Hunter X Hunter X Reborn
by Dear author
Summary: Perhaps this was divine mistake or entertainment for the gods and it might have been a little entertaining for Gin Freecs if she wasn't the one being played around. Because if there's one thing this cruel world teaches, it's self-preservation. Unfortunately, she just can't seem to get her head around it. (OC - Twin sister of Gon) (Rated M for profanities, death and Hisoka)
1. Prologue

**Hunter X Hunter - Reborn**

A normal person wouldn't have memories of her past life. Every life given should be a new one. But why, oh why, I am, dare I say, reborn in a world that shouldn't exist?

Prologue:

 _'_ _I've never really given much thought to how I would die_.' Yep. I completely plagiarised my first line from Twilight. But it's true. I guess even though I knew from the start that everyone dies, my optimism that I will live until I'm 100, rich and surrounded by my loved ones, will come true. This is why I ignored those donor forms that seem to pop out in front of me many times – okay – ALL the time.

Like for example, every time I pick out a cute diary, the line; _In the event of my death, I wish to donate my eyes, heart, liver, kidneys_ … blah blah blah, is just the first freaking line my eyes will focus on.

And that time when I had to change my GP surgery form, the surgery sent me an application form AND then another letter specifically asking me that in the event of my death, should I want to donate my eyes, heart, liver, kidneys…blah blah blah.

And also those inconspicuous posters that no one notices except me.

…

Maybe I should've taken note of the signals and signed the damn forms.

…

My death was quick though. Not painless, but at least I wasn't tortured to death or had multiple needles stuck into me until my death. I didn't have to go through the pain of slowly disintegrating and watching my family and friends suffer with me. I didn't have to die while knowing I'm emptying my mother's and father's meagre savings from the bank and pushing them further to debt.

Yes. In a way, I am happy that I died in a car crash that was not really my fault.

WAIT – Didn't I receive calls from stupid people asking me if I was involved in a car crash that wasn't my fault before I died exactly from that?

JESUS! I was a psychic!

And I didn't even know it!

…

Well, after that awful shocking pain of getting hit on your side by another car and the feeling like your head just got smashed, blood and brain matter exploding out of your head, I felt nothing for a long time.

I may have been a goldfish, clownfish or a _Paracantharus hepatus_ aka Dory.

In that short or long period of time, I mostly just let myself floated away. I cried most of the time. But in that void, I was restricted to move. It occurred to me that maybe I was being tortured after my death. After all, I wasn't the best child there was.

No. I was an angsty, lazy teenager with insecurity and family problems. I just realised this now. Sure, I kinda knew I was a little insecure but I wasn't that aware of how much insecure I was.

In that tiny black space, I recited to myself all the bad things I've done – judging others to make myself better, criticising other people, being jealous of how pretty other girls are, and being jealous when my friends are doing better than me in school….

Damn, was I a very jealous girl.

…

Then, one day, I started hearing things. It grew louder and more pronounced as time passes. But since it was the first thing for a very long time of isolation that I heard, I caught on it and desperately searched for it. Every time I heard it, I felt comforted. Thus, came a point that it was all I waited for. That soft tilting melody – a woman's voice. Sometimes, the melody goes up and down like she was singing. Sometimes, it fluctuates when she is saying something I don't understand. Sometimes, it wasn't her. The voice sounded deeper but still comforting.

Of course, my comfort bubble had to burst eventually.

…

After a long time of everlasting darkness, I was suddenly assaulted by a cacophony of sounds, an array of scents and from my closed eyelids (I cannot open them), there was light. I felt giant hands holding me, passing me from one pair of giant hands to another. I screamed and relished at the feeling it brought to my throat. I kicked and punched through the empty air.

Because after a long, long time, I felt things I never thought I could anymore, things I took for granted but not anymore. I felt, I heard, I smelled, I tasted, I saw light.

I am now alive.

…

 _Author's note;_

 _Hey, this will be my first Hunter x Hunter fanfic, I hop you'll enjoy it. I really don't like, in fact, I hate Mary Sues so if you guys notice my leading self insert becoming little Miss perfect, please do tell me!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	2. Chapter 1 - Fathers & Daughters

When I awoke, it was because of the wetness between my legs. A wave of shame and surprise followed and I fidgeted at the awful feeling.

I peed on my bed.

When I opened my eyes, I saw nothing but blurry images. The scent of new bedsheets surrounded me and they instantly reminded me of my old bed. On my right side, there was a soft sausage-like pillow, probably there to avoid me from falling off my bed.

Now back to the matter at hand, I peed while asleep.

And I should repeat that it must be the most awful thing in the world. The last time I've done this was when I was probably about 7 or 8 years old in my past life. The horror of knowing it was a dream and therefore I shouldn't take a piss but at the same time not being able to stop doing so, was utterly frustrating.

And disgusting.

And scary because if my grandmother knew about that incident, she would whack my butt off with a stick.

I didn't really want to cry so I fought hard to ignore the feeling. So instead, I tried to stretch and move my body.

As expected, it was weak. My whole body was so heavy and felt like a Jell-O. My motor and fine skills still much undeveloped. Still, I managed to do some flutter kicks, only to stop because then it reminded me of my wet predicament.

I silently wished someone will come and help me.

A gasp escaped my lips when a hand landed on my chest. The force wasn't really strong enough but in reflex, I tensed and held my breath. When nothing came, I moved to the side and could about make up a chubby face of another child.

For a baby, it or he has a thick mass of black hair already. Moving closer, I could see the dark lashes of his eyes. Uncomfortable with the warm baby breath coming out of his mouth, I recoiled back but to my surprise, the child's small arms shot out and he rolled on his stomach, butt on air. He looked like he was reaching out to me.

I smiled and let myself giggle.

More relaxed, I entwined our baby fingers and played with them to somewhat improve my control over my body. No matter how small.

I jumped again as a deep voice suddenly vibrated from above us. Eyes wide, I turned and tried to make out the shadow above me. It spoke and I couldn't understand him. Not because he was muffled but because the language he spoke was one I've never heard before. As the thing continued to speak, I recognised the tilt in his voice and the rhythm of how he spoke. I've heard this guy before.

A hand touched my wet pants and if I could blush, I would because the situation was just too abominable. With a yowl, I kicked at the hand.

''Oh. Woah, woah!... '' The man spoke more unintelligible words. Then, there was a small laugh.

He disappeared for a moment then when he reappeared, he shoved a pacifier into my mouth. I blinked as strong, steady hands lifted me up from my bed and carried me to lay me down on another bed. This bed was firmer and smelt like the salty breeze of sea and wet dog. I couldn't help but wrinkle my nose.

The man who was my new father proceeded to change my diapers. His movements were slow and gentle and I could feel his anxiety and hesitation as he lifted my feet up. His touch was also a little shaky.

When finished, I was carried again into his arms but instead of putting me back to my bed, my father danced around, humming. I cuddled into his warmth with a contented smile. My tiny hand fisting on the softness of his cotton shirt.

And I cannot help but love him.

* * *

To say that being a baby is easy was hard. And to say that it is hard was easy. I was too eager to play, to explore and to run around with my own two legs. But I wasn't in control of my body. Yet. To my continuing horror, my bladder still won't listen to me. So, I still pee on my bed every night. My limbs are also too heavy to carry my own weight. Also, I need to be able to adhere to the normal milestones of a baby.

From what I remember, babies start to crawl at age 7 months or so. But I really have no idea how old I was.

This is where the other baby who was always beside me come into play. This baby is called Gon and my name is Gin. From these not-so-creative names, I could tell I have a twin brother which was cool since I always wanted a twin.

It's like having an instant best friend!

Because I hope this baby boy is a REAL baby, I decided to copy his every accomplishments. Gon, my new brother, will be my life guide until we're old enough.

Our father, whose name is I don't know, always carries us and leaves us to play with toy blocks by ourselves every day. And every day, our house-pets will be playing with us too.

My dad seems to be an animal-lover because we have like one large dog, a cat with five kittens, and baby chicks. There was also a stable where our brown stallion resides with some chickens (real chickens) and a two cows.

Yes, we have yellow baby chicks at home. I just love grabbing and squishing them to death and from what it looks like, Gon does too.

Overtime, my eyesight grew better and eventually I could see my father.

His most amazing feature were his brown eyes which looked slightly droopy and funny but very bright. Then, it was his black hair that he styles like Son Goku in his super Saiyan form. Other than this, he looked like an average man.

But I can't help but notice his absence a lot.

And the fact that we had no mother.

My father doesn't play with us way too much. When he does, it was always just a few minutes of fun and then he'll get this faraway look in his face and become completely brooding.

I will try getting his attention back by acting cute but it never really works. Sure, my new father will smile down at me and set me and my brother down on his lap, play bouncey with us (which I don't really like) then later on, hand us some toys and leave us to play again.

Sometimes, he will bring us to the beach. Gon hated the water and cried for hours after our father introduced us to the waves. He only calmed down after our father decided it is safe to throw a baby to the air. Gon loved it. When my father turned to me to give me my turn, I promptly crawled away, only to be caught and thrown high up to the air. I didn't even scream or laugh. I just panicked silently as his powerful hands caught me time after time as I fall.

Just as I started to love it, he stopped.

* * *

For our first birthday, Dad bought a chocolate cake from town. It was only the three of us plus Dog, cat with five kittens and the baby chicks. But still, I was very happy. Dad sang 'Happy Birthday' at the top of his lungs and I couldn't stop laughing because he was so bad at it.

I watched as the flame danced from the candle wick with a small smile.

''Make a wish, Gon and Gin!'' Dad said with a bright smile.

Gon closed his eyes. I watched him then let my gaze wander to Dog, Cat with her baby kittens, and the baby chicks, who were all sat on the chairs patiently as well as our guest birds and our horse from the stable.

A hand fell on my head and ruffled my hair which was as dark as Gon's and Dad, only longer. ''Are you not going to make a wish, sweetheart?''

I looked up and smiled. ''Da-ddy…'' was my first word.

His eyes shone and he smiled.

''DA-DA! DA-DA! DA-DA!'' From the background, Gon bounced excitedly on his seat.

 _I have everything I like. A nice house, a loving dad, a sweet brother and cute fluffy friends. I am happy. Thank you._

* * *

You see, I wasn't close with my old dad in my past life. It was too late to fix the relationship, especially when too many hurtful words have been said and awkwardness exists. With my new dad, I could start anew. I could do the things I was never able to do and never had. I could now have daddy.

One day, our father brought us out and we travelled days by train and ship. I cried and cried as nausea gripped me hard. Two times out of three had we travelled through a heavy storm. Even though, people were throwing up and getting thrown around, our father held us against his chest and remained firmly sat down.

I cried because he hadn't spoken or laughed for days and there was a growing heavy feeling in my chest.

I cried even harder when we reached an Island, _Whale Island_ , where my new father left us at the port, only with a kiss on the forehead, a sad smile and an apology.

''Forgive me, Gin, Gon.'' Then he turned around, his brown cloak billowing with the wind and he abandoned us like we were worth nothing.

 _Like I was worth nothing._

* * *

 _Author's small note:_

 _Okay! Here's Chapter 1 - for those girls whose heart got broken by their fathers before any boy can have the chance to! Isn't it the saddest thing?_

 _I want to formally welcome any readers I will attract. It would really be helpful if you give me some reviews on how I'm doing. It is okay if you criticise me (as long as you be kind about it!, which I know you all will!) Also, if you have any ideas or interpretations, don't be a silent reader (like me, most of the time) and review!_

 _If you can have nen powers, what will you have?_

 _I DON'T OWN Hunter X Hunter! Only Gin!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	3. Chapter 2 - Time does not heal

After he left us, a red-haired woman hugged us from behind. Her hands were gentle on my back as she whispered some false reassurances that everything will be okay. Gon was crying and screaming for _Dada_ , who didn't even bother introducing the woman.

''Shh… Gon, Gin, I'm your Aunt Mito!'' She cooed, caressing my limp hair and Gon's messy bushy head as she attempted to comfort us – but mostly Gon.

Her head was between us and she kissed each of our temples, pausing a little to watch me, confused that a 2 year old babe wasn't throwing a loud tantrum. It was worrying to see a child crying but not making a sound. Children about my age should have no problems demanding and displaying their feelings.

But I was too shocked. In my head, images of what could have been, of what I wished and wanted in this new life and that man I easily gave my heart to flowed and circled around my tiny head. The betrayal was worse.

I guess not all things change much after being reborn.

In this life, I still won't have a father like those other girls. I won't have a father who will drive me or bring me to school and pick me up after. No father to play with me. No father to teach me how to fight and to defend myself.

In this life, I need to learn and live without those again.

* * *

Mito-san easily lifted us in her arms and brought us to her home. Gon cried on the way but quietened when a nice random man handed him a tiny toy ship. The man amiably walked and talked with Mito-san for a few moments, mentioning our father who now I know is called Ging. The man then worriedly eyed the silent me.

''Is this little one okay? She looks a little… spaced out, don' ya think?''

Mito-san sighed and pressed a kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes as his image popped into my head. Two teardrops fell.

''I think she's just a little shock. I don't know. Should I call on Shimura-sensei?''

A warm calloused hand felt my forehead and neck. ''She's a bit hot. I'll go and call on Shimura on my way home, that a'right, Mito-chan?''

''Aah… Thank you, Ranma-san!''

* * *

Located on top of a green, freshly-mowed hill was our new house. On the doorstep, a nice old lady with grey hair tied into a neat bun and a hunched back smiled and patted my head and Gon's. Mito-san called her Grandma Abe.

Mito sat us down on a soft red sofa. ''I'll just ready the bath for you two, okay?'' I met her worried eyes. I watched as her expression even became more worried.

My face has long dried and I probably looked lost. Gon's head thumped and landed on my shoulder. His hand still held the ship. I stared at the tiny thing. He was on a ship right now going back to our old house alone. I wonder if he's feeling guilty. Was he even our father?

''Are you hungry, Gin-chan?'' I looked up and looked down at the bottle of milk being handed to me by Mito. ''Come on, baby. You need to drink milk.''

Ah… to be a child and have no say whether you want to eat or not.

''I think we can skip the bathing for tomorrow don't you think, Gin-chan?'' Mito scooped Gon and with a nod to the old lady, she left.

I felt myself being lifted up by the Grandmother Abe and I blankly watched Mito's back.

That night, I curled up beside my brother and held his hand throughout the whole night.

I vowed to myself that I will hold his hand forever.

Married or not.

* * *

After that, I slowly got used to my new routine. I still had to through my baby stage and the pain of teething. I was always biting on something. The pain and irritation was that bad that I, most of the time, would resort to biting at the door and furniture because Gon was too much of a brat to share.

Mito is a patient woman. Sure, she has her nagging moments and shouting episodes but other than this, she's lovely. It made me wonder why she's got no lover.

She bought a camera one day and from then on, conscientiously took pictures of us. It was easy to love her because of how she obviously loved us so much.

Gon and I continued to grow day by day. Next thing I knew, 4 years have past and we were 6 years old. I smiled at how Gon reminded me of my youngest sister in my past life. I briefly wondered how she was. I wondered if one day, I may meet a reincarnation of her. Then, I frowned. Will I be able to recognise her?

Gon loved to run around. He was always on the move. It made me wonder if he has ADHD. He was also talkative and curious, asking questions for him and me.

''…and this grasshopper was trapped on this spiderweb. The spider is really big, Gin! So, I grabbed the poor grasshopper. But he won't fly! So I made him a bed! Mito-san says that if I leave him by the window-sill, he would slowly heal himself and fly away! Then I came back in the afternoon to give him some food, and guess what?! He wasn't there anymore! He flew away! Mito-san's so clever, isn't she, Gin?''

''Hmm… she is, Gon.'' The grasshopper probably was picked up by a bird or by Mito to be thrown away, whichever comes first.

Gon skipped away and leaped from stall to stall. He was wearing a white T-shirt, dark green pants and dark shoes. I frowned as a sense of Déjà vu tickled my memory.

It was Saturday and we were in the market with Mito. I looked down at the piece of paper listing the grocery items we need.

I looked up and watched as people went about their ways. In _Whale Island,_ everyone knows everyone and everyone helps each other. Not to mention, the woods were plenty and abundant. There were so much life in this Island and no pollution.

I stepped into the bakery, waiting for the kind baker's wife to notice me.

''Gin-chaaan! Good morning!''

''Good morning, Yukiji-san. I'll have a loaf of brown bread and three baguettes please.''

''Coming right up!''

''Thank you.''

While waiting, I walked away from the front of the glass cabinets to the side where the cashier point was. I took out my small frog purse and took out Mito-san's money.

The most peculiar thing of being reborn into this world is the mixture of old and new. I first thought that fashion styles should correspond to the time period. So far, I see women wearing long dresses resembling different eras. Mito always wears her long dresses. They suited her very much. However, there are also many who wear casual and more modern clothing. There seems to be no restrictions in terms of clothing and style.

''Here ya go, Gin-chan! That's 4 Jenny's! '' I thanked her again and handed her a 10 Jenny note. As I waited for my change, I checked the contents of the brown bag. My eyes zeroed first to the pink and chocolate topped doughnuts.

''Oh, uhm… Yukiji-san…''

Yukiji reached out for my hand and placed my change –exact 6 Jenny coins - and patted my head. ''You're a good girl, Gin-chan, helping your aunt with the grocery again.'' She said with a gentle smile. ''That's my treat to my favourite little customer!'' she leaned in and mock whispered.

I laughed and couldn't help the small smile from my lips. I was a sucker for praises.

''Thank you Yukiji-san.''

'Hmmm!'' The rather stout lady ruffled my hair, letting loose some hairs from the messy bun.

Placing the bread in my basket, I looked around for my brother and found him at the apple stand.

''Gin! How many apples did Mito-san say?''

''Six, Gon.''

''Ah! Apple-san! Can I have 6 apples!?''

'' Please, Mori-san.''

''Please, Mori-san!'' Gon rubbed her nape, grinning sheepishly.

The man behind the stand just chuckled, shaking his head. ''Gon, you really are so much like Ging!''

''Ging?! Our father?''

''Why, yes. That brat just can't remember my name too. As if it's hard to remember! Probably because his head too full with his adventures!''

I stiffly smiled and took the bag of apples from the vendor.

''Adven—what?''

''Adventures, Gon! Ging's always running around, doing God knows what with his so-called adventures! Poor Mito-chan always gets lost in the woods trying to follow her brother. Everyone thinks she does it on purpose! Why, he caught the Lord of the lake when he was 12 then got on that ship and became a _Hunter!_ ''

 _Ging. Hunter. Gon. Whale Island. Mito._

Unaware of anything else, I looked down at the dark green pants of my brother. Then to his hazel eyes and that black spiky hair.

 _Oh nonononono…_

As if sensing it, Gon met her eyes with his identical ones. ''Gin? You okay? What's wrong?'' He leaned closer, so close that I can see my reflection from his eyes. His small hands gripped my shaking shoulders with surprising firmness and warmth from a 6 year old boy.

This boy will become a hunter. He will catch the Lord of the lake – a big fish somewhere in the woods of Whale Island. Then he'll board this ship where he'll meet… a blond guy and a man in a black suit. They'll become fast friends and then they'll meet this white-haired kid who was also an assassin… He'll fight with man-eating insects and sacrifice his future to avenge his teacher. He'll get revived in the end. All of his sufferings and happiness will all be because this boy wanted to know what is it that _Ging_ wanted so much that he was willing to abandon his only child for it. This child is a selfish, naïve child whose morals are questionable. This boy will be a killer, a friend, a saviour, a student but still a killer. He will fight and face stupidly stronger people. His adventures will be filled with blood, danger, beheaded people, scarlet eyes, assassins, killers, monsters…

But this boy had _no_ sister.

I felt suddenly cold. Who am I, then? Is this a dream? Am I going crazy? Am I even really here?

The hands on my arms were suddenly on my shoulders. Gon shook me, his eyes trying catch mine. ''Gin?''

T _his can't be happening. I can't be in a book. No. It's not real. I looked around. Not real…_

Dark spots slowly appeared across my vision. Gon's small arms caught me, I fell back into that void with his voice calling my name repeatedly and the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears.

''… _Gon.''_

* * *

 _''_ _I'll become the best Hunter in the world!''_

 _''_ _Brat has no respect for us.''_

 _''_ _I want to know what job is amazing enough to make it seem worth it to leave his own son.''_

 _''_ _Sometimes, silence is the best answer.''_

 _''_ _So, in short you refuse to answer the question.''_

 _''_ _For the right price, you can buy not only treasures but dreams, hearts and people's lives.''_

 _''_ _Not killing people is hard. Clean living is tough.''_

 _''_ _Gon!''_

 _''_ _Did he say he wanted me there?''_

* * *

When I woke up, I was back into our room with Gon lying down beside me, snoring. I wondered how I got here. Some of the islanders probably carried me back home. How embarrassing was it? How long would people talk about it? What ideas will they come up with on why I fainted? Will Mori-san tell everyone how he was talking about Ging Freecs and how his daughter fainted because of it? Will I be labelled a 'poor child' again? Poor child has no father. Poor child's father doesn't love her enough to stay with her?

Soon after, Mito told us a lie. She said Ging and our mother whose name she doesn't know, died in a car crash and yes, they were Hunters. Being a hunter is a dangerous job.

''I don't want you two to become hunters. Too dangerous and I will be sad if you go. Do you want Mito-san to be sad?''

''We won't, Mito-san!''

I didn't answer.

* * *

I thought about my situation for a long time after an endless amount of pinching and slapping myself. Yes. It seems like I am in a fictional world. Ta-da!

Welcome to the world where I could die or eaten anytime!

But to be fair, that's what happened before. It's nothing that different really. In my past life, I had no idea how I'll die because all was relatively safe. In here, safe is a vague word. Maybe if I stay here forever in Whale Island, I can stay safe.

But what about my brother? He is my brother isn't he?

I blinked and stared at myself for longer. Gon was still snoring in our bed. I look like the girl version of him and it is a little bit to a lot of freaky. Dressed in my old, white sleeping dress that reached past my knees, my skin stood out as a healthy brown. I pinched my red cheeks again. Did that hurt? Yes. In fact they felt really sore now that I won't be able to say it was because I slept on them. Both of them, yes.

''What are you doing, Gin?''

I turned and found Gon rubbing at his eyes. _This boy…_

''Something wrong, Gin?'' He stepped in and stopped so we were faced to face. I was about an inch taller than him so he had to look up a little. _This boy…_

Then, to my surprise, this boy hugged me. ''Gin… you don't talk anymore.'' I felt a pinch in my stomach when his tiny voice broke. ''Gin… Please talk now? Did I do somethin' wrong?'' He hugged me tighter. ''Are you hurt anywhere? Are you sick? Gin?''

This boy in front of me was the main protagonist of a book.

He was also sobbing.

Then, I realised, no matter how I thought of how selfish the character Gon was in the book, this crying boy hugging me like I was his life-line was like me. He is alive. He is now flesh and blood. Mine. His tears were warm against my dress and the strength in his grip was true.

This boy is my brother. And I am his sister. I called him selfish. But right now? No, he hasn't done anything selfish. But me? I have.

That man we called father. He must be one of the selfish people I know. Aside from murderers and rapers, that man, Ging Freecss is the next most selfish person.

I wrapped my arms around Gon. He cried even harder and hugged me closer. He reminded me of my past younger brother. He also had black hair. Gon's just a child. A lonely child. He wants to understand his father so badly. To understand why he left him –us.

''I'm sorry Gon… I'm back now.''

I'm need to get ready. The seed has been planted. I know at 12, Gon will set out to become a hunter. But before that, he'll meet Kaito, his future teacher, in the woods to save him from being attacked by a bear. The event will further his resolve to become a hunter. Before we turn 12, I should be ready to follow him wherever he goes.

I stroked his hair. The hunter's exam, if I'm not careful, can kill me in an instant. Actually, everything can kill me in an instant here. The woods aren't exactly a child's playground and Hunters, just like Mito said, are very, very dangerous. There is a certain clown hunter who stalks and pervs little children too.

Ging Freecss can go fuck himself. I lived my past life with an absentee father. Ging Freecss is just another man. I can protect my brother and myself just fine. It's not like that man has any care for us whether we live or die. Stupid, selfish old man. I'll become super strong, I'll bash his head to the floor!

I frowned. Actually, maybe giving the cold shoulder will be much better. Make him feel ignored and unwanted.

''Gin? Why are you doing that?'' Sweet Gon nodded his head.

''What? Nodding?'' I nodded. He did as well. '' Well… I just decided something!''

''What is it?''

''It's a secret!''

''Awh! Come one, sis! Tell me!''

* * *

 _A little bit from the poor author:_

 _Probably the longest chapter but who knows, I might be able to top it off! Gin (so creative Ging!) just recently reaslised she was reborn in a fictional world. And it seems our little lady knows how to hold a grudge! Note that I will try my best not to make her to a freaking Mary-Sue. But she's basically an adult in a child's body. But still, us in the First World countries don't know much about starving, bloody murders left and right etc., right?_

 _So any thoughts about Gin's personality and possible Nen type?_

 _Oh! I don't own hunter X hunter! (Even though I wish I do. I'll be very happy with Killua)._

 _xoxoxo_

 _Abby D._


	4. Chapter 3 - Preparation is the key

'' Before anything else, preparation is the key to success'' ~ Alexander Bell

Much to Mito's surprise and disappointment, I started jogging early in the mornings and afternoon to improve my stamina ever since that day. I was fairly flexible in my past life but I could tell that I was more so in this body. As long as I practise my stretching daily, I think I will be fine.

I stopped myself from writing down anything in fear of someone accidentally reading it or decoding it should I try writing them in English.

This is where my meditation came handy. Imagining the events in flash cards placed in my subconscious, I chronologically arranged events that I remembered.

I remembered a blonde-haired guy and the suit and tie guy who had long legs… but I really can't remember their names. But I know the former had his clan wiped out. He's sort of a parallel counterpart of Sasuke Uchiha, only less angsty. The latter character had a friend who died from a curable disease and that's why he wanted to be a doctor. To be honest, he inspired me to become a doctor myself in my past life. Too bad, I can't seem to recall his name. That white-haired kid too. An assassin born from an assassin family. He and Gon will be best friends. They even have fangirls shipping them both!

… Okay, I'm not going there.

One card is the most dangerous of them all. Only because for some reason, I remember his name and his face very clearly.

HISOKA

The clown or joker whatever. Skill Hunter. Transmutation like Killua. Bubblegum nen. Paedophile. I knew he was supposed to be dead from a fight with …

CHROLLO LUCIFER

Phantom troupe! Leader. A woman who can read minds died for him. From meteor city. Has a book that can steal nen. He needs it to do his nen.

This was why I found meditation very helpful. Every day, I will go through all of the facts I know and recite them over my head again and again. There were times like this, when random information will just popped out into my memory, given by a trigger.

Nen– is like the super-power of this world. The mechanics of it, I have no idea. But I know that Hunters only become certified hunters if they can use nen. There are many types. One's personality reflects their nen capabilities. Enhancers like Gon will be are simple and straight-forward. Often selfish. Ging, I think is an enhancer as well. Transmutation like Hisoka and Killua are prone to deceit. Specialists like… Chrollo Lucifer are rare. Emission are impatient and volatile like… Leorio

LEORIO

''Ah!...'' A stabbing pain on my forehead picked me out of my meditation state. Pinching my nose, I leant forward slightly and breathed through my mouth.

Too dangerous. One false move with Hisoka and Chrollo Lucifer – especially Hisoka, will kill me. Chrollo Lucifer, I can avoid. He wasn't that important to Gon. As long as we get out of his way and the spiders' way…

No… Gon and his white haired kid will encounter them because of… because of… that blonde kid.

I groaned and removed out of my mind, tucking them away in a chest in the deepest and darkest part of my subconscious. I really don't know if it works though. I can only hope that if I meet that blond-short haired spiderwoman who can read minds, she won't be able to find those memories first and foremost.

I need to avoid that woman at all cost. Avoid that woman. Hisoka is impossible to avoid. He'll be in the Hunter's exam and the… Heavens tower/arena and Greed Island… Everywhere.

 _''Shiiiiit…''_ I wrapped my hand on my forehead and scrambled closer to the closest tree to press my feverish forehead on the cool trunk. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to calm down and pushed fresh air into and out of my lungs.

It was already getting late. I am now nine-years old. Ever since our birthday, I've taken the liberty of following Gon wherever he goes, especially in the mornings. Heck, I wouldn't let him go to the woods and face that mother bear alone.

From six years old, I started my daily workout and I am proud of the firmness of the muscles I earned and the racing awards I got from school. Not to mention, Gon has kindly helped me with my flexibility. In return, we jog together in the mornings and afternoons.

Only I'm worried about what these exercises will do to my growth. I don't really want to be short.

Pulling out a hankerchief, I dabbed at the blood and cautiously opened my eyes. I sneaked out today but technically not really. I mean, I just took a little detour after I finished buying all the grocery items Mito-san wanted me to buy. After all, an hour or so of dilly-dallying in town never hurt anybody.

After the bleeding has stopped, I picked up the grocery bag and leisurely walked through the green foliage. I started coming in here at six. Thus, the forest became my second home. Sure, I see forest snakes here and there, sometimes carefully camouflaged and coiled around branches of trees and bigger shrouds. Other times, they were on the floor.

The first time I came here, I was 6 and I armed myself with two knives in my tiny shaking hands. I even borrowed a book and read about forests animals.

The first time I saw a snake, I ran for my life and it chased the poor panicking me, even managing to bite me at my ankle. Yes, I killed the damn thing and ran to Mito, scaring the shit out of the young woman and Grandmother Abe. Thank goodness, Shimura-sense was a very good doctor or else that snake's venom would have killed me already and I'll probably be reborn into Inuyasha! I was grounded for months! That's when Gon started helping me sneak out and accompanying me to the woods.

Chuckling to myself, I didn't see the huge brown bear until I heard him growling. The fear of seeing that coiled snake's eyes watching me was very much nothing compared to the humongous head and body and teeth of that grizzly fucking bear who looks somewhat like a fox and a bear.

In short, this wasn't a bear… No… not at all.

Too big… too teethy…

All of the preparation I had was thrown out of my mind. I knew I was supposed to walk away slowly or play dead when charged. But I can't do that when faced with the possibility that I could be this mother bear's next dinner.

And fuck, this wasn't supposed to happen?!

Morning! Gon went out in the morning to the forest and encountered a baby bear then its mother!

I watched as the muscles of the bear tensed, ready to charge at me. It was also grinning. It might have smelled my blood and decided to investigate. I've always used this path but I should've expected this.

 _Fuck it all to hell. Why wasn't I reborn into a freaking Shoujo manga!_

There was a tall tree just beside me. But this leering bear is too big. It could easily snap the tree. One leap or two will what it would take for it to reach me. If fast enough, maybe I can outrun him. What if he follows me and out of the woods to our house?!

I have five folded kitchen knives in my pockets. Two in each of my front pockets and two at each calf pockets, and one behind. If I aim at the eyes and when it's close enough, stab his head with it, she'll die. But I can't afford that… I can't afford to knife-throw now. Her hide looks very furry, very much protected.

I tensed my muscles, ready to bolt. The bear tensed as if sensing my intentions, fur rising from her her shoulders and head in a display to make her look even bigger – a show of dominance and strength.

She crouched and I quickly bolted back, putting all my strength on my legs and arms, her roars so close behind me.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!_

A flash of breeze tickled my nape and in instinct, I threw myself onto the forest floor. She had thrown herself at me. I pulled crawled using my hands and feet, my back as flat to the ground as possible, barely escaping her weight and wasted no time to run away in a different direction again.

Another roar of fury and I had to swallow my fear.

My impromptu plan or the lack of it is now completely discarded. _No… it wasn't supposed to be me... It was Gon. It should happen in a morning, not evening._

A flashed of white. A glint of a sword. A man appeared from the trees and I felt my back get drenched with bear's blood.

She gave one last angry roar and fell and then the forest became eerily silent.

Shaky, I turned and screamed as I was roughly pulled by my vest. I heard it rip. The long-haired man met my tearful eyes with angry silver ones. They burned.

''What. Were. You. Thinking!'' He gritted out and shook her like a rag doll.

All the adrenaline has left her weak. _What was I thinking? I was thinking of surviving. I had to remember as much as I can and become stronger and braver. This... Wasn't supposed to happen to me? I remembered it clearly… It was Gon. It should be Gon… Not me…What's happening?_

The man, who was called Kaito dragged me to the nearest tree and angrily pointed at the clawed bark.

'' Those were marks! Warnings that this place was her territory!''

 _No... It wasn't. I wasn't trespassing. I knew about claw marks but I wasn't in her territory. She probably smelled blood and…_

He threw me back down to the ground and turned his back to me. I whipped my head to the side when I heard a small whimper. A younger baby bear was now beside its dead mother.

''He needs to die. He will grow hating people.''

''W-what?'' I flinched at the smallness of my voice.

He didn't answer but raised his sword.

An image of a young Gon, hugging a small bear as it clawed him flashed in my head.

''S-stop. S..STOP!'' I slapped at his legs and crawled towards the young bear. He hissed at me, fur bristling. His young claws out and he slashed them at me, warning me not to come closer.

Oh, but his eyes… His eyes hated me. They even look like human eyes. So much hurt. _Ohmygod._

My heart burned at the sight. ''I… I'm sorry!'' And just like that, I felt the fear climbed up again to my throat and the heaviness in my chest doubled. I suddenly can't breathe.

''I'm really… really sorry… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.'' I extended my hands to beckon him into my arms. I flinched at the pain when his sharp claws wounded my fingers.

 _But it wasn't supposed to be me… it was Gon. Not me… Ohmygod. I'm so sorry! But it was supposed to be Gon._

''Move. I will kill it.'' I felt Kaito's hand shoving me out of the way.

''No! I'll take care of him-!''

''You can't, girl. It hates you. Now, move!

I pushed back. ''No! Go away!'' Without another word, I scooped the bear into my arms, crying out and sobbing at the pain his claws were giving me.

 _I was so confident. So confident that it won't be me. I thought I was safe! Because it was Gon who'll be facing it. It was Gon! Not me! I was supposed to swoop in and save the day! I was supposed to stay cool and collected. I was supposed to be Gon's hero! I…_

I laughed, fresh new tears flowing out. ''Oh my God. _Hahaha!_ I wanted to be a Mary-fucking-Sue! _HAHAHAHAHA!_ Oh my God! And I thought… I thought I could! Nothing beats imagination like fucking shit reality! _Hahahahaha!_ Fuckity-fucking shit hell! FUCK!''

''I'm sorry…'' I whispered and rubbed the little bear. '' I'm so sorry, baby… '' He clawed at my jawline and neck, desperately getting away. I nuzzled his head with mine. ''Shhh…come on, scar me more, baby… I deserve it.'' I smiled.

''That's right…Remind me what happens if I become fucking over-confident again.''

* * *

 _A small piece from the author:_

 _Well... Well... Everybody wants to rule the world! No one likes being a weakling and can we really blame Gin on wanting to be the hero? She knows now that she is in another world but she's still having problems accepting it, I think. I don't know, she gives me that feeling. Now, this lesson will probably teach her a lesson on confidence and more on accepting herself (hopefully). I hope this will help her grow and not the opposite._

 _No matter how old she was in her past life. This chapter shows how her past life is unclear to her. She's forgotten many bits of her past. Gin has read the manga in her past life and watched the anime. But it was a long time ago._

 _Tell me what you think?_

 _xoxoxo_

 _AbbyD._


	5. Chapter 4 - A way with words

**Chapter 4 – Hunter X Hunter – A way with words**

 _''_ _There are worse words than curse words; there are words that hurt.'' ~ Tillie Olsen_

* * *

Standing in front of a man who you've seen dead is… very awkward _. I mean, uh… yes, have I met you before? Oh yeah, saw your handsome face and awesome hair cut out from your body then held by a cat/dog he-who-looks-like-a-girl between his legs. Also, he obsessed over your naked corpse for so long and even made a puppet out of it! Ha-ha, I also cried when you died too, you know. Well, at least you were reborn! Like me! But as a girl….exactly like me!_

 _I also had a huge crush on you! I just love your cool poses! You just have a lot of them! You look handsome when you're glaring, too. Weirdly handsome!_

''….Hello!'' My smile turned to a grimace when his eye twitched. But then again, this guy is not supposed to be evil. But he sure is very intimidating. Tall and slender, Kaito looks really sick. But for some reason, there is something about him that makes him look… attractive and healthy. ''…Thank you for saving me!' I added with a weak nod and tilting my head, I gave him my sweetest smile.

As if he just didn't hear me voice out some of my colourful collections of swear words.

He raised his hand and I automatically closed my eyes, tensing and waiting for the strike that was meant to happen.

Only it never came.

Either it's coming a bit later or this guy has problems with hitting girls.

 _I'm all for feminism and equality in males and females but even though I can take a punch, if I can get out of it without a red mark on my face, why the heck not?_ _After all, I'll meet many people out there who'll have no problems killing me because they can or just because I happen to be standing on the part of the side-walk they don't like_.

The fox-bear gradually stopped clawing at me (note that his clawing has lessened already to some extent while I comforted him) as the hunter massaged and rubbed at his head. Up this close, I really had to crane my neck up to see his eyes which are shadowed by dark circles and nearly hidden by his blue cap.

I really like his hair, though. I wonder if I will ever be strong enough to pull of having long hair like that in battle?

 _Maybe one day, but not now._

''… You have to let him go.'' I looked up at the unexpected softness of his voice. I guess my surprise caught him off guard too, given by his sigh and the pat he gave me on my head.

''Come, give him to me.''

I stepped back and turned away slightly. ''No. I vow to protect him and raise him, knight in shining armour-san.'' I inwardly smirked.

''It was your stupidity who caused his mother's death. Your pretty words won't cover that up.''

My inner smirk died. _Burn, baby. Burn._

''I know. I will live with that fact for as long as I live.'' This seems to appease him slightly as his cold gaze warmed a tiny, teeny, weeny bit and his shoulders became a little, wittle bit, relaxed.

I looked behind and around him. ''Where's your sword, sir?''

''I kept it away. Do you know what to feed it with?''

''Bears are omnivores, right?''

He nodded. ''Give him berries, grubs, fish and meat. Fox-bears eat more than other types of bears. I'll advise to keep him here. This is his home, after all. If you are not successful, you'll cause deaths and injury to other people. Can you live with that?''

''No. And I won't because I will make sure that he won't hate humans. I'll… I'll love him! Gon and I will take care of him!''

He raised an inquisitive eyebrow. '' Gon?''

I smiled, liking where the conversation was going. ''Yep! My twin brother! Oh! My name is Gin Freecs!'' I bowed, hiding my smirk. ''Please remember it. I thank you for saving my life.'' I looked up again and grinned, innocently ignoring at the dumbfounded expression on his face. It was slight, but it was there in the tiny widening of his eyes, the dilation of his pupils and the parting of his lips.

It's funny actually and sweet. How he obviously adore and respect Ging so much that he would get astonished by meeting his daughter accidentally.

 _WHACK!_

I heard the thing before I felt it. _This day, is so not my day. Why is everything so out of control!_

''You! Don't you realise how much! How much danger you were in?!''

 _Ah… I could tell now that he has a little bit of a student complex._

''Your father-''

''-is dead.''

''….''

I turned away. ''He died with mom in a car crash, Mito-san says.'' I turned away so he won't see the look of disgust and anger in my face. _No, he bloody left us and never looked back._

''Car crash?'' He parroted, voice deepening. ''Ging Freecs… is my teacher.''

I moved my head slightly towards my shoulder as if that tiny detail connecting to my father caught my attention.

''He…is very much alive, Gin-san.''

 _Yes. I know that. Idiot left us like the most selfish father he is._

I let my shoulders slumped. ''I know.'' I turned completely to him and smiled. ''He doesn't really feel dead in my heart.''

A gust of wind pushed past us. Kaito, as if hearing something I can't, moved his head to the side, facing the clearing.

''… Gin!'' Gon's voice echoed, bringing a calming wave through my battered body. Unable to help myself, I let myself fall on my bottom, sitting cross-legged on the forest floor. I watched Kaito's long shadow and mine.

''…Here.'' Not surprise, I blinked at the familiar face of the Hunter's card.

I refused to look into his eyes, a bit afraid that he'll see something in mine. ''W-what…is it?'' I took them into both hands, foxbear still sat on my thighs and around my arms.

''It's a Hunter's license. All Hunters have it.'' Then as if hesitant, he continued. ''Your father is a one. I am one, too. I am on a mission to find your father. It is my last test and the most difficult hunt in the world.''

''…Oh.''

Placing a hand on my head, he straightened up and just as he was starting to leave. ''No! Please, stay for a bit. Meet Gon.''

Our eyes met. ''Tell him what you told me, please! Please! He needs to know. Not from me, but you!'' I repositioned myself on my knees. If he leaves... there will be nothing I can do to stop him.

''Gin!'' Gon ran, landing on his knees and stopping just beside me. The little foxbear in my arms started becoming violent again. ''What...'' he looked down at the baby bear, to me and then to the man I was begging to stay. Then, before anything else, he grabbed the bear into his arms.

I let him.

''… Who are you? What happened to my sister… and that foxbear…'' Gon looked down at the violent bear in his arms once again, then with horrified eyes, to me. ''You were attacked, weren't you? Sis? This blood. Are they… Are you hurt anywhere? Tell me!'' One hand holding the bear, his other hand were warm and strong on the side of my face, switching to my neck, and shoulders then back again.

Unwillingly, the lump in my throat was back and my tears welled up again. ''G-gon…'' Letting go of the foxbear, he immediately wrapped his arms around me, holding me as I trembled.

 _Ohmygod… I was so… I'm so scared!_

''He… saved my life, Gon. He said he knows Ging and that he's alive… and he's a hunter like him. Look, he gave me his c-card!'' Eyes brightening at the sound of our absent father's name, Gon twisted his neck back to Kaito and beamed at him like a child would in a candy store.

''Really? You know him, uh... What's your name, Mister?!'' Sweet Gon remained at my side, holding and massaging my hands against his very warm ones. Or maybe my hands were just really cold. His other arm were round my back.

I could feel Kaito watching us, assessing and analysing like a good Hunter. I leaned towards my brother and hid my burning eyes against his neck.

''… My name is Kaito. I hope never to have to save your sister's life again.''

Gon laughed.

I squeezed his hand and burrowed deeper into him because I know there is a very high possibility that he will have to. If not mine, Gon's or maybe both of us.

* * *

''I met your twins.''

''Hmm….''

''I told them you're alive.''

' _'_ _Fufufu_ … Mito told them I died then.''

''In a car crash.''

''Tche! Boring...''

''….''

''One of them….She…''

''Hm?''

''She is special…''

Ging raised an eyebrow.

''and has a very colourful tongue.''

''…What?''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Hello?! Haha I see that I've gained some followers for this story. Thank you very much for reading it! (I'm assuming you guys did!) Now, if only you take a little time to tell me what you think so far? Do tell me if my characters seems a little OOC, please? Hehehe... Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy the story as much as I enjoy writing it._

 _I don't own Hunter X Hunter! Only Gin!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	6. Chapter 5 - To live is an adventure

**Chapter 5 – Hunter X Hunter – To live will be an awfully big adventure**

 _''_ _To live will be an awfully big adventure'' ~ Peter Pan._

* * *

 _~Nine years Old~_

From that little incident, I think it is obvious how easily everything can change now that I exist. I became blind at my own faults. I became too overconfident, depending only on myself where I have Gon here and everyone.

Kaito disappeared as easily as he appeared after saying a brief good bye. I caught one last look of his pretty hair and regretted the fact that I didn't tell him that fact.

 _He probably knows already though._

Gon carried me on his back to our house. I was surprised to see fox-bear beside us, though. I thought that he'd run the moment Gon lets him go. But to my surprise, when I placed my hand in front of him, he climbed and willingly rested in between Gon and me.

I nuzzled his head with my nose, smiling ruefully. _I'm sorry._

Foxbear nuzzled back.

Mito found us… or maybe we found Mito midway. In her horror upon seeing my state, she covered her mouth and froze for a moment then ran towards us. Gon had insisted that he can carry me to our home.

I couldn't meet Mito's eyes.

Aside from the dried blood covering my back and the cuts, scrapes and bruises decorating my legs and the multiple claw marks running angrily up and down the entire length of both my arms, some on my chest, neck and jawline, I was okay.

 _Right... But my inner girl is crying._

However, I was kinda proud of these marks. It is weird and cliché but I feel like I deserve these marks given to me by foxy. Shimura-sensei said they will definitely scar – some more noticeable than others. I smiled brightly at him and said it was okay. Shimura-sensei peered on to my wet and battered face, sighed and shook his head.

''You are such a trouble-maker, Gin-chan. Always getting into trouble.'' As he packed his belongings in his suitcase, he addressed me once again. ''Once you're healed up, would you like to come and work in my clincic?''

Eyes widening, I nodded vigorously, grimacing when I felt my tiny stitches and cuts sting. ''I would love to! Please, Shimura-sensei!'' _It would be very, very helpful! I need this. Why haven't I thought if it before?! Man! I was stupid! Obviously, I need some medical knowledge to pass and survive the exam. Sure, doing pre-med in my past life might help but I can hardly remember everything! What was I thinking?! Did I really think my reading will be enough compared to reading plus practical and hands-on experience and advice from a proper doctor?!_

Laughing a little, Shimura-sensei gave me a gentle pat on the head. ''Do be careful, brave child. Always remember, that you're not alone.'' Shimura-sensei was a greying man but not really that old. There's kindness and wisdom in his grey eyes that really comforted me. He's like the Hunter X Hunter version of Gandalf. Only he doesn't have a beard, a little tanned and still has some dark hair. He is also rarely crossed.

 _Those kinds of people are dangerous though. You'll never know how they are when they get crossed or if they are only masks of their true selves…_

''Hey sis, you better now?'' Gon appeared at the doorway.

''Yeah.'' I patted the space next to me. Gon walked in and sat down. I can't meet his eyes. He turned at the curled bear beside me.

''Hey! You thought of a name, yet?''

Laughing a little, ''I think I'll call him foxy.'' I said, smothering a smile.

''Foxy? Well… he looks a bit like a fox.'' He nodded. He leaned closer to the sleeping animal. ''Hel-loo Foxy!''

''Yowwwl!''

Gon laughed. ''I think he likes me.''

When he laughs, you can't help but laugh too. Even though you sometimes have no idea why he is laughing. Weird. ''He hasn't killed you yet so… I guess. Kaito said to let him live in the woods though, because that's his home.''

''Well, he could still go home there! This could be his home too! His second home!''

I smiled, feeling the worry rush away. But I still can't meet his eyes longer than 3 seconds.

''Is there something wrong, Gin-chan?''

Gon rarely calls me Gin-chan. Only when he's… acting older brother. Mito-said before that Gon was born 4-5 minutes earlier than me, according to a letter sent by our father. She had let us see the letter, too.

From Ging's writing, I could make out his simplicity. He wrote his letters big and fat. His sentences were brash but still, sounded almost happy when he wrote stories about 'my twins'. He gave only one sentence saying that our mother died.

''Gin…'' Gon held my hand.

''Do you believe in after-life, Gon?'' Slowly, I felt my body starting to weaken and my eyes started to droop. Gon tucked me in under the duvet.

''Hmm… Yeah, why not?'' Gon held both of his cheeks, his elbows resting on our bed.

''Why?''

''Why not?'' I gave him a disappointed look. '' _Ha!_ '' He poked at my nose. ''Every thing's possible, right?''

''Do you think, we'll still be together in the after-life?''

He smiled. '' I sure hope so! I can't imagine life without you! Gin!''

I closed my eyes and let my tears fall. ''Stay?''

He chuckled. ''Where-else will I go? Foxy's got my place, though!''

Gon left my side and lied down on the other side – his side of the bed. He lifted Foxy carefully and re-invaded his spot. I curled myself against him.

''I'm sorry, Gon.''

''S' okay. Love you, Gin.''

''Love you too.''

Because I was still stuck in bed, I asked Gon if he could borrow me some books from the library.

''I like books about plants, Gon.'' _It will be helpful to have some knowledge of them for our coming 'adventures'._

''What type?'' came his confused answer.

I craned my neck to check on Mito. _Okay. Clear._ ''Everything! Rare plants, carnivorous plants, poisonous plants, medicinal plants…''

''Carnivorous plants?''

I chuckled at his expression. ''Yup! I read before about plants who eats unsuspecting humans! I think it will be helpful for me to recognise them before one grabs you, right?''

''…there are none of those in the forest, are they?''

''Well, it's not like we've travelled and seen all of it.''

Gon threw himself at me. He supported himself with his hands which he placed on other side of my hips. With an excited manic grin and his body trembling in anticipation, he asked me if I want to do just that.

With a small secretive smile, I narrowed my eyes at him and let my voice adopt a coercing tone. ''Well… better get me those books then.''

With an answering mischievous grin, Gon kissed at my cheek and ran out of the house like an elephant.

Shaking my head, I thought of the underlying message of what we just had. I know Gon's been thinking and is now very determined to become a hunter. I had given him Kaito's Hunter license and I've never seen it ever since. I know he wants to find Ging.

 _''_ _I want to know what job is amazing enough to make it seem worth it to leave his own son.''_

Agreeing to travel and see the whole of the _Whale Island's_ wilderness with him, those plant life books and our exercises, he needs to be blind, deaf and completely desensitised not to get the message.

We're going to be Hunters.

Together.

''…Now, after those plant books, maybe I'll read more first aid and surgical books…. I wish he doesn't pick books only on carnivorous plants…'' I looked down at Foxy on my lap and petted his brown fur. He playfully nipped at my fingers. Reaching some berries on the bedside table, I handed him some berries and grapes.

I could tell that Mito doesn't like Foxy. She had been very quiet, cold and distant nowadays. Her hazel eyes darkens when our eyes met. Thus, it is safe to say that she's not happy with me. Why? Well, I think it is because… _I_ was the one who started doing exercises. _I_ was the one who started going off to the woods alone. _I_ got bitten by a snake at 6 and laughed it off. _I_ got attacked by a fox-bear and then saved by a Ging's student who informed us that Ging's alive. _I_ knocked down her lie and her hope of Gon and me staying here in _Whale Island,_ away from Hunters. Now, Gon wants to become a Hunter too, and from what I could tell, he has no qualms telling everyone he meets about it.

 _If I could choose, I'd really love to be in a Shoujo manga right now. Wolf girl and the Black Prince looks good. I'd love to break that Black Prince's face. Urgh._

* * *

 _Small Excerpt from this book: Wolf Girl and the Black Prince – shoujo manga, annoying crazy in love heroine, cool and handsome hero, school life, so cliché, self-insert._

I really don't know what happened. One moment, I was falling asleep, the next, I was walking. I faltered, my eyes blurring and darkening for a few seconds. The sudden change in my breathing pattern nearly choked me.

Suddenly, strong arms caught me around my shoulder. ''Whoah! You alright?''

''Hmm…Yeah… No… I feel dizzy.''

''Erika-chan?! Do you need to go to the Nurse's office?''

''…What? That will be….'' I looked up and saw unfamiliar brown eyes. ''…Uh… Sorry, who are you?''

The boy gave me a flat look. He looks offended. '' Seriously? Aren't we friends?'' He took a step back and let go of me. I wobbled. This seems to worry that guy and caught me before I fell. ''What's wrong with you? Why go to school if you're not feeling well?''

''School?'' I murmured.

''… Man! You're such an airhead!Hahaha! Come one, we'll go see Kyouka-kun!''

 _What?_ ''…No one accused me of being an airhead before.'' I told him flatly, offended.

He just gave me a look that said; _Really?_ ''…You're wearing a skirt.''

''…I was?''

''Tch. Stop being sarcastic.'' He knelt in front of me. ''Come, on my back, Erika-chan. School's just around the corner.''

I frowned. _School? What the fuck? Where am I? Who's Erika? Who's this red-haired guy?_ Panic slowly bubbled in my head as a wave of memories hit my head. _So familiar… San-chan, Kamiya, Erika, Kyouya…_

 _…_ _Wolf girl_

 _And the Black Prince._

 _''_ _Compared to you, I get along with that bitch much better.''_

''What?''I whispered to myself.

I chuckled in disbelief. I looked around at the increasing amount of teens looking at us. They were all wearing the same uniform. No one stood out. They just look like a flock of same birds to me. I don't know anyone here.

''…Wolf girl and the black prince?! Ha! '' I pinched myself. It hurt. ''Wake up!'' I jumped and slapped myself repeatedly like a lunatic. I stopped and looked around, my vision blurring and my temples throbbing. ''Ohmygod… ''

''…Erika-chan? A-are you okay?''

I looked up at the guy a while ago. ''What's your name?''

He tilted his head to the side. ''It's Kamiya, idiot. Hey… Did you hit your head somewhere?''

Tears suddenly welled up, obscuring my vision. ''Kamiya…'' The guy's face softened and the worried look on his face became more pronounced. I closed my eyes when the multiple earings fastened on his ear flashed.

''…Hey, hey… You're okay!'' He said, softly.

But my heart was beating too fast and it became much harder to breathe. Next thing I knew, black dots clouded my vision and I fainted.

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Hahahaha! For those of you who doesn't know Wolf Girl and the Black Prince, it's a shoujo manga. Basically it's about this girl who lies to her friends about having a boyfriend. To be honest, she's really, really annoying! But for some reason, I waited and waited for the manga to update until it finished. Only because I was waiting and hoping for a part where the girl finally gets a backbone. Erika is the main female character. Kyouya is the cool, black prince who'll treat and call her his dog in exchange of acting like her perfect boyfriend. Kamiya is a supporting character who's an extreme ' playboy', who tried to convert Kyouya to the 'playboy religion' LoL. They became friends later on and he became a supportive friend who often teases Kyouya and Erika yada..yada...yada.. Obviously, this fictional world is so so so safe compared to Hunter X Hunter. That's why Gin jokingly wishes to be reborn in this kind of world. It's not that different to our real world, after all._

 _But I think if we flat-out ask Gin. I really, really think and hope she'll stay with Gon. She'll probably won't be able to stop herself to strangle Kyouya-the-black-prince-who-doesn't -know- how- to-treat-girls-right-because-he-only-uses-them-for-sex... yada-yada-yada..._

 _This is an awfully short chapter. Just shows how Gin starts to be more open and dependent on Gon. Next chapter is the start of the adventure! Departure X Friends! Oooooh! So excited!_

 _What do you think of the excerpt? Hahaha! Keep on following!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	7. Chapter 6 - Brave at heart

**Chapter 6 - Brave at heart**

 _''_ _You might belong in Gryffindor_

 _Where dwell the brave of heart_

 _Their daring, nerve and chivalry_

 _Set Gryffindors apart.''_

 _~J.K Rowling_

* * *

 _-12 years old-_

Today, Gon went out to the woods by himself to catch the Lord of the lake. He woke me up this morning. The sun hasn't even risen.

''I'll go catch the Lord of the Lake, sis. Wish me luck?''

I smiled and sleepily pulled his forehead to my lips. ''Go get 'em, tiger!''

''Rawr!'' He chuckled and crawled away.

''Get some grapes for Foxy, will you?''

''Sure!'

* * *

After he left, I wasn't able to sleep anymore. So, I showered and prepared myself for the day to come.

I took out and dressed in my light brown cropped trousers, a white short-sleeved shirt, and black combat boots. The complete ensemble looks plain, yes, but to someone like me who is a fan of star-wars, I couldn't help but fangirl very hard at my beautiful idea.

To complete the costume, I took out two earth-brown long scarves I bought from the market and crossed them against my chest and back, fastening them using a brown belt. Next, I bandaged my arms. It's good because they also covered my scratch marks, although I'm not that bothered about them actually. I twirled around, happy with the costume. _Light and pretty. I could easily run with these._

I then gathered my wavy black hair and gathered them in a bundle, squeezing the excess water into my towel.

Opening our window, I breathed in the unpolluted cool air. The house was high up on a hill that from my vantage point, I could see the vastness of the forest and the port not so far away. It was amazing how much I could see. In my past life, I remember having to squint my eyes just to try and make out the words from the board a few feet away. Now, my vision seems stark clear, my scent of smell sharp and my hearing not so bad. I wondered if it had something to do with the environment. Computers and mobile phones aren't trendy here and there were no cars roaring and beeping outside. The air is also unpolluted.

Or maybe it was because of Ging's genes.

 _Most likely._

Grabbing my book on _Basic surgical techniques_ and an unread book on _Traditional herbal remedies, the sixth edition,_ I've put them in my brown backpack and expertly climbed up the roof, making absolutely no noise.

Smirking at my success, I sat down cross-legged on our red shingled roof and concentrated, entering my meditation state.

 _There are six Nen types –_ a card with an XX brand on its back, floated and slowly rotated to face me inside my subconscious. Nen types – it says. Six cards followed, containing data on the six nen types. _Enhancement – has the ability to enhance or strengthen themselves or other objects. Example – Gon, Ging, Uvogin. People with this type of Nen are often simple, straightforward and selfish. Transmutation – has the ability to change the quality of aura to suit their needs. Example – Hisoka, white-haired kid, best friend of Gon. People with this type of Nen are often prone to deceit and fickle. Rare to show their true intentions. Conjuration – creating objects from aura. Example –blond guy. Name uncertain. Something rhyming with 'ka'. I don't know anyone else. People with this type of Nen are probably people who think before doing something. Patient and smart. Noble? Specialisation_ – Chrollo Lucifer. _Very rare Nen type. Could have many possibilities. Conditions needed to strengthen their powers. Manipulation – control of animate or inanimate objects. One of the Phantom troupe – the one with the cell phone is a manipulator. Information INSUFFICIENT. Emission – has the ability to attack from a far. Example – the man in the black suit. Name unknown. Information insufficient._

 _Nen_ _nodes_ are found on bodies. If I concentrate enough, I can feel its flow. _Zetsu_ is the ability to null your aura so you can hide and sense better. I think it's the easiest. So I had tried and mastered it first. _Now… I only need to stay still and wait._

Wind swiftly went past. The crickets sung in the background. Birds are waking up. The baby birds chirping, hungry. Their mother's flew away to hunt some food. Roosters crowed. As the sun rose up higher, slowly, everything came alive. Grandmother Abe has risen from bed. Mito's alarm clock rang. She groaned and hit it to stop. She started to rustle and stretch.

The wind hit me, sending the salty breeze of the ocean to my face. A bird flew and landed on my still shoulder, chirping curiously at me.

 _Zetsu complete._

I rummaged my bag for a small stop-watch.

 _Now. Concentrate your aura to your fists._ The bird flew away from the resulting high-pitched sound. I tried breathing normally but doing this thing for more than 5 minutes hurt. _Let's see if I can extend it a bit longer._ My temples throbbed. And I released the aura, exhaling and inhaling heavily.

I waited until the growing headache subsided before I concentrated my aura to cover my body again. _Last practise… Concentrate it to your eyes. 1, 2, 3… Go!_ _1, 2,_ Breathe in… _3, 4,_ Breathe out… 5, 6, Breathe in… _7, 8_ , breathe out… _9, 10…_

I clicked the watch and let out a deep sigh, willing the repeated twinges of pain in my head to subside.

Ideally, my punches plus my aura will result to a powerful hit. I've tried it only a few times – secretly, of course. I haven't told Gon anything about auras yet. I thought about it. But it will be too troublesome to explain. It will also attract too much unwanted attention, mainly on _how._ Besides, Gon will be fine if things go according to plan (let's ignore the fox-bear incident). And I don't intend to use any _Nen_ on anyone. If I play my cards right, I can make it look like I'm not aware of what I'm doing.

 _Also, Gon isn't really the epitome of subtlety._

Laying myself flat on the cool roof, I watched the fluffy clouds swim through the blue sky. I smiled as I remembered a certain shadow-ninja from another universe – Shikamaru.

''Ah… troublesome.'' My smile grew into a big smirk. Next thing I know, I was giggling.

I turned to see my brown pack and imagined the books I have in there. Borrowing anything else other than textbooks is difficult. I can't really borrow adult books yet… _Such a shame._

''Ah… how lovely it would be to be the Kakashi of this world?''

Life is too dangerous and short here. Might as well do everything I want to do before I die. I've always wanted to read good smut books in public, but finding one with a good plot is difficult. Maybe I could write one myself and have it published. After passing the Hunter's exam, it shouldn't be a problem…

That is… if I survive that exam.

 _Oh COME ON! Maybe you'll just need to survive to do everything you want then! Imagine that!? Money! Endless amount of money! You can buy anything, everything you want! Buy as many books you want, build a library! Imagine the clothes you can buy! The make-ups and the food…_

 _Imagine the fights you'll have. The monsters I'll have to face. The blood and the gore. The fear of dying, of looking at death's face and telling him to fuck off…_

 _Well…_

''…Gin? Are you up there again?'' Mito's sweet voice broke me out from my growing depression.

''Yeah. I'm here.'' I slipped my bag around my armpits and slid down. I let my legs dangle in the air. My hands gripped at the roof's edge as support. Smiling innocently at Mito's disapproving stare, I greeted her; ''Good-morning, Aunt Mito! Lovely day, isn't it—''

'' Get in here before you fall!'' She took a few steps back. Gripping the edge tighter, I jumped into the room. As cool as Jacob Black.

Sighing again, Mito massaged her forehead as if to drive away the frown threatening to decorate her forehead. I felt a little guilty. But I don't think me being in the roof is her problem. It's the fact that Gon's not here and our pending departure.

''Aunt Mito, would you mind if I help you in the market today?'' I asked softly.

Mito stared at me. Her face was blank but her eyes, sad. Then, her lips curled to a sad, defeated smile. ''…Okay. Come eat some breakfast downstairs. Then, we go.'' She paused, looking at my outfit. I twirled and let the soft brown scarves fly around me. Mito just smiled and left.

 _I could also use this time to hunt for good weapons._

* * *

The talk of the town was Gon, as expected. The islanders also wasted no time asking me if I'll go with Gon, as expected. When one of them asked me this, I looked up to Mito. She knew this was coming, too. I reached for her hand and gave it a little squeeze.

''Well… someone needs to look after him!'' I smiled.

They chuckled and gave me some friendly pats on the shoulders and wished me good-luck. Mito squeezed my hand back. Then, she leaned down and kiss me on the temple.

''Go.'' She whispered softly. ''I know you were going somewhere else, Gin.'' Then, she placed a heavy pouch in my hand.

''A-aunt! I have some savi—'' she silenced me with a finger.

''Buy all you think you both need, for me.''

Biting my lip, I gave her a shaky smile. I really appreciated it. Mito's very kind. I feel very sorry that we're hurting her. I tiptoed and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. ''I'll be back before sunset… mom!''

Then, I ran.

* * *

I've thought of many types of weapons. But it's so complicated. Gon has no weapons at all when he entered the exam. And the lucky brat had no need of it. His fishing rod and skill was good enough.

But I'm not Gon. I wasn't brave like him. I'm not very patient, either. I panic quickly. I can't change other people's minds and connect with them using just my charms and wit. No, I am more like a fight or flight kind of person. That's why I need weapons. I can't afford to rely on anything else.

Sword-fighting, no matter how cool it looks, is a no-go. It requires practise and lots of learning. Even though, I found some books on it, I can't really make sense of the details much. Also, it's difficult to practise without an instructor.

Bow and arrow, is a possible yes. But too conspicuous to carry around. The key is for me to look as harmless as possible. Having a bow and a bag of arrows will obviously attract attention. Not to mention, can restrict my moment.

So, in conclusion, the best weapons that will suit me will be knives. Simple, portable and deadly. I nodded at myself. _I like it!_

I happily skipped towards the blacksmith's shop, going past the forgery. The doorbell rang as I went in and I smiled at the grumpy man behind the counter then to his young apprentice.

The grumpy, scowling man didn't say anything. The first time I came here was when I was 9. But I didn't even get to take a step before the owner bellowed at me to get out his shop. I didn't expect such a violent reaction, so by instinct, I ran out. I tried again and again of course, but the result was always the same so I contented myself with just looking at the displays from outside, ignoring his watchful eyes.

Now, I waited for him to shout at me again to get out. But nothing came out. He probably heard of the Twins leaving to do the Hunter exam tomorrow. Nevertheless, I took a careful step towards him. He 'humphed' and opened his newspaper.

The inside of the shop was warm, though no fireplace was there. The smell of steel, fire and smoke were rich. Inside here, the smell of the ocean was cut off. It's like being in an entirely different world. Gone was the peaceful, quaint atmosphere I know about _Whale Island_. Inside, surrounded by steel, metal and fire, contained inside these dark wooden walls, I was reminded of everything that is not _Whale Island._

Tall glass cabinets containing different weapons stood behind the counter. Different weapons like axe, swords, maces, spears, bayonets and war hammers of various sizes and types hung on the walls.

 _Whooh! I think I'm falling in love._ I placed one hand against my erratic heart. A part of me was getting excited and inspired just looking at the weapons. ' _I want to learn how to use them all'_ said the crazy part of me.

However, the more rational part of my head tells me to get a hold of myself. These are weapons that _kill. They are made for blood, death and despair._

 _But also justice and life. How else are you going to protect yourself and Gon? Besides, there was no harm just looking and marvelling at their sheer awesomeness._

The owner 'humphed' again. I turned and found him looking at me with a strange spark in his eyes. He placed a cigarette between his dark lips. The owner was a big, burly man. His shoulders were very broad from all the hard-work his job as a blacksmith requires. I wondered if he was a Hunter or some kind of fighter before.

I approached the young apprentice instead of him. He smiled at me. ''Hello.'' I bowed. ''Please, can you help me choose?''

''Sure! What kind of weapons are you looking for?''

I looked around. ''…Some throwing and combat knives, maybe?'' I asked while I looked around with _Nen_ focused around my eyes.

One of the Katanas glowed. _But I can't use that_.

''Knives are this way, Miss.''

I let go of the _Nen_ and followed the guy. ''I want them easily accessible but also easy to hide.'' I started to explain. ''Also, I plan to strap some on my arms and legs. So I need a gear, a weapon strap or something… I… really would like to avoid some hand to hand combat but there is a very high chance it will happen. That's why… lightweight and sharp throwing knives are my major choice. Then I'll have combat knives strapped on my arms and legs where I can easily reach them if I am forced to fight in close combat. Do you have any suggestions?'' I looked up for a response but found him nonplussed. I supressed a sigh but I smiled at him patiently and looked down to hide my annoyance.

 _Some help, he is._

Activating my _Nen_ around my eyes, I easily spotted one knife in particular. It was a medieval dagger. It looked okay, but a little too big for my hands. I needed something with a good grip, lightweight and sharp.

''Uh… I need something with a good -''

''—MOVE, brat. Lemme handle this.'' Cut off by the boss. The young apprentice politely stepped back.

I looked up at the man who looked back at me. ''Easy to conceal, easy to access, long-ranged and short-ranged.'' He grinned again then removed the small used-cigar from his lips, handing it to his apprentice who took it carefully and left to dispose of it.

I nodded, oddly feeling excited.

The big man then began placing different types and styles of knives on the glass counter. I smiled appreciatively as the ones he picked were ones which I could see will fit someone small and _*cough*_ fragile as me. He then took out some straps. Then, with a wave, he let me examined the stuff.

I picked up a very slim short knife about the length of my arm with a black handle. Twirling it between my fingers, I breathed in and loved the way it almost felt like holding a pen.

''Stiletto. That's a stiletto, a stabbing weapon. Blade's like a needle, yes? That means it's only very good for stabbing, not for slashing or cutting. That's a good one.''

I nodded and placed it to one side. ''I'll place it on my right leg.'' I told him even though I don't really have to. ''But how do I know if it needs sharpening? It looks sharp to me but I don't know how to test if a knife is sharp enough.''

The man nodded. He seems to like my question. ''If you can cut an arm hair with it, it's sharp enough. You can test by cutting paper too. If it tears the paper right through then it's sharp. Of course, if you're an expert, you'd know just by looking.'' He raised an eyebrow and with deliberate slowness, he picked up another knife. ''All my knives and weapons here are sharp, you know. Here…'' I took it, carefully.

''Combat knife?'' I asked as I tried on its grip and weight.

''Why did'ou think so?'' I could hear the smile from his voice.

''The grip's good, a little heavier than the needle but still light. I like the blade.''

''Gerber Silver Trident, double serrated blade. You're right, the grip is good. Good for you, brat. Strap it to your weaker hand. Are you left handed or right?''

''Both. I'm Ambidextrous. But I admit I feel stronger in my right hand. But I can write and throw knives in both hands and both are just as good.''

He nodded. ''You practised then. That's good. Well done.'' Then, as if catching himself, ''Might keep you alive for a bit.''

I smiled at his cute antics. ''Thanks.''

''Use that for main combat. It can slash, cut and stab. Grip's good so no problem there. It's also very sharp so be careful not kill yourself with it. Here's another one; it's twin. You can fight on both hands with them?''

''Hmm-mm…''

A pause. ''You can fight with them, can't you?''

''Yes! Of course! I've been practising…Not just with another person.''

The man face palmed. ''You know, it's actually different when you're doing it for real, right?''

I nodded, remembering the mother foxbear.

''Here: straight edge knife. Good for survival, easy to handle and easy to sharpen.'' I opened my mouth. ''Here's a whetstone. You know how to sharpen, right?'' I nodded. He continued, leaning forward. His dark eyes sparkling from the glass's light.

''Listen, this one, use it for carving, gutting your game, or whatever. You can use it to kill but that's-''

''-not very hygienic.'' I continued. He nodded.

''But if you have no choice, use it. Keep this in your pack.'' I nodded.

Now, I have a stabbing knife to be placed on my right leg, a survival knife in my bag and a twin combat knife on my left and right arm.

''Can you recommend another combat knife for my other leg, please?''

He paused. ''Here…'' He gave me three knives. They felt lighter than the others. All black with circles at the end of the handles. ''Throwing knives. You say you've never fought with a _real person_ before. You've practised throwing knives, you said?''

''Yes. I think I am very good at them.'' I boasted.

He nodded. ''Three of them at each leg. That stiletto, give it back. That's no good if you're not experienced.''

I pouted. ''But I like it!''

He glared at me. ''Give them back, kid.''

So, I did.

He placed four straps beside the knives. ''Wait a minute.'' He walked around and emerged out from behind the counter with a short stool.

''This…'' he brandished one weapon strap that had three sheaths. '' is for the throwing knives. But we're placing them on your thigh, instead of legs. Your legs are _too_ thin and you say you wanna conceal it, didn't you? ''

I nodded.

''So, we'll place them around your fat thighs. Make them easier for you to grab too.''

''Excuse me? Did you just say my thighs are—''

''Fat, yes brat. Now, place your big foot on the stool.''

I swallowed the hurt and crossed my arms on my chest. He pointed at the short stool. I placed my foot on it. ''My legs aren't fat! They're muscles!''

''Yeah, yeah.''

I scoffed at his rudeness. _They're muscles!_

He crouched and leaned down to secure the straps around my thighs. ''Hand me the knives. Now, up the other leg. Knives…'' He knelt and held out his hand. '' Arm... Knife…Other arm…'' I gave him the last knife and he carefully slipped the knife in the thick material.

I stood up and tried jogging at my position, punching and kicking through the air. ''It's a little weird.''

He stood and placed his hands on his hips, silently appraising me. ''You'll get used to it. That your outfit?''

''Yep!'' I proudly said and gave a little twirl. _And its Star wars inspired!_

''You have a shit fashion sense.''

''—Hey! This is an original fashion trend! It's extraordinary, out of this world fashion from a galaxy far, far away! - Why do you look like that?''

''You're crazy.''

I flipped my hair and winked. ''Thank you!''

He closed his eyes and shook his head. ''Overall, you have six knives on your legs. That's more than enough since you say you're _good_ at them. And you have two twin blades on your arms so you have something to pull out very quickly in a hand-to-hand combat.''

I nodded. I've been smiling way too much, my cheeks started to hurt. This, plus the knives I've collected will me more than good enough. _But… man, I didn't know he can be this kind! 'Never judge a book by its cover' is so true._

''…Overall, that's 115, 000 Jennies. Including the weapon straps, that will be 195,000 Jennies.''

''…''

''Don't tell me after all _my help_ , you can't pay?''

''…Oy, Old man…'' I growled out. ''That can't be that much! You're pulling my leg!'' I shouted. _What the fuck? That's fucking expensive!_

''Well, if you can't pay shit, you can't buy shit! Give them back!''

''No!''

''WHAT?! Give 'em!''

''You're fucking with me!''

''And if I was… Wait—What did you just say, brat!?''

I smirked and covered my mouth dramatically. ''Oh… Did I offend your virgin ears? I'm sorry!''

''WHAT!?''

I laughed heartily at his expression.

''Who the hell taught you those words?!''

''What… like fuck, shit, bullshit, shithole, asshole, asshat, fuckers, fucking hell, dickheads, pus-''

''STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!'' Still laughing, I slapped away the huge hand in front of my face. Then, I threw Mito's purse towards him. He caught it. _There's four big steps towards the door and it's a pull._

''That's my first instalment!'' _1, 2, 3, 4, PULL!_

The doorbell rang.

''—BRAT!''

''Goodbye Blacksmith-san! Thank you for your help!

And I sprinted away at full-speed.

* * *

The blacksmith pinched at his nose and sighed. He stood in front of his shop and stared at the dusty road. The girl, only in a matter of seconds, was gone.

''... Quiet genius, my ass. That girl's crazy. Not to mention, a fucking potty mouth.'' He murmured to himself.

''...What to expect? It's _Ging's girl_.''

* * *

Dinner that night was a quiet affair. Mito didn't talk much and Grandmother Abe remained her calm and smiling self. Gon also was uncharacteristically quiet. After dinner, Gon and I climbed up to our room.

After a while, in my pyjamas, I decided to eavesdrop and sat at the top of the stairs.

''It must be in the blood. No one has been able to catch the Lord after Ging pulled it off, at age 12. And now, his son has accomplished the same feat, at the same age. His eyes has the same shine as his father's. We can no longer stop him.''

I silently agreed with Grandmother Abe.

''And how about Gin? Gin's different!''

I stiffened.

''She'll go wherever her twin will go, Mito. Those two came here together, they will leave together, and come back together. We can't stop her either.''

Mito stood up. ''Excuse me, Grandmother.''

I stood and walked back to our room. I laid down in bed and opened a book, pretending to read. Mito's footsteps sounded from the stairs. She hesitated by the door for a moment then went in with an added determination in her steps. She addressed Gon, asking again if he was sure of what he's planning to do.

''He chose being a hunter over raising you and your sister, Gon!'' _He did, didn't he? Selfish, bastard._

''Isn't amazing?'' Gon replied and caught Mito off guard. ''Being a hunter is so great, he was willing to abandon his own kids!'' _Yes. Someone needs to sort out his priorities. Why have kids when he can't raise them?_

''Being a hunter is a dangerous job! You'll never know when you'll lose your life! I inwardly nodded. _Tell me all about it, Mito. Why do you think I have these dark circles around my eyes? My mind just keeps making up things of how I'd die!_

''I want to become a hunter and discover why it's so important to my dad!''

I closed my eyes and tried to keep my anger at bay. _God, I hate it when this topic comes out._

''And you? Gin? You know how dangerous everything is, right?'' Mito's voice shook, she knew there was no hope in stopping us and yet, she still tried. She's amazing.

''I'll go wherever Gon goes, Auntie.'' I said softly. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. ''I will keep his reckless ass safe. That's a promise.''

Mito's eyes softened in relief. Then, all of a sudden, her eyes sparked fire. ''Gin! What did I say about language!?''

''Ah… Haha…''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Whoo! This took me like...a day and a half to finish! I think I overdid writing because my eyes are now hurting a little from the glare of my computer. But oh well... So... Gin decided to have knives as her main weapons. What do you think of her outfit? Also, what do you think so far of her character? I'd love to hear your thoughts! But thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!_

 _To animagirl: My first reviewer! Thanks so much ! Yes! I finished the whole manga ages ago. Haha Well... Like you, I just don't really like Kyouya! Urgh! I know he's handsome and sexy but he was just so awfully tsundere! He's got some cute moments and I understand that he's personality is just like that but... (growls). Yeah.. I understand your point about Erika, too and yes! I think she's so frustrating to watch! But I'm happy that she found something she really liked to do, though. Something outside of Kyouya. But I just hate that arc with Rina! You know that right? I mean... WTF? Hahaha! I guess my personality is just a little different from Erika. Too prideful (like Kyouya) and too much of a feminist. But I know the feeling of wanting to fit in too. Anyhow, thanks for your review and thank you for liking Gin! Please continue reading and giving me your thoughts when you're not too busy._

 _So long, readers!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	8. Chapter 7 - Departure and Friends

**Chapter 7 – Hunter X Hunter – DEPARTURE X FRIENDS**

 _''_ _To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world.''~ Dr. Seuss_

* * *

I woke up from my light sleep. For a few moments, I contented myself with just lying in bed with my legs in a tangle with Gon's. It always looked like we fight over who gets to placed his/her limbs over another. I closed my eyes and imprinted this comfort and peace to memory because I know we or _I_ wouldn't have this kind of peace on the coming days or weeks, whatever. The moment Gon wakes up from his snoring, it will be the start of an adventure – _or a nightmare, whatever._

Letting out a shaky sigh, I carefully moved away from my twin and went to the bathroom. I scrubbed myself religiously. _Who knows when I could get a good shower again?_ Then, I thanked God and every powerful deity out there watching me on the fact that puberty hasn't hit me _yet_. _Shaving will be bothersome in the middle of nowhere where I'm fighting or hiding for my life and Gon's._

After drying, I took out my ensemble. It was a good stress relief. Something that I had control over. Something to be happy about in this new life of mine. _At least I can play dress up. Yeah!_

Doing a happy twirl again, I took out the small pack that contained the various knives I collected for years. I fastened it around my waist and my whole outfit was complete. Opening the zip, I checked my collection of folded knives and pocket knives. I've bought them secretly over the years and practised with them. They felt like my true friends. After all, they've seen me bleed, seen me cry and seen me breakdown when I get too stressed out and freak out every time I remember something about this world.

Next, I bandaged my arms then strapped on my weapons. The weapons straps the blacksmith gave me were dark brown and complemented my outfit well. The knife sheath around my arms were less conspicuous since the sheath was located on the inside of my arm. _But these are hunters we're looking at. Of course, they'll notice._ I wondered briefly if I should change my outfit. _But I won't be Rey anymore!_

 _You're not Rey anyway!_

I turned and checked one of the knife holster wrapped tightly around my right thigh. This one was facing outwards and you can definitely see the handles. Anyone close enough will be able to see I'm armed. Heavily armed.

 _So much for blending in._

Pouting, I dragged my feet to my dresser.

 _But I planned my outfit for ages! It's perfect!_

 _Shut up! Do you want them to challenge you or something? You can't let them see you!_

 _I'll be with Gon all the time! No one looks at young, innocent- Maybe not, but not a lot will take me too seriously, right? And I'm good at blending in…_

 _Not with that outfit._

I grabbed my head and stifled a groan. _I can't believe I'm talking to myself now._

I already packed a black sleeveless shirt and black leggings in my bag. I'll be wearing them just in case I soil myself. It wasn't as creative as my Rey-inspired garb but it's something I can use to encourage myself not to pee in my pants.

''…Gin? Woah, you're ready now?!''

I turned to Gon. ''Gon, how do I look?'' I pirouetted.

''You look good!''

''…''

''You look really cool and pretty!''

''Thank you!'' I looked down and sighed. ''But do you think I should change into something… less weird?''

Gon rubbed his sleepy eyes and tilted his head to the side. ''Why? You look fine to me...''

''Yeah… But, what about to others? I don't wanna attract too much attention…''

Gon chuckled. His familiar eyes glittering in amusement.

''What?'' I asked. I feel like he was laughing at me.

''...''

''What?!''

Gin shook his head and bit his lip as if attempting hide his smile. ''Gon…'' I growled.

''… You look like you're going to war.''

''… That's the hunter exam though, isn't?''

He shrugged and looked thoughtful for a moment. ''Dunno… Probably.''

 _Of course he doesn't know._ I walked towards him and sat on the bed. He stared at me, expectantly. I unstrapped the pack hanging just above my hip then opened it between us. I heard Gon gasp.

''G-gin!''

Emptying my bag, I laid my knives on the bed.

''How many do you have?!''

''Sh!'' I glared at him and moved my head to the side, towards Mito's room.

Gon bowed in apology and whispered. ''How many?''

''I'm bringing only 10.''

His eyes went wide. '' _Only 10!?''_ He repeated in an are-you-crazy tone.

''I want you to have one, or two or three, as many as you want with you at all times.'' Our eyes met. Identical – one surprised, another was determined. ''You've tried before, haven't you? You're good at them. But I don't know why you prefer that fishing rod of yours.''

''Hey! I caught the Lord with that rod!''

''Humph. Anyway…'' I finished lining them up. ''These are pocket knives. You can use them as throw knives, stabbing knives, slashing knives, cutting knives, whatever. They're light, too. Choose one or how many you want.''

Gon gulped and took a deep breath. He hovered his hand over them. He picked up a Spear Point knife and then slowly removed its sheath.

''Spear-pointed knife. That's simple and very good, Gon.'' _Great for throwing and stabbing._ ''Throwing and stabbing. Do you want another one?''

He looked at me and nodded. ''Two is always better than one. '' He said with a smile.

I smiled back. ''Yeah. It is.''

''Suggestion?''

''Hm…Here. Pocket and folding knife. Keep it in your pocket, okay?''

He nodded.

''Do you have the first-aid kit I gave you?''

''Yep. In my bag, sis.''

I nodded while packing up. ''Good. Oh. And before I forget. Here.'' I handed him a small vial.

''Pepper spray?''

''Use it and keep it always within reach, brother. There's paedos everywhere.'' I told him the grave truth. We looked at each for a moment. I kissed him on the forehead before scrambling away to check my outfit again on the mirror, twirling left and right.

''Aren't they a little showy...?''

''You look beautiful, sister.''

I kissed Grandmother Abe in the forehead. She squeezed my holstered arm and then held my cheek, patting it gently. The old woman was always calm and smiling.

''We'll come home after the exam, Grandmother. Stay healthy and alive to welcome us, yeah?''

She let out scratchy but hearty laugh. She slapped my cheek a little harder. ''We will be waiting every day for your return.'' Then, she lowered her voice. ''Take care of yourself, Gin. Don't be too reckless.''

''Ha? Reckless? Me? Nah…''I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. Then, I approached Mito. ''That boy…leaving without me? Traitor.'' I covered my eyes from the glare of the sun and could just make up Gon running and waving at us below the hill.

''Oy Gon! Wait up!'' I shouted at him. ''Geez…'' I murmured then turned to say my goodbye to Mito. Only to freeze when I found her in tears.

''Gin…'' She whispered then hugged me.

''I'm sorry, Auntie.''

Mito laughed and wiped her tears with a sad smile. Then, she unwrapped her arms from me to hold my face. ''Listen.'' Her hands tightened. ''Stay. Together! All the time, okay! You can't separate!''

''That's the plan, Auntie.''

Her face crumpled again and hugged me once more. I ignored how soft her chest were… _This is a dramatic moment! Be serious!_

Then, she pushed me and took a step back. ''Go. If you stay any longer, you'll miss the ship and I don't think I can be sad about that.''

I let out a small laugh. Of course, she won't. ''See you later, Auntie! Granny!''

Then, I ran. When I was far enough, I turned over my shoulder for one last look. I could just make out Mito's silhouette waving at us.

''Gin!''

''…Coming!''

''I'm going to be the best Hunter in the world! Once I'm the best Hunter, I'll come back! '' I closed my eyes tightly and gritted my teeth. Hearing it in my head and hearing it for real is a little creepy. I crossed my arms and rubbed the goose bumps on my skin. The memories regarding the last time I rode a ship was one thing, living in one of my visions were another, and the fact that I feel a little sick, is just fucking awful.

Someone chuckled dryly. ''Best hunter _… kid doesn't respect us_ … '' I gripped my arms tighter.

''Every year, thousands of applicants join the Hunters exam. Only a handful are selected.'' Someone so-helpfully said.

Gon turned to me. _Are you okay?_

I smiled at his terse expression. _Yeah. I'll be fine._ J _ust wondering where all my precious swagger went._ Then, I looked around. Instantly, my eyes caught him. The blonde-guy of my visions wore a blue and yellow tabard over a white long-sleeved shirt and trousers. He was looking out to the sea with a calm expression. I swallowed and searched for another guy – the one in the black suit. My lips twitched. He was reading a playboy magazine with a funny smirk on his face.

I followed Gon and we watched as a young sailor got bullied by his fellow shipmates. I mostly just watched Gon's reaction. He climbed down the stairs to help the young man. The door below me opened and a rotund man who smelled heavily of alcohol came out. _Captain?_ I wondered.

''Hey Losers! Don't slack off!'' _Yep. He's the captain alright._

''AA-ye, sir!''

I leaned and propped my head with my hand and my elbows resting on the wood railing. Sleepily watching Gon as he converse the captain. Turning away from them towards _Whale Island._

The wind suddenly picked up, sending salty droplets of water on my nape and the smell of a stronger saltier breeze to my direction. ' _God, please tell me there'll be no storm tonight.'_ I thought as I look out to the peaceful sea. _They say the sea is deceitful. One moment she's calm, the next she's raging. Like a woman on PMS._

As if to answer, the seagulls squawked and danced wildly overhead and I immediately saw a ball of green and black climbing up a net up to the top of the mast. ''A big storm is coming! I could tell by the smell!''

My jaw dropped. My intuition says so as well but I could always be wrong. But hearing them confirmed by Gon means it's really going to happen. _Oh God… A storm…_

 _Calm down. You've though of this! Now… open your bag and get out that rope. Then find somewhere quiet and secure. You can do this!_

* * *

That night, just as the sky seem to rumble and roar every few seconds and the waves are getting angrier and angrier, I told Gon I needed the toilet.

''Do you want me to come with you?''

''No. I'll be fine. Wait here, okay?''

''…Alright then.'' He agreed, a bit hesitant.

I smiled tightly at him, gave him a quick kiss and left quickly.

 _I need somewhere with good ventilation and quiet. There's too many people in there. So many scents intermingling with each other. It's awful. How does Gon stomach it? Gon will be fine, right?_

I swayed and I held myself still against the wall. _I can't let myself be sick. Not when Gon looks so alive out there. Damn it._

''…Miss, what are you doing here! O-orp…'' The sailor held both of his hands on his mouth. I walked past him.

 _Somewhere quiet… with good ventilation, cool and with easy access to water…_

I spotted the door. Water was slowly seeping through the gap between it and the floor. As I close our distance, the sound of rain splattering on the wood grew louder and it was colder. Opening it felt like facing an ice demon. The wind bellowed at my ears and rain pricked my skin like tiny needles. But for some reason, the cool rain felt good.

Just as I was stepping out, my rational mind interrupted. _Won't it be better if I stay inside? If everyone's inside, it must be better to stay there…_

Then, my evil part answered, sounding really persuasive and evil. _You'll never know until you tried._

I hung my head limply from my shoulders. _Why do I talk to myself all the damn time?_

I concentrated my aura on my feet to help steady myself and treaded carefully on the ship's deck towards the main mast. For some reason, the captain hasn't decided to set up his sails. I shrugged. _Can't really tell a captain how to do his job._

The wind quietened a little. I wasted no time and leapt up, climbing almost effortlessly through the ropes leading up to the mast's tower.

I unbound the rope and tightly wrapped it around the mast and me. Once secure, I sat cross-legged. _I wish not get electrified here. What a bad way to die…_

I closed my eyes and sighed at the nice feel of the cold rain, quickly soaking me to the bone. I wondered for the second or third time if this was a bad idea but then again, I was already here. And I just knew that I'll get sick in that small room filled with all the men. _They smelled horrid and the room was too small. Not ventilated well. No open windows._

The rain started to hurt. An idea popped into my mind and I felt my heart accelerate at it. Concentrating again, I let my aura out of my body and slowly let it envelope me like a velvet blanket. Instantly, the raindrops didn't hurt anymore and I stopped getting wet.

 _Oooh…Nice! Can it protect me from thunder-strikes? Ha-ha… Hello? Someone out there? That doesn't mean I want it tested on me! Thank you!_

I opened my eyes and watched as the ship and I danced with the waves. ''Oh..my GOD!'' I exclaimed when it all began.

It was like being on a ride and as if there was a switch, the ride started. I realised how everything relaxed for a moment, allowing me to gain my position up here until everything went to throwing mode.

The sky was dark and forbidding while the ocean looks like it wants to hurl us towards the sky. A flash of red and lightning bolted through the heavens as if Zeus was threatening to stab Poseidon's sea. I wondered again if Poseidon was the sea or if the sea was his armour and he is down below.

My eyes widened and I felt my stomach drop when I realised that the darkness in front of us was a huge wave, not the night. And are those… fish?

I stiffened as I started feeling the rain again after my protective shroud of aura dispersed momentarily in my shock. I took a deep breath and entered my own subconscious.

I mentally spread my cards into a line on an imaginary table, their XX mark facing up.

 _Today, I heard Gon say the exact words I knew he'd say. The blond guy and the suit and tie guy appeared. They were in the same room as Gon at the moment. What's supposed to happen now?_

I flipped a card and saw an image of Gon in the air above the waters. He was holding someone's hands. That someone being the guy I caught a glimpse of earlier. Behind him, the two other guys held his feet whilst they held onto the boat on one hand.

 _So my brother's going leap to his death, to be saved by those two guys. Is that how they become friends?_

I flipped the next card. It was a picture of a white-haired boy with purple eyes with a number 99 tag on his shirt, Gon's future best friend.

Next card: I stilled. It was a man I don't know. His face was the face of terror as he watched his arms disappear into red, pink and white fragments. I picked up the card, examining the picture closely. For a second, I thought the colours beautiful until I remembered the man's predicament. I replaced the card on the table. The card screamed Hisoka.

Another card; was a picture of a dark tunnel. _Vague._

''…Set down the sails! The water-spout's gonna get us!''

 _Water-spout?_ I opened my eyes again. From down below, I heard men shouting and grunting. The ship was still weaving through the stormy sea though the skies have quietened. I quickly untied the knot, my hands struggling a little because of how tight I tied it.

' _'_ _Fuck...fuck…fuckity-fuck…_ _Come on_!''

''Katsuo-san!'' I looked up when I heard Gon's voice. Then, more desperately worked at undoing my knot.

The moment I stood up, my breath caught in my throat and I can't help but scream. ''Gon!—''

I jumped down and landed on top of a wooden beam. My adrenaline keeping me going. _Gon! Gon! Gon!_ _''_ Gon!'' I ran and momentarily slipped on the wet floor. Stopping at the edge of the ship, in between the two guys holding my brother, I leaned down. ''Gon!?''

My brother held the unconscious guy. He smiled up brightly at me. ''I'm fine, sis!''

Exhaling a shuddering breath, my eyes refocused to the other two guys, holding my brother. They were looking at me. I held onto both their wrist, just in case their hands slipped.

''Help me pull them out!'' I hated the how small and high-pitched my voice was.

The men came. '''S Okay Miss, let me.''

''its okay, miss. Here.''

Next thing I know, I was safely behind the group of men as they worked together to pull out the guys. The moment I saw Gon's hair, however, I pushed my way in again, grabbed him by the armpit and pulled him out. The other men reached out and took their mate with them while I was busy trying to breathe and checking my brother.

''A-are you okay?!'' I asked, shakily.

 _It came true… he really jumped… It was the exact… exact image I saw from the card…_

He nodded, his head in my trembling hands. ''I'm okay! Are _you_ okay? You look pale!''

I scowled. ''You just jumped out to the ocean! '' I pointed at the slowly calming sea.

''What if they didn't catch you?! What if you fell and I can't find you?! You'll be shark bait right now!''

''But they did catch me!'' Gon replied, happily, _selfishly._

''I don't care about that! How reckless can you be?! If you—'' I trailed off when my eyes fell onto the young sailor he saved. He was running towards us. I pulled back.

''Katsuo-san!''

''Thank you, Gon! You saved my life!''

''I couldn't have done it, alone. I wouldn't have been able to do it without Kurapika and Leorio! ''

''It's nothing!'' Leorio said, laughing a little.

The sailor bowed again. ''Thank you very much!''

Oddly feeling left out, I crossed my arms.

''I'll be leaving to my station, now.''

''I apologize for my behaviour, Leorio-san.'' The blond-guy – Kurapika spoke. His voice was gentle and warm which surprised me a little. I know he looks like a girl but there was this air of distance and determination surrounding him. I am a little confused why I was expecting his voice to be colder.

 _Clan wiped out. Scarlet eyes…Sasuke Uchiha._ My own voice whispered in my head. The hairs on my arms stood and I felt my knees weaken.

Leorio- the black suit guy, rubbed his temple and laughed loudly. ''Mah! What's this?! We sound like strangers! Leorio's fine!'' He said.

Kurapika smiled prettily.

''I'm sorry too. '' added the older man. ''I was wrong. I take back everything I said.''

Then, both smiled at each other. _It's like watching a soap opera…_

My wandering thoughts were cut off when both turned to look down at me. I stiffened and unconsciously turned my body towards Gon. Their gazes lingered at my arms and by the looks of it, they noticed the straps around my thighs right away, too.

 _Yes, guys. I'm armed._

Kurapika smiled politely. ''Hello.''

Taking a deep breath, I uncrossed my hands with a small smile and bowed at him then to Leorio. ''Thank you both for saving my brother's reckless ass.'' I was really grateful, but for some reason, I feel too drained to act friendly.

Beside me, Gon jumped. ''Sis! Language!''

Leorio laughed. I blinked and my lips curled into a happy smile. He didn't seem bothered with my attitude. ''I like her already! Like I said, it was nothing! Wait… you're siblings, huh. What's your name?''

'' We're twins. I'm Gin. Gin Freecs.''

''Gin and Gon, huh?'' Leorio snorted and broke into a laughing fit. ''Well, that's just cute!'' His mouth quivered. ''Hmff! HAHAHAHAHA!''

I grimaced and looked down. _I know… Damn Ging, can't he think of a better name?_

''I'm sorry about him.'' My eyes snapped to the blonde guy. ''And you're welcome. Nice to meet you, Gin. My name is Kurapika.'' The blonde took a step forward.

''Yeah. Nice to meet you too.''

 _Blonde didn't even say anything against it. He probably thinks it's 'cute' too._

Gon took my hand and gave it a squeeze. I met his eyes and the little exasperation I felt melted away. I squeezed back and leaned in closer to him.

…

''…And who might you be, little girl?'' The captain appeared at the doorway, still clutching his liquor bottle like his faithful lover or first mate, whatever.

I bowed shallowly. ''I'm Gin Freecs. Nice to meet you.''

''Eh…'' I kept my face carefully innocent as the old man assessed me up and down. ''You're soaked with rain. Where h've you been?''

I looked up to the mast and then back to him. ''I've been resting, sir.''

Kurapika and Leorio shared a look.

The captain's eyebrow rose. He didn't miss my eyes. ''On top of the mast?''

''Yes sir.'' Gon shook my hand once. _Go on._ He silently said. ''It was too crowded inside and… the view was spectacular.''

I don't particularly like the glint in the man's brown eyes. He laughed at something funny.

Feeling brave, I asked. ''What's funny?''

He stopped laughing but the smirk on his face didn't leave.

''You four passed!'' I frowned in confusion, turning to Gon. _What have you been up to while I'm gone?_ But he was too busy beaming at the captain. I paused and watched his hazel eyes literally shine like gems.

''I will take responsibility taking you to the port closest to the exam site.'' The captain continued. He turned away, not after looking at me weirdly again.

''Really?! Yay!'' Gon jumped away from my arms.

Kurapika who had his arms crossed relaxed and smiled, while Leorio placed his hands in his pocket and smiled at himself too. I, on the other hand, sighed and looked away from my happy brother. _It seems like they had some sort of test. But he said, we four passed. So I must've passed whatever he's testing us on._ I froze. _Or did I pass because I'm Gon's sister?_

 _Whatever… As long as I passed, I guess._

I yawned and did some facial exercises while I looked out at the sky blue sea. I realised I didn't sleep the whole night and that meditation/ Nen practise tired me out.

 _If this continues, I'll have wrinkles by the time I turned 13._ I sighed and massaged my forehead. The adventure has just begun and I feel tired already.

How troublesome.

* * *

 _A little message from the author:_

 _Hello! It's me again! Hope you enjoyed this! Oh! And I keep forgetting to write that Hunter X Hunter is not mine but only the author's - Yoshihiro Togashi!_ _You know you're a fangirl when you even dream of Hunter X Hunter._

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	9. Chapter 8 - Tests and Tests

**Chapter 8 – Test X tests**

* * *

 _''_ _Or in Slytherin you'll make your real friends. Those cunning folk use any means to achieve their ends.'' ~ J.K Rowling_

* * *

After my brother's episode of heroism, Gon and I, Kurapika and Leorio stayed together. I sat on top of a crate that smelled strongly of coffee beans with Gon beside me. I've been sighing and sniffing its addicting aroma like a dog on cocaine since I first caught its scent.

Kurapika was sat on another crate, reading a book on _fucking_ Geometry _out of all things to read, seriously? How can he stay awake reading those?_ On the other hand, Leorio was reading his playboy magazine on the floor with his back leaning against the ship's edge.

The moment Kurapika took out his book, Leorio started rooting out for his. It resulted to Kurapika doing a double-take and Leorio glaring at the blonde as if challenging him to tell him off. Kurapika glanced at us, I shrugged, he sighed and that's that.

At a distance, a sailor shouted: '' _Shit!''_ , followed by a chorus of laughing. Gon stopped swinging his legs and turned towards the sound. I could just see in his eyes that he was curious as _Alice_ about the spectacle.

I looked down to my wet clothes then up to the watch-tower where the wind was stronger and the sun hotter. ''I need to go up there and dry.''

The three boys turned to me. I jumped down and nodded at Kurapika and Leorio. Gon followed down next.

''Want me to come with you?''

I searched his eyes. My poor brother who just can't stay still was itching to move. I smirked and drawled out ''Race you up there.''

I bolted off, easily climbing and jumping and grabbing my way up.

''—Gin!'' Gon laughed as he followed after me. Easily walking the thin beam holding up the sails, I tensed and propelled myself landing on the watch-tower's railing.

I closed my eyes and let my arms stretch and float up high above my head. I tilted my head back, my spine arched. I took a deep lungful of breath and rolled my neck and shoulders, realising how tensed they've been and still were.

 _The wind, he has hands and he caresses me like the most sensual, elusive and unfaithful lover._

 _…_ _Man, I'm such a poet._

The ship undulated with an unsung rhythm of the sea and in that moment, I felt everything. I felt the people on this ship milling about, working, laughing and talking. So full of life. I felt the ship as she floated her way through the waves, proud and strong. I heard how her engines worked together. I can sense the fish as they swam beside her giant, carefully distancing themselves from her propellers. And the scent… Down there, it was a mixture of goods, people and perfumes. Up here, it was like I was home again. Back in _Whale Island…_

Soon after, the wind changed yet again. _He_ brought me an array of scents, voices and sounds. We were close.

''…We're reaching port!''

I hesitantly opened my eyes and saw the blue sky, just as I imagined it in my mind's eye. From my peripheral, I spotted Gon at the same position as me. Hands up in the air and our back arching like a cat. He turned to me and we smiled at each other.

''Feel better?'' he asked.

''Yeah.'' I replied, rolling my shoulders back and forth. The ship moved and swam around first, looking for a spot to dock on. Gon and I were content on watching the people. My hand moved and touched his. He grabbed it.

I gripped his hands tighter as I tried to ignore the growing weight in my chest as new images assaulted my head. _Gon jumping to save the young sailor, the cold purple eyes of a white-haired kid, the hungry yellow eyes of Hisoka, floating scarlet eyes, dark eyes, dying eyes, dead eyes…_

Strong hands held my shoulders, keeping me steady when I nearly slipped. The ship shook and she finally docked. I heard Gon sigh. ''You're all dry now.''

I looked down and pirouetted weakly on my spot, the tails of my scarves fluttering in the wind. _I'm safe… We're safe…_

''Yes.''

''Gin?''

''Hmm…''

''We'll be okay.'' He told me softly and I almost believed him. I closed my eyes and willed my heart to stop beating so quickly. _I can't think like that Gon. I can't. I can't calm down…_ I felt Gon's hands turn me towards his chest. I leaned down and rested my head on his shoulder.

''There's only two people in this world, Gon.'' I whispered.

The phrase was oddly familiar like I've heard of it before but can't recall when or where. _Was it here or there? Now or before?_

I felt his hand on my back, drawing comforting overlapping circles. ''Us, and everyone else.'' He whispered.

I don't really know if Gon believed it. Gon was not like me. He belongs in this world. To him, going to the Hunter's exam and facing all the challenges we are going to face are… normal. He won't see the horrible things. Instead, he'll look at them and be amazed. That is, until he loses Kaito. He also cares a lot for other people. That's why they get attracted to him. Meanwhile, I care little about them as long as I'm safe and Gon's safe. Then, just then, will I worry about them.

* * *

The Captain walked us out of his ship. He was so weird because his eyes rarely stray from Gon and I. But then, he'll look away first when _our_ eyes meet. Every time he looks down at us, I could tell he knows something we don't. His eyes judged, criticised and calculated Gon's and certainly my moves. I don't know if Gon didn't notice or if he pointedly ignored this old man's staring.

 _Is this guy… perving on my brother?_

I narrowed my eyes at him. He looked down at me and then smiled forcedly at Gon. I pursed my lips. _Damn it. Is Gon that fucking irresistible?_ _Should I give him another spray?_

He told us (or mostly Gon) about going to that Cedar tree on top of the mountain. There, we will find the navigators who were meant to lead us to the examination site. Gon thanked the old captain happily and even shook his hands. My eyes had widened at this but calmed myself down. My brother was just being polite.

After saying our goodbyes, with Gon loudly shouting his goodbyes while I merely gave him a deep bow and a small ''Thank you for safely bringing us here,'' we left the Captain and met up with Kurapika and Leorio who were by the bus station looking at the city's map while they waited for us.

''That's strange, that tree is the exact opposite from where we're supposed to have the test at! You sure you didn't misheard him, Gon?!''

''Nope! The captain clearly said that there's a house by that tree.''

Leorio growled as he thought while Kurapika said something about the importance of gathering and keeping data for Hunters. I crossed my arms and tried to control my growing headache and the fact that a smelly old man was stalking us. He smelt like old puke and some men spray he used to cover up the smell. _Fool._ I'll be able to smell him from a mile.

I turned to stare off at the Cedar tree. It looks so far away, too. I massaged my temple. _Where had all my strength and bravado gone?_

''Here.'' I started when a cold drink was suddenly pressed against my other temple. I looked up and found Kurapika's gentle grey eyes staring back at me. I sighed and couldn't help but to close my eyes in relief.

''Thanks.''

''You're welcome.'' He looked like he wanted to say something more but stopped himself.

I offered him a small smile. ''I feel a little head ache. But I'll be fine. Come to think of it, I haven't drank anything since yesterday!'' His eyes widened. Again, he opened his mouth to say something, only to flinch when Leorio's loud mouth shouted at us, or me, specifically.

''WHAT?! You're dehydrated?! Little girl, why haven't you been drinking? Don't you know water is the most important? More important than food! Your body is 70% water, your brain is 75% water, and your blood is 80% water. The water you drink is used for your digestion, breathing, bone building, body temperature, and waste management and basically everything your body does! That's why you have to drink and replenish your body's water! ''

''Yes doctor.'' Leorio blushed and tried to cover it up with his sunglasses. ''I know. I know. I just forgot, I guess. Sorry.'' I opened the lid and drank about half of the water, then I handed it back to Kurapika.

''W-well… That's good, then.'' Leorio coughed and turned his red face away.

''Here. Have some too.'' Just as the blonde was about to shake his head, I pushed the bottle to his chest. ''Don't be such a girl. You'll need it.'' I said and turned away from him towards my brother. Gon was smiling at me proudly.

''Are you thirsty?'' I asked him, looking around for a vending machine or a small shop.

''No, I'm fine!'' He jumped and began skipping towards the tree. I followed ignoring Leorio's goodbyes. _He'll come with us._ I thought, ignoring the tiny voice that mocked me; _what if he doesn't? That'd mean you ruined the plot, didn't you?_

But Kurapika and Leorio followed and I smiled despite myself.

Soon after we walked a completely empty path, we entered this village that looked so full of things except for people. I tensed, itching to draw my twin knives just to make me feel a little better.

A crow cawed overhead.

''Man… this place looks abandoned!''

A gust of wind swept towards us, bringing scents of a group of people – ladies, from what I could tell from the strong mixing scents of talcum powder and flowery scented colognes. _Except of course, they were males who happened to like powder and flowers. I know a certain red-hair who loves flowers, roses in particular._

In a moment, an impromptu stage was built in front of us and an old woman plus some funny masked and cloaked figures lined up behind her, holding different types of instruments.

My eye twitched as someone sounded the cymbals and the woman welcomed us to her Two-answer quiz.

''Calm. There will be no fighting here, only of course if you wish to fight amongst yourselves.'' She pointedly looked at me. I looked behind and found Leorio and Kurapika staring at me with dumbfounded expressions.

''What?'' I drawled then re-sheathed my weapons and took steps back beside Gon. '' I was fully expecting an ambush there. Maybe it's too early.'' I laughed drily.

''Man…'' Leorio whistled. Kurapika smiled as he sighed, ever accepting. ''Remind me not to get you cross, Gin.'' Leorio said.

I grinned weakly and we all gave our attention to the old woman.

''You're mother and your lover have been kidnapped, you can only save one. Which one will you save? 1. Your mother, 2. Your lover.''

I closed my eyes tiredly. _Another test… Troublesome. What's supposed to be the answer to this? Because there's no right or wrong. Depending on the person whichever he loves more or hates less? If I were made to choose between Gon and Ging. I'll choose Gon in an instant, of course. But then, Gon will hate me for abandoning Ging. So, if I'm feeling kind that day, I'll save Ging too. What if it was Mito and Gon? Damn, that's tough. The answer will be that I'll stretch myself thin and die saving those two. In short, there's no answer to this question._

 _''_ _Sometimes, Silence is the best answer.''_

My breath stilled and I opened my eyes in realisation. I turned to Kurapika but he was too busy thinking.

From my peripheral, I caught the woman's stare. I turned to her. Again, I was accosted with seeing somebody else's eyes look back at me as if again, they know what I'm thinking and that they know something I don't. I opened my mouth to answer.''—''

''Don't dare answer! Your company should be able to come up with the correct answer as well or you all get disqualified.''

My jaw dropped. ''What?''

I flinched as Leorio exclaimed ''Whaat?!'' and shouted out just unfair it was.

''Leorio, please keep it down. My eardrums are close to bursting.'' I droned and massaged forehead. I smirked again, the action reminding me of Mito. _Now I know how she feels all the time._

''KEEP IT DOWN?! THIS OLD WOMAN! WHAT KIND OF—''

I turned my attention to the approaching man behind Leorio. It wasn't difficult to know he was coming. He dragged his feet lazily. _About time…_ I took note of the two swords strapped on his back. The stinky old fool told us to hurry or he'll have his question first.

Not really in a hurry, it was easy for all of us to agree and watched the man as he answered the question right away. Telling us something about, telling the old lady what she wanted to hear as if the said old lady wasn't right in front of him. _Stu-upid._

From his answer, I can judge that this man had never loved or cared for anyone so much before. I wondered where was his mother or if he had any friends. But thought that it was too pointless to think of such a thing. He probably thought himself smart but I could literally taste his wicked intent from where I was. If Gon just looked away from his deep thoughts, I'm sure he'll taste it too. He oozed something sinister. He left, waving goodbye at us as he continued his way towards the long empty road.

The old woman changed the question into choosing between 1, your son or 2, your daughter. At this, I found Kurapika asking me if I knew the answer silently with his eyes. His grey eyes softened when he saw what he wanted and relaxed a little. I sighed and let him calm our oldest friend down.

 _Leorio – volatile, short-tempered. Emission type Nen._

In the end, we passed with little spectacle caused by Leorio and Kurapika, of course. They're like water and fire and their interactions are almost funny.

I looked down at my brother who was still in deep thought. I crouched and watched his childish face as he frowned and chew on his lips. I wondered if he was choosing between Ging and me, or Mito and me. _Is he thinking of the same thing as I did? If yes, what's taking him so long?_

In the end, he sat himself on his bottom and sighed. He looked at me, eyes sad and frustrated. ''It's no use. I can't think of an answer at all!'' I smiled at his confused and lost expression.

''You're still thinking about that?!'' asked Leorio.

''The quiz is finished, Gon.'' Kurapika said with a patient smile.

''Yeah. But what if it really happened? What if I had to choose? What do I do then?'' My sweet, naïve big brother asked everyone and no one. It was a rhetorical question. One that had no solid answer. I ruffled Gon's spiky hair. Pieces of dried gel got stuck onto my hands.

''Sis!'' He whined and re-arranged his style.

''There… there…'' I patted his head. He slapped at my hands. ''Well done, Gon. You've been thinking very hard!'' I told him sweetly.

''H-hey! What's that supposed to mean!?'' He pouted.

Leorio, Kurapika and I laughed. The doors beside the stage opened and we faced a dark tunnel. I froze momentarily before I schooled my expression.

''The tunnel will bring you straight to the navigators' home in about two hours…'' The old woman said. There were 'thank yous' given and a heartfelt apologize from Leorio. I paused and listened in when I heard his voice, uncharacteristically serious and dare-I-say, manly. _He's handsome when he's quiet, I guess._

I bowed and then followed the guys. I heard the doors closed and it suddenly felt like walking in the middle of nothing with only that door of light as our goal. I blindly searched for anything else in our surroundings but nothing was there with us.

 _Remember_ _ **that**_ _void?_ I felt my breath hitched.

I fisted my hands and concentrated on the feeling of my nails digging into my palms. My thoughts going back and forth to the next card I haven't seen and will probably see next - a man watching in horror as his arms dissolve into red, pink and white petals, and that void – that floating mass of darkness where the souls of dead wait.

 _This Hunter's exam is just starting and it's already making me go crazy…What will happen to me when I face Hisoka, Chrollo and the rest of this world? Turn into a pile of bloody mush and goo?_

* * *

When we came out of the tunnel, we found ourselves in a middle of a forest. I shared a look with Gon and we grinned at each other. _Now this, this place is like our second home._ I looked around. They said the navigators live by the Cedar tree and they're the ones who will lead us to the exam's site. Either this is the exam site now, _or_ this is really just the navigators' home. If it was the first, then I'll have to get ready for an ambush. Why? Because that's like the main theme of a villainous exam – kill everyone until one was left standing… _I hope it was the second. I wonder if I can really commit suicide._

If this was really their home, then we'll just have to find them and ask them to lead us to the site. But then again, one does not do one a favour without something in return here. Like the captain and the old lady, they helped us after we've done some kind of test. Therefore, there will be a test.

''Beware of the magical beast.'' Leorio read from a sign. ''Magical Beast?! What the hell? Where are we? Old lady said we'll find the house in 2 hours! Well, it's been 2 hours 2 hours ago!''

''Shhh! Leorio! Didn't you understand the sign? Will you be quiet?!'' Kurapika whispered, exasperated.

…

''Oh! There it is!'' Gon pointed out a lone wooden cabin house underneath the said cedar tree and together, we climbed up the front steps. The forest seemed unnaturally still. I took a subtle sniff. As we neared the door, the scent of musk, fur and blood got stronger.

''Excuse me… Hello?'' Gon and Kurapika nodded at each other and opened the door. I stepped in behind Leorio, one of my throwing knives ready to be baptised.

The three boys froze and took a step back. Peering from Leorio's back, I tensed and prepared to throw a knife to the Magical Beasts head.

''There's a woman in its arms!'' Gon shouted. As if to brandish its prize, the beast showed a young brunette to us. She looked weakly at us. When she saw me with my knife, her eyes widened a little fraction before she was carried away by the Magical Beast.

''…My wife! P-please!'' Leorio leapt into action and took long steps towards the injured Navigator. He opened his suitcase and began addressing the man. Gon and Kurapika ran towards the window.

''Gon—'' but he was gone.

''Gin! Stay and protect them both! Leorio, we'll leave him to you! '' Kurapika shouted before he leapt out from the window and into the night.

''You're wife will be fine. Here, let me clean your wounds. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Are you injured anywhere else?''

The navigator shook his head no. ''My wife…my wife, please!''

''Calm down…I promise you, those two are amazing! They'll save your wife, no doubt! And Gin right here, she's awesome with her knives! I feel sorry for those beasts now.'' Leorio soothed the young husband then winked at me. I smirked at him and started throwing my knife up to the air then twirling them around and between my fingers.

Doing this was fun. But not as fun when I was practising them before. This was the reason why my fingers were full of cuts too, aside from callouses. You can't call yourself a knife-throwing expert if you can't do this simple trick after all.

Leorio paled, however, as we watched the knife warily. ''Gin…Stop showing off.''

I shrugged and placed the knife back to its sheath on my left leg. ''Do you need help?''

''Can you move that chair here so he can sit down while I bandage him up?''

''Okay.'' I sauntered towards the flipped chair while leering at the young red-eyed man. I watched as his Adam's apple undulated. I schooled my expression to a worried one when Leorio looked up. The navigator tensed.

Lifting up the chair easily, I placed it behind the young man. Leorio kindly helped the him to the chair. ''Can I have your arm? Please?'' Leorio wiped the dried blood and started bandaging up his patient's arm with such care. I watched as he did his job with a small comforting smile. Looking up to the guy then to his work. ''There you go.'' Leorio said then rummaged his suitcase. ''I have some calming medicine here. Gin, can you—GIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!''

''Oh, my hand suddenly felt the need to grab a knife and press it against this man's neck.''

''GIN?! Are you out of –''

''Leorio! You've bandaged his cut. Now, let me interview our _'victim'''_ When the older man didn't look convinced. I softened my expression. ''Please?'' Leorio looked away.

''P-please… w-what-'' said the young navigator.

''Shh!'' I pressed the blunt part of the knife deeper to his skin. Leorio flinched and stepped closer. ''Now… let me gather my thoughts… You were attacked by the beast?'' The man nodded, sweating now. I made a sympathetic face. ''Awh… that's sad.'' I said in an overly saccharine tone.

''Gin.'' I ignored Leorio's growling tone.

''Sorry… Well just wondering, why do you smell like her?''

''What?'' chorused the two.

''Well you see, Gon and I have a very good sense of smell.'' I breathed in his scent. ''Also, why does your wife seem a little bit comfy with that she-beast? Not to mention you don't look worried enough. After all, you're here sitting with your legs still intact while your 'wife' was kidnapped by a beast!'' If it was me, I'll be running to catch that beast already. It doesn't even matter if I can't find them by smell, sound or not. I'll be too desperate that I'll run after it. If not, a normal defenceless man will not be able to stop fidgeting in his seat or pacing the room.

'' It's either you don't love her enough to be brave, you're not really married _or_ you're not really in danger! After all, who will willingly live in a dangerous place like this if there wasn't anything big in it for them? Hm? And that wound seems fresh...How long have you been 'fighting' with her? Was she scared to hurt you so you did it yourself? Hm?''

His red-eyes flashed and narrowed. Then slowly, the man's face contorted into a foxy grin. I took out another knife in a flash and placed it against his other neck.

''Now Mr. Navigator, Do we pass or do I need to draw a little bit more blood?''

* * *

I crossed my arms and thought again maybe I went too far with my little devil act. But I must admit to myself that a part of me felt good doing it. Hear that little scream? Yes. That was my little guardian angel screaming. I ignored the fact that the red-eyed man's eyes kept wandering to me and the fact that Leorio can't look at me in the eye for more than three seconds. _He's acting like I killed someone!_

 _He probably doesn't expect you to be so Yandere._

''Kurapika-dono, you deduced that we are the Kiriko and that I'm not really married, showing that you are knowledgeable. You also showed excellent prowess in battle. For that, you pass.'' The blonde smiled and relaxed.

''Leorio- dono.'' Called the red-eyed man. ''You didn't really manage to discover the situation.'' Leorio whimpered. ''But.'' The navigator smiled warmly. ''You were able to bandage my wound quickly and efficiently. You also kept on assuring me that my wife will be fine. For that kindness, Leorio-dono, you passed.'' The old man looked surprised and with a huge sigh, he sat himself on the floor. I couldn't help but watch his expressions. He was like Gon in a way… His expressions flashing on his face for the world to see. They were the types of people who's not afraid and has nothing to hide.

''Gin-dono.'' I stiffened and turned to face the red-eyed man, keeping my best to even my breathing. _If he didn't pass me… What will I do? Will Gon leave me?_

''From the start, you knew about it, didn't you?'' To my surprise, the Kiriko daughter started.

''What?'' I dumbly turned to her.

The mother snorted. ''She did. I thought she'll knife me to the head the moment she saw me.''

Gon turned to me and I tried to smile. Kurapika was staring while Leorio kept looking at me and away.

''…But she didn't. '' continued the red-eyed son. ''She stopped and observed. You displayed very good intimidation tactics, Gin-dono.'' He smiled and rubbed at the tender skin of his neck where I had my knife pointed. ''For that, you passed.'' I blinked and took a shuddering breath. I nodded and looked away from their eyes to the floor.

''Gon-dono. You were able to recognise my husband and I by smell and hearing alone when it's been years after one has successfully done so. You also showed superhuman abilities and physical prowess whilst chasing us.'' The Kiriko beasts smiled warmly. '' You pass.'' They said.

Gon's eyes shone like crystals. He jumped. ''Yay!'' I couldn't help but smile too. _We'll still be together, after all._ When he stopped jumping and turned to me with a huge, excited smile. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. His face reddened slightly and his eyes darted behind us.

''S-sis! Not in public!'' He cried out, holding his cheek.

I closed my eyes as I heard our company laughing. ''Well done.'' I told him, voice soft and proud despite myself.

* * *

The feeling of flying didn't frighten me as much as I thought it would. Gon and I were carried off by the mother Kiriko, Kurapika with the father while the two Kiriko siblings carried Leorio.

By the morning, we arrived in the city where the exam was to be held. Gon goggled and checked out every stall we passed.

''Hey.'' A hand ruffled my hair. It was Leorio. He scratched his jaw and then looked around. ''You did well, last night. I didn't even think or noticed anything you did!'' He looked down at me then forcedly smiled. ''What I'm trying to say is… Sorry I… I didn't trust you and…''

I gave him a small smile as I watch him awkwardly think of the right words to say. ''You don't have to sugar-coat anything, Leorio. I can take anything.''

''Hahaha… Well, just didn't expect you to be so cool.''

I narrowed my eyes, pursed my lips and crossed my arms. ''What's that supposed to mean?''

He rested his arm on top of my head. I waved it away. ''Hey! Stop that!'' He chuckled. ''I guess I'm just unused to seeing little children like you be so strong.'' He patted my head like a good big brother. ''Well done.'' My heart warmed. I looked down to my shoes, trying to hide my trembling smile and the heat on my cheeks.

''…Here it is!''

We looked up to the big shining building in front of us in awe. Well, the three heroes did. I remember seeing more magnificent buildings than this. Like the Eiffel tower, London bridge…

''Ah… Actually, it's this building, guys.''

We turned and I smirked because I could literally feel their disappointment and even without looking, I could imagine their faces falling. _This building's more like it._

We entered a backroom after the navigator said the password. Gon, my ever so cute brother was disappointed when he learnt that we're not going to eat. To be honest, I was disappointed too. After all, we haven't eaten…

''GON!''

The four guys jumped. ''We haven't eaten yet!'' I started rummaging my backpack for the bento.

''Anyway… I wish you four good luck. Next year, I'd be happy to serve as your navigator again.'' I heard the young Kiriko say.

''Thank you!'' said Gon.

I took out our bento and two apples and replaced my bag again on my back again. I threw the apples to Kurapika and Leorio and started unwrapping the bento box.

''…You're really eating now?'' Leorio asked.

''Hm...'' I shoved an egg roll to my brother's mouth. ''We haven't eaten a meal since we left Gon.'' I darted to Kurapika and shoved another to his mouth. It nearly fell but he caught it. My lips twitched at his ungraceful move.

''Ooo-m.''

I waved the last egg roll up to Leorio. ''Here.'' I raised my eyebrow. ''You don't want?''

''Tche! You have it, chibi. You'll need it to grow taller.''

An eye twitched and I kicked at his shinbone. ''Ouch!''

''Ungrateful dog.'' I muttered.

''Oy! Little girl! Respect your Elders!''

I took the egg roll in my mouth and realised I was really hungry. I carefully chewed, savouring Mito's cooking. I scooped some rice and proffered the fork to Gon who looked like he was going to complain until I glared at him. ''I'll tell Mito you skipped your meals.''

''You skipped yours too!'' I shoved another spoonful of rice and sausage into his opened mouth.

Kurapika and Leorio finised eating their apples and the lunchbox was nearly finished by Gon and me when the elevator stopped after a _ding._ I quickly opened my backpack again. Kurapika kindly offered the empty lunchbox back to me, all wrapped in a plastic bag like before.

''Thanks.''

''Thank you, too. The egg roll was delicious.'' His grey eyes were very pretty. In fact, he is very pretty.

''Hm. Aunt Mito's a very good cook.''

''You grew up with her?''

I nodded and looked up to him suspiciously. ''Gon told you?''

He smiled, a little apologetic for some reason. ''Yes…he told us about… why you wanted to be hunters.''

''Ah. Of course.'' I didn't bother correcting him.

The door opened and we stepped into the real exam site. I checked out the mass of people in the dark room who were openly checking us out, too. I wonder briefly what they thought of me. _Leave it to my brother to be at the front of the group when Leorio's perfect for hiding!_

I searched and searched for the blue-eyed kid of my dreams (or visions) and of course, the red-haired paedophile I plan for Gon and I to avoid as much as possible. I glimpsed at this plump short guy who declared himself Tonpa and that this was his 33rd try. _That's not something to be proud of, stupid._

I looked at him up at down then to the group of guys who kept glancing at us with evil smiles on their faces. Something's wrong. _Is he trying to incorporate himself to our group since no one else will take him?_

I was cut off from my thoughts when there was suddenly a loud cry. I turned and saw exactly what I thought I'd see – a man watching in horror as his hands dissolve into red, pink and white fragments…

 _''Oh how strange! He doesn't have any arms! Just magic, ladies and gentlemen! My, my, you should apologize when you hit someone.''_ I felt his voice when he spoke. It was exactly how I expected it would be. He drawls as he speaks – calm and slick like a snake.

My mouth felt suddenly like sandpaper. ''Hisoka, number 44, the Magician. He was year last year, too. But he failed because he killed an examiner he didn't like.'' I turned to Tonpa and listened. He eagerly continued. ''The way the exams are, even the devil can pass.'' He said, gravely.

 _Devil. Devil. Beware… Gon!_ I froze as I heard Hisoka **moan** my brother's name in my own head. I leaned towards my brother. ''Keep the pepper spray on standby.'' I whispered, gripping his arm tight.

He frowned, tilting his head to the side like a lost puppy. ''Thought they're for paedophiles?'' He asked, worried.

''Paedophiles?'' Tonpa echoed. I glared at him. ''O-oy…I'm not…''

I bumped our forehead's together. ''I know what I SAID.'' I said and turned my back on them with Gon right behind me. I watched as Hisoka's red-hair weave through the crowd and disappear out of sight. He's probably hunting for unsuspecting cute and naïve little children already.

 _That paedophile…._

''Ah, anyway, I'll avoid that creep if I were you… A-ah! Before I leave, here… as token of our acquaintance.''

 _Abomination!_

''Ah! Tonpa-san! Thank you! And I feel really thirsty too!''

 _Devil's child!_

''Thank you.''

 _Cradle-robber!_

''Yah! Thanks, man.''

''Ah… Gin-san?''

I turned sharply. ''What?'' The older man hesitantly offered me a can of juice.

''Uh… Would you...''

I looked at the smiling _veteran_ who looks like he'd rather not give me one. But my throat was dry and I haven't drank anything after our lunch. _And Gon's drinking it so…_ I took the can and gave the poor guy a small bow. ''Thank you.'' I turned away and kept watch of any signs of a red-haired as I opened the can.

''Blehhhhh….'' I spat the horrid thing out while my brother let it flow out of his mouth. 'What the _fuck_?! That tasted like _fucking_ piss!''

''Tonpa-san! I think the juice is expired!'' Gon said at the same time. Then, he turned to me. ''Sis!'' Gon wiped his mouth. ''Language!''

Kurapika calmly threw the contents of the can whilst Leorio spat the juice out of his mouth. ''Chibi! Respect your Elders!''

Tonpa started to sweat heavily and his fingers fidgeted. _He was planning something…_ I thought. _This guy was trying to poison us! What the fuck? Why didn't I notice it?!_

''Ahhh… Is that so? I-I didn't notice.'' He said. His eyes darting everywhere but me.

''That's okay, Tonpa-san. My sister and I have sampled different mountain herbs and grasses from home. That's why, we can tell when something is bad. How about you, Tonpa-san? Is your stomach okay?''

 _Yeah. Want me to put a hole in it?_ I thought.

The stinky old fat guy shakily excused himself after he assured my brother he was okay. I watched him fiddle around and left, eager to join the crowd to hide from us. I shook my head. I can't believe I let my guard down there. _What if I drank some of it, or even worse, what if Gon did?_ I brought mostly pain killers, antibiotics, anti-inflammation tablets and herbs with me. I brought only two antidotes for cyanide and atropine and a bottle of anti-venom, courtesy of Shumira-sensei (I shamelessly stole them). The moment we get hit by a poison we don't know, we're dead.

''Ah… Excuse me!'' I turned and scowled at no one. Someone coughed. I looked down and found a small green-bean looking up to me with a white tag in his hand. ''Number 405, please place it somewhere visible and don't lose it! The exam shall begin at any moment.''

I looked at Gon and found him grinning at me with number 406 on his green jacket. I smiled back and pinned mine on my pretty brown scarf. I twirled, giggling when Gon clapped his hands. ''You look pretty, Gin!''

''Why… Thank you! You look very handsome, Gon.''

He gave me a thumbs-up and I wrapped my arms around his. He placed his hand on top of mine with a smile.

 _WHACK!_ We turned all to Leorio who has a red mark on his cheek about the size of his own hand. I turned to Kurapika who calmly shrugged.

''Don't mind me… I think I might need to stop reading so much….'' He muttered to himself. I rolled my eyes.

A bell rang and slowly the wall right in front started moving up. '' I apologize for the wait. The Hunter's exam shall be starting. Those who wish to back out, please do so now.'' No one moved. ''Alright. Welcome. The first phase of the exam is now starting, please follow me.''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Uh.. Wow! Longest chapter now? What do you think? Anyway, someone's a little possessive! Haha. Okay, first, I need to apologize to Mel-san who was actually my first reviewer! For some reason, I didn't see your review until like, just now! Thanks for reviewing! Keep on reading! Second, thanks to animagirl! HEY! I actually added that part you suggested about keeping the pepper spray on standby! ahaha that was funny! I'm glad you like it. Keep on reading and tell me what you think! Thirdly, I'm NOT very clear with the romance bit yet. So, I actually don't know who'll suit Gin more. I mean, she's a bit weird (but she doesn't know that), possessive (she doesn't know that too), and holds grudges like nobody's business (she won't admit this). So... I really really want to hear about who you think will suit her character more! Do tell?_

 _Hunter X Hunter is not mine!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	10. Chapter 9 - Hope and ambitions

**Chapter 9 – Hope and ambition**

* * *

 _''_ _Or yet, in wise old Ravenclaw_

 _If you've a ready mind,_

 _Where those of wit and learning,_

 _Will always find their kind.'' ~ J.K Rowling_

* * *

I, Gin Freecs, secret reincarnated soul, future full-time cosplayer, is the cleverest person in the world. Ha! Those endurance tests I did since I was six and these _muscled_ thighs are now paying off! I stayed behind Gon the whole way, always on the lookout for Hisoka. _Just thinking of him is giving me the creeps…_

Satotz, the first phase examiner had very long legs and a face with no mouth. It made me wonder if he wears a skin face mask to hide his mouth or something.

 _But why would he hide them? Does he have buck-teeth? Extreme pouty lips? Ooh… a secret mouth and tongue weapon!_ _Hmm… Kinky._

I glanced at Leorio who was running ahead of us but now getting slower and slower at each second. His breathing was much laboured and he was already sweating heavily. He also haven't drank anything else since we met the navigators. He won't last longer. _But I don't have anything in my bag to make him feel better…_

''Aha!'' Clicking my fingers, I removed my backpack and strapped them in front of me. I unzipped it and rooted for the small packet. I scowled. _Where the hell is it?!_

''…Gin?''

''Shut it. I'm looking for something Gon.''

''Ah… Okay.''

In front, Leorio started shouting at some kid, who was apparently cheating. There was a flash of silver and I looked up. Oh, it was Gon's future best friend riding his skateboard! I swept my eyes down and pointedly stared at his skateboard for a bit longer. _No weapons._

I looked down to my brown backpack and checked one of the outer pockets. I checked the others too then sighed when I found no sight of it. I sniffed around my bag, hoping to catch a whiff of it.

''It's not! The examiner said to follow him. He didn't really say anything about how.'' My brother announced frankly. I nodded then flinched as my sensitive ears got abused by Leorio's resounding shout. ''Whose side are you on, Gon!''

I continued scouring my bag madly. '' I just know I'd put it here somewhere…'' I muttered to myself. People, including us, started to get past Leorio who's now traipsing, arms limp and heavy and knees trembling.

Suddenly the white-haired kid was beside me with a skateboard tucked in his arm. He leaned in, smelling like sweet chocolates. ''You're a girl.''

''Very well spotted.'' I said, the reply sounding just right for the situation _._

Our eyes met – hazel vs. blue. Up close, he looks really cute. _Ha-ha, can't believe I called this assassin kid cute. He was probably killing people before he can say 'resuscitate'_.

''What, kid?'' I raised an eyebrow at him. When he didn't answer, I resumed my search, pursing my lips as I thought. _I've searched every corner but still no sign of it._

''You're a kid, too.''

I clicked my tongue. ''I'm older than you by heart and by soul.'' I told him, most solemnly and most truthfully. He made a face.

''We're twelve!'' Gon said brightly from beside me. ''Sis, seriously what are you looking for?''

''I'm searching for those mint candies! You know, the one granny gave me for the ship?''

He tilted his head to the side and blinked owlishly. Of course, the boy was too excited to leave that morning! ''I can't believe I can't remember where've I put it!'' I groaned.

'' Hmm…Have you checked your pocket?'' asked Gon, head to the side, looking so cute and innocent.

My pace faltered. In a flash, I zipped up my backpack and replaced them to my back. I then felt my pockets. ''Oh…ha-ha-ha!'' I pulled out a bag of circular mint candies. I stretched the bag open. I picked one up and pushed it to Gon's lips. He yelped after a second, tears forming in his eyes. ''Thanks, Gon.''

''Spishy!''

Then, I turned to the silver-haired kid whose name I really need to ask. '' Here.'' I offered him one. He took it into his palm and then scrutinised it for a second before shrugging and popping the candy into his mouth.

I jogged backwards and shoved an exhausted Leorio to the side by the shoulder playfully. I reached out and stopped him from falling down. Poor old man looked even skinnier after 4 hours of endurance plus mental fortitude test. And he was still trying so hard. He didn't even shout at me for pushing him. His hand dropped his suitcase – the one he filled with cheap medicines and bandages, and his magazines too. But he kept on going like he was trudging underwater.

I carefully picked two mints and bit into them a little bit then pushed the candies into his parted mouth. His eyes were half-lidded when he turned to gaze at me. I smiled and watched as his face slowly filled with colour. I pulled up a tail of my long scarf to wipe off his sweat.

''Just imagine an extremely hot blonde woman with huge heaving boobs and shining ass at the finish line, Leorio. Imagine a bunch of them begging for you, the doctor, to check them out. '' Popping a candy into my mouth, I pocketed the rest of my packet and jogged away.

''He's coming. '' I told Gon, who stopped and was looking expectantly at Leorio. I stared curiously at him, wondering what the hell he was thinking about now.

 ** _''_** ** _Damn it! Damn it all! I won't fail! I'll have that money! Wait for me!''_** Gon's face lifted up to a bright happy grin that can only belong to a child. Leorio rushed past us, leaving behind his scent and cheap men's cologne. Brandishing his fishing rod, Gon expertly hooked Leorio's suitcase and pulled it into his hand. The white-haired kid beside him exclaimed in awe. They exchanged a pleasant trade of letting their toys to each other.

 _Okay. I need to ignore the unintended sex pun there._

I let the boys talk and mainly kept to myself. I thought of Killua (I've heard his name was from my brother's lips). All I know about him from my visions is that he is a transmutation type Nen user but this is a spoiler he can't know yet. He's from a family of assassins – the Zoldyk. His brother is obsess with needles and has the creepiest eyes ever. He hangs out with Hisoka.

 _Surprise_! _1 weirdo + 1 weirdo = 2 weirdoes!_

''My dad's a hunter. So I want to be a hunter just like him!'' I closed my eyes and tried to fight off the sudden throb in my head. _I think I'm getting dehydrated again._

''Hmm… what type?'' Killua curiously asked.

''I don't know!''

''Wait, what? You want to be just like you're dad but you've no idea what type of hunter he is?''

''Yup! Our father left us when we were really young to be a hunter! So, I want to be a hunter so I can know why my dad chose it over raising us!'' Sweet Gon, my sweet big brother made it sound so good when he says it. If I ever repeat that sentence, it would sound completely different. Sort of like this;

 _Fucking Ging, It's his fault my brother's going through this exam with a sweet happy smile on his face. Bastard left us when we were really young... 'Forgive me', my ass! I want to be a hunter so I can bash his head to the floor then give him a fucking silent treatment. How dare he choose his job over his own kids? How can he stand himself? Didn't they teach him the importance of safe sex?! Or were his sperm super hunters too?!_

 _And this running, what happens after it? Are they trying to tire us out before they have us kill each other? This assassin kid is so close to my brother now. But depending if he warms up to Gon (which I know he will, like… in a second or so, I mean, who wouldn't melt at the sight of my brother's smile?! MAYBE THAT'S THE REASON WHY PAEDOS KEEP PERVING ON HIM! GOD! WHY DID I REALISE THIS JUST NOW?). In short, Killua will probably just kill everyone else just for fun then back out. So, the main problem is Hisoka and… that green thing running not far from him. Because a guy, with face like that means DANGER. They probably know each other. Because you know what they say, birds of the same feathers makes a good feather duster._

I re-instated myself beside my brother, completely blocking his sweetness in case Hisoka, the pervert sniffs them out. The two boys turned to look at me. ''What?''

Gon smiled. Killua blinked at me as innocent as a stray cat (until you see that cat feasting on a rabbit or squirrel). ''We're having a race to the finish line.'' He informed, blue eyes examining every detail on my face.

He didn't look down to check out my cool outfit. I have a feeling he has already measured up my strength when I was too busy looking for my mint candies.

 _I wonder what he thought of me. There's better be a cute there somewhere. But I'd settle with pretty and beautiful too._

''Wanna join, sis?'' Gon asked nicely. I looked at Killua whose face was that of interest. There was a spark in his eyes but also a hint of judgement. Okay, maybe a lot of judgement there. _Boy doesn't expect me to keep up._ I couldn't help but glare at his stupid catfish-face.

''Fine. What do I get when I'm winner?''

'' _IF_ you're winner.'' Killua replied, drily.

''The winner…'' Gon trailed off as he thought, completely ignoring the atmosphere. _Slave for a week! Or human chair for a week! Yes!_ '' … gets to buy dinner!'' Gon said.

I blinked, a little disappointed. ''Fine…'' I crossed my arms. '' _Can't believe I'm playing with kids_ …'' I muttered the last part to myself.

''Tche. You do realise you're a kid right? We're the same age.'' said someone. I pointedly looked away.

 _That's what you all think. Kids, just be happy I'm not a paedophile. I'm like, Hisoka's secret dream!_

''He-he, Gin doesn't play much with other kids.'' Gon informed.

I felt Killua's gaze on me. ''Gin? Pfft. Your name's Gon,'' He pointed at Gon. ''and your sister's _Gin_? Well… That's cute… Pfft!'' The silver-haired kid cackled, slapping his thigh continuously and clutching his stomach. I fought to urge to slap the catfish out of him.

Instead, I rolled my eyes and cursed Ging to infinity. _I hope he slips on a banana peel every 3 seconds for the next 24 hours, wherever he is._ I smirked at the funny image in my head. _Ha! Take that you baby-deserter!_

''Yosh! Shall we start?'' I sighed. The two boys literally oozed that competition. _Why do I know so many people like this? They beam at every challenge! They don't just sit down! Can't they relax or something?_

''1, 2, 3!'' The boys increased their pace. I followed after a moment, a lot glad to the added distance between Hisoka and my brother. While we ran at a steady pace, I let my thoughts wander. The first thing that my mind has flown to, was most predictably, home.

''Gon!''

The two boys turned sharply to me. ''What, sis?''

''Did you leave foxy some berries and grubs?''

''Foxy?''

Gon sighed and nodded his head. ''He knows how to hunt, sis. He'll be fine.'' He turned to his new friend. ''He's our friend from home.''

Killua scowled like someone just told him that his mother was actually a man. ''Your sister's Gin and your friend is called Foxy?'' I raised an eyebrow and regarded him coolly.

''Foxy's a fox-bear, Killua. Don't be silly.''

I nodded, agreeing with Gon. I felt a little guilty when I imagined our big friend glancing behind his shoulder time after time to check for our presence. I covered my mouth, horrified. What if he goes to our house and check! Mito's gonna _freec!_

I giggled. _No wonder Mito freecs out all the time!_

''… You're sister's crazy.''

''What? Of course not! She just does this sometimes!''

''…''

''That's okay, my family's crazy, too.''

''Gin's not crazy! Right sis?'' I turned to them, eyes bright with mirth. I waved my hand at them and focused on ahead. I saw from the corner of my eyes that Killua gravely shook his head. _Whatever, boys. I'm busy freecing out here… Pfft._

Then, the humour left me when I saw an endless amount of steps and the fact that the white-haired, mouthless examiner seemed to have gone faster. From what I could hear, many applicants don't seem happy about this. Bit by bit, there were more people dropping out. Some of them were even crying while they tried to desperately catch their breath. To be honest, I think this was for their own good. If they continue like this, they will most definitely lose more.

I looked down at my young body and wondered how much did Ging's genes caused my endurance and how much came from my own.

I felt my happiness dimmed like there was a dementor nearby. I estimate that we've covered about 80km of running already. _How much more are they going to push us?_ _What's after this? A full-out battle? A survival challenge?_

' _'_ _Expecto Patronum_ …'' I mumbled to myself and I giggled, full of energy again as I bypassed a passed-out applicant, my twin scarves trailing behind me. Several applicants glanced over their shoulders warily.

 _Alright, I'm gonna dress up as Professor McGonagall after the exam! Oh my! I can't wait!_

Behind me, Killua patted my brother's shoulder.

* * *

My nose took me out of my day-dream (about my new wizard outfit) when it sniffed out a whisper of fresh air and sent the information to my brain. My brain said, ' _Yeehaw! We're nearly out'_ in an overly exaggerated Texan accent. And I was like, _'Oh man! Time to get serious again!'_

The boy picked up their pace and so I did too. I was determined to win because the pride of all women rests on my shouders. My heart thudded in anticipation as we approached the bright end. Satotz stopped at the last step and just as he was twisting to turn, with added boost of speed, Gon, Killua and I leaped out, shouting: ''GOAL!''

''HA! I won! Buy me dinner.'' I twirled and smirked at the boys.

Killua crossed his arms and shook his head. ''Uh-uh! _I_ won! You two owe me dinner!'' He pointed at us.

Gon shook his head, looking completely adorable as a puppy. ''Nope. Nope! I think _I_ won!'' But I had to steel myself for the sake of girl power.

''Hmph. As if, Gon. You're 10 years too early to defeat me. I wasn't even sweating!'' This is a lie. My armpits are actually wet.

''Me neither.'' Said Killua.

''And me!'' _Oh, sweet brother is lying too!_

I turned my nose up, completely into the growing argument. ' _'Kids_. I'm not even out of breath! Therefore, I win.'' I told them, as a matter-of-factly.

Killua's eyes narrowed a little and looked at me up and down. I smirked at him and brushed imaginary dirt on my shoulder.

''Mr. Satotz! Who do you think finished first?'' Sweet Gon turned and asked the examiner innocently. _He really needs to learn how to rephrase questions._ I crossed my arms and watched him watch us. I eagerly waited for him to talk.

''I believe you three arrived at the same time.'' I rolled my eyes. ''But if you should ask who finished last, then it should be Number 405.'' I smirked at the two boys – number 99 and 406…I looked down in disbelief. I turned and narrowed my eyes again at the tall examiner.

''What do you mean? I arrived exactly the same time as them.''

''Indeed. However, your clothes trailed off behind, your scarves, to be specific.'' The no-mouthed man replied, nonchalantly. '' But yes, you all stepped out at the same time.'' I scowled at his back and imagined myself jumping and throttling him from behind.

My eye twitched and my fingers itched. _This guy… Did I do him something wrong? All I did was think that he might have…_ I eyed the examiner warily and took a few steps back. _Can he read minds?_

Someone, of course, that catfish, chortled. ''I guess, you buy us dinner, then.'' He spoke, voice low and treacherous. His eyes also darkened a little, resembling that face I saw from my imaginary cards. _Come to think of it, I haven't thought of a name for them. Calling them Imagination cards are so lame! Hm… Cards of doom? No. See cards? Hmm…No. future cards? Gin cards? Hunter cards? X cards?_ I nodded, satisfied at the moment.

''Oy! Are you listening, airhead!?''

My eyes refocused to Killua, then to Gon. I looked around me for Leorio...

''Yes. You! Seriously Gon, is she always like this?''

I placed my hands on my hips, watching my brother sweat and fidget. ''K-kilua! Of course not! Gin, she… Well, she…'' I narrowed my eyes, not liking where this was going.

''Fine! I'll buy you two dinner! But nothing above 30 Jennies!'' At this, Gon smiled and nodded, bouncing on his feet. On the other hand, Killua made a disbelieving face.

''What?! What kind of dinner is 30 Jennies?!''

I turned away, hands crossed. ''We agreed that the lo—that the one who-… Wait. My scarf has not a part in this! We got out at the same time!''

Catfish smirked. ''Never-mind that. The examiner spoke for himself and clearly, so clearly emphasize that you, yes, you LOST. L-O-S-T - lost!''

''I did not!''

''LOSER!'' He, so childishly, pointed at me.

''You are so childish. I can't believe I'm talking to you.'' I scanned the surroundings for a sign of blond head. I figured I require a dose of logic from Kurapika. Unfortunately, I saw red. He was alone, smiling like a snake in a flock of chickens and a group of 5 rabbits (the cute rabbits namely me, Gon, Kurapika, Leorio and Killua). I sharply turned back to Killua.

''Fine, _Kid._ I'll buy dinner as long as you keep quiet.'' Killua opened his mouth. Before I knew it, we were in a small circle. I continued in a more serious tone. ''Shh! Most of the applicants who survived that run are here now. We need to get serious, again. You don't know who are watching.'' At this, his blue eyes seem to darken. He nodded once and we separated in a state of détente

I stepped beside my brother with a small smile and caught his arm around mine. _I need to hide this boy or else…_ I leaned my suddenly aching head to his shoulder. For some evil reason, I can hear Hisoka's voice in my head, moaning and hungry for _Gon._ I shivered and held my brother closer. _Fuck you, paedophile. I'll fucking drag you to hell before I even let you molest my brother!_

I need to hide my brother from him. That is my main priority. But how? This boy literally shines like a beacon. Hisoka will, no doubt, sniff him out sooner or later. I thought of how I could keep him off Hisoka's paedo-radar. _Should I dress up like Gon and pretend to be a pubescent boy?_ I shivered and rubbed my forehead against my brother's shirt. _God! Just thinking of him is so disgusting!_

''…Gin?'' I hummed. ''You okay?'' I nodded. ''Want me to carry you?'' I thought about it but shook my head no. I took note of our new surroundings from above Gon's shoulder. It was a vast land, full of mystery and wild. I tilted my face up and sniffed the air. The air was cold and wet. There was a lot of fog, reducing visibility. If the air was wet, the land must be wet, too. And muddy. It will be difficult to run and see any traps laid out to kill us.

 _My boots will suffer here and die._

''Hey! Kurapika! Leorio!'' Gon waved. I grinned when I saw them.

Leorio shot me a look before I can comment. ''Don't even start, shorty.''

Kurapika's grey eyes flashed in warning but he was smiling down at me with relief clear in his eyes. I raised my free hand. ''I wasn't even gonna say anything!'' I turned to my smiling twin brother and muffled my laugh.

''Yeah, right.'' said Leorio.

''Kurapika… this is Killua. Killua, this is Kurapika!'' introduced Gon.

''Hello.''

''…Numere Wetlands, also called the Swindlers swamp!'' Announced the examiner. I scanned our surroundings and did a rough count of the applicants. Probably 300 or less. ''This ecosystem is home to many deceitful creatures that will do anything and everything to fool you and have you as their meal. Hence, the name Swindler's swamp. I advise that you do not stray from me. We shall cross this harsh biome to reach the second part of the exam.''

Many applicants looked warily around. I watched Hisoka and a few handful of applicants (ie. Green thing) who remained cool as a cucumber.

''S-stop! Don't listen to him!'' We all turned to see a miserable-looking man who wore a bandana around his neck, a purple sweatshirt and a pair of mediocre trousers. Gon and I shared a look – him confused and I, well, maybe just a tiny bit. Just then, told us _he_ was the real examiner. He pulled a dead monkey whose face was a contorted version of Satotz-san. I immediately felt a little bad for the poor proctor. I mean, this monkey just did a sorry copy of his face. I would be very offended if it was me.

Many fools, including the bald man who was dressed really strangely, actually believed the real imposter. Weren't they listening to him when he said why the place was called Swindler's swamp? I rolled my eyes up to Leorio as he started getting his nerves fired up again. I fiddled with my fingers against Gon's arm and waited for the commotion to stop.

There was snap of cards and I stiffened when I felt _Nen._

Satotz easily caught the cards between his fingers whilst the imposter dropped dead on the floor.

'' _I see. I see. So, you are the real one''_ drawled Hisoka. '' _Examiners have the titles that we seek - Hunters. That's why, an examiner should be able to deflect that kind of attack. I see.''_

''So, he's _the_ real one!'' _Obviously._

Satotz threw the cards and they fluttered like harmless leaves to the floor. The air was tense between him and Hisoka. ''Indeed. I advise that you do not attack your examiner again. Should you do so, then you will disqualified.''

I glanced at the corpse with the cards still sticking up his body like they were knives. Hisoka used Nen to change the properties of those cards to make them sharp like knives. One by one and two by two, vultures flew down and picked at the body with their beaks.

''Man… Nature sure is brutal, sometimes.''Leorio said to no one in particular but himself.

''It's always been brutal, Leorio.''

* * *

Wetlands are now my most hated places in the world. With every squelch, I try not to think much about my _new_ combat boots. Not only is the place becoming foggier in every tick of the clock, but my dress is continuously getting abused by splashes of mud from my every step and also by Gon's and Killua's who were running on my right and left. Also, I have a feeling the silver-haired kid was doing it now on purpose.

''Your fangs are showing, crazy-Gin.''

''Shut up, you fucker. You don't know how to insult properly.''

''Sis! Language!''

''Fucker? Man! You've got a dirty-mouth.'' I yelped as Killua kicked at his feet and expertly caused a splat of wet and slimy mud straight to my unsuspecting mouth. ''There. Dirt suits you well, _fucker_. '' I wiped at my face vigorously using my scarf. My inner clean-freak was screaming, throwing _what ifs_ at me, while my growing murderous side was chanting and itching for revenge.

I continued rubbing at my lips until it felt absolutely raw. ''Gin… Stop now, it's gone.'' Gon said softly.

My voice wavered and my eyes teared up. ''G-gon… what if there was something microscopic in there. I…I think I got some in my mouth.'' My voice weakened to a whisper. Gon's eyes found Killua's and I inwardly smirked. Careful hands stopped my hands from rubbing at my lips further. Gon turned my head towards him. He opened his mouth and I copied him. He smiled.

'' Nothing there, sis.''

''I-I think I swallowed it.''

''Oh come on! Stop you're acting! Gon! She's obviously faking it!''

''I'm not! I really really swallowed some!'' I told him, my voice trembling. I slipped a stray hair behind my ear and licked my lips. I made a face. It tasted horrible.

''Fuck off! I was watching you! You got none! Gon! Don't listen to this manipulative, conniving bitch!''

I turned to Gon and clutched at his arm. ''Gon! He called me a bitch!'' Gon's eyes softened and smiled at me, comfortingly. He addressed Killua behind me, frowning a little. ''Killua. Language, please.''

 _Ha! Take that! Ha! Blood before bud! This manipulative, conniving bitch is his sister!_

Killua pouted in silence. Our eyes met and I smirked at him. He bared his complete set of white teeth at me and then picked up his pace, determined to splash mud towards me. I kept up to avoid them.

'' _You are so childish! Stop it!''_ I whispered.

'' _Speak for yourself, bitch.''_ He whispered back, as venomously as I did.

There was a wave of malice. He and I looked at each other, suddenly tensed. Without a word, I jogged closer to Gon. For some reason, he kept ending up a little far away from me. ''Gon. Let's pick up our pace faster to not lose the front group.'' Gon nodded.

''Kurapika! Leorio! We're going to run faster towards the front!''

My jaw dropped open and I felt and looked around. To my left, I found Killua doing the same thing. Our eyes ended up landing on each other. He looked away, crossing his arms.

''Alright! Gon! Go ahead! We'll see you at the finish line!'' Faintly but surely, Kurapika's voice sang out.

A little surprise, I found myself missing the blonde. Compared to this silver-haired kid, Kurapika was the perfect balm for headaches, like the cup of tea in the middle of winter or the book in the middle of a boring date.

As we ran faster, I found myself growing more and more anxious. Visibility was near naught due to the fog and although, I can hear running footsteps, I cannot trust them. _Swindler's swamp._

I tried to make out our surroundings, looking for any sign of Hisoka. I shivered, remembering how I caught a feel of his blood-lust. It licked coldly at my back and caused my arm-hairs, even the ones covered by my bandages, to freeze up.

The dead man-faced ape we saw a while ago flashed in my head, specifically the moment where Hisoka's cards pierce the animal.

 _I can't fight that. There's naught chance of my winning. About 60% chance running. But if he really wanted me dead… No! I can't die! If I die… Gon will… Gon will…_

 _He will go on. He will cry, yes. He will be heart-broken, yes. But he will move on. Between the two of you, you need him more. He belongs… you don't._

I shook my head sharply and squinted my eyes through the fog. The headache was back again. I saw a dark line mark as we passed it. _Oh, shit._ I immediately thought. Next thing I know, the green patch of land on our feet moved down and with one last look at the blurry sky, my head gave one last throb and then I was covered in darkness before I could look at my brother.

 _Not Again._

* * *

 _Author's note!_

 _AmericNidiot - Hello! Thanks for pointing out my error! Killua's eyes are blue! About the quote, I don't really know! I think I heard it somewhere else? From a film about this playboy who died and he was slowly shown to the many girls he slept with? I think he said that quote to his best friend. But come to think of it, Gin and Gon give out the Hitaiichin twins feeling. Hahaha! And yes! That's Kurama! Kudos to you for noticing and pointing it out! Hahaha_

 _Animagirl - Hey! Thanks for the suggestion! Well, we'll see how she and Killua and the others interact then! I'm just going with the flow and let Gin react. I actually enjoy seeing her yandere side too. And you're right! She does get a little crazy without Gon, doesn't she? Hmm..._

 _Every shadow has its twin - Love your username! Thanks so much for the advise! I am so glad that you like her! Awh! Like I said, I don't know for sure who she'll end up with! And I have an idea about her Nen powers now but that's a secret!_

 _Dear readers,_

 _Thanks so much for reading and following and favourite-ing my story! You don't know how happy they make me! So! Killua and Gin has met! Gin's always on the lookout for Hisoka and our girl's a little bit of an airhead according to Killua. (She does get lost a lot in her own head)._

 _Tell me what you think of this chapter!_ _And remember! Tell me if she gets a little Mary-Sue._

 _I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Hunter X Hunter is not mine!_

 _P.S - If Gin's going to get sorted by the Sorting Hat, which house do you think she'll end up in? How about Gon, Killua, Kurapika and Leorio? How about you? I want to be in Slytherin but then, there's Ravenclaw. ._

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	11. Chapter 10 - Into the Shadows

**Chapter 10 – Into the Shadows**

 _''_ _Madness is to think of too many things in succession, too fast, or of one thing too exclusively'' ~ Voltaire_

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I was back home in _Whale Island._ I took a deep breath of fresh air, unpolluted, clean and calm. I laid on top of our red-shingled roof, content on watching the clouds swim in the blue heavens. It reminded me of Killua –with his blue eyes and silver hair, I think that makes him the sky. But if he was the sky, then Gon must be the earth with his hazel brown eyes, dark hair and green clothes. Then, Kurapika will be the sun with his bright yellow hair and or will he be the moon because of his grey eyes? Yes, he must the moon – serene and ever-changing especially when he's angry and the stars shall be his lost clan. Then what is Leorio? Oh, he must be sun with that fiery temper of his and that warmth, life and hope.

I wonder what I would be if I wasn't Gin?

I closed my eyes again and listened to the island's soft waves. It was too troublesome to think about that. I was home back in Whale Island. Later, I will go to the woods, practise my knife-throwing and then play with Foxy. Oh, how I miss riding on his back. It is always so much fun. Not to mention, at age 7 years old, Foxy's back has grown so broad that I could lie on him. Maybe I'll wrestle with him today and force him to bathe in the lake. I'm sure Gon will love to come with me.

I took another deep breath. When I opened my eyes again, I jerked up. My head swirled. There was nothing but darkness. I abruptly stood up on my two feet and tried to feel and see my surroundings. I didn't know how long I stood there until I heard someone giggling.

I walked onwards nervously. As I looked closer to where the sounds were coming from, moving figures started to form.

 _''_ _Gin! Gon! Where are you!?''_ I tensed up. I know that voice. Ging's tall figure emerged out of the shadows. He was wearing a pair of old blue pyjama pants and a brown T-shirt. His hair, as always, was a mess.

'' _Gin? Oh, you're not here?''_ There was another giggle – this one from a different child. '' _I wonder…''_ Ging swayed and danced on his feet. ''… _if my twins are here…Ha! GON!''_ Gon jumped out from the dark, hands up high and forming claws.

' _Rawr!'_ Ging raised his hand above his face.

' _Oh no! Save me!'_ He shouted as Gon 'attacked' him.

' _Fin' me, Da-ddy!'' A girl shouted._

I watched as Ging's smile widened, eyes looking at the little girl's feet visible from the dark curtains. Carefully, he brought a young Gon down and placed a finger against his lips.

'' _Oh Gin!''_ Ging sang. '' _Oh Gin!''_ Gon copied.

The shadows dissolved before they found the little girl.

* * *

After the little reminiscent stage play, I aimlessly walked in the dark. This was my only comfort –at least I was able to move. But there was nothing else. Like in that void, my senses saw, smelled, heard, felt and tasted nothing. A whisper of air came and I turned my head towards it. As in a cue, the dark shadows all around me spiralled and the next thing I know I was surrounded by different kinds and sizes of floating and empty mirrors.

I watched, fascinated as one giant circle mirror in particular winked at me. It has an old white-stone frame shaped like an angel's outstretched wings. Right at its middle, however, was a grotesque form of a horned gargoyle. It was crouching on top of the mirror, hands and feet holding on to the top circle. Its empty eye sockets gazed at me, his mouth frozen in an angry snarl and his wings were broken behind him.

I tripped at my own feet and ran, making sure to provide equal distances between the hanging mirrors on both my sides. Coming towards my left, I saw another, bigger than the rest but smaller in width compared to the gargoyled mirror. This one called to me and whispered many unintelligible nothings. I took an involuntary step forward. It was circular too and framed with dark wrought iron. Compared to the first one, this mirror looked more normal. No wings and no growling figures. However, the whispers of air coming from it proved it more dangerous to me.

 _What's wrong with these gothic mirrors?_ I thought and found myself looking earnestly at the empty mirror. I started and looked around, wondering how I suddenly ended up looking at it. I turned to look again and let out a horrified scream when my own face emerged out from nowhere, my eyes empty and my mouth wide open, showing nothing inside.

* * *

I jerked up and yelped when I saw stars. I held my throbbing head in my hands. A familiar voice shouted above me. A warm breeze came and caressed at my skin. Despite of the pain, I opened my teary eyes. I found a silver-haired boy – Killua scowling at me as he held his red forehead. I would have assume that he would murder me soon if not for the hint of worry sparkling in his sky-blue eyes.

''Are you okay?'' He asked through gritted teeth.

 _No, my head feels like it has been pummelled and I feel a little dizzy, okay… that's a lie, I feel extremely dizzy. Of course I'm not okay._ I thought but I was too lazy and confused to say it. My last memory was seeing my screaming face, seeing a long lost memory and _Whale Island._

I took a deep breath of fresh air and relaxed a little as soon as I realised it was all a dream – or nightmare. I glanced over my shoulder and scanned our surroundings through squinted eyes since my eyes were still a little blurry from my sleep. I rubbed at them gently as not to hurt them. I saw many people loitering about. They were either chatting with each other or looking around and over their shoulders time to time as if searching for someone. On the other hand, there were also some who were content to stand on their own.

We were all located in front of a towering white-washed gate. On the other side, on my left was a forest. For a moment, I watched the array of colours around me and took a few seconds to appreciate them – red, orange, blue, yellow, green, white, brown…

A very warm hand pulled me none-too-gently to the side and my eyes were met with angry dark blue ones. ''Killua?'' I heard my own voice, still weak and hoarse.

''Airhead.'' He growled out, teeth clenched. ''Why are you _so_ weird?!'' He tilted his head to the side and paused as he scrutinised me like I was some kind of cockroach he so wanted to step on. I felt my eyes water at the comparison. All my life, I was never looked at like that. Gon, for example, will never look at me like that.

' _'_ _Gon_ … Where is Gon?'' I looked around, feeling more desperate to see him at every breath I took.

''Tche! Quit your acting, _bitch_.'' I stilled at his harsh tone. '' I carried you here so you better be grateful. You don't know how many times I wanted to drop your heavy ass back there.'' He nodded towards the forest then proceeded to glare at me. I looked down, confused. _Back where?_

 _''…_ _Numere island , also known as the Swindler's Swamp.''_ I started as I heard Satotz' s calm voice in my head. I quickly stood up and swayed a little. But otherwise, everything made sense already. We were running as part of the first phase of the Hunters exam. We met up with Killua and Gon was….

''Where's my brother!?'' My voice cracked and I desperately looked around, hoping that I'll catch a glimpse of his green jacket and spiky hair. I paused when I saw... the green needle thing standing with his back on us. _I really need to catch his name. Calling him a green thing can be a little tiring._ I thought very quickly.

''And she's back…'' Killua said drily.

I stared at him expectantly. When he didn't answer, ''Where's Gon?'' I repeated more softly, despite my heavy head. I thought that maybe if I asked nicely, he would reply nicely too.

''Gon. Gon. Gon. Everytime you open your mouth, it's always Gon. Geez… Your worse than my mother!'' But obviously, Killua's a special case. I opened my mouth to demand him to tell me where my wayward brother was when my eyes caught a familiar colour of red. I found him smirking alone and looking so satisfied with himself. My breath got knocked out of my lungs when I recognised Leorio's unconscious form draped over his shoulder. _That bastard!_

One burst of ill intent was all it took for the red-head to turn his yellow eyes and caught my staring. I didn't even bother hiding anymore. I took an angry step forward only to be stopped when Killua's hand shot out and held me so tightly at the arm. I was about to glance at him over my shoulder, teeth bared when Hisoka's expression changed. I watched as his eyes widened a miniscule amount at _seeing_ me. His mouth parted a little and his eyebrows rose up further.

Behind me, I sensed Killua tensed and moved a little closer – a little too close since he was literally breathing on my neck. I ignored my discomfort and focused on Hisoka. His eyes darted from me to Killua then back to me again. Slowly, his face lifted up to a _smile_. It looked so innocent and _so wrong_ on him that I prepared myself to leap away in case he decided to attack. He turned away instead and laid the unconscious Leorio on the floor and gave him a little push on the head.

Killua tightened his hold even further as if sensing that I will walk away very soon. Hisoka was smirking as he sauntered away, hands playing magic tricks with his cards. I pulled my arm and hastened towards my unconscious friend. His face was swollen and he looked so vulnerable. I checked his bare chest for any signs of abuse (sexual or physical) and felt a little relieved when there was nothing. His trousers were also intact, despite all the dirt.

Leaning in, I smelled his scent – of sweat and men's cologne, tainted with something sweet from Hisoka. _Bubblegum._ My fingers hovered against the swollen cheek and I wished I had something cold. Turning my nose up, I tried sniffing out any source of water nearby. But the mingling scent of too many people at one place made it harder.

''He'll be fine. It's just a little punch.'' Killua's dry voice sounded from above and behind me.

''A little punch?'' I turned my head to the side but didn't look up. ''Half of his face is swollen!''

''There's worse things than a swollen face, bitch. Like your face, for example.'' He replied venomously.

Angry, I stood up and turned on him. ''What's your problem, kid?''

Killua took a dangerous step forward, eyes flashing to dark blue. ''My problem? I dragged your heavy ass here and you act like it's nothing!

I snapped my mouth shut. Memories of running and passing over a mark and getting swallowed by darkness flashing in my mind. ''I fainted?'' Killua rolled his eyes. His hands finding his hips. ''You carried me?'' He turned to me, staring at me blankly.

''Obviously.''

''B-but… where's my brother?'' Killua scowled but his face softened a little. ''Gon…Where's my brother?'' I turned around, eyes roaming. ''Omygod. My brother. I lost him. Have… Where…Wait… What happened?'' I mumbled to myself. I turned back to the silver-haired boy. ''Ki-Killua… What happened?''

''I don't know.'' He shrugged. ''He was suddenly—''

''…Gin!''

Straightening up, I turned and found Gon running towards us with Kurapika behind him. My feet carried me off towards him in an instant. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I stiffened when I smelled Hisoka's bubblegum scent on his neck. I pushed him and held him still on the shoulders just as I felt he was going to slip away. ''What happened?! What did Hisoka do?! Tell me!''

Gon's eyes were wide. I knew then that he was planning on not tell me what happened. His eyes softened and filled with guilt. ''I was going to tell—''

I let go like I got burned. It sure felt like it inside my stomach. ''No, you weren't.'' Gon's eyes widened at my even tone. He shook his head, hands reaching out. I gently held them away. ''It's alright, Gon. You didn't want to worry me, right?''

''Gin.'' He called softly. He caught my hands and held them tight. ''Gin… I smelled Leorio's cologne and decided to follow him.'' He explained, bright brown eyes begging me to understand. '' I found him in the woods just as he was going to hurt Leorio. You were asleep so I left you with Killua.'' Gon's breath hitched. He knew he said the wrong word so he quickly attempted to cover it up. ''Hisoka, he, held me by the neck but then he stopped for some reason and –''

 _Left you with Killua._

''Stop, Gon. I don't want to hear it.'' Gon stopped midway. Eyes wide and hurt radiated off him in waves. ''I'm still tired. Maybe later.'' I told him to lessen the blow.

My twin smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. ''Yeah. You look a little pale. Do you want some pain-killers?''

I shook my head. ''No. That will only disrupt my focus.'' Together, we walked towards our waking friend. The hairs on my arms stood up and the familiar feeling of fear licked at my whole person. I ignored it, knowing that Hisoka's eyes were on us. Unfortunately, I feel as though fear has become the norm that I am learning how to ignore and cover up the rapid fluttering in my chest, my stomach churning and the desire to run and hide.

For the first time in forever, Gon was the first to reach for my hand and held it on his arm. I ignored him but didn't push him away. He was here. Safe and sound, for now, it was all that matters most. After all, he survived in the books. Hisoka didn't kill him or rape him or anything like that. Gon grew stronger, just like how Hisoka wanted. So, I guess, to some sick extent, Hisoka's important. _Very important._

 _'_ _He doesn't really need me._ ' I thought. My lips curled up in dark amusement. Gon seemed content about this and bounced happily towards Leorio with me in tow. Killua caught my eyes then but said nothing.

''Ugh. What happened?''

From the corner of my eyes, I watched as Kurapika and Gon shared a look of understanding. Telling Leorio he got owned by Hisoka and had to be carried by him was thus agreed not to be told to the older guy at all.

 _What he doesn't know won't kill him,_ is what was secretly said. I am full of secrets. I am a secret. It shouldn't bother me. But it did.

* * *

Visca Forest Reserve – was the name of the second exam site. The second part of exam was most surprisingly, a cooking test. When I felt happier about this, most of the applicants expressed their disappointment and abhorrence regarding it. I watched as the pink-haired voluptuous woman listened at the degrading remarks the applicants uttered about her job as a gourmet hunter when she and her partner were right in front of them. I felt a diminutive amount of pity towards her but otherwise, what she really feels and what these applicants feel are at the very least of my worries.

I did a rough estimate of the remaining number of applicants – probably around 100-200 out of 405 applicants at the start. The lost numbers were either going home now, in hospitals, animal food or animal shit.

But no one seems to acknowledge tor care about this. Except me. For them, this was normal.

Menchi announced that she likes her main dish to be pork and that we were to hunt the pigs from the woods. From my observations, she seemed smug when she declared her test and her eyes gleamed something that could mean wicked.

 _This test will be harder that everyone thinks._ I thought as I jogged with everyone else, ignoring the way my twin had been so heartbreakingly trying to include me in everything he does. The others seem to understand to keep away which was good. I thought of getting my act back up but I felt too drained to do so and to care that I was acting like a PMSing bitch. If they can't handle it, they can go away.

I leapt and climbed a tree effortlessly just as Gon turned his nose up to scent the air. I climbed my way up and then leapt from tree to tree. Now that I realised Gon doesn't need me as much as I deluded myself into thinking he does, I can rest easier when I'm apart from him. I landed on a tree taller than the rest. I stood, carefully balanced as I inhaled the air one last time.

I looked down and relaxed as I saw a group of pink pigs chewing on some bones. _Ah… so that's why. These pigs are carnivorous._ I thought, remembering Menchi's small smirk.

I glanced over my shoulder as I heard someone some rustling and the sound of increasing noises. To my surprise, Gon slid down, followed by Killua who shouted in alarm as Gon suddenly stopped, he proceeded down and stopped behind my brother, followed by Kurapika then Leorio. My lips curled up, amused. _Comic relief._

''A-are they chewing on bones?'' Leorio's voice cracked.

As if on a cue, the herd noticed them and the four boys scrambled about and ran. From out of the chaos, I watched, nearly amused as the other applicants ran around like headless chickens from the herd of pigs. In this situation, they were running and squealing for their lives. In this situation, they were the prey and these 'pork' are the predators.

I stopped myself from jumping in when my brother faced a humongous pig, armed with only a fishing rod. Watching him fight the pig, I saw what Hisoka saw in my brother. That shine in his eyes became brighter in the field. There was no fear. No worry. Armed with just a fishing rod – such an interesting choice of weapon – my brother managed to learn the pig's weakness and defeat his opponent. Because of this, the others learnt how to do it too. Soon after, everyone were running towards the exam site, pig in hand.

I landed a kick on one applicant who came too close to my tree and robbed him of his pig while he laid on the floor, unconscious. I felt a little guilty but this was an exam and we were training as hunters. Cunning, deceitful and merciless – that's what they are. When he wakes up, he'll learn a lesson. And given he doesn't die anytime this year, he'll take next year's exam and remain on guard at every minute of it.

''Gin! Congrats! You found your pig!'' Gon grinned at me. I kindly softened my expression and gave him a little smile.

''I did. Thank you for the idea.'' My brother's grin faltered a little at my tone. He rubbed his cheek and lamely chuckled.

''It's nothing. It was just luck.''

I hummed. ''Well done, Gon.'' I said and started thinking of what I was going to do. Taking out a knife from the cupboards, I sliced off a large portion of pork from the pig's loins. After slicing them all into thinner pieces, I prepared a mixture of soy sauce, vinegar, garlic puree, pepper and salt then submerged the pork into the mixture. I turned on the grill and oven and heat them up. I took out some potatoes, tomatoes and asparagus from the available basket. Deftly slicing the potatoes into wedges, I sprinkled some salt on them and placed them to one side. I took out a rice cooker and washed the rice before cooking them. Then, carefully opened the grill and placed the pork chops insde after adding some herbs and spices on their surfaces. I took out a saucepan and filled them with water to boil. I cut the asparagus into little pieces, then placed the tomatoes on another side. I searched the cupboards for plates and selected the prettiest ones.

As I busily worked, I studiously ignored the commotion around me and the number of eyes I was attracting.

I placed a pork chop on the rectangular plate, followed by the wedges and pieces of asparagus. Them, I scooped out rice from the cooker and placed them on bowls.

''Gon. Killua. Kurapika. Leorio.'' I called. I turned and noticed them watching me with wide eyes. Leorio was openly drooling. ''Eat. These are for you.'' I told them with a small smile.

Placing the two identical plates on a tray, I scooped out another two bowls of rice and put them on each side of the dishes. On another tray, there were two glasses and a bottle of water plus the cooking utensils. I wish there was red wine but I didn't see any. _Ah… What a pain._

I carefully hefted the trays up and kept an eye out for anyone who'll dare stop me. I served the plates to the two gourmet hunters and paused for a little bit, trying to remember where the little spoon should go.

The pink-haired hunter touched the space above of the plate. With a small grateful smile, I placed them on top. ''Open-pan grilled pork chop, oven-baked potato wedges, boiled rice and vegetables namely boiled asparagus and fresh tomatoes. I hope you have no allergies, Masters?''

The two shook their heads.

I took a step back and bowed a little, copying the butlers I watched from films. ''Would you like a drink, Madame?'' I asked politely ignoring the stares I felt on my back. She nodded and I filled her glass with water. ''I apologize. Red wine will be a thousand times better. However, we lack them in supply. Master?''

''Please!'' The big man hollered. I smiled pleasantly and filled his glass with water. He drank them in one go. I filled them back up. He dunked them again. I was about to give him a refill when he placed his large meaty hand on top. I politely bowed and stepped back.

''Hm… the veggies are just right. And the potatoes are good. I like that you gave consideration and placed an option for rice. The plain rice is good, not too wet or dry. Pork chops are very much average…. But compared to the others,'' Menchi spat out the word _others._ ''This actually taste like food and look like food.'' I felt her look at me up and down. The large man whose name I've forgotten was beaming and nodding at everything the woman says. ''You also seem very good with table manners… _unlike some others._ '' She added. ''YOU PASS!''

I bowed again and ignored the several complains from the applicants. Something about me being a girl so it shan't be a surprise I can cook and something about giving them a _real_ test because they wanted to be _real_ hunters. With each word and complain, I can literally feel Menchi's ire heating up.

The large man beckoned me with his large hand. He said if I want, I could wait inside and that they will call me out when needed. I turned over my shoulder towards my group. Gon was grinning at me with his thumbs up. Killua was smirking, Kurapika was smiling at me proudly and Leorio was grinning, looking like an older version of Gon. In front of them, their plates were cleared. I gave them one small nod and agreed with the large man.

''…Where's she going?'' I heard Gon ask. I closed my eyes and let the Gourmet Hunter lead me to a sitting room. I stood there awkwardly because Satotz was there, reading a book on archaeology with a small cup of espresso at his side.

''This is Gin! She's the only one who passed so far! She'll wait here for a moment, is that alright?'' The gourmet hunter introduced.

''Ah. Buhara-san. Of course. As long as she stays quiet.''

Buhara looked down at me. I nodded. ''I will. Thank you.'' He smiled amiably and walked away. I turned towards the examiner who just ignored me. I sat myself down on the sofa and removed my backpack from my shoulders. I placed my bag right on my lap and hugged it. I muffled my sigh of relief. I just missed sitting down. Come to think of it, ever since we left, I haven't sat down on something that is comfortable. I haven't even seen a bed.

The sitting room was filled with this soft buzzing noise that I noticed was the air-conditioner. I embraced my bag closer. I felt a soft tickling sensation around my nose. I rubbed it but it only caused the itch to worsen.

 _Achoo!_ I covered my mouth. The examiner's sharp eyes zeroed at me from atop his book.

''Excuse me, Satoz-san. It seems a little dusty here.'' I said, frowning at the tall air conditioner. I wondered when the last time it was cleaned.

I leaned my back on the sofa's softness and closed my eyes. I concentrated at the dark and I assiduously avoided thinking of anything else than the comfort. I opened my eyes again when I heard a loud boom then the sound of an airship coming down. I glanced at the calm examiner. _What were the chances of them forgetting me?_ I thought. I stood up prepared to leave when suddenly the door burst open.

''God! I nearly forgot you! Come on! Quickly!'' the pink-haired proctor grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out. She dragged me towards the airship. ''I decided to change the exam, even though I really, really want to fail those fu-freaking applicants. Don't worry, you won't have to take it again since you already passed.'' She paused. ''We're going to Split Mountain by the way. The others are going to hunt for spider eagle's eggs.'' We stepped out of the mansion and I jogged to catch up with her strides. Gon, Killua, Kurapika and Leorio were standing at the bottom of the airship's staircase, waiting for me.

''Gin!'' Gon waved.

''Thank God for your brother. I would've forgot you, shrimp!'' A hand ruffled my hair. ''You don't really talk much, do you?''

''Thank you for all your help, Menchi-san.'' I replied because there was no answer to her question. She waved her hand. ''You didn't have to wait.'' I told the guys as soon as I was close enough. Killua crossed his arms.

''Told ya. ''He said to my brother.

Leorio reached out and messed up my pony-tailed hair which I just noticed is already very much messy. ''Didn't know you can cook so well, chibi! Now you can prepare all those cute bento boxes for us.'' He cackled.

''Leorio! Thank you Gin. The food was wonderful.'' Kurapika said, gently smiling down at me.

''Thank you, Kurapika and you're welcome.'' I said softly, still gazing up at his calming grey eyes.

''Hey! How about me?!'' I shook my head with a small smile.

''Come on! Get in!'' The proctor ushered us in. Once inside, we settled down and waited until we reached the Split Mountain. I crossed my arms again as I felt the cool air blowing on my skin as soon as I sat down. Gon sat down beside me with a bright smile.

''Isn't this great, sis! You passed already so you don't need to do it again!'' I nodded and looked away to the window, feeling a little sleepy all of a sudden but still fighting it.

We arrived at our destination quicker than I anticipated. It was a good thing as well since it feels better standing up than sitting down. I followed and listened in as Menchi announced and showed her substitute test. The remaining applicants were to jump down the split mountain and grab a spider eagle's egg. I looked down and the wind blew at me softly, cold and biting. I shivered a little. Just then, a stronger gust came up and brought the pink-haired proctor up with it. She landed swiftly on her feet.

''Good luck!'' I said to the guys as they all jumped in. Crossing my arms again, I waited as they all came back up, fewer than before. When Menchi asked the others if they wish to do the second try, they all backed out.

They all boiled the egg and I watched as my brother offered a tall and big man a bite from his boiled egg. Apparently, they tasted good. I listened in as the guy offered his apology to the proctor.

''This is what we, Gourmet hunters, risk our lives for.'' The hunter said proudly.

''Chibi.'' I turned to Leorio. ''Here. Have a little bite.'' I took a bite. It tasted good but a little dry. ''Good, right?!'' I nodded. ''I never tasted anything like it!'' He said and I hummed, feeling my nose itch again.

 _Achoo!_

Leorio paused. ''You're not really feeling well, are you?'' he asked in a low voice.

''What? I'm fine!''

He narrowed his eyes at me. ''You haven't talked more than one or two sentences ever since I woke up, chibi. And you look pale.'' I avoided his hand.

''I'm fine, Leorio. Hmph. '' I crossed my arms. ''I'm not sick. I've never been sick ever in my life.'' I told him and climbed up the stairs.

* * *

I stood beside Killua who installed himself between Gon and I. I had glared at his smirk but didn't say anything else. We listened as the chairman, Netero and his secretary, Beans who was the one to give us our tags, introduced themselves to us. Doing a rough count again, the applicants have gone down to about 50. A very small amount, indeed. And it's only past the second phase of the exam. The air was tensed and the chairman didn't let go of the opportunity to comment on it.

''Dinner is in the dinner hall. You may also get some rest. We will arrive at our destination at 8 am tomorrow. Until that time, you may do whatever you wish.''

''Alright, Gon! Let's explore the airship!''

''Alright!'' Gon said and followed Killua. He stopped in fron of me and placed his heated palm over my forehead. ''Sis, take a rest, okay?'' He said softly, eyes worried but still somehow smiling and then he kissed my cheek before leaving.

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder and Leorio leaned down. Next thing I know, there was an arm curled around my knees and I was lifted up like I weighed nothing. I looked down in surprise at Leorio. He was looking straight ahead. ''Man… those kids have so much energy! I'm hitting the sack.'' He said, tiredly.

Kurapika was looking up at me with a gentle, understanding smile that's always him. Suddenly, my eyes stared to sting. I rubbed at them. ''But still, they didn't mention how many phases there's still left.'' He said lowly, holding his chin while thinking.

''On average, there's about four to five phases!'' An overly helpful voice added. Kurapika and Leorio turned. I wrapped an arm around Leorio's neck, tilting my head to the side as I stared at the old man who was doing his best not to meet my eyes.

''Which means we have about three or four to go.'' Leorio considered.

''…All the more reason to rest now.'' Kurapika added.

As we turned away and walked away, the annoying old man spoke again, ''You should be careful. The secretary only told us when we'll arrive at our destination. The third phase of the exam could take place here on the airship itself.'' I inwardly nodded and actually deliberated the plausibility of his excuse. Kurapika held his chin in thought and agreed while Leorio just looked flabbergasted. ''When you wake up, you might find that the exam has finished! So, if you plan to make it to the next phase, don't let yourself relax on this airship.'' I narrowed my eyes at him and thought that if he wanted to sound more convincing, he should learn how to mask out the impish look on his face and how to rephrase his words so they sounded more distressed and worried.

Leorio stood up and bounced me in his arm. ''What the hell. Anyway, thank you for the advice.'' Then, he walked away.

''…We shall bear that in mind.'' Kurapika calmly said and followed.

''Let's do our best!'' Tonpa said and let out a wave of wicked intent. _Stu-pid._

…

When we entered this empty room, I was laid on the floor by Leorio. ''What do you think, Kurapika?'' I asked the blonde as I removed my bag off my shoulders. The blonde handed me a small tablet. We stared at each other before I gave up and popped the thing into my mouth. Then, he handed me another bottle of water.

''It is impossible that the third phase shall happen here. If it was, they would have told us to stand by. That's why…'' Kurapika glanced at Leorio who we suddenly found snoring and drooling the moment he sat down. With an angelic smile, the blonde smiled and then turned to me. To my surprise, he removed his tabard then placed it to the side. He patted his lap.

''I'm fine.'' I said but then his hand shot out and pulled me. He then placed his blue tabard over me.

''Relax, Gin.'' He said and I felt face and neck heat up when I felt his fingers caressing my hair. His hands were soothing that I can't help but close my eyes. ''You're safe here. I promise.'' He whispered. ''Sleep.''

Next thing I know, everything faded and I did just that.

* * *

When I came to, it was because of another presence at the door. I felt warm and realised that I was lying on my back with my head on Kurapika's lap with another blanket over me and a cold towel pressed on my forehead. Both boys were asleep but at the doorway, I turned and saw Tonpa just as his roguish grin fell off his face. Our eyes met and he quickly. The door shut itself close. I sighed and closed my heavy eyes again.

* * *

 _Author's note_ :

 _Well, someone's in denial. Thank goodness she's surrounded by sweet boys!_ _What do you think of this chapter, especially her dream? Is Gin withdrawing into herself again!? Are you surprise by this attitude or is it expected?_

 _Again, thank you so much with your reviews. I will try my best not to abandon this story. Hopefully, I get to finish this. I really enjoy writing it and even I am curious about how Gin's journey will go! Wacthing the show without her now feels so weird! Like it's wrong because she's not there... (I'm getting a little into it maybe)._

 _Unfortunately, I have some assignments to really do... . And I procrastinated just to write this one chapter. Hahaha. I promised myself I will just write one chapter and then read and write my essays. I mean, how hard could it be?! It needs only 200 words plus another one 200 words for the other essay! So, 400 in total! It's the reading I am a little lazy about. Hahaha. It's weird how I can read fanfics and books so easily and then agonise over one booklet about Dementia and their causes. Oh! The pain!_

 _Thanks so much for my reviewers and followers! Please keep in reading! About the swearing and stuff, (animagirl) I will try my best to tone it down. It will be a little difficult because Gin has a really dirty mouth! So, expect her head to be even dirtier! ^^ Thank you for AmericaNidiot, animagirl, Every Shadow has its twin, YCG and guests that review and my followers, favouriters (not a word but whatever) and readers - you know who you are!_

 _Hunter X Hunter is not mine! I AM IN LOVE WITH HIEI! Yu Yu Hakusho needs re-run like Hunter X Hunter! If you want to read a good SI/OC x Hiei - read future talk by Graphospasm! I am greatly inspired with her whole work and made me fall in love with Yu Yu Hakusho all over again. Oh Hiei (swoons). Sadly, there isn't much fics for Kurama :( Poor clever baby needs some loving._

 _Furthermore, I am so sorry for any mistakes! I re-read my stuff and I wince every time I encounter a typo and mistakes. I do try my best. Hahaha._

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	12. Chapter 11 - A Different Fate

**Chapter 11 – A Different Fate – Third Phase**

 _''_ _You often find your fate on the road you take to avoid it.'' ~ French proverb_

* * *

When I woke up from another horrifying nightmare, I made no noise nor made any movement. But even under the blankets, I felt cold but oddly enough, I was also sweating. I turned a little and saw a sleeping Kurapika and then a snoring Leorio. With trembling fingers, I removed the warm towel from my forehead and very slowly sat up, my head whirling from the inside. I glanced at the wall clock and squinted at the time – just about 3am.

I scanned my surroundings. It was just the three of us in a room full of flipped tables and various knick knacks scattered about. Breathing heavily, I stood up and let the brown worn blanket that smelled a little dusty and Kurapika's blue and yellow tabard fall from myself. I leaned down to heft my backpack from the floor then closed my eyes tight when my head felt it was going to explode.

''…Gin?'' I glanced over my shoulder and looked down at the waking blonde. He cutely rubbed at his eye and looked up to me, eyes quickly becoming worried.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. ''I'll just go and find Gon. '' I told him and started to walk towards the door.

''Gin.'' Kurapika made to move. I turned to him again, smiling at his worried face.

''I'm fine, Kurapika. I can't sleep anymore without that boy. Knowing him, he probably got into trouble with Killua already. Need to bail them out. Hm. Take a rest.'' I nodded and without another word, I pushed the door and let it close.

3 AM. The ship won't arrive until around 8 AM. Walking on the empty and quiet corridor, I wondered where Gon was. Passing an air conditioner, I shivered as goose-bumps raced up my arms.

 _I am sick._ I smirked darkly. It was my first illness in this life and just my luck, it happened right in the middle of the exams. _I knew I should've changed my outfit while on that ship._

I quietly deliberated and analysed my feelings (because it's always nice to describe what you're feeling) – my head was heavy and my eyes felt sensitive, especially towards light, I felt like I was walking with weights strapped on my limbs and there's a painful lump lodged in my throat. In short, I think I have a death sentence.

Quitting was immediately out of the choices I have. In fact, it was either I fight and win, I die trying, or I quit and live. The last choice is so darn tempting but…

My mind promptly provided me with after-images of my nightmare. Predictably, it was about Gon and Hisoka. I knew when I was dreaming it that it was nothing but a nightmare concocted by my fear. But seeing something so horrible in my own head, something disgusting and horrendous happening to my brother and me being too helpless to do anything about it was… was beyond terrorising. My head gave me another stabbing pain and I laid my head softly against the cool wall to ease it.

I tensed and turned sharply just as I felt a strong blast of murderous intent. My hands quickly pulled out my twin knives from their sheaths, my feet ready to spring at whatever direction as adrenaline sent fire into my veins. My ears registered the gentle clacks of his slippers before I saw him.

Chairman Netero came walking down at the opposite direction and paused to look at me. ''Oh my. Something wrong, dear?'' His wizened and ancient grandfather voice didn't do anything but kept me more suspicious. _It must've been him. It should. There's no one else here but him._

I straightened up and gave him a small bow. ''Good morning, chairman. I'm sorry for disturbing you.'' I said, not really sorry about anything. If someone was disturbing someone, really, it was him. I wondered what he wanted.

He smiled, looking harmless and amiable. He was _too good_ that I cannot get a read off him. His aura was closed off. If I was a civilian or a foolish applicant, I would think him a normal old man who somehow ended up in this ship. However, he won't be chairman if he wasn't strong, or possibly, the strongest of them all. My head throbbed and I fought not to wince when the force of it seemed stronger than the last one. I saw in my mind's eye a face of a boy – a green boy with a funny helmet.

''Dear, you look pale. Are you sick?'' The old hunter's shoes clacked as he took a step closer to me. Then, I saw a golden statue with many hands behind him.

I held two fingers and pressed them in between my eyebrows. ''No, sir. Thank you for your concern. I am fine. Just a little tired.''

''Ah… yes. It must have been tiring, yes?''

''Yes, sir.''

''Why not quit?'' My fake smile fell as soon as I registered the change in his voice. I wondered briefly if he was testing me. He probably was. But the question was, is the third phase of the exam occurring right now and that's why it was all quiet, or is he just trying to make me feel scared?

But why? Is it because I look weak? Many hunters, and not surprisingly people like him, will likely to test those they meet and humiliate those who won't meet their standards. Although, he didn't strike me as that kind of bully, he isn't really a kindly grandfather material either.

''I have my reasons.'' I told him, not bothering to sugar-coat my tone anymore. At this, the old man smirked but hid it with a laugh.

''Don't we all?!'' he said and I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at his reply. We stood there awkwardly for a moment. I stared smilingly politely at his face whilst he did the same to me. I would've found the situation funny if it wasn't me at the receiving end. His eyes searched for something and I searched him back. I wondered for a second if he had noticed my similarities with my twin.

Most likely, of course. Hunters like him won't fail to notice something so obvious. Therefore, the old chairman was comparing and contrasting me and my brother during the small span of three seconds. He would be likely to do more later. _Has he met with my brother? Should I ask him?_

''Well, I was off for a cup of tea.'' He started, friendly again. 'Would you like to join me?''

I bowed. ''I am grateful for the offer but I'd have to decline. I am searching for my brother, Gon Freecs. I am afraid I've lost him for quite some time, chairman.'' The fact that I was speaking so formally was awful. I sounded so sick and scripted. ''You haven't, perchance, seen him, have you, chairman?'' I tilted my head innocently to one side. _I really don't have any idea how to act in front of those stronger than me._ I realised. I kept a note to think about this later.

''Ah well…'' I stiffened. _He does._ I told myself to be patient. ''Well…''

When he didn't elaborate; ''Sir?''

''Ah… yes! The last time I saw him, he was passed out…'

''What?'' I mumbled to myself, weakly. ''What happened?!... Chairman?'' My eyes widened and my stomach churned as I remembered my nightmare. ''Chairman?'' I looked up, feet begging to be let loose. But I stopped myself. I can't fidget whilst in front of someone like him.

''Calm down, Miss Freecs. We just played a little game of ball and he passed out from exhaustion. I left him in…'' I carefully stilled myself. '' in Room number… Hm…'' I glowered up at him as he held his chin in thought. ''Room number…''

I closed my eyes and sighed as my temper slowly rose. He seemed to revel in it. _Patience is key. He's testing you._ I told myself.

After what felt like too many minutes, the chairman clicked his finger. ''Aha! Room 117!—''

I took as step back and bowed, ignoring the sharp head pain it brought. ''Please, excuse me chairman. Thank you for your help.'' I said and walked past the old chairman and his aggravating ways.

''Hohoho! You're welcome, dear! I hope you'll feel better in the morning.'' I heard him say. My feet refused to stop and I refuse to acknowledge nor answer his tone because it confuses the heck out of me. Was he mocking me or warning me? Perhaps he was both at the same time.

* * *

True to his words, I found my brother in Room 117, a circular room with a shining wooden floor and round windows. He was just there, lying on his back and his arms and legs splayed out around him, snoring like a baby. His jacket and socks were gone and he was in his white vest and green shorts. Entering the dimmed room, I removed my dirty boots and left them beside his. Wiggling my tired toes, I approached my brother and sat beside his sleeping form. After checking his fine form, I laid myself sluggishly beside him. He moaned in his sleep and opened one sleepy eye.

''…Gin?'' I smiled softly when his voice broke. I wondered when puberty will start showing on him. It would be so cute and I can't wait to tease him incessantly.

''Sleep. We still have time.'' I told him. He shifted to his side, facing me then raised his arm and leg over me. I chuckled and kicked his leg off to lay mine over his. We leg wrestled for a bit until I got tired and let him won.

''Did you drink medicine?'' I hummed and snuggled closer to him. His scent was strong after sweating a lot but not unpleasant. It was Gon's plus a hint of old man and if I sniff more, a little bit of Killua.

''Gin. You feel really warm.'' He said, sounding worried.

''I'm fine.' I hummed again and closed my eyes as he started combing my hair out of my ponytail. Come to think of it, I never had the chance to cut it. I sighed when my hair was set loose.

''Killua talked to me.'' He started, voice husky with sleep.

''Hm?''

''He said he may have said 'some rude things to you' '' he quoted.

''Oh yes. He called me a bitch and an airhead.'' I replied, not really bothered about them. But then I smiled, thinking about the silver-haired boy. ''Was he feeling guilty?''

Gon's giggle vibrated from his chest. ''Yeah. He won't admit it though. He told me you're sick.''

''Ah… you didn't notice.'' I knew then without looking that he blushed.

''I did! But I… I'm sorry, Gin.''

'''S okay.'' I patted his thin chest. ''About Killua. What do you think of him?''

His chest puffed out. ''I think he's great, sis! We played with the chairman but he left early. Think he's tired. We were supposed to get the ball from him but he's just _so_ fast! But in the end, I won because I got him use his right hand!'' I smiled and hummed. It was just so him to find another way to challenge himself.

''…he reminds me of you a little.'' At this, I opened my eyes, eyebrows raising and curling.

''In what way?''

''Well… you're both… reserved, mature and… really smart.'' I grinned.

''Don't sugar-coat, Gon. You're better off straight forward and simple.''

''Fine. You're both closed off, serious and really smart.'' I hummed. ''… and you also have this air of… this air of seriousness or something.''

I chuckled. ''Seriousness, huh?'' I felt Gon scratch his head.

''I'm awful with words, sis. But you get it, right?''

I nodded. ''I think I get ya. Well… I was a rude to him when we first met too. So, it's understandable.'' He nodded. _Bastard, you're supposed to say 'you're okay, sis' or at least say 'just a little!'_

''…But I never saw you like that before.'' I listened.

''Hm?''

''You… never played with the other kids at all, Gin.''

''We weren't playing, brother.''

Gon laughed softly. ''No. No… You weren't.'' He yawned and made me yawn as well. I snuggled in closer as he pulled me closer and rubbed his warm hands on my exposed shoulder. All of a sudden, he sat up then promptly came back with his green jacket. With a small smile, he laid back down and placed his jacket over me. My eyes stung when I closed my eyes and my throat was hurting me more. I gripped at my brother's shirt and filled my lungs with his scent.

 _He's safe. He'll always be safe. He'll be strong enough. I will keep him safe._

Then, for the first time since leaving _Whale Island,_ I slept wonderfully.

* * *

I woke up again, feeling better at around 6 am in the morning. I untangled myself off my brother and walked towards one of the round windows. Peering outside, the day was just starting and the sun has just risen up. Smiling at the reddish sky, I could tell that today will be a beautiful day. I looked down and found us still high up in the air, meaning we still had some distance to go.

Glancing over my shoulder to my sleeping brother, I contemplated of finding a shower but decided against it because that would mean leaving him alone in here. I bent my knees and let myself slid down the floor.

Crossing my legs and straightening my back against the wall, I slowly breathed in and out. It was harder to concentrate inside the ship, especially in the environment I was in but I tried and tried until finally, I entered my meditation state.

I felt my aura nodes open and my _Nen_ flowed out, surrounding me like the most expensive velvet I ever had (which is like, never ever). I maintained the aura relaxed around me for I don't know how long. I sat there, content and feeling even better in every minute that pass. This was when I realised how heavy my head felt. Bit by bit, I felt it lightened.

I thought about concentrating my aura to my fists, legs or eyes but again, after a little bit more of contemplation, I decided against it. This was an airship full of hunters, who knows who will notice that burst of energy? Also, focusing them at one part of my body creates a soft shrilling noise that could wake Gon. And I really want to stay in this state for as long as possible.

I imagined darkness. Then, in that darkness I imagined a small white round table. On that table, I imagined my _X cards._ I hovered my hand on the pack of cards and passed my hand to the right. The cards followed my movement and they laid themselves on an overlapping line.

Picking up one card, I found Hisoka with his hand wrapped around my brother's neck. Gon's legs dangled high up from the floor while Hisoka's face just plainly looked like he was having fun. Since I knew the event was finished, I calmly (trembling) placed the slightly crinkled card back on the table. Picking up another, I saw a tall hulking man with a frozen down-casted expression on his face and cold eyes. His hair was blond and he was wearing a plain dirty and old shirt and brown trousers. He was bare-footed. Confused, I placed the card down and drew another card out. This time, I thought the last card made sense. This new card showed another side of Killua. The silver-haired boy looked dark and foreboding as he held a small bloody cloth that contained something shaped like a heart. He was smiling from the card and right at me with shark-like blue eyes. Gulping, I placed the card on the table and took note not to piss off the boy ever again.

 _A fight._ There will be a fight next phase – possibly a death match. I swallowed and controlled my breathing. I was wondering who I was going to fight and who will Gon have to fight when I drew another card. My eyes widened and I scowled in confusion when for some reason the card contained a picture of a scary Tonpa with his hands fisted in front of him.

 _Well, if I was going to fight him, I'll win._

Smiling a pleasant smile, I thought of Gon. I frowned again. This time, I felt even more confused as I held my imaginary card in hand that had an image of two candles – one short and one small. _Candles? My brother will be fighting candles?! Come on! Be a bit clearer!_

The card remained what it was. But it wasn't like I was expecting it to do something else. My only new discovery today was that it looks like I could ask questions when using my cards. Only that they'd look more vague than normal if I did. I withdrew another card then found it a picture of an island – a funny looking island resembling a dumbbell, surrounded by a clear blue sea. _The third phase of the exam?_ I thought.

''Apologize for the long wait.''

I opened my eyes to a bright-lit room and closed off my aura nodes. My brother stopped his snoring and promptly jumped to his feet. When he saw me, his eyes brightened his gaze shifted towards the window beside me and leapt to his feet and plastered himself like a monkey to peer out of the sunny window.

''We will be arriving at our destination.

''Wow! Is that were the third exam will be held?'' Gon said, awed.

''Is it an island?'' I asked, smirking. He tilted his head to the side then glanced down at me over his shoulder, looking confused.

''Island? Nope! It's a…'' he looked out again. ''A tower!'' With wide eyes, I pulled myself up and gazed out the window.

''Hmm…'' I hummed while thinking about the dumbbell island I saw from my cards. _Maybe that's supposed to be the fourth exam site._ I thought.

''Gin! Let's go!''

''… Hm.'' I said and stretched. Tapping my head, I smiled when it felt better – a lot better than before. In fact, my felt as light as a feather! ''Meditation helps…'' I muttered.

When I looked up, Gon was already bouncing on his feet, gazing from window to window, overly excited. I slowly pulled on my black boots and smoothed the crinkles on my clothes in vain.

''Gin! Let's go!'' He called again.

I smiled. ''Yes. Yes.''

As we joined the departing crowd, I kept an eye out. Gon tugged my hand and held it firmly. I turned to him. ''Feel better, sis?'' he asked, his eyes worriedly scrutinising my face.

I smiled and gave him a thumbs up. ''Yes! Thank you, Gon.'' I squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

''…Gon! There you are!'' I coughed.

''Eh… You're here too. Thought you'd be sick longer.'' He said though his tone was devoid of any guile. In fact, if I look closely, I realise that his face looks softer. _Don't get fooled! This guy can rip hearts out in a sec!_ I smirked at the tiny voice inside me.

''…And you're back being weird, too. Ah… _What a pain._ '' He complained with his hands deep in his pockets. This time, I full-out laughed.

''…''

''Uh… Shall we go?'' Gon asked with an unsure smile.

* * *

I inhaled the sweet fresh air and exhaled. I arched my back and proceeded to do some stretching.

''Oho! Someone's feeling better!'' I turned and grinned at Leorio. Beside him, as usual, was Kurapika. I met them halfway and before I can decide against it, I hugged Leorio around his waist and squeezed. He froze for a second in surprise before relaxing and ruffling my hair. Hiding my blush, I threw myself next to Kurapika who readily and gently held me in his arms. I was just at the right height for my ear to be right against his chest. I bit my lip to stop my smile from getting any wider and listened at the serene beating of his heart.

''Ahem. Everyone the third exam is going to happen here at the top of the trick tower. You have 72 hours to reach the base of the tower alive. I will pray for your success'' Said the secretary of Hunter association. My lips twitched and I tightened my hold on…. I jumped away, face reddening. Somehow, I forgot to let go of Kurapika.

''S-sorry.'' I whispered, looking away. I heard him chuckle.

''No problem.'' He whispered softly back.

Killua shrugged after Gon gave him a questioning look. I took a step beside the silver-haired boy and smiled. He looked away. My smile fell.

''Good luck everyone!'' Shouted Mr. Bean from a microphone as the ship flew away.

I joined and kneeled beside my brother and looked down from the top of the trick tower. ''Uh…'' I scooted backwards a bit. _That was high!_

''A-are we supposed to climb down?'' Leorio asked uneasily.

''That will be suicide.'' Replied Kurapika. I nodded.

''Huh… To amateurs like you, maybe. But for people like me…'' we all turned to see a tall and muscled man, probably at his late 20s. He was number 86 and he had his arms crossed at us, looking so arrogant.

I raised an eyebrow. ' _People who smirk like that often end up dead'_ I thought but watched the man as he started climbing down, faster and faster every time. ''Huh. It seems like I'll reach the ground the fastest.'' He bragged.

My ears perked up and I turned towards the sound of flapping wings and bird cries. My eyes widened. ''Oy! Old man! Come back up!'' Every one turned to me. The man stopped for a moment. ''I… I don't think that's the right way up. Come back up.'' I added more calmly. I blinked as the older man just smirked and resumed his way down.

''Huh. Stop squeaking, squirt. I will reach the end before anyone else—''

 _Squawk!_

Everyone turned towards the sound. I gasped as suddenly, large bird-like creatures started flying rapidly around the tower. The older man glanced up to _me_ , eyes desperate and scared. He looked at me as if I can do anything to help him. ''H-help…'' his voice broke but he didn't move. He was frozen in his place.

''Come back up! Now!'' I ordered, leaning down, my hands gripping tightly at the edge of the tower.

''He-help!'' The man managed to move his hand as if to climb back up when a large fanged mouth came flying up, swallowing him. The sight stole my breath away, literally.

' _'_ _HELPPPP!_ '' We all stared dumbly after the departing flock of giant birds. His cried eventually faded out.

''Uh… I guess no climbing down for us.'' Leorio said.

''Uh.'' Agreed Kurapika.

I blinked and looked around. I frowned. Something was wrong because there were fewer people at the top of the tower. And people were walking around, knocking and looking down at the floor. I stared at them.

 _Secret passage?_ I looked up, meaning to ask Kurapika when I found him a few feet away with Leorio. I looked for Gon and found him with Killua. Feeling a little bit left out, I walked towards my brother.

''Gon.'' I called and took a few steps towards the boys when… _''_ _Kyaaaaa!_ ''

The floor below me suddenly gaped open and I fell. ''Gi—''

''Ahh!'' I landed on my bottom on something painfully hard that could only be a floor. I dumbly stared at the hard floor beneath me for a moment and then up. _What… What… What just happened? What… OMYGOD!_

* * *

Killua blinked while Gon stood up, arms outstretched. ''Gin!'' he shouted in shock as he watched his sister drop and disappear in front of him. With large steps, he kneeled on the floor where Gin had disappeared into and knocked. ''Gin!'' He called out again. When no one answered back, he then stared at his friend, mouth open and completely horrified.

''D-did…''Killua started, blue eyes wide in disbelief. ''Did she just say… ' _Kyaaaaa!?'_

Gon stared for a two seconds more at his friend then he shut his mouth. He swallowed. His throat dry. He looked down at the floor.

''S-she did.'' He nodded, voice breaking and big brown eyes affixed on the floor. Then, his face lifted up to a dopey smile. '' _Gin's so cute_ _…''_ was all he said.

* * *

''Oh?''

 _This must have what a sheep will feel when it finds itself in a cage with a tiger._

I froze, literally. I felt the blood in my veins freeze up and suddenly, the room felt even colder. Like a doll, I, most hesitantly, and shakily turned my stiffed neck to the side. To that side where I heard that familiar slick and cold voice. I swallowed and watched him take note of it.

''…Hisoka.'' He grinned without showing teeth, as innocent as a snake, tilting his head to the side.

 _You know, this would have been very funny if it wasn't me at the receiving end._

* * *

 _Author's note: Life is so full of plot-twists. *Sigh*_

 _Here's another update because I love Gin! What do you think?! Thanks everyone! To Every Shadow has its twin, well, you just have to keep on reading! I'm glad you find it interesting! Any thoughts about it? To havanatitiana, thank you for your review! I thought about your review and I think you're right! He was really mean, wasn't he?! I hope you like this chapter. There isn't much Killuaxgin but if ya squint, it's there ;) And if you'll squint harder, you may guess what Killua dear is thinking! Hahaha. To animagirl, hey girl! (assuming you are a girl LOL), Hahaha! Maybe I'll write an extra or something (wink)._

 _Thanks so much for your reviews! They keep me going and I'm glad people are following and favouriting the story! I hope you enjoy this chapter because I am grinning here like an evil goddess! HAHAHAHA Oh dear, so much for avoiding, Gin! Don't you just love the quote above? I think it fits this chapter well! BWAHHAHHA_

 _If you were Gin, what would you guys do?! Tell me! What do you think will happen after?! Tell me!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D,_


	13. Chapter 12 - SINS

**Chapter 12 – Forgive me father for I have sinned**

 _''_ _I loved you at your darkest'' ~ Romans 5:8_

* * *

Hisoka, sociopath murderer who lives for the adrenaline and _fun_ of killing. He loves fighting strong opponents and those he deemed 'worthy'. He played examiner with my brother and passed him. Why? Probably because of my brother's charms and determination. I could guess that the main reason that my brother is still alive and survived is because Hisoka wanted to wait until my brother is 'worthy'.

Now, I've thought about this kind of situation (having a face off with Hisoka) but briefly because I was determined and deluded myself that it will not happen. I mean, who would expect themselves to land in a room/cage with Hisoka in it?!

 _I swear, whoever's above everything hate me._

I need to appear good, but not good enough (which is like super breezy). Therefore, I need to fight and look like Gon? No. No. I need to make him see my potential…

We stared at each other for I don't know how long. Until I snapped out of my thoughts and stood up. I checked my ankles and legs and found nothing amiss. I sighed in relief. Consider that I survive the next 72 or less hours, I'll be fine.

I determinedly ignored the psychopath in the room and stared expectantly at the speaker. I frowned and scanned the surroundings for a camera. It's impossible that there isn't any. I closed my eyes and listened.

 _Buzz…._ I opened my eyes and turned my head to the sound where the soft and small buzzing was coming from. I stared at it. Nothing happened and I felt even more anxious. No, scratch that. I feel awful. Like there's something heavy in my chest.

 _A heart is such a heavy burden. And yet, something no one can live without._ As long as I had this feeling, I'm alive.

Still ignoring his cold stare, I walked towards a small round glass table standing in front of the silent speaker. There was another watch there. Last one. I examined the watch. There was an X and O. I took a sniff. It didn't smell like gunpowder – just pure metal. But then again, I don't know how a nuclear weapon smells like.

He let out an amused, cold chuckle. I stiffened. ''I think we're supposed to match, Gin-chan.'' I closed my eyes tight and controlled my breathing. Predators like him can smell fear. I need to stay strong. _For myself._ An image of my brother flashed in my head, of Mito, of Grandmother Abe and my new group of friends – Killua, Kurapika and Leorio… _For them…_

I turned, face flat and stoic. I gazed at his exposed arm. They were pale and corded with strong muscles. There, at his right, was an identical bracelet.

Hesitantly, I removed my gaze from him and down to my arm and strapped my bracelet. I waited for him to move. He waited for me to move, still armed with that snake-like grin.

As the minutes ticked by, I ignored how the hairs on my arms stood up when he let out, either by accident or on purpose, a wave of excited killing intent. I tensed, fingers itching to reach for my twin blades.

It happened fast. But after watching so many fight scenes, I knew he'd appear behind me. _Seriously, that's like every villain's first move._

This placed me to an advantage. Lightning fast, I pulled out my twin knives and leapt away to the other side of the room. My legs tensed and with bared teeth, I attacked him full on. My legs and thighs were agile and they sprung me towards him with the fastest speed I've ever let myself do. I slashed and cut and stabbed and he calmly dodged everything. Still, I continued to cut him left and right. I roared and threw a flying kick at him with all my might. My leg met nothing but air.

Just as gravity started to pull me down for the nth time, I felt a rush of air and that most awaited strike from him. He had leaned back just as he avoided another slash from my blade. His right shoulder tensed.

 _He's right-handed._ I thought. _And's going to aim for my stomach._ Even though I knew it was coming, I was unable to stop it.

It was the first time I got punched and the feeling felt like I was going to throw up my insides. Saliva leaked and flew out my mouth as he the landed a clean hit at my poor empty stomach.

I landed on my hands and knees, coughing. My eyesight blurring and darkening. From my position, I saw his shoes. I couldn't help but smirk at the sight of a large blob of my spit there.

'' _Not bad.''_ He commented from above.

I jumped away and threw two consecutive knives at him. He danced away from them with a smile. His eyes fixed on me. I concentrated at ignoring his sick grin and proceeded on throwing at him. After another two knives, my eyes widened when he caught them easily. My heart thudded loud in my ears. _I will need to dodge them. Attack first and dodge. You can't freeze!_ I told myself, glad that I was still able to think.

I zoomed in just as he started spinning my throwing knives between his fingers. They made a spinning circle. Without thinking, I activated my _Nen_ and concentrated on killing him. _Kill. Kill. Kill._ A dark wave of killing intent flowed out of my aura nodes and shocked the magician.

I watched as the spinning circles slowed and he openly gaped at me. Still clutching my twin knives, I let go of one from my left in a flash of dark metal. He dodged but not fast enough. I heard him make a soft sound just as my serrated combat knife made slight contact with his ear. I felt a wave of triumph and let myself grin at seeing him bleed.

 _If it can bleed, it can die._ I thought.

I landed crouched on the floor, determined not to let him rest or myself rest, I hopped up again to attack, my _Nen_ gone. I passed my knife from my right hand and my left caught it just as I my peripheral vision saw a flash of blade.

 _Schwing!_ Two blades clashed.

I groaned, gritting my teeth as I caught his other wrist just in time to stop my own blade in his hand from stabbing me at the neck. My arms shook and I heard myself growl. Our eyes met again – yellow eyes to my dark brown ones. He was still grinning now, more wickedly than before and his eyes were wide and blazing. I didn't let myself think whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Using his hand as leverage, I lifted my legs and blocked his upcoming leg with my feet which was about to hit me between the legs.

 _Bastard!_

I pushed at his leg and flipped over, dropping my blade and quickly to move my left hand to grip at his strong wrist that held the knife. My hand barely managed to wrap around his pale limb. I kicked angrily but missed his face. My feet touched his chest and I pushed myself off him, leaving two dirty shoe-marks on his costume.

I let out a loud gasp as I felt a sharp pain at the corner of my small ears just as my feet landed on the floor. My eyes widened again and I bent my back to avoid another knife coming straight to my face. My hand touched the ground.

I pushed myself up and gave out a broken scream when I saw Hisoka right in front of me, grinning like a mad maniacal clown. Before I can move, his hand shot out and grabbed me by the neck. I choked and uselessly kicked at him. My legs slowly left the floor.

'' _Oh…_ '' He purred and let out an evil giggle. I held and clawed at him. He smiled even wider when my nails raked the pale skin of his arm, resulting to thin bleeding gashes.

'' _Oh… Amazing! Amazing! Oh, Gin-chan… Such lovely eyes you have…''_ He drawled. His hand tightened and I glared at him.

''F-ff uh…F-ck ooff-uh…''

'' _Hmm?_ '' He tilted his head to the side and smiled.

''Ugh…'' I wiggled my feet, trying to kick him but it was hard when someone's forcing your tongue out and you're out of breath, and you don't know which from you'll die first, lack of air or a broken neck.

 _I can't believe I'm dying again._ A thought crossed my mind as I struggled. _Although, this time, I am actually staring at death before he took my life. At least it's Hisoka! The man who's been making clowns look bad since… forever._

Despite myself, I felt my face twist into a sick smile, almost mirroring his own. My pale hands, though not as pale as his continued its angry lacerations to his arm. I choked again then giggled. _Death was so quick last time, I didn't even get to see his face!_ His grip slackened.

Suddenly, I was on the floor, holding on to my abused neck with my knives scattered uselessly around us. I coughed as my lungs tried its best to recover its job. I wiped at the wet drool on my chin.

 _No death yet?_ I laughed humourlessly as my eyes started to sting. I bit my lip to muffle my tasteless laughter. _I, Gin Freecs, secret reincarnated soul, future cosplayer, just told Death to fuck off._

Crouching, Hisoka pulled my chin up and pulled my face closer to his. I scowled at him. His yellow eyes stared deep into my eyes as if looking for something. I didn't even bother fixing my breathing. _Let him smell my bad breath. I forgot to brush this morning, by the way._ I grinned and my shoulders shook.

''…''

''You're a little mad, aren't you, young lady?'' He drawled out, eyes glittering and the snake-like smile back on his pale, heavily made up face.

I stopped my silent laugh. ''..Speak for yourself. ''I spat out, voice cracking due to my previously antagonised throat. He grinned and licked his lips. I licked my dried ones by instinct.

''Someone wise told me it's okay to be mad, you know.'' I told him flatly and for some crazy reason, I leaned closer to his bleeding ear. '' _All the best people are.''_ I whispered. Our eyes met. Then, he smirked and I laughed, highly and as darkly entertained at our predicament.

Because I was still alive and here I was, whispering to a crazy psychopath like we're friends.

I passed.

* * *

Hisoka waited for me by an open doorway that I failed to notice a while ago. I don't even want to think about why he was waiting but I sure took my time picking up my scattered weapons. I tilted my head and scrutinised one of my bloodied knife. It was mine.

 _Baptised with my own blood._ I shrugged. _Seemed fitting._ I wiped the blood off using my scarf then placed the knife back its sheath then I continued picking up my weapons. The last weapon I picked out was my lone twin knife which had been deeply embedded between a gap on the wall. I wiggled and pulled it free. The edges of it was bloodied too. _Hisoka's._

 _Baptised with the blood of an enemy._ I thought and carefully wiped it off. When I was finished, I scanned the room for my bag, stopping when the smiling magician held it in front of him like a proud parent.

My eye twitched and crossed our distance. I reached out to grab my bag but he lifted it high up. _What the heck?!_ I raised an eyebrow up at him, lips curled in disdain. He just smiled wider and pushed me around. I felt him raise one strap of my backpack and I muffled my groan. _Bastard, who does he think he is? My father?!_

Hesitantly, while deliberating _'what if he kills me while my back is turned and what if he's planning something vile,_ I pushed my arm inside the strap and inside the other. Then, I stepped forward and around to face him.

''…Has anyone told you, you are _so_ creepy?'' I said, in a flat voice.

Hisoka tilted his head to the side and smiled innocently. '' _Hmm…_ No one really.'' He said.

My eyes widened and I gaped at him. ''What?! Seriously?''

He giggled then swiftly ran a sharp card on one side of my face. I stiffened and felt warm blood slowly tickled down my face. _I didn't see that coming._

He watched me with sick fascination. ''They don't get to talk much after I started.'' He said, voice dropping to an overly sweet tone. I swallowed and grimaced.

''…They probably say it behind your back.'' I told him with a small nod, ignoring the twinge of pain on my face. I carefully touched my bleeding face. I winced when my finger made contact with the cut area. ''You just destroyed my future as a magazine model.'' He chuckled.

I saw his hand move towards me so I successfully stopped him with a knife. We stared at each other – I, telling him to back off silently and my lips contorted to a sneer while him, I don't really know.

 _Only_ _God knows what awful things are going round his head!_

Eventually, he let his arm dangle at his side, card gone. I fought not to shiver at the feeling of his malevolent aura and the fact that his face twisted to a sadomasochistic smile.

I didn't pause to think. ''You know, you really should learn to mask your face.'' I told him, serious.

He looked down, looking a little surprise. '' _Hm?''_

''Your face is an open book.''

He grinned then bent down at the waist. His face was too close to my liking but I stayed my ground, even though my knees are really weak and my heart was beating so loudly and quickly in my ears.

' _'_ _Then_ …'' he purred. My stomach churned like its being enveloped slowly by acid. _Bad idea! Bad idea! Bad idea! Keep your blank face on!_

''…You know what I'm thinking then, Gin- _dear_?''

My hand tightened around the hilt of my knife and I willed my knees to stop shaking and steel themselves because another fight might break out in another second. And I don't know if I'll survive it.

 _You idiot! You should just keep quiet and be a good girl and not attract his attention!_

 _That's so f*cking impossible when we're basically in one room, stupid!_

I sighed, eyes down casted and slumped my shoulders, depressed. _I can't believe I'm fighting my own self. If this continues, I'll be Hisoka, the 2_ _nd_ _._ I gasped at the thought, hands slapping at my cheeks. ''No… No… No…'' I shook my head madly. ''Oh my god, that's _AWFUL!_!''

A male laugh snapped me out of my frantic reverie. I stared up at him dumbly. Then, I glowered. ''WHAT?!''

He crouched again so our faces were parallel to each other. ''…You… '' He patted my head. ''Grow up and become a wonderful Hunter.'' He told me, almost kindly and I would take it as it sounded, if not for the sinister glow in his golden eyes.

He stood and left the room. I looked around and followed when the door groaned and started closing.

* * *

We've been walking for hours in the gloomy corridor and I'm growing tired of it. I can't relax. Not when I am basically walking beside a walking psychotic murderer who will kill anyone who breathes the wrong way for him. He walked fast, too. But I can keep up, of course. I just needed to jog to catch up with his long legs.

At last, we stopped in front of a door. There was a question or a choice – fight (X) or not (O). Without another word, Hisoka pressed X. I closed my eyes as I felt him, waiting for me. _I wonder what happens if I say, not?_

''Press X, Gin- _dear_.'' He said.

I glowered up at him. ''Don't call me that!''

He tilted his head to the side, smiling. But I noticed his clenched jawline and the fact that he felt hungry. Hisoka was itching to fight. Without another word, I pressed X.

I took a step back behind the magician and pulled my weapons out as the door slowly opened up. Hisoka stepped in and I followed, not very far but not too close to him, either.

I sensed him before I saw him. A man was sitting cross-legged in the shadows. Hisoka stopped and the room darkened again as the door shut close. I watched as one by one, the candles were lit by a green flame.

''I've been waiting for you, Hisoka.'' The man rasped out, hungrily at Hisoka. ''I'm not an examiner this year. I'm here for revenge.'' He stood up. He still hasn't noticed me. I inwardly shook my head.

 _He won't stand a chance against Hisoka._

''Since last year, all I've focused was killing you.'' I started as he pulled out a wicked looking blade. _Woah!_ It gleamed at me. ''Today I'll get payback. FOR MY SCARS!'' He brandished his weapon towards us. He still hasn't noticed me.

 _Scars?_ I thought. And that's where I noticed that he has indeed scars on his face. To be honest, they didn't seem bad. It actually looks hot. I shook my head. Poor man, doesn't know anything about hotness, scars and girls.

''Hmph. Those scars merely show that you were an incompetent examiner. You are simply blaming me for your own inadequacies,'' answered Hisoka.

 _He's going to die here._ I realised.

''Ha! I see you haven't killed the girl, Hisoka. Going soft?'' He taunted and I froze in my place. My legs tensed, ready to bolt away. The scarred man started spinning two blades.

 _Dual wielding?_ I thought.

''Dual wielding?'' I heard Hisoka say to himself. I blinked.

Then, he threw them to the air and took out another two similar looking blades. I was half amazed and half scared.

 _''Infinite quad wielding!''_ the other man roared. ''Take this!'' I gasped as two blades came flying and Hisoka pounced and did an awesome flip to avoid the two spinning blades. He floated in air for a second in between the spinning blades before landing back to his feet.

The problem only was that the blades came right at me. ''…Allow me to help you with her, HISOKA!''

I jumped to the air, successfully avoiding the two blades. My breath got caught in my throat as I heard two others coming nearer at me but then there's nowhere to run. I screamed, dropping my knives just as I heard and then felt two blades spinning and eating at the skin of my waists. I dropped down on my hands and knees just as the scream died at my throat.

''I'm not done yet!'' I heard him yell and heard more blades singing towards me. They were too quick to stop so I tried to dodge like what Hisoka was doing. I cried out again as my leg got caught. I dropped on the floor. I gasped as another blade wounded my shoulder.

I started feeling cold. I looked down and saw my bloody hands.

Gon's bright smiling face flashed in my mind.

' _'_ _Gon_ … _Help me_ , Gon..'' I closed my eyes and whispered. I held onto my bleeding shoulder, trying to stop it from bleeding out.

'' _It hurts… It hurts… It hurts…''_ I felt warm tears running down my face and once they started to fall, I cannot stop them anymore. One blade came breezing past me, smelling of blood. I gasped.

 _''_ _D-dad_ … _Ging_... _Ging_ …''

The man laughed. ''Awh…Poor girl. Daddy's not here to help ya!'' He commented. ''Up, down, left and right, Hisoka! You can only dodge!''

...

 ** _'_** ** _Poor girl',_** a voice whispered in my head **. '** ** _He called you a Poor girl with no daddy. Daddy left you. Daddy doesn't love you. He doesn't care. You'll die here…'_** a voice taunted.

I stilled and fearfully looked around. **_'Another is coming! Both of them. Left and right. He is going to cut your head off with it! Stand up! Run away! Quick! He's going to kill you!_**

 _But why? I've done nothing wrong! But why?_

 ** _'_** ** _It doesn't matter! Kill him! Or you die! It's coming! CATCH IT! THEN KILL HIM! CATCH IT!'_**

I hugged myself and tried to comfort myself. I thought maybe if I curl into myself and close my eyes, it wouldn't happen or if it did, it will hurt less.

...

 _ **'**_ _ **Remember that void?'**_ An image of a lone dark mirror in the middle of nothing appeared in my mind's eye. I stared at the void inside it. My head jerked as unintelligible whispers started to chant around me, growing louder and louder. My vision blurred and darkened.

' _ **Use me'.**_ She whispered like a woman seducing her lover, promising him the things they'll do so long as he comes to her.

 _ **'Closer… Come here.'**_ I leaned in. My breath hitched as I saw my own face from the mirror; pale was my face and my eyes completely black. Her face twisted to sympathetic expression. She shook her head slowly. She cooed;

 **'** _ **Daddy's not here, Big brother Gon's not here. But I am. You don't need them.**_ _ **I**_ _ **can keep you safe…'**_

Something within me uncoiled. The girl in the mirror reached out. My hands caught something cold and then they turned red.

The next thing I knew, I was stabbing someone's chest and my hands were very warm even when I was cold. I stopped and my blurred gaze focused on a man's face. His mouth was wide open in a silent scream and there were tears running down his eyes. His chest gaped open under me.

 **'** _ **Daddy's not here. Big brother Gon's not here. But I am… I will keep you safe.'**_ The voice whispered one last time and the shadows receded.

* * *

I stood up slowly, staring down at the mutilated corpse at my feet. I blinked and turned towards where the only light was coming from. A red-haired man, Hisoka was standing, leaning on the wall beside the door. His face slowly emerged out of the shadows, grinning like Joker.

''Finish?'' His voice slithered into my senses.

I blinked, dried blood coated and framed my tired eyes and my throat was unbelievably dry as parchment.

I limped towards the light, thinking about what I've just done and what it meant and what should I say to Gon.

''Number 405, Gin Freecs, is the first one to arrive the base! Time: Four hours and 59 minutes!''

''Number 44, Hisoka, is the second to arrive at the base! Time: Five hours!

I took a deep breath and shivered. I weakly reached out and used the wall as leverage to walk around. I stopped a good feet away from the red-haired magician. I let myself fall slowly on my bottom. Breathing heavily, I looked around my whirling world and tried my best to steady myself.

 _I have wounds to tend to._ I thought. _I'd bleed out if I don't stitch them. Need to stay awake. Hisoka's here!_ I thought as my eyes started to droop. _I want to go home..._

Then, I knew nothing

* * *

Hisoka brought his hand to his face – first to cover his eyes then his mouth. He bit his lip hard. He was turned on. So badly. It was _so so hard_ to control himself right now. Even more so after the little fight they had. He thought she had so much potential then, but now... His whole being quivered and it took his _everything_ to stop himself to devour that little girl this very instant - asleep or not. This hasn't happened before... this kind of hunger, this kind of desire to kill even though the said opponent is vulnerable at the moment. He had always been patient...

He had planned to satisfy his blood lust with Togari but... He glanced at the unconscious girl on the other side of the room.

She went there as if it could stop him. As if it would make any difference.

 _Ah…what innocence._

 _Gin…_ Even her name was erotic. It took his breath away and tickled the palate of his mouth so sinfully with his tongue. Her name sounded and echoed in his mind with such painful pleasure, desire and the sweet torture of being left wanting more.

Licking his lips, he walked towards her, her backpack in hand.

He let out a soft moan. He found her deep in sleep on her side, exhausted after accidentally releasing her _Nen_ _twice._ Her small, agile hands still held Togari's blades, still red and dripping with his blood. He smiled, they suited her very fine. And her hair... she looked older with them down like this.

He had stopped himself from touching her too suddenly by gripping his right hand tight with his left. His right hand itched and twitched, wanting to seize her hair and pull until he hears her whimper - in pain, in pleasure or both, will no doubt be delightful.

He felt and tasted the coppery sweet taste of blood on his lips. He didn't stop biting. _That Nen… What is it? She must be specialist. With proper training, how far could she go?_ He thought excitedly. With a trembling hand, he pushed the girl's teared clothes away and peeked at the wound on her shoulder.

Instead of a few minutes old, what he saw on her blood-tainted pale skin was a cut that looked a few weeks old. He caressed the blood off her neck, revealing smooth skin. He frowned and leaned in when he saw old scratch marks. Then, remembering her sudden display of darkness - that sweet mad laugh, that lithe little body arching and twisting, that groan of pleasure she undoubtedly felt after the kill, all her bitterness coming out to play, the redhead shivered. His fingers twitched, wanting…

 _''Someone wise told me it's okay to be mad, you know. All the best people are''_ Hisoka grinned, licking his bloody lips.

Fisting his hands, he stood up and forced himself to walk away. After adjusting his pants, he couldn't help but stare at his fingers then to the girl in the same room as him, completely vulnerable. He wondered if they'll come bursting in if he … _No. He needs to control himself. Not yet… She's still not strong enough! He needs to wait. In the meantime, he can always use other means to satisfy himself._ He smirked. _Yes. He can. There are enough distractions here._

He licked his fingers and muffled a groan. _Gin..._

* * *

 _''Kurapika, applicant #404, is the twentieth to pass,''_

 _''Killua. Applicant #99, is the twenty-first to pass,''_

 _''Gon, Applicant #406, is the twenty-second to pass-''_

 _''—Total hours, Seventy-one hours and fifty-nine minutes!''_

''My butt hurts!'' Killua complained. ''I didn't expect a slide for the short and easy path.'' he added, then looked around, waiting for a girl to start shouting ' _Gonnnn!'._ He frowned when nothing happened.

Gon smiled and turned to Kurapika. ''That was really close, right!?''

Kurapika looked down to his hands. ''My hands are covered with blisters.''

''…Same here!''

Then, the announcer spoke again. _''Leorio, applicant #403 is the twenty-third to pass! Tonpa, applicant #16 is the twenty-fourth to pass! Total time – Seventy-one hours and fifty nine minutes!''_

''…My hands are blistered but all of us made out together!'' Leorio said then ruffled Gon's head. ''All thanks to Gon!''

Killua turned to the group and opened his mouth.

 _''A-hem!_ '' Someone coughed. The group turned to see Hanzo, the bald ninja.

''Yo! Gon, right?'' The ninja smiled a little. At this, Gon stepped forward and nodded.

''Name's Hanzo.'' Then Hanzo's expression turned solemn before pointing towards a lone motionless figure from the other side of the room. Gon's smile fell and all of his warm happiness evaporated.

''G-gin? Gin!'' The boy sprinted towards his sister, closely followed by their friends. ''Gin?'' His hand hesitated before he lifted his sister's head off the floor. There wasn't any part of her body that wasn't somehow dirtied with blood.

Gon held his breath and waited for his twin sister to breath. When she did, he sighed shakily and tried to brush her face.

''She's covered in blood.'' Killua said, eyes looking down at the two bloodied blades beside Gin's bag, then back to the girl. ''The blood looks old. It doesn't look like they're all hers, though.''

Leorio kneeled on the other side of the unconscious girl. He carefully slid his hand to count her pulse. ''Her pulse and breathing is normal. She's a little warm but aside from that…'' His eyes travelled and widened when he saw Gin's waistline. He uncovered the severely rip area of her bloody shirt to find only a scratch

''I arrived here fourth and found her like that already.'' The boys looked up at the number. Then, that could only mean...

''...At first, I thought she was just sleeping but after about 3-4 hours of not moving at all, I came in to check, you know… if is she's even alive.'' The ninja looked down at the sleeping girl, worried.

''I tried waking her up multiple times but she didn't even move! So, I just cleaned her face and hands a little. She was covered with blood.'' He told them gravely and his eyes darted to the deadly blades he had removed from the girl's tight grasp.

''Thank you,'' Kurapika replied gratefully despite of being a little suspicious.

The ninja grinned genuinely. ''Don't worry. She was fine and no one touched her at all. Pokkle, the Amori brothers kept watch too. They seem worried, though no one will admit that.'' Hanzo took a step back. _We are in a hunters exam, after all._

''Please send our thank you when you see them before us.'' Kurapika spoke again and bowed. ''Thank you very much, Hanzo-san.''

The ninja scratched his face, blushing a little. ''No problem. It's my ninja way!'' He made to turn when Kurapika called again. He glanced over his shoulder expectantly. ''Huh?''

''If you don't mind me asking, who were already here when you arrived?''

The ninja's face fell into that of understanding. By this time, the room was already empty.

''Hisoka, Gittarackur and her.'' The boys stiffened, completely horrified. Their minds coming up with different scenarios. All possibilities could only be awful.

Hanzo took note of the horrified state of the girl's friends and with a small polite nod, he walked out.

Gon held his sister's warm and sticky hand. ''Gin….'' Tears started to well up in his eyes. He knew it. He knew it. He should've been there... He knew there might be something wrong. He felt it the way her face kept popping up in his head. He was worried. But he thought... He thought she'll be fine! She's Gin! His sister!

' _'A-hem._ _Please leave the room already everyone. We will now explain the fourth phase_.'' The announcer spoke from the speakers.

Leorio handed his suitcase to Kurapika and lifted the small girl to his arms. He checked to make sure the girl was comfortable against his chest before glancing down at Gon who was looking down at the floor.

Killua picked up her backpack and slid them on his back then he picked up the sharp weapons. He tested their grip and weight. A bit too large and heavy. They could only belong to a man. One with bigger hands and a bigger body than Gin's.

He stepped forward to nudge his friend's slumped shoulder. ''Come on.'' He said.

When they got out, they all reflexively took a fresh breath of air.

''…Hisoka!'' shouted Killua and everyone tensed, leaping away from the dangerous applicant.

The magician was waiting by the door. He tilted his head to the side and smiled, the old cut on his lips cracked open and he openly licked them. He took a step closer. The boys stepped forward, to shield Leorio who was carrying their friend.

' _'Oh… I'm not here to fight._ '' He drawled out then his snake-like slit-eyes shifted to the sleeping girl. Leorio stiffened. _''Just thought you might need some help waking her up.''_

Gon's eyes widened, hope sparking in his eyes, the others not so much.

''We don't need your help,'' said the Leorio, hugging the sleeping girl closer to him.

Hisoka merely smiled wider. _''You don't. But she does.''_ He nodded to the sleeping girl. Then, the magician's eyes became half-lidded. He brought a hand to his hip and the other to his chest dramatically. ''She _needs_ me.'' He said, full of some incoherent emotion. But knowing the psycho, it couldn't be anything good. They all fought the shiver that raked their spines and tried to ignore how the hairs on their arms stood up. Tonpa, who had no desire to be included in the group and their problems, took careful steps back.

''You've been in that room for days, why not wake her then?'' The blonde Kurta found his voice first and narrowed his eyes.

''Gin- _chan_ needed her rest.'' The magician plastered a faux worried expression on his face. ''After all, she was very _exhausted_.'' Then, without warning, he _moved_.

Killua, Kurapika and Gon turned behind in panic.

''Gin!'' Leorio cried out when he found his arms empty.

The magician ignored the bristling boys and placed his hand on top of the girl's forehead. His hand tightening around the girl's small shoulder and he couldn't help the predatory grin etched on his face. He let out a small wave of _Nen_. The girl immediately woke up with a gasp like a drowning girl finally meeting air.

''Good morning, Gin- _chan._ Time's up!''

She breathed heavily. She opened her eyes and blinked up. ''…Hisoka?'' he nearly purred at her throaty voice, added with so much confusion and trust...

Upon realising that the crazy magician's face was inches away from hers, Gin's eyes widened, ' _Ohmygod, paedophile, pervert psychopath is like two thumbs away from my face!'_ And with a surprised snarl, she raised her hand, aiming to karate chop Hisoka's neck. But then he disappeared into a cloud of smoke after receiving the blow.

''Gin!'' yelled Gon and threw himself to his sister. The others eyed Hisoka who only waved at them innocently.

He had so many toys he can't choose which one to play with first! He eyed the twins and licked his lips. Though he knows which to save for last...

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Okay...Maybe Gin shouldn't have quoted the Mad Hatter to Hisoka. Got some references from Howl's moving castle and Alice in Wonderland in his chapter. This chapter is so difficult to write! And even though I've done writing it since yesterday, I was nervous to post it. Why? Because it's either really good or really bad and I hate to disappoint you guys... But please, if you have any criticisms, I'd still love to read them because they'll be good references in the future. Be gentle! Hahaha. Poor little baby got herself a psychotic stalker and she knows nothing! I thought very hard whether I should add Hisoka's and the third POV after Gin fainted but I didn't want to confuse anyone. Then I thought it might help if I did... Did it?_

 _I think a good story doesn't explain itself but let the readers interpret it for themselves :) So, what do you guys think of this chapter? Can you guess what's happening?_

 _havantitiana, thePlotbunntbreeder, aqualily, animagirl, everyshadow has its twin, trom, Nauta, maled and awesome guest = Well, this is it guys! Third phase! What do you think?! I wrote something for each one of you but fanfic didn't save them... But anyway, thanks so much for your kind reviews as always. Hahaha they keep me going and make me happy. Hope all of you enjoy this story as much as I like writing them. What do you think of her Nen? Of her interaction with Hisoka?_

 _Hunter X hunter is not mine! Only poor baby Gin._

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	14. Chapter 13 - Absolution

**Chapter 13 – Absolution**

 _''_ _Those who fight monsters should see to it that in the process they do not become monsters. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back at you.'' ~ Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

As much as I loved being in my brother's arms, breathing in his scent and feeling his warmth, we had to break up sooner or later.

After he let go of me, I finally felt the fresh breeze against my skin. I frowned because it didn't make me feel better. Instead, it made me feel worse. It highlighted how dirty, sticky and smelly I was. The wind brought and scattered my scent, bringing them up to my nose. It was dangerous. It will be easier for others to hunt me like this.

My eyes caught Killua's eyes when he stepped towards me casually – eyes blue as the sky and staring knowingly at me. _Of course, he's been an assassin since he can remember._ My eyes zeroed to the two bloody blades in his hands. My hand twitched and I tasted the bitter metallic taste of fear and blood in my mouth. _I really need to brush my teeth._

An image of myself popped into my head sitting on top of a man with my legs on each side of him. My hair were splayed out behind my face, being swayed by an invisible wind. The green light coming from the candles touching and dancing wildly on my bloodied skin. My eyes were devoid of any light, and my mouth was twisted up to a mad grin. No teeth. Just a black-hole.

''Oy, stop being an airhead and carry your own luggage!'' Killua stepped forward and threw my bag casually to me. I stared blankly down at its one bloodied strap. _Ah… I remember I was cut on my left shoulder._

I touched my left shoulder then frowned when it felt nothing but closed bulging skin. ''Did..did anyone stitch me up?'' I looked at the staring boys. I tilted my head to the side when none answered.

''You…were asleep for more than 2 days, Hanzo-san said.'' Gon said. ''He said you were fine…'' he added, tilting his head to the side. He was holding my hand, I realised.

 _Fine? I got beaten up by a pervert and psychopath murderer, ran for hours, then got involved in a fight that wasn't my fault! He tried to kill me just because he can! Even though I haven't done anything to him! That bastard! He deserved to die!_

''Calm down, Gin.'' I felt my brother's hand comfortingly on my shoulder. For the first time, I flinched away from his touch. He took his hands back as if burnt. I looked away from his hurt eyes. Something gleamed at me from the corner of my eyes.

I mechanically strapped my backpack on my shoulders. I reached out to Killua and he handed me _my_ new set of blades. I decided then that I will keep them.

A spoil of war. The prize of my victory. The cost of that man's life from my hands. My hands trembled slightly as I examined the dirty blades. My lips curled in dark amusement. I knew that there was a high chance of me killing someone in the exam. Not because I was strong enough to do so. But because of the opposite. I was weak. That's why I needed to be cruel.

But I didn't want to kill anyone. In fact, I planned not to kill anyone. But that man… That man wasn't mine to kill but so was I. I wasn't really his to kill. He wanted to kill Hisoka, not me. If he had just ignored me, I wouldn't have to kill him. Hisoka would have. And then I wouldn't be so dirty right now. I wouldn't feel so empty and numbed and scared of my own self.

Before I knew it, there were warm tears flowing out of my eyes. _The strong calculate how strong they are by the number of kills they've had and the number of weaklings there are. He wanted to kill me because I was there. And I was easy to kill. Even though I've never done anything to him. He just wanted it. He wanted to take pleasure from the idea of killing me._

''Gin…'' My brother stepped in front of me.

My hands clutched the hilt tighter. Gazing deeper at the tainted blades, I vaguely remembered licking them. I licked them whilst I was on top of him, and he watched. He watched with wide eyes, scared. _No….He was terrified. He knew he was going to die in my hands. A girl's hands._ But his pride as a hunter and as a man stopped him from begging for mercy. I saw it in his eyes. He was determined that he will not _plead to_ a girl to spare him. ' _Fool',_ I called him. Pride means nothing if you're going to die anyway. Not when you're stuck in a _void_ , floating, praying for forgiveness because you just want everything to stop. I hated him then. Because I know, I'd beg, I'd cry, I'd give my everything, just so I and the ones I love can live.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection from the blade and watched as my face fell. With wide, unblinking and unfeeling eyes, I caught myself grinning.

''Stop looking at me like that. Don't look at me.'' I told them softly, voice breaking because of my dried throat. I realised that Gon was trying to shield the sick grin on my face. _Is he ashamed of me?_ Before anyone could answer, I stepped out of the human circle they made around me. ''Don't approach me until I get cleaned.'' I walked away before they could stop me. Faintly, I heard Kurapika call my brother's name.

People parted away for me and I admit it felt a little good. I felt them _all_ looking at me, sizing me up. After all, I was all bloody and dirty. I passed a man with a monkey standing on his shoulder. As I got closer, the monkey started yelping at me, throwing punches to the air. His master held him off. To them, I was now a threat. I gripped the hilts tighter in my hands and shot the animal a sharp look - _Shut up or I'll kill you too._ It squeaked and quietened. I ignored the master's watching eyes.

 _And there goes my plan on blending in…_ My lips twitched.

I stopped when I found a quieter spot near the edge of the cliff and I ignored everything else and watched the sea. A breeze came, bringing the scent of salt and cold water.

 _I want to go home._ I thought.

Back to _Whale Island,_ where I was safe, where my brother was safe, where no one looked at me like I was a monster. There, they called me a genius. They called me kind. They called me an _angel_. There, I never felt strange. I never felt like I should control my breathing or try to calm my heart. Back there, no one, no one _wanted_ to kill me. Back there, I had control over my whole body. Here… people try to get it, invade my senses ad kill me because it would be _fun._ In _Whale Island,_ everyone helps each other. In here, they only want to kill each other.

 _Hunters are evil._ I realised. _They will kill for something they want. Ging is evil. He would leave his children for something else. He has killed before, undoubtedly. Gon…_

Far, far away, there was a copse of trees and a ship coming towards us. I remembered the dumbbell island – the fourth exam site. _Do I even want to become a hunter?_ I thought, and after thinking about it, I found the answer was yes. I need to become a hunter. Not for treasures, not for money, not for adventure. Only because if I don't, I will die. Easily. Because someone selfish wanted to kill, and I just happened to be in the area.

 _Hunters are evil. Kurapika is evil no matter how gentle he looks, Leorio is evil no matter how kind and caring he was, Killua is definitely evil (assassin, hello?) and my brother… he's evil too. They will do anything and everything to pass this selfish exam. For revenge, for money, for fun and for equally selfish fathers who abandon their children._

 _As for me, I will pass it to survive. Because aside from Gon who doesn't really need me but I can't help to love, I've got nothing else important than my life._

 _Yes… I'm selfish like that._ My shoulders started shaking, and a deep throaty chuckle came out from somewhere empty deep inside. I tilted my head up, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes at the feel of the warm sun on my face. _This is what I'm selfish for,_ I thought. I filled my lungs with crisp salty air and opened my eyes and turned to the rest of the group _. Why do they look like they made a group all against me?_ I felt a twinge in my chest. Massaging the area, I did a count.

It was amazing how few we were now. Before there were 406 applicants but now, there were 24?

My eyes met incidentally with Hisoka's yellow ones. I looked away and found the two examiners right in front. My face fell. I killed their friend, after all. _Were they watching?_ I straightened.

''My name is Lippo. Congratulations for escaping the tower. I shall now tell you the details of the fourth exam.'' Everyone shifted towards him. ' _'Zevil Island_. That's where you shall do the next test. I will explain the contents of the exam after we finish a draw.''

 _Zevil Island… Sounds ominous,_ I thought.

'' A draw?'' said someone. I took a deep shaky breath. Twenty-four applicants in one island. _Why does this feel like another death match?_

''We will start with the draw and in the order of how you reached base. Starting with the first one.'' The little four-eyed examiner said. His glasses shone and then showed his eyes which looked a little bit too big for his face. But they were fierce and made up for his slim and small height.

With those shark-like eyes, he looks really intimidating. I gulped. _I might have gone a bit way too over my head there. Maybe I should've tried blending in more and stayed with my brother._

A wave of malevolent aura licked at my spine. I started, shivered and turned sharply at Hisoka who was a few feet away, also alone. I glowered at him while he merely pointed forwards to the front smilingly. I turned and found two examiners – Lippo and a big man staring at me. _They don't look like they like me very much. In fact, something tells me they hate me._

''The first one!'' The small guy bellowed at me and I jumped. ''Oh! I'm sorry!'' I gasped and laughed nervously. I ignored how many of them stiffened and started whispering to each other.

''That's me!'' I touched my chest. ' _'Oops_!'' I exclaimed when to my surprise, the hooked knife I forgot that was in my hands slapped me on the face. Thank Goodness, it wasn't the sharp edge! I shook my head disapprovingly at it then ambled towards the front. I gathered both the weapons in one hand, taking note of how the two examiners' eyes lingered at them. I pointed at my temple, smiling apologetically.

''Sorry… I got lost in my own head for a bit.'' I thought that maybe if I act nicely they'll warm up to me, you know. Even though the chances are really close to zero. Their faces remained flat and stoic. My face fell a bit. _They hate me._

''Oh! Draws! I'm supposed to pick one! Sorry! Here we go!'' I picked one with a small smile and stiffened when a red light flashed around my wrist. When nothing happened, I pulled my lips to a smile again and bowed at the examiner. I walked away to the side, examining the card I got. Upon seeing a seal, I removed it.

''The second!'' Lippo shouted. Hisoka strolled forward.

#80. I looked around and found her. The cool woman with sunglasses and sniper.

''The third!'' My eyes left the woman towards the _green thing._ I watched as its head shook left and right rapidly while making continuous clocking sounds.

 _Is he even human?_ I thought, openly checking it out. I stared at his crotch for a bit.

 _Is it a man or woman? What is its name? Man, if he looks like that… I wonder how his parents must look._ I muffled my gasp by covering my mouth. _He doesn't have siblings, does he?!_

My eyes snapped to Hisoka who I noticed was now walking towards me, card in hand. I tensed. I noticed then that his left shoulder was wounded. His poor costume was ruined too. My two shoe marks still dark on his chest. I smirked. Without bothering if it was safe, I addressed him. ''We match.'' I told him, pointing at my dark red shoulder. His snake-like smile widened and he tilted his head to the side.

''So we do.'' He said, voice too sweet and happy. I gave him a suspicious look. _That could only mean trouble. What is this guy planning now?_

My eyes widened and searched for a small black and green bundle of joy. I found him, looking ahead. Beside him was Killua while Kurapika and Leorio were behind them. Killua's blue eyes zeroed at me as if feeling my gaze towards him. His eyebrows curled into one of disapproval when seeing who was beside me. Leorio noticed and turned to me. His eyes widened upon seeing the red-head then darted to myself, his usual laughing warm eyes, gone. Soon after, all the boys as well as my brother were looking at me. I looked away, crossing my arms over my chest. One blade was tucked under my arm while the other standing upright, its edge tickling my face.

They were an even number, I realised then – well balanced. Gon x Killua and Kurapika x Leorio. I froze. _Oh my god. I did not just think of them like that! Delete! Delete! Delete!_

A male chuckle disturbed my disturbed thoughts. I looked up to my right and found Hisoka looking at me with an everlasting smile on his face. His eyes were closed so I can't tell what he's thinking. _Probably something ten times more disturbing._

I was going to ask what he was doing here when I noticed the sorry state of his lips. The pale lips were swollen and there was a huge drying cut all over his bottom lip. ''What's happened to your lips?'' I asked, curious. I don't remember him getting punched at all. _Did I miss something?_

The creepy magician started letting out a wave of hair-raising and spine-tingling wicked intent. I took a step backward. ''Calm down! God! You're so leaky!''

''…Leaky?'' His golden eyes opened, glittering. I willed myself not to look away. You can't look away from a snake. You should always be on guard.

I wetted my dry, chapped lips and sighed when I realised I was dehydrated again. ''You're leaking that scary aura again.'' I told him, bluntly.

''…Aura?'' His voice adopted an even more slick and spicy tone. _Oops, dangerous topic, I thought._ ''What do you know about aura, Gin- _chan._ '' He leaned down. I bent backwards away from his scary face. I let my eye twitched and my lips to curl in disdain.

''Only that it's all around you, duh. For example, I,'' I pointed at myself using my new blade. ''I have an aura of… of… fragility and sophistication.'' I nodded and smiled at the empty air.

Hisoka arched a carefully plucked eyebrow. I felt his eyes travel down my body, then back up again. Some kind of alarm started ringing louder in my head. I ignored it. It's been ringing since I fell down that cage and found him there. ''Fragility and sophistication?'' he repeated.

I flipped my messy hair over my shoulder, scowling a little when my fingers got stuck midway because of a tangle. Hisoka leaned away when the sharp curling edge of my blade nearly sliced his face off. I inwardly smirked but acted like I didn't notice. When really, I was cackling like a witch deep inside. I removed my hand when the tangle won't yield due to it being dried up with… blood.

Then I tilted my chin up. ''Yes?'' I stared up expectantly at him. I glowered when he just stared. ''What?''

The smile on his face evolved into something resembling almost a true smile. Again, if not from the predatory look in his eyes. I thought for a moment that maybe that's just how his eyes have always looked and poor Hisoka's just misunderstood. You know, like those bad guys in Shoujo mangas.

I carefully observed every detail of his pale made-up face – those arching eyebrows, those long narrow smiling eyes, strong nose, full pale lips, heart-shaped face, _hmm… not bad. So what makes his face look so evil?_

 _The fact the he looks like a demon and that he preys on innocent, naïve little boys!_ I sighed then reprimanded myself, shaking my head slightly. _Not everyone who looks like a demon are demons! Don't judge books by covers! You don't know, maybe he rescues stray cats from rain time to time!_

I stared up to him again, looking for some good in him. No one was born evil after all. He licked his abused lips and stared back. The snake that chased and bit me at the ankle when I was six flashed in my mind. _Nope. I don't see it. He'll probably play with the poor kitten, earn its trust then kill it in the worst way possible._

 _Now that… I definitely see it._

'' You may now open your cards!'' My head turned sharply towards Lippo and then to everyone who removed their seals on their chosen cards. Biting my lip, I looked down guiltily at the already-opened card in my hand. _Oops…_

I made a show of removing an invisible seal and looked at the card again before looking around for number 80.

I started when I felt Hisoka's warm breath near my ear. I jumped away, lips curled into a silent snarl. The magician merely smiled innocently. ''Just curious who you got, Gin- _chan_.'' His voice slithered like the snake he was. An image of a pink and lavender snake popped into my head and I had to shake my head to ignore it.

''Hmph. It's a secret. Who did you get?''

''It's a secret.'' I cocked an eyebrow at the man.

''I'll show you mine…'' he started. His voice dropped into a coercing tone. I snorted inwardly at his futile attempt. I had been using that kind of tone to my brother for ages and I was basically a master at it. ''If you show me yours…'' _What if he got me? Well, we're still not on the island anyway. But this is Hisoka. He can cheat me anytime and anywhere he wants. He is a magician, after all. They are the masters of cheats._

''…Same time?'' I eventually conceded and he nodded.

#80, #384

Before I could stop it, I had already let out a sigh of relief. I looked around and found that everyone had removed their tags. So did number 80. I inwardly smirked. _Early bird catches the first worm!_

''Do you even know who this is?'' I asked him.

He only giggled. ''No.''

''Well… I guess that'd make things more _thrilling_ for you.'' I turned away from him and listened when the examiner started explaining.

''Yes! That's right. Your aim is to steal that person's tag and keep your tag. That will earn you 6 points in total. Three points for getting your target, and 3 points for keeping yours. Should you fail, another person's tag is worth one point. Of course, you are allowed to do any ways necessary to get your target's tag. You have one week in Zevil Island. Good luck.'' Lippo said with a dark, sadistic smile. _This guy has no heart at all. Can't he see many people's lives are at danger here?_ I thought.

 ** _Hunters are evil._** A voice whispered in my head. **'** _ **'They think this is fun.''** That_ voice, of course, was mine. Only a wee bit darker. I thought of the dark mirror I saw from my dreams and my reflection inside its bottomless depths, and shivered.

As we made our way to the ship, I turned to Hisoka again and asked him what _that man's_ name was. He smiled and bent to whisper in my ear. I heard him breathe in and out. I held my ground even though the urge to run away was strong.

'' _To-ga-ri, Gin-chan. Your first kill was called Togari.''_ I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat and walked as fast as my feet could take me away from him.

 _Togari_. I shall call these blades, _Togari_ , I thought. The pair of hook bill knives gleamed and winked at me. I saw his face and I felt extremely disgusted.

* * *

My brother soon found me alone. He approached me slowly at first. But when he didn't see me move, he crossed our distance then sat himself on my right. I continued staring at my new bloodied weapons.

I swallowed and felt my face crumple when later on, Gon leant his forehead to my temple. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and tried to control my breathing when the urge to confess became stronger.

''I love you, Gin.'' He whispered.

A shaky gasp left my mouth and my tears started falling down. My mind kept replaying to that part when I thought I was sure I was going to die again. The pain was _too_ awful and no amount of mental preparation was enough to ready myself for them.

''I was sure that my waists were ruptured open. I felt air inside. My ribs were exposed to everyone. Every time I cried and every time I breathed, I felt blood and my intestines slowly rushing and peeking out. My shoulder was wounded and my leg can't move because it was slashed so deep to the bone.'' I told him quickly before I lose all my courage to even tell him anything. I shifted my left leg, staring at the red-brown bandage.

God, I looked so disgusting.

 _''But still, I didn't want to die.''_ I hugged myself, still holding on _Togari's_ blades _. ''I didn't want to die…I didn't.''_ I whispered, tears dripping down to my exposed knees. ''Because then… I would have nothing. After I die, I will have nothing. No more Gon, No more Mito, No more granny, no more Kurapika, no more Leorio, no more Killua, no more oceans, no more wind...

''I called out for you…even though you can't come. Even though you can't hear me. I called…I called for _Ging_.'' His name came out as whisper.

 _''_ Even though he doesn't care. Even though he's too far. I prayed that someone will come to save me. But no one came. No one was going to help me, Gon.'' I wiped at the snot running down my nose and lips. ''There's only me.''

My head jerked as the scene replayed in my head. How I was so amazed at Hisoka's awesome flip, so ignorant that I was next. The surprise when I heard then felt the blades eating at the skin of my waists. I stiffened and dropped my weapons to clutch my throbbing waist, my shoulder followed, then my leg. _It's not there. It's not there anymore… It's gone… He's gone…_

''He wanted to kill me. Even though I didn't do anything.'' I gasped out, as I tasted the fear in my mouth – bitter. But I swallowed it like I've always done and continued my confession.

''I was just there and he wanted to kill me, because he can.'' My lips twisted into a humourless grin. ''Because that would make him feel better. He wanted to kill me because I was weak. And the strong preys on the weak.'' I turned to my brother, wiping my runny nose once again.

''How unfair is that, Gon? Why would he do that, Gon?'' My brother was crying silently, lips trembling, mirroring my own. In his bright brown eyes, I saw my reflection. _Disgusting!_ _Yuck! Dirty. Smelly._ I closed my eyes. I started breathing deeper to control my uneven breathing and the thundering in my chest. Wiping away my snot and tears, I choked briefly from my own spit. I tilted my shoulders back and gazed far ahead, seeing but not seeing.

''So I killed him. I killed a man, stabbed him until… until his whole chest gaped open. He was all bloody. His chest…they're so ugly. I completely destroyed his … sternum and all his ribs. His name was Togari. Those are his.'' I pointed at the knives. I reached out and grasped the hilts. ''Now they're mine.''

Gon said nothing _._ ''So, don't look at me like that, Gon.'' I can't help my voice when it broke. I pushed the tears again, face crumpling. ''Don't, don't look at me… Like that.''

Instead of answering, I felt his arm wrap around my shaking shoulders. His hand reached out to hold my face and he pulled me gently to his chest. I realised then when I gave in to him that my whole body was actually trembling. I breathed in his scent through my blocked nose. I chanted; _'I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to. I…I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. I thought… I thought I'd never see you again! I thought I was going to be nothing again. I thought… I thought I'd lose everything. Everything. And you'd leave me. And you'd forget me—''_

''I will never forget you, Gin.'' He whispered, planting his chin on top of my head. ''And I will _never_ look at you like anything else other than my sister. My beautiful, pretty, cute, smart, and _amazing_ sister whose name is _Gin_. Okay?'' Gon started caressing my hair and carefully untangled the knots. He stopped. ''Okay?'' I nodded. ''Come 'ere.'' He whispered and the next thing I knew, I was pulled to his lap.

''I'm heavy.''

He chuckled. ''No, you're not.'' He tucked me in closer. I let out a shaky breath and pressed my burning eyes on his neck.

''I'm dirty.'' He smoothed my hair and shushed me. He started to hum one of my lullabies for him. I can't help but smile and close my eyes. He was not bad at it. Actually, he was _very_ good. His voice was still high and child-like, after all. _Just wait until it breaks_ , _big bro_ , I thought with a smile. But then, his humming brought Ging's awful singing to my mind. The way I remembered him singing _Happy Birthday,_ the way he sings my name and Gon's when playing hide and seek...

 **Let him go. Let that man go. You don't need him. You have Gon. You have yourself. You will be strong. Stronger even without him.**

Like magic, I started hearing the gentle waves and the seagulls singing overhead. The ship rocked us softly as it weave through the blue sea to send us to another death ring. The breeze came past and brushed us, softly and comfortingly once again. Slowly, I felt my shoulders relax and all my strength left me. My breath hitched and trembled due to all my crying. I felt sleep slowly taking me back to his arms.

''Well done, Gin.'' I heard my big brother whispered. ' _'Well done_.'' He said again. Through my closed lids, the tears fell and the cool salty breeze dried them.

I felt someone walking down the steps and approached us. He placed his skateboard to one side before taking over my previous spot. _This boy keeps on trying to take my place. I will lose it if I'm not careful,_ I smiled. I took a deep breath. _''Killua, you bastard. That's... mine.''_

''What is she on about now?! Oy! Quit your-''

Gon shushed him. ''Who did you get, Killua?'' The silver-haired boy humped and said it was a secret. After a second, they shared a laugh.

''I'll tell you mine, if you show me yours?'' Gon invited his friend and then I fell deep asleep.

* * *

 _Author's notes: Skip if you don't like it! Hahaha this one's a little bit long!_

 _Okay. Lights out again for Gin! This chapter is a bit like a filler. Just the after-math of Gin's first kill. I actually cried writing it. But I'm not sure if you'd feel her pain through my words. I don't know how to express it better. Hehehe. The lullaby that Gon hummed was actually ''Pan's Labyrith lullaby''. Check it out from youtube! It's so good! If I may suggest you listen to it while reading her confession part, it's really depressing!_

 _So, what do you think of Gin's coping attitude, all that guilt and self-disgust...Poor, innocent, sweet, Gin..._

 _I am so glad you all seem to approve of chapter 12! It's like a huge milestone for this story since it was the first action and fight scene! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for all your super supportive and kind words! I really hope Gin's gonna lighten up a bit next chapter! But then again, she's off to another test!_

 _ **BloodySliver** \- About the second personality, hmm.. that's tricky. Because everyone of us cant be labelled as just one personality, right? But to be honest, your review really helped! I don't want her to forget her first kill too. And don't worry! No one's gonna take over her! She's still going to be aware of her surroundings, I think. Well, I hope so. Every Nen has their own dangers after all. And her specialty Nen is quite dangerous. Thanks so much for your review and PM! __**Wavywavy** \- ''A heart's a heavy burden'' - that's the one! I am glad you love Gon's and Hisoka's first encounter! Yes! I thought about it hard. Hisoka needed to see Gon. And even though Gin's presence will tilt the story line a little bit to the side, she can't control anything or everything. __**AmericaNidiot** \- Apple in the garden of Eden - I LOVE THAT DESCRIPTION! You got it spot on! Hisoka's the snake. Hahaha_

 _ **UniCryin-** I am so glad you think so! Thanks so much!, **Aqualily** \- Hisoka is definitely creepy! Hahaha but the anime made him so HOT...xD, **YCG-** LOL! *EVIL GRIN* I don't know what you're talking about! *wink. **havanatitiana-** Your senses aren't failing! He does! Hisoka is creepy like that, he gets all tingly when it comes to good potentials and good fights. **milpld** \- Hisoka/Gin huh. *evil grin, not bad, I guess. Age doesn't matter, after all. Maybe you'll like this chapter! **EveryShadowhasitstwin** \- I'M HAPPY YOU LOVE IT! Thanks so much! I'm glad you like my interpretation of Hisoka :) **maled-** Thanks so much! **ketaCareBear** = Hey! I'm glad you love this book! Only 12:09? Baby girl, that's still early! WELCOME TO THE FANGIRL WORLD! ^_^ ... where sleep doesn't exist! _

_xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	15. Chapter 14 - Zevil Island

**Chapter 14 – Fourth Exam – Zevil Island**

 _''_ _Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one remembers just to turn on the light'' ~ Albus Dumbledore_

* * *

''Thank you for your patience, everyone! We've finally reach Zevil's Island. Now, please disembark in the order by which you cleared Third phase! After each person disembarks, we will wait for 2 minutes before the next person's turn!'' The overly cheerful examiner said, clearly ignoring the tensed atmosphere in the ship.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself. _Okay. I'll be first. What should be the first thing I do?_

''Hm. That means we'll be staying here for a while,'' said Killua who was, again, keeping Gon and I from being together.

''Yeah,'' nodded my brother.

''You will stay in this island for exactly one week! During this time, you must amass a total of 6 points from your ID tag and return here. Alright then! The first person may now start!'' The orange-haired girl announced.

I pushed the silver-haired boy away. ''Oy!'' he yelled in complain. I ignored the young assassin.

After giving my brother a hug and ignoring how the applicant standing beside my brother took a surprise step back upon the sight of my bloody knives right in front of him, I whispered to my brother. ''Don't come looking for me. I'll look for you. Concentrate on your target. Wait… who's your target?'

My brother scratched his head and mumbled; ''Eh…'' Upon my glare, he smiled lamely. ''Hisoka…''

''WHAT!'' I was going to say some more when Gon placed his palm over my mouth, shushing me gently. _Oh no, you're not getting away that easily._ I slapped his hand away, ''Fucking hell Gon! Why didn't you tell me sooner! I could have—''

''Sis! Language, please!''

''Oy! Girl! Get your ass outta here now! We're sick waiting for you ol the damn time!'' I turned and gave an insipid looking man a _fucking look_. Gon started whispering nice and calming things in my ear.

''Fiineee!'' I barked over my shoulder. I turned to my wide-eyed cute brother then closed our foreheads together, looking at him straight to the eyes. _'_ 'Remember the _fucking pepper spray_ , Gon! And don't approach if you're not sure! In fact, don't approach at all! Wait for me!'' I whispered, emphasizing _every_ word, especially the pepper spray. He nodded, but his eyes didn't agree. ''Fine. You can approach but be careful!'' he grinned at me brightly and nodded.

''Uh… number one, please go now! I already started the time!''

I twirled around, passing Killua who had his hands in his pockets again and his skateboard tucked safely in his arm. I smirked at him and he smirked back. ''Stay alive, _kid_.'' I said even though I didn't need to tell him. Killua was born and trained to be careful.

''You two, _crybaby_.'' He taunted. I stopped and sneered at him. Of course, he sneered back.

''You are _such_ a kid!'' I told him.

''…Speak for yourself, snotty. Go away and your cooties.''

I scoffed and turned promptly to Gon. ''Gon! Did you hear that, he said I have cooties!''

Gon smiled, sweetly. ''Killua, my sister has no cooties….Uhm, what are those anyway?''

I opened my mouth to explain but then the people started murmuring rude things. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at Killua and started ambling towards the wooden plank. ''Yes. Yes. This nice perky ass is now moving!'' I waved my hand lazily and chuckled at their aghast expressions and the various gasps. ''Prudes…'' I growled at them over my shoulder. I saw Killua covering his mouth while his shoulders shook. Meanwhile, Gon was covering his face.

''You have less than a minute left!'' said the smiling orange-haired girl. I turned to her, eyes serious towards her cheerful ones. She tilted her head to the side, puzzled at why I was looking at her.

''If I ever don't come back, my name is Gin Freecs. I'm 12 years old and I like dressing up. At least remember that.'' I smiled at her stupefied expression and I sprinted, leaving nothing but dust and the scent of old blood.

* * *

The first thing I did, of course, was go to the river. I didn't do any of those cliché where I will strip slowly by the river and then leave my things stupidly somewhere near it because _duh_ … second to come in the forest was a perverted psychopathic clown called _Hisoka_.

I could just see him stealing my pack and clothes away and threatening the poor, naked me to come out and get them. He'll probably lay one article of clothing one by one to form a trail towards his lair and then… the others are X rated.

No. What I did was I threw myself into the river and ran through its cool and fresh and beautiful blue waters. I relaxed and groaned at the wonderful pleasure of _bathing._ I watched for a second on how the water turned pink around me. Then, shrugging away all the negative feelings slowly burdening my shoulders, I let _Togari_ be washed too.

''There, there, baby, all clean.'' I let myself talk to it. ''Now, be a good blade and serve me well, okay? I'll sharpen and clean and hold on to you very tight from now on! We'll be the best buds forever!'' I grinned at it and continued my trek while washing away the sticky blood. ''Just don't… get me killed too and be stolen by my future killer, yes? In fact, I'd love to die when I'm like…80. In my bed surrounded by chocolates and tea. You can lay by me too. Wouldn't that be great?''

'' _Yes, master! That will be great! I will love you forever!''_ I squeaked and manipulated the hook bill knives.

' _'_ _Oh!_ '' I giggled. ''Thank you! I will love you forever too!'' I puckered my lips and kissed the already clean and shining blades.

After my mini-bathe, I sensed my surroundings before proceeding to climb up a tree. When I was settled on a rather thick branch, I kept an eye and ear out of everything while I slowly stripped my wet clothes. I was quite sure no one was watching me but still, I did some poses to distract them if it just happens that I was being watched.

Some blood was still stuck in my skin and I rubbed at them using my old and tattered, star-wars inspired clothes. When I was satisfied, I pulled on my extra clothes and became a little sad at the boring ensemble – dark tank top and black leggings. I wretchedly strapped my weapon holsters around my thighs and even the ones in my arms, although they were empty.

My twin serrated knives, I lost them in that tower in exchange for _Togari._ Slowly, I felt my eyes starting to sting. Those knives had served me well, after all. Even though we were together only briefly, those twin knives were my first and they made me feel safe. I sniffed and rubbed my blurring eyes.

 _Okay…I have one week to find #80 and I need to keep my tag too!_ I blinked and looked down on my empty chest. I controlled my breathing when it started getting heavy then checked my previously wet clothes.

I cursed myself a thousand times and more. Because then, I realised, that I just lost it. I pulled angrily at my hair and I yelled/whispered; _NOOOOOOOOOO!_

* * *

After bashing my own stupid head to the tree, I left the safety of my tree and buried my ruined clothes. I didn't want to get wet so I decided that I will just collect 6 points. _Yey_!

 _Omygod. I'm so screwed. Alone and screwed!_

Then, I shook my head and took a deep courageous breath. ''No! I will be a strong and independent woman!'' I fisted my hands and nodded to myself.

Happy that I regained my spirit, I did a double check at my surroundings and climbed at the nearest tree. I smirked and held onto the trunk, feeling its life beneath my hand. 6 points – #80 will give me 3 points. Therefore, I needed 3 more. And I needed to watch out for the one who got me as their target.

I closed my eyes and activated my Nen to a Zetsu. _Hide._ The sun was still high up in the blue sky. I sensed my surroundings again, ears picking up the smallest rustle made by the closest squirrel. _No one._ I sat cross-legged on the branch of the tree and maintained the _Nen._ After deliberation, I decided to scout the whole island to gain an idea of how large and vast it was.

The first I saw, incidentally, was my brother. I watched hidden by Zetsu and the trees as he practised his fishing skills using that rod and dangling apple by the river. I smiled at the face he drew on the fruit. I could tell it was meant to be Hisoka's face – with that narrow eyes and pouty mouth. Amazed by his concentration and determination, I watched him some more as he swung and studied his mistakes, tirelessly.

My smile fell when a shadow from the shade of trees moved. It was another applicant, watching my brother. I turned to my brother, half expecting and half hoping for him to notice. My breath hitched when he didn't. _What's wrong? Gon has very good sensing abilities! Better than mine! Why…_

My eyes widened at understanding as Gon's strikes became even fiercer and fiercer. _He's concentrating at that too much._ I smoothed the wrinkles on my forehead. I peered through my fingers as my brother tried to catch a frog. He blinked as the frog moved away. I bit my lip and face-palmed. _God, why is he so cute and huggable! I wanna go and tackle him right now! But I can't because he's practising so hard!_

Eyeing the dark-skinned man, I watched as he contently sat behind the bushes. _What are the chances of Gon hearing the man's last whimper of pain?_

The other applicant was sporting an afro-styled haircut, wore a heavy, short-brimmed hat, sunglasses and a white ruff. He was also holding this queer staff-like weapon. I noticed that the sun was going down already and I continued to ponder.

Half of me wanted to leave Gon because I knew he will be fine, but… **let him go. Let him fight his own wars, Gin.**

I closed my eyes and listened at Gon as he laid on the grass, sweating and breathing heavily. ''It's no good! It's harder that I thought!'' he said to himself.

I shifted my focus at the smiling applicant hidden from the bushes. He was amused at my brother. _Why?_ But if he wanted to kill Gon, he would've done so. _But what if he was waiting for tonight?_

In the end, I remained in my spot and kept watch as my brother snored. _No_. _I can't leave him yet._

In the morning, my brother was still alive so I stood up and stretched at the tree branch. The man was still watching Gon. Giving my brother one last lingering look, I set out to scout the rest of the island, hoping to come across #80 and 3 more unsuspecting applicants. Once again, I cursed my own stupidity. _I can't believe I lost it. If someone knows about this… especially Killua, I'll never hear the end of it!_

* * *

I stopped when I saw red butterflies. I watched, fascinated at their pretty pink/red colour as two of them lingered and flew around me. My head snapped up as I heard a faint ringing. I slowly activated my Zetsu and leapt swiftly to another tree branch. I lingered and stayed on the shadows and peeked.

I wasn't even surprised when I saw his red hair. _Seriously, why do we keep on meeting?! Can't the heavens see I'm avoiding him!_

I watched as he picked up a phone. I leaned in a bit closer and concentrated at the voice. ''Hisoka, have you taken your tag?'' The voice from the phone echoed.

''No, not yet.'' Answered the magician, uncaring as he observed the pink butterfly at his finger. I had this little expectation that he would suddenly crush the poor butterfly and so I waited for it to happen.

''You don't even know who your target is, do you?'' the answer asked, and for some reason it brought me goose bumps rising on my exposed arms and back.

''No,'' answered Hisoka who hasn't killed the butterfly yet.

''Want me to tell you?'' I didn't swallow the spit in my mouth but remained still. All I could think of was how dead I was going to be if Hisoka and his secret partner finds me.

''No, it doesn't matter.'' Hisoka blew at the butterfly and let it fly away. I blinked at the non-violent attitude. Then, I remembered that Hisoka likes a challenge. I fought the shiver that raked through my back when he spoke softly again, ''I'll just find three others to hunt.'' He said.

As quiet and swift as a cat, I tensed my legs and hopped away.

* * *

I found the sniper dead. I slowly approached her corpse and swatted away the butterflies. It was funny how I was so scared of touching a dead person when I should be more scared of live ones. She was dead and she can't do anything anymore. I hopelessly pushed her on her back and wasn't surprised to find her tag gone.

My hand trembled as they hovered over the needle stuck in her right eye. I took it out from the punctured eyeball with a grimace. _The green thing killed her,_ I thought as I examined the needle. Something tickled at my memory. _Needles… Where have I seen that before aside from green thing?_

I forced myself to look down again to desensitised myself from the blood and gore. I swallowed the bile forming in my throat and stared at her lifeless face and her broken eye. The killer didn't even bother closing her other one.

Surprise and pain was the last she felt.

Feeling like I had enough, I closed both her eyes and gently laid her broken gun above her then placed her hands over it.

''Rest in peace.'' I told her and removed my hands from her cold ones. _I really need to find back my tag._

* * *

As I travelled in the night, I shooed away all the wild horror fantasies that kept coming back to me. _What if a white lady decides to appear by that tree, or crawled out of that bush? What if a ghost child decides to invite me to play until I die, or follow me everywhere, staring at me with bottomless black eyes! F*cking hell, I'm scaring myself._

I stopped, upon seeing a precipice. Deciding to use it to look for unsuspecting applicants, I stood and curled my hands around my eyes like I would for a telescope. I looked around for a long time, sensing and smelling my surroundings. I swatted the butterflies clinging all around me. Sadly, not all the smell of blood has left me and these bloody-butterflies has been following me every time I'm not on _Zetsu_ mode.

I caught a flash of knife and focused on it. _Aha!_ Under the shadow of a tree was a short, grey-haired man sharpening his short-sword. Beside him, a younger, slim man was sleeping. After seeing him, I scanned the area for more. There's a high chance that they were being hunted already. But I saw none. I quickly leaped down the cliff and silently approached the two. When close enough, I remained in the shadows.

I placed _Togari_ on the floor with a silent apology. I haven't practised with him yet, after all. Taking out two throwing knives, I steeled myself. _Don't look at them as people. They're preys. It's kill or be killed! Wait…_

 _Why are you aiming to kill now? You could've picked poisons in the woods! You could've looked for poisonous herbs…_

 _I don't know how to extract them! I have to kill them now._

I didn't even notice that I was breathing heavily. When I clamped my mouth shut and forced myself to breathe through my nose. _Zetsu._

Unfortunately, the old man seemed to notice something amiss. His eyes dropped at a small area in front them with a hopeful gaze. _Trap. There's a trap set up for me._ I watched as the guy nudged the bigger man awake. He jolted and sat upright, muscles tensing. _They're not alone. They have someone here._

 _I won't kill again. I won't kill again. I won't kill anyone._

I heard a rustle from near behind me and the thundering of a man's footsteps. He opened his mouth and shouted; ''Someone's—''

I dropped the throwing knives in my hand to remove the urge to throw one to his head. A knife glinted under the moonlight from his hand, I tensed my leg and sprung towards him at full speed. _If I can survive Hisoka, I can survive him._

The man swung his knife blindly. I threw caution to the wind and reached out for both his arms then twisted them with all my strength, ignoring how my chest clenched at his painful scream. Tensing my arm, I karate hand-chopped his head, rendering him unconscious.

I squatted just in time as an arrow shot out, aimed at my head. He notched another to his bow, my legs tensed and I zigzagged my way towards him. I jumped and grabbed his bow and arrow before he could aim them. He pulled them back with such force that I was pulled with him. I pulled it back again and kicked him between his legs.

''Awowww!'' He yelped.

I knocked him unconscious using his bow and the younger man dropped. I paused for a moment, trying to catch my breath.

With adrenaline pushing me forward, I leapt and took refuge in the shadows of the trees' foliage. With my _Nen_ full _on Zetsu_. Closing my hands over my noisy mouth, I peeked cautiously towards the two remaining men who were still on their spot, looking nervously around.

 _Why aren't they moving?_

I looked around them, concentrating at what trap they had for me. _Are they in the trees?_ I looked around. I cursed myself at being too careless and excited for the tags that I didn't check the surroundings clearly. _Ugh._

Because I can't see anything wrong due to the poor lighting. I decided to risk using aura around my eyes even though it created a soft shrilling noise every time I use them.

I gasped at the crisscrossing threads surrounding the two men. _So that's why they can't get out! They were the bait! So there were four of them?_ I cancelled the aura and closed my eyes, trying to get a feel of my surroundings.

 _Yes. Four of them._

 _Dear instincts, you better be sure of this or else…_

Ignoring the way my temples throbbed due to over-usage, I focused my _Nen_ around my eyes again, searching for a way in. _And where the heck are their tags?_

I looked over behind me to the unconscious men. I leapt down and pushed one over his back. I checked his pockets when there was none, I threw caution to the wind and unbuttoned his jeans and peeked. _Hm, not bad… None down here either!_ Looking around, I removed his boots and… _Bingo! A tag! Maybe I should've checked here first…_

I took it and slipped it in my sports bra. Then, I tiptoed towards the other guy – the one I nearly killed. After I checked everything, I decided to molest him too even though he's a bit too hairy and older for my liking. I can't say I will ever regret this because he had **_two_** inside his boxers…

 _The bastard…_

I tapped his cheek. ''Pervert.'' I tried to smile at him. ''Please forgive me.''

 _If only I had my own card with me…_

After pulling the two guys so they can lay their backs on a tree, I turned towards the two remaining guys. They were still looking around blindly. I picked up the throwing knives I dropped and sheathed them back to my holster. With _Togari_ in my hand, I climbed up the tree again, making sure there were no threads around or near it.

''Oy!'' the two stiffened. ''I just want to ask, do you happen to have a tag with number 405 on it?''

The two didn't answer. I sighed. Why can't let this go and be easy?

''I can kill you from here even with these threads you have! Please, just tell me if you have 405!''

The grey-haired old man answered. ''We don't!'' he shouted close to my direction. His hand tightened around his knife. I leapt up and focused on the next tree to find it trapped.

''Any chance that you'll give me your tags without a fight?!'' I shouted.

Their grip tightened at their weapons. _No._

I leapt down and ran towards my original position. I spied on them from the cliff, flicking my throwing knife up and down. _I could always retrace my steps and look for my tag. Still, I can't believe I lost mine! Man… I'm so stupid!_

I threw one knife and it landed on the spot. My _Nen_ eyes widened with surprise when the threads went crazy and _shifted_ forwards, backwards and sideways. If I had stayed on that tree beside that threaded tree, I would have been sliced to pieces.

 _Yikes._

I watched as the two men ran away. I let them go and retraced my steps towards the river. _I lost another knife,_ I thought sadly.

* * *

I was walking aimlessly, wondering what I was doing. It was difficult when you don't have an aim aside from _find your tag_ , or _find three more tags_. Everyone was hiding somewhere and I was so exhausted using so much _Nen_ and energy fighting.

 _If I killed those two men whilst they were on the run, I'll have more tags now. Two or if I was lucky, maybe three more. Then, I would have been sorted. I have only three days left from tomorrow._

I shook my growing evil thoughts. _I can't use killing as a first option._

 _What then? Dying?_

 _Oh God, why am I doing this to myself all the time? How do others cope with this? I mean, I can't be the only one with problems when it comes to killing and not killing._ I nodded and figured I should Kurapika and Leorio about this.

I faltered when I felt a shiver up my spine. I stopped walking and looked around me. Even though I have a feeling of who was looking, I forced myself not to look up where I can feel his cold gaze from.

Without a word, I bolted towards the shadows to hide and get away from _that_ aura. _Ohmygod. Not again. Not him again! I get so tired just by being in the same breathing distance as his! Ohmygod!_

My feet skidded into a halt, dust and dirt flying when the said magician appeared smiling in front of me. His posture was relaxed as if he was trying to look non-threatening at all. But one look on his face and his overall form, and one would know to run away.

The hairs on my arms stood up when he made a small noise of under his throat. I avoided the desire to swat away the butterflies that started to flock around me and him. I found them pretty, yes, but then they quickly became vexing! _Urgh!_

 _''_ _I'm hurt, Gin-chan. I thought we're friends now.''_ He whined and placed one arm over his stomach and used it to rest his other elbow on. He played with his broken lower lip with his index and thumb.

I remained on flight position and thought how _lucky_ I was that when I decided to drop my _Zetsu,_ to rest for a minute, one finds me and that one should be Hisoka! _What is this!_

 _''_ _Hm… You see, I still need two more tags.''_ I kept a bored face on as I listened to him moan his problem. Poor guy has no friends to voice out his complains. How could he though? He probably kills or tries to kill them when he gets bored. He's not really friend material.

''Hm… I don't know, Hisoka. How about go over there and look for unsuspecting little children?'' _that is not my brother, of course._ I wiggled my fingers towards east. I figured this was the only way to talk to the psychopath – be myself and let him see good potential but not good enough to kill yet. If I think too much… Well, he'll get bored easily and I will be dead.

'' _Hm… But I looked for you. I was going to give you this but…'' _A tag magically appeared in his hand. #80. I stiffened. He smirked, loving how my uninterested face mask became _very_ interested. All of a sudden, the tag disappeared from a flick of his hand. '' _You don't seem interested…''_ My eye twitched at his horrible acting. He was obviously taunting me.

I crossed my arms over my chest, shooing some butterflies angrily. 'Well, that's very kind of you Hisoka. Now, I'm _very_ interested.'' His snake smile widened at this but didn't say anything. ''Did you kill her?'' I asked even though I know he can't have. It was the _green thing._ But the question was how did he get it?

 _Partners. They are partners, remember? Weirdo + Weirdo = 2 weirdos?_

The magician tilted his head to the side. ''Nope,'' he said happily.

 _Partners. Magician. Needles. Needles. Green outfit. Parents. Siblings. Killua's bloody forehead._

A sudden gasp escaped my throat and I clutched my throbbing chest. My knees weakened and trembled so much that I fell down to my hands and knees. I tried controlling my breathing but it only caused my vision to darken due to lack of air. I didn't notice that I dropped _Togari_ to the floor to clutch at my heavy throat. I swallowed the heavy lump, trying to clear it but nothing happened. My eyes widened. _I'm choking! Why!_ As my eyesight started to blur and the world seemed to go round and round, I caught a glimpsed of Hisoka's pointed shoes. My ears rang in alarm and I tried moving away. _What… What's happening? Gon… Omygod. Run. Run. Run…_

''Oh? Gin- _chan?''_ I heard his slick voice despite the loud beating in my ears. My head jerked as I felt his cold hand on one side of my head. I let out a groan and started to shiver madly, still confused of what's going on.

All I know was I needed to run again. I felt his cold fingers tuck a hair behind my ear. _''Breathe deeply, Gin-chan.''_ He said, sounding amused. I glared at him and realised that the warmth on my cheeks were tears. '' _You have such lovely eyes, Gin-chan. That darkness peeking out every time I look at you…''_ He hummed and he started chuckling.

'' _Come out now, boys.''_

Confused, I turned my head to the side. I squinted and made out Kurapika's slim form and Leorio's tall height. Hisoka stood up and addressed the boys.

''Get away from her, bastard.'' I heard Leorio say. My chest heaved and it felt like it was slowly constricting. I cried out in pain and hugged myself, trying so hard to fill my lungs with some air.

''GIN! Don't do that! Sit up straight and try calming down! Breathe! It's a panic attack, Gin! It's alright! Just breathe!'

 _Panic attack? I'm having a panic attack? What do I do? What do I do?_

''Calm down, Gin!'' I heard Kurapika from afar.

''Kurapika… Leorio… _it hurts…_ '' My vision blurred and darkened.

''Breathe, Gin! Bastard! Get away!'' Leorio's voice started became louder.

A cold hand held mine and slipped a solid white tag in my shaking hand. His hand was a lot paler than mine and bigger. A cold finger tilted my chin up. '' _Go and be stronger, Gin-chan. It hurts me to see you like this now. It hurts…''_ He moaned as if in pain. His grip tightened and I continued to hyperventilate. _''You're still not strong enough._ '' I froze as I felt a card on my neck. Blood leaked out when I can't be still for any longer. I heard Hisoka's cold laugh and felt it on my warm face.

'' _Hm… You see, I need three more tags.''_ He told the guys. '' _Would you mind giving me yours?''_

''Bastard! Let her go first—''

''Three more? Then, that means we are not your target then?''

Hisoka hummed in agreement.

''Unfortunately, we cannot give you ours. But only one. We bid you to take this if you let us go,'' Reasoned Kurapika.

I shivered when Hisoka let a wave of excited and hungry aura. '' _And If I don't?''_

Kurapika removed his tabard and assumed his fighting position, grey eyes flashing and his wooden swords in hand. Leorio dropped his suitcase and took out a knife. ''Then we will fight to keep our tags,'' Kurapika said gravely. Hisoka let out a violent wave of excited aura.

It was quiet for a while aside from my gasps and coughs as I choked repeatedly from nothing. I moaned when the attack hasn't passed but seemed to worsen at each second _._ Not being able to help myself, I fell on my side and clutched my painful chest, slightly aware that Hisoka began laughing.

'' _Fine. I'll take the card.''_ He giggled some more. There was a soft tap as he caught it to his hand.

''Leave Gin and leave us here.''

Hisoka laughed. ''Bastard, we said leave her alone!'' I felt his hand on my hair, pulling at the unbound strands. He did this repeatedly.

'' _Hmm…I wonder what triggered it? Are you remembering Togari, Gin-chan?''_ I gasped at his name.

''Leorio!''

My waists… my shoulder, my leg…

 _''…Allow me to help you with her, HISOKA!''_ I jerked wildly when I heard him shout. I knew what were coming next were just flashes of memories. Not real. But it hurt. It hurt so much. The pain was there and it was real –mental or not.

 _I jumped to the air, successfully avoiding the two blades. My breath got caught in my throat as I heard two others coming nearer at me but then there's nowhere to run._ I screamed _, dropping my knives just as I heard and then felt two blades spinning and eating at the skin of my waists. I dropped down on my hands and knees just as the scream died at my throat. I_ cried out again _as my leg got caught. I dropped on the floor. I_ gasped _as another blade wounded my shoulder. I started feeling cold. I_ looked down _and saw my bloody hands._

''Gon… Help me, Gon…'' _I closed my eyes and whispered. I_ held onto my bleeding shoulder _, trying to stop it from bleeding out.''It hurts… It hurts… It hurts…'' I felt warm tears running down my face and once they started to fall, I cannot stop them anymore. One blade came breezing past me, smelling of blood. I gasped._ ''D-dad… Ging...Ging…'' _Togari laughed. ''Awh…Poor girl. Daddy's not here to help ya!'' He commented. ''Up, down, left and right, Hisoka! You can only dodge!''_

''It will be over, soon. _''_ A voice slithered into my senses. '' _Finish?''_ _A voice slithered into my senses._ _I blinked, dried blood coated and framed my tired eyes and my throat was unbelievably dry as parchment. I limped towards the light, thinking about what I've just done and what it meant and what should I say to Gon._

 _''Number 405, Gin Freecs, is the first one to arrive the base! Time: Four hours and 59 minutes!''_

''Gin. Gin. You're alright, Gin.'' Someone cooed. ''Massage her back, keep her upright.''

Warm hands held my by the shoulders and sat me upright. He massaged my heavy back and untangled the knots there. ''You're alright, Gin.'' He whispered.

''Breathe, Gin. Breathe. You're here in Zevil's Island now. Leorio's here. Kurapika's here. You're safe. You're safe. Gin. Gin, look at me, Gin.'' A warm massive hand held and steadied my face. ''Gin. Get out of there. Whatever it is you're seeing, look away.'' I closed my eyes. _I jumped to the air, successfully avoiding the two blades. My breath got caught in my throat as I heard two others coming nearer at me but then there's nowhere to run…_

I moaned to muffle the scream that was threatening to burst out my burning throat. ''Gin… Look at me, Gin. It's Leorio. We're here to save you.''

 _Save me?_

''We've come to help you. We're here now…'' Leorio's soothing voice

'' _It hurts…It hurts…It hurts…''_

''I know. Gin. I'm here, now. See? I'm a future doctor. I'll patch you up real quick. Then you'll feel better. I promise, Gin. You're safe now. We won't leave you. Not again, okay? Never again. Nod your head if you understand me, Gin.'' I nodded. Someone breathed a sigh of relief. ''Now… try breathing slowly. Slowly, Gin. 1,2,3, Breathe in with me. Gin… Gin, look at me. Come on Gin. Focus on my eyes…

 _My hand trembled as they hovered over the needle stuck in her right eye. I took it out from the punctured eyeball with a grimace…_

''Leorio… it's been 10 minutes.''

''Panic attacks can last 5-20 minutes. Don't stop soothing her back.''

''…She needs Gon.''

''Gin. Gin, tell me what you're seeing…Okay… Gin….'' I gasped when I felt a slap on my face. Leorio's brown eyes leaned in closer and looked straight at me. ''Gin.'' He shook my head, not looking away. His eyes widened a little and then brightened, but the wrinkle on his forehead didn't vanish. _They look like Gon's eyes. Brown, bright and determined eyes with nothing to hide._

Tears welled up my eyes. _I am a secret. I am abnormal. I can't live like this. They'll find out. Someone will…_

My breath hitched as Leorio suddenly grabbed and enveloped me into his arms. ''it's okay now, Gin. It's okay. I'm here. Kurapika's here. You don't have to be strong. Leave it to Leorio and Kurapika even for a while, alright? Kurapika here is strong and smart, and I'm… well, I'm tall and I can run fast. We can run together.'' He chuckled and I melted into his embrace, inhaling his scent of sweat and men's cologne. _I need to tell him..._

''…Leorio…'' he stiffened, arms tightening. ''... Stop putting on cologne.'' My body gave one last shudder and relaxed. I sniffed and itched to wipe away my wet nose. I shamelessly wiped my snot and tears on his shoulder, instead. ''Easy to track.'' I croaked out as the last violent flashes in my mind receded. He chuckled, extremely relieved. I relaxed and leaned into him.

'''Fine. Fine. Now, breathe. 1, 2, 3 in…1, 2, 3 out…Good. Again, Gin…1, 2, 3 in… 1, 2, 3 out…''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Hello guys! You don't know how happy I am with the reviews I'm receiving. Please tell me more what you think of the story so far. Thank so much for being so patient and actually take the time to review. I appreciate it a lot. So, what do you think of this chapter now?_

 _Also, thank you for the favourites and follows! I write the story everyday. Actually, since, I'm still on vacation, it's just been what I've been doing since I started. It's probably not healthy but I enjoy writing it and I want to write as much as possible. Hahaha I guess I'm addicted to writing Gin's story._

 _Thank you everyone! I won't type down your names now, because you know who you are! But I always look forward to hearing (or reading) from you. Your comments and suggestions help me a lot. Furthermore, the two men Gin molested here, they are OCs without name. It was just so hard to not botch the story line completely. There were 25 applicants I think... but let's just ignore that fact and give Gin two other men to victimise. It's just that the ones who survived and who died in canon they were all connected to the ones who passed so I can't pass the others if Gin for example takes this guy's tags. Gets? So... let's get on with it! if you have any questions! Review away!_

 _I actually love Hisoka. hahahaha... If that's not obvious yet. Hunter X HUNTER is not mine!_

 _I probably need to do some uh... uni work too. ahahha But I can't seem to think of any... hm... nah.._

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	16. Chapter 15 - Anger is an acid

**Chapter 15 – Anger**

 _''Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it was stored than to anything in which it was poured.'' ~ Mark Twain_

* * *

 _Four days later:_

I found myself in my meditation state on a ginormous tree whilst Kurapika and Leorio looked around, craning their neck here and there even when I already told them no one was in the area. Now, now, we were taking a break, you see. But for some reason, these two seemed to have no idea of what a 'break' is. I understand of course, since they don't have the nose and sensing capabilities as I have. Not that I'm bragging, of course.

The day was just so beautiful that I had to sit down for a bit and listen to peaceful singing of the birds everywhere around us. Zevil Island is no doubt, a beautiful place despite its name. It is just too bad that hunters decided to perform their heinous Hunters exam and use this place as a killing site.

Taking a deep breath of fresh leaves and a salty breeze, I closed my eyes and entered my subconscious. I did this so easily that it made me realise how much I trust these guys. When I was alone, I rarely relaxed. But then, the moment I did, I encountered Hisoka.

But with them, I found myself relaxed. With them, I found that I could sleep without worrying what if I won't ever wake up or if I did, wake up as a hostage.

The first time I meditated in their presence, Leorio asked what I was doing and why.

'' _It relaxes me. It cures my headaches, too.''_ I told him. Then, I stiffened when Kurapika commented that it _feels like it too._ I asked him as normally as possible what he meant. He smiled gently.

''You _feel_ relaxed when you do it. I can't explain it but while you're meditating, I _feel_ it too? Like Hisoka, for example, when facing him, I can't help but feel goose bumps on my skin—''

Leorio shuddered. ''You feel that too, huh?''

Kurapika smiled. ''…But with you, it feels soothing.'' My face heated and I avoided his gaze when I was suddenly reminded of how he embraced me from behind and soothed my back when I was having that attack. _He's so dreamy…_ Leorio cocked an eyebrow up and I fixed my face. The older man coughed and turned away. I narrowed my eyes at his back then brushed it away.

From then on, I did my meditation openly in their presence, not only because I can, but it was _soothing_.

It was the first time someone called me _soothing,_ after all.

However, every time I do, I feel worried and confused. I hadn't mention Gon to them yet because of how stressed out Leorio looks about finding his tag. I didn't want to add on a burden to him. Furthermore, I know my brother was fine.

I picked out a card and examined the picture I showed me. It was Gon – his face swollen, looking angry and ready to cry whilst holding Hisoka's #44 tag. Then, it was a picture of my brother looking all battered and bruised, handing a #44 tag to Hisoka whose ensemble looked different but still the same style. They stood under a bright glaring light. I had deduced it to be an arena. If I remember correctly, Gon will attend a competition where he will fight (obviously). _Is it to for that tag? I think so. What will happen then next?_

My head gave a throb in complaint. I ignored it as this always happens when I ask too much. Picking up another card, I wasn't surprised to see the image of a candy-blue haired girl with a huge strange hat, staring at me with her wide eyes, highlighted by a fire. Behind her were a bunch of brownstone. _A cave, maybe?_

I took a deep breath and exhaled as I picked another card. It showed a man wearing a tan turban and a purple scarf. I recognise him as the man who was standing beside Gon before we separated. In the picture, he has snakes wrapped lovingly around him while they glared at me from the card. _I hate snakes._

Leorio made a sound of surprise and yelled; ''Gin!'' I started and opened my eyes. With tensed legs, I immediately jumped and plastered myself on the giant tree's trunk. I looked quickly around, adrenaline rushing. Frowning, I addressed Leorio and Kurapika who were staring up at me, wide-eyed. ''What!'' I hissed still trying to sense someone but to no avail, no one seemed to be around.

Kurapika blinked. Leorio sighed. ''Your nose is bleeding.'' He said, softly. I blinked and jumped down. I looked down on my bloody fingers.

'' _Oh._ '' I turned to their worried faces and smiled. ''This happens a lot. Don't worry.'' I told them, slightly vexed. Getting pampered was good, but I don't know what to do if it happens a lot. I admit I like it when they care for me but still, there's a part of me that dislike being treated like I was so needy. _What does that make me?_

 _A bitch._ I sighed and ignored my dark counterpart.

I leaned forward and started breathing through my mouth, waiting for the blood flow to stop. I saw Leorio take out a handkerchief. He approached me and I let him wipe the blood off me. From my peripheral, I caught a glimpse of butterflies. I groaned out of annoyance. ''Here they are, again!''

Leorio chuckled. His hand firm and gentle on the back of my head. ''If only you stop getting hurt, then they'd stop bothering you.'' He said, smilingly. I watched as he wiped my bloody nose. There was a crease still present between his eyebrows and his brown eyes sparked with worry.

''We'll find her, Leorio. I promise.'' His eyes met mine and softened. He smiled.

''Hm! Of course!'' he said, but still didn't sound appeased. But then the smile left quickly. He turned slightly over his shoulder. ''Wanna head back to the starting point?''

Kurapika tilted his head to the side. ''Hm?''

''It is possible that many people have already finished.''

''No, we won't find anyone there.'' Answered Kurapika. Leorio finished wiping my nose and froze in surprise. I listened carefully at the blonde's logic. ''This exam is unique in the fact that one can take back their lost tag. Therefore, even though you have 6 points now, you can't relax until the week ends. You can't finish early.''

I pursed my lips and nodded. ''I see.'' I watched helplessly as the older teen's scowled at himself. He feels frustrated and weak, I could tell. He feels as though he was holding us back and deeply hates the feeling. After all, I have 6 points already, courtesy of Hisoka. I still can't comprehend what reason he has for giving me #80's tag.

''But it's worth a shot.'' Leorio's eyes snapped to me, wide and hopeful. ''Only one day remains. So, those who've gathered 6 points will stay close to the goal. I will do the same, too.'' Leorio sighed and determinedly looked ahead.

''Alright then.'' He said and walked on with his head held high.

Kurapika smiled widely at me, eyes glittering with approval.

* * *

We reached and hid behind a thick foliage as we watched the ship, sailing not far from land. I stood and turned away from the two boys who were busy looking around for anyone who can be spotted. I raised my nose high and sniffed for Gon. I heard a slight rustle overhead and opened my eyes, spotting my brother right away. We grinned at each other.

''I guess we should split up and search after deciding a time and place to reconvene,'' sighed Kurapika.

''Damn…''

''It will be easier if there's four of us!'' Gon jumped from the tree with a small wave. ''I guess we figured out the same thing too!'' He skipped towards me and gave me a tight hug. I leaned forwards and smelled his scent, loving the way his arms were strong and firm around me. Because it meant he wasn't hurt.

''I've been watching from high above and a number of people have gathered nearby!'' He said, still hugging me. I tensed and closed my eyes.

''Uh… sorry, I didn't seem to think of that.'' I admitted.

Kurapika chuckled. ''That's alright, Gin.'' And it was.

''Hmm… Maybe we should climb up and start looking for her from that point,'' Leorio mused out loud.

''Nope! That won't work! It would only work if you have eyes as sharp as Gon's,'' came a sharp reply.

I smirked as Leorio made a sound of dismay. I pulled away from the hug and wrapped my arm around Gon's. My smile became wider as he placed his hand on top of mine. ''Have you seen any woman nearby, Gon? With a green tall hat and blue-green-hair? I think her dress is orange.'' I asked him. Gon blinked owlishly.

''No… not really. Why?''

''That's Ponzu. Leorio's target.''

''Have you gotten all the points you need, Gon?'' asked Kurapika. I watched as my brother's face fell. He smiled a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

''Sort of.'' I sighed and kissed his inflamed cheek. He blinked in surprise as if he didn't expect me to notice it. I smiled at him.

''I'm glad you're safe, Gon.''

This time, he brightened up and massage the hurt area. He probably didn't notice that he did it. But I and the others (more so on Kurapika), certainly did. ''Thanks, Gin. Have you gotten your tag, too?''

The smile fell off my face upon remembering Hisoka. _Wait. Did Hisoka give Gon his tag? Is that the reason why my brother looks disappointed at himself? Because all his efforts on training have gone to waste?_

''Gin?''

''Ah… hahaha… Sort of.'' Gon looked confused while Kurapika and Leorio just looked away.

''So far, we can assume four possibilities; One – she's in good shape and still has her tag. Two - she's in good shape and she lost her tag.'' I stiffened and kept my face blank. ''three – she's out of action but still has her tag, and four – she's out of action and she hasn't got her tag.'' Kurapika held his chin in thought.

''Is it really possible for her to be out of action and still have her tag?'' asked Leorio.

The blond Kurta nodded, solemnly. ''If say, she had an accident. However, if she hid her tag somewhere and she was out of action, then, we will never be able to find her tag.'' Leorio looked down, jaw clenching in frustration.

''Ah! What if we sniff her out then?'' I asked. The three boys looked up. ''She specialises in drugs, right? So far, I haven't smelled her from where we came from, so she's not there. Gon has a very good sense of smell too. Better than mine!''

''Hm. We can cover the rest of the forest and search for her by smell.'' Kurapika smiled, grey eyes glowing.

Gon nodded. ''No problem.'' He said brightly. ''That's why I'm here.''

The rest of our travel went smoothly, except for the part when I decided to approach the baby bears I saw peeking out from the grass. To be fair, they looked so cute and cuddly that I just had to touch or pet them a little. They didn't move when I approached or even displayed any signs of aggression. It was only when I had one in my chest when that hell-spawn bear decided to claw my face. I cried when my face got hurt.

''Gin! Are you alright?'' Gon yelled.

'' _Goooon! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL YOUTHFUL FACE! NO! OMYGOD! LEORIO! FIX IT! FIX IT! MY FUTURE! OH NO!''_

Leorio successfully bandaged my face and told me with a small trembling smile (he obviously was trying not to laugh, the jerk!) that the slash wasn't deep and that it shouldn't scar but if they do, they'll just look cool on me and that scars are man—

Kurapika had whacked his head for me. Like a gentleman, he told me they shouldn't be too obvious and if they ever scar and that I still would be pretty. He also added that he knows some ointments that can remove scars. I closed my hands over my face and told my inner girl to suck it up.

All of us became serious around sunset when Gon and I started to pick up traces of antiseptic and other kinds of chemicals. The trail led us to a grim and forbidding cavern. Above the rocks, there were some trees whose roots snaked down possessively towards the opening.

''I'll enter the cave. Don't enter until I give an okay.'' My eyes snapped to Leorio's serious ones.

''Thirty minutes.'' Kurapika replied immediately. He raised three fingers as he addressed our friend. ''If we don't hear anything from you for thirty minutes then we head in after you.''

Gon and I nodded our heads simultaneously.

''No.'' My heartbeat quickened as I stared at Leorio's grave expression. '' I want you to return quickly to the goal point.''

''No.'' My gaze returned back to Kurapika who spoke. ''Since we've teamed up, I don't want to abandon you now.'' I watched as Leorio's face softened before he hardened them by force.

He refused to meet my eyes. ''Then, I quit the team.'' He said and turned away. ''It's selfish after all you've done for me. But I will do this alone.'' _He doesn't want to bother us anymore. He thinks he's being too dependent on us and that he's taking more than he could give to us._

I endeavoured to remain calm and started to take deep breaths. I willed my heartbeat to calm down. _It's okay. Everything will be okay. It's okay. He'll be safe. He will pass and become a doctor._

I stiffened. _Yes. He will! There's nothing to worry about._

 **But what if he doesn't? What if he gets hurt inside the cave?**

''No.'' I gasped out. Leorio stopped. ''We will wait here.'' I said firmly, breathing deeply and slowly. I felt Kurapika's hands on my nape, massaging it since my back was covered with my backpack. I felt Gon's hand squeezing my hand before turning to Leorio.

''That's right! We will stay here! Still got a problem!''

Leorio shook a little and groaned in defeat. Then, he reached out to ruffle my hair. Looking deep into my eyes, he held his suitcase and pushed it to my chest carefully. He turned back and coolly waved his hand as he sauntered towards the dark cave with a pocket knife in hand.

I smiled and clutched the suitcase closer. Turning to the blonde, I thanked him with a smile. He smiled back before retrieving his hand from my neck. When I turned to my brother, I found him smiling happily at me, albeit a little worried.

''I guess we'll have to wait for a bit, then.'' Said Kurapika and we waited.

* * *

Gon, Kurapika and I started coming closer towards the mouth of the cave as the clock ticks by. It was a little entertaining because I didn't notice it until we were right in front of the cave already. But the graveness of the situation made me not to comment and laugh at it.

''He's taking so long.'' I said instead and tapped my foot as I watched the unmoving darkness with unease.

''Is he Leorio okay, I wonder?'' said Gon.

''It's been nearly 30 minutes.''

As if on a cue, Leorio yelled in alarm. ''Kurapika! Gon! Don't come in! Gin! Stop them!'' I stiffened and watched as Kurapika and Gon suddenly ran towards the cave. I tried reaching out to Gon but my hand met air.

''Gon! He said not –'' but the two was already inside. With no other choice, I took deep breaths as I ran behind them.

''Leorio!'' shouted Gon. My heart thundered more wildly than before. Fear raked my spine, forcing me to straighten up. The hairs on my arms froze up because Leorio was on the floor with bites all over his body. There were wiggling snakes all around him, bleeding and in pieces.

 _Snakes… Ponzu… Man with the turban._

''You fools, why did you enter the cave!'' His eyes looked blurred and lacking of life.

 _Vipers…_

''They're vipers. They're venomous. Their poisons aren't that strong. But with these bites! '' Gon sharply said then proceeded to sucking the venom out of the bites. _Just like what Mito did when I turned up at our doorstep, sporting a bite on my ankle._

 _Venomous. You have a bottle anti-venom in your bag. Take it out._

Almost mechanically, I kneeled on the floor and unstrapped my bag from my shoulders. I rummaged it and located the small first aid bag. I took out the small vial of antivenom and opened a tiny bag of disposable injection.

I remembered how patiently Shimura-sensei taught me how to correctly inject someone. ' _This antivenom is very commonly used to treat snake bites'_ , he said. ' _But depending on how strong the bite is or how rare the snakes, it might not work. You better bring the patient to a clinic or hospital, Gin.'_

But there were no hospitals here. They left us here to kill and fight amongst ourselves. They would not blink an eye even if I start shouting for help because my friend, my sweet and gentle Leorio was bitten by multiple snakes and now dying.

I found myself kneeling beside Leorio who was now lying and breathing heavily on his back.

''Do you have a serum in your suitcase, Leorio!'' Kurapika shouted, already rummaging Leorio's suitcase.

''Gon… Don't. If you have any cavities or cuts in your mouth…'' Leorio painfully murmured, voice and strength slowly leaving his body.

 _'Antivenom is injected into the person intravenously, and works by binding to and neutralizing venom enzymes. It cannot undo damage already caused by venom, so antivenom treatment should be sought as soon as possible. Modern antivenoms are usually polyvalent, making them effective against the venom of numerous snake species_ … _some people may develop serious adverse reactions to antivenom, such as anaphylaxis, in emergency situations this is usually treatable and hence the benefit outweighs the potential consequences of not using antivenom...'_

''Leorio…'' I gently shook him. He opened his eye despite his pain. ''…I have antivenom with me. It is used commonly from our place to treat snake-bite. But some people can _develop serious adverse reactions to antivenom, such as anaphylaxis_.'' I quoted. ''Do you still want it?''

''…huh.'' He nodded, smirking a little. _Even when dying, he's still smiling._ ''Calm down, G-gin.'' My breath hitched. ''I… trust ya. Do it. I'm s-sorry… I could've saved you guys…''

I felt my face fall. Telling myself to calm down, I nodded at his unconscious form and injected the antivenom. Afterwards, I helped my brother suck out the venom from his bites while Kurapika worked to stop his bleeding.

The boys lifted Leorio and we made our way out with me leading the way, hugging my friend's suitcase. _I knew this would happen. Why am I so helpless to stop it? Why didn't I do anything? Why am I so needy? Why do I just let fate do whatever? I didn't know Leorio will get bitten but I should've anticipated it when I saw snakes._

''I would stop if I were you. You cannot leave.''

''What do you mean?'' Kurapika replied.

 _We can't leave. Snakes. We can't leave there are snakes._

''When someone tries to exit this cave…'' Ponzu trailed off and I watched as hundreds of snakes started slithering towards us, hissing. ''…the snakes attack them. Bourbon, the snake charmer designed this trap.''

 _Snake-charmer._ I watched silently as Kurapika tried to reason with the Snake-charmer. I tilted my head to the side when I finally noticed.

''…Kurapika.'' The blonde turned to me. I stared at the unmoving snake-charmer.

''It's no use. He's dead.''

''WHAT?!''

''The one who set up the traps is dead? How?'' Kurapika turned to the woman who calmly admitted that it was her and that she wouldn't tell us.

A familiar circle of heat started boiling in my chest – rage. I badly want to strangle the girl with those wide dark eyes and smash her face against the cavern's walls. The girl gasped and turned towards me. Our eyes met and she stiffened. It was silent for awhile until I spoke.

'' I don't care how he died. Only that I have two problems – how to get out safely, and how to get an antidote for Leorio.''

''A-anti-dote?'' Gon asked, puzzled. ''But the anti-venom?''

''Everyone who handles poison has an antidote with them.'' I answered, unemotionally and still staring at the girl, imaging her bloody face in my hands. ''The anti-venom looks like it's not working on him.''

Kurapika whispered to me to calm down. Then, he left a feverish Leorio to Gon and walked closer to the dead man. He reached out and took steps back when all of a sudden, snakes fell and coiled around their dead master. They hissed at him, fangs bared.

''It's no use. Those snakes are trained to attack anyone who approaches their master and leaves the cave. You won't be able to search his body.''

I wanted her nose broken, lips swollen and her eyes unseen due them being too swollen. She'll squeal at the top of her voice like a mouse being squeezed to death slowly. Before I can help myself, I opened my mouth, ''Quit your yapping, girl and pretend you're dead.'' Ponzu stood up, bristling.

''G-gin!'' Gon shouted, sounding appalled. ''We can't afford to fight amongst ourselves! Ponzu-san, we're sorry. Please relax.''

I looked away and stood beside Kurapika. ''So, you used poison to combat poison.'' he said and I followed his gaze towards the snake-charmer's bruised and battered hands.

''Judging from his wounds, you must have used some kind of neurotoxic bees. He probably died from anaphylactic shock.'' Kurapika deduced.

''Anaphylactic shock?'' echoed my brother.

''An extreme allergic reaction that can be caused by an overreaction of the immune system. It can have many triggers such as food or insect bites.'' I recited.

''In his case...'' continued Kurapika. ''those neurotoxic bees. For example, when a person is bitten by a certain kind of bee, the person develops immunity towards the specie. However, if that person is bitten again, it can result to an extreme allergic reaction or anaphylactic shock.''

I bit the inside of my cheek as the girl started telling how she accidentally screamed and killed Bourbon with the bees hiding in her huge helmet. I bit my tongue when I saw her smirking at me, daring me to fight with her. I want to really injure her so badly. In fact, I want to wipe off that self-assured look on her face and watch her beg me to stop...

''We should just wait for the examiners to find us. Since examiners can locate each applicant with the tags. About your friend, all you can do is pray that he holds up until help arrives.''

Without another word, I reached out towards the snake charmer's bag and rooted for a bottle. I vaguely heard Ponzu scream and the two boys yelling my name. I felt the snakes as they threw themselves angrily at me and started biting. ''Found it.'' I whispered and limped away despite the snakes around my body. They crawled away when I was at a safe distance from their master.

The feeling was of course, awful. But for some reason, I felt numbed. My heart wasn't racing like it wanted to get out of its cavity. My breathing felt normal. I wasn't scared even though my vision started whirling and my skin felt itchy and slowly burning. I wasn't afraid.

 _Strange. Is it because I trust them?_

I threw the antidote weakly to Kurapika who caught it easily. I let my trembling knees fall down the hard-floor and crawled towards Leorio and laid myself down beside him, trying to get a feel of his warmth. Gon's teary face hovered over me.

''She's crazy!'' I heard Ponzu yell.

''Gin! Gin! Why'd you do that! You could've let me! I was gonna do it! You haven't fully recovered from the Third phase!'' Gon cried. ''Gin! Why! That… that was so…''

''…Selfish. ''I finished for him. ''I know, Gon.'' I whispered to him as I felt myself getting lighter and lighter. My left eye felt swollen. Suddenly, all my anger towards Ponzu evaporated. ''…I don't want you to get hurt, Gon…I'm sorry. I can't…I can't let you.''

 _So I'll take the burden. I'm sorry. I just want to. I just need to. To make me feel better._

''Here.'' Said Kurapika. ''Let me inject her the antidote.''

I felt Kurapika's cool hands on my arm and the tiny prick of pain and cold liquid entering my body. ''Gon.'' I said and handed him a white tag - #103 Bourbon.

I felt his hand enclosed mine and squeezed. ''Rest easy, sis. You'll be fine.''

I smelled something funny and fell asleep. _It seems all I ever do nowadays...That and get hurt. Ah... The joy of hunter life._

* * *

In the morning, Gon shook me awake. ''Gin! Gin! Wake up! We need to run towards the goal!''

I opened my eyes and blinked away the sticky dried tears in my eyes. They hurt a little when I picked at them. ''Gon?'' I asked.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw a blonde haired boy, ''Kurapika.'' He smiled at me a little bit weakly.

I realised then that I was dreaming of home and that now, I was back to reality.

Someone groaned and I knew without looking that of course, it was Leorio. ''Man… I'm beat and we still gotta run?! Urgh. Gin! Can you stand?''

I sighed and stood in my own two feet. I jumped, trying to get my energy going and grinned at their battered looks. I probably was worse but that doesn't mean they don't look like they need a bath. ''You guys look horrid.'' I told them with a slight giggle.

Kurapika smiled wider and looked down on the floor, closing his eyes. Gon scratched his messy, dirty hair and grinned, while Leorio scoffed and looked away. ''Damn this exam, after it, I'm gonna pamper myself so bad.''

We all laughed. ''Well, come one then! Let's go!'' I yelled and pointed towards the finish line.

I laughed the whole way because we were all wobbly from the sleeping gas. Only Gon seemed a little bit better but he was also exhausted. According to Gon, he left Ponzu with Bourbon's tag so she can be located easily and took her tag for Leorio.

I proudly smile at my brother when Kurapika said that he carried us all out of the cave after they set off a sleeping gas on to make the snakes fall asleep. Gon blushed and looked down at seeing me smiling at him.

''I'm sorry, I fell asleep. I could have helped you to carry them and give you less weight to carry.'' I told him, apologetically.

Before Gon can answer, Leorio ruffled my hair. I groaned. ''Stop it! You're messing it!''

They all snorted, even the ever gentleman, Kurapika. I gasped at their rudeness. ''Why are you guys laughing at?!''

They obviously were trying to stop laughing but failing horribly at it. Gon pointed at his hair while he was busy chortling and clutching his stomach. I pouted and tried to feel my hair.

'' _Oh...my GOD!_ '' I gasped and moaned as I desperately tried to feel and smooth my hair. ''STOP LAUGHING! Since when it has been like this?'' I asked, deeply appalled at the bushy feeling of my hair. It was so messy that my long straight locks felt like an afro! ''This isn't possible! How did this happen! Omygod. Gon! Stop it!'' I shoved my twin. He was caught by Kurapika who gave Gon a gentle shove so he can run straight again.

 _Is this the reason why Ponzu wasn't taking me seriously then?_

I groaned out loud and ran faster to escape them. The jerks laughed even harder. ''You jerks!'' I called over my shoulder. '' Jerks! Where's your inner gentleman! Stop it!'' I groaned again when they didn't and tried my best to dampen my hair, even to the extent that I actually licked my palm to do it. It didn't work.

''God… If Killua sees me like this… I bet he won't stop teasing me about it until I die! Nooooo!''

''Oh! Here comes 4 more applicants!'' I heard the examiner yell upon seeing us.

''Gon!'' I closed my eyes when I heard the boy shout. _Oh GOD. It's coming… It's coming…_

 _It's not coming._

Confused, I looked up to look at the silver-haired boy. I found him staring at me, wide-eyed. Slowly, I watched as his eyebrows started to curl and his mouth twitched up to a full on grin that exploded to a snort and then…

' _'BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!- pfft! HAHAHAHA—''_ He forced himself to breathe. He looked at me again and burst out laughing. ''MYGOD! YOU LOOK UGLY!''

''Gon! Killua called me ugly!''

''Killua! My sister isn't ugly… Only her hair—''

''GON!'' I shoved my brother more forcefully this time.

I crossed my arms and looked away from my laughing friends. Even Kurapika was trying to stop himself laughing. _And here I thought he was the gentleman…_

''Uh, excuse me! Please can you show me your tags?'' The orange-haired girl said, smilingly. She politely didn't gape at my hair. _I think I like her…_ Then her lips twitched.

Whilst Kurapika and Leorio proudly presented their tags, I shyly presented mine.

''Eh? Where's _your_ tag, sis?'' Gon asked innocently.

Killua, the catfish, snorted once again and stood mockingly in front of me with his hands in his pocket. Then, I realised that he was actually a _little, tiny bit_ taller than me. I tilted my shoulders back and held my chin up. His hand moved as if grasping something deep in his pocket. My eyes widened and he saw this.

Before I could do anything, the douchebag pulled out a white wrinkly tag with number 405 clear on it. ''Guess where I found this!'' he sang while waving _my_ tag on air. Kurapika, Leorio and Gon gaped at it then comically stared at me with wide blinking eyes.

''It was floating in the river so then, I picked it up! And wow! 405?! You lost it or something? Got it taken from ya?'' The catfish smirked. I swear I saw whiskers appearing on his cheeks.

Kurapika's eyebrows shot up but didn't say anything. Leorio was just smiling while his lips trembled.

''Ne, sis? Did you lose it?'' My sweet brother asked innocently, big brown eyes blinking like a puppy and his lips puckering slightly. He yelped when I suddenly pinched and squeezed his cheeks.

''Hmm! You're so cute!'' I kissed his mouth loudly. A loud appalled gasp sounded as I continued raining down kisses on my cute little Gonny. ''Hm! So cute! I've been waiting for this for ages….Hm!''

''…Oy. Gin. Reign yourself in. L-let go of your brother…''

I wrapped my arms around Gon and nuzzled his cheek with my non-plastered one, ignoring the eyes upon us. When I looked at him, he was all red. Then, he looked shyly down. ''Sis…n-not in public!''

I muffled a squeal and gave him one last squish.

Beside us, Killua's blue eyes were as wide as saucers and his mouth was fully parted in shock. He had accidentally dropped the white tag. Kurapika was still covering his mouth while Leorio was covering his face with his palm and shaking his head.

''Everyone! Please get on, now! We have 10 applicants for the FOURTH PHASE OF THE EXAM!''

 _And I'm still here!_

 _Authors note:_

 _Hey Guys! This is a very quick update because I finished this chapter just last night! Hahaha I'm now going to start writing the final phase! I think I've written too much angst these past last chapters that Gin needs a breather... hahaha I don't want this book to be just sad. I want her to have fun too and find happiness :) Thanks so much for your kind reviews, favourites and follows. They mean a lot to me. Hahaha_

 _You know that moment when your mom tempts you out of the house and go to a family &friends party? But you're like...no, mom, I'm fine here. Then she asks again, trying to coax you into coming? LOL. I'm such an introvert - a happy introvert. hahaha_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	17. Chapter 16 - Truth about Strength

**Chapter 16 – Interview**

 _''_ _People cry not because they're weak, but because they've been strong for too long.'' ~ Johnny Depp._

* * *

We were led to the Chairman's airship. From the announcement, we were to fly to a hotel owned by the association and there we'll have the last phase of the exam. We were given individual rooms and upon receiving the key, I quickly went to check out my bathroom after saying a brief goodbye to the boys.

Taking a deep breath, I scanned my new surroundings for any hidden traps and the usual monsters under the bed, inside closet and behind the curtains. After seeing none, I ambled towards the bathroom, dropping one article of clothing as I went because I can. Everything dropped to the floor, except my five throwing knives. Now, these I brought with me in the bathroom. Just in case.

The bathroom was beautiful and luxurious, befitting a princess. On my right, was a wall made of mirror while on my left was a shining shower room. On the far end, there was a bathtub filled up to the brim with white bubbles and red petals.

My lips curled up into a wide smile, ignoring how it opened and re-opened the cuts on my dry lips. I took a step forward and slowly let myself turn over my shoulder to my right.

I've seen all the other applicants and no one, no one looked as dreadful as I did. In fact, they don't look half as horrid as I do. They could probably go on as they were and take a family picture and look very fine.

Except I, of course.

And these pretty bright yellow lights did nothing but accentuate how true this was. My hair, indeed, looked like a bird's nest, my eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles below them were more prominent than ever before. The plaster covering the left side of my face was brown with dirt and grime and my lips were heavily chapped.

I've never been insecure about how I looked. Gon thinks I'm pretty, after all and no one has ever called me ugly all my life. With my dark brown eyes, long black hair and pale skin, I knew I was pretty. I knew I would grow up pretty. I've never felt insecure about my own skin.

Until now. Until this wretched Hunters exam.

''I look ugly.'' I whispered. A small laugh left my trembling lips and my vision kept blurring from the unshed tears. '' _I want to go home…''_ I told the girl in the reflection. She cried and smiled with me. I gasped and curled myself under the sink.

Clad only in my knickers, I let myself cry out my relief of being here, of being alive and of being safe even only for a while. I cried because I survived Hisoka in the Third exam, I cried because I killed someone when Gon and the others didn't even need to, I cried because I survived Zevils Island and now I am nearly finished. It's near the end. I only have a day left and it will all be over. I can go home…

 **This is a lie and you know it.**

After tomorrow, I will be safe again. No more matches or competitions where I have to kill somebody, or see somebody die. I can go play dress-ups again, do some training exercises with my knives, go for a run, and eat sweets…

 **Stop lying to yourself.**

After tomorrow, I can start reading my books again. I haven't finished _Basic surgical techniques_ and the _Traditional herbal remedies_. I left them in our room in _Whale Island_ because they were too heavy.

 **After your bath, ask your cards and see for yourself. Gittarackur and Killua. Don't forget Hisoka. It has only begun. And you're too weak to do anything about it. You can't do anything but be dragged into the flow.**

I traced the dry lines on my lips and then removed the plaster on my face. With my other hand, I traced the wrinkled slash on my shoulder. It curved from my collarbone to my shoulder blade on my back. Then, my hands travelled down to my waists.

The two jagged scars were about the size between my index finger and thumb. They curved like worms around my small waist, all pink and wrinkly. For a moment, I let myself complain about why I was the only one like this, about why I was the only one who looked so beaten. Then, I realised it was such a pointless thing to ask. So shallow too. Because I know it was a small price to pay for life. Besides, the scars mean I lived, right? That I survived.

I looked down and smoothed the claw-marks I procured from Foxy when I was six. Overtime, they had faded into small scratch marks. They never bothered me though. Maybe because I deserved every attack he gave me. I had his mother killed after all.

But these new ones, they were a result of cruelty. Of injustice. Of something I received because someone strong decided he can kill me for his pleasure. Maybe that's why they hurt so much and until now.

 _''_ _Everyone! Please may I have your attention! Each one of the applicants are invited to have an interview with the chairman! Now, may we please start with Hisoka-sama?!''_

I jerked at the mention of his name. He seemed to appear everywhere nowadays.

Taking a small shaky breath, I dragged myself and crawled towards the bath tub. Lifting myself into the rose-scented lukewarm water, I let myself relax and closed my eyes, telling myself to be quick about the bath.

* * *

''Uh… would Gin-sama, please attend your interview with the chairman?''

''Yes. Yes. I'm coming.'' I growled as I slipped on my muddy boots and with my backpack on my back, I left my room. When I exited, I found Gon and Killua speeding towards my direction.

''What?'' I snapped at them.

''You're late for your interview. The secretary called us to get you.'' Killua sighed and looked away. ''So troublesome.''

''Thank you.'' I said with a wide grateful smile.

He turned sharply back to me with wide eyes. I blinked at his surprised face. Then, he looked away again, tilting his nose up and crossed his arms over his chest. ''Tche. I didn't know you know that word. I'm surprised.''

My eye twitched. ''Two words, actually. Have you two finished your interview?'' They nodded. ''What did he ask?''

''Oh, just who we're watching out for and who we don't want to fight,'' answered Gon while Killua just shrugged.

Smiling, I hugged my brother and kissed his cheek. ''See you later.'' I whispered. Then to the silver-haired boy, ''See ya, _kid._ '' I waved and skipped away.

''…I swear, you're not gonna get a girlfriend ever.'' I nearly tripped. Glancing over my shoulder, I narrowed my eyes at Killua who narrowed his eyes back. Smiling at my blushing brother one last time, I skipped away. I was late, after all. But later, oh later, I'm gonna give that _boy_ a talk.

* * *

''So, why do you want to be a hunter?'' asked the chairman, smilingly as soon as I sat down on a cushion on the floor. The chairman's office was designed in a traditional Japanese setting with tatami flooring and sliding doors, instead of hinged doors. I sat in front of him with a low table and a cup of green tea each for us. Without caring if it was spiked or not, I took a sip and sighed at the drink's calming aroma. When I looked up to him from the brim, I saw him smiling approvingly at me.

I hummed. ''Thank you for the tea, chairman. It's lovely.'' I told him truthfully. The old man smiled and gulped his in one go. I frowned a little. That's not how Grandma Abe taught me how one properly drinks tea but how he does it is really none of my business. I sipped the tea again and relished at how the warm liquid travelled down my throat down to my chest and my cold stomach.

The chairman was old but only stupid people will underestimate him because for me, old Hunters means strength. They are still here for a reason. His hair was white with age and he kept them in a ponytail on top of his head. His earlobes were stretched and pierced with two pairs of earrings in both ears. His most remarkable feature for me was his thick beard which he caresses down all the time. Gives him an edge, I think.

To my surprise, my stomach growled. I realised then that since the start of exam, I haven't been eating much. Sure, I ate some in Zevil's Island when I was with Kurapika and Leorio but after that…

I looked up when the old man laughed heartily and pressed on a bell. Immediately, the sliding room on our left opened and revealed Bean. I wondered if he was some kind of a magical creature. ''Chairman?''

''Hohoho… Please can you bring some hot buns in here? We're feeling a bit famished!'' He lied.

The green bean-man bowed politely and closed the door. In three seconds, my eyes widened when I heard him at the door. ''Chairman, I apologize for the wait. Your hot buns are here. Shall I serve?''

''Ah…Yes, please! Thank you!''

The green-bean placed a plate with a mountain of freshly baked buns in front of us and placed a small plate in front of me. With a bow, he left the room quietly.

The old man picked one and started eating. ''Hm! Bean's flavoured buns are always a delicacy! Why! Go on, Gin-dear! Try one!'' With one last look at him, I reached and daintily bit into the soft bread. My eyes widened and shamelessly gobbled the rest up. I reached out for more, half-expecting the old man to swat my hand away. When he didn't, I let myself eat the first hot food I've had for ages. Mushrooms, apples, dried fruits, hard bread and dried meat are good sustenance but these… are amazing!

After about 10 buns, I swallowed and carefully sipped the rest of my cold tea. The old man refilled my cup. ''Thank you.'' I said, and I meant it.

He laughed and smoothed his long beard down, eyes glinting. I blinked and remained myself calm.

''You look better. Good bath?'' the old man asked, sounding as kind as the grandfather next door. A tiny bubble of doubt and suspicion started to form inside me despite the fact the chairman just did me kindly gesture. I mean, asking someone if they had a good bath is not really something that just comes up in an interview between strangers… _Unless… they're planning something vile!_ I closed my eyes and sighed at the ludicrous idea.

''Yes, chairman.'' I replied. He laughed again in this mischievous and playful way that I can't help but mistrust.

''What do you think of the exam so far?'' My heart gave a loud thud and started to race as flashes of memories began repeating in my mind. I pulled my hand down under the table to hide its trembling.

''I think… it's violent.''

The chairman blinked and laughed again. ''Hohohoho! Violent? How so?'' he asked, conversationally like we were just talking about the weather in Whale Island – which is always very good and sunny, by the way.

I fixed my face and answered; ''Lots of blood and killing involved.''

He cocked an eyebrow up. ''…And you don't like that?'' I didn't like the he sounded surprised.

''No.''

His smile widened a little and his eyes glinted with something a little bit malicious. ''Then why are you here? If you don't like that?''

''Because my brother is here.''

He hummed and nodded seemingly satisfied with my answer. He procured a pipe somewhere and started blowing smoke. ''Oh, do you mind?''

 _Yes. But you've already started. And are you really asking me?_

''No, chairman. Please go on.'' I bowed my head silently.

''You seem devoted to your brother, Gon Freecs, right?'' I nodded. ''Twins…Apollo and Artemis, You know them?''

''Greek God of the Sun and Greek goddess of the moon.'' He nodded with a smile.

''In some cultures, they are seen as ominous and in others auspicious. They say twins share a bond deeper than any of ordinary siblings….'' He trailed off and I kept my face pleasant. ''They also represent light and shadow – Yin and Yang.''

''…Yin – the negative, dark and feminine while the Yang, positive, bright and masculine.'' I cut in. ''Sounds a bit sexist, but go on.'' I urged him drily.

 _Stupid bitch! Just keep quiet and let him get on with his monologue! Bitch! He's taking too long! Might as well help him get on with it! You're needlessly attracting attention towards yourself! Oh shut it! He probably knows I killed one of his past examiners already! He must've watched the video too,_ sounded my inner person.

The old man chuckled, amused. ''Yes. Yes. A social disease, they call it. But I must say, I am impressed, you are the only girl who have gotten this far, a rookie too!''

''Thank you.'' I just said, uncertain if he was complimenting or insulting girl power.

''But you are not an ordinary girl, are you? Most girls would love to stay home, play with their dolls and look pretty-''

''I love all those things myself.''

''Then, why are you here, Gin-dear?''

''Because my brother is here.''

The old man smirked. ''Ah… such devotion, such love towards your brother. I commend you for that.'' I blinked and waited for him.

''So, you haven't answered my question, dear. Why become a Hunter? Is it also for your brother?'' His voice dropped into a mocking tone.

''Yes… and no.'' I admitted. His eyebrow raised. ''Being in this exam…'' _hm… I need to be careful about what I'll say here._ ''taught me many things.'' The old man smiled and tilted his head to the side, urging me to go on.

''The strong prey on the weak. They find each other, seek each other, and fight each other, uncaring and crushing those who get caught in their way. All they care about is what they want.'' I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself rambling.

''So, you want to become a hunter and defend the weak.''

I chuckled sarcastically. ''That's… a very pretty notion.'' I refocused my gaze to the chairman who was caressing his long white beard.

''Yes… very pretty. But why are the weak, weak?'' He asked me, sounding a little harsh. It is understandable. Chairman Netero was strong. He trained hard to be what he was right now. And he has the right to disdain those who don't bother to train themselves and suffer the pain of becoming strong, and then complain about being weak and wanting equal rights and justice. For him, weakness is not a reason, just an excuse.

''Many are those who measure their strengths with how many weak people there are. Just as how rich people count their fortune by the abundancy of the poor.'' I said, thinking of poverty-stricken villages and luxurious cities, of starving children, dying children, raped women, drunk men, abused men…

''Sometimes, weak people are born weak – by poverty, or by sickness. Sometimes it can be a choice where one selects a life of peace and prosperity. But sometimes, weakness are for other things like greed, like sins. The strong prey on the weak. They take pleasure from the weak. Therefore, they _make_ the weak.'' I smiled harshly. ''That's just how this world works, I guess. In the end, we're just animals. It is the survival of the fittest.''

When he just stared at me, I didn't let myself think or panic about it.

''I want to a hunter because I don't want to be one the weak. I _won't_ … I won't let the strong prey on _my brother_ , on Kurapika, on Leorio, and on Killua. And on _me_.'' I spat out, remembering Togari's cruelty and the examiners' blasé attitude towards the death and suffering of applicants. And of course, of Hisoka's perversion over my brother.

Mito's face flashed in my had, Grandmother Abe, Shimura-sensei, Ranma-san, Yukiji-san and her bakery, the kindly fisherman, the nice villager, the eager student in school… ''I won't let those I care about be _crushed_ by the strong. For that… I _will_ be strong. If becoming one of you is the way to that, then I will have it and I _will_ survive it.''

I didn't notice that I was trembling until I stopped. Chairman Netero threw his head back and let out a powerful laugh that cause me to start in alarm. I realised then that I blanked out for a while, thinking of how scared I am of this exam, of how scared of I am of these strong people, how I hate this wretched exam, how I hate Ging, Hisoka, Togari and Gittarackur, and how _utterly terrified_ I was of the future.

I straightened in my seat and held my chin up as I waited for the old man to finish. Somehow, I am starting to regret ranting all my secret thoughts to him. I frowned, confused of how I opened up so easily to this old man. I figured that he was just that good.

''Well, Gin-chan. That's very brave of you.'' I glowered at his choice of words. ''Very impressive, indeed.'' He nodded, still observing me. I don't like it.

''Any more questions, chairman?'' I don't even care if that sounded rude. I stayed in his presence for too long that now he can manipulate me so easily. He waved a lone finer at me.

''Ah. Ah! Last two questions!'' I stilled on my seat.

''Who from the rest of the 9 applicants are you watching out for? And, who among them do you want least to fight with?'' He asked in his usual lively and airheaded tone. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes at him.

''I'm watching out for my brother for positive reasons, of course. He's just so fu—freaking reckless all the time! Not to mention he smiles at everyone! He's just too trusting towards strangers even though I tell him about stranger-dangers all the fu-freaking time!'' I sighed, shaking my head. ''It's so hard to block his sweetness, sometimes… Well, for negative reasons, then it's….Hisoka.'' I growled out. ''and Gittarackur, too. Both of them make a good feather duster. I don't want to fight them or be in breathing distance with them at all.'' I turned my gaze back to the chairman again who was busy scribbling maniacally on his notebook. I raised an eyebrow. _I have a bad feeling about this. Where's he hiding his horns and tails?_

''Alright then! Thank you for your time! You're dismissed!'' He yelled cheerfully.

I stood up and bowed. ''Thank you for your time, chairman. Have a good night.''

''Hohohoho! _Thank you,_ Miss Freecs. Have a good rest for tomorrow!'' I curled my lips up to a smile though it felt more like a grimace.

 _That sounded too ominous to be kindly. Did I just dug myself a grave or something?_

* * *

Alone in his room, the chairman chuckled to himself as he tilted one flavoured bun in his hand. ''No wonder number 44's so attracted to her…'' he said to himself. ''Now, now… who fights who and who…''

''Uh, chairman… would you like another set of buns?'' Bean asked from the door.

''Hm? Oh, these are alright!'' He replied and took a bite.

''…Oh, if you say so, chairman.''

 _''Truth buns_ … are a real delicacy.'' He laughed out loud to himself. ''Miss Freecs' brighter and softer than I thought…''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Hey guys! Who do you think she should fight with?! Oh dear... I don't really know what to do with Killua's upcoming arc...Gin's too tired and stressed out to meditate and ask her cards about the future. Let me stress to you guys that Gin doesn't know everything in the story. What she has are vague memories of what's going to happen, not everything about everyone. And as she grows up, she starts to forget stuff from her past life. If you've noticed, she rarely thinks about past life anymore. And the way she knows about the future now is through her cards. The stress of remembering her past was well... very stressful for her mind that it pushed it away. Meditation and those X cards are a way for her to retain important facts. In other words, she's a self insert, yes, but more an OC. She doesn't know every detail of the story._

 _Thanks so very much for your reviews, follows and favourites! I'm so happy! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I love writing it. Oh, what do you think of Gin's notion of strong vs weak?_

 _HXH is not mine. Only Gin's. Got some references from wiki about twins and greek gods too. Last chapter, I forgot to reference Wikipedia on my information about antivenoms! SO SORRY!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	18. Chapter 17 - Master of my fate

**Chapter 17 – The Last Phase -**

 _''_ _I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul~ William Ernest Henley_

* * *

After the interview, I went to my room as fast as my two walking legs can make me. Fortunately, I didn't bump into anyone and managed to lock myself up in my room safely. After checking my room again for any intruders, bugs, monsters, strangers, perverts under my bed and other potential hiding places in the room, I threw myself into bed and just lied down for a while.

That interview was so awkward and definitely unsettling. I couldn't for the life of me understand the old man. He was odd, always wearing a happy, outgoing, mischievous façade in front of everyone. Not to mention, he left himself utterly undefended in that room. I figured that he was also confident with his abilities. It was the ever-present glint in his eyes that placed me on edge.

Shrugging, I forced myself to sit up and drag myself to the floor. I really wanted to go out and find a rooftop or something, but that's dangerous. I mean, what if I accidentally get myself thrown away off the plane?! So I think I have to make do of what I have and be grateful I was given a room. But still, they didn't need to give me one, I could've shared with Gon.

Speaking of him, he hasn't knocked my door and I forgot to ask his room number.

Taking a deep breath, I began to sense the room for any other presence by smell, hearing and then _Nen._ When I found none, I slowly opened my aura nodes and let my mind force flow out and cover my whole being. Slowly, I felt myself feeling better. My head felt lighter and my limbs stronger. I am not sure if the effect was due to the _Nen_ (which I think is highly likely), or just mental. Either way, I am grateful.

Entering my subconscious state, I imagined darkness, a low white table and a deck of XX cards.

 _Killua and Gittaraku_ , I thought and hovered my subconscious hand over the cards and then laid them flat on the table. I picked up once card.

It was a picture of a young, expressionless man with empty dark eyes, a pale face and black hair – dark as a raven's. His eyes were wide as if surprised and innocent-looking at the same time. Nevertheless, he still looked very creepy. It was Illumi Zoldyk or Gittaraku. As I peered at the card, I thought of finding Killua and telling him.

 _''_ _Hey, Killua. You know, Gittaracku? He's actually your brother – Illumi Zoldyk. So, when you see him, don't get surprised.''_

 _''_ _Huh? How did you know that?!'' Killua would say, suspicious. One wrong word and he will strike at me. Gon's sister or not._

 _''_ _Yeah, sis…How did you know?''_

 _''_ _I kinda can see the future.''_

 _''_ _What?! Since when?...''_

And that will lead to a very long explanation that could take form of many things. For example, I could say they are visions or dreams – coming unexpectedly at me which can explain my eye bags. Or, I can say I see them when I meditate. Or both. I could say I see things that hasn't happened yet and meditation helps to keep them at bay.

 _Hey! That's not a bad plot at all! Ha! Well done me! I may have a future in literature._

Or I could just leave things as they are as usual…

I laid the card down and pulled another card. This one was Kurapika and Hisoka. My eye twitched upon seeing Hisoka's smirking face as he seemed to whisper something that can probably be only foul in Kurapika's ear. Kurapika only looked surprised.

Now, the next card looks absolutely dreadful. Because it was Killua's face again – all bloody and assassin-like. _I really prefer him when he's acting like a cute, annoying catfish._ I frowned, worried. So, Killua will be killing someone in the last phase? _Who?_

I picked up another card with anticipation. _Bodoro_. I couldn't help but gasp at the picture. It was Killua with his hand piercing through Bodoro's arched back. _Why?_ My head throbbed in protest but ignored it.

I pulled another card which showed the same image as the first one – Illumi Zoldyk.

Illumi Zoldyk will appear as himself and cause Killua to kill Bodoro?

 _Show me what will happen after the exam._ I asked, in exchange with a stab in the head.

A card showed me a mountain which I recognised right away as the Zoldyk family's base of operation. _Gon and his friends will go to the Zoldyk house to rescue Killua,_ I deduced.

I know that Gon, Kurapika and Leorio will pass but Killua won't because I know he'll pass the next year's exam. I know that fact. _But how? Does he forfeit?_ I gasped as another pain stabbed my head as a result of the question.

I groaned in frustration as the card in my hand just showed Killua's killing of Bodoro. ''Why the fuck can you not speak!'' I asked loudly in frustration.

So Killua doesn't pass because he killed Bodoro. I snapped my fingers in realisation. It make sense! Killua forfeits… or loses because he killed Bodoro because Illumi tells him so? Illumi's power lies in manipulation using his needles. It is a high possibility that he manipulated Killua to kill Bodoro. _Killua's bloody forehead._ Killua has a needle lodged in his forehead which he will remove in the future. I think that allows Illumi to control him. After the exam, Gon will go to the mountain to 'rescue' Killua because they're friends. _What happens next?_ I felt the headache spread from my temple to my forehead in a rush. Still, I continued.

The next card showed a picture that I've already seen. It was Gon and Hisoka under the bright glaring lights. My brother was holding a #44 tag in his hand and offering it to a smirking Hisoka whose dress colour looks different.

With a sigh, I let my mediation fade away and I nursed my terrible headache and the fact that my nose was bleeding again.

 _Nen_ – Enhancer, transmutation, emission, manipulation, conjurer, specialist. I still don't know which _Nen_ type I am. Gon's an enhancer, Killua's a transmutation, Kurapika's a conjurer/specialist, and Leorio's an enhancer. They will all pass except Killua if everything plays down to what I've seen. But… _How about me? Who am I going to fight? Hopefully, not f*cking Hisoka. Wait. What if Netero decides I should fight him?! There are 10 applicants = 5 matches = 5 loses? But that doesn't make sense! If 5 people can lose then why did Killua lose? Oh, maybe he lost with the other losers? But Leorio. How did he pass? He's not really a strong fighter. Killua killed Bodoro. Leorio passed. The other applicants are; Bodoro, Hisoka, Gittarackur, Pokkle, Hanzo, Kurapika, Leorio, Killua, Gon and me. Pokkle is surely stronger and quicker than Leorio._

I pulled my hair and groaned while still leaning forward and breathing through my mouth. ''It's all so confusing! So, Killua kills…'' I snapped my mouth shut. _So Killua kills Bodoro and fails? But who is Leorio fighting?! Killua kills Bodoro because of Illumi Zoldyk._

I sighed and dragged myself to bed. Now, I know some will die and it's fucking Bodoro. The question is, should I do something? Now this is an interesting question. One that could potentially ruin my whole being.

See, to be honest, I don't really care if the old man dies or not. I know! Hear that scream? That was my good guardian angel moaning in pain. She can't even move anymore, you know. I think I've broken her wings. But if the card shows him dead in my cards, then it probably happened in the book. So, if I saved Bodoro… what if it results to something really drastic? Like I or Killua dying on his stead? Like Leorio not passing an exam… _Who's fighting with Leorio?_

Leaning on the pillows, still holding onto my bleeding nose, I forced myself to enter my subconscious using _Nen_. It was easier than I thought. _Who fights Leorio in the final exam?_

I picked up a card by imagination and willed it to flip and show me a picture. It was Killua killing Bodoro.

I sighed and dropped the _Nen_ again. It makes sense now. Killua kills Bodoro causing Leorio to win. So, it must be a rule not to kill anyone. _Now that! That rule I like!_

 **What if you're wrong?**

Oh shut up! If I'm wrong, Gon will still be a hunter, and so will Kurapika and Leorio. Killua will be fine and retake the exam… Gon will be fine until he faces the chimera ants and Kaito gets killed…

Someone giggled in my head. I didn't notice I giggled as well. **''Meaning he doesn't fucking need you. What are you here for then? Comic relief?''**

I took a deep breath and calmed my breathing. But I was right. What was I here for? Why do I exist? Do I even exist? Or is this some kind of imagination I came up with?

My stomach churned and I leapt from my bed to the toilet and vomited.

 **What are these scars for? What is your life for? What are you crying for? Gon doesn't need you.**

I stood in front of the bright mirror and cut my hair angrily, yelling at my own dark thoughts to stop. Just when my long dark strands were scattered lifelessly on the floor did the feeling of anger, betrayal and confusion abated. I stared at my reflection and closed my eyes. The dark mirror of my dreams roared into my mind's eye. I clenched my fists and forced my head blank.

''I need to sleep. The final test starts 8 am tomorrow.'' With this objective, I mechanically walked and get to bed, still heavily armed. Remembering Togari, I removed him from the confines of my backpack and placed him on the bedside table.

I ignored the urge to find Gon and the overflowing desire to feel his comfort. I laughed despite the tears, remembering Yin and Yang.

Perhaps the myth was more accurate than I thought.

* * *

I woke to the sound of some angry knocking and shouts.

''AIRHEAD! WAKE UP! GEEZ! WAKE UP!''

''Uh, Sis? Wake up please?! We're late! The chairman has postponed the test for 15 more minutes!''

''CRAZY CRY-BABY! URGH! GON! LET'S JUST LEAVE—''

I opened the door with a sigh. ''Come in.'' I groaned out loud. ''Lemme just brush my teeth.'' A hand held my wrist. I scowled at Killua. ''What?!''

''What happened to your hair?!'' He glared, eyes flashing and lingering at the uneven cuts of my hair. For a moment, I was caught in the angry flashing of his eyes. The colour was almost electric blue. Gon shoved his friend to the side and blinked at me with astonished and worried eyes. The door closed shut behind them.

''Gin!'' he reached out and carefully touched the ends of my hair. ''What's happened?'' he asked, softly.

I sighed and waved off their worried expressions (angry for Killua) a smile. ''Did you get into another fight when we're gone?'' Killua accused, narrowing his eyes.

I rolled my eyes. ''I just needed a haircut. I have a feeling we're going to have a one-on-one fight today so I cut them so they don't get in the way.'' I droned and ignored how they blinked in surprise, taking my answer into consideration and mentally agreeing to it. ''Now, I just need to brush my teeth…''

''You're late and you're still going to brush your teeth? Let's go!'' I tried pulling my hand but the boy's grip was sure strong. I turned angrily to my brother. ''GON!''

He smiled peacefully and turned to Killua. ''Killua, maybe 3 minutes of brushing wouldn't hurt.''

''3 minutes? Do it in 30 seconds! Go!'' I made a horrified expression as the silver-haired boy started pushing to the bathroom.

''What kind of brushing is that? Wait! Get out! I need to pee!'' Killua blinked and groaned, messing his hair and then glanced at the hairs on my sink. His scrunched up expression soften a little and then he shrugged, placing his hands deep in his pockets again. My lips curled up. _Tsundere._

''Fine. Fine. Be quick about it! Geez. You're such a pain…'' I shoved him out of the bathroom and locked the door.

''30 seconds!'' I heard him from outside the door. I scoffed and went to relieve myself. As I sat down, I said; ''3 minutes!''

''Your 3 minutes is almost over!''

''What?! That's too fast, bastard!'' I flushed the toilet and went to brush my teeth. Someone groaned in frustration from the other side of the door.

''Killua,'' I heard my brother patiently say. ''its okay! I don't think they'll start without us.''

''its 8:05! It's supposed to start 8 am! Snot-girl! Come out! We're late!''

''The chairman extended it to 8:15! He said Gin was interviewed last and finished a little late…''

I spat out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth, remembering the interview. I washed my face with cold water and sighed at the feeling. Today, Killua will kill someone and then leave. Gon will follow him to his house in Zoldyk Mountain. Illumi Zoldyk will appear. Kurapika, Leorio and Gon will become hunters. Bodoro will die, killed by Killua. Then he'll go all depressed and shit and run back to their lair.

''Snot-girl!''

''Yes. Yes. Coming.'' I dried my face with a hand-towel and dragged myself to the door. When I opened it, I found an extremely irate catfish who was tapping his foot. Gon appeared behind him smilingly with my backpack in his hand. He pushed his way towards me and then turned me around. A sense of déjà vu hit me as I felt him raise one bloody strap and I mechanically slipped my arm through it, same with the other.

Killua re-appeared beside me without me noticing he left in the first place with my hip bag dangling in his hands. He roughly slipped the heavy bag around my hips with his lips curled in disdain. ''Geez. Who do you think you are, a fucking princess—''

''Killua, language!''

''Tche.'' Killua crossed his arms and I smiled at him genuinely, appreciating the sweet gesture.

''Thank you Killua.'' He stiffened. ''Although you could have had just threw the thing to me and I could've done it—''

''Be grateful and shut up!'' roared the young assassin and turned his back on me. Again, tapping his foot. I just shook my head and turned to my brother.

''Sis! Here.'' Gon handed me _Togari_ with his usual bright grin and shining light brown eyes. I smiled again and thanked him with a kiss.

Killua started stomping towards the door. ''Come on! I'm itching to finish this exam. Troublesome… I thought it'd be more fun.'' He complained. I ignored the pang it brought to my chest. _My scars are certainly not fun at all._ My hand slowly traced the scratch on my face from that evil bear.

I tilted my shoulders back and held my chin up. Before me, I watched Gon and Killua animatedly talk with each animatedly.

 **Why am I here?** I closed my eyes and cleared my head, ready for the next battle.

* * *

When I entered the examination room, everyone's eyes zeroed in me much to my dismay. I stood up straight and gave them all a deep bow and deeply apologized for the inconvenience I brought. The chairman just laughed heartily and waved it off, saying something about not being in a hurry anyway and that I probably found it difficult to sleep last night for the last phase. My eye twitched in annoyance but remained bowed for a second more before assuming my place in a line the remaining applicants made.

The chairman pulled a board covered with a white cloth. After a while of suspense, he presented the board to us, revealing a diagram of applicants. According to him, only one will lose today and that one win will cement your hunter's license. I endeavoured myself to remain calm upon seeing my face next to my brother.

From the looks of it, he was to first to fight with Hanzo, the bald ninja. Then, the loser of that match will fight me. If I lose in the fight then I have the chance to win again if I fight again and win against Pokkle.

''Some of the applicants like #294, 405 and 406, have more chances in winning after they lose,'' commented Kurapika.

The Chairman laughed mischievously. ''They are arranged at which you are scored in the exam!'' He said. Next to me, Killua stiffened.

''And can you tell us the ranking of the scores?'' _Does this mean Gon and Gin were scored higher than me?_ Went unsaid. But I certainly caught onto his growing unease. I waited for the Chairman to answer.

''NOOOO!''He bellowed at us. I started but found myself not surprised at this. ''But I can tell you that you were scored depending on mental fortitude, endurance and creativity, among other things.''

I felt Killua's aura get darker and darker at each passing second. I imagined myself reaching out to his hand but was slightly afraid he'll stab me to the heart in surprise and annoyance. Instead, I shrugged. ''Weird. And here I think I'm ready to die in stress here.'' I pursed my lips and ignored how his head snapped to mine. ''They'll probably testing us now too. Set us to be at odds with each other. Mental fortitude…'' I added lowly and glanced over my shoulder to meet his wide unblinking eyes. I let myself blink in confusion then frowned.

''WHAT?!''

He narrowed his eyes at me, looking high amused then scoffed and looked away.

I secretly smiled and remained my confused façade. I crossed my arms and Killua jumped away with a sneer when the hook bill knife on my right hand nearly stabbed him. ''Oh, Sorry…Always forget them.'' I drawled.

His eye twitched and then proceeded to ignoring me by turning to my brother. When I made to look away, my eyes met someone's yellow eyes. I stiffened and stared back at him, not allowing myself to look vulnerable under his snake-like stare. He was smiling as usual. He seemed amused. I narrowed my eyes to slits towards him and looked ahead to the board once again. As expected, he was to fight Kurapika and Bodoro.

I glanced towards the calm old man, wearing a similar kind of martial artist outfit as Netero. He looked kind and grandfatherly compared to Netero. He glanced down to me as if sensing my stare and I saw as his grey eyes softened and he gave me a slight nod. I looked away and nursed the painful clench in my chest.

 _Why do I end up facing walking dead men all the time?_

 _I don't want him to die_ , I realised. _I want to save him._ I closed my eyes and started my breathing exercises. **You can't save everyone…** _Shut up. I'll think of something._ _ **Would you die instead of him?**_... _Shut up._

''Oy. Calm down.'' My breath hitched when Killua whispered to my ear lowly. Opening my eyes, I turned slightly to him. ''Calm down.'' He repeated again.

I smirked weakly. ''I am calm.''

The boy was quiet for a moment before leaning away. ''There's that rule. No killing or dying or else you're disqualified. You'll be fine.'' He said, lowly. I met his blue eyes which unusually sincere and warm. Then, I looked down to our feet. I nodded and gazed ahead.

There were 9 men in black suits standing stiffly in a line on one side and then the past examiners – Satotz, Lippo, Bean, Menchi and Buhara on the other side. Soon after, the first fight to happen – Gon vs Hanzo was about to start. Then, it was me VS Hanzo. If I lose here, I was to fight Pokkle.

I was tensed as I watch my brother and Hanzo facing each other. Between them, the referee spoke: ''I will serve as the referee. My name is Masta'' He turned to my brother who was staring at Hanzo. ''Best of luck.'' I swallowed my spit and tried to stop the coldness I feel.

Gon smiled. ''Ah. Hanzo-san. First, I need to thank you for taking care of my sister from the third phase.'' He bowed. ''Thank you so much.''

The older man blinked and bowed back shallowly. Then, he turned to the examiner and said something about each of us being assigned an examiner and that we've been being tailed since the fourth phase. I observed as Gon realised he didn't notice. _That's okay, sweet brother. I didn't either._

''We only win if our opponents surrender, correct? It doesn't count if we knock them unconscious and no TKOs either.''

''Yes. That is correct.'' Replied the Matsa, the examiner. Hanzo looked down to my brother.

''For Gods' sake, calm yourself down. I'm tired hearing you breathe so damn loud!''

''Shut up!'' I whispered back. ''Hanzo's stronger than Gon and faster. He'll torture the surrender out of him… But he won't surrender… he won't…''

''Now, then. It's time to begin!''

My brother sped away to put distance between himself and Hanzo. My eyes widened when Hanzo blocked my brother's small form. I watched helpless as his eyes widened in ultimate surprise and fear. A hand gripped my arm tight as vice as I took a step forward just when the ninja hit my brother's back. I gasped out a weak call, ''Gon!''

''Stay here!'' Killua's hot breath tickled my ear. Gon's eyes were wide in pain and some spit flew out his mouth. He fell on the floor. I _…I don't remember this part_. My brother…My sweet Gon…His eyes were wide in pain and he groaned and moaned in every punch and kick he helplessly receives from someone stronger than him. I trembled and tears started blurring my eyes as I watched Hanzo bend my brother's back and the way my brother's eyes focus and blurred.

But he still didn't want to admit defeat.

He slipped his foot and tripped my brother, looking down at his frail form. Then, he continued beating my brother up. Gon screamed. I started. I've never heard him scream before. I heard Leorio and Kurapika shout. Killua's hand tightened even more around my arm.

''Stop…Don't. Don't hurt him.'' I whispered. My baby brother… My sweet happy brother being tortured in front of me by someone stronger….

''CALM DOWN GIN!'' Killua whispered, shaking me a little. I felt my back rest on his chest as my knees started to weaken.

''I am descended from a clan of shinobi, a clan of covert agents.'' Hanzo lifted himself up to his hand. ''From the day I was born, I was forced to endure harsh training in order to master the art of ninpo…'' he bragged.

 _Ninjas – taijutsu, ninjutsu, genjutsu…_

''You are no match to me. I am trying to be nice. Surrender.'' I jerked up in surprise when my brother landed a quick kick at the bragging ninja. A relieved gasp left my aching throat and I can't help but smile proudly at his determined expression despite of the pain he was enduring. But then, he dropped promptly on the floor.

''My head cleared a bit after all that pain and long explanation!''

''Alright! Go get him Gon! Kick him whilst his down!'' cheered Leorio. I chuckled, Killua's hand slackened around my arm but didn't let go.

''KICK HIM IN THE BALLS, GON! SEE IF HE DOESN'T FUCKING SURRENDER!'' I roared, raising one blade up in the air. ''KICK HIM SO HARD, HIS FUCKING ANCESTORS WILL SQUEAL IN PAIN!

''….''

I felt all their stares but chose to ignore them. Meanwhile, Killua shook his head and sighed loudly. Someone else snorted and muffled a laugh. Gon trembled and forced himself to stand up. He ignored my suggestion but that was okay.

''If you're eighteen. You're only 6 years older than I am. Besides, this isn't a battle to see who's stronger. But to see who's willing to surrender first.'' He groaned out, clutching his broken arm.

Hanzo jumped gracefully to his feet. His nose was bleeding profusely. '' I let you kick me on purpose.'' He said with a flat face. _Ha! Liar!_ I smirked.

''LIAR!'' shouted Leorio.

I sobered up when his whole persona changed. ''This isn't a warning. This is an ultimatum.'' Hanzo pulled a blade from his arm. ''I will cut off your legs.'' He promised. I stiffened and Killua's hand coiled around my arm again. ''I will cut it so they can't be re-attached. Surrender now.''

''No! I cannot accept that! So, let's find another way to fight! I don't want my legs cut off! But I don't want to surrender, either!

'Kid! Do you not understand your situation?!'' I ended up bursting out laughing at seeing the older teen's reaction. Sweet, naïve, determined Gon had him riled up. ''You don't get to make demands! Are you insulting me?! I'm seriously going to cut off your legs!''

''But I still won't surrender.'' I took a deep breath at his expression. ''Besides, if you do that, I'll bleed to death. So we don't want that, right?'' he said, innocently. I chuckled. _That's true! My brother's so cool and smart!_ I sighed.

My face fell when suddenly Hanzo appeared in front of my brother, sword pointed at Gon's forehead.

''God! Calm down!'' whispered Killua again.

 _Gon…_

''If I kill you here. I can start again next year.'' Hanzo said lowly. ''You really don't get it. If you die, you'll never have the chance again. It is time you understand, that we are not on equal footing here!'' he shouted. Killua's hand tightened in my arm even though I was unmoving. I shifted slightly towards him and saw him watching the fight closely. _He will kill Bodoro… Later… But why?_

''Why won't you concede? It's easy to do.'' Hanzo asked again, frustrated when he didn't get a surrender. Instead, my brother's eyes remained bright and focused on him. ''You can try again next year. Do you really value pride over your life!? You're willing to die for your pride?!'' The ninja roared.

 _No. I'm not. There's no pride in death. Nothing is worth anything in dead men._

''I'm going to find my father,'' said Gon. My eyes snapped up to his small and battered form. His eyes shone with such brilliance absent in mine. ''Gin and I. We're going to find our dad.'' He added. Killua turned to me. I blinked; face emotionless. _But I don't want to see him ever again…_ ''Our dad is a hunter! That's why! I'm going to be a hunter and find him!''

''Dad?'' people whispered.

''I believe that I will find him one day. I have a feeling that if I give up now, I will never find him.'' It was quiet for a while. Then, much to everyone else's' surprise, Hanzo yielded. Killua's hand left mine and he too, took a surprise gasp. I watched as my brother complain some more before he dropped in exhaustion.

He was carried on a stretcher and they brought him to be patched up. He passed and now, it was my turn.

* * *

My dirty feet stepped on the blood-stained floor. I looked around me and found everyone watching us. My eyes landed on Bodoro who was standing beside Gittarackur and Hisoka. _I don't want him dead._

''I am still going to serve as your referee,'' said Masta.

I craned my neck up and met Hanzo's searching eyes. I tilted my eyes to the side, wondering what it was he's trying to look for. ''Yes?'' I asked.

Seemingly disturbed, ''hm.'' He hummed and shook his head.

''If that's all, then we can get started…'' The referee paused. ''START!''

No one moved. I felt odd again so I waited for him to attack. I saw his right tense and in a flash, I felt him behind me. _What's these guys and behinds?_

Despite the fact that I was stretched awkwardly, I broke out in a misplaced amused chuckle. _God, I need to stop thinking like this in the middle of a serious situation._ A sense of déjà vu hit me and I can't help but moan in pain and laugh harder. ''Ouch…'' I groaned as the 18-year old ninja push his knee on my back. His breath was warm in my ear.

''W-what's funny?'' he asked.

''Oh… Sorry. I…ah…I just thought of something really fu-uhnny…'' He pulled harder. ''God! That hurts…'' I moaned. ''Hmm… so good.'' I lied. It actually hurts a lot. Like my spine was going to break soon. Why did I lie? I thought if maybe I think it felt good it would hurt less, you know.

The ninja let go as if burnt. I pulled my weakened arms back and propped myself up from the white-tiled floor while taking heavy breaths to fight through the painful tingling of my arms and my spine.

I felt the cold steel of his sword on my neck. But he didn't draw blood. _What a gentleman._

''Are you not going to surrender too?'' He asked gravely.

''Hmm…I don't know...'' I sang, unafraid. I rolled to my back with my elbows propping me up. With my eyes half-lidded, I smiled seductively at the 18 year old ninja. _What?! He's hot and my dear brother's not here!_

I groaned as the coldness of his sword kissed my neck again. He was sweating and his eyes wavering. The whole place was silent. I inwardly smirked. _Keep going,_ I thought to myself. _He's uncomfortable. Tell him you like him, tell you want him with your eyes. It's easy. He's hot. Admit it._

''You're hot.'' I told him and watched his shoulders slump in surprise. I heard someone groan 'Oh god' from the audience. Feeling more confident, I touched the cold steel with a light finger and slowly reached out for his hand without removing my heated gaze from him. I touched his hand lightly, turning my gaze down then up to his again. He gulped. Without letting him gain his composure, I pulled him down to the floor.

''Oh my god….'' I heard Menchi exclaim softly.

''Wha—wha-what iss….''Leorio stuttered.

Setting myself astride on him. I ignored the sudden flash of memory that overcame my mind and didn't let myself freeze for more than one second. I let my hands move up from his hardened stomach to his broad chest. I tilted my head to the side, leaning in to whisper to his reddened ear. I smirked when I notice him shaking. ''Cat got your tongue?'' I drawled, copying the way I remembered cat woman did.

''HANZO YOU PERVERT BASTARD! GIN! GET OFF HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANT!''

I smirked, loving the power I had over him. But the ninja seemed to regain his composure and pushed me off him. I gracefully rolled and sat up. The ninja stood up, bristling with pink cheeks as he looked down at me. His aura was heavy and threatening as he pinned me down with his disapproving stare.

''I apologize but I do not like the company of 12 year old girls.'' He said harshly.

I fluttered my eyelashes at him and pouted. _A sign of submission. Some men love that._ Biting my lip, I tilted my head to the side and showed him my neck. ''Ouch.'' Smilingly, I stood up slowly. ''But let me tell you a little secret.'' Everyone waited.

''Some men like curvy women. Some men like slim women. Some men like old women. Some like young women. Gentle women, rough women, pretty women, ugly women, pretty men…'' I drawled out the last part. Hanzo's eyes widened.

In a flash, I sprung up and threw myself on him. He landed on his back on the floor roughly. I felt his soft gasp on my face. Sitting up, ''Most men don't know what they like until they've tried it.'' I told him, twisting my voice and making it sound almost sad.

I let my face change into a cruel one as I brought _Togari_ who was lying next to him against his neck. Blood trickled down. He stiffened. ''Now… '' I swallowed and pursed my lips as I stared down at him. ''Will you surrender to me or do I need to kill someone again?''

He stared at me with wide eyes. I ignored how more blood rushed out and how my chest hurt. ''Please… '' I whispered, voice breaking. ''Don't let me kill someone so soon again?''

He blinked. ''I- I surrender…'' he whispered.

''Uh… a-hem! Hanzo-san surrendered. Gin Freecs wins!'' Masta announced. From my peripheral vision, I saw Hisoka started clapping his hands.

I smiled wider at the ninja as the others slowly joined in. Then, slowly his lips twitched and he shook his head in defeat. ''I can't believe this…'' he murmured, bringing his palm over his eyes.

''Uh… please, uh… get off Hanzo-sama now…'' the referee hesitantly said, stepping closer to our forms.

Hanzo removed his hand off his face and waited for me to move off.

Someone gasped, someone muffled their cry, some yelled; ''GIN!''

I pressed my mouth fully on his and playfully nipped at his lower lip. ''Good luck on your next match, handsome.'' I leapt off him, _Togari_ in hand. I waited until he sat up and stood before I bowed at him. He bowed back though a bit stiffly. I walked past him and let my smirk fall off.

I avoided everyone's stupefied looks and installed myself beside a staring Killua. I turned to him with a calm look on my face. ''I had to do it.'' I told him.

He blinked then scrunched up his eyebrows at me. ''Really?'' he replied, drily.

I sighed and crossed my arms. He moved away my knife. I gazed ''He was a lot stronger than I am. I can't fight him fairly in a full on fight.''

''…So you seduced him?''

I turned my gaze at him and smiled mischievously. ''Yep.''

''That's all?'' he cocked an eyebrow up.

I stared at the older teen on the floor, waiting for his new opponent. ''That… and I like him.''

I didn't need to turn to him glowering at me. ''He has _no hair_ _._ ''

''Hm…'' I smiled, still staring at the ninja. _He's got a fine ass._

''I'm gonna tell Gon.'' He decided out loud. I turned sharply to him, hand flying to my mouth after a gasp escaped.

''No.'' I said, unbelieving.

His whiskers shot off and he simpered, looking absolutely pleased with himself. He chuckled evilly. ''Oh, I can't wait. _Oh hey Gon, you know, when you were unconscious, you're sister kis—''_

I closed my palm over his mouth and glared at him. ''D-don't tell him! He…he'll…Just don't tell him, okay!'' He raised his eyebrows that meant _'what do I get in return, huh?_ '

''I'll… I'll pay you…'' he raised and checked out his nails, looking bored. ''I'll…buy you ice cream?'' He blew on an imaginary dirt. ''I'll…Fine! Whatever you want!''

At this, he turned to me with a roguish smile, whiskers fluttering excitedly. ''Whatever?''

I gulped. _Bad idea! Bad idea!_ ''One thing! Just one!'' He smirked.

''Fine…I guess I'll keep this one a secret.'' My eye twitched in annoyance. Turning away from him, I watched as Pokkle sweat in pain as a grave-looking Hanzo bend his back painfully. In a minute or so, the younger boy surrendered and Hanzo won at last. I clapped my hands with a wide beaming smile. Hanzo's eyes met mine for a second before he looked awkwardly away.

''Next match: Kurapika vs. Hisoka!''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Thanks so much for the reviews and the followers and favourites I'm getting. I'd love to hear from you guys. EveryShadowhasitstwin- I'm glad you like Netero's POV last chapter! Well, this is Gin VS Hanzo! What do you think? Hope you didn't get too blown away. WavyWavy- I'm glad you love Gin/Hisoka's personality difference. Thank you for your worry. Hehehe I really appreciate it! Well, I'm on a vacation and Uni's not until October. I just really love writing the story so I cant stop writing it. Hahaha. I'm addicted to her story. And yes! She has a very strong bro complex. Gon is her one and only. After her father left, she held onto Gon as her life line. It's her greatest strength but also can be counted as a weakness, I guess. Soulsof theBluefirePhoenix- Thank you! I've been binge-writing the story too. I hope you continue reading and keep telling me what you think. havanatitiana - Yes! She lost her tag last last chapter hahaha. I think it's just so her! Well, last chapter, Killua found it floating in the river! What consequence huh? Acrazyfrenchgirl - Hey! Thanks for your review! I love French and france! I'm so happy you love Gin's sweet and mad personality! And Hisoka *heavy breathing*, the anime just made him so perfect and evil! His voice in the 2011 anime is just effing perfect!_

 _For everyone I didn't mention, I'm sorry! Please keep on reading and tell me of what you think of this chapter? Hanzo/Gin this chapter! And a little bit of Killua/Gin there! Hahaha! Can you just imagine their faces when Gin started using other methods to win? Are you surprised at her improvising? Do you know whose POV i'm really needing to know whilst watching her match - HI-SO-KA. I WONDER WHAT THAT PERVERT WAS THINKING! Oh, sweet Gin! Why do you keep digging a grave for yourself?_

 _So sorry about any mistakes here!_

 _Review, favourite or follow! Enjoy! Hunter X Hunter isn't mine!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	19. Chapter 18 - THE HUNTER EXAM

**Chapter 18 – THE HUNTER EXAM**

 _''It was like a nightmare. It's painful for me. Because nobody wants to die too fast.'' ~ Attack On Titan_

* * *

After my 'fight', I was calmer and completely ignored everything else. Everything was going into my 'visions'. Killua has already forfeited his match with Pokkle ( _that arrogant catfish_ ) Bodoro will soon fight with Leorio. But he will die somewhere around that time.

As the fights go on, the more heavy and numb I felt. I have come up with two things. One- I let it happen and get on with the plot. Two- I jump in at the right time and let Killua kill me. One was cowardly where two was heroic. One sounded good. Two sounded good and bad. One was letting fate be the master of my life, while two was me saying _fuck off fate_. One sounds easy, while two was hard.

Many of the applicants watch wide-eyed and open mouthed as Gittarackur removed the needles off his face and neck and revealed a rather handsome young man, if not for the fact that his eyes were blank and creepy as his voice and the fact that his waist was smaller compared to his upper torso. I'd say he's hot if I'm not too scared of his freaking needles.

Bodoro was still being cared for. He was still ignorant that later on he be killed by a child. Then he'll be no more. The memory of him will disappear. In this whole room, his name and his face will fade overtime. His home, wherever that is, he'll never get back. If he had any grandchildren, they will never see him again. Because another child, Killua will kill him.

But if I die in his stead, I will lose everything. If I didn't die and I successfully stopped his hand before it pierces the old man's heart, will Leorio pass? I could give my card to him but Leorio's too prideful to accept a charity case like that. If Bodoro dies, everyone will become hunters and Leorio can become the good doctor he will become.

 _What is the life of one old man?_

''I… I want to be friends with Gon.''

My eyes regained its focus and my concentration focused on Killua. Gone was the confidence that was always present on his shoulders and gone was the bright mischievous look on his young face.

His face right now didn't resemble the Killua I know. He wasn't the smirking Killua, the catfish Killua or the assassin Killua. This one I was watching was just a lonely child who wants friends and one who was utterly terrified of his brother.

I frowned when Illumi began threatening my brother in his normal uncaring tone. He took few steps towards the door before Leorio, Hanzo and Kurapika appeared and blocked the two double doors. The reactions were indeed very interesting if the not for the fact that my innocent naïve brother just received a death sentence.

I took in a shaky breath but remained in my place, watching the events unfold. Killua looked even more terrified. I blinked and shifted to meet Kurapika's curious grey eyes. We stared at each other for a while. Of course, this didn't appear unnoticed by the assassin and everyone else in the room. Their faces turned to me, confused that I wasn't the first to be at the door, growling like a mother bear protecting her cub.

I turned and met the older Zoldyk's empty black gaze. His head was tilted to the side and he slowly turned and walked towards me. I endeavoured to stay calm and observe any sign of aggression from him.

I admit that I was glad he didn't appear behind me. Instead, he was the first villain ever to stop and address me face to face. I craned my neck to meet his eyes. From the edge of my vision, I could see Killua now facing towards our direction. His hands were clenched into tiny fists and the poor boy was visibly shaking. I almost wished he had more strength to run and push me behind him to try and protect me from his older brother. But alas! I wasn't that important, I guess.

''GIN!'' shouted Leorio. I didn't move my gaze away from the older Zoldyks'. Looking into their depths, it was easy to look as blank as possible since his eyes are just like that. I didn't feel any spine-tingling and coldness on my skin. In fact, all I felt was an unadulterated curiosity towards this mystery of a man. Maybe there's a bit of fear of being turned to a needle cushion but…there's something odd about him. One I cannot place. One that makes me wonder. I guess my fear has been diluted by my curiosity.

From what I've seen, Illumi can control people using his needles. I shivered despite myself. If there's something I hate, that will be needles. I leaned backwards a little when the older Zoldyk leaned forwards, placing his hands on his knees. ''Eh? You sure are weird…'' the older Zoldyk said. Now this guy, is neither pervert nor paedophile but he sure is a psychopath and he is _friends_ with Hisoka. Though I'm not sure about the dimensions and their type of friendship.

 _Wait… They're not 'that' kind of friends, are they?_ Unconsciously, I broke out eye contact to look to my side, mouth parted in shocking disbelief and my hands clutching my cheeks. I felt my face heating up and I found it extremely hard to look back to his eyes again.

 _Is this why they are dressed similarly to each other?!_ I bit my lip to stop my mouth getting even wider and to stop the grin that was threatening to break my face. My eyes travelled from his green shoes to his green leggings, tiny waists, slim needle-infested chest… _Okay…I need to get a hold of my.._

I yelped in surprise more than pain as a needle lodged itself into the right side of my neck. ''So tell me, do you consider Killua a friend?'' Illumi asked as I fell into my knees, palpitating and squealing as small bursts of electricity travelled from the needle down to the rest of my body. Someone yelled my name.

When a stronger volt hit me, I screamed loud and clear as it traversed down to my right arm, hot and cold at the same time. My heart was loud and uneven in my ears. I moaned when the shock abated and then replaced by a buzzing that brought painful needle pricks all over my skin.

''Well?''

I gritted my teeth. ''You… sadistic basta—aaaaaaa!'' I screamed again as another shock raced down my spine. I heard someone yell my name again though they were smothered by my own scream. He mercilessly gave me another bolt which had my other arm burning.

''FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. YOU DIP-SHIII….'' My throat broke in another high-pitched scream as he tortured me more.

''STOP IT! STOP!'' I heard Killua's small voice through the torture. _God… I've never understood torture until now…_

''Eh? But I haven't even started?'' His dead-pan voice sang.

''Y-you ha-haven't?'' I heard my tiny breathless voice ask. But I'm not sure if anyone heard.

''If you continue, you will be disqualified.'' Someone said.

''Yes, you sadistic motherfucker…'' I croaked out louder. ''You suck as a big brother. Lemme...'' he gave me a warning buzz of electricity. ''lemme advise you how to take care of siblings…'' I wiped away the drool from my mouth. ''Well… first, you got to shower them with love… You know love?'' I pulled myself up weakly to sit on my back legs then moaned from the searing pain all over my body. ''It's not the I-love-you-but-I'm-gonna-hurt-you because I fucking love you kind of love…'' I pointed at him and waggled my forefinger side to side. ''That… that you can save for your girlfriend or boyfriend –aah!'' I yelped as another wave of electricity travelled into my brain, jerking my head to the side. It caused my eyesight to black out for a little second. ''I think he's trying to kill me…'' I mumbled.

''Gin! Stop provoking him! Bastard! Stop it! She doesn't have anything to do with this! Killua's our friend. Killua's her-''

''—Leorio! Stop!''

I turned towards the voice blindly, squinting my eyes to peer at my blurred surroundings.

''Whuu? You sayin' something? Well? I'm getting tortured here and no one comes to save this damsel in distress? Fine! Be like that. You fucking idiots!'' Still, none came to my rescue. Leorio who was being stopped by the arm by Kurapika doesn't count. Someone from the examiners will be nice...

''Still none?'' I crossed my arms and pouted. ''Fiinee! I'll just save myself again. So annoying, where's my Gon when you need him?'' I grumbled.

I forced my quivering knees and stood up, swaying a little. I fell onto Illumi Zoldyk's chest. ''Ooh!'' I pushed away lest he thinks I'm molesting him. When I found my ground, I removed the needle from my neck with slight groan of disgust and pain. ''Here.'' I handed the clean needle – no blood or any fluid around it. _He was that good that he didn't even draw blood._

 _''She's mad…''_ someone whispered.

'' _She's lost it…''_

''Yes. Yes. I'm mad. I'm crazy too. I'm probably gonna die next year or something so leave me be, _fuckers_.'' I waved my other hand and announced drily, so tired of being treated like this. The older Zoldyk silently took the needle from my hand.

I moaned when my head felt like mush and my feet feel like they were floating. I held my head then checked out my tingling arms. They looked clean as if they were never hurt in the first place.

''How did you do that? One moment I was feeling shit and then now…I'm still feeling shit… Was that an illusion?'' I asked him. He only blinked as an answer. I nodded. ''Ah... I see. Okay...''

''Gin! What are you doing! Run away!'' Leorio waved his arm angrily to emphasize.

''Coming…'' I droned and started trudging towards them. My eyes fell from Leorio then to the examiners. '' _Useless cunts.''_ I mumbled under my breath and focused on the swirling floor. I heard Leorio and Kurapika as they started running to catch me halfway but then...

Just as I was going to walk past Illumi, I started and groaned in frustration when suddenly he appeared behind, holding my shoulders with warm hands.

 _I thought they'd be colder like vampires but seriously? He's one of those guys too?_ I thought. But I was too wobbly that I shamelessly leaned on him. However, the large head pins on his chest were rather uncomfortable.

 _If I was going to die at least I got to lean on my murderer's chest._ I grinned sleepily and chuckled.

''Killua. You say you want to be friends with Gon. How about her? Do you like her?'' Illumi inquired, sounding curious. I looked up. _That's a good question. Well, do you?_ I asked Killua through my eyes. Illumi's hands were almost gentle on my shoulders like he doesn't expect me to run away. Killua as expected, was too scared to answer. I sighed, giving up in life. _Why is everyone trying to kill me in this world?_

As if he gotten an answer, Illumi hummed again. ''Alright then!'' he raised his dead-pan voice higher. ''I will kill her-.''

''NO!'' Killua's voice suddenly reverberated all around us. He paused, breathing heavily. Then he looked down in defeat, his shoulders slumped and his silver hair shadowed his eyes. ''I forfeit! I forfeit this match'' He weakly whispered.

''Ehh?'' Illumi sounded confused, though obviously he wasn't.

''-Killua forfeited! Gittarackur wins!'' voiced a spooked referee. I got to give him Kudos. I could tell he thinks by announcing the end, Illumi Zoldyk will let go of me.

I blinked, trying to get a read off his aura but I sensed no bloodlust. In fact, there was nothing. He was different to Hisoka, I realised. With Hisoka, I could almost feel and taste everything he was feeling but with this guy, his emotions were on lockdown. This means that this guy can just suddenly twist my neck in half a second without even giving out a hint of wicked intent.

 _Assassins. Killers. Merciless. Emotionless._

What is the life of one girl?

His hands left my shoulders eventually. ''Eh… That was easier than expected.'' He whined, voice pouting and impassive at the same time. I took a sigh which I shouldn't really have but did anyway. After all, you can't let an enemy know what relief you feel if you got away. I think it tickles their inner sadistic streak. But Illumi Zoldyk completely let go of me and placed himself by my right, standing like nothing happened. It stung a little that he could act so nonchalantly after he just tortured my poor soul. Beside him, on far right, I saw a little movement of red and lavender – Hisoka.

The atmosphere relaxed and people started moving normally again. I started when a black figure appeared on my side. His hairless head shone under the bright lights. Before I can do anything else, I felt his arms curl gentle and warm behind my knees and around my shoulders. I blinked and focused on his solemn face.

''I'm sorry.'' He whispered and in a flash, I was beside my friends with a traumatised Killua not far away.

''…Last match; Bodoro VS Leorio!'' Another referee announced.

Kurapika rushed towards us. Hanzo gently kneeled on the floor and supported my back. ''Gin…'' Kurapika said, voice full of guilt. I felt myself soften. He was probably feeling bad for not running to my rescue me before I was unfairly tortured.

Even though I should, I cannot stay mad at him for long. If he had rushed towards me, Illumi just might kill me straight away or attack him as well. But still, I thought that they would, at least, keep me company as I scream and twist in pain.

I smiled up to him weakly. ''Hey, _pika_ …''I broke out into a small chuckle. ''You mind? _Pika_?''

The blonde smiled, eyebrows curling as if he can't believe I came up with such a cute name for him. Then he just shook his head. He turned to Hanzo. ''Thank you, Hanzo-san.''

I turned to the ninja and gave him a true radiant smile. His lips were so close to mine too. Our eye met and he awkwardly distanced himself from me by standing up and looking far away.

Kurapika took his place and started massaging my tense back, drawing little circles in an attempt to comfort me. I snuggled into his neck closer, sniffing his scent – books, blood and sweat. ''You're alright, Gin…'' he whispered softly in my ear, again and again. ''So sorry…so sorry…'' I smiled, eyes burning.

When I closed my eyes, I remembered Illumi. His eyes were made of shadows. Like the shadows and the darkness inside my head. As I gazed into them, they gazed back. For me, his eyes were the representation of _Invictus_ \- Unbowed, unconquerable and unafraid.

 _'Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole. I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.'_

I watched with half-lidded eyes as Killua remained stiff and motionless from the other side of the room. His aura was dark and withdrawn but none seemed to notice. If Gon was here, he would. If he was here, he'd be able to stop Killua.

' _In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced or cried aloud. Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody yet unbowed.'_

I focused on Leorio's determined expression. His fighting stance was sloppy and weak. Armed only with a small pocket knife, he has no chance of winning against a seasoned martial artist like Bodoro.

' _Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms the horror of the shade. And yet, the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid.'_

My breath hitched when Killua appeared, fast as a blink of an eye behind Bodoro. The old man glanced back, surprised and puzzled to see the kid.

 _'It matters not how strait the gate, how charged the punishment the scroll,_

I remembered glancing at Bodoro during the briefing. He felt my stare and looked down. His eyes softened, probably remembering a grandchild or another child dear to him, someone waiting for him at home. He gave me a small nod as if to comfort me, _everything will be alright_ , his eyes said. I looked away then because it hurt.

Now, his back arched, his mouth opened in shock as the last yelp of pain left him. His hands clawed and his fingers bent in surprise and pain. Killua's sharp nails and pale hand had pierced through his chest. When he pulled back, blood rushed out in heavy splotches and stained the floor. Killua then raised his head and I caught a glimpse of his lifeless eyes and blood-splattered face. I recognised that face immediately. I've seen it before I've even met him – the Assassin Killua.

Before anyone can approach him, he disappeared in a blur and the big double doors of the room opened and shut. There was a small uproar before they announced Killua to be disqualified for killing another applicant.

As for me, I remained half-lying and half sitting against Kurapika's chest, watching the corpse from far away. After contemplating so hard about what to do about this situation and after imagining it loads of times in my head, watching it occur for real seemed nothing out of ordinary. I felt oddly numbed. I felt nothing when I know I should. I just want to get on and be done with it.

The blonde suddenly stood up so I had to support myself to stay upright. The blonde dashed towards an angry Leorio and tried to calm him down but at the same time, he backed his arguments up with some reason.

 _What is the life of an old man_ , I wondered silently. _Bodoro, the martial artist_. Leorio was shouting and complaining, venting his anger out loud and trying to make excuses for Killua's actions. For the first time since I met Leorio, I didn't find his voice soothing or warming at all. Instead, they lighted a hot fire inside my chest and I have this urge to pummel his idiotic head to the floor or the wall just to fucking shut him up. No one seemed to care of the old man. No one defended him. I remembered his comforting smile. That one second of kindness was enough for me to know he didn't deserve this.

 _Bodoro, the martial artist_. He was probably a teacher or a grandfather, perhaps both. Why did he want to become a hunter? He's old. It can't be for fame, can it? For money?

I watched as the referees carried his body out of the room. He didn't help me when I was being tortured though. He watched just like all of them did. If I died then, he'll just continue and I'll be nothing but that poor girl who died in the last phase of Hunter exam. Saddening, yes, but that's the way of life, dear.

''Hohoho… An unexpected turn of events! But now is the end of Hunters exam! Congratulations! I declare all of you – Hunters!'' the chairman announced, despite the heavy atmosphere.

I stood up slowly, using my hands for support because every part of me was sore and weak. I was going to follow the others to the door when I felt someone rush and appear behind me. I gasped and nearly fell forwards. An arm wrapped itself around my waist.

'' _Hm… Don't forget this, Gin-chan.''_ Hisoka drawled. I scrambled forwards, grabbing and pushing his arm away.

Taking a deep tired breath, I snatched my bag and _Togari_ from his hands. I looked up to him with narrowed eyes. ''Here I thought we were _friends_.'' I spat out with some venom. ''That green thing your best friend or something?'' I jerked my head up, glowering at the tall red-haired man.

He tilted his head to the side and bent down to keep our face parallel to each other. His eyes were slanted and smiling as usual. When he spoke, I detected the edge from his tone. '' _Hm?_ _What makes you think that?''_

My head gave a little throb and my shoulders slumped. I poked and massaged my forehead. I fought hard to remain strong until I find a good spot to rest on. Of course, he noticed this. '' _Shall I carry you to the nurse' office, Gin-chan?''_

I scoffed, lips curling up to a scornful smile and turned away, ''Where do you think we are? A shoujo manga?''

He giggled and easily caught up with my clumsy and uneven strides. ''Go away, Hisoka. I'm tired. Can't play with you.'' I mumbled.

I jerked away when he bent down again and whispered coolly in my ear. My breath hitched as I felt his strong hand firmly on my other shoulder as if to catch me should I fall sideways. '' _Will you play me when you're not?_ '' The hairs on my arms stood up as fear crawled up my spine. _WTF?_ _He's playing me again,_ I thought, more depressed than scared.

I was too tired to actually engage in a wit fight with him. Because a wit battle can actually develop into a physical death match when it comes to Hisoka.

''Hisoka!'' I opened my eyes and found a scowling Kurapika with his wooden swords drawn in his hands. Leorio was behind him, tensed and armed with a pocket knife. _Oh, my fair haired handsome prince!_ I inwardly swoon. _And Leorio, of course._

I only blinked and eyed Hisoka suspiciously when he actually let go and then raised his hands in mock-surrender. Then, I twitched when I felt his hand tug at the uneven strands of my hair with a smirk _''See you later, Gin-chan,''_ he purred before he sauntered away.

'' _Urgh._ Hope not.'' I grumbled, rubbing my cold and exposed arms.

Kurapika jogged towards me, eyes worried. Our eyes met and he looked like he was searching me for something. ''Gin? Did he do anything?'' I shook my head. ''Come. Let's go and have you checked.'' He reached out and took my wrist, pulling me ahead.

As I passed Leorio, he leaned down and curled his arm around my knees. ''You're gonna be fine, shorty.'' he said, voice low and serene.

I let Kurapika and Leorio carry me towards a referee who the blonde asked politely if I could be checked of any internal or external injuries. We were led into my brother's room where he was fast asleep.

As they checked me up, I glanced over my shoulder to watch the beautiful sunshine outside. There was a pink cherry blossom tree in full bloom right outside the window whereby my brother sleeps. I already forgot what time of day it was or how long I was in that room. But seeing this, I realised that it must be sometime in the afternoon. I felt Kurapika hold my hand and squeezed.

The medic handed me some painkillers and muscle repair tablets and then said that I will be fine after rest because the shocks I received weren't life threatening at all. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from make him feel what 'not life threatening' really feels like. As if sensing this, Kurapika's hand tightened in mine while Leorio ruffled my hair and thanked the medic politely, dismissing the guy before I strangle the life out of him.

I popped one tablet into my mouth and let Kurapika hold a glass of water against my lips. He did this again after the next tablet.

To my surprise, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and realised that I was actually frowning. _I'm going to have wrinkles by the time I'm 13…_

''Do you want to rest here beside Gon?'' he asked, even though he knew the answer already. I nodded. I felt Leorio kiss the top of my head. I blushed at their sweet gestures.

''Shorty. Have some rest, okay? We'll wait.'' I nodded, soothed from his gentle tone. I felt a twinge of guilt inside my chest but ignored it. I can't believe I actually thought ill of this good and gentle man. Leorio's kinder than I am. Leorio's an angel. He wants to become a doctor for a very noble reason. He wants to help people, cure their illness and tell them it was free. I felt my tears as they fell and I wiped them quickly.

After pulling my hand away from Kurapika, I crawled into my brother's side. Ignoring everything else, I closed my eyes and not long after, they left us alone.

 _'I am the master of my fate, and the captain of my soul.'_ The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth but I swallowed it anyway.

Because right now, I feel like a slave to fate and he is the one steering my soul.

I fell deep asleep very quickly and when I opened my eyes, Gon was gone.

* * *

 _Author's note: Poem here is Invictus by William Henley._

 _Okay... This was a hard chapter to write. Super hard. Ohmygod. I'm not so confident with this chapter at all. What do you think?! I am so glad! So glad the exam is finished! I'll write one or two more chapters for this arc before we go through the Zoldyk's arc!_

 _From last chapter: When a man isn't honest, the boner is. LOL! I don't know if I'll write other POVs for last chapter. But I know it will be interesting. Gin cries a lot because unlike the others, she actually sees the other applicants as people and even though they don't care for her and probably will kill her if need be, she still don't want them to die (even though she says she doesn't care about other people). I don't know if you guys have noticed that? Because while writing it, I realised it. I think in order to seduce someone, one needs confidence and Gin certainly have this, even though she needs getting used to her new scars. I'm glad you guys are loving her character! I also hope she'll get to accept this new life of hers and gain some confidence with herself. Maybe after the exam, she'll find herself again. I wish that you enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think! Oh and Illumi! I actually had a dream last night on ILLUMI ZOLDYK! AHAHAHA I WAS HIS WIFE. AHAHAHAH xD Gin was reminded of shadows by Illumi's eyes. I guess this chapter is dedicated to Illumi Zoldyk._

 _Is it abnormal that I find it hard to watch HXH without Gin?! HAHAHAH_

 _HXH isn't mine!_

 _Abby D._


	20. Chapter 19 - Only the beginnings

**CHAPTER 19 – ONLY THE BEGINNING**

 _''Love me or hate me, both are in my favour. If you love me, I'll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind.'' ~ William Shakespeare_

* * *

When I woke up, I did it slowly. First, I knew I was awake. Second, I knew I was in a bed. Third, the bed smelled like Gon and fourth, I knew he wasn't beside me because he wasn't cuddling me like his teddy bear. Opening my eyes and stretching over his empty spot, I slowly propped myself up and arched my back like a big cat. I yawned and loved the way the sunlight hit my skin. Humming, I stared and watched the Sakura tree and the lovely day outside.

Of course, I remembered where I was right after I finished admiring the beauty of life and the nice silence. _Bodoro died._ I sighed, feeling my facial muscles tense up. My breath hitched and force myself to lie down and then gave myself a face massage while thinking only of good things…

 _Hm… Wait a minute…I'm sure the good things will come…no no no… Tunnels, wetlands, pigs, red-haired snakes…Kyaa! Okay! Oceans, sea gulls, salty breeze, ginormous trees, pretty flowers – bluebells, roses, dandelions, multi-coloured heathers, meadows, cute but no touching bears…_

I sighed and smiled. _I feel prettier in an instant!_

Someone coughed. I started and tensed up, ready to run away. ''I apologize, Miss Freecs.'' I blinked and found a reading Satotz not far from me.

''Ah…Good morn—good day?'' I managed to say. The first examiner only blinked and examined me with a flat look on his face over a book. _He's cute,_ I thought. _I wonder how he looks when he was a child…_ I looked away and covered my whole face to hide my growing smile.

I cleared my throat and masked my face with a serious one. ''Uh, do you know where my brother is, Satotz-san?''

''He left for the orientation. He told me to tell you this should you wake up without him.'' I slowly nodded.

''Is there anything I need to know? Should I…''

''I suggest that you take your time in bed and rest, Miss Freecs.'' He cut in then snapped his book shut. ''Alright.'' He said and carried his chair and himself over near the bed. I remained in my place near the window; a space the size of Gon between us.

The first examiner seemed to smile. Then, he pulled out a folder from behind the pillows and offered it to me. ''Congratulations, Miss Freecs. You are now a Hunter.'' He offered his other hand for a hand-shake.

My eyes were wide and surprised at his nice gesture. But then, just as I was going to reach and shake his head, I faltered a little, remembering Bodoro's face, the sniper #80, the climber from the tower, _Togari…_ I started when his hand enclosed mine and gently shook it. I blinked and returned it with a small smile. ''Thank you, Satotz-san.'' I said.

''Hm. You're welcome, Miss Freecs.''

I turned and looked down to the dark folder in my hand, ''Gin is fine, Satotz-san.'' I told him airily. Upon opening the folder, there was a small card lodged inside and on the other side of the folder, some information on what being a hunter entails.

Apparently, I now have 95% access of public facilities for free and at first class. I also have the freedom to travel around the world. I have access to about 90% countries which would normally restrict entry to outsiders and 75% prohibited areas for the general public. In addition, I now have the ability to murder someone and literally get away with it! _Oh, Hisoka will love this. This was probably his main reason for wanting to be a hunter._ Furthermore, I can sell my card as a valuable collector's item and I can sell it so expensively that it could support 7 generations of living in luxury. _Now this sounds good to me._ I could also use my license as collateral for a zero-interest loan of 100 million Jenny at any bank. And last but not that least, I have access to the secret hunters-only website where secret intelligence about various subjects are uploaded by other hunters for a price. _Kurapika will love that last one._

I scowled and re-read the first benefit: Does this mean…

''Is there something wrong, Miss Freecs?'' I heard Satotz calm voice. I turned to him.

''Mr. Satotz, does this mean that I can go shopping and buy any clothes and jewelleries I like with this license?'' I asked, literally beaming and trembling in unadulterated excitement.

The examiner blinked. ''Well, in normal stores, yes, Miss Freec—''

''YES!'' I jumped up and down on the bed, clutching the folder into my chest. ''Oh my God! Think of all the clothes I can wear! The costumes I can make and wear! The make-ups! The jewelleries – pearls, rubies, sapphires, pretty cat ears, lovely chokers, the weapons I can buy…'' I groaned and dropped myself to lay on my back and raised the folder up. I opened it again and stared at the card.

''…Most people treat their Hunters License as something very important. So important that they will die for it…'' My smile faltered when the examiner spoke. ''To some hunters, their license is their pride, their honour and their life.'' I sobered up, fingers tracing the card. For this card, many people died. For this card, _Ging_ left. For this card, I was and am hurt.

''Well that's ridiculous.'' I told the examiner and sat up. I saw him straighten as if offended. Smiling harshly, I turned towards him. ''Pride and honour means nothing when you're dead.'' I looked at him but saw not him but the void and feeling of just floating away. I thought of how desperate I am to just live.

''When you die, you become nothing. You'll have nothing, not even your name. Nothing Mr Satotz, nothing is worth anything to dead men.'' I took out the card from the folder and slipped it into my sports bra since my hip bag and backpack were far away.

Then, I raised my arms and stretched, watching pink flowers sway and fall down. Leaning my head on the cool wall, I let myself think of beauty and life, of home and fun, and of course, costumes. _I told myself that I'd dress as McGonagall next! Hm! Love her hat! Hm. Can't wait. I'll have a black pointy hat, a green cape, a black long dress and black shoes. YES!_

I looked up when three knocks sounded at the door. I turned to Satotz who also turned to me. When seeing I will not answer, he stood up and opened the door.

''Ah! Chairman. Miss Freecs have just woken up.'' He said as the Old chairman entered. I narrowed my eyes, suspicious. I moved towards the edge of the bed to get my weapons strapped back.

''Hohoho! Oh no, Miss Freecs, no need to stand for me. I'm just here to congratulate you for passing the exam.'' _I ain't gonna stand for you old man. I need to get my weapons and run away because I don't like that look on your face. You're planning something!_

I slowly fixed my face to an innocent understanding expression. I relaxed and stayed still. If that's the only thing Netero wanted, Satotz wouldn't leave me alone here with only a low 'excuse me'.

''Can I help you, Chairman?'' I asked, politely.

His eyes glinted and he smiled as he made a show of sitting down on Satotz' previous chair. His eyes fell on the folder carelessly thrown on the bed. He reached out and opened it. ''I see you've taken your card.'' He stated the obvious.

''Yes.'' I replied.

''How did you find the last phase?'' he asked. I turned and gave him a ' _seriously WTF'_ look but he pretended not to have read it and waited patiently for my answer.

''Very stimulating. Lots of shocks, nerves and muscle tears involved.'' I said dully.

He jerked his head as if to nod. ''Ah! Yes! I commend you for your bravery and strength during that time, dear –''

''Thank you and please get on with what you want.'' I politely/rudely said. The old man laughed heartily.

''Ah… that spark! That spark is definitely you.'' My upper lip curled in disdain that I quickly removed from my face. I didn't say anything but waited for him to say what he wanted. I found myself watching outside. I blinked, straightening up when I saw Gon, Kurapika and Leorio. They were conversing happily with Pokkle.

''I have a proposition for you.'' I hesitantly shifted all my attention to him when hearing his serious voice. His eyes watched me, observing like a hawk, calculating every expression he'll see on my face.

''Yes?'' I asked, raising my eyebrows a tiny bit.

He smiled mischievously and started smoothing his white beard. Behind him, I saw a flash of memory. A golden statue with many hands. When I blinked, it was gone. I looked down and met his eyes once again.

''I invite you to become my apprentice.''

I froze. I blinked. I tilted my head to the side and I looked down on my right, frowning. Opening my dry mouth, I closed it again and swallowed. With difficulty, I looked up to meet his glittering amused eyes. ''Sorry, chairman. What did you say again?''

''Hohohoho! I see that surprised you! Gin-dear! I ask you if you're interested becoming my apprentice!''

My right eye twitched and I stopped the _No way_ coming out from my mouth. Instead, I looked on my left and watched my brother and his friends plus Hanzo who looked like he was going away now. _Aw… I didn't even get to say goodbye…Netero's waiting for an answer._

Sighing, I scratched my face and massaged the wrinkle threatening to form on my forehead. ''Why?'' I asked.

''Hm? Why not?'' was his airheaded reply.

''Why do you want me to be your apprentice? Are you dying or something?''

Netero laughed out louder and clutched his stomach. ''I just realised I should probably get one. Are you saying yes or no, Gin-dear?''

I watched my brother. ''…It's tempting. But I—''

''—can't leave your brother.''

''Ye—''

''STUPID!'' I yelped in surprise and hit the back of my head on the wall when the old man suddenly bellowed at my face. I massaged the growing bump.

''Ouch…'' I groaned. Then, the old man sat back again and returned to his usual mischievous foolish man façade. He laughed and smiled, scratching his head as if he didn't mean to do what he just did.

''You know you'll have to let go of him in the future, Gin-dear. If you continue as you are now…'' his voice dropped and his mellowed grey eyes suddenly sharpened like knives. ''You will either get yourself killed or get your dear brother killed.'' My breath hitched, eyes glued to his. I swallowed my dried throat. _But… with him, I know what's going to happen… I can help Gon. **He doesn't need-** I CAN'T LEAVE HIM! _If I do…

''Hohohoho! I don't want to stress you out even more Gin-dear.'' He stood up and threw me a little rolled parchment. ''The Hunter's association building in one month. Don't make me wait too long, Gin-dear. Bye!'' He stood and I listened to the slow and unhurried clacks of his shoes disappear from the door.

I unrolled the parchment weakly. I smiled, despite myself. On the paper was a kid's drawing of a building with a XX sign in the middle.

' _'You will either get yourself killed or get your dear brother killed.''_

 _But I won't. Gon will be okay until the Chimeras appear. I can't leave him. If I do… then, I will be no worse than Ging._

* * *

Hisoka stopped his walking upon encountering a marbled column where he saw Gon with his friends. Hidden from sight, his eyes shifted and caught the waiting room's window where the twin sister sleeps. He bit his lip and leaned behind the pillar to try and control himself. Clenching his fist, he licked and licked his bloodied lips and groaned when a memory of her small lithe body flashed in his mind.

He lifted a hand and clamped it over his mouth so tight it hurt. He muffled the moan that followed. He was hot. _Too_ hot. There she was the waiting room. He knew she was. Her stupid brother left her all alone and undefended in that room. If not, he could easily kill anyone in that room and…

 _Would she wake up and scream for help or would she wake up and scream for more? Perhaps she'll try to fight him. Claw him and scratch him as he invade her again and again._ He chuckled. That, I see her doing just that. His Gin wouldn't scream. Not when in that position. No. She'll stop herself because she won't let anyone see them or her like that…

Especially not her brother. Not that boy. She loves that boy. Adores him, even. To the extent that she would kiss his mouth in front of everyone, uncaring of who sees. She also loses control when it was about him. Such devotion…

 _How exploitable!_

She would use everything, nails and teeth to hurt him. Then she'll soon realise it was only making him want her more. Her mouth will part in realisation and he'd use that opportunity to taste her mouth. She'd bite his lips, drawing blood then in turn, he'll bite her. She will either love it or hate it.

Maybe both… _Both, she'll feel both._ _Yes! She will feel both! She **shall** feel both. And then she would hate him! Hate him so much he'll devour every thought in her mind!_

And those legs of hers…so agile and so easy to break, they will part over his waist. She will undulate softly above his stomach, still too shy to sit above his aching self. Then, she'll lean in, her back arching into a smooth curve and her small chest pressed against his. Then, he'll let his hands travel around her tiny waist and seize her tight against him until she can hardly breathe. She'll groan and attempt to wiggle out of his grasp.

And the small mounds of her chest, they'll be pressed against him. Oh, how he ached to touch them, grip them hard until she cries out. Then, she'll lean in to whisper into his ear.

 _What did she whisper to that boy? What wicked thing did that little devil say? Oh why? Why didn't she do that to him then? If they should fight again…would she climb on top of him and offer herself to him too?_

Hisoka groaned. _He underestimated her again._ There was no innocence in that girl. Little demoness, he would call her from now on. The way she fluttered her eyelashes and the way she smiled at that boy and the way she tilted and twisted and moved was all _woman._

 _How did she learn those things…Has she touched and…_

''...You're molesting her already, aren't you?'' Hisoka opened his eyes and turned to his unconventional friend. He had tortured her. He was worried then that he would kill her before he can. That he would steal her from him before she fully ripens. _It shouldn't be long…She's 12. Soon… she'll develop even more and grow even more appetising. More appetising than the others. Oh god… He can hardly wait. Maybe if he gets a taste now…No! Nononono… If he does it now, she'll run away. Better lure her in first. Make her feel comfortable…Slowly… he has always been patient…_

But it doesn't help when she looks up to him like that. All wide dark brown eyes, full of suspicion. It gets him even more aroused. Her small pink mouth will pout and then she'll roll her eyes. _She does that every time…_ Then she'll cross her arms over her chest, not knowing how it attracts his eyes down to them and how her neck was wide exposed to him.

 _Most men don't know what they want until they've tried it,_ she said. And the way she said it…

Hisoka tightened his hands further into fists. Blood dripped off from his palm. He closed his eyes and chuckled. ''I can't help it.'' He heard his raspy voice say. ''She's making it harder for me. Harder to control myself around her…''

''Hm…'' Illumi hummed, holding his chin as if in thought. Hisoka opened his eyes, suddenly a sharp yellow. ''Gin is my prey.'' He declared.

''I know.'' Illumi hummed. ''I know your type.'' He added, nonchalantly. ''Hmm… she's dangerous, however. Better to kill her now when—'' he trailed off when the magician let out a wave of malice.

''Touch her again like that and you'll suffer the consequences.'' The other growled out, face dark and lips curled in threat.

''Yes. Yes.'' The older Zoldyk held his arm up in surrender. The magician sobered up instantly, satisfied. ''How about the brother? He is dangerous too.'' Illumi added.

''Hm… I like him too. He is also my prey.''

''Hm…what if you can only have one? That boy is dangerous to Kil. I should kill him before he grows up-''

Hisoka let out a warning wave of dark intent once again, though weaker than the one before, Illumi noted. ''The twins are _mine_. Don't touch them.'' Hisoka growled out. Illumi was trying to steal his new toys…

''Fine.'' The eldest of the Zoldyk children acquiesced. Hisoka relaxed again.

''Is that alright though? An assassin giving out where his base of operations is located? Kukoro Mountain, is it?''

Illumi made a noise that meant he didn't care. He spoke, eyes dark and wide. ''Well, it's not really a secret though.'' He looked down and checked his broken arm. Hisoka chuckled.

''You probably should have it checked.'' Hisoka drawled out.

''Hmm… Its fine.'' Illumi answered airily, eyes sharp and focused onto an unknowing boy who was busy laughing with his friends. He blinked when the girl appeared. Hisoka promptly stiffened, head snapping to the side. She had climbed out of the window and down to the pink tree –cherry blossom. When she jumped down, little pink flowers fell down with her. Illumi was nearly impressed with her swiftness.

''Oh, he left already?'' They heard her ask.

Hisoka bit his lips and listened in, leaning towards the pillar once again. That voice… he itched to wrap his hands around her dainty throat and squeeze. Her mouth will be parted open and her cheeks pink. He'd love to bite that throat hard and see his teeth mark her skin.

''…Yes! He wanted me to give you this.'' The twin brother answered brightly. ''What is it?'' The girl was quiet. Illumi observed the smile that graced her tired face.

''Yeah! What is it? W-why are you smiling like that?! Is it his number or something?! Oy! Give it to me…Gin! He's 6 years older than you! That bastard!'' Hisoka flinched a little from the oldest boy's loud mouth. Then, his scowl deepened when he realised what they were talking about.

''Ah… she seems taken.'' Illumi said, eyebrows raising up.

He scoffed, a wide smirk forming on his face. ''Ahh… but that would make it more interesting, wouldn't it?'' he said and giggled.

''I shall wait for more… _more…more…''_ he grumbled to himself, grinning from ear to ear. '' _Wait…patiently…wait…''_

''…Just don't fall in too deep into her,'' was the Zoldyk's helpful advice but then when he looked back over his shoulder to get a glimpse at the magician, he found him deep in his reverie once again. He hummed and left him to himself and his dark plans. Judging from that dark purple aura leaking out, it is nothing good.

''Poor girl… Poor Kil…Oh well, one less problem for me.'' He said to himself and disappeared.

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _This chapter is a little short since the story arc has ended. Next chapter will be the start of a new arc. What do you think of Netero's offer? Did that surprise you? Gin really loves Gon, people. She strongly doesn't want to leave him. Because then, she'll be no worse than Ging and that is something she doesn't want ever._

 _But then again, I think she needs to distance herself from Hisoka and she can't really do this with Gon since Gon will be going after the man. How do you like Hisoka's POV? Omygod, his POVs so... intense. hahaha! About last chapter, Illumi tortured her for like 5 minutes and there's no rule about that. The rule was not to kill another applicant... But the examiners should've done something. But then again, Illumi attacked an examiner with his needles in canon to manipulate him to say where Gon was...and he wasn't disqualified at all._

 _About the Mongoose! OMG! You are so right! WavyWavy. Therefore, Gin is really a Mongoose!_

 _Anyway, I am glad and very happy you all like Gin as a person and character and that you can relate to her. You have no idea how I love reading your reviews! I hope that you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it and I am the happiest because it seems like you like/love the story so far! Help me go through this story, please! I love all your suggestions and questions and support. It's going to be more difficult to write because well... because of Netero's bombshell. ahahha AND GIN NEEDS TO RUN AWAY FROM HISOKAA! But damn girl has no idea!_

 _HXH isn't mine!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D_


	21. Chapter 20 - Enter the Zoldyks!

**Chapter 20 – Enter the Zoldyks**

 _''_ _To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.''~ Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instruments._

* * *

With an enduring smirk on my face, I admired the pretty high ceiling of the hotel we were staying on and ignored Leorio's loud protests and scolding (something about contact numbers, perverts, paedophiles and 6 years age gaps). Gon caught my eyes and I smiled at his wide-eyed stare.

''What's Leorio on about, Gin?'' He asked, tilting his cute head to the side, blinking innocently like a puppy and lips puckering a bit. My eyes softened and with a silent squeal at his cuteness, I grabbed his fine arm and entwined our arms together.

' _'_ _Nothing, my love_. Don't worry about him.'' I softly said and leaned my head against his shoulder as we followed Kurapika's lead.

''-Don't worry?! Gon! Tell your sister to give up Hanzo's cell number! That bastard is 18! This is underage harassment!'' As the older man rambled on, Gon met my eyes, slightly worried. I shook my head -n _othing to worry about._ Gon's small frown disappeared and his eyes brightened, carefree once again.

''Hanzo just wanted to stay in touch, Gon. That's alright.'' Gon nodded his head, approvingly.

''That's good! We should stay in touch!'' said my brother.

''S-stay in touch?! So _it is_ his number! Gin!'' I rolled my eyes and looked around the hotel instead. The Hunters Association seemed to have booked the whole hotel because it was empty of other clients.

Everywhere I looked was comfort and luxury. The main colours were red, cream, green and black. The plants gave a lively feeling while the black polished tiles indicated grandeur. The whole design of the establishment was decorous but not overly done. I pursed my lips and nodded approvingly. _I like it._

Kurapika finally sighed and calmed Leorio's rambling. ''Leorio! Gin can do what she wants. Besides, Hanzo-san is an honourable man. I'm sure he's not planning anything bad.'' Kurapika said. ''If we ask nicely, maybe Gin _would kindly share the information, won't you Gin?_ '' I bit my lip at the blonde's sudden edgy tone.

I smiled weakly and shifted my gaze from the hotel designs to the two boys. Leorio had his arms crossed, smirking at me while Kurapika was waiting patiently for my answer while sat in front of a computer.

I hugged my Gon's arm closer and hid half of my face on his shoulder. Looking and pouting away, I sighed. ''Fine!''

Seemingly satisfied, Kurapika smiled a little bit too keenly than I'm comfortable with but then before I can analyse his expression, he turned around and faced the computer.

Meanwhile, Leorio raised one eyebrow, pursing his lips then with a shark-like grin, he made a show of popping and cracking his knuckles before also turning around. I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes at their overprotective gestures. But the smile I can't help but have.

Gon and I walked closer as Kurapika clicked his way through the Hunters association website. I watched in fascination at the first form of advanced technology I saw since I was born, _Ahem_ , re-born, aside from washing machines, air conditioners and televisions. Come to think of this, I haven't held a mobile phone!

''Kukoroo Mountain, it's from the Rebublic of Padokea. Hm… Looks good. They allow ordinary tourists.'' Said Kurapika.

''That's where we'll find Killua?!''

The blonde nodded then held his chin in thought. ''Hm! By airship, it will take three days to reach. When do we leave?''

I opened my mouth to say 'maybe tomorrow' when my brother beat me into saying ''Today! Right now!'' I looked at him, incredulous. Then, much to my dismay, the other two boys agreed heartily. _My God, save me from over-active boys…_

''Gin? What do you think?'' I blinked when I noticed all of them waiting for my answer. I softened, appreciating their consideration. I nodded happily.

''Sure! Why not? We'll have first class seats anyway.'' I grinned brightly, excited at the idea of getting first class. The boys grinned.

''Alright! I'm ordering four tickets now!'' Kurapika typed eagerly and then we checked out after making sure we had everything with us.

* * *

When we finally get on the airship and found our first class seats, I immediately sat beside Gon by the window and eagerly peered through it even though the airship was still loading with passengers. After a while of just looking around, I got tired and relaxed on the soft cushioned chairs. They smelt a lot of a citrus flavoured air freshener. It was probably to cover off any lingering scents of the last passengers but it was okay since the scent was not unpleasantly strong.

Shortly after the ship has begun to take off, I cuddled beside my brother and leaned on his shoulder. He shifted a little and I smiled when I realised he did it for me to get more comfortable.

''Does your arm hurt?'' I asked. He turned from the window and smiled, eyes dark and a little distracted.

''No.'' He answered gently before turning back towards the window. I took in a deep breath and rested my chin on his shoulder, watching the city lights from above with him.

Gon was undoubtedly thinking about Killua. Everyone can tell he was worried about his friend. I killed the seed of jealousy before it can take root inside my chest.

Killua is necessary for Gon. Killua is and forever will be Gon's best friend. Everything he does or he will do successfully is because Killua is beside him all throughout the way. I can never replace that boy and I don't want to. Assassin, killer or not, Killua's not heartless. Killua is Gon's most loyal friend.

 _What about me?_

I closed my eyes and controlled my breathing. ' _'You will either get yourself killed or get your dear brother killed.''_

I heard someone come closer. I smelt Leorio's scent tickle my nose and found his arm right across my eyes. I looked up and our eyes met through his sunglasses. He grinned at me and pushed a potato chip into my mouth.

''Eat before you sleep, Gin!'' I blinked and chewed, loving the taste. Come to think of it, it's been so long since I ate something more filling. I opened my mouth again and blinked at the older teen expectantly. He narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow but proffered me another chip.

Kurapika appeared behind him, holding the drinks. ''We will be in the Republic of Padokea by the morning. You'll see Killua soon enough.'' He announced with a happy smile and directed the last part to my brother. Gon straightened up in his seat, causing me to do the same too.

''Hm!'' He nodded and chewed enthusiastically. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he smiled, turning back towards the window, looking and feeling better. The two other boys sat down in front of us and I reached out to eat some of Leorio's chips. He pushed the chips towards me with a smile.

''We have more coming up, by the way.'' He grinned, brown eyes bright and mischievous. I can't help but mirror his bright grin.

''Cos we're first class.'' I added, raising my eyebrows. We shared one cheerful laugh. I turned to Kurapika who shook his head with a wide happy smile on his face.

''You got that right! We're hunters now! '' Leorio snapped his fingers.

''HELL YEAH!'' I shouted and we grinned, eating more of the chips.

''Guys, please keep it quiet. We don't want to attract attention…'' Kurapika cautioned, looking around a little. I copied him and sensed and saw no one. I shook my head at him and he relaxed, turning to Leorio. ''We don't want them stealing it, do you?'' I sucked in my salty lips to stop my giggle upon seeing Leorio's scared look. I wasn't that successful.

''Shut it, shorty. At least back me up.'' He grumbled, hugging his suitcase to his chest. I frowned.

''You didn't put it there, did you?'' I asked, incredulous. When he just glared. I widened my eyes at him. ''Put it in your pocket or something!'' I whispered, leaning in. What if he lost his suitcase or something? Or it opens and everything in it flies away!?

''Tche…'' He looked away, pouting a little. I scowled and turned to Kurapika who just shrugged and pulled out a tourist guide book about the Republic of Padokea.

I lowered my voice. ''Are you scared to crumple it or something?'' I watched as a pink dash appeared on Leorio's cheek, barely noticeable because of his dark sunglasses. I broke out into a giggle, reclining back on the seat, clutching my stomach. 'Aw… That's so _cute._ '' I teased. His blush spread to his ears. He opened his mouth as if to shout when Kurapika elbowed him and glared. The older teen fixed his face to a more serious one.

''Shut it, shorty.'' He just said, voice husky and embarrassed. I laughed for a little bit more before I took in a deep breath and stuffed my mouth with chips.

A bit later, Leorio opened his suitcase and I watched as he carefully removed the card out of its folder and placed it on his chest pocket. I watched as he placed a hand on his chest for a few seconds with a contented smile.

 _''_ _Most people treat their Hunters License as something very important. So important that they will die for it_ … _To some hunters, their license is their pride, their honour and their life.''_ I heard Satotz speak in my mind. My smile faltered a little but I fixed it right away before Leorio turned his gaze to me. ''Happy?'' he asked.

I smiled and nodded cheerfully, ignoring the tiny ache in my chest.

* * *

After three days on the airship, we rode a train and arrived in the Dentora region, of the Republic of Padokea where Killua lives. I rested my hands on the window's railing for support as I tilted my head and marvelled at the cool, crisp and fresh wind. The Dentora region was rich in mountains, hills, valleys, trees, plants and wildlife. It was beautiful especially because of its blue sky and fluffy white clouds overhead.

As the train roll smoothly on the rail tracks, we caught a glimpse of Kukuroo Mountain, looking out of place from the serene surroundings. Kukuroo Mountain stood dark and forbidding, decorated by still dark clouds near and at its peak. It really looked like a place where assassins would dwell at. Despite its name, Kukuroo Mountain is actually a dormant volcano. _Why was it not called Kukuroo Volcano then?_ I rolled my eyes and shook my head. _People here are sure weird._

''There it is,'' said Leorio as he propped his elbow on the window sill and laid his chin on his palm. ''The base for this assassin family is on that Mountain? It sure looks creepy.'' he mused out loud.

Kurapika nodded. ''Hm. Once we reach our destination, we should start gathering information.''

Kurapika had approached a vendor after we disembarked. She had kindly advised us to take the scenic tour bus to reach the Mountain. ''The scenic bus runs only once a day but you'll have a tour guide to show you around.''

While the woman was talking, I couldn't help but admire the collection of multi-coloured feather headdress from her stall. With an excited smile, I took one and placed it on my head. The headdress was slightly heavy but they looked very beautiful _and it looked so good on me!_

''Gon!'' I turned and gave my brother a thumbs-up. ''What do you think?!'' I squealed and pirouetted on my spot.

''Hm! So pretty Gin!'' My brother grinned brightly and gave me a thumbs-up.

I turned to Kurapika who nodded smilingly and to Leorio whose eye was twitching. I tilted my head to the side, waiting. He scratched his head with a smile, ''I guess… it looks nice…''

I can't help but laugh. I instantly felt like a tribeswoman from a remote forest. With my black leggings, black tanktop, and black boots, the headdress was just right to counter-act my rather dull and insipid costume.

I tilted my head from side to side and up and down from the mirror, noticing a happy blush colouring my cheeks. _It's been so long…_

I looked up at the beaming vendor and made to remove my bag to get my wallet when Kurapika handed the woman a 50 Jenny note. Before the woman can count for a change, ''Please… Keep the change.'' Kurapika smiled handsomely. ''Thank you for all your help.'' With a small, gallant bow, he started to walk away. The rest of us bowed at the same time and followed the leader.

''You're welcome!'' exclaimed the vendor who I noticed was slightly blushing. I raised an eyebrow and turned my gaze to the blonde's blue and yellow back. With a smile, I caught his arm and smiled my sweetest to him.

''Thank you, Kurapika-kun _._ '' He blinked at the name and I beamed even more at his blushing face.

However, the moment ended when something flicked my temple. ''Oy. Where are you guys going?! Bus is this way!'' Kurapika and I stopped and turned back then realised we had walked straight ahead and away from the bus stop. We looked at each other blankly for a second before breaking into a small disbelieving laugh.

I fixed my face and we made a turn and ambled towards the older teen who has started walking away with Gon. ''Seriously? You throw a stone at the girl?!'' I complained.

''Tche! Where is _aack_!''

* * *

As soon as we boarded the bus, my eyes instantly caught the hairy, ragged and unsmiling men at the back. They were armed and obviously not tourists. I turned to the boys, but they have already sat down and eagerly waited for the bus to start. To be fair, the men didn't look particularly threatening. Yes, they have large weapons but other than that… _Hep. Hep. Hep! Don't get too carried away with your confidence, missy._ I scolded myself.

I relaxed and reclined on my seat, sitting beside Leorio because Kurapika has sat beside Gon. I smiled and shook my head at him when he made to move. With a wink, I sat down beside Leorio. I took a deep breath, only to wince at the explosion of scents in one tiny space. I leaned my head down and to the side, hoping to avoid the smell.

I blinked up when Leorio moved and the next thing I know, there was fresh air hitting me on the face. He grinned down at me and I smiled, touched by the sweet gesture.

''Alright, thank you for taking the lamentation bus today,'' bowed the pretty tourist guide. She was very pretty, indeed and nice to look at. Her hair was extra bushy and the colour of candy-floss. Her eyes were like a cute mouse's, smiling and bright. And her body has an impossible hour-glass shape. I say impossible because her waist were too thin in proportion to her shoulders and hips. I jerked my head to the side, trying to imagine how her body looks like without the clothes (on pure curiosity, of course), and if she was wearing a corset.

''We will be visiting Kukuroo Mountain, the home to the famous assassins, the Zoldyk Family!'' _Man…_ These assassins sure have a reputation. It was amazing how these people actually want to visit their home. They might as well call it a shrine with this amount of wonder being shown. I sighed again. _People here are weird. Normal people will not even take a step near them. Or maybe… it was like this…_

Since the region is home to the assassins, terrorists and other bad people would think twice before they attack the area. Therefore, in some way, living near these assassins is better. A form of mutualism – one gains a place to live whilst the other gets a safer place to live in. It also probably helps that the family attracts this much tourists which means income for the region. Furthermore, it's not like anyone here can take on _a family of assassins._

Since everyone has settled down, Leorio was the first to notice the two odd men at the back of the bus. We shared a look, he nodded at me then leaned towards Kurapika. ''Look at those. They're obviously not tourists…'' he whispered. Kurapika glanced at them briefly and nodded.

''Please look to your right! That is Kukuroo Mountain where the Zoldyk Family lives!'' My mouth parted despite myself. _Killua was so freaking famous. Like one of those guys from mangas with perfect but not really so perfect lives! And right now I am acting the pretty but poor girl. Oh the shame!_ I smothered my giggle and ignored Leorio's odd look.

''A forest surrounds the 3, 722 meter mountain and the Zoldyk estate is somewhere near that mountain!'' said the tourist guide, voice dropping to add some air of mystic. ''But no one has actually ever seen it.'' I started and closed my eyes, slightly irritated when Leorio started to doze off on me. In the end, I didn't move away and let the older teen use my head as his pillow, as payment for his kindness a while ago.

I listened on. ''The Zoldyk Family includes 10 members: a great grandfather, a grandfather, a father, a mother, and then five children. All of them are assassins!'' I fought the shiver threatening to take over me.

 _How creepy are they? Killua says his family are crazy…_ I gasped, hands flying over my mouth. _Do they marry inside the family?! Omygod that's so cool! Creepy but cool._

''Then, let's approach the mountain!'' The bus drove through curved road and I installed myself rigidly on my seat to avoid falling over because of Leorio's added weight. Curling my lips in annoyance, I reached out and flick his forehead. He just groaned and snored on.

* * *

' _'_ _Holy shit-hole…''_ I mumbled in awe. Killua's gate was enormous!

There were two Chinese dragons rolling over the walls that descended in height towards the middle gate which was made of grey steel and seemed to be divided into seven stages. All around us, people were shouting in awe and taking pictures. I wonder if Killua would sometimes peer through a telescope and watch these tiny people take pictures of his home.

This is like Buckingham palace! - The dark version.

''T-that's really something.'' Murmured Leorio, peering at the dormant volcano from above the gates with a hand covering the sun's glare above his eyes to help him.

''This is the gate of the Zoldyk State! Also known as the Door to Hades because no one who has entered ever made it out alive.'' My eye twitched at the name.

 _Door to Hades?_ _Seriously?_ _When I get my own house, I shall the gate the Door to Heavens or something, no. Door of pleasure? That sounds too auspicious. Door of Gin and Gon? Door of the goddess Gin…Hm… Still doesn't beat DOOR TO EFFING HADES, DUDES…Ah! DOOR TO ZEUS! POSEIDON? ARTEMIS? DOOR TO THE SUN AND MOON? TWINS' DOOR?_ I nodded, satisfied but still uncertain of my future door's name. I decided then that I'll worry about it once I build a gate to beat Killua's.

''To enter, you have to get through the door beyond the security checkpoint. But since the land beyond the gate is private property, we can't proceed to that point.'' Said the guide only to the four of us who were listening. The others were busy taking pictorials in front of the gate.

 _If only I had a camera…_

''Wait… this is the front gate? But Kukuroo Mountain is all the way up there!'' shouted Leorio.

The tour guide smiled. ''Oh yes! The Zoldyks own the Kukuroo Mountain and the surrounding land.'' Eyes wide and mouth parted, I swallowed my spit to wet my dried throat.

''This is their backyard… '' said Leorio. I blinked my eyes since it was nearly crying due to being wide open for too long.

I nearly laughed out loud when Gon asked the guide how we can get inside. It was entertaining how she fought to stay nice and friendly when she had this vein throbbing on her forehead. ''Little boy,'' she called sweetly, '' weren't you listening to my explanation? Assassins live inside!'' she sang. I giggled silently, taking note and loving her attitude. My face fell however, when the two ragged men appeared and arrogantly sauntered towards the security checkpoint.

''It's all a sham!'' shouted the big guy.

''A family no one's ever seen? Just one photo was worth hundred billions!'' I straightened up, hands flying to my cheeks. _R-really?!_

 _I am so…. Gonna buy a camera and take every shot of Killua! Yes!_ _Oh dear, I could just imagine the money I'll receive from it!_

 _Oh….hundred millions…Killua's side view, front view, maybe I can get a shot while he's shirtless too! That's meant to be more expensive than others!_

''Seriously?! Damn! I should've taken Killua's picture!'' shouted Leorio. I nodded, staring up into my bright money-filled space.

We watched silently as the two armed men bullied the poor security man until he opened the little brown door and let the two men enter. I tilted my head to the side, having a bad feeling about the situation.

''Are you alright?!'' rushed my brother to the old man who just sighed and murmured something about Mike eating in between meals again. _Oh-oh._

Not shortly after, there were two men screaming and then a hand appeared and threw their skeleton outside, much to the horror of everyone else but us. I couldn't help but laugh, seeing how the people so quickly disappeared and entered the bus and how the vehicle wobbled because of the sudden influx of people.

''Boys!'' The tour guide called and my giggles cut off, a little hurt. ''Come on! It's dangerous!'' she shouted, eyes worried as she waved her little flag on air.

''Ah…'' Gon waved. ''It's alright! You can leave! We're staying here!'' he announced, catching the old man's attention.

I brought my hands beside my mouth. ''I'm a girl!'' I shouted. ''And you're very pretty! Miss Guide!''

''GIN!'' Leorio exclaimed, towering over me. I frowned.

''…What? She is!'' Kurapika massaged his temple and shook his head.

The security guard, whose name was Zebro let us in his small resting house and offered us a cup of tea. Because there were no more seats, Leorio offered to give the seat in front of the old security guard to me.

After a little thinking, I thanked Leorio and sat down. I gave the security guard a small smile and sipped the offered tea, even though I shouldn't probably have since _duh… assassins._ They probably treat cyanide like sugar (or something along those lines). But after smelling the tea, I can't help but have a careful sip. I sighed, loving the warm feeling it gave me.

The old man watched us all with a kind smile as he listened to Gon's story of how we all met in the Hunters exam. ''I work here for 20 years so I shouldn't probably say this. But this place is lonely. No one ever visits aside from those occasional people…'' he trailed off, jerking his head towards the skeletons in his bin.

I sipped and calmly watched its empty eye-sockets and teeth. But in the end, according to the security guard, he cannot let us in because he didn't want Killua's friends to be Mike's next dinner. I mostly dazed off as he explained everything but caught a few information such as the fact that they had to build a locked door for the intruders.

I instantly thought of the massive metal gate. _What does he mean?_

As perceptive as always, Kurapika caught on to this real quick and after finishing our tea, we were led out in front of the gate. Apparently, each gate is weighed 2 tons. Yes…2 tons… No normal person can lift that!

I looked around and took a deep breath of fresh air with a hint of wet dog. The sun has long set and the crickets had all started to sung. I shifted my focus and instantly bit my lip to escape my laugh as Leorio struggled to push or pull the gate to open. His pushed until his face reddened. Then, he'll brace himself again and repeat and try pushing at different sides.

''Stop your giggling, Gin!'' he gritted out. ''Why won't you try, huh?!'' I blinked, not really feeling like it. But then, Gon looked at me with those big brown hopeful eyes and I just had to try a little.

I sighed and unstrapped my backpack from my shoulders. ''Hmph. Leorio, move out of the way. The master is coming through.'' I sauntered cattily and made a show of flipping my feathered head over my shoulder. I smirked when I heard Gon clapping.

''Go Gin!'' he yelled. I waved at the sweating Leorio who scoffed and turned his nose away.

 _Hm… Should I use Nen? Perhaps I could make it look like an accident?_

Closing my eyes, I ignored how I felt everyone's eyes pricking my back. Then, I arranged my headdress on place and placed both my hands on the door. I pushed.

''Pfft…'' Leorio laughed. ''Shorty… if I can't do it, you can't! Look at those arms of yours!''

''You sexist pig, shut up Leorio.'' I gritted out. Gon chuckled.

''it's okay sis! I can't open it either! But still, we will see Killua no matter what! If I have to climb over that wall, I'll do it!'' he said, sounding determined.

''Oh… I really can't let you.'' Replied the security guard. ''Little Miss. That's alright, you may step—''

I growled and with a small burst of Nen, the gate groaned and moved. ''Oh! Gin!'' Shouted an excited Gon. I managed to take a step forward before my arms gave out and the door closed on me automatically. I let out a scream as I felt myself hover through air. My dear Gon was there to catch my fall.

''Oh, Gon! Are you alright!?'' I turned and propped myself over my brother, checking for any injuries. He grinned and nodded.

''That was amazing sis! Well done!'' he said proudly. I felt my face redden and I looked away to hide it a little.

''Thanks…'' I said and pulled him up.

Taking a lungful of breath, ''Alright! I'll try again!'' I fisted my hands and turned to Kurapika and Leorio. ''Maybe if you both help me do it then we can do it better!'' Kurapika recovered first and clapped his hands once.

''You're right, Gin! We'll do that! Leorio! Come on!''

''…uh, fine…''

When Gon walked to help, Kurapika stopped him with a hand. ''Gon.'' He called firmly. ''You're arm's still unwell. Leave this to us.'' The blonde said, eyes flashing in determination. Gon blinked then turned his eyes towards an equally determined Leorio then lastly to me. Gon wasn't the type of person to just stand down and let others work without him. But he needs to do it because Kurapika and Leorio only cares… I smiled at him knowingly and winked.

His shoulders slumped in defeat and stood aside. ''Alright! One, two, three!'' We groaned together and pushed. After a few seconds of pushing without anything happening, I closed my eyes and poured my Nen out and focused them along my arms.

The gate groaned and started moving when I felt something warm trickle down my nose. I continued until my head screamed.

''Little Miss! Little Miss, Stop!'' I opened my eyes in alarm and then felt the door shut on us again. This time, Kurapika and Leorio's arms caught me at the same time.

''Gin! You alright?'' they chorused and I can't help but smirk, very much amused. My face fell when I tasted blood in my mouth.

 _''Oh_ …''

Leorio pushed me to my feet while Kurapika guided me to sit down. ''Yes, _Oh…_ '' repeated a seemingly vexed Leorio. ''Why… Why do you always get hurt like this, Gin? God! You're such a troublemaker!'' he scolded as he pulled out a white blood-stained handkerchief from his pocket and started wiping off my blood gently. I felt guilty instantly of course.

''Sorry… I just wanted to open the door and get over it.'' I mumbled, shoulders slumping.

''Stop pushing it too much, Gin.'' Whispered Kurapika. ''We're all in this together.''

I sighed. ''Okay…eh? Where's my feathers?!'' I stiffened and looked desperately around. I heard the two boys sigh.

''Here Gin!'' Gon smiled a little as he placed the multi-coloured head-dress over my head. He brushed the hair out of my sweaty face with an apologetic look. I smiled, _It's alright._ He smiled back, _Thanks._

Zebro coughed. ''I guess I'll just give you the intruders key, then.'' He said and later on, I saw his eyes catch a glimpse towards me. I tilted my head innocently and wondered what he was thinking about my little show of strength.

''R-really! Thank you Zebro-san!''

''Yes. This way and follow me closely.''

We straightened like soldiers and followed the security guard. Gon bounced on his feet, eager to meet Mike, the watch dog. I, on the other hand, wasn't so much. The woods weren't very alive. In fact, it was a little too quiet. No crickets singing, no birds singing, no rustling of little squirrels but the scent of wet dog was very, very strong.

''Mike!'' called the security guard. ''Mike! Come here! I have some people I need you to meet! Mike!'' I turned to our right towards the dark copse of trees. The scent was stronger there. I felt the hairs on my arms stand up in alarm when a loud groaning sound came from the empty part of the woods. Soon after, we waited in tense anticipation as the sound of footsteps grew.

My brother gasped and my breath hitched upon meeting its wide dark blue eyes. By pure instinct, I stepped towards my trembling brother. The sudden movement gained the full attention of the animal and I gasped, fingers dropping towards my thighs where my throwing knives are.

''Don't attack, girl.'' I heard Zebro whispered calmly. ''Don't move.'' I froze, eyes staring at the looming dog. It stared back. It reminded me too much of another smart human to be just a dog. This wasn't an animal at all. Its eyes… too smart, too thinking, too suspicious.

''Mike!'' I heard the security guard shout in alarm. ''They're not food, Mike! They are Master Killua's friends! No!'' A small cry escaped my throat when its massive head lunged at me. Feeling my brother jerk behind me, I elbowed my brother to push him off.

I screamed as its mouth opened, showing a cave of flashing fangs. _He was going to suck out all my muscles and flesh, leaving only skeleton._

I sprung up to my feet and disappeared in a blur, running off. There was a roar behind me and a chorus of shouts. I didn't stop, leaping through branches with pure adrenaline pushing me through. The smell of wet dog permeated the air telling me that I am deep within its territory.

 _Why… Why… does this always happen to me!_

I saw a dark blue shadow on my right. I picked up my pace and dropped myself to the forest floor and continued running for my life. Hopefully, the trees will provide more cover.

There was a long howl that raked a shiver off my spine and nearly caused me to topple over. Gasping, I ran more. _This is nothing… nothing… I can run for kilometres!_ This was nothing like the endurance test! But then again…

 _I wasn't being chased by a giant demon dog then!_

I held on to my head-dress as I ran in case because it felt like it was going to fall off soon. I started when the dog appeared before me, all its curly fur bristling and tail up and alert. It was an intimidation tactic. Its making itself look bigger to assert its dominance. The best thing to do now was to stay down and submissive…

 _But the dog's gonna eat me!_

I can't fight… _I can… Wait. I can. With Nen…_

I instantly remembered the mirror. The one that saved me from Togari.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax. I felt it prowling towards me like a Lion approaching its fallen prey. I swallowed my dried throat, imagining the darkness, the swirling shadows, the unintelligible whispers, the pain, the cries, the hurt, the anger, the hopelessness, the weakness…

 _Ging, Gon, me as a little girl, Ging asking us to forgive him before he turned around and left us, brown cloak billowing in the wind, Togari with the hungry look in his eyes as he laughed at my nearing demise, my shoulder cut, my waist sliced open, ribs showing, blood rushing out, my leg slashed deep to the bone, unable to walk or run away…_ **HATE. HATE. HATE.**

 _Someone, help me... Help..._

 _But no one came. Not once did anyone saved me. I've always had to do it myself while they watch me twist and scream in pain. Little shocks crawling all over me and tearing my muscles... Only Gon would, but he wasn't there. He was away again... No daddy...no friends..._

The mirror invaded my whole mind, whispering sweet nothings. Without hesitation, I threw myself into its dark depths.

It was like falling in water. The shadows embraced my whole body, cooling it and caressing at my whole skin as if to comfort. **_You're going to be fine. You're safe here…_** it whispered. I curled myself up in there. **_Safe and sound in here…_**

Soon after, I didn't have to imagine the whispers because they grew louder and louder in my ears until it was all that surrounded me. I opened my eyes and found that my vision was sharper than ever before. My eyesight narrowed, zeroed and sharpened at my will. A slow grin tickled my lips and ate half of my face. A strange bubble of dry happiness fired inside my chest and I tilted my head back, laughing and cackling. I was happy even though there was nothing. I was just… happy. After all, I was alive.

 _I am still here!_

''I am still here.'' I heard my voice, deep and harsh. '' _I will always be here.''_

I cackled, feeling a peculiar feeling enveloping my body. Like an invisible blanket that caused the all my hair to stand erect.

I stiffened when hot heavy breaths fanned my face. His scent was pungent and strongly of wetdog, and stinking meat. I didn't move because I didn't feel scared at all. No, I felt numbed. I felt nothing and that made me happy. _Strange,_ I thought as the dog started to sniff all over my body. I giggled, as his nose hovered over the sensitive part of my neck.

My hands reached out and touched his face to push it away. My fingers weaved through the dark fur. _Soft…_

Its massive head gave a soft push that sent me tumbling on the floor, my back on the forest floor. Then, it stepped closer with its arms on each side of my head. It made a soft noise and from what I heard, its tail behind was wagging, making loud swishing noises.

My breath hitched when he opened his cavernous mouth and I was instantly all soaked with saliva. I frowned, surprised and a little disgusted. ''Urgh… no. Get off.'' I ordered. He whined, its ginormous head bowing as he made more pathetic whimpers that didn't suit his size at all.

I blinked and reached out. Our eyes met – dark brown against its dark blue ones. It reminded me immediately of Killua – his darker assassin version. I started, however, when I caught sight of my hand. It was black. No, it wasn't the pigment but the whole thing as a being. Still feeling empty, I didn't freak out just like I knew I should and would if not for the fact that I wasn't feeling like it.

I moved my hand around, examining the dark shadowed hand. _Shadows…_ My hand was nothing but shadows and every time I moved, the shadows swirled like black water inside an invisible container.

A moan left my mouth as all of a sudden, my vision whirled. The sharpness of my eyesight blurred and darkened slowly. I laid on the floor with a massive animal looming over me, mouth slightly open and fangs showing. '' _Oh shit…''_ I managed to mumble as I felt all my strength leave me.

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _And... Enter the Zoldyks! Those assassins sure are famous!_

 _From last chapter: Thanks so much guys for your kind reviews! Omygod! Hisoka really needed a shower, I supposed that's the first thing he did after he got out of his dark reverie. Hahaha can you imagine Hisoka running to his room for a cold, cold icy shower? Hisoka is undeniably hot but we can't admit that to Gin! or Gin can't admit that to herself when she thinks the guy is a threat to her brother. (or so she thinks, poor baby has no idea). I'm glad you like Hisoka's POV! I like it too even though it's so...50 shades of greyish LOOL._

 _So, what do you think of this chapter?! Nothing much going on here. HXH isn't mine!_

 _xoxo_


	22. Chapter 21 - Oh, Cruel Fate

**Chapter 21 – Oh, Cruel Fate**

 _''_ _These violent delights have violent ends. And in their triumph die, like fire and powder; which, as they kiss, consume.'' ~ William Shakespeare_

* * *

When I awoke, I wasn't sure if I really did. Because when I did, I found my arms aching and chained up. Not to mention, the ice cold water really hurt my head. I coughed and closed my eyes tight, metal chains clanging as I tried to instinctively move my hands to wipe away my face but to no avail, the chains were tight and heavy around my wrists.

''…What the flying fuck am I up to now?'' I managed to croak out, when I realise that I was nowhere safe. In fact, I was slowly feeling my nerves coming right up to freak me out. The scent around wasn't right. It was barren aside from the strong smell of bleach, and metal. I felt fear inside my mouth as my ears registered a slight buzz in the air that could only mean…electricity.

''Milluki,'' a woman's melodious voice sounded. It sounded like an order.

I felt the loud splat before I registered the pain. ' _'Fffuck_!' I screamed. What was happening? I blurrily opened my eyes and slowly a fat pudgy face registered. His scowling face was right in front of mine and his eyes were very black and… staring at me like I was some kind of cockroach.

A woman gasped. ''Milluki! Gag her mouth! Such foul language!''

I groaned as the boy placed a dirty wet rag inside my mouth. He pushed it in so deep I nearly choked. Tears formed in my eyes and forced myself to stay calm. In my head, I began reciting _Invictus_.

 _Out of the night that covers me…_ ''Step away, Milluki.'' The woman sharply said and I frowned as her face (or what looked like it) entered my vision.

 _And here I thought I was kinda weird…_

The first thing that I noticed on her was the electronic visor covering her eyes and the bandages around her face. Next, she was wearing a dark purple gown and a broad-brimmed hat decorated with feathers and fur. I also noticed a microphone attached from my visor. I realised then, that the buzzing noise I was hearing was coming from her.

I stared at the wavering red dot on her visor and thought that maybe that was her eyes. I felt immediately small, and despite myself, I let myself sigh and slumped my pained shoulders.

''W-what a-are you?!'' the woman exclaimed, voice sounding unbalanced and distressed. I knew then that this woman might be crazy. As in mad with the capital F and K. Therefore, I should answer—

''Milluki!'' she shouted and I nearly choked on the wet rag as I gasped out in pain. My back tingled in the aftermath. Because of my dazed state, I forgot to sense anything else. The chubby dark-eyed boy was behind me. And he just threw a whip on my back.

Two droplets of tears fell off my eyes, clearing it. I looked down and discovered that I was wearing only sports bra and leggings. My feet bare on the floor.

''W-what are you!'' she screeched, grip tightening on her fan. She was rather tall, probably about 5.5 ft. But then again, she was a full-grown woman and I was a child.

''Milluki!'' the woman yelled, voice even more desperate. _I would answer if not for the rag in my mouth._

The boy immediately brought down another hit. I let myself cough to push the rag out further from my throat. I bit down to it to at least lessen my pain. ''Mama asked you, little girl!'' he shouted. ''Answer!''

 _Mama?_ I muffled my cry as he hit me again.

 _Zoldyk family…torture…_

Just like that, it all made sense and something slowly shrivelled up and died inside me. The small giggle came out first then my shoulders shook as it developed into a full laugh. I was incredulous. It can't be…

 _I can't be being tortured again…_

 _The Gods hate me._

''W-what are you laughing at!'' the woman took a step back as if scared. ''Milluki!'' I screamed as the boy hit harder. My back numbed and even the thin layer of my bra didn't do anything to reduce the pain. I could feel the skin reddening, and wrinkling from the stress.

 _Why do I always get into this kinds of situation?_

''If you don't talk, we'll electrocute you!'' the boy said.

 _I can't believe this_ , I thought, breath hitching in fear. I was just going to accompany my brother to save Killua. There wasn't supposed to be anything like this, is there? From the corner of my hazy mind, I heard some soft clacking the reminded me so much of Netero's wooden sandals.

''Kalluto! Don't come any closer to t-this…t-this animal!''

''Mama, I think we should remove the gag.'' a soft, impassive girl's voice say.

There was a small pause and I blurrily opened my eyes as I felt someone grip my chin to hold my face up and then pulled the dirty wet rag from my mouth. The boy groaned in disgust. ' _'Urgh_!''

I ignored the pang it brought to my chest. ''Well?'' the woman's voice broke. ''W-who are you?! Intruder! You're here to kidnap _our_ Killua, aren't you?!'' she screeched. I swallowed my parch throat. ''W-well?! Answer! Milluki!''

I groaned when he brought the whip down again. ''K-killua's… '' the room quietened except for the angry buzzing noise. ''…my friend…'' I added.

 _More like acquaintances, actually. But then again, he's Gon's best friend so that makes him automatically my friend, I guess. Even though he hasn't done anything nice except to bully me._

''F-friend? Liar! Killua has none of those! Milluki!'' A tiny sound escaped despite my efforts to stop it. The boy seemed to dislike this because he did it once more, and even harder. I coughed and bit my lip to stop the wail that I so badly wanted to let out. The pain on my skin was searing. It felt like fire. A hundred times worse than the little drops of hot oils I get when frying.

I swallowed the bile, threatening to rise up in my throat. ''Tell us what you are! M-monster! I saw you! Y-you… and Mike! What did you do?! Why are you still here?!'' the woman screamed, hysterically. ''Milluki! Get her to speak more!''

The boy slapped tiny electrodes on my shoulder blades and feet. I knew what was coming, of course. But then, my mind was too tired and empty to do anything. My high-pitched scream sounded and echoed all around us when the boy sent a wave of electricity into my body. I shivered and trembled, out of control.

''Who are you?!'' I heard the woman ask through my beating ears. I felt the tears fall but then, I felt myself smile, still disbelieving of my situation. I couldn't help but love the way my chest burned and the chuckle that escaped me.

''Fuck you, woman.'' I spat on her visor-face.

''Milluki!''

* * *

I heard of torture before, of course. I remember watching the Passion of Christ, Schlinder's list among many other things… But I never thought how it could hurt so much. I knew it would. But then, you'd never know how much something will hurt until you feel it yourself.

I already have thrown up. The overly warm and acidic half-digested food was all over my chest and mouth. All my dignity, gone.

But all I'm asking again and again was _Why…_ I tried so hard, again and again and thought of the book. But as far as I know, there was nothing like this.

''I think she's asleep now, mama.'' The silent girl in the room say.

In reply, they sent me another waking jolt. I moaned as I felt the crackling electricity flow through my body to my brain but then, I remained still. Maybe if I played dead, they'd stop.

The mother scoffed. ''She didn't talk! What is she?! Little girl! What are you!'' I felt her breath on my face but I endeavoured to remain completely unresponsive despite my harsh trembling and heaving breaths.

''Mama…if we kill her, Killua will not be happy.'' The girl say again.

''Kalluto! Shut your mouth!'' she shouted harshly. ''Killua- _chan_ will not know…'' she added sweetly.

 _Of course he will, crazy woman. I hope he kills you one day._

Suddenly, there was a loud buzzing noise. ''WHAT?!'' the mother suddenly screeched. Then, with a flurry of gown against cold floor and a door groaning open, the woman disappeared.

I felt someone's eyes– the girl—was still here. ''Are you really Killua's friend?'' she asked, softly like a child, like the treacherous calm after the storm or the painful balm after the torture. I didn't respond. _I don't think I like being friends with him anymore,_ I thought even though he has nothing to do with this.

''Oy—''

''Milluki.'' The girl cut off. I felt my insides tense up. The name _Milluki_ meant another wave of torture. From the distance, we heard the woman bellowing for Kalluto. But to my surprise, nothing happened.

''Don't hurt her anymore. If you do, Killua might stab you in the heart and you'll really die this time.'' Then, the girl left, feet clacking rapidly on the floor. Soon, she too, was gone.

''Tche.'' The boy scoffed but quietened. I felt him leaning closer towards my face, observing. I thought he'd hurt me more when…

''I know you're awake.'' He drawled then scoffed. ''Killua sure picks weak friends… Those were just weak shocks by the way and now you're all vegetable! Hmf!''

 _Weak shocks?_

''…So, how did you two meet?'' he asked, tone curious. From the way he spoke, I could tell he never have talked normally to other people or children other his siblings before. He spoke like Killua too. Demanding, self-centred and cool. _Rich kids,_ I figured.

''Oy! I know you're awake! Want another jolt!?'' He threatened, though a little bit weakly as if he didn't want to but he would if I pushed him.

I closed off my mind and fell asleep, thinking of dark mirrors and shadows.

* * *

''Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole. I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody yet unbound. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade and yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me, unafraid. It matters not how strait the gait, how charged with punishment the scroll. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul…

''Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole. I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul…''

I recited the poem the _nth_ time while staring dumbly at the locked metal door. I blinked, however, when suddenly, there were shouts coming nearer. I watched, prepared and completely hanging as the shouts and footsteps grew nearer. I recognised the lilt of his tone right away. I've heard it so many times that I'd recognise it everywhere. There were some clangs and then the metal door groaned hesitantly against the floor when it opened.

 _How much does that weigh?_ I wondered and dazedly stared at marks on the floor made by the door.

Killua's blue eyes were brightened due to the glare of the dimmed blue lamps surrounding the room. He was wearing a new black, long-sleeved shirt with some white stripes over them plus shorts and his usual shoes.

His eyes were wide, the sapphire shine slowly disappearing. His mouth parted and his whole body jerked once and then stiffened. Behind him, there was an old and bent, unsmiling white-haired man and Milluki.

Exhausted, I forced a smile. ''Yo. Took you long enough… to come visit me, Killua- _chan_.'' His face crumpled and then he bolted towards me. In a flash, the manacles were gone from my hands and I slowly and painfully dragged my arms down with a sigh. I swayed on my two feet, falling instantly to him. His arms caught me, careful. I noticed that he was also full of bruises and scratch. He smelt also of blood and electricity. But then again, maybe that was all me. My warm puke touched his and even accentuate its presence on mine when our bodies touched. I frowned and pursed my lips, trying to forget the disgust.

''… _Gin…_ '' I leaned back and forced my eyes open to meet his. He was near crying, I saw. I moaned and spat a bitter spit on to the floor.

''You're family…has a weird way of showing _love_ , Killua- _chan.''_ I said, leaning forwards again to rest my heavy head to his shoulder. He tensed and I closed my burning eyes against his neck. I felt his mood darken.

''Milluki!'' he roared and I felt my whole world shift as he lifted me up close to his chest. Killua smelled sweet, despite the empty gloomy mansion.

''I-it was… she w-was an intruder! She didn't say anything else! Besides… Mama was the one who… if she just s-said something… we could h-have…''

''Shut up or I'll kill you. I'll really kill you!'' the boy trembled in rage. His voice breaking as he roared at his brother. The hairs on my arms stood up, goose bumps racing, sensing his killing intent. It was strong. He was going to do it.

''…Killua, reign your anger. Your brother didn't—'' a calm wizened voice cut in.

''Shut up! Move! Call a doctor!''

I felt him run somewhere. I heard flames wavering as we passed. I opened my eyes and caught an image of dark cavernous walls and fire lamps. Soon, a door opened and I was laid on something soft and it smelled strongly of sweets and Killua.

''Gin… I'm… I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry… Gin… Tell me you're alright… Gin…'' The young boy whispered. I felt his hands flutter all over my face and fleetingly on my neck, nice and cool. ''Gin, I'm so so—''

''—Master Killua?''

''Check her. Now!''

I remained my eyes close and let a stranger's hands touch me, too weak to fight. ''Killua…'' I whispered and tried to move my fingers. I felt his hands grasp my hand and for the first time, he was gentle but still the grip was strong.

''You're alright, Gin…I'm so sorry…So sorry…'' I couldn't help but smile. Killua, the arrogant catfish was saying sorry all over again. Gon's bright face flashed in my head and then his wide smile as he and Killua talks animatedly with each other.

'Don't…let Gon...know…'' I mumbled. ''Promise me…Killua… _Promise me_.'' I clasped his hand back and held it as firmly as I could.

''…I promise.'' I heard him say. Satisfied, I let myself float away to sleep.

* * *

I opened my eyes, finally waking up. The first thing I saw was a navy blue canopy then shifting to the side, I met Killua's blue eyes. The black long-sleeved shirt he was wearing brought his eyes out, I noticed. I blinked then he pushed off from the chair and kneeled close to me. I stared back as he stared, searching my eyes.

''Hey.'' He said in a usual Killua tone, only his eyes were gentler and wavering. It all said everything he was feeling. There was acceptance in there. As if he'll understand if I decide to hate him.

Because the boy already hates himself.

I shifted on the soft bed, moving to my side closer to his warmth. He smelled of acid and vomit. He hasn't changed. I tiredly closed my eyes for a second. ''Where am I?'' I asked and frowned upon smelling my own bad breath.

''My room.'' He answered, standing up again and sitting himself on the chair beside the bed. I looked around in search for a clock. I seem to find none. ''Above your head.'' I tilted my head back and found a digital black clock fastened on the white wall. It says that it was 8:15 in the morning.

I pushed myself up to sit down. Killua twitched in his seat but otherwise didn't approach. As he watched me, I looked down to examine myself. I closed and opened my fists and found them a little weak, yes, but not painful. The same was the case with the rest of my body. I tilted my head to the side, a little confused.

''Did you dress me or something?'' I asked innocently upon seeing my new attire – dark blue shorts and a lavender T-shirt. He blushed fifty shades of red and pink. I smirked at how the colour brought his silver-hair out.

''No! The butler dressed you.''

''Hm… a man or woman?''

He looked flabbergasted. ''Woman, of course! If it was a man then I might as well have done it! Stupid!'' he stood up and yelled down at me, pointing with his finger angrily. My smile widened.

I shrugged and crossed my legs. I raised both arms to the air and stretched my back, hearing joints click everywhere. I let out of a big yawn and then threw my back on his bed, feet rising up to the air and did some flutter kicks.

''I feel good.'' I yawned again then rolled towards him, propping myself up by the elbows.

He was looking away and down to the floor with an extremely sad face. ''What are you sulking about now?'' I scowled. When he turned sharply to me, he had one matching with mine.

''You were _tortured_.'' He gritted out. ''Tortured by my… _my family._ ''

I just stared at him for a brief moment and he stared back until his fierce face broke and looked utterly miserable. ''I… I can't face Gon like this… I can't, I don't even know what else to do with you. First, it was Illumi and now, it was… it was Milluki and _mom_.'' He spat out the last word with venom.

I felt myself mellowed out. ''They thought I was an intruder.'' I lied and he saw through it quickly. His lips curled in disdain and his pupils narrowed to slits like a cat's.

''Don't lie to me. I know what you told them.'' He growled out.

''Hm? What do you think?''

''You're not stupid. You would have told them first you are… _my friend_. Then, they tortured you…''

''Why?'' I asked him even though I knew the answer. The kid looked disturbed.

''They don't want me having friends…'' he whispered, looking down, shoulders slumped.

I hummed, glad he knew about it. Then, I shrugged. ''Oh well, too late.'' I pursed my lips and rolled over to my back. ''Did they inject me with a serum?'' I asked while I scrutinised my bruised arms. They looked tiny and pale under his white light.

''How d'd you know?'' was his question. I made an uncaring noise. ''Muscle repair.'' He said.

''Ah… of course. I reckon that I'd have to have more then?'' He didn't answer. ''I'd like to have tablets instead of needles. I hate needles.'' I admitted, instantly remembering Illumi.

The silence worsened. ''I'm sorry, Gin.''

I closed my eyes and sighed. ''It was my fault, anyway. I ran away and Mikey chased me. Then I…'' I trailed off, remembering my strange Nen. Shadows, it seemed. And it looked like it can be triggered with hate. I blinked, thinking about it. So, the mirror was something I probably and unconsciously made up.

It made sense, I think. Since, I was a quite vain person and have always checked my dress and 'faces' from the mirror.

What I meant here was my facial expressions. I don't know if I was the only one but I've practised facial exercises and expressions before. You know, just so I'm ready when the time comes when I need them. _So far, I've got my blank face, my fragile face, my innocent face, my cute face, my cold and I'm-going-to-kill-you face well practised!_

I smiled, closing my eyes and my breathing slowly evening out. I was tired and exhausted. Yes, I said them twice in different words. This meant I was really, really tired. But then, just as I was drifting back to sleep, I heard my stomach growl. I groaned, not really hungry. Or maybe, not really in the mood to eat.

I sighed when I heard Killua press something. A faint ring sounded. ''I want food.'' The young master ordered in a chilly and even tone. _Wow, Killua's so shoujo boy cool._ My shoulders shook.

''What do you want, Gin?'' I heard him asked, tone a lot different.

I can't help but smirk. ''Hm…not really hungry though.'' I yawned so wide that my jaw clicked. I snapped my mouth shut and massaged the area. _God, I don't want a locked jaw._

Killua's voice was stiff. ''You'll eat. What do you want?'' he asked again, more hurried.

''Hm…'' I thought. ''Ah. Rice porridge…'' I moaned, remembering Mito's cooking. ''…And boiled eggs.''

''Rice porridge and boiled eggs. Make two bowls.'' He ordered, cool once again before he clicked the end button and placed the phone back to where it was before. I turned to check. It was on the bedside table.

''Don't sleep yet, Gin.'' I hummed, getting myself sink deeper into the soft bed. It felt wonderful. So soft and obviously expensive. His duvet covers and the pillows were black with airships and alien planets designed on them. I smiled, tracing an airship with a finger.

 _Cute_. _I wondered how Illumi's room look like. Needles everywhere with a collection of human figurines? Bottles full of preserved organs?_ I shook my head as my mind went from mildly disturbing to very disturbing pictures of dead corpses pinned on his walls.

There was a soft knock on the door. ''Enter.'' Drawled Killua. I leaned down into the covers to hide my smile.

''Good morning, Master Killua and Lady Gin.'' The man greeted a little bit too cold for my liking. But then again, that might just be how he usually is. He was wearing a formal dark suit and glasses covering his sharp eyes. But still, my eyebrows raised at my name. _Lady Gin, eh?_ I pursed my lips to force them straight, unsuccessfully.

 _I really feel like I'm in some kind of drama here._

I looked up as the butler seemed to have conjured a small round table fit for two people between Killua and me. I stared up at him as he placed the plates set up the table with efficient gracefulness. I started when I saw another image.

Of Hisoka's familiar form with his arms wide open and his hands holding on to his cards. He was right above the butler whose neck had a line of red crossing his neck. The butler was dead.

'' Gin. What is it?'' Killua's voice pierced through my reverie. I blinked, eyes losing its dazed look. I realised then that the butler was staring down at me as I watched him blankly.

''Oh… Sorry. I… just got lost in my own head there for a bit.'' I grinned apologetically, tapping my temple.

Killua's shoulders slackened and he reclined on his seat. Turning to the butler, ''Gotoh, thank you.'' The butler bowed to him deeply then shallowly to me. I smiled, amused at his show of servitude. Killua's gaze sharpened, no doubt seeing the display but did nothing in the end. He can't really tell or order someone to feel something they don't.

Before the butler can turn, ''How are Gon and the others?'' he asked, arms resting on his chair's arm rest, looking like a boy king.

The butler bowed once again. ''They are being cared for in the Butler's house, Master Killua.'' He replied, respectfully.

Seemingly satisfied, Killua lightened up in his seat and gave the butler a smile. ''Good. Take care of them, Gotoh.'' He ordered, a little bit softly but still not losing his edge.

I observed the butler and he seemed to smile. _Ah… he likes him and he likes him...In short, they like each other._

''Please enjoy the food.'' The butler bowed once again and left.

I whistled. ''Wow, Killua, my lord, my king, my young master…'' I called to him faux-reverently. His lips twitched and he crossed his arms over his chest. I chuckled. ''Now I know where you got it from.'' I said and pulled myself off the bed towards the impromptu dinner set. _How the heck did he do this so quickly?_

I sat down and sniffed the porridge, half for the scent of food and half for the scent of poison. But then again, some poison have no smell. I turned over my shoulder when I felt Killua's shadow behind. I blinked when he took a spoon and leaning down, he scooped a hot porridge into his mouth. He hummed. ''All clear.'' He decided. ''Don't worry. I trust Gotoh.'' He added and then sat on the other side of the table.

I shrugged and smiled. ''Okay.''

At the first bite, I closed my eyes and let out a moan of appreciation. I realised then that I was extremely hungry. Not caring if it was too hot, I finished the porridge in a flash.

''Want more?'' I looked up, licking my lips. Killua hasn't touched his.

''You're not hungry?''

He shook his head. ''Here.'' He tasted his food then afterwards, he pulled my empty one and replaced it with his. With a jerk of his head, I hesitantly brought a spoonful to my mouth.

I looked up once again when he propped his elbow on the table and held his cheek, watching me. My eye twitched, extremely uncomfortable. ''What?'' I snarled. He smiled a little though it didn't reach his eyes.

''…Nothing.'' I raised an eyebrow. He sighed. ''I'm sorry, Gin.'' He repeated and I can't even remember how many times I've heard it from him from the span of like…5 minutes. _A record breaker._

''You've been saying that since I woke up and now you're just being weird. I told you it's not your fault and we're still friends, don't worry. Now, go back to being the catfish I know. All this feels from you is literally killing me. Not to mention it's giving me the creeps.'' I shivered ad briefly hugged myself.

Killua broke into a small laugh. ''Fine…'' he acquiesced. ''We're still friends…'' he said more to himself. I looked down to my half-finished porridge to give him a moment of privacy whilst he fixed his face. With a more relaxed smile, I continued eating, too hungry to care and notice his eyes.

After I ate, Killua ushered me to bed and I gratefully threw myself into his covers, sighing. ''How bout you?'' I groggily asked.

''its fine.'' I heard him say, albeit a bit hazily. ''Sleep, Gin. We'll go see Gon later when you wake up.''

' _'_ _Hm_ … hey… have you seen my feathers?''

He sighed and ruffled my heavy head.

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _So... What do you think of the Zoldyk Family and their hospitality so far?_

 _About Gin's Nen ability, well... I can't tell you yet! You betcha read on! Hahaha I've got so much in store for her. Also, the reason she faints so fast is because she's still weak. Remember that Nen needs a lot of training to master and she is nowhere near that. Therefore, we could say that her Nen stores are really low. So once she uses it, she gets very exhausted. I'm glad you liked Hisoka's POV! Hahaha about lemons.. well, I try not to bring the characters too out of character. Besides, they're still 12. Hahaha maybe I'll write an extra some day. Thanks so much for the kind reviews and I love them very much. Furthermore, despite of everything, I really love my baby Gin. I just don't think the Zoldyks will take any visitors very warmly, especially if they've seen that someone has Nen and able to subdue their dangerous watchdog by herself and so easily._

 _Tell me what you think? Thanks so much! Hxh isn't mine!_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	23. Extra Chapter - What if

**Extra Chapter: Heat and miss**

 _Age: 18/19_

* * *

Killua pushed her inside the small room, footsteps clumsy and hands desperate. Some things fell like a bunch of broomsticks and mops but they angrily kicked them away from their feet before pulling at each other again. His hands gripped her tiny waist, tensed and wandering up to her ribs and down to her bottom. He opened his mouth and caught hers, sucking the soft petals of her lips. He groaned when she bit nipped at his lower lips and returned it. He felt her smile. He used the opportunity to push his tongue in.

Their tongues met in a clash and they moaned. It has been so long. So long…

Gin looked good. Too good. And he missed her so much. He didn't know one can miss someone so badly it hurt. When she suddenly appeared in the restaurant he and Gon was staying in, he watched, a little jealous, (fine! a lot jealous) when she casually threw herself first to her brother and peppered his face with kisses while she gave him only a smile and a wink.

Gon, as usual, just blushed and let her. He had fisted his hands under the table then, fighting the urge to grab her and pull her onto him. But Gon…

His hands found her thighs, he pinched them hard and she moaned, tilting her head back, offering her neck to him. He licked them repeatedly and peppered open-mouthed kisses on her soft skin, paying close attention to the scratches there. Pushing his hands up to her waist, he marvelled at touching her skin after such a long time.

''Lose the shirt.'' She ordered, voice raspy. Without hesitation, he pulled the T-shirt off and smirked at hearing her hum in appreciation. ''Someone's been busy…'' she purred, hands tracing his stomach. His hips jerked in instinct when she traced the waistband of his jeans. She chuckled. Killua bit his lips in slight embarrassment.

He kissed her once again, growling and he shamelessly pushed his lower body into hers. She gasped and hooked one leg around his waist. He pulled the other one too and pushed her back fully onto the wall. Her hands weaved through his hair and he can't help but close his eyes at the feeling of her massaging his head. ''Did you miss me?'' she asked, mouth hot against his jaw.

He hummed and let her feel how much. She giggled. ''I miss you too.'' She whispered breathily then raked his back with her nails. He loved it. ''Get me out of this dress?'' she asked, voice husky and playful like a naughty cat.

Killua stopped his ministrations with her reddened ear and sucked the most sensitive part of her neck, leaving his mark. She moaned again, head tilting to give him more space. Panting like the needy teen that he was, he unzipped her dress, pinned her to the wall using his body and reached down to the hem of her green dress and pulled it up. He wondered briefly what she was dressing up as right now.

He let out a shaky sigh. He found that he liked it when she dresses up for him. And him only. No one knew after all what she wears under her dresses and sometimes, downright queer outfits. _No one but him._ Today, she was wearing a dark blue and black laced matching lingerie. It matched his eyes, he realised with a pleased smile. He looked up and saw her smirking. ''Like it?''

He pushed one strap down and kissed her shoulder then he did the same with the other. He licked the scar there upwards, ''Very much.''

She giggled and with her hands hooked around his armpits, she supported herself and moved her back off the wall. He shivered as he felt her hot breath on his ear. ''Help me…'' she moaned and he could imagine her biting her lip, dark eyes half-lidded.

In a snap, he pushed her roughly on the wall. She gasped and smiled as he pulled the bra off and threw it carelessly to the floor where it belonged. ''Hm…Much better.'' She murmured and stared up to him, expectantly.

He leaned in and kissed those smirking lips, down to her neck and shoulders and finally on her exposed breasts. With a grunt, he pushed her higher on the wall and continued giving her the attention she wanted him to give her so bad whilst she hugged his head close to her chest and played with his hair.

''How was training?'' she asked so casually.

''…Good.''

''Hm… _Oh…_ have you heard anything about Kurapika?'' he stopped, letting go of her breast with a small pop then tilted his head back to look into her dazed eyes.

''You're with me and you're talking about Kurapika?'' he frowned while licking his wet lips.

She smiled. ''Come on… I've tried to contact him again and again but for some reason, he never answers.'' She frowned, worried and half her attention far away from him already. ''Leorio and I are worried. He never did disappear like this before…'' she sighed and trailed off.

Biting his lip, he leaned in and kissed her neck, climbing quickly up to her face. ''He'll come around sooner or later.'' He murmured, trying to get her attention back only to him.

''Hm…'' she hummed.

Killua pulled away. ''You're not here anymore, are you?'' he asked, annoyed.

Her eyes widened. ''W-what? Of course I am!'' Jaw tensed, he pulled away and unhooked her legs around his waist. He crossed his arms and looked down at her, disapprovingly. She smiled, sheepish. ''Sorry… You know me, I get lost in my own head easily.'' She tapped her temple.

Face softening, he turned away. From his peripheral, he saw her smile. Then, slowly she approached and hooked fingers to the pockets of his jeans to pull them closer. ''I'm sorry, Killua- _chan_ …Let me make it up to you?'' She purred, lips teasing his jawline and neck. She can't quite reach his lips from her height. He smirked and closed his eyes, turning away slightly.

Soon after, the room was filled with his pants and groans as he braced himself to the wall on one hand, with his other hand entangled with her black hair. ''God! Gin… _hah_ … _ah_...I love you.'' He groaned and let himself get lost in her.

He returned the favour shortly after.

* * *

 _Author's note: This scene is a what-if scene (if Killua and Gin become together). Whoo! This is my first time writing lemon! What do you think? Oh by the way! This doesn't affect the story at all. It's just an idea I had since someone said I can do a good lemon ahahahha (ahem havanatitiana) xD_

 _xoxo (nose-bleeding)_

 _Abby D._


	24. Chapter 22 - Lavender is Blue

**Chapter 22 – Lavender's Blue**

 _''A mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven.'' ~ Paradise Lost, John Milton_

* * *

When I woke up, I saw Killua first, lying on his chair with his small legs dangling on the other arm rest while his back rested on the other arm, cushioned by a pillow. He had already changed his shirt to a similar black long-sleeved turtleneck shirt. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and stretched on my stomach, arching my back.

''Oh? You're awake. Good. It's nearly 5.'' Killua said. I glanced behind me up to the digital clock.

''Hm… Did you tell Gon I'm here?'' I finally asked when I realised what he must've felt when I ran away with a dangerous watchdog chasing after me.

''Yeah…'' he answered absentmindedly, eyes affixed on his game. I smiled and let him play some more whilst I threw my legs over his bed and walked towards a small room that I know would be his closet. _Damn, rich kid,_ I thought and with a wicked smile, wandered around.

''Do you have something more interesting than this? I'd like to change…'' I said, my voice hollow inside the walk-in closet. I heard him scoff and mumble something incoherent. ''Hey! Did you see my feathered hat?!'' I turned sharply and peered at him from the door.

He looked up briefly, biting his lips as his fingers angrily moved over the tiny buttons of his game console. Judging by the sounds, it probably was a fighting game or something. _Boys…_ I inwardly rolled my eyes.

He frowned. ''No. I haven't. What feathers do you keep talking about, anyway? You're so weird.'' He said. I rolled my eyes and scoffed at his attitude but still glad of it coming back. A sullen Killua is a boring companion, after all. The attitude I can take but the depression? _Urgh, no thank you, I've got my own and it's already too much too handle._

Briefly, my mind supplied me an image of a crying Killua with his lips trembling and curled down in sadness. He was rubbing his teary blue eyes while looking at me like a lost kitty. Without me knowing, I covered my mouth with both hands and I was already squealing at the cuteness.

''Gin!'' I jerked, surprised.

''What?!''

The silver-haired boy sighed, a frown forming on his forehead. ''You're so freaking weird.'' He said tiredly. Then, he waved his console on air and shrugged. ''Oh well… not like I'm not used to being surrounded by your kind…'' he sighed once again.

I gasped, aghast. ''Oy!'' I placed both hands on my hips and marched in front of him. ''Excuse me! Your family is way _weirder_ than me.'' I said, lowering my voice but emphasising it. ''Your weirdness is to the next level!'' I nodded, all wide eyes.

Killua's lips curled up but agreed anyway. ''Yeah… I guess my mom is weird.'' He said, a little too seriously.

''…But that's cool!'' he looked up to me, eyebrows raised. _Really?_ He seemed to say sarcastically. I crossed my arms, turning my nose up haughtily. ''You know what they say…the weirder one is, the stronger one is. Hmf. Why do you think I'm so weird? It's my strength seeping through.'' I sighed, flipping invisible hair. ''I'm just…so good. I can't help it.'' I moaned in frustration.

''Tch.'' The boy looked away, shaking his head with a disbelieving smile.

''So… Do you have anything more interesting other than this?!'' I motioned at my attire. He looked at me up and down with pursed lips. Scratching his neck, he sighed and jumped off the chair, throwing the game console at me.

 _Ooh…_ I curiously played and pressed buttons until I found 'New game'. The screen said 'Select character' and I scrolled down until I saw all the characters. That little pervert had an extremely busty woman as his 'most played character' whose name is 'Baby Blue'. My eye twitched, lips curling in disgust. _Killua…you doltish nincompoop._

My frowned deepened when I realised that most of his characters are women. I looked up and found him absent from my sight. He was busy inside the closet. I shook my head. _Kids these days…_

Then I stiffened. Killua…Killua might influence my baby Gon... He'd no doubt introduce my sweet baby brother to these things! And this will ruin his innocence forever!

''KILLUA!'' I screamed on top of my lungs and ran towards the closet. We met halfway and pushed against each other. Him, looking all alert and with I, looking absolutely murderous.

''You!'' I pointed angrily. He frowned, eyes searching myself up and down.

''What's wrong with you?!''

''You! Don't you ever…ever…ever show this to my brother! My sweet Gonny! Don't you dare!'' I growled. I watched as the guy relaxed and the glower came off his face, replaced by a sadistic catfish smirk.

He hummed and crossed his arms. ''Heh… You know that sooner or later he'll find out about these things right? Come on!'' He tilted his head to the side with that enduring smirk. I trembled in anger, hands fisting at my sides. My whole face reddened.

''Killua!'' I growled out. His smirk widened. ''Don't you even dare...'' I pointed at his face, lips curling into a silent sneer. ''If! If my brother suddenly turns a pervert like you! If!...if I ever see him watching or playing… these… these… questionable things…I will find you! And I will kill you. Understand?!''

He chuckled. ''Killua…'' my voice darkened and I let out a wave of killing intent. He froze for a second, blue eyes dilating and then sighed, lifting his arms in mock-surrender.

''Fine…fine!'' he agreed, face cleared off from the smirk though his blue eyes still twinkling in amusement.

I sneered at him and turned down, focusing at the game. I pressed the 'Make a character' and created the guy of my dreams. _Hm… Let's see, long blonde hair, fair skin-tone, green eyes, six-foot tall, golden warrior, swordsman…_ I made a small giggle, my face getting hot.

''…and you call me a pervert.'' Said the boy who I forgot was beside me, peering down at the screen.

I hugged the console to my chest. ''Killua… go find me a good dress or something cool.'' I ordered, waving my hand away.

His eye twitched. ''Oy… Why would I have a dress, you bitch. You're fine as you are!'' He pulled and snatched his Gameboy back and then strode to his bed.

I gasped. ''Killua, come on! I haven't even finished my character!''

''Tche!'' he ignored me and started playing with his 'Baby blue', judging from the girl moans and groans from the console.

I pouted, crossing my arms and took a note to buy one of those when I get out of this mansion.

I turned to the side when a knock from the door sounded. I sprung up and threw myself beside Killua who looked at me oddly. _What, your people are creepy!_ I told him through my eyes.

''Enter.'' He drawled, still half-playing his game. I made a show of watching the game like a loyal friend and fixed my face to an interested expression upon seeing Baby Blue's bouncing boobs. I looked up when I heard the familiar clacks of wooden sandals.

''Kalluto.'' Killua straightened and jumped off the bed. I copied him but stayed on the other side of the bed. ''What?'' Killua regarded his sister coldly as if speaking to another child who wasn't his sister. I frowned slightly, not liking the attitude. After all, without the girl, I may be more hurt than I was during the Zoldyck's welcoming session.

''Mama told me to me to bring some clothes to our visitor.'' The little girl announced, sounding impassive like a robot. I felt a little concerned but then again, this little girl might be better at killing than me. _Ha-ha-ha_ …But still, it's not healthy for a little girl like her to be so… _cold_. And I have a feeling the little girl feels more than she lets on.

Killua raised an eyebrow at the girl. In response, Kalluto clapped her hands twice. My eyes widened.

''My feathers!'' I exclaimed happily and skipped towards the butler. ''Oh sweet baby! I thought I lost you, my love! Oh…'' I cooed, shifting my gaze to the startled butler. I gave her my sweetest smile. ''Thank you so much, Miss Butler!'' I took my feathered head-dress and placed it on my head.

I pirouetted on my spot. ''Killua! Look! Cute, right?''

He narrowed his eyes then with a sigh, ''Yeah… '' he replied, drily. I ignored him. _Boy, doesn't know style._

My eyes caught my old, backpack which looked a little clean. I hid my smile. _Rich people can't handle some dirt._ I reached out and thanked the butler holding the bag. Then, my hip bag containing my knives was in the hands of another butler as well as _Togari_ and my weapon holsters and throwing knives. So, overall, there were 5 butlers in the room and there two others silently waiting by the door.

''Just leave the things here.'' Killua said and sat down on his bed, pointing at his bed. I watched as Kalluto blinked.

''Killua. Do you know how to put on corsets?'' the girl asked innocently. I froze. _Corsets?_

Killua stiffened. ''What? ... No! She's not wearing one of those! She's fine as she is, right Gin?!'' The silver-haired boy turned to me, eyes begging me to agree with him.

I blinked. I ignored Killua's growing horror and smiled brightly at Kalluto. ''Ooh! I'd love to!'' I clapped my hands once. Her face seemed to brighten up. Killua groaned and threw his face on his airship and alien planets sheets.

* * *

'' _Urgh!''_ I groaned as the girl pulled the blue corset's laces harder. ''No… No… Not too hard…Oh... Kalluto… s-stop... Urgh… I can't b-breathe…''

There was the sound of angry knocks. ''Oy! Kalluto! What are you doing?!'' Killua shouted from the door.

''A little bit more, Gin-san.'' Kalluto said softly from behind. I held on tight against the canopied bed's column and breathe in then groaned when Kalluto tugged at the laces once more. I shouldn't be surprise that the girl was strong. But I was _. Just a little more… God… My ribs might break if this continues…_

''…There. Now, the rest of the dress.'' She said. I took deep breaths before turning around weakly. _I am starting to regret this…If not only for the fact that I so badly want to wear a ball gown._

My eyes widened and a slow wide smile enveloped my face. Then I froze. ''Wait…'' I eyed Kalluto's confused face. She cutely tilted her head to the side. ''You didn't put a time bomb in this, did you?''

Her eyes widened a fraction then shook her head furiously. I narrowed my eyes, extremely suspicious at her reaction. She stopped shaking her head. ''We wouldn't do that. You're Killua's _friend_.'' She said, voice softening at the word friend.

 _As if that meant something when your mom and brother were torturing me at that room._

''Do…do you not want to wear it anymore?'' Kalluto asked me, all wide puppy dog eyes. Her eyes were a deep purple, I realised. I blinked then smiled when I noticed the little mole by her right eye. She blinked and straightened even more if that was even possible. ''Yes?'' she asked, expectantly

I smiled and patted her head. ''You're cute.'' I told her. She blinked and I smiled wider at her puzzled expression. ''Thank you, Kalluto-chan.'' A small blush decorated the girl's cheeks and I looked away to give her a bit of privacy.

The blue dress in front of me glimmered under Killua's bright white lights. I sighed, dreamily. _So pretty. Like Cinderella…_

* * *

''Oh my god…This is so pretty!'' I gushed and twirled around again, loving the way the blue ball gown swished gently like water all around me.

''This is an apology and a thank you for visiting us,'' replied Kalluto. I smiled back at her. Her tone has improved and sounded _a little_ upbeat than her usual doll-voice.

''Tche. She visited _me_.'' Killua interjected whilst he stared at me with a bored look on his face. ''Oy. You're not gonna wear that for long right? You're gonna remove that the moment we step out of here.''

I smoothed down the dress to as far as I could, humming. ''Oh, I can't wait for Gon to see me like this.'' I mused out loud, twirling once again. I giggled. ''Alright! Killua! Whilst wearing this dress, you must call me _Cinderella.''_

His eye twitched. ''Hell no.'' was his sharp objection. I pouted and glided towards Kalluto who was standing politely at one side of the room. I held her interlocked hands in mine. She blinked up to me.

Without any other word, I ignored how her eyes widened and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. ''Thank you, _darling, my fairy godmother!''_

''Eh?'' She leaned back, hand going up to her kissed face, too surprised to do anything else. I giggled.

'' _Lavender's blue, dilly-dilly, lavender's green. When I am king, dilly-dilly, you shall be queen. Who told you so, dilly-dilly, who told you so? 'Twas my own heart, dilly-dilly that told me so…''_ I sang and proceeded twirling and gliding around Killua's room, humming sweetly and very deep within my day-dream.

''…I knew this would happen…''

Next thing I know, someone grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me none-too-gently. Killua's blue eyes pierced mine. ''Oy! Get out of your head! Come on! We're going to Gon! Geez! Look at the time!'' He bellowed at my face. I wiped at his spit on my face then brightened, remembering Gon.

''Oh yes!'' I agreed, a little breathily due to my tight corset. ''I can't wait for Gon to see this!''

I passed the bowed butlers with an everlasting smile. ''Thank you for all your help, everyone!'' I sang and then twirled towards Kalluto who was watching me with a frozen blank look on her face. I carefully unlocked her hands and held them in mine.

''Thank you again, Kalluto-chan. I hope to see you again. Be well, okay?'' I told her warmly and I glided away before she can react, arms floating and fluttering around.

'''Oops… '' I turned back and grabbed my bag from the floor. I stared at my things for a moment, thinking. ''Aha!'' I sang. I pushed my bare-feet up and strapped on my weapons on my thighs. The empty straps for my arms, I pushed them into my bag. I shifted, searching for _Togari._

''I'm borrowing these for a while.''

I glanced up and found Killua throwing and catching my hook bill knives effortlessly. I relaxed and nodded, smiling sweetly. Killua scowled, eye twitching.

''What the heck's wrong with you? Have you gone completely mad?'' he yelled, striding and towering over me. I blinked.

 _A princess should never shout. Graceful, kind and serene._

''What is it, Killua?''

Killua ran a hand and messed his silver-hair. I fluttered my eyes innocently. ''Are you alright? Shall we wait for—''

''STOP THAT! GOD! YOU'RE GIVING THE CREEPS!''

 _''Oh my…''_ I covered my mouth as shocked at his temper.

''Gin!'' he growled out as warning. My lips twitched up, threatening to pull up into a smirk. But alas! I endeavoured to keep my calm. _I am Cinderella and I am a pretty girl with a blonde heart. Ah. I mean, golden heart._ I covered my mouth to smother my giggle, ignoring and uncaring of the eyes in the room.

''Gin-san?'' Kalluto called. ''Here.'' She handed me a pair of polished black doll shoes. I received the gift with another thank you.

''This… this is too much! Thank you!'' I exclaimed. Kalluto smiled.

''Come on!'' Killua shouted, irritated.

''Coming, Killua! Oh, I can't wait to see Gon!'' I threw my bag to his chest. He caught it instinctively and then scowled. ''It will ruin my outfit.'' I told him as a matter-of- factly. He opened his mouth to say something but then decided not to with a shake in the head.

 _''…Gon better be there…I can't stay with her like this… God, I hope it's not contagious.''_ He grumbled to himself behind and I pretended not to hear as I glided along their dark corridor in my blue glittering dress.

* * *

Silva, Zeno, Kikyo, and Milluki watched from the mansions' computer room. There were several screens in front of them, showing different videos. The one they just watched, and the one they kept replaying was one that occurred yesterday with their watchdog, Mike. On one screen, there was a video being captured from the girl's dress and the many others showed Killua and the feathered-hat girl as they walked out and away from the mansion towards the Butler house, or in the girl's case, _gliding_.

Zeno watched them with an almost bored look on his face. There was a knock.

''Come in!'' shouted Milluki.

Kalluto, the youngest entered. ''Oh, Kalluto! Are you alright? T-that girl! Doing that to you!'' Kikyo groaned in angry frustration. ''Papa! Why'd you let that girl be close to our Killua-chan!? Can't you see?! She's treating our Killua-chan like a… like a servant!'' Kikyo groaned, the visor on her face buzzing angrily.

''Hm.'' Silva ignored his wife and watched the two children. The girl was still… whilst his son had a permanent scowl on his face.

''Will you stop your humming!? Where did you hear that song? It's awful!'' His son yelled at which the girl merely hummed, pausing and turning to show Killua's face.

''Oh, I'm sorry. I…I will try.'' Was her _polite_ answer. They'd buy it if not for the fact that they had seen and heard the girl's attitude before.

''She's good at deception.'' Silva commented.

''Hm.''

Killua groaned, stomping his feet. ''God… why… why did they give her this…'' Silva's mouth twitched.

Soon after, they reached the Butlers house. Zeno's eyebrows rose when the girl curtsied. The Killua on the screen closed his eyes before turning away and addressed the butler.

''Gotoh. Where's Gon and the others?'' the boy asked excitedly. The screen jumped when the girl did.

''Unfortunately they're still not here, Master Killua. But we expect they will soon.''

''Ah… fine, then. We'll wait upstairs. Could you fetch me the moment they come, Gotoh?''

The butler bowed. ''Yes, Master Killua.''

''Oy! Airhead! Come on!'' He called over his shoulder. The girl followed, graceful. Maybe a little too graceful, however.

''Oh, it is so sad Gon's still not here…'' she said, voice as sweet as a bird's. Killua scoffed, placing his hands deep into his pockets.

''Gin… can you stop now? Geez, aren't you tired, yet?'' They walked up the stairs. Killua slowed his gait to match the girl probably unaware that he did. Then, they entered the room prepared for Killua.

''I don't know what you're talking about.'' The girl sang and walked around whilst Killua threw himself down the sofa and started eating sweets.

''I don't get you at all. Sometimes you're all so serious, sometimes you seem sane then sometimes you're downright insane. Seriously, pick one personality and stick with it.'' Killua threw an empty box of chocolate over his shoulder.

''But that would be too boring, wouldn't it?'' sang the happy girl. ''And I'm not mad…just a bit.''

''Tche. You're crazy.''

''Killua!'' Then like catching herself back again, ''don't say unpleasant things, Killua. It's not nice!'' she lightly admonished.

The girl laid down, it seemed. Because the screen showed only the ceiling. ''Ne… Killua. Do you hear that?''

''Hear what?''

''…a buzzing noise.'' They heard Killua shift. Then, the girl sat up with a loud gasp. ''Killua!'' the sharp deep tone of her voice was back. ''What if they really placed a time bomb in this dress!?''

Silva inwardly shook his head. That wouldn't be their style at all. Killua looked alarm but then rolled his eyes. ''That wouldn't be our style at all, stupid. Come here.'' He beckoned.

''Tche. What do you think I am? A dog?'' the girl replied, haughtily.

'' .tut. Come on, .tut.'' Killua snapped his fingers. The girl growled.

''I will tell Gon!'' She screeched.

''Just come 'ere so I can check!''

''Hmph. Why won't you come here?'' The two bickered for a few moments more until the girl stood and kneeled in front a lying Killua.

Silva and Kikyo gasped as well as the kids. ''Kalluto! Turn away!'' the mother of Zoldycks screeched though it was too late. They had placed the bug so it was right above and inside the girl's chest after all.

''Kyaaaa! Killua you pervert! How dare you! Urgh! Eww!''

''Ack! Stop! Stop it, woman!''

''How dare—I'll tell Gon!''

''Gon…Gon… Gon… Every time you open your mouth, it's either nonsense or Gon! Geez! You're worse than my mother!'' Kikyo gasped, _no…_

The girl gasped. '' _No!_ You bastard! I'll kill you! I can't believe I just got harassed by a kid! Argh!''

''Stupid woman. We're the same age. Besides, there's nothing in there but flat lands. Go grow some tits!'' Silva closed his eyes and shook his head, though he can't help but smile. Meanwhile, his poor wife was too shaken to say anything. Her knees have weakened and she fell on the floor.

The girl gasped and before she can think of a witty remark to reply.

''Besides…'' Blue eyes stared at them from the screen. ''Yo! Dad, Grandpa, Mom and Milluki… possibly also Kalluto if you've arrived there already and they let you in. This is all you're allowed to see. Don't follow –''

The screen moved and the girl came into view with a multi-coloured tribal feathered head-dress above her head. She fluttered her eyelashes and smiled sweetly. ''Hi! Thank you for the dress, Zoldycks-sama! It's beautiful!''

''Hmph. Of course it is—''

''Kalluto-chan! Bye bye! See you again, soon!'' Kalluto blinked. The girl puckered her lips and kissed the screen.

''Urgh! She's _vile_!'' commented Milluki, backing away from the screen.

''Tch. He's the one who placed the bug on you, idiot. Turn around and lemme check your behind.'' Silva smirked, silently laughing.

''Oh shut up, your sister's amazing! Unlike you!''

''I have no sister.'' The girl gasped.

''You dolt! Take that back! Kalluto! Don't mind him! Killua's a jerk!''

''—Killua-chan is not a…T-that girl is bullying our Killua-chan! Papa!'' They ignored Kikyo, as usual.

''Ouch, airhead, stay away from me. I don't want to get your crazy disease. Urgh!...''

''Take that back!''

''…Gin! I don't have a sister.'' Killua said firmly. The girl protested again, and seemed to kick something. They heard Killua sigh.

''….Ugh…How does your brother put up with you?''

''Take it back, you—''

''KALLUTO'S A BOY! SO SHUT IT AND CALM THE HECK DOWN!''

''….. _''_

 _''…Oh.''_

''Yes. _Oh_ … Now, come on, give me that and lemme kill it. You're so high maintenance. Geez!'' Killua grumbled.

''….Oh, okay then.''

The screen went blank.

It was quiet for a few moments before Zeno turned and ambled towards the door. ''I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree after all.'' Was all he said. Silva closed his eyes to prevent rolling them and proceeded towards his wife, gently pulling her off the floor.

''Papa!'' she moaned.

''Come on, Kikyo. Killua will be fine.''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _A rather light chapter, don't you think? Just what our Gin needs. As usual, thanks for the reviews. Thanks so much for your support! I think this is it for the Zoldyck family arc. I forgot how to spell their name! Oh the shame! Thanks for pointing that out! I don't really have an update schedule. I just post my chapter as soon as I finish writing them. Hihi. I kinda miss Hisoka too._ _What do you think of the Zoldyck's gift for Gin? A blue ball gown! Wow! So grand!_ _What do you think of Zeno's comment?! Oooh!_

 _About a hisokaxgin extra lemon chapter - that's gotta be hard! HAHAHA I will need to research! Am I the only one here who didn't bother watching 50 shades of grey or reading it?_

 _Hisoka - the Lolita lover and his Gin- the light of his life and the fire of his loins...Good title eh? (reference to Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov)_

 _HXH isn't mine! Only Gin_

 _Yours truly,_

 _Abby D._


	25. Chapter 23 - Ready or Not

**Chapter 22 – Ready or not**

 _''_ _Love is a poison, a sweet poison yes, but it will kill you all the same.'' ~ George RR Martin_

* * *

After Killua has finished all his sweets, he told me that he was going downstairs to check with Gotoh again. Eager to just glide around in my blue dress, I followed him.

''Gotoh, are Gon and the others not here yet?'' he whined, opening the double doors.

''Killua!'' I straightened into focus upon hearing his voice.

''Gon!'' I cried, pushing the unsuspecting silver-haired boy away. I glided into the room, beaming at their jaw-drops.

''Gin!'' my brother stood from the grand sofa and jumped swiftly to meet me halfway. ''You look beautiful!'' I giggled, twirling around. The blue gown made a soft sloshing sound as I moved.

''Tche. Good you're here Gon. She's such a pain!'' complained Killua. I embraced my brother who hugged me back tightly.

''What happened to you?! Are you alright?'' Gon scowled, worriedly. ''I was so worried. You just ran and Mikey chased after you, howling and everything. I was so worried! We tried chasing you but…there was nothing there! I was so worried! I thought… I thought that…''

The unwavering sweet princess smile I was wearing fell down in an instant and all my dream-like state came crashing down. Gon… Gon looked awful, I just noticed. He smelt strongly of blood and sweat. His face still had scratches on them and he had dark circles under his eyes. My heart ached, full of guilt in an instant. _I…I should've returned to him the moment I woke up. Why didn't I? Normally I would, wouldn't I?_

Then, as if realising the silence, Gon blinked and immediately brightened. ''But then, Killua's mom said they had you! I was so glad! I knew then that Killua would take care of you!'' I let him hug me again.

I smiled. ''I'm sorry Gon. I didn't mean to worry you.''

''It's alright.'' He whispered.

Killua walked past us. ''Ohh?! So you're here too…Kurapika!'' The blonde looked disappointed.

''Am I just an afterthought?'' he asked more to himself.

''…Oh, and Liorio!'' The older teen scowled heavily.

''It's Leorio!'' he growled out.

Just like that, the attention was off us and Gon happily let go of me to jogged towards his best friend. Killua turned to my brother with a happy teasing smirk. ''What happened to you? Your face is a wreck!''

Gon laughed. ''Yours isn't any better!'' They shared one happy laugh. The atmosphere was light and happy once they've reunited. Even the usual stoic butlers smiled.

''Oy, Gotoh! I told you to let me know when they arrive! What were you doing?!'' Killua demanded. The butlers bowed.

''Forgive me.'' The butler sounded apologetic. ''I had participate in a game for a little while.'' He smiled kindly. I thought it didn't look right on him so I am fairly certain it was fake to some degree. But the butler didn't have malice leaking out…''It was nothing but a poor joke.'' He said.

''Wah… he's good at acting.'' Murmured Leorio, sweat dropping.

They chatted for a while. Then, just as we were about to leave. ''Gon-kun.'' Gotoh flicked a gold coin up and snatched them. ''Which hand?'' he asked. I tilted my head to the side, puzzled and has no idea of the right answer. After all, he could always cheat. But it sure looked like it's in the left hand…

''Left hand!'' answered my brother. The butler opened his hands and revealed it to be in the right. ''Eh! No way!'' my brother complained. He knew it was in his left hand. Gotoh cheated which isn't much of a surprise. For me, that is. Cheats and tricks are one of those cruel things that's always done in this world.

''Indeed. It was deception. In this world, there are many things that are wrong.'' I stiffened, listening intently. ''Please be careful.'' He bowed deeply to my brother. ''I am entrusting master Killua to you.'' I watched as the others bowed simultaneously as well.

Gon solemnly nodded and turned around. ''Bye, Canary!'' he cried as he passed a girl butler. He had left me but that was okay. He knew I was going to follow him anywhere. I shifted towards the butlers who have straightened up and was already waiting for me.

''Lady Gin?''

''Gotoh.'' I called. He snapped into attention like an old guard dog being called by his master. It was an automatic reaction, I realised. When he was called by his name in that even deep tone, he goes into butler mode right away. As if realising I wasn't his master, however, he relaxed in half a second.

''Yes, lady Gin?''

His death flashed in my mind and suddenly my gown felt too tight for me. I gasped, hands flying to my chest. _Should I? Shouldn't I?_

''Beware of the magician.'' I murmured and grasping my inappropriately grand blue dress, I ran towards the door before anyone can stop me and force me to explain.

* * *

''Eh?! You're here on tourist visa?!'' shouted Killua in disbelief. I stared at my brother who smiled sheepishly at me and Killua. I didn't know he wasn't using his license.

He nodded. ''I thought you pass the Hunters exam? You could've use it and you gain free access to stay in almost all countries in the world!''

Gon took a lungful of breath, eyes sharpening in determination. Kurapika and Leorio whispered at each other. ''That's what we told him…''

My twin shook his head. ''No. I promised to myself that I wouldn't use my benefits until I give Hisoka this tag!'' he pulled out a white tag #44. My breath hitched, the image of Gon in the arena coming to haunt my mind. _The arena…Heavens arena…Gon…Hisoka…Tag…_

Killua snorted then sighed. ''I wouldn't use this tag until I manage to land a punch on Hisoka!'' Gon said.

''And… do you know where to find him?'' Killua asked drily because he had an idea of the answer already. Gon shook his head no. The silver-haired boy sighed.

''I know where he is, Gon.'' Cut in a serious Kurapika who sat beside Gon from the other side of the table while Leorio and I sat together. All eyes snapped towards him.

''Really?!''

Leorio frowned. ''How?''

Still with his eyes closed, ''He told me.'' He replied.

Leorio's face changed to one of understanding. ''So that's what he said.'' I blinked, remembering the last phase of the exam then expectedly, of _Bodoro's_ _death._ I remembered him right away. His face appeared in my mind so clearly like it was just yesterday. How he nodded at me as if to try and discreetly comfort the lone little girl in a big bad Hunters exam and then how I watched him die. Twice. From my visions and from my reality.

''I do not recall ever mentioning the Phantom Troupe ever to him. So, either he overheard us from the first phase of the exam or someone informed him.''

 _Chrollo Lucifer and the scarlet eyes._ I figured immediately. _It's going to get even more bloody soon._ My heart rate increased and my throat started to tighten but I fought and controlled my breathing and pasted an interested expression on my face.

''Ah. Gin.'' Kurapika opened his eyes and addressed me. I blinked and tilted my head to the side, feigning ignorance. Smiling gently, ''Phantom troupe.'' He said, grey eyes flashing in silent anger. ''is a group of criminals who murdered my clan.'' I blinked and looked down at the table. _Should I say sorry to hear…no. Your sorry wouldn't do anything after all. That's something strangers would say…_

''Scarlet eyes. They murdered everyone in my clan for our scarlet eyes.'' I gulped spit to wet my suddenly dried throat.

''Hm.'' I felt the boys' eyes on me. I feel like I should say something. I opened my mouth and forced myself to look at the blonde. ''I'm sorry, Kurapika…'' I finally said. He smiled slightly, eyes ever so soft and understanding. Then he became serious once again.

''After the orientation, I asked him once again and he said Yorknew city, September 1st.''

''Eh? September 1st? Then, you have exactly half a year! But what's gonna happen in Yorknew City then?'' asked my brother curiously.

Leorio snapped his fingers, remembering something. ''The world's largest auction!''

''That's right. From September 1st to September 10th. There will be an auction for rare goods and national treasures in Yorknew city. This is bound to attract people, especially the nasty folks who want to satisfy their greed.'' The blonde's voice deepened in silent contempt. ''So, on September 1st, you'll see Hisoka there.''

''I got it. Thanks Kurapika.'' Came my brother's reply.

 _No. You'll see Hisoka at the Heavens arena, Gon._ I thought and looked out of the peaceful forest out of the train's window. The sky was blue with white fluffy clouds scattered about. _Heavens arena, I remembered its name was. Heavens arena, Yorknew City…The places you'll go to will be more dangerous as you go._

 _I'm not ready. I want…_

I closed my eyes, wanting the dress off already. I can't fight in this dress. Too constricting. No matter how beautiful and how much I love the dress, I was simply too weak to wear them. I gripped my arms tighter and breathed normally.

 _ **''**_ _ **If you continue as you are, you will either get yourself or your dear brother killed.''**_

* * *

After we disembarked, Kurapika was the first to say his goodbye. I watched him, filling my head with the memory of his kind and beautiful face. _He's so…dreamy, so handsome, so perfect…_ I sighed, ignoring how a certain white-haired boy who seemed to have heard my thoughts was now looking at me like I was some kind of lecher. To be fair, I think it was the hormones slowly catching up to me…

 _Oh God, yikes!_

''I'll need money to participate in the auction. Therefore, I'll find a patron to hire my services as a hunter.'' He announced.

''Eh… then… I guess I should go now too.'' I turned towards the tall teen. ''I still haven't given up with my dream to be a doctor! Hm! I'm going to apply to the medical school and…'' he pulled out his Hunters License. ''Use this to pay their ridiculous fees!'' He cackled. I giggled with him and memorised his kind face as well. He, too, is handsome in his own rugged and loud way.

 _Oh god, hormones no! Get a hold of yourself, Gin! You can't ogle every guy you see, you bitch!_

He looked down to me and smiled. He reached out as if to ruffle my hair, only to stop and stare at my feathered head-dress with a grimace. I crossed my arms at him and narrowed my eyes, daring him to criticise the pretty thing. Only Gon and Kurapika seemed to really like it!

''Ouch!'' I held my forehead. ''What was that for?'' I asked. Leorio grinned and to my utter surprise, he kissed the spot he flicked. I felt my face reddening and heating up to an impossible temperature. My tight corset was almost painful and if possible, my ears might just explode. ''Wha—wha…''

Leorio smiled and chuckled lightly. He laid a hand on my shoulder and whispered to my red ear. ''When you get another panic attack, remember to do some deep calm breaths – 1, 2, 3 breathe in and 1, 2, 3 breathe out. And tell yourself you're gonna be fine if no one was with you, okay?'' I nodded. ''And…don't curl in to yourself, try to relax.'' I nodded again. I felt him take my hand and slipped a piece of paper there. Then, he straightened up, ignoring Gon's and Killua's flabbergasted and disgusted looks.

''Alright! Let's go Kurapika!''

I looked hesitantly up. My face was undoubtedly red, judging from the heat of it. ''Gin, Gon and Killua. We'll see each other again.'' The blond prince declared with a smile.

''In Yorknew city, September 1st!'' the boys yelled together. I blinked, feeling like I missed something which I think I really did. _Do boys have a secret telepathic link or something?_

At the airport, Kurapika tapped my cheek. ''Gin.'' He called to me. I looked up to him expectantly and watched my wide-eyed expression floating in his grey eyes. His smile widened. ''Be careful.''

''Hm.'' I nodded and did a low curtsy in front of him which earned me a chuckle from the blonde. He bowed gallantly in return. I pursed my lips to stop my smile from getting any wider. _Prince Kurapika…_

''Ah. I nearly forgot Gin.'' I blinked. His smile became a little mischievous. ''You look very pretty in that dress, Gin.'' My smile fell in surprise before my face heated up once again. _What's wrong with these guys! Are their hormones acting up too?!_

He waved a bit more before turning his back on us, following Leorio to the boarding area. My heart was still racing and I can't help the smile in my face even though I was already biting it.

''Oy, airhead! Come on!'' My smile faded at Killua's interruption. With a sharp annoyed look, we followed Gon who was happily skipping away.

''So… It was just the three of us now.'' Said Gon. ''Hey, what do you guys want to do?''

 _I want to go home. I want to see Mito and Grandmother Abe. Shimura-sensei, Yukiji, Mori, Ranma..._

''Train, of course.'' Killua replied first. I turned towards his cool and unbothered form. As usual, he had his hands in his pockets. I wondered briefly if all cool guys got a memo that to be cool, they got to have those hands deep in their pockets.

''Train?'' my brother asked, innocently puzzled. _It's coming…_ ''Why? I thought we'll go have fun or something?''

A vein threatened to pop in Killua's forehead. He smiled, eyebrows twitching. ''Do you remember what you just said?'' he asked my brother, pointing an angry finger at his plastered cheek. ''You said you want to punch Hisoka on the face!'' he said, falsely sweet. Gon grimaced. Then…

''STUUUUUUPID!'' bellowed the silver-haired boy. ''You can't land a punch on Hisoka in 10 years let alone 6 months! You expect to do it without training?!'' he roared out. I crossed my arms and let myself watch the events unfold. Killua picked out a twig somewhere and drew faces on the soil. ''This is Hanzo and this…is Hisoka'' I bent down, my hands on my knees. I smiled at Hisoka's doodle face. Killua had it spot-on.

''Uh-huh.''

''This is the difference in their strength.'' Killua drew a line between the two. I tilted my head to the side, _Really? That doesn't look too far,_ I thought. He pointed at my brother with the stick.

''You. You're here.'' I smirked as the boy swiftly slid towards the end of the park. Gon stiffened in annoyance beside me. ''And I'm being generous!'' Killua yelled. I snorted and tried to muffle my giggle.

''Now, I'm just annoyed.'' Gon admitted with a cute angry frown. ''What about you, Gin?'' I blinked, straightening up when he suddenly addressed me. I looked up in thought, remembering Hisoka and our tiny fight in the Trick tower.

''Probably about the same as you.'' Gon seemed to disagree. ''Or somewhere near there.'' I added, waving my hand.

Gon blinked, pursing his lips. My eyes softened at his hesitation to believe me. _Does he think me stronger than him?_ My hands twitched but I fought the urge to throw myself at him. He turned to Killua. ''How about you, Killua?''

The other boy seemed to think then drew a line about half away from Gon's. ''About here.'' He shifted towards me and smirked. My eye twitched in annoyance.

Gon's eyes widened, mouth parting in fascination. Killua turned to his friend. ''What?''

''Hmm… You truly are amazing, Killua!'' I started when Killua jerked and blushed before placing his hands on his hips.

''Cut that out, it's embarrassing.'' He pouted. This time, I think I just developed an eye twitching disease. I didn't know whether to laugh, be awed, or just plain freak out. Because whatever I do, I keep getting the 'feels' signals from these two.

 _Killua… is a transmutation type of Nen, right?_ I swallowed the lump in my throat and blindly followed the two. _Transmutation type… like freaking Hisoka? Hisoka…Hisoka…the pervert who preys on little boys!_

'' _No!''_ I screamed and the two stiffened and turned towards me, tensing into fighting stances. Gon coughed as I threw myself at him. _''Ohmygod…No… No… Baby… Gon…''_ I sobbed and nuzzled my brother's chest.

''G-gin?A-are you alright? W-what's wrong?'' I gripped him tighter towards me. _Oh my god…No…No…_

''What the-? What the hell is wrong with you now, woman?!''

I turned sharply to him. ''You! You…'' He frowned, confused.

' _You… get away from my boy! What are you planning!'_ was what I wanted to say but didn't. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, erasing the disturbing images popping into my head.

''Gin?'' Gon called and I felt his hand caressing my forehead. ''What's wrong, Gin?'' he asked softly.

Killua snorted. ''You're spoiling her again.'' He said and he sounded a little jealous to me.

''Oh Gon… I just thought of something…something completely horrible!''

''What is it? Tell me, Gin. It's okay. Don't worry.''

''Come on! We'll never get there if you continue with this drama, geez!''

I sobered up, still pushing the paranoia out of my mind. ''Where are we going?'' I straightened up, wrapping my arm around Gon's and gave the silver-haired boy a look of disdain. Killua just rolled his eyes and sighed.

''Weren't you listening?''

Gon turned to me. ''Heavens arena, sis. We're going to train and make money in the Heaven's arena.'' My grip on his slackened a little. I smiled, albeit shakily and followed him.

 _Look at the bright side! At least I have a beautiful dress!_

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _Not feeling very well whilst writing this chapter. Hope you think it's alright ! LOL! Hope you'll enjoy reading the story as much as I love writing it. OMG! I got into 100 + reviews! I'm so happy! So so so happy! Thanks so much guys! I love how supportive you all are! It means a lot to me, really. If there's any mistakes, so sorry! HXH isn't mine! Only my baby Gin. God... I love Hisoka so much. He's so hot and so baaaad! (I just gotta tell you all)._

 _Yours Truly,_

 _Abby D._


	26. Chapter 24 - Inlove with the wrong world

**Chapter 24 – In Love with the wrong world**

 _''_ _No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone. No more crawling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden…. No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love with the wrong world.'' ~ Florence and the machine_

* * *

''Here…'' Killua handed me a piece of paper that was my train ticket. Smiling, I thanked the good boy. He nodded and turned to my brother and handed him his. ''The airship's about to depart. Let's go!'' he said and strode away. I followed the two boys, gown and all the while ignoring people's disbelieving and gaping looks.

I inwardly smirk. _Ha! Be awed, you plain commoners! HAHAHAHA!_

I admit, however, that it can slightly difficult to run and walk around in a ball gown. Killua has been scowling so much ever since we left the house. Why? Well…

'' _Killua! Gon! Help me! I can't get in!''_ I cried as I tried to push myself in through the narrow door of the bus.

'' _Troublesome! I knew it. I knew it will give us problems soon! Urgh! Here!_ '' So, while Killua pulled me in by the arm, Gon pushed me from behind.

Of course, some people talked and stared but nah… I don't really care.

The blue gown the Zoldycks gave me as an apology for torturing the heck out of me was very beautiful that I almost have forgiven them already. After all, holding grudges is ever so unhealthy!

The colour of it was the same as the sky when it is summer, the dress was an off-shoulder and layered with blue glittering lace. It made me miss my long black hair and I realised now that I deeply regret cutting my long beautiful strands during my small depressed session from the Hunters exam. _Damn it!_

But at least I had my head-dress. It complemented the dress well, I think. Very nicely.

''Here.'' I blinked when Killua threw a deep blue skater dress, a pair of knee-high black socks and a white cardigan. I was going to smile at their cuteness when I realised what Killua was having me to do. I sighed.

''We're going to an arena, Gin. Not a ball. You're putting yourself in danger wearing that.'' He motioned with his head.

 _He's right_ , I thought. I really can't fight like this. I played with the smooth cloth of the short casual dress. Its colour was a shade deeper than the one I was wearing but the fact that it was blue brought a small smile on my face. I swallowed the lump that I didn't notice in my throat. I chuckled.

 _Wow…_ I thought and blinked multiple times to stop my burning eyes. _I'm really crying over a dress?_ A part of me cannot believe it but then again… _I'm a girl approaching her teens._

 _Oh man…it's gonna be hellish._ I covered my face and groaned.

''its okay, sis. You can wear the dress until we reached the arena! Right, Killua?'' said Gon, looking at his friend on his left.

The other boy sighed and crossed his arms. ''Mah…Whatever. So long as she gets out that gown.'' He looked down from the window. ''The heck are those guys thinking… giving her something so useless.'' He muttered angrily to himself.

I chuckled softly at his pouting. ''Thanks for the dress, Killua. I love it!'' I grinned then checked the blue dress up and down. I laid it against me with a smile to see its length. It should reach down just above knees. ''Oh… it's pretty!''

I took a deep breath. ''One day… I'll be strong enough that I can wear a gown like this whenever and wherever I want.'' I bit my lip then because I didn't realise I said it aloud. I can feel the two boys staring. Gon laughed a little. I frowned. ''What?!''

He grinned, eyes closing and tilting his head to the side, he said; ''you're so cute, Gin.''

My face heated. _G-Gon… he…said… I'm cute!_

''Hmph… I wonder when that will be.'' The other cut in, his tone light and teasing.

I recovered quickly and turned my nose up. ''Soon!'' I said and he just snorted before turning away to watch the view outside.

 _I wonder when that will be,_ I thought and remembered Netero's offer. Slowly, I discreetly watched my brother as he watched the view with bright brown eyes. Killua and Gon. Best friends. _They will go stronger as they go. I can get stronger with them too, can't I?_

* * *

The Heavens arena was one of a hell of a _tall_ building. According to Killua, it was the world's most popular battle site. It was located in the eastern part of the Republic of Padokea.

The Heavens arena was a very tall building – the fourth tallest in the world, again according to Killua. Once we've arrived, he had pointed it to us from afar and it stood tall, white and proud amidst the other buildings of the city. The building reached high up in the sky and tapered up into a point. According to the small leaflet I snatched from the airship's shelf, the building stood 3,250 feet tall and has 251 floors. It was the temple for warriors all around the world.

I gulped and stared up the white-stone building, my nerves and fear level rising up in every breath I took. Before me, Killua and Gon were busy chatting happily with each other, something about money plus training and Killua being left here to fight by his own father when he was six.

Thousands of martial artists compete inside daily in order to advance up to the higher floors. The aim was to fight and defeat the opponent using any means but weapons are forbidden to use on the first 199 floors and as you advance up, you are given increasing amount of prize money. _This was bad_ , I thought. My greatest strengths were my knives and my speed. I knew for a fact that I wasn't a fighter. I… I was a kill or run 1type of person.

 _Money can't buy my life, stupids!_

 _Uh. Actually, it can! All you need is a stronger man, woman or kid to kill you with their bare hands._

I shook my head to stop myself from creating a conversation with own self again.

''Oy. Girl! Move up!'' A tall, tanned and ragged man shouted at me. He wore ripped jeans and a sleeveless dirty white shirt. I flinched and turned away to go closer to my group.

I froze when I felt the man leaned in and touched my dress. He thumbed the cloth, estimating and deducing its worth. I pulled but then he pulled back roughly. I watched as his grin widened.

''Expensive thing you got here little miss. You lost?'' he drawled, the brown tobacco between his yellowed teeth moved up and down as he spoke. His eyes were very dark and the blue glittering gown brought a spark of greed and hatred in them. The boys behind me tensed and stepped closer to my left and right. ''Eh? You bunch of kids?''

I sighed and turned to the boys. ''Come on.'' I whispered then gasped when the man suddenly grabbed my dress so hard that I was jerked forwards too. ''Let go!'' I shouted, looking around. Some of the men near us looked up but didn't move an inch. They watched, waiting of what's going to happen next.

 _What…_

''Bet a piece is worth thousands of Jennies. You brat.'' His grip tightened and I heard the cloth snap.

''Tch.'' Suddenly, Killua materialised beside the man's head and with a quick hand-chop to the neck, he fell. Still no one moved. Kicking the unconscious man out of the way casually, Killua then turned to me with a scowl. Upon seeing my face, he seemed to soften. He shook his head. ''Told you it will only bring trouble.''

I blinked. ''You didn't tell me that.'' I said and crossed my arms. An arm wrapped itself around me. Gon held my arm and massaged the cold exposed skin. He smiled.

''Come on, Gin.'' He said softly. I turned away and let them guide me through, feeling like an invalid.

''…It's the dress, I tell you.'' I turned and looked up (slightly) to the silver-haired boy on my left.

''What?''

''The dress' making you weak.'' I frowned at him, puzzled. Killua just sighed and shoved me forwards by the shoulder. I tripped, not expecting it. I fixed my head-dress on.

''What… What the hell is that for?!'' I turned, glowering at his rudeness whilst Gon safely moved aside, scratching his head.

''Get the hell out of that dress! And that freak of a hat!'' Killua appeared behind me and held my shoulders tight. Then, he forced me to walk forwards. I tripped again and again but he was there to push me up and shove me more.

''What the hell? Get off!'' His grip tightened as I struggled and undoubtedly leaving marks. Sighing, I eventually let him drive me forwards as I curiously scanned our new surroundings.

There were numerous televisions showing live fights of people. I turned my gaze away towards the people around us. They parted before me, looking annoyed and I smiled at them apologetically. ''Sorry… Excuse me… Sorry!...''

Killua stopped in front of a door with a female figure sign on it – the female toilets. He let go and I immediately massaged my reddened arms. Gon was smiling behind Killua. I pouted.

''Well? Go! You want me to help you with dressing too, princess?'' he mocked. I opened my mouth to retort something witty when I realised something.

''Actually, I need _my_ _Gon_ to do it.'' I said, tilting my chin up. Killua frowned, lips curling as if disgusted. I rolled my eyes at him saucily and turned to my brother sweetly.

''Gon…I can't really remove the gown by myself…'' I pouted, fluttering my eyes. ''You see… Kalluto-chan tied it behind _reaaallly_ tight… And I need _you_ to get me out of them.''

I watched with a fixed innocent look on my face as my brother's mouth parted and nodded slowly in understanding. ''I see.'' He brightened up. ''Come on then, Gin! Let's get you out of that dress! See you Killua.'' Gon didn't see Killua's flabbergasted expression –blue eyes wide and jaws unhinged in sheer disbelief.

My beloved twin reached out to hold my hand. I pulled his arm closer and held his arm with my free hand. The plastic bag containing my new clothes hanging around my elbow.

Before the door closed, I glanced over my shoulder to Killua with an evil smirk on my face and a wink. _Ha! Take that! He's mine!_

* * *

We went inside a cubicle before any present woman could react.

''Thanks Gon.'' I sighed when the corset untightened. I was going to remove the thing when I stiffened, remembering something _very_ important. Turning over my shoulder, I met my brother's identical brown eyes. Under the dim lights, they looked almost the dark brown. He blinked, instantly picking up my growing apprehension.

''What?'' he asked in his usual soft tone.

I bit my lip, frowning. ''Killua forgot to buy a bra.'' I told him. My brother looked down at the plastic bag then to my chest. He nodded.

''I'll go buy then. Will you be okay here alone?'' he asked, frowning. ''I could tie it back and we could buy one together.''

I bit my lip, thinking. ''We could but… it's really hard to walk around with this. Might take us too long too, you know… temptation.'' I grinned. ''Might get distracted and buy more than I need.''

My brother smiled sheepishly. He scratched his cheek, nodding slowly. ''You're right. What colour do you want?''

''Oooh! I nearly forgot!'' I laid my arms on his shoulders and played with his hair. ''Pink! Get a cute one, okay? With laces! Get one with matching panties too, okay?'' I scowled. ''Killua forgot those!''

Gon chuckled. ''Right then. I'll be back in less than 15 if we're lucky.'' He said. ''Since we've got a pass, we don't need to line up again!''

My face fell. ''Sorry, Gon…''

He leaned in and bumped our foreheads together. ''it's okay.'' He smiled and I smiled back. ''be back in bit!'' He said and opened the toilet's door. Some girls gasped but he was gone before they can throw things at him.

 _''WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!''_ I giggled inside my cubicle, hearing Killua's yell. _''No way! NO WAAAAAYYYY, GON!_ '' Their voices soon faded.

''Oh…how I wish to see his face!'' I covered my mouth to muffle my cackling. I sighed and sat on the closed toilet. I sighed and stretched my shoulders, feeling more like myself than I did a while ago. _How weird is that?_ Killua seemed right, the dress was somewhat depressing.

''Hm… '' I tilted my head to the side. ''I wonder if Gon remembers my bra size?'' I asked myself.

* * *

The girl's toilet became quiet after the two boys left. Soon after, I was the only one left in the room. I sat idly on the toilet seat, waiting for the two and my mind running and fleeing from Netero again and again.

In the end, I stood up and left the cubicle to pace around, holding my corset close to my chest. I sighed and stared at myself from the mirrors. Pasting a smile on my face, I reached out behind to tie the laces a little to keep the corset from falling off.

Since no one was in the room, I started humming and dancing, imagining myself somewhere else. The dress hugged my body really nicely and provided me curves that wasn't really there. I grinned and continued swaying the layered blue dress.

 _''_ _I love to dance, dilly-dilly, I love to sing. When I am queen, dilly-dilly, you'll be my king. Who told me so, dilly-dilly, who told me so? I told myself, dilly-dilly I told me so…''_

 _Did it really make me weak?_ I wondered while humming. I smiled sadly. _Maybe…_

Then, I remembered Netero congratulating me for being the only girl to have passed the Hunter exam and what he said about how most girls would like to stay at home, playing with their dolls and looking pretty. I had told him then that I love doing those things. It was partly true except for the dolls part. I hate them. They really freak me out.

I placed my hands and held on to the cold white sink. Standing in front of the mirror was a girl who looked much different than the one that left Whale Island. For some reason, my eyes weren't as bright as before and the bags under my eyes were even more prominent.

Compared to Gon and Killua, I look like hell. I tilted my head to the side and figured that it might be because of the lights and the fact that my eyes weren't really as bright as Gon's even though we were supposed to be identical. _Weird. I'm pretty sure I eat more and the same foods as Gon's._ I smiled, willing my eyes to brighten up a little bit then arranged my feathered head-dress.

I took in a deep breath and grimaced at smelling the strong scent of putrid urine, old faeces, different hints of perfumes and cleaning substances. '' _Urgh!''_ I pinched my nose.

I turned to my right just as I heard the first door of the toilets open. My expectant face fell, realising it wasn't Gon or Killua since the incoming person didn't yell. With a disappointed sigh, I waited for the girl to come through the second door whilst I checked my lips. They were slightly chapped. I smoothed the rough lines. _I really need to go and buy a chapstick._

The hairs on my arms stood up in alarm and I instantly stiffened upon catching red hair and a dark shirt with a fuchsia-coloured heart and diamond printed on it. I took a step back and instantly fixed my face and pasted a mostly surprised and suspicious expression while keeping the fear away at a minimum.

I frowned at him. ''What are you doing here?'' I asked, though I already know why. _This pervert stalker!_

He giggled and leaned his back on the wall. His golden eyes opened and slowly scanned my attire up and down. His smile seemed to widen. ' _'Going somewhere nice? Gin-chan?''_

 _Hopefully not my funeral._

I shrugged, taking a deep courageous breath only to violently cover my nose when I caught a lungful of repulsive smells that normal people can only smell little. _Damn sensitive smell!_

I groaned as I heard him chuckle in amusement. ' _'A coincidence. You are in the heavens arena, dear. The perfect place for fighters. Of course, I'll be here.''_ He slyly told me.

The door opened and I felt myself relax a little upon hearing some girl laughters. The second door opened and a girl froze at the door, looking at me and then the strange man by the door. She blinked, glancing over her shoulder to her two other friends as if for support. They shared a nod. The girl in the middle opened her mouth to probably tell Hisoka to please get out the women's toilets when Hisoka let out a wave of ill intent. I watched as the girls' eyes widened like saucers and how they froze up like they've been stretch up like spaghettis.

Stuttering something incoherent, they left in a dash. Hisoka's sharp look disappeared then he smiled at me sweetly.

For some reason, I remembered this short story about a couple who owned a large python. They owned the python for a while but then, one day, the snake stopped eating even his favoured meals. All it does was lie around all day on their bed and stretch. So they brought him to a veterinarian. And you know what the veterinarian said?

He advised the couple to get rid of the python immediately because the reason it hasn't been eating was because it has been preparing itself to eat the couple and the fact that it stretches on their bed was because it was measuring their height and if it can eat them. _Creepy and very, very disturbing right? That's why we can't trust snakes, people!_

Now… the way Hisoka was looking at me reminded me exactly of that story. _Oh my god… does he want to play examiner again?!_ I freaked out inside my head. _I'm not ready!_

He laughed, covering his face. I narrowed my eyes at him. I was trapped and he and I know it. Hisoka leaned beside the door not because he happened just to do that but because he was effectively intimidating me by trapping my only means of escape.

 _Not that I could escape in this dress._

 _''Fine. That was a lie, Gin-dear.''_ I scowled, heart beat starting to race. Having my corset untightened by Gon was both a blessing and a curse. First, because I can breathe easier but second, I never felt so…vulnerable.

''What's a lie?'' I managed to ask, still pasted at the other side of the room by the sinks.

He smiled, trying to look unthreatening. He let out a small chuckle. _''I followed you here.''_ I felt every ounce of muscle in my body freeze up whilst many alarms rang loud in my ears. _How…_ My eyes widened in realisation, _Hunters website?_

''Yes. Yes.'' He said nonchalantly, waving a hand. I moved my gaze from his high-heeled shoes to his made-up face. Then, I looked down again at his shoes, slightly interested.

''Nice boots.'' I commented.

His smile widened and he pushed one leg forwards, tilting his shoes left and right. ''You think?''

I nodded, crossing my arms. I looked down and pulled the dress up my chest. I took a breath in despite the smell.

 _''Nice dress, Gin-chan._ '' He nodded at the dress.

I tilted my chin up. ''Thanks.''

''A gift?''

''Yes.''

 _''Hm_ …''

Without removing his gaze from me, he tilted his head and leaned it against the wall. He crossed his arms too and I noticed, much to my growing apprehension that he was holding on to his other arm a bit tightly. I knew this meant bad. Because Hisoka only gets masochistic when he's hungry for a fight. Under the dim-lights, he seemed paler than usual, almost pale as milk.

''You look paler, Hisoka.'' I told him because I needed to have him distracted. If I kept quiet and let him have his own way, then he wins… and I might just die.

''Hm?'' He looked down on his corded arms.

''And your outfit looks absolutely queer. I don't get it. Magic?'

He chuckled again. _''Just a little. Though I don't look that different, do I?''_ He raised an eyebrow. I raised an eyebrow, scanning his outfit – the same one from my visions. _''But you, Gin-dear. You look different in that dress and…''_ he pointed at his red-head.

I bristled. ''It's a multi-coloured tribal feathered head-dress from the Dentora region and its super cool!'' I huffed and crossed my arms. ''Thought you'd like it! Hmph. What do you want, Hisoka?''

''You thought I'd like it?'' he drawled.

I rolled my eyes. ''Your creative and visual. Thought you'd understand but no… At least pretend you do!''

The Magician snorted and then covered his mouth as he broke out in laughter. ''What?!'' I couldn't help but yell in annoyance. I admit that I felt disappointed.

My breath hitched when I felt the change in his aura. I half-screamed when he suddenly appeared in front of me, towering. _''Oh, Gin-chan…You have no idea, do you?'_ ' He asked, tilting his head to the side and looking absolutely the mad-bad Hisoka I know.

''No. And I think I don't want to know. Knowing you, it's probably nothing good.'' I grumbled the last part, thinking of my poor brother and he chuckled. I tensed as I felt his hand hover and play with a feather on my head-dress.

I leaned backwards to add more space between us and praying that Gon will come back soon. Actually, no. I don't want him to see Hisoka just yet. If he does now, he'll get even more worked up with punching him on the face.

 _''Are you going to fight like this?''_ He asked, peering down. I gulped and hugged the dress closer to me. The snake was too close that I could feel his breath on my exposed shoulder. _Damn it. Need to get away quickly._

I sighed and casually stepped away from him, gliding towards the other side of the room. ''I'm thinking of taking a break.'' I told him with a frown. _I did? Since when?_

 _Since now, apparently._

 _''Oh_?''

I stopped, still keeping him at my peripheral vision. ''I... I don't want to fight anymore…'' I whispered, more to myself.

I wished I didn't though.

I gasped and my vision blurred and darkened. The hit was too quick and it was my fault for lowering my guard, even for a moment. Because in that moment of weakness, Hisoka materialised in front of me and the next thing I know, my feet were off the ground and I am quite certain I just had a concussion. I moaned in pain as the back of my head burned and tingled in pain.

''H-hisoka…'' I weakly cried while blindly clawing at his arm. I choked when his hold around my neck tightened.

I cried out when he moved me so easily down so my feet touched ground but he didn't untighten his grip. The movement brought a stabbing pain inside my head. I cried, silently calling for help. _Gon…Gon...Killua!_

'' _What. Did. You. Just. Say. Gin-dear?''_ He whispered threateningly in my ear. I coughed and tried to pull his hand from my neck.

''Hi-hi…Let..go…you…''

 _''_ _You don't want to fight anymore?''_ He asked, his warm breath hot on my cheek. '' _But you haven't even started?''_ His voice twisted as if in pain. My grip slackened from his arms, hardly breathing anymore. '' _This is not good.''_ I saw him shook his head from my blurred vision. Vaguely, I felt two warm teardrops escaping my eyes. I looked up at the dim-light, mouth trying to catch some air. _''No…no…no…This isn't good!''_ he murmured, speaking to himself.

 _Mad…He's gone mad…_

He manipulated my neck and caught my eyes – a sharp yellow. He frowned, looking worried. '' _You're losing it, Gin-dear.''_ He shook his head slowly. _''Why? What's wrong?''_ he whispered.

I tried to answer despite my whirling vision and the weakness in my limbs. '' _hmm?''_ He pinned me more against the wall, trapping and towering over me. '' _Why?!''_ I cried out in pain when he shook me by the neck. My vision darkened and my heart thudded loudly in my ears.

Then, he let go and I fell weakly on the floor, my glittering dress spread out like a deflated balloon. I coughed and held my painful neck, trying to get some air. _I don't want to fight. I don't want to die. I want to go home. I want to be safe again. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared…_

Hisoka crouched before me, pushing the dress to get closer. I felt his hand on my chin, pulling it up closer to his. _''What's wrong, Gin-dear? Your eyes look different.''_ He whispered whilst he searched. His lips curled up and his slit eyes narrowed. '' _Who took it?_ _Who took it from you? Where is it?''_ he growled out.

I continued staring at him, wondering what the fuck he was talking about and scared that he will kill me soon. I crossed my arms to hug myself, wishing to disappear.

 _''_ _Ah…_ ''

Hisoka's pale hands appeared on my waistline. He pulled. I gasped as the blue dress easily ripped. I jerked away but then the wall trapped anymore movement. I swatted his hands away. ''H-hisoka! No!'' I gasped out, my numbed mind coming up with horrible scenarios. _No…No…No…_

''No! Get away! You bastard!'' I screamed through my abused neck. But he continued to tear the dress away. Soon, my petticoat was thrown carelessly beside us and pieces of blue glittering clothes laid behind him in tatters.

Clad only in my corset and underpants, I forced my mouth closed to stop my cry. I held my arms close to my chest and met his eyes. He wasn't smiling anymore. I tensed up when he looked down to my chest. ''Get away…'' I gasped when the lace around my shoulders ripped. He threw them over his shoulder.

Then, he placed his hand over his eyes and groaned as if in pain. _''don't look at me like that, Gin._ '' He growled. _''Damn it.''_ He murmured.

The next thing I know, I was on the floor and he was right above. My eyes widened and I tried moving away.

'' _Damn it, Gin.''_ I froze, feeling his hand on my exposed arm and my corseted waist, caressing up and down. _''You're tempting me…Don't look like that…''_ he met my eyes, looking deep into them. I gasped when his eyes widened in anger and he let out a wave of malice. _''I said. Don't look like that!''_ He snarled.

My feathered head-dress was pulled away and his hand gripped my hair and shook it violently. I groaned, gritting my teeth, seeing stars.

'' _You can't lose it, Gin! Come on, look at me like you used to! Hate me! Quick!_ ''

I saw his right arm tense. I gasped, barely registering the pain but it was there when it knocked my stomach, possibly breaking a few ribs in the process. I took it as silently as I could. A hard hand hit my scarred shoulder. I took this one quietly too, only coughing up saliva and blood in the process. Then, he laid another weak punch on my arm.

I say weak because it didn't shatter my bones. Hisoka. He can shatter every bone in my body in one punch. He was holding back…

Even in the haze of pain, I eventually realised what he was doing. He wanted me back. He wanted me to fight back. He wanted me not to _lose_ it. I thought about it for a minute. _Lose it…_ My potential, I realised, remembering Hisoka from the Trick tower. I was wrong. I slipped. I let my façade slip. For some reason, I accidentally opened up to him.

A kick on my legs brought me down on the floor. _I shouldn't have said that._ I was shoved on the floor and heard something rip and the air met my bare chest. I swallowed a lump inside my throat and fought my instinctive urge to cover myself.

 _No… I won't let myself look even weaker. What are breasts anyway? They're just another part of me. Just two soft, protruding organs on the upper part of a female body which secretes milk after child-birth. Mammary glands. Only sexualised by society. I care little about them._

His face hovered above me. He tilted his head to the side. As if satisfied, his lips curled up. The contemptuous frown from on his face faded.

 _''_ _There…My Gin-chan. There it is… Not quite there but it should come back soon._ '' He sighed in relief, his fingers finding my neck.

'' _I miss your hair.''_ He whispered, his voice sounding hollow in the empty room. _''Why did you cut it? The long hair made you look fragile, you know. And you know me, I like fragile things. Fragile and brittle things…''_ Hisoka's amber eyes sparkled like gold. I stared up ahead behind him at the white ceiling. He leaned down and breathed against my neck. He sighed, a little shakily.

A part of me was screaming to move and push him away. But then, the more realistic part of me told me there was nothing I could do. Breathing was hard with the poor state of my ribs and my beaten body. Besides, Hisoka was heavy. Pushing him would be like pushing a boulder off you.

Or pushing a python when it already had you coiled around it. No matter how you push the head away, or a part of it away, another part will adjust and tighten.

So, the best choice was to just let it do what it wanted.

All of a sudden, he sighed. _''This is no fun, Gin-chan.''_ He said against my collarbone. He propped himself by his elbows and held his cheek as he gazed down. I felt his sharp long nail against my temple. _''I like you better fighting.''_ He said lowly. _''I left your face unscarred. Did you notice? I like it like this. Pretty…_ '' he swiftly ran a finger round my jaw line.

He sighed again, disappointed. _''I'm sorry, Gin-dear. You tempted me. You don't know how much I want to do much more. But mah…You'll be fine!''_ He shifted and laid casually on his side on my right. A hand moved to hold his head up from the floor while he traced a finger lightly across my sternum.

' _'_ _Where'd you get the cuts and bruises on your back, dear? Got into a fight with the Zoldycks?_ '' he smilingly asked. I remembered that I haven't taken the tablets for my muscle repair. I forgot to ask Killua about it.

I breathed in shakily and gasped when my ribs hurt.

''Did…you break my ribs?''

His smile widened and he sat up to examine it. ' _'Hm_ …'' his amber eyes fleeting back to mine, shining. _''Just bruised._ '' He said, touching the sore spot lightly. I flinched.

''Are you done?''

 _''_ _Are you back?''_ he shot back.

I forced myself up, taking deep breaths. _Tell them to take deep breaths to prevent mucus going into their lungs and avoid chest infections_ , I heard Shimura-sensei's calm voice in my head.

''Thanks.''

He giggled. '' _My pleasure.''_ He drawled and sat, bringing a knee up and using it to support his arm. His hand flicked and a card appeared between his long, nimble fingers. With another flick, it disappeared. He did this, repeatedly. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

The back of my head was warm and the smell of my blood permeated the air. I let my mouth curl up into a dry smile. ''Looks like everyone loves hurting me.'' I spoke, voice cracking due to my injured larynx.

He chuckled. '' _You are easy to hurt. That's why. And I think... your most beautiful when hurt.''_ I felt him leaned in and touched his cool forehead against my temple. There was a soft sound of card disappearing.

''Or maybe you just think weird.'' I croaked out.

He giggled and fingered the small hollow of my neck, the suprasternal notch.

 _''_ _Your eyes darkens like they do right now. Your face freezes up but then your eyes tell me everything. Gin-dear…You're not as good at hiding your emotions as you think you are…''_ He chuckled.

'' _Get stronger.''_ He whispered, coercing. '' _Grow up and get strong, Gin. Then… only then… Will I take you.''_ I felt him pause and gathered a fistful of my hair. Then, he sighed and smoothed my hair down. His hands came out red.

''Gon and Killua will come back soon.'' I felt him smile.

 _''I think I'd want to greet them, don't you think?''_

''…You'll get to greet them soon enough.'' _When they start fighting in the arena and steadily climbing up the floors._

He hummed as if thinking about it. '' _You're right. After all, I got to do what I wanted.''_ He said. Then, when I didn't reply, he stood up and stretched. '' _Right._ _I'll go now. I'll see you on the 200_ _th f_ _loor, Gin-dear.''_

He paused for a moment to look me over his shoulder. _''Blue looks good on you, Gin-dear. But red will definitely suit you better.''_ I heard him smirk before he pulled the door and went out.

I crawled under the sink, hugging myself and waited for my brother.

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _I just realised how many of you ship HisokaXGin and KilluaXGin. Well, in this chapter, coincidentally, we see Gin's interactions with the two. What do you think of their relationship?_

 _I feel better now. I don't know what was up with me yesterday. Probably just hormones. LOL. I feel very sad in this chapter. But it just happened. It shocked me a little while writing it too. It feels a little weird. I am the writer but the things that happen, they just flow and even I can't stop it._

 _Furthermore, I want to say thank you again from all your support and kindness. You don't know how happy I am. And is it weird that I consider all of you my friends?! Even though I don't even know your names?! Anyways. Thanks so much for giving me something I love doing._

 _I have an extra written right after this. It just didn't fit with the ending of this last chapter. I'm thinking of posting it as another chapter...Hm.._

 _HXH isn't mine._

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	27. Extra Chapter - Sunshines and Daisies

**Extra Chapter – Killua enters Sunshines and daisies**

 _''No… No… No…''_ The silver-haired boy kept his head down as he followed his friend through the women's shop. Out of all things that Gon picked to enter it was a shop full of girls and…girl's clothing! Not even clothing! But underclothing! He groaned silently as he heard some girls whispering and felt their eyes on him.

''Hm… pink…Hm…'' His friend calmly thought, finger tapping his chin.

''Just pick one!'' He peeked up slightly and pointed at the nearest thing he saw. ''That one! Get that one and then go buy it yourself at the counter! Quickly!'' he whispered.

Gon just blinked and picked the lacy thing up. It was red. ''Gin said pink, Killua. She doesn't like this kind too. Too boring.''

The other boy gasped. ''W-what…what? Boring?'' he stared at his friend. ''Its _lace_ , Gon. It can't be boring!'' He bit his lip and looked down on his shoes again, seeing a group of girls coming closer.

''Hm…it's plain. Gin would like something…hm...'' Killua frowned, his eye twitching and his feet itching to leave the shop.

''Welcome to _Sunshines and Daisies!''_ Killua hid behind his friend. ''Can I help you?''

''No… We're fine.'' He said. But his answer was muffled by his friend's loud yes. Killua covered his eyes and silently cried.

''Yes, please! I'm looking for a 32B size bra, pink with laces and some cute designs on it. Hm…Maybe some bunnies? What do you think, Killua? Killua?'' Gon turned around only to find the spot behind him devoid of his silver-haired friend.

He blinked, shrugged and turned back again to the blushing lady before him. He smiled. ''Can I have them with matching panties too?''

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _This actually happened! Hahaha I was going to write it with the last chapter but that one focused on Gin's POV only so...I didn't want to confuse everyone. What do you think?_

 _xoxo_

 _Abby D._


	28. Chapter 25 - Forgive me, brother

**Chapter 25 – Forgive me, Gon**

 _''Sometimes, you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain because life's greatest lessons are learned through pain.'' ~Masashi Kishimoto_

* * *

 _''Oh My GOD! Miss? Are you okay? Hey…Hey…Call for help!''_

There was a girl before me, holding onto my arm so gently. I felt her finger on my chin and without a word, I slapped it away. Soon after, there were more people entering the toilets. They huddled together and murmured to each other whilst they observed me.

 _''Oh my god… what's happened to her?''_

 _''You think she's been rape?''_

 _''No… her pants are still…_

 _''Shush!''_

''What's going on here?'' A man's voice said.

''I found her under the sink and there's blood all over, sir. And she's not wearing a shirt…'' the girl whispered. I felt a towel drape over me. It smelt of a girl's vanilla perfume.

''Hey…It's alright. You're fine…'' another girl cooed.

The man didn't speak for a few moments. ''Will you girls kindly leave and try not to attract attention outside?'' He requested calmly.

''Uh…Okay.'' They all left except for two girls.

A pair of shining leather shoes appeared at my peripheral. He crouched. ''Hello!'' he greeted gently. I blinked. _What's Gon taking so long?_

''I'm Wing. I'm a teacher. Can you tell me your name, young lady?''

 _Wing…_ I blinked and looked up. A handsome spectacled young man smiled at me, tilting his head to the side. He offered his left hand and waited patiently.

''…Gin.'' I murmured and slowly lifted my hand to shake his. His grip was warm and gentle.

''Hm… Do you have anyone here with you, Gin- _chan_?'' I flinched then shook my head. Then, remembering Gon, I nodded again.

''I see… What do they look like? I can find them for you.''

''…Gon _._ ''

''Does he know that you're here?''

I nodded, slowly and closed my heavy eyes.

''Gin- _chan_ …'' My body jerked on its own. ''Gin…'' he repeated. ''Don't sleep yet. I think you have a concussion.''

''Go…away…'' I whispered.

''…Okay then, Gin. I'll leave but these girls…'' he glanced over his shoulder to the girls.

''Olivia,''

''Martha.''

''Olivia and Martha will stay here with—'' I reached out and clutch at his white shirt, albeit weakly.

''Go away…Stay …'' I blinked multiple times to ease the sting in my eyes.

''Alright then. I'll stay.'' I felt his hand and he hesitated before he held it. The doors opened and closed. He didn't speak for a long time. Just silently holding my hand. I was grateful. I didn't want him to say anything. ''Don't sleep, Gin.'' He reminded.

I nodded, already aware that one shouldn't sleep with a concussion. _Shimura-sensei told me so._

I let out a shuddering breath when I heard my brother's voice. ''…Gin!'' he called excitedly. I jerked, looking up to the door, weakly trying to crawl towards the door. It opened.

I watched as his face fell dramatically. His bright eyes widening upon seeing blood stains and my tattered clothes on the floor. His eyes then shifted to me straight away. The paper bag in his hand fell. ''Gin!''

I pushed at the older man and he gladly stood and stepped back. Gon held my outstretched arms. ''Gon…'' My voice was small and I cannot explain the relief at seeing him. _My Gon…My brother…My lifeline in this world of chaos. He'll protect me. He'll never leave me…Only Gon will…_ ''Gon…h-help me, Gon…''

''Gin!'' his voice broke. ''What happened, huh? What happened?'' His hand wiped at my tears gently. ''I left you for…Who did this?'' His eyes shifted down to my neck. His hand trembled as he held it. ''Gin…What… I'm sorry…Who…'' I rested my heavy head on his shoulder.

''Mister.'' I heard him.

''—Gon! What's ha—What happened!'' Killua shouted. ''Gin!'' He stood then crouched beside my brother. I felt him touch my cheek. ''You!'' he yelled suddenly. A rush of air told me he stood up.

''Killua. I don't think it's him.'' Gon said calmly.

''He's right.'' Said Wing. ''Some girls found her like this and called for help. I happened to be near and entered upon hearing the commotion.''

''Gin.'' I heard Killua. ''Is he telling the truth? Tell me. It's okay. I can take him.'' He growled. My lips curled despite myself.

''…Arrogant.'' I teased before a violent cough sent a wave of pain inside my chest and back which then climbed up to my head. I moaned, snuggling closer to my brother.

''Gin. Who is it?!'' Killua nearly screeched. I tightened my lips.

''I think what we need to do is give her medical attention, boys.'' Wing calmly interjected.

''…Gin. Come on.'' I felt his hand on my bare shoulder. His breath hitched as if stopping himself from crying.

 _''Damn it…''_ I heard Killua whisper angrily.

''Should I call…''

''—No. I'll do it.''

Wing left and Gon lifted me up so easily and entered the cubicle where my things were. He sat me down on the toilet and closed the door. Crouching on the floor, he caught my eyes. ''Gin…'' he whispered. ''I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have left you. I should've gone back earlier. Gin…'' He broke out, tears flowing that he made me cry as well. ''You're full of bruises everywhere, Gin…Who did this? Tell me, please? Tell me! Please?'' I tightened my lips and shook my head. His shoulders slumped and he sighed.

''Killua. Slide the paper bag in.''

The bag slid inside and Gon pulled out a light pink pair of underwear with laces and white bunnies on them. My lips twitched up and I reached out and thumbed the soft cloth.

''Like it?''

I nodded. ''Hm.'' Gon helped me remove them from the hangers.

Gon turned around when I removed the towel off and I ignored how my blue and violet bruises stood out on my pale skin and the dimmed lights. After the bra, I struggled to push off the white trousers off and pulled in the new knickers. I threw the old one in the bin.

Gon bent at his waist and pulled the blue skater dress, the cardigan and the knee-high socks and handed them all to me one by one.

All done, I let my brother take me into his arms and we left the room together with Killua carrying all my stuff in tow.

Wing was there, along with a small brown-eyed boy wearing a black turtle neck shirt under a white karate gear and a red belt. He straightened upon seeing us. Wing took a step forwards and motioned at his student. ''This is Zushi, my student.''

''O-su!'' the boy greeted, eyes serious and bright with silent determination that only innocent happy kids can wear.

I blinked and then stared off to space. Gon and Killua bowed a little. ''O-su.'' They replied evenly.

'' Where are you guys staying in?'' The teacher asked.

I felt Gon shake his head.

''I see. I live in an inn near here. Only 5 minutes away. They should have a free room. If not, then you may rest in our accommodation until you find one yourselves. Your sister needs a doctor soon. I already called one. I hope you don't mind.''

''No. Thank you…''

''Ah… It's Wing.'' He said kindly.

''Thank you, Wing-san.''

* * *

''Bruises, cuts and lots of muscle tears. Luckily, you have no internal bleeding or broken bones.'' The doctor, a greying man spoke. He wore a brown tweed suit, glasses and armed with an old bag containing his supplies. Despite his greying hair, however, he looked young. He was probably at his late 40s whilst Shimura-sensei was in his 70s. He is 77 years old, to be exact.

From the corner of my eyes, I sensed Killua stiffened at the mention of muscle tears.

''Keep cooling the bruises on your ribs and take these painkillers for the pain, Gin-chan. Take two at each time every 4 hours. As for the mild concussion, keep icing your head, yes? You need a lot of rest but still move around time to time. Breathe normally to avoid mucus or remove any mucus in your lungs. If you need to cough, hold a pillow against your chest. Breathing exercises will be good, Gin-chan. You need to do them even though they might hurt. 10 slow deep breaths every hour. Now, for your muscle tears… I have these tablets. Take them after each meal. Try not to over-strain your muscles, child. '' the doctor told me.

He turned over his shoulder and started packing up. ''If she experiences any shortness of breaths, chest pains or fever, please call me, Mr. Wing.''

''Thank you, doctor.''

''You're welcome.'' He replied and then murmured. ''Don't let her lie down for too long, Wing. And she needs to be supervised for the next 48 hours.''

''Yes.''

I heard the doctor sigh. ''Why do they let kids in that arena?'' he whispered then the door shut.

''…Would you like to sleep for a bit, sis?'' Gon asked softly. He and Killua remained in the room. He was sat next to me whilst Killua sat on the window sill, silent and watching.

''…Gon.'' I called. His grip tightened in my hand.

''Yeah?''

I thought of how to say it. How to tell him I was going to leave him like our father did. How I will leave him alone like he did. How I was no different from that bastard who left his own children to become a hunter. How he didn't even bother writing letters to us. How hard could it be for him to go home even once a year? Or once every 2 years?

What's so good about being a hunter?

''its okay, Gin. Sleep for a bit, okay? I'll…I'll stay right here.''

 _He can't._ I thought. They can't stay right here. I didn't need to think hard to know that this shouldn't be happening right now. I've stalled them already. If I wasn't here, what should they be doing right now? Possibly fighting and slowly climbing up the arena.

''The doctor said that you need to sleep for now upright like this. Are you comfortable enough, sis?'' I closed my eyes as I listened to his troubled tone. I can't stand it. I can't stand seeing him so worried. Seeing him like this when I know he should stay happy and bubbly, was…horrid. Unacceptable.

''Gon.'' I said, more firmly. ''I need… to tell you something.''

I opened my eyes and looked down at our interlocked hands. From the window on my left, Killua turned to us. He blinked and his legs twitched. ''And you too, Killua.'' The silver-haired boy stilled.

''What is it?'' Gon enquired, voice soft and welcoming. His eyes trying to catch mine.

''I… I need to leave.'' Gon's shoulders slumped and his grip on my hand slackened. The room instantly felt colder and the silence cut deep.

''What?'' he asked again, weakly. When I didn't answer, he smiled, albeit shakily.

''Sure! We…We promised to go home, didn't we? Right after the exam. We could go home first and then train.'' He turned to his friend briefly before turning his attention back to me. ''Right, Killua? That's okay, right?''

Killua didn't answer.

''I'm not going home.'' I gasped out, clutching my aching chest. I wasn't sure whether it was from my emotions or from my injury. Perhaps both.

''…Where are you going then?'' Gon forcedly remained happy. ''We're coming with you!''

I shook my head and the movement caused my tears to fall. I sniffed ignoring how it brought a slight sting from my ribs. ''Gon… I… '' I took one deep breath, avoiding his eyes and the fact that his hand was trembling against mine. ''I received an offer.'' I gasped out. ''From the chairman.'' Gon blinked. ''He…he wanted…he said…he said that if I… _''_

 _If I continued as I am, I'll get myself or you killed._ I tried again. ''Training. He'll make me his apprentice, he said.'' I removed my hand from his and wiped my tears.

'' I'm sorry, Gon. I need to leave you…'' I looked up to meet his eyes. ''Only for a while.'' I told him softly as I held his face. ''Only for a while…'' I whispered. ''I will come back. I will write everyday if I can.''

''…When did he tell you?'' he looked down, eyes glazed over.

''After the exam. After the orientation when I woke up.''

 _Why didn't you tell me then?_ Was left unsaid.

''I didn't want to leave you at all.'' I told him honestly. ''I hoped that we can get…stronger together—''

''We can! You can get stronger with me.''

I shook my head, holding on to his neck. I turned to Killua who was watching us with a fixed blank look on his face. I smiled at him through my tears.

''You and Killua. You'll be together. You'll help each other grow. And you can do it. Together.'' I blinked. He opened his mouth as if to tell me that I can do that too with them. I shushed his lips and smiled. ''I will come back. I… I need to let you go, Gon.'' I hiccupped. ''I need to let you _fly_. You're… born to become a hunter. You're born to do lots and lots of amazing and beautiful things! And I… and Killua will help you achieve these things. Stay together, okay? Stay safe. And don't think of me—''

''SHUT UP! NOT THINK OF YOU?! That's impossible, Gin! You're my sister! _My twin!_ How can I not think of you?!'' he bellowed at me. I shushed him once again.

''don't think too much of me, is what I wanted to say. Focus on what you need to do. Don't get distracted.'' My chest felt heavy and I coughed, phlegm vibrating from my chest.

''All my life…I only wanted to protect you and keep you safe, my love.'' I wiped his tears. '' I held you so close to me. But now, I need to let you go. Because I can't and won't forgive myself if I'll be the one to stop you from what you want to do and what you're born to do. So… So…So to keep you safe and to let you follow your dreams… I need to become stronger too. Don't you think?''

''You are strong.'' He said, grabbing my hand. ''You are very strong, Gin! Tell me who did this to you! Tell me.''

I shook my head. ''Someone stronger than me did this.'' His face fell. He knew this all along, of course.

Gon's gaze sharpened and his voice deepened in determination. ''Killua and I can take him. Killua's strong.''

I let myself smile at his shine. Reaching to his face, I memorise every curve and every plane. Looking at him sometimes make me forget that we were twins. In my eyes, he looked much, much different. So full of life and light and warmth - everything that I love and everything that I want to protect.

His eyes searched mine for a moment before they dulled. ''When are you leaving? You can't leave with all those injuries, Gin.'' He mumured.

I ignored the ache in my chest. ''He gave me one month.''

''That's next week.'' He said.

I smiled. ''Then… that's when I have to leave.''

''At least let me escort you there.'' He said, eyes down casted.

''No.'' His grip tightened.

''We'll go with you.''

''No.''

''We will!'' He shouted, eyes dark and angry. I started. Gon had never been angry before. Ever. His face softened a little upon seeing my face. ''We'll go next week. At the meantime, you rest.'' He fixed the pillow behind me. ''And don't even think about escaping. We'll be watching every minute.'' He reprimanded.

''You need to start…''

''No, Gin.'' I looked down and smiled sadly, accepting defeat.

 _'_ 'Forgive me, Gon.'' I said the words I've always hated remembering.

 _Forgive me Gin, Gon…_ I closed my eyes to escape seeing his face. _This was why Ging never looked back_ , I realised. I opened my eyes and forced myself to see him. I had to see it. I won't turn a blind eye from his pain.

At least this way, I could still say that I was not like our father.

* * *

 _AN_ : _A rather short chapter. I wonder what will be Hisoka's reaction when he realises his favourite toy left? Anyone else who thinks that Gon has a sister complex too? Though it seems that he's much better hiding it. Thanks for reading guys!_


	29. Chapter 26 - Goodbye for now

**Chapter 26 – Goodbye for now**

 _''The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.''~ Anonymous_

* * *

My brother refused to leave my side for more than 15 minutes. But instead of getting frustrating by his newly found attachment to me, all I feel was sadness. At first, my brother slept at the sofa, refusing to leave the room until I managed to persuade him to sleep beside me instead.

Staring at him now, I can't help but cry silently. He looked even more innocent and vulnerable when asleep. I carefully touched his hair, smoothing the soft black strands lacking the gel he applied every day to help his hair remain up and spiky. _Just like how Ging does from the pictures._

I sighed and crossed my legs. I have been meditating at night when everyone was asleep. Wing, the young man that helped us get into this accommodation lived only a few rooms apart from ours. Judging from my cards, he should know Nen and possibly the person to teach my brother and Killua about Nen in the incoming future. If everything comes into plan and that I haven't ruined it as bad as I think I already have.

Because I essentially don't exist or wasn't supposed to exist, I can't really tell where I'm going or what is coming for me. But for my brother, I know that he will face a strange person standing and balanced on one pole. He seem to have no feet and covered the entirety of his being with a red cloth. His main weapons looked like those spinning tops many children love to play with. This man can use Nen. With some more asking, I managed to get an image of three men – one was in a wheelchair, one balanced on a pole, and the other looked absolutely creepy and seemed to be losing one arm. I am guessing these men will be three of the many that Gon and Killua would fight. And then of course, Hisoka and Gon's fight.

Then, I believe after the arena, Gon and Killua will go home to Whale Island. _Without me._

 _Oooh... Mito's gonna be pissed. Grandmother Abe too!_ _Come to think of it, I've never written to Mito. But Gon has already. To be fair, I added some stuff there and sent my regards but maybe…I'll send a letter before I go._

Then, in comes Yorknew City – where the largest auction of the world will occur. Kurapika will make his first move against the Phantom Troupe, killing a huge man, an enhancer called _Uvogin._ In the process, Gon and Killua will meet Chrollo Lucifer – a specialist with stealing type of Nen.

What I also noticed during these small sessions is that I don't get nose-bleeds that often anymore. _Yes! An accomplishment!_

After Yorknew City, a straw-coloured, pig-tailed girl with incredibly large eyes and a pink dress appeared on my cards. The words _Greed Island_ rang in my ears and a vision of _the bomber_ , a long-faced blond man appeared on my card. This man… I remembered will injure my brother.

Furthermore, much to my innocent, fragile eyes, my card made me see a picture of Hisoka, all in his naked glory. I inwardly groaned and scolded the girly part of me squealing at his…

 _Stupid girl! He fucking beaten you black, blue and violet!_ _Hot or not, he has a very deplorable perversion towards children! Naïve, innocent, full of potential boys like your brother! Not to mention he has seen you half-naked and didn't even react! That only meant one thing! He really is a pervert!_

I sighed and shook my head carefully. I don't have anything against homosexuals but him and my brother? No. No. No.

 _No…My brother will be fine. He and Killua will be just fine._

And then, the Chimeras.

This was the part I was dreading about. The part that I am so scared about. In this part, my cards have turned rather violent. Kaito had his head severed off and was held in between a cat-human's legs. The chairman will die during this time, killed by a green-boy with a funny helmet.

It was all so simple.

And yet so complicated.

This was when I started having violent dreams. It was Pokkle, the small petite guy from the Hunters exam. He was naked and his skull was wide open whilst a human cat probed his brain. He has a frozen horrified expression on his face.

Then, the next thing I know, I was looking at Gon's face, he was naked and asking me for help. His voice was utterly lifeless that hearing it in my head brought me a blast of fear and an extreme hurt all over my body.

 _''Help me, Gin. Help.''_

Of course, I knew it was all nightmare even while having the dream. But then, it will change to Killua, to Kurapika, to Leorio, to Ging, to Mito, to Grandmother Abe until I wake up, sweating with a scream stuck inside my throat and my brother murmuring comforting words at me.

As time passed by, so did the week. Soon after, it was time for me to go and the boys grew increasingly silent.

''I will come back as early as I can. Hopefully, he'd give me breaks, Gon, Killua.'' I told them as we prepared to leave. In addition to the blue skater dress, white cardigan, knee-high socks and my old doll shoes, I wore an olive green woollen scarf from Gon. It hid the dark blue bruises around my neck well. As for my head-dress, it got a little bloody that I had to fight with Killua because he wanted to chuck it to the bin.

''No! Kurapika bought it for me! I'll keep it! No, Killua! Gon! Tell him to give it back!''

Of course, I won in the end and despite the dried blood in the feathers, I proudly wore it like a crown.

I strapped my weapon holsters and my 5 throwing knives around my thighs under my dress, my hip bag containing my collection of knives around my waists and sheathed two knives inside the straps on my arms. Inside my backpack, I have two sets of underwear, courtesy of Killua and Gon. It was a dark blue bikini underwear, polka dots with white laces and a green matching lacy boy shorts and bralette. Apparently, Gon decided to buy 5 pairs of matching under wears but I'm only bringing two. _Aww, and they are all so cute!_

My first aid kit bag was still untouched and my survival knife unused and my frog purse still have my money in it! _Kurapika bought the head-dress for me. Oh… he's so purr-fect!_

Come to think of it, I never had to spend anything on food either. Kurapika and Leorio had bought us snacks on the way to Killua's mansion. _Those guys are amazing…_

''Just how many knives did you bring with you?!'' asked a puzzled Killua. ''That bag's quite heavy.'' He pointed at the small hip bag.

''Hm…Well, I was going to bring 10 but then…'' I smiled at my twin who was as usual, watching us bicker. He tilted his head to the side, waiting. ''I changed my mind at the last minute! And brought my whole collection!''

Gon's eyes widened. ''The whole…? But sis…You have like 20…''

I beamed at him and nodded. ''Yup! I thought…you know, just to be safe. I also have a bottle of pepper spray here.'' I said, patting the small bag. _Not like they did me anything good. Well, they did and still do make me feel safer._

Gon frowned. ''They must have been heavy, sis.''

''Hmm?'' I thought about it. ''Yeah… I guess they were a little heavy.''

Gon smiled and sighed. ''You're amazing, Gin!'' He cheered. I started and blushed, fidgeting on my spot.

''Heh…''

I turned to Killua. ''What?''

He shrugged and shifted away, pocketing his hands again.

Just to be safe, I asked Wing to buy the tickets and name it under him. With an understanding smile, the teacher had agreed. Hopefully, Hisoka wouldn't know I went to train with Netero. _Grateful for his little waking up session or not, I think I'll punch him next time I see him. That bastard took off my corset! That pervert!_

 _You know...he didn't even comment on them right? He likes boys._

 _ **Gon!**_ I shivered when I heard Hisoka's voice moan in my head. _NONONONONONONO...Maybe I shouldn't leave. God, my baby boy is in danger...No. Killua's here. He'll protect Gon. But... Killua's also in danger!_

My brother held my tensed shoulder and we walked out of our rented room. I forced my mind blank and pushed away my crazy thoughts. They will be fine. They are very strong and intelligent boys. And Wing is here.

Just to be safe again, we booked two rooms beside each other. Killua had disagreed and refused to sleep in one room as us. _The shy brat._ He sauntered on my other side, carrying my backpack and _Togari_ in his hand. _I still hasn't practised with them. What have I been doing?_ I wondered a little.

As if to answer, the dim-litted torture room of the Zoldycks and the girls' toilets entered my mind and I pushed the pictures out of my head.

A part of me already misses my brother but also, another part was excited to leave and learn whatever Netero had planned for me. _Wait… He has something planned, right?_ However, for some reason, that old man doesn't look like someone who make lesson plans to me. He might just throw some books and then leave me to learn alone…

My eye twitched and I frowned at myself. That sounds awfully like something he'd do…

Outside the inn, Wing and his student, Zushi were waiting for us. The younger boy's eyes widened at my head-dress while Wing just pleasantly smiled. I winked at the young boy who blushed in return.

''O-su!'' I greeted.

''O-osu!'' he replied. I chuckled at his cuteness and reached out to ruffle his brown hair.

''Do your best in the heavens arena, dear.'' He meekly nodded, peeking up to me shyly. ''Gon and Killua will join in the fray very soon. You might face one of them.'' I winked. ''Better start training harder.'' I mock-whispered.

''Tche. Even if he'd started last month or last year, he's still 10 years early to beat me.'' Boasted someone. The younger boy glowered, bristling like a young poodle.

My heart lightened when I heard Gon chuckle. I turned to Wing who was watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. I bowed. ''Thank you again for helping us, Mr. Wing. I hope to see you again. Please take care of my brother and Killua.'' I smiled. ''They'll need it once they enter the 200th floors.'' The older man seemed a little surprise at my sure tone. After all, his student Zushi is still in the 50s at the moment. Then, he warmly smiled at me.

''Of course, Gin. Take care of yourself wherever you're going.'' His dark eyes hiding behind his glasses glinted. My smile faltered a little. _Does he know where I'm going?_

He chuckled and offered a hand. ''I wish you all the best, Gin.'' He said genuinely. I took his proffered hand and shook it.

''Thank you. Please take care of my brother and Killua. They're really reckless oftimes.'' I half-teased.

As expected, Killua snorted. ''Yeah, right. Between the three of us, you win at being reckless. Wait…Hey!'' he straightened and pointed at me accusingly. ''You still haven't brought us to dinner!''

I frowned, tilting my head to the side. _Dinner._

Mr. Satotz flat, emotionless face materialised at the front of my mind's eyes. My eye twitched. ''You know that we finished at the same time, right?''

The catfish crossed his arms and smirked. ''Hmph. But! You finished last! And you promised to buy us dinner!''

Gon happily nodded his head on my left side. ''30 Jennie—'' the silver-haired boy snapped at him and sent Gon a glare.

''Ah… your 30 Jennies dinner.'' I nodded my head, pretending to have just remembered it. From my peripheral, I saw Wing and Zushi tilt their heads comically at the same side, confused and left out.

''Mah… things here are so expensive though. Maybe in Whale Island when you visit, we'll go then.'' I smiled and watched as his blue eyes widen a miniscule amount before they shone in excitement. He smiled sincerely then. I blinked. Then, as if catching himself, he pursed his lips and scoffed.

''Hm! Mito-san makes the best foods, Killua!'' My brother proudly informed. I nodded my head, my eyes closed and remembering our aunt's pretty face.

''Then, shall we head off now?'' I asked.

Killua and Gon shared a look and nodded. ''Bye Mr. Wing! Zushi!'' I waved.

''O-su!''

''Take care of yourself, Gin. I'll see you when you get back, boys.''

I giggled, once we were a few feet away. ''He's so cute.'' I mumbled.

Killua just shook his head. ''What?'' I asked him, puzzled.

''Nothing. Just that you seem really like the type to like younger boys than you.'' He smirked when I gasped, hand flying to my chest.

''You did not just accuse me of being a paedophile!''

''You're like…'' he crumpled his face, smiling and fluttering his eyes. With a hand on his chest, '' _Do your best in the heavens arena, dear!''_ He squeaked.

'I do not speak like that!'' I playfully slapped his arm. He smirked.

''Yes, you do, _dear!_ ''

I groaned. ''I do not!''

He squeaked. ''I do not!'' he stomped his foot, arms bent up at the elbows.

I crossed my arms and turned away from him. Then, I realised that Gon was laughing quietly. ''Gon! I don't act like that, do I?''

My twin brother stopped laughing (sort of). His brown eyes sparkled in amusement. ''Hm…Well…'' he trailed off, much to my growing exasperation. _He could at least lie and side with me!_

I pouted and strolled ahead, my chin tilted up. Gon followed closely. ''…You're cute, Gin. Very cute!'' he praised and I fought the smile off my face, turning away to my left to hide it. _That Gon thinks flattery will get him somewhere!_

I jerked back when I found myself face to face with a simpering Killua. I broke out laughing and thereafter the boys too.

* * *

Most of our journey in the airship were spent in silence. Gon and I mostly remained entwined with each other, our arms linked. I felt almost sorry for Killua, our own personal third-wheel. I smiled and fought the urge to giggle. _It wasn't my fault that Killua hated public displays of affection!_

I tried to coerce him in joining our little hug fests but he just scoffs and saunters away.

Though I really have a feeling he wanted to.

In the airship, we mostly just sat down and walked about. My injuries still hasn't healed. It was obvious with the blue bruises around my neck. Normally, it will take about 3-4 weeks for bruised ribs and concussions to get better. But I feel a lot better already. Something that the doctor was a little surprised about. I think the meditations helped despite the fact that it gave me even more nightmares and dark circles under my eyes. My bruises were still quite fresh but the pain wasn't as bad as before. However, I still take the painkillers and ice my ribs when I can to help ease the soreness.

''How long do you think the apprenticeship will long, Gin?'' My brother asked. A table separated us from Killua who was busy munching on some crisps. Upon hearing question, the silver-haired boy looked up, awaiting the answer.

I hummed, looking up to the white roofing of the airship. Outside, the bright city lights twinkled like bright burning stars below. We still have this night and tomorrow, we'll arrive at the Hunter Association.

''I don't know, Gon.'' I answered and saw how my brother's shoulders sag in defeat. I smiled and squeezed his hand. He looked up, eyes shining and looking like a cute kicked puppy. I smiled, despite my burning eyes. ''But I'll force that old man to let me go for breaks! Tche! If he won't allow me, I'll escape!'' I fisted my hand and nodded.

My brother's eyes widened and his lips slowly curled up into a beaming smile. ''Then, can you meet us in September!? That's in 5 months!''

I smiled, a decision forming in my head. ''Alright! I'll force him to let me go! By that time, who knows? I might be stronger than him! HAHAHAHAHA!'' I cackled, standing up and placing my hands on my hips to strike an awesome pose. I grinned down at my happy brother who was clapping his hands merrily then to Killua who was staring at me with a cynical and sarcastic look on his face. I gave him a thumbs up and caught a glimpse of him smiling before he shook his head in disbelief.

* * *

As expected, we landed in the morning. After riding a bus, we arrived and easily located the building. It was a tall, rectangular mirrored establishment and at the top, there is a board sign with the Hunters Association logo pasted on it. The mirrors gleamed and refracted the sun's glare, making it hard to look at. Gon arranged and fiddled with my new green scarf around my neck with a shaky smile. The colour matched his ensemble. The first time he gave it to me, I cried. Because that was the time after I told him I was leaving him. He entered the room with a paper bag in his hand and he told me that he will let me go.

I closed my eyes and bumped our foreheads together. Today, I was still taller than him. But maybe when I see him again, he would have gone taller. I sensed Killua turning away as if to give us some privacy.

I reached out and caught him around the neck. ''Oomh.'' A silver-hair joined our mop of black hair. With a smile, I let my tears fall. ''I was wrong, Gon.'' I started, my arm tightening around Killua. ''There aren't only two people in this world. Stay together, okay?''

''Hm.'' To my surprise, it was Killua who answered. I let go and wiped my tears. Killua silently handed me my backpack. I slipped the worn-out straps around my shoulders with a small grateful smile. Behind me, I felt Gon slip out the feathers that got stuck between.

The Hunter association building stood towering and gleaming over us. However, its majestic and imposing figure failed to catch our awe due to our depressed states.

I took a deep breath and stared at the revolving doors not far away. I turned once again towards my silent brother who was looking dejectedly at the floor, hiding his tears. For one last time until we meet again, I threw myself at him and hugged him tightly. ''I love you, Gon. I love you so much. Remember that forever. I love you.'' I whispered. I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked my tears away, willing myself to stay strong.

''I love you too, Gin.'' His small shoulders shook again. ''I love you…'' his small voice broke and he muffled his sobs against my white cardigan. ''Call me. Call me anytime when you need me. If someone tries to hurt you here, come back to me. Call me right away and I promise, I promise I'll come running.''

I chuckled. ''…We don't have a phone.'' I reminded him. He chuckled in response.

''Then write to me every day. Or every time you can. Killua and I will buy a phone and then I'll write you the number.''

I nodded. ''Hm. Okay.'' With one last squeeze, I sniffed his scent and glued it to my memory. ''Gon?''

''Hm?''

''When you fight with Hisoka… Don't forget the pepper spray, okay? Keep it in your pocket and then when you gain enough distance, spray it all over his face!''

''Uh… okay''

I let go and with a wide smile, I walked hesitantly and slowly more surely away.

Upon reaching the doors, I turned back and saw them still standing where I left them. I smiled and waved. They waved back and with a deep breath, I let myself in.

 _For Gon, for myself, for Killua, for Kurapika, for Leorio, for Mito, for Grandmother Abe and for everyone else dear to me. I won't let those I care about be crushed by the strong. For that… I will become strong._

* * *

 _AN: The super awesome head-dress strikes again! Gon has professional cute underwear collection. Gon sure knows his sister's things. I think he has a future in Underwear hunting. LOL. And Gin...Gin has no idea. What reaction was she waiting for? LOL! What do you think will happen now? I'd love to hear your thoughts :) Thank you for your support! The next chapter might take a while guys... I have a booklet to read and answer. xD_


	30. Chapter 27 - No pain, no gain

**Chapter 27 – No pain, no gain**

 _''_ _I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person back then.'' ~ Lewis Caroll's Alice in Wonderland._

* * *

I admit that going somewhere without the support of my brother and Killua made me feel rather naked, vulnerable and a little shaky. It was embarrassing since I was supposed to be the mature one. But alas! It seems not! I think it's because I think too much of what could happen. My mind giving me various scenarios and possible solutions and reactions I should do in response to them. I generally give myself good advice too. Sometimes, I just don't follow them or sometimes, I just can't because things already went downhill.

Upon entering, I found myself in a very professional (boring) and large (empty) room. It was pretty in the clean and pure sort of way but the reason for my lack of wonder was because it clashed with my creative persona.

The floor was made of white-marble and as expected from an establishment such as the Hunters association, it was well-polished and squeaky clean. The ceiling was fairly high with round lights and multiple domed LED lights scattered about on the white painted ceiling. Straight on, there were white fat pillars lined up, giving out white light from above.

The reception desks was on the left and just in front of it, right at the middle of the spacious floor were four empty black couches. Currently, there were three receptionists behind the desks and they were currently too busy to look at me. There were some people milling around and I made sure to remain vigilant for any secret or sudden attacks.

 _I might be a little paranoid. But that never hurt anybody._

After all, I am in the temple of all Hunters and almost or perhaps everyone in this building will be hunters.

Aside from the two _white_ -potted plants placed on the far end of the desk, I sighted no other plants nearby. That's what made the floor sad, I realised. There were nothing here beside stone, metal, crystals and man. I eyed the empty couches, _and maybe soft feathers too._

I walked towards the receptionists' desk and left a little distance from the people behind the expensively tall furniture. First, for safety and second, because like I said, the desk was _tall_. My face itched a lot. It wanted to scowl so badly.

I waited until one of the receptionist looked at me. There were three of them – one man and two women. It was the man who smiled welcomingly at me. ''Good morning.'' He greeted and I felt myself relaxing a little. _Ooh, he's good,_ I thought.

 _This is what I call a man with class_ , I thought. Dressed, in a classic black suit with a red tie, I therefore conclude that he must be in his early 20s and a _bachelor_. Unlike the two bitches beside him who _were too busy_ to even acknowledge me, Mr. Receptionist did.

This is also one of the things what I've noticed. Men, most of the time, are more attentive and respectful than women. Well, that's only my opinion. But then again, I've met some awful men too. _Like Hisoka, Illumi, Togari…_

Maybe that opinion should be opened up for debate. Hm.

The male receptionist blinked down at me, tilting his head to the side a little. ''Oh.'' I covered my mouth, hiding my smile. ''Sorry. Uhm… I'm Gin. I'm a hunter and I have an appointment with the Chairman.''

He gave me a small professional smile, eyes avoiding the hook-bill knives in my hands. ''May I have a look on your card, please? Miss Freecs.''

With a sweet smile, I held _Togari_ on one hand then shamelessly pulled my blue dress and rooted for the card in my bra. I handed it to him and he smilingly received it. By this time, the two women turned their heads to watch us, one was looking incredulous whilst the other looked like she was fighting the urge to laugh. The latter glanced at me with a small smile, her eye-shadowed eyes twinkling in amusement behind her glasses. I winked at her and her smile widened and she looked down, typing once again.

I think she likes him secretly. _Bitch took note._

''Miss Freecs,'' he called softly. He reminded me so much of Kurapika, I realised. Only that he has brown hair, nicely-trimmed and styled, and he wasn't as beautiful as my blonde-prince.

But both were soft-tempered and a gentleman. ''You have an appointment with the Chairman, you say?'' But then again, one wouldn't know another's true colour right away. All I was doing was making first impressions through what my eyes see. I could always be wrong and out of all people, I should know that facial expressions can be easily designed.

I nodded. ''But he might not be expecting me to come. But if you call his secretary, Bean. He'll inform him.''

He blinked as if surprised before smiling genuinely. He handed me my card, leaning closer because of *cough* the unfair height of the furniture. ''Alright, Miss Freecs. If you just settle and sit yourself on the couches whilst I contact Mr. Bean. We'll call on you once again.''

I nodded and fidgeted by the couches first until I decided to just stand near them. The fact that no one was seating on them made me feel anxious about the innocent sofas. Also, I feel more prepared when I'm standing up.

While waiting, I grew more and more nervous. Netero's proposal was unprecedented and unexpected. From my memory, I don't remember him having any desire of getting an apprentice. He also doesn't suit the loving teacher type. In fact, I personally think him cruel and a sadist. I fought a shiver. _Which devil is better, Hisoka or Netero?_

Both are very undecipherable people. Being with them confuses me a lot. Should I go run back to Gon now? It is never too late to back out. At least with Gon… I have an idea of what was coming. The double doors were just a few feet away and someone (probably the old man) was most likely watching my every move.

I looked up and eyed my surroundings, listening and sensing my environment. No one was paying me any attention. But there must be cameras hidden expertly around here. This is the Hunters Association, after all. Some might be even attached on someone else's clothing. _Like that blue gown Killua's family gave me…_

 _Not safe._ My subconscious mind whispered. _Netero's offer is suspicious._ I knew this but then again, he wouldn't offer me apprenticeship if he wasn't serious, correct? If he decides to play sadist on me, then I shall take whatever challenge he'll give me and survive. That is my training.

 _I could do this. I'll face it. I'm strong. I'm very strong._

I snapped into attention upon hearing the sound of faint footsteps coming nearer. I glanced over my shoulder, tensed. My mind memorising and reminding me of the exit and possible shielding places. I rotated _Togari_ between my fingers just to ease my growing apprehension. I still haven't practised with them so my movement was quite slow and careful.

Togari used them as throw knives. He spun them and they were quick and able to fly around his targets and back again to him. Given enough practise, I might be able to do that too and perhaps do even better. But right at the moment, _Togari_ was still dangerous since he's like the size of my whole arm for one and that I am a little scared to throw them because I might accidentally slice my whole arm.

However, I can use them as combat knives, though a little ineffectively because compared to my twin knives, _Togari_ was very heavy.

I sighed at my own weaknesses. At least I had my throwing knives with me. Now those, I'm quite good at. Sometimes I feel like everything is moving on too fast and I'm just caught up and being dragged on to the flow.

I turned and faced the person. I relaxed slightly upon seeing his shining green head and his suit. I gave him a smile. ''Good morning, Mr. Bean.''

He smiled pleasantly. ''Good morning, Miss Freecs. I'm glad you made it here safely. Please follow me.'' He said and waited for me to nod. When I did, the small bean smiled and lead me.

''The Hunters association has 300 floors. The Chairman is in the 300th at the moment. That's where his office is.'' Bean pressed the 300 button inside the elevator.

''Where am—'' I stopped when Mr. Bean held up a hand and gave me a small apologetic smile. I blinked and kept quiet.

Soon after, we reached the 300th floor and we stepped in. Unlike the ground floor, the 300th floor had more colour. The walls were red, gold and cream and the carpet was red.

'Miss Freecs, this is the 300th floor.'' Started the green bean as he walked through the empty hallway. We passed by wallpapered walls with vines and angels painted on them. There were antique brass wall sconces illuminating the corridor with a golden glow, making the place look even more majestic and mysterious.

''I like this floor.'' I admitted. ''It's certainly more colourful than the ground floor.''

The Green bean laughed. ''Indeed. But this floor was designed by the last Chairman. Our Chairman wasn't too bothered about it so he let it stay like this. I am glad you approve, Miss Freecs.''

We stopped in front a mahogany double doors. Mr. Bean pushed it open and revealed a bed room. A big bed room, appropriate for a queen. I hesitantly went in, eyes wide and mouth parted in awe.

''This is where you'll be staying Miss Freecs.''

''It's beautiful.'' I gasped out.

I didn't have to look to know he was smiling. ''About what happened in the elevator, Miss Freecs.'' He said, voice dropping into a serious one. I turned towards him. ''It would be better if you don't talk about your apprenticeship in public or to other people. Or the fact that you are here at the moment.'' he said, smiling to try soften his advice.

 _That made sense._ ''But the receptionists…I told them that I have an appointment…'' Mr. Bean shook his head.

''That's fine, Miss Freecs. It is true that appointments with the chairman is seldom to happen but it can. That is no problem.'' He smiled.

I nodded. _I think I just entered a political drama._ ''The phone on the bedside table, you can use that to call me should you need anything like food, snacks or anything you'll need. Please do not hesitate. I will give you an hour to rest for a little and get to use with this new room. The Chairman wants to meet you in an hour. I will escort you there.'' Mr. Bean said. '' Don't worry, Miss Freecs. This floor is very private and only authorised people may enter.'' He added.

I blinked and just realised I was frowning. I instantly fixed my face and smiled gratefully at the small bean-man. ''Thank you very much, Mr. Bean.'' I bowed deeply.

I heard the smile in his voice. ''You're very welcome, Miss Freecs.''

After the bean-man left, I sat myself on my queen-sized bed and sighed. As expected, the matress was just right – not too soft and not too hard. The duvet covers were red and gold as were the theme colour of the whole room.

High-ceilinged with vines, half-naked cherubs and some flowers, the room was very beautiful indeed. _I wonder if I can dress up as a cherub one day. Oooh! That will be so cool!_

I removed my green scarf and laid them on the bed and then removed my bag off my shoulders. Unzipping the brown, worn backpack, I pulled out my medications – a bottle of painkillers, a jar of muscle repair tablets and an ointment to soothe my bruises.

Since I only had an hour left, I ambled towards the en-suite bathroom that was as grand as the entirety of the 300th floor. I smiled at my reflection. The bright yellow lights made my eyes brighten a little and with the use of the ointment, the bruises spanning my whole neck was less dark as before. I decided to wash my face and rinse my mouth then left the bathroom.

I pushed the red drapes to the side and winced when my eyes got hit by the sunlight outside. I blinked and looked down, half expecting my brother and Killua but they weren't there. I smiled sadly and ignored the clench in my chest and swallowed the growing lump in my throat.

Sighing, I pushed the window open and contented myself just by propping my elbows on the window's ledge and watching the busy, bustling streets of the city.

* * *

After an hour, Mr. Bean knocked on my door and led me to Netero's office. I felt a little scared but decided that my fear was nonsense. This was training. If Netero wanted to kill me, he would have done it during the Hunters exam already.

There was door that led to a hallway that was bare and stripped of the red, gold, black colours. This one was completely opposite and similar to the ground floor because of its white-tiled walls, white-potted plants and its practical cleanliness. The door behind us shut and we passed through another silent elevator.

''This is the start of the Chairman's public floor where important people like the Vice-president or visitors are allowed to come in given that they've had a pass. My office is right there.'' Mr. Bean pointed a closed room. ''I will have to get your hand-print later for the private door.'' He pointed over his shoulders to the door we've just been. ''At the moment, the only ones that can enter there are myself, the chairman and you.'' He smiled.

I blinked, a little surprised and a little suspicious. ''So that part of the floor is like…the private floor of the Chairman?'' I asked, feeling like a little dirty secret. _Like those secret mistresses old men have in dramas…Urgh! Yuck! Wait! What if… NONONONONONO….Of course not, ew! I'd settle with being the love-child._

Mr. Bean chuckled a little. ''I guess it's a little weird.'' His tone became a little sad. ''The Chairman doesn't have any family. I guess… that part of the floor is a little lonely…'' Then, as if catching himself, Mr. Bean perked up once again and beamed. ''Ah. Here we are.'' He announced and knocked on the door.

Upon entering, my eyes fell on the empty desk near the glass wall, expecting _the Chairman_ to be sitting there poring over his paper-works.

Then, I realised I shouldn't set my expectations of that old man too high.

Shortly after I entered and my disappointment, my ears registered the sound of applause and pop music. I turned and found the chairman sitting on a white sofa in front of a massive flat screen TV hanging on the wall. His feet were up and he was drinking tea whilst his other hand was holding a sweet bun.

 _So much for sophistication…_

I stayed on my place out of respect whilst Mr. Bean approached the chairman. ''Chairman, Miss Freecs is here.'' The bean-man politely said, voice being slightly muffled from the TVs wild roars. I inwardly groaned in frustration upon seeing an endless line of bikini-clad and costumed women out of the screen.

To tell you the truth, I had nothing against watching these things but this old man's ruining my vision of old men being wise and everything…God… this old man's vile.

I blinked, interested when a particular brunette promenaded along the stage, dressed like a sexy angel warrior. _Hm… That's hot…_ I nodded, holding my chin in thought.

Someone chuckled. ''Do you approve, Miss Freecs?'' I snapped into attention and found Netero twisted from his couch looking at me. Mr. Bean, on the other hand, was looking down on the floor, looking slightly purple.

Meanwhile, I glanced up at the TV again. ''Hm… Yup. Very nice. Love the way that she's just looking straight ahead. That's good. She's an angel and a warrior. Pride will be one of her main attributes. Possibly her major one too. Hm.'' I mused out loud.

The chairman chuckled more maniacal this time and then motioned at the empty couches in front of him, ''Sit! Sit! Gin-dear. I thought you'll never come!''

I silently followed his order. Mr. Bean politely asked me if I wanted tea. I nodded at him sweetly. ''Yes, please.''

''I wouldn't miss the opportunity, Chairman.'' I politely answered. ''I'm sorry you thought I wouldn't agree to it.''

 _''_ _Hohohohoho!''_ he foolishly laughed and I watched his grey eyes glinting and lingering at my bruised neck. The Bean-man made to leave but then the chairman stopped him. ''Bean!'' he half-whined and half-yelled. ''Why won't you sit and eat with us?! Those papers wouldn't go away anytime soon, you know! _Hohohoho_!'' I watched as the secretary accepted the offer with a small appreciative smile.

 _Awh…Such friendship between boss and employee! Maybe he isn't so bad, after all!_

''…So I heard you went to the Zoldycks, Gin-dear, had fun?'' he turned his attention back to me. _WTF? Was he stalking me?_

''Yes, chairman. Nothing too interesting and nothing too new.'' I answered vaguely. _Just some whipping plus shocks. At least they didn't pull out my nails. Oh, not being able to paint nails will be like an everlasting torture!_

'' _Hohoho!_ I must say that not a lot of people can enter the Zoldyck estate and come out alive!'' The old man fidgeted in his seat and leaned forwards as if very interested. ''How was it?! Were they skeletons hanging on their trees and curtains made of bones?!'' Mr. Bean gaped at me from his seat.

I let myself smile and took a sip of my tea. ''No, chairman. The woods looked normal…except for their giant watchdog and I didn't see any curtains made of skeletons, sir.''

Netero made a disappointed sound. I smiled at Mr. Bean who proffered the plate of buns towards me. ''Thank you, Mr. Bean.'' I took a bite and sighed. _Delicious._

''Then… What made you accept my offer, dear?'' he asked, voice becoming serious. In response, I straightened and met his eyes.

''I want to be strong so I won't get myself or my brother or the ones I care about killed.'' I answered truthfully.

His lips twitched. ''Hm…'' he smoothed down is white beard. ''Do you know why I asked you to be my apprentice?'' He asked, face towards the TV but I knew his attention was all on me.

''…Because I'm very likeable and not because you're dying.'' I answered, a little drily. _Tell me, old man. Why?_

He laughed a little then he turned towards me again, eyes sharp and serious. I stiffened, legs tensing, ready to run. The wall by his office is made of glass. There was a chair beside it, I can use that to break the glass and _Nen_ and escape. ''The Vice-president's been trying to overthrow me.'' He said and I blinked, puzzled. Just across me, Bean seemed to stiffen.

''…You wanted me to be your apprentice because someone's trying to overthrow you?'' I asked, eyebrow raising. ''You…you're not training me to become your…successor, right?''

He laughed and bit into his bread, much to my growing unease. I forced a laugh. ''You know… that's…wait.'' I held up a hand. I thought for a bit. ''No…you're not like that at all…No…''

I froze and stared up to him, giving him my extremely cold look. ''…You're gonna introduce me as your successor or apprentice to play with him, aren't you?'' I said, flatly. His grey eyes glinted, amused. ''You're gonna use me as your…what's the word…your _ha-ha fuck-you- this-little-innocent-fragile- girl-is -your-rival,_ aren't you?'' My eye twitched when he broke out laughing.

 _Bull's eye._ I silently growled. _This old man. How cruel!_

''You're something else, Gin-dear.'' I fought the urge to flinch. Another similarity between Netero and Hisoka is the fact that they love to call me _Gin-dear_ or _Gin-chan._ Instead, I crossed my arms and turned my nose up to the side. Even the green secretary was silent and looking sorry for me.

 _He had suspected this all along_ , I thought. _But then again, even though he has this cruel objective, I can make use of this training too. He might just using me but he's also giving me the chance to use him. It will only depend if I stay strong throughout and not trust anyone…Not even the kind secretary or the chairman himself. I shouldn't push myself. No one will know my body better than me._

''…Even knowing that, Gin-dear. Do you still accept or do you want an out?'' he asked. His tone of voice told me he knew already the answer. He just wanted to tease me.

I tilted my chin at him. ''Well…at least you're not dying, Chairman. That's good enough.'' I huffed.

He chuckled and raised his cup at me before drinking the whole tea and then burped. I kept my face blank despite the urge to make a disgusted face. _Ugh! If I was Grandmother Abe…_ Mr. Bean carefully poured his empty cup without prompting.

''Good! Good! Well then! You have this day. Tomorrow, we'll start your first day as my apprentice!'' he declared. I nodded. ''What do you know about martial arts, Gin-dear?'' he suddenly asked.

I blinked then a wide, excited smile invaded my face. ''None! But I'd love to learn! Will you teach me, chairman?''

He chuckled then smoothed his beard. ''Well…'' I waited patiently, fluttering my eyes a little. ''Hm…Why not?!'' I giggled a little, excited and exultant. _That's a good way to become strong!_

''On one condition, of course.'' My smile fell off. Conditions from this old man means something back-breaking and possibly life-threatening. I knew this from the moment I met him. _Urgh._ I pasted an interested face. His eyes glinted cruelly. '' You and I will have a game of ball. Once you manage to steal the ball from me, then I'll train you in martial arts.''

I let my lips curl a little, disgusted at the unfairness of his condition. _But I won't be able to get anything from you unless you let me, you old shit!_

Despite the heavy feeling of injustice in my heart, I smiled sweetly and nodded. ''Well then, Chairman! You have a deal!''

 _I won't tell him I'm going away after 6 months. If I tell him now, he'll use that against me. I guess I'll just drop the bomb when I'm about to go. HAHAHAHA! Take that!_

''Tomorrow at 8 am, dear. Oh, and that duffel bag is for you.'' He pointed at a dark duffel bag by the wall. '' Wear them _at all times._ '' He said, eyes mischievous. I hesitantly walked towards the bag and crouched. I opened the bag and groaned silently. _Of course…_

''How much do they weigh, chairman?''

''…Hm? Better for you not to know, dear.'' He said, almost as kindly as a grandfather. My eye twitched in annoyance. I picked up the ugly vest and after removing my head-dress, I inserted my head over the hole. I gasped, feeling its weight. My knees shook as I braced myself on the wall. My shoulders might just break at the weight of it. My eyes caught four shackles remaining. I slowly locked them around my wrists and then legs. Then, I replaced my head-dress back on my head.

''…You're…an asshole, _Shishou_.'' I said through gritted teeth. He chuckled as a response. ''If…this…stunts…my growth…I'm…gonna kill you…in your sleep.'' I gasped.

''Yes. Yes. Then, I guess I should sleep with my one eye opened, Gin-dear.'' He waved a hand. ''Go. Go! Have fun! Bean will set up everything for you! I'll see you for the game tomorrow. Good luck, dear!'' I dragged myself towards the door. Bean watched me, worried. I smiled at him but maybe it looked more like a grimace. He smiled a little then glanced to the chairman's back. _How cruel,_ his eyes seem to say. I nodded, agreeing to his silent thoughts.

He kindly opened the door for me. I let myself groan when I heard that old monster roar in laughter as soon as the door closed. _God damn it. What did I put myself into?_

* * *

 _AN: And so begins Gin's pre-training. Netero's a cruel git. The vice-president's (Pariston!) trying to overthrow him and our baby Gin has been grabbed to be placed in the middle. Thanks so much for your support and kindness! Just finished the booklet and I actually left the house today and basked in the sun a little. I'm only slightly worried when university begins -_- Contrary to what everyone said when I was still in college, university life is not that...awesome... especially when you're the home person and you've always been 'free'. Oh well…different people have different views, right? How about you guys? Anyway...hope you like this chapter._


	31. Chapter 28 - No Pain, No Gain II

**Chapter 27 – No Pain, No Gain II**

 _''_ _If you do not know where you are going, any road will get you there.'' ~Cheshire cat_

* * *

I was led inside Bean's office where he's gone through some security measures with me. He asked me to press my left and right hands on a film which he then fed into the door's handprint identification. Then, he asked me to look down on the machine for a retinal scan. Afterwards, the door seemed to relax and we were allowed to enter.

''From now on, you can enter and leave by yourself, Miss Freecs.'' He smiled.

I smiled back, albeit a little forcedly. It felt like I was carrying an invisible sumo-wrestler plus two people holding onto my ankles as I walked. I was also panting already. Mr. Bean sweat-dropped. ''Would you like to postpone our tour, Miss Freecs?''

I shook my hand and my head at him. ''Nononono…I'm fiiine! I can do this! This…is…nothing!'' I gasped and braced myself on the wall.

'' _that old monster, cruel, sadistic, old shit…''_ I grumbled to myself. Then, turning over my shoulder, I grinned at the green-man and gave him a thumbs-up. _I wonder if he has a wife and children..._

''Lead the way, Mr. Bean. Think nothing of this. I'm fine!''

He nodded slowly then his shoulders seem to relax and he sighed as if relieved. I was a little sorry for him for me taking more of his time. After all, Mr. Bean was probably the one keeping the Hunter association running while that old monster's just sitting around watching porn.

''Alright, Miss Freecs! I'll lead you first to theForums+ gym. That's where you'll be training with the chairman tomorrow at 8 am. It's only a few walks from yours…''

The Gym was a spacious room with good ventilation (which was really good and very much needed). The far wall was also made of glass and overlooked the city. There were various weights, bikes, cardio, punching bags, punching posts and dummies everywhere. I eyed the large boxing ring in the middle. _Maybe one day, I can challenge Netero for a spar._

 _Yeah, right. Dream on..._

Mr. Bean led me in a room that looked rather empty at first. Until I saw a long open drawer of knives. My eyes widened and my feet quickly brought me to them. ' _'Woah_ …'' I bit my lower lip as my hands hovered over the seemingly new daggers and knives. They were arranged according to their types and lengths, I noticed. Just beside the opened chest of sharps, there was a black screen. I curiously tapped on it.

' _Select level, - 1 to 30'_

I eyed the start, stop, and pause buttons. With sparkling eyes, I turned towards the silent secretary. He was smiling at me. ''This…This…this is amazing!'' I yelled, my voice echoing. I looked around in awe. From my peripheral, I saw him nod.

''I'm glad you like it, Miss Freecs.''

''Like it? I LOVE IT!'' I couldn't help but jump and without a word, I skipped towards him and hugged him tight. ''Thank you!'' He gasped. I pulled back and pecked him on the cheek before bouncing back to the screen again, tapping at it, ignoring the unsuspecting purple green bean.

I tapped _level 1_ and just like that, there was a whirring noise and a figure of a man, a hologram, created by a laser beam from the ceiling appeared a few feet away. I picked one knife and threw it, aiming at his chest. My smile faded in an instant when the knife fell on the floor, a few feet before the artificial man. I swallowed and determinedly tried again. This time, I managed to hit him but not at my target. I tapped at the stop button and ended the game, disappointed.

Turning to my patient companion. ''I am allowed to use the gym wherever I want, am I not, Mr. Bean?''

He nodded with an enduring smile. ''Of course, Miss Freecs! Anytime!''

I beamed at him and skipped towards the door. _This room will be my private room starting after this tour!_ I opened the door and motioned at Mr. Bean. He blinked, a little surprised before gratefully accepting my offer.

Next, we entered a large but empty room – about half the size of a basketball gym. ''This is a sparring room where you'll train with the chairman tomorrow.'' I nodded. The hardwood light oak floors were polished and the walls painted blue. Two glazed windows was right at the top, more for ventilation than view.

The next was another room similar to the previous one. I eyed the lights above. ''Miss Freecs.'' Bean called and beckoned me to the side. We stood in front of another black screen. ''This room is similar to your knife-throwing room. It is also new. But this room is designed to look like a battle field. You can select different levels. The attacks wouldn't hurt you at all as they are all holograms.'' He smiled and I nodded slowly, excited at trying it out.

''Alright, let's continue our tour! There were three more rooms on the other side of the gym but they are all for sparring. Should you break something, that's no worry. We'll just replace it.'' He smiled at me. ''After all, you are the chairman's apprentice'' he added, a little too enthusiastically for my liking. I frowned at his back, wondering what he could possibly mean.

In the end, I just shrugged it off and we left the gym.

Afterwards, I was led into a dinner room. Apparently, they could just order food from the house staff any time and they will make it for them. Bean said that the chairman doesn't eat often in the dinner room and most prefer to eat in his office or his bedroom. I nodded.

''…Perhaps now that you are here, you can share a few dinners with the Chairman! That way, this lonely room can be used more often.'' The Green man said nonchalantly and happily as he continued leading me on his tour, ignorant of the appalled look on my face.

 _What the fuck?_

The last part of the tour was a library, Mr. Bean's bedroom and then the Chairman's bedroom. I noticed that there quite a lot of empty rooms in the floor. Soon, I understood Mr. Bean's not-so-muted suggestions. It was really a little lonely and a lot quiet.

 _Urgh…Why is he suddenly dropping all these angst on me?! Can't he see I'm his boss' next victim?!_

''…Will you be fine on your own, Miss Freecs? Do you need anything?''

I gasped. ''Oh yes!'' The secretary snapped into attention, stiffening and his shoulders tilting back. I smiled. ''I have no clothes with me. I was planning on buying them outside. Is that okay?''

Bean thought about it first. ''You are free to leave anytime, Miss Freecs. But wouldn't you be vulnerable with those weights on you?'' He asked and I nodded, admitting it. He smiled. ''We have a range of catalogues. If you want, you can list the things you need from them and I'll order them right away. They should arrive a bit later.'' He suggested.

''…Is that alright?'' _Wow. I feel like a princess._

''Yes. Miss Freecs. I'll just go in my office and get them then.'' He said and I bowed, saying thank you. He chuckled and bowed back.

* * *

Soon, I was in my bed and looking through the book. It was interesting but still doesn't beat the thrill of true shopping but _oh well…_ All the while, I ignored how heavy my whole body was.

 _This is training. Training! Think of Rock Lee! If he can do it, you can too! This is nothing! Effort beats talent!_

In the end, I listed five 32B sports bras -3 pinks and 2 blacks, five leggings – an Aztec pink, a plain black, a tribal blue and green, and purple Aztec leggings, a pair of pink trainer shoes and 5 pair of rainbow socks.

I also bought a simple black skater dress, a cute blue emoji printed skater dress, two serious T-shirts (glittered while the other says F* you in pink), a skulled cropped sweater, and a grey hoodie.

 _Right. This should be enough._ _Oh! Knickers! …_ _I wish Gon's here…_

The catalogue didn't have much choices in under-wears so I bought only the simple ones. The ones with happy faces, bananas strawberries, watermelons, flowers, cupcakes… _you know the drill_. With an enduring smile, I traipsed across the corridor to Mr. Bean's office and gave him my list and my Hunters License.

To my utter surprise and hidden joy, Bean said that the expenses will be paid by the Chairman. I grew a little suspicious of this. The Secretary read my anxiety on my face and said;

''don't worry, Miss Freecs, his pocket wouldn't even feel it. Besides, your Hunter card or his, wouldn't really make a difference. You are still granted free access from the shop.'' I blinked and fought the manic grin itching to cover half of my face. _Alright!_

With a smile, I left Bean to read through and send my order to the shop.

In my room, I started writing my first letter to Gon.

 _Dear my awesome, super cool, super cute, loveable brother…_

 _I MISS YOU SOO MUCH! I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT! My heart aches and feels so heavy. Like there's lead hanging from it. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face! Oh, how I miss you so! How are things there? I know you're still in the airship on your journey back. I love you…I love you! Mwah! Mwah! I just bought…_

* * *

The next day, was the first time we played the ball. I had tried to wear my head-dress but unfortunately, it was only in the way. I can't do black flips with it always falling off. So, I reluctantly let it go.

But not after 30 minutes of trying to get the ball from the old fart, I was already weak and exhausted. Bored, the sadistic chairman decided to change the game itself.

'' _Hohoho! We can't waste time, Gin-dear! It's obvious you find it hard to try and get the ball. So…How about we change the game to dodge-ball!''_ My jaw-dropped, the hairs on my arms rising from his excited, sadistic expression. '' _Hm! Sounds good, right?! Alright, dear! Get ready!''_

I screamed when suddenly, the ball came flying towards me. ''Wait! Wait! Wait! Time out, _Shishou!''_ Thankfully, the old man stopped _._

''I agree as long as you don't hit my face! No hitting face!'' I pointed at him, angrily.

He smirked and spun the ball on is index finger, throwing it casually and easily to the other while standing on one feet. _Fine. Fine. You're good._ I thought drily at him. ''No promises, dear.'' He smirked.

I gasped, hands flying to cup my cheeks. ''No! You've gotta agree with this! You can't ruin my future in modelling!'' I yelled.

He blinked and then chuckled. 'Modelling, huh?''

I huffed. ''Yup! I'll be a model for _Sunshine and Daisies_ when I grow up! So, no. no. on the face, _Shishou, please?''_

He smoothed down his beard. He wore a black vest and his usual loose white pants. This was what he wore everyday… he probably has multiple outfits looking exactly like them. _Old people…_

After a moment, he spoke; ' _' you're enemies wouldn't think twice to aim at your face, dear. So…''_ I bent at my knees and crouched at the floor to avoid the ball to hit me straight on the face. I gaped at him in disbelief.

 _I said please!_

 _You old, stinky, old man!_

Ball training lasts 5 hours every day after 8 am. There has been few instances where I got hit on the face but only a few. About 7, probably. My arms (which I always use to shield my pretty face), legs and the rest of my body, however, they've been bruised so badly that Mr. Bean kindly gave me another jar of ointment to soothe them as well as ice packs every night after delivering me my dinner.

But still, I was happy. The pain meant I was getting better, after all. This was my only comfort, along with those letters I keep sending and receiving to my brother. The journey back was three days and a half, depending on traffic. By the time, Gon arrived, he'd have 3 letters already.

I smiled and blocked the ball with my arm, ignoring how the area throbbed before it spread around my small arm. I leapt to the side to dodge the next ball and then to the other side. My legs got hit when I didn't jump high or fast enough when another ball came flying, aiming at my heavy legs. I ignored the hurt.

 _I can do this. Netero wouldn't kill me. In fact, he's being kind right now. He makes sure to just bruise me and not break any bones. He's building up my speed…and having fun at the same time._

I finally let myself collapse on the floor after 5 hours of endless game of ball. There has been too many times when I nearly collapsed in exhaustion. But one cannot let oneself to rest because one would get hit by a ball or if one is too slow to get up, _balls_.

Netero was really cruel. If he thinks I've been on the floor way too long, he'll attack. _To be fair though, he lets me have 5-10 seconds of rest before attacking sometimes,_ _depending on his mood._

'' _Hohoho!_ Good game! Good game! Well…'' Netero rolled his neck and did an act of stretching a little. ''Thank you for the _little_ _warm_ - _up_ , dear.'' He taunted, almost smiling kindly.

I smiled back sweetly and wiped the sweat off my face. My left cheek was tingling, still feeling the ball that hit my left cheek just a while ago. ''You're welcome, sir. _It's my pleasure._ ''

He grinned and sauntered out of the room. Then at the door he stopped. I instantly fixed my face. ''Oh! Bean's preparing a feast for dinner! See you at the dining room at 7!'' He beamed, eyes closed as he addressed me from over his shoulder. With a cheerful wave, he bid me ''Better luck next time, dear!'' and then left, chuckling.

''If Hisoka's a snake, that one's an old monkey.'' I mumbled to myself and let myself lay on my back against the cool wooden floor. I sighed and waited until my fast heartbeat abated and the tingling all over my body subsided.

Later, I heard the bell that heralded Bean's arrival. ''Alright.'' I groaned and forced myself on my feet and got out of the room. I greeted the kind secretary with a smile and limped my way to the small table he had set up in the Gym, just beside the boxing ring.

''Thank you so much, Bean.'' I told him. He bowed. ''You don't even have to do all these.'' I motioned at the table and the complete set of cutleries and plates. The secretary stood beside me like a butler while a trolley smelling strongly of chicken, gravy, potatoes and many others was parked behind him. My medications – muscle repair and pain killers sat on the table, beside my glass of cold water. ''I know you've got so much work to do, Mr. Bean.''

He bowed again. ''It is no worry, Miss Freecs.'' He said, smilingly and started serving me the lunch. I sighed and waited for the _start_ as patiently as I can.

''Right… But you don't need to watch me eat. Either you eat with me or you can go do whatever you need to do, Mr. Bean.'' He looked like he was going to disagree. I shook my head seriously. ''Please, Bean. You don't need to worry too much about me. I can take care of myself. You've done so much! From now on, you may bring me lunch here around this time and leave it right here. I'll set the table myself.'' He looked a little sad. I smiled. ''Thank you so much, Mr. Bean. But you know…all these formalities…they make me a little tired as well!'' I laughed. ' _'Please?''_

The secretary smiled and bowed his acquiesce. ''So long as you call me should you need anything, Miss Freecs.''

I smiled. ''Sure do!'' _Who else I'm gonna call for help, Netero?_ ''Also, when you're at it, call me Gin! Miss Freecs' a mouthful!'' I grinned and started stuffing my mouth with food, crossing my legs on the chair while I ate.

Bean smiled and stayed, playing butler for me just for the last time until next time.

* * *

After a month of plain and thorough torture, I started getting better. _Well, that's what I liked to think._ Also, every week, Bean developed a habit of inviting the three of us to eat in the dining room and he's absolutely glowing green every time and all throughout. _He's such a sweet Bean. Netero's sure lucky._

So, every Friday, it has been established that the three of us will have a feast together at 7 am sharp.

I still collapse on the floor every day after the game and the old man's still the usual _asshat_. But I always thank him for his time (half-sincerely, half-annoyingly) then he will thank me for the _little warm-up_ before leaving me to catch my breath or sleep/faint in exhaustion.

I didn't fail to notice that Netero's getting a little rougher and faster with his attacks as I get better dodging them. I decided that even though this gave me permanent bruises, I like the fact that he levels up the game to challenge me further. After all, it wouldn't be training if it was easy.

After my game, a bell ring will signal Bean's arrival with my food. Then, he'd leave me to care for myself. Sometimes, I accidentally fall asleep after the game (or faint, _whatever_ ) that I'll just wake up and find the trolley of food in the gym and a note that if I want it heated, I can call him through the phone.

I didn't really care whether the food was cold or not. In the end, it was still very delicious and it was also good since I can just eat without the fear of burning my mouth. He still leaves that same note when he finds me asleep and it always make me smile despite my tiredness. I decided long ago that this green bean will always have a place in my heart.

After my lunch, I spend most of my time improving my knife-throwing skills.

Then, afterwards, I'll rest a little and if there's more time, I'll start hitting the punching bags, rest, eat, shower, write my letter, meditate and sleep. Since I was always tired, nightmares seldom plague me. But when they do…they are as always, absolutely terrifying.

Kaito, Ponzu, Pokkle, hundreds or thousands of nameless people I don't know, _insignificant_ people will die horrible deaths. Either from the hands of the Phantom Troupe, Bomber and chimeras.

Despite how they reduce me to a trembling heap of sweat, tears and muffled screams, the nightmares also kept me going.

Such was my routine. And because I didn't like the silence, I bought a radio, two speakers and various CDs to help me with motivation. And they worked, of course, I noticed that I get more enthusiastic when there's a good music blaring from the background.

One day, in the middle of my second month, not surprisingly, I got sick and I was given leave. I still wrote diligently to my brother. Since sending them every day was troublesome to Bean (not like he said anything about it but of course, it is obvious), I started sending them every week but since I do the same things over and over, I only choose the ones very important. The others, I kept them in my drawer like a diary.

He replies of course. As predicted, he and Killua has reached the Heavens arena's 200th floor. He also told me as discreetly as possible that Wing has been teaching them the basics of _Shingen-Ryu._ I translated this as _Nen_.

 _That's good. All according to plan._

Presently, I contentedly sat myself deep within my red and gold covers as I read and memorised my brother's words and writing. He writes like our father too – fat and large letters. He's also not used to thinking before he writes because my brother was the type to just write whatever he's thinking. The spacing between the parts where he wrote about them learning from Wing was a little uneven and there were some ink splotches, probably where Killua scolded him and dictated to him what to write.

I didn't tell them I was sick. Because that would definitely just distract my brother and needlessly worry them. As expected as well, they had met with Hisoka already and how he tried to stop them from entering the floor with _Ren._ I have no idea what Ren meant but I'm guessing it was _Nen_ related. Then, my brother described the three men they met once they've qualified for the 200th floors.

It was currently 6 am in the morning and not strangely, I found myself awoken by my nightmares again. This time, I was back in the Hunters exam and Killua just killed me, instead of Bodoro and those two nameless guys from the airship. It felt all _real_ that I had to hold onto my neck just to make sure it was still intact and watch out for my heart and breathing to make sure I was still alive.

Even with the chairman's kind allowance that I may remove my weights, I didn't remove them. It was enough that I was bed-ridden for a while. After-all, my brother and Killua were training everyday too, going up the arena and against different and increasingly stronger opponents.

When I think about it, perhaps their way of training was much better than mine. Because I was too tired all the time, I still haven't mastered or excelled at the _battlefield room._ Even the easy level was hard for me since I was a little too slow. Also, it was difficult to fight with a non-existent person. In the heavens arena, you can train by fighting real opponents and earn at the same time.

 _Not that money is a problem here. In fact, everything for me here is free that I'm growing suspicious when I think about it. Free accommodation, free food, free things, sort-of-free training…_

I was getting better at knife-throwing though, and I can do 200 punches a day easily. When I get back my health, I'll try 300 punches and set my knife-throwing to level 10. I brought my bandaged hand up and wiggled my pale, thin fingers. They've always been covered in callouses and scars but this time, I've got fresh ones. Practising my throwing and catching seems a little harder with weights on.

I relaxed and burrowed myself deeper into my soft pillow with a sigh.

''I feel horrible.'' I admitted to myself. ''My head aches, my body hurts every time I even move an inch and I have a blocked nose.'' I whined, imagining Gon nearby, or even Killua. Certainly not Mito since she'll definitely shout at me first before expressing her concern and starting to care for me. Maybe Grandmother Abe because she'll just smile at me and offer me cups of tea, bring me some books and sit beside my bed, knitting.

Before I knew it, my eyes were wet and tear-drops were falling from my eyes. Surprised, I brought my fingers and felt my wet cheeks. I blinked again and two warm teardrops fell. I smiled, amused.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, laying myself flat on my back and taking deep breaths _– 1, 2, 3 breathe in, 1, 2 3, Breathe out, Gin.._ Leorio would say while Kurapika would massage my back. _Again, Gin. 1, 2, 3 breathe in, 1, 2 3, Breathe out. You're safe. You're okay. You're gonna be okay…Leorio's here, Kurapika's here…_

* * *

I didn't realise I fell asleep until I woke up from the knocks from the door. I slowly sat up and wiped off my drool. I cannot help it since I can't really breathe through my nose well.

''Come in!'' I winced at the deepness and scratchiness of my voice.

To my surprise, it wasn't Bean but a smiling Netero. ''Good morning, dear! Feel better?'' He turned on the lights. I winced at first before he slowly settled the glare to low.

I grimaced. ''Unfortunately not, _Shishou._ Perhaps another day and then I'll be back, all better.''

He smoothed down his beard and then pulled a chair towards my bedside and sat down. I blinked in surprise when the old man reached out and felt my forehead. He shook his head. ' _'Hmm-mm…Still high. In fact, higher!''_ he smiled merrily.

''I didn't know you have such a weak immune system, Gin-dear.'' He added. I tensed.

''It's nothing but a cold.'' I croaked out, swallowing the cough threatening to burst out. ''I've never been sick ever in my life.'' I added haughtily, crossing my arms.

He laughed. ''Indeed, Miss Freecs!'' He pointed at the scattered papers all around me. ''Letters from your brother?''

I nodded and quickly gathered them all to one side in case he decides to snatch one and read them aloud like a bully. Again, to my surprise, he pulled out an envelope from the inside his kimono and then handed it to me. I held the piece of envelope in my two hands. _Gon wrote again._

But I frowned when I realised it wasn't Gon. The writing on the envelope wasn't his. The writer's letters were cursive similar to mine but it was addressed from the same place. So, it could only be Killua.

My hands itched to open it since it was his first ever letter to me. I was a lot curious what he wrote. But I carefully placed it beside my pile of papers and gave my whole attention back to the Chairman. I kept my face carefully polite. His grey eyes glinted mischievously.

''Not your brother?'' he teased.

I shook my head, smiling demurely. ''It must be Killua, _Shishou._ '' He raised an eyebrow at me for some reason. ''They're staying in the same place at the moment and playing in the Heavens arena.''

He pursed his lips, thinking and then looked around my room for the first time, smiling at the clothes – thrown carelessly around the floor. I smiled, extra-demurely when he turned to me with a slightly raised eyebrow.

''Now…for the main reason why I came here, Gin-dear, aside from checking the health of my apprentice, of course...'' _Yeah right..._ he pulled out a scroll from his sleeve and then threw it to me casually with a flick of his hand.

He waved and motioned me to open it. Hesitantly, I sighed and did as he asked. My eyes widened upon seeing the familiar hexagon that showed the 6 types of _Nen._ I tilted my face to the side and let a confused look invade my face slowly as I read through each of the Nen types.

''Enhancer, transmuter, conjurer, specialist, manipulator, emitter.'' I read out loud. _''Hatsu_ …'' I looked up at Netero, awaiting an explanation. He only smiled, mysteriously and stood up.

''Alright!'' He clapped, back to his usual foolishly happy façade. ''Read through the scrolls, dear! To keep you entertained here…'' He walked towards the door with a bounce in his step. ''Ah!'' he raised a finger. ''I need you to remove those weights now, dear. I commend you for your determination but you see… I think I might have given you the wrong set!''

My jaw dropped, my face crumpling in confusion and then indignation. _Whaaaat?!_

'' _Hohohoho!_ I'll have the new ones delivered! Get well soon, dear!''

The door closed and his evil laugh echoed and seeped in through the gaps of my double doors. I let my shoulders slump in defeat. _''_ How cruel…'' I groaned and heavily removed my shackles and the vest.

* * *

After grumbling and scowling by myself, I tried to take away my thoughts from the chairman by reading Killua's letter. I eagerly ripped the envelope and unfolded the crisp paper.

 _Dear Airhead,_

 _Are you stronger than the Chairman, yet, or are you crying like a baby by yourself again? Gon has probably told you we're now in the 200th floors now. We've been accosted by three weirdos – Gido, Sadaso and this other guy on a wheelchair. Gon's scheduled to fight Gido. He has those spinning tops and he looks like one too. Tche. Gon could take him easily._

 _Wing's been teaching us Shingen-Ryu which apparently was founded by that old geezer. Then you should know what I'm talking about. If not, stuuupid! You're lost!_

 _Now, the reason why I even bothered writing to you. That time in the women's toilets, it was Hisoka, wasn't it? You stupid airheaded idiot! You could have told us! Or me, if you didn't want Gon to know! Still…I think, he knows already._

 _Hisoka initially blocked our way to the 200th floor. He mentioned you, looking for you, actually. Then, when we said you left, he was obviously shocked that his evil aura dropped. It was funny, actually - the way his face fell, that is. Well, he recovered quickly though so we weren't able to sneak past him._

 _That's all. Well, see you._

 _Don't push yourself too hard._

 _Killua._

I let out a giggle and re-read his letter. I could almost hear him from every word he wrote. It all screamed Killua. I laughed, imagining Hisoka's face. _That snake's probably been waiting for another chance to bully me. Ha! I wonder where he thinks I've been. Does he know? I haven't really been out in a month or so… My daily dose of sun comes only from the windows…_

I shrugged and slipped the papers inside my duvet as I laid in bed to rest once again, clutching them against my chest.

Three knocks sounded from the door. ''Miss Gin? Are you awake?''

I propped myself up. ''Yes!''

The door opened. ''Would you like to eat breakfast, Miss Gin? I have rice porridge here.'' He said. My eyes widened and nodded eagerly. _I love rice porridge!_

* * *

 _AN: Any other procrastinators out there? I am thy Queen. Passing my driving's so hard. Urgh! Gin has fallen ill. I think she got a little bit enthusiastic with training there. Hope you like the chapter. Then... See you! I freaking miss Gon and Killua already... ahahha Poor Gin's homesick and suffering from recurring nightmares. Netero's an old mischievous monkey. Apparently, he gave her 'the wrong set of weights'. Yeah, right..._


	32. Chapter 29 - Evanescence

**Chapter 28 – Evanescence**

 _''_ _Bid my blood to run before I come undone. Save me from the nothing I've become.'' ~ Amy Lee_

* * *

''Oooh! Breakfast in bed! Never had this before!'' I said happily, clapping my hands.

Bean chuckled and placed the warm porridge in front of me. I inhaled its delicious scent and felt my mouth water. There were slices of egg carefully arranged on top of the rice porridge too and a sprinkle of spring onion. I turned to Bean with a beaming smile. ''Thank you so much, Mr. Bean! Are you not gonna eat with me? Have you had yours?''

He nodded. ''I already had my breakfast, Miss Gin. Thank you.'' He motioned at the food. ''Careful, it's a little hot—''

''Owohhhhh….Uhm… _Blehhh''_ '' I quickly swallowed the hot stuff and downed a cold glass of water. I moaned, sticking my burning tongue out. _Fuckkk, that hurts…_ Bean muffled his laugh.

''I'm sorry, Miss Gin. He coughed and then pulled out a familiar duffel bag from the trolley's second shelf. He dragged it on the floor just beside my bedside table. ''Alright. This is your new set of weights.'' He said with a smile. ''They are lighter than the ones you had.'' He added.

I grimaced. ''Really… He really gave me the _wrong set, huh...''_ I said drily, staring off into space and imagining Netero's evil laughing face. From my peripheral, I saw Bean shyly scratch his green cheek, fidgeting. I turned towards him with a smile. ''It's alright though. I like it.''

Bean blinked at me with a bewildered expression on his face. I grinned. ''I guess I'm a little…'' I neared my index and thumb together then peered in between with one eye. ''…a little bit of a masochist.'' I added. His lips twitched before smiling widely and nodding.

''Alright, then. That's…that's good to hear, Miss Gin.'' He laughed a little, scratching his cheek again. ''He grows on you, doesn't he?'' he asked, rhetorically. _What?_

I forced myself to stay smiling. ''Alright. Please don't forget your medicines, Miss Gin and have plenty of sleep. Should you need—''

''—anything, I'll call Mr. Bean.'' I cut in. The Secretary bowed with a smile. I bowed my head back and then he left the room quietly.

''Poor guy probably has lots of works to do.'' I said to myself, pitying the loyal green bean. ''…And that old monkey's not growing on me! _Urgh!_ I'm _not that_ much of a masochist! And why am I talking to myself again?'' I groaned.

''No…no…no…I can't be growing nuts yet… _Urgh…_ '' I took a spoonful of porridge and tried to remove the growing scowl off my face as I tried removing Netero's smug face out of my head.

* * *

After my breakfast, I decided to read through the scrolls. The next page was about the aspects and properties of Nen.

' _'_ _Aura_ _(_ _オーラ_ _) – the life energy produced by all living things that is crucial for survival. All the parts of the body has a tendency to flow together and thus, create a mass of energy. This phenomena occurs without the individual's awareness and typically results to leaking of one's aura. If one was to lose their entire aura, it would be equivalent to losing all their life energy and thus, is very dangerous. The aura nodes are the pores on our bodies at which our aura can leak out. The control of these nodes is the first step to master Nen.''_ I read the writings out loud just because I can.

Apparently, the long and easy way to control and use Nen is through meditations. _Which was what I've done._ Gon and Killua, on the other hand, having no previous knowledge of _Nen,_ would have already done the _Initiation –_ the dangerous way. _As expected of them._

What I was most interested at were the _four major principles of Nen –_ Ten, Zetsu, Ren, and Hatsu and the advanced techniques.

 _Hm…I see. So, what I've always been doing from my meditations was Ten._ My eyes widened. ''Ten maintains youthful vigor and reduces one's aging.'' I gasped. My mouth parted in awe and my hand unconsciously holding on to my cheek and fingering the non-existent wrinkles.

 _I see._ I smirked. _I see._

' _'_ _Zetsu was the act of closing one's nodes or nullifying their aura. This makes the person more sensitive to other people's aura._ '' I shifted my head to the side, a little confused.

 _I had been very good at sensing other people's presence around me. Have I been using Zetsu without my knowing then? But I've used it multiple times before in Zevil and I think I know the difference between using Zetsu and just my senses…_

' _'_ _Zetsu can be dangerous to use because one's most vulnerable without their shroud of aura protecting them. Even the most basic Nen attacks can result to huge damage._ ''

Alright. No Zetsu in a one-on-one fight if possible.

I concentrated as my eyes focused on the word, Ren. As expected, it was Nen related. ' _'Ren - the direct application of Ten. Since the user is capable of keeping aura from leaking away from the body, it's also possible for them to produce more aura around themselves without having to worry about losing it. Ren focuses on producing a high amount of aura and keeping it on the body, expanding the size and intensity of it. If Ten is purely defensive, then Ren is typically offensive… …Hatsu – release or act. This is the release of transmission of one's aura so it can be projected to carry out a certain function. In essence, Hatsu is one's personal expression of Nen that creates a special and unique paranormal ability or Nen ability. Nen ability is any application of aura that the user regards as a special ability. A good hatsu ability reflects a person's own character; one can never truly master Nen if they only copy other people's abilities.'_ '

This meant Netero wouldn't teach me any of his _Nen_ abilities then. He'll probably help me build up my physical strength and let myself come up with my own _Nen_. But at the same time, I never really did _._ The Shadows in my subconscious, the floating mirrors in the shadows and my ability to see the future due to myself getting myself reborn. They just happened.

 _A good Hatsu ability reflects a person's own character…_

 _Yin and Yang_ , Netero said before. My breath hitched. It is highly likely that he saw my video of killing Togari. _So that's why he mentioned about the myths about twins during the interview._

''I am the shadow…'' I realised. ''Yin – dark and feminine while Yang – light and male.'' I whispered. _Gon…_ The twins – Artemis and Apollo, mood and sun. I massaged my forehead to ease the growing wrinkles there. Not liking where my thoughts were going, I continued reading through the advanced techniques of Nen – _Gyo, In, En, Shu, Ken, Ko, Ryu._

'' _…_ _There are 6 types of aura and every individual is born having one of these six different aura types. Upon learning one's aura type, a student of Nen can set about learning to apply the technique in a unique wat that suits their personality, which can develop into a unique skill. Water divination is the most popular and simplest way of discovering one's Nen. The divination requires one to float a leaf atop of glass of water then the student of Nen will place their hands around the glass and perform Ren. If the volume of water changes, the user is an Enhancer, if it is the taste, the user is a transmuter, impurities mean the user is a conjurer, a colour change means the user is an emitter, if the leaf moves on the water's surface, the user is a manipulator, and if a completely different change occurs, the user is a specialist._ ''

 _I wonder which one is me…_

I removed the heavy covers off me and arranged the bed by fluffing up my pillows behind my back and piling up the papers neatly on one side. I crossed my legs and tried to get comfortable. I sighed, unsuccessful. What I need is a hard floor, I decided and maybe a little bit of sun's heat.

So, I crawled off the bed and shakily stood up into my unshackled legs. Then, I limped my way to the draped window where the muffled sounds of the city was coming from. I laughed a little at myself because I walked like a penguin. My whole body felt very light but very sore. It felt like I may float up at any moment without the weights holding me down. I glanced over the new set of weights, thinking about putting them on now.

 _I have a feeling I might feel better with them on…_ I thought. _How strange is that?_

Anyhow, eventually I decided that perhaps I should give myself a break. So I trekked the small distance between the bed and the window without them.

I pulled the curtains back and immediately turned away from the sudden glare of the sun. Opening the windows, I inhaled the fresh morning air as it caressed my face gently and basked in the warm sun, tilting my head back and sideways and arching towards its warmth like a cat. I let myself purr in content. High above from the ground, the smell of car fumes were gone. Here at the very top, the air was crisper and cleaner.

Before I knew it, my bare feet had left the floor and my hands were easily carrying me up from the window sill. I looked down on my relaxed arms and my lips slowly curled up into a Cheshire grin.

 _It must be the weights…They really made me strong. Thanks Old Monkey!_

A very bold and risky idea popped in my head. That is, will I be able to lift myself up with my two hands on this ledge with my feet up and dangling on the air right here and now?

Instead of dismissing the idea, my suddenly adventurous mind actually put in into consideration. After all, I felt strangely light. So, maybe I can pull it off. A part of me was horrified at this whilst the rebellious one was feeling a little arrogant that yes, we could actually pull it off and the we wouldn't know until I tried… _which sounds like something from a self-help guide or something…_

In retaliation, my logical mind flashed an image of me falling down 300th stories high from the sky to the white pavement down.

''Ah… _Hahaha_ …Nah…'' I waved, trying to dissolve the image of a bloody mush of scrambled flesh and organs on the pristine white pavement of the Hunters' Association. '' _Ha-ha…_ maybe next time somewhere…nearer from the ground…''

I watched as more and more people passed to and fro, milling about, setting up stools, checking out stools, driving past, getting on public transport, getting off public transports…

I sighed and swiftly sat on the ledge. I crossed my legs, my back towards my silent room. I took a deep breath through my mouth and ignored the urge to find another tissue to blow my nose. _Oh stop it! You've dilly-dallied too much,_ I reprimanded myself. _What's next? You need the toilet?_

 _Hm… Now that you mentioned…SHUT UP! CONCENTRATE!_ I slowly entered my subconscious.

Sighing, I felt myself smile as my aura nodes opened and my _Nen_ flowed out easily, enveloping me in a shroud of anti-ageing formula that's much better than any other cream out there. I chuckled. _I see. I see. Hohoho! From now on, I'll use Ten!_

I don't know how long I sat down on the windows ledge contented in just maintaining my _Ten._ Soon enough, I got bored and decided to try _Zetsu._ As soon as I did, however, I thought of Netero. Being the chairman means he must be the strongest. Thus, he would be able to undoubtedly sense what I'm doing or sense that my aura has disappeared. In the end, I figured that it doesn't matter. Netero was very smart, despite the foolish persona he wears all the time. In fact, strong people would be better at hiding their true strength. I think I've heard Killua mention that before. _I'll write back to him later. That catfish misses me. He just won't admit it. Awh! I suddenly wanna tackle and pepper him with kisses._

I breathed deep in and out, trying to locate Netero's aura. He would definitely be in his office right now…

I imagined myself out of my double doors and floated my way across the deserted red and gold hallway to the security-guarded door. The wall sconces were bright and golden, lighting the otherwise dim corridor faithfully. I reached out and touched the locked door, it rippled and I fell into it softly and gently like submerging one's self into water. I found myself in the white-tiled hallway. It was empty, nothing unorthodox. The Chairman rarely receive personal appointments after all and any important papers were sent through the vacuum pipes or faxed to Bean. I reached the secretary's olive green door first. Peering through the glass, I can almost make out the interior of Beans office – with tall shelves filled with books, stacks of papers on his desk, a computer, two telephones - one exclusively for the 300th floor while the other from the rest of the association's, labelled drawers…

I leaned in closer. He was busy typing something with his eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration.

 _''_ _Snooping, dear?''_ I turned over my shoulder towards the voice. I found myself before a smiling Netero. As usual, he wore his white and blue Kimono plus his wooden sandals. He had both his hands together, hidden underneath his long sleeves. I tilted my head to the side, confused.

 _He can see me?_ I wondered. Curious, I leaned towards his smiling face but he remained still. I circled around his relaxed from, still gliding on air. _''Can you see me?'_ ' I asked.

He tilted his head back and let out a joyful laugh. ''Well, of course dear.'' I floated until we were head-to-head with each other.

''… _How_?'' I wondered.

His eyes opened, sharp and grey. ''…Well, you are right here, aren't you Gin-dear?'' His voice deepened as if threatening. I blinked, feeling like there's something deeply wrong with me.

I turned to one side and my eyes widened when my eyes caught my reflection from the see-through glass on Bean's closed door.

There I was; a floating liquid of shadows shaping the entirety my being. I kicked through air, realising I was truly floating in the middle of the public hallway of the chairman's 300th floor.

 _Oh dear,_ I thought. _''I'm sorry…''_ I heard my own voice, light and uncaring. ' _'I seem to have…lost control, Shishou.''_ I said then found myself giggling because I knew I should be running away or if not, trying stutter an incoherent explanation of what I was doing. But no… I can't. Because I didn't feel like it.

' _'_ _There I was…practising Zetsu, but then I'm here…''_ I told him honestly _. ''I'm confused.''_ I admitted. I threw myself backwards happily, arching my back and continued swimming on air and started humming. I glided past him and then back, circling round and round and faster.

' _'_ _Hm_ …'' I saw him smooth down his beard as if thinking. I stopped, sensing something wrong. But then, before I can react, the old man let out a blast of aura – of _Ren_ and directed the attack at me. I gasped, flying away to escape it but it only followed. The fluorescent lamps on the ceiling buzzed, flickering on and off. Slowly, I felt heat pricking on my skin and I fell promptly on the cold-floor, heavy and limp. The angry wave of aura dissipated and then all came back to normal.

I looked around my new surroundings and then to my pale arms. My eyes widened in realisation and in horror. _Oh no…_ I clutched my heavy chest, getting even heavier with each breath the air ventilation above takes. I gasped as wave after wave of emotions rose up from inside me.

I groaned, trying to repress the images coming to haunt me again. My hands clutched at my slowly constricting throat. _He_ wasn't here. I knew this but I can feel him. Hisoka's hand around my neck, slowly crushing my trachea. I choked, fighting to breath.

 _Netero found out…he knows…He'll kill me…He'll get mad! He'll punish me. Torture…_ Whip slashing at my skin, burning, searing, electricity crackling…''What are you!'' He'll screech. ' _'Milluki_!'' I gasped, hearing the splat before my brain registered the pain. My skin will crawl, thousands of needles piercing through it. But not really. This was the electricity. I'll try to muffle my scream. He won't like this and hit me harder until I scream my lungs out. Then, he'll laugh.

Picking up Togari and spinning it casually using his index finger, he'll cackle and with hungry gleaming eyes, he'd throw them at me, spinning, circling, full of blood – my BLOOD… I held on to my waists and cried when I felt my warm, soft flesh against my hands. Blood rushed out and air kissed my exposed innards. I jerked up, trying to stand and run away when my shoulder then my leg were struck next. The hooked-bill blades sang as they ate away skin, muscle and bone.

Leorio's voice murmured against my ear, gentle and warm as the sun. _When you get another panic attack, remember to do some deep calm breaths – 1, 2, 3 breathe in and 1, 2, 3 breathe out. And tell yourself you're gonna be fine if no one was with you, okay?_ I felt him take my hand and slipped a piece of paper there.

 _That's in my backpack… inside pocket…_ _need to call him_. I took a deep breath. 1, 2, 3. I exhaled. I was still on the floor. Someone… Netero was standing in front of me, just watching like I was some sort of sick entertainment. _Maybe I am._ I avoided his eyes. ''I'm okay. I'm okay.'' I told him. _He's strong. He wouldn't understand. Stand. Use your hands and pull yourself up._ I propped my hands on the cold floor and pushed myself up on my feet.

I forced myself to take the steps forward. The door wasn't too far. ''Miss Gin.'' I walked past the worried Bean.

 _You're okay…You're gonna be okay…You're safe. You're okay…You'll protect you. You don't need them…you're fine,_ I told myself, imagining the shadows again. This time, I felt it coming. My weak legs stopped shaking as I felt my body become extremely light. Next thing I know, I was walking on air.

I saw my empty room in my mind's eye – the red and gold, the vines, roses and cherubs on my walls, the queen size bed, the opened windows, my scattered clothes…

The door shut and then the windows. Next, the crimson drapes were pulled back in, blocking the sunlight.

I curled myself up into a small circle and imagined the void where no one else can hurt me. **''** _ **you're okay. You're gonna be okay. You're okay. You're safe here.''**_ I told myself again and closed my eyes, sighing, safe and content inside the dark depths.

* * *

Netero watched his apprentice disappear in a dark blur. '''Bean.'' He called.

''Y-yes…C-chairman?''

''Order me some mild anti-depressants designed for PTSD in 12 year olds. Don't enter her room until I tell you to.'' He ordered before walking back to his office.

 _Dangerous, unstable little girl._ He thought. _No wonder Hisoka's infatuated with her._

A slow grin appeared on his face. Give that girl training and she'll become strong, he thought. Maybe when the time comes, she'll make herself a worthy sparring partner.

That is, if she manages to stay alive and sane.

''Well…the mad ones are always better anyway!'' He decided. ''Her father and all my other zodiacs are always too busy, after all.'' He chuckled, imagining her father's face should their paths meet. Something tells him it wouldn't be a warm and happy reunion.

 _Oooh…drama_ … He rubbed his hands together. ''I knew I was doing the right thing…having her as my apprentice.'' He nodded his head. Her training shall commence once she's recovered. _Hm… perhaps tomorrow?_ He picked up the telephone and brought it next to his ear. ''Oh Bean! Have you got it already?''

''…Not yet, sir. I sincerely apologize.''

'' _Hohoho!_ That's alright! Prepare the airship for tomorrow! Are there anyone in Zevils Island?''

''No, sir. It has been cleared.''

''Good! We shall fly there with Gin-chan tomorrow!''

''—Uh chairman?''

''Yes?'' He took the remote and switched on the television.

''Will she be fine then?''

''She will! Don't worry!'' He laughed. ''Just as long as you don't enter her room, Bean.'' He reminded him. ''If you do, who knows? I'll go check on her hmm…around dinner time…something like that.''

''As you wish, sir.''

He laughed. ''Well then! See you later, Bean!''

''Yes, sir.''

After his dinner, Netero sauntered his way towards his apprentice's room with a candle lighting his way. He smirked and eyed the broken lamps on his walls. ''I see. I see… Oh dear, does this mean I'll have people lurking around my floor again?'' He whined. ''Rat's gonna love this opportunity!'' he laughed, the flame flickering. ''Mah…It's too early for him to see my surprise.'' He giggled.

Stopping in front of her door, he raised a fist and knocked. It was silent. If he was a fool (which sometime he wishes he was just so he could have some thrill), he would think no one was inside. But he knew she should be here. He was impressed. Such an impressive _Zetsu._ There was no hint or breath of her presence at all. Only the door felt unusually cold. It seeped through the gaps and tickled his exposed skin.

Shadow _Nen_. Shadows that reflect her character as a person. The yin of the yang. _A bit sexist, but go on…_ she had said. He shook his head, amused. She had no idea then, but he had.

To manipulate shadows would be a manipulator's ability. But to manipulate one's self and become a shadow…that might be a type of specialisation, or not. He grinned. _A very unpredictable girl. Oh, Boar! Look at what you've missed!_

He recollected his thoughts and knocked twice again. When no one answered, he twisted the knob and entered. Once he did, he felt his heart skip a beat. Because there, in the middle of the room was a large circle of spiralling darkness. He turned on the light, from maximum to minimum. When the dark shadows didn't respond, he blew on his candle's weakening flame and left it on top of a nearby furniture. He took a step closer, feeling colder as he did. The giant circle seem to suck in all the warmth in the room.

''Fascinating…'' he whispered as he continued to stare at the endless abyss. _''Dear Goddess of Mercy…''_ He brought his two hands together in prayer and thanked her for letting him see something so...unique.

He let the door close and slowly took more steps closer towards _it_. He didn't risk to touch. First, he searched for a weakness using _Gyo_ and to his surprise and excitement, the great ball had none. He grinned, eyes wide and alive. He eyed the plant nearby and decided to pluck a stem of leaves then fed it into the ball.

He let out a soft gasp as he watched it disintegrate into dust. He had let go before it touched him. He took a few steps back. _Amazing,_ his mind told him. _Divine power_ , it added. _To match his Bodhisattva…_

However, he doesn't think the girl prays at all. In fact, he doesn't think this _Nen_ came out of _prayer_. _Oh no,_ this one came out of _fear_. He remembered Togari, Hisoka and her at the trick tower. Lippo had sent the video right after the girl cleared the third phase as the first one to do so, followed by the Magician. The fact that the examiner sent him a particular video even though he had free access then had made him curious. What he found after was a curious surprise, indeed.

But first, she needs to control it. It is no good if it controls her. He smiled softly at the giant blob of darkness. ''Gin!'' he called, testing if she'll react.

Nothing happened. ' _'Hm_ …'' He risked another low level of killing intent. Nothing happened. He grinned. ''Well, well…I think I'll call this, _the ultimate defence_.'' He smoothed down his beard and after just standing near the ball, gazing into the shadows, he decided to sit himself on the soft chair by the hearth, a few feet away. He pulled a phone out of his kimono.

''…Ah Bean! Good evening! Could you make me another pot of tea here in Gin-chan's room, please?'' He wanted to be there when she decides to emerge out of her haven. _How exciting!_

* * *

 _AN: You know Netero, you can't just name other people's techniques...Maybe Gin should stay in there for longer. Netero's acting like a guard dog. Gin has PTSD and the old man thinks he just found someone who could grow up and become one of his sparring partners. This old martial artist is bored. He's just waiting for a strong opponent to actually be able to beat him in a battle (Meruem). I guess these strong fellows also have it hard._


	33. Chapter 30 -Legend of the Martial Artist

**Chapter 29 – Legend of a Martial Artist**

 _ **''** The worst kind of sad is not being able to explain why.'' ~Anonymous_

* * *

Netero woke from his light sleep when he felt a tiny shift of aura inside the room. The change was sharp and obvious due to the silent nature of her _Nen_. He had ended up staying in her room for the whole night. Glancing at the clock nearby, he discovered that it was 12 am in the morning already. He caressed his white beard and wondered how long until the girl tires and run out of energy to maintain her _Nen_.

As if on a cue, the hairs on his arms stood up when the shadows started going wild, circling round and round. His eyes widened and he leaned forwards, wide awake as the ball gradually shifted in size, getting smaller until a shadowed figure appeared floating on air right in front of him. She was curled up on her side; her whole being made of blank ink.

The figure glided down and soon, her foot touched the ground. He watched, enraptured as the shadows receded from her tiptoes up to the rest of her body.

Gin had her eyes closed and he kept his silence as she walked mechanically towards her messy bed. She laid down and pulled the duvet over her and then with a sigh, she slept once again.

Netero blinked, both amused and disappointed, though he didn't really know what he was expecting. Shrugging, he stood up from his seat with a groan and stretched a little. Then, he ambled towards the bed to check up on the young girl.

He hummed. She looked good. Her complexion was still pale but it held a healthier glow. He reached out and felt her forehead. He smirked. The fever was gone. This proves one of his theories - the girl is capable of _regeneration._

 _Oooh Dear_ … He felt himself sweat. _I wasn't a monster, after all,_ he thought. He patted his apprentice's head and left the room with a smile. He crossed his fingers together. _It has been a long time_ , _indeed._

* * *

When I woke up, I felt too weary. I instantly thought that I stayed too long in bed. Sitting up, I scanned my surroundings blankly. I was in my room. In the 300th floor of the Hunters Association. As Netero's apprentice. My brother and Killua are still in heavens arena.

Probably.

 _What happened?_

Immediately, my mind answered by giving me surges of memories, some hazy while some with overly keenness. My breath hitched and I felt my whole body tense up.

The room looked normal. The air vents above still whirred very softly and the cacophony of the busy streets outside were muffled by the windows. My temporary room was as elegant and as messy as before and my brother's letters were strewn all over my bed beside me.

I turned my nose up and took a sniff. _Netero's smoke and Bean's bread, green tea._ I massaged my forehead to ease my growing frown. Netero had seen me in my shadow form. A form that I wasn't expecting to take over or undertake at all. But the worrying part is that I've done it and it came from somewhere I don't… _wait._ It came from inside me, my head - my mind, to be specific.

The shadows have always been with me. After all, I've spent so much time just floating into that nothingness after my previous death. No matter how I think it, no matter how much I do, I can still never understand my cause of existence.

I've thought and thought about it but found that there was no answer for it. Perhaps I was born an anomaly. Because normally, people will not remember their past life. Reincarnation, heaven and hell…those kinds of things, they are those topics with no end. I'm not even sure if I'm really here. The mind is powerful. All of these might just be something my mind made up.

I didn't know I left my room at all and the next thing I knew I was outside Bean's office with Netero right before me, smiling threateningly. I closed my eyes and controlled my breathing just like Leorio would help me to. It was uncomfortable. It was scary. I had a gap in my memory.

 _What happened to me…Did I teleport? No, no, no…Remember the way you saw the corridor after you left your room. You saw it and then the door, then you went through the door._

 _But…I thought I was imagining it?_

Perhaps that was the way it worked then. I imagine myself somewhere and I appear there? After Netero found me, I remembered forcing myself to walk. I remembered the shame, the desperation, and the fear. I wanted to disappear right at that moment. I wanted to go home. To Gon, where I was safe and sound…

Then, I felt myself getting light and felt _it_ pulling me with cold hands. I felt relieved then because I had felt too hot. It felt like hands slowly embraced me from all sides.

I raised my knees up and hugged my legs close.

Then, I reached my room and laid on my bed because I was too exhausted to think about anything else and that my body and my mind begged me for sleep.

I thought of Netero. He was here, I was sure. The thought of him seeing me asleep didn't settle well with me. I've always been a light sleeper. Having someone see me when I am most vulnerable and that someone being Netero or even Bean…it made my stomach churn. The only people who've seen me asleep were Gon, Kurapika, Leorio and Killua.

Maybe also Hisoka when I apparently slept for about 3 days after the Third Phase. _Now, that thought is more disturbing._

I remembered the piece of paper in my backpack's inside pocket. Leorio's gentle face flashed in my mind, smiling down at me patiently, his eyes brown and mellow. Before I back out, I scrambled off my bed and grabbed my backpack sitting on the floor against the bedside table.

I ignored my trembling fingers and inputted his number. I took a deep shaky breath and listened to it ring. _What should I say…?_

''Hello?''

 _Leorio…_

''Hello?! Who the heck is this?'' As expected, Leorio became impatient so easily.

My breath hitched. Even though I had stopped myself from sobbing out, it came out as sounding like a whine.

''…Gin?'' I burst out crying.

' _'_ _Leorio_ … _Leorio_ …'' I gasped. ''Leorio…'' I took deep breaths and held my throbbing chest. ''My chest…its heavy...Something's wrong, but I don't know what…'' I covered my mouth and wiped at the snot that I didn't noticed had trickled down to my upper lip.

''…Gin.'' He called softly. Leorio didn't know what to do. From the background, I heard the sound of a heavy book closing and a clash of papers.

''I'm sorry. Are you studying? I'm sorry…So sorry—''

''Gin.'' He interjected. ''Is Gon with you? Are you guys safe?''

I sniffed. Even though I didn't feel like it, I had to explain. ''I'm not with Gon. I received an apprenticeship…with Netero.'' I rushed out, my hand still fisted against my shirt.

''WHAT? N-netero? You mean _the_ _Chairman_ _Netero_?'' he roared, his voice broke in his disbelief.

I nodded. ''Yeah.'' He stuttered something in reply. I could imagine his dumbfounded expression. I smiled, despite everything. ''I told Gon and Killua of course…we agreed into it…I'm sorry I didn't tell you...''

''That's alright, Gin.'' He was quick to say. I let myself fall on my back, listening to the sound of his soft breathing from the other side of the line. _Leorio's here._

''Gin?''

''Hm?''

''…Are you somewhere safe?''

I smiled, a tear falling down and tickled my ear. ''Yeah.''

''Did you have another panic attack? Are you having one now?'' I could see him in my own mind. He probably straightened in his seat, concern marring his features. He was staying up late studying again, so he'd have eye bags under his eyes. Or maybe he's been busy partying…

''…Think so.'' I admitted.

His shoulders would have slumped in defeat. ''I'm sorry, Gin.'' I smiled again. I knew he would say that. Leorio would feel sorry. Not for me. But because he wasn't there for me.

''Not your fault.'' My voice broke. I sniffed through my blocked nose again so disgustingly hard that it hurt my ears. ''I'm sorry…I'm getting so…emotional all the time…I can't… _Hahaha…_ Maybe it's just PMSing.'' I chuckled. It was possible.

He chuckled too. '' its okay Gin. I've actually been waiting for your call. Thought you've forgotten it or have lost it.'' He laughed. I hummed. ''…Are you better now? Where are you?'

''I am in—'' I stopped myself, suddenly remembering Bean's warning that I shouldn't tell anyone about my apprenticeship with the Chairman in public or with anyone. Fear raked up my spine. _What if this wasn't Leorio? What if this was a fake voice? Ohmygod, did I just sabotaged my apprenticeship with the chairman? Is this even Leorio?_

''…Gin?! Are you still there? You're breathing funny. You don't have to tell me, you know!'' He joked. ''It's okay…1, 2, 3 Breathe in, 1, 2. 3. Breathe out. It's okay now. _Shhh…_ Gin, tell me, do you want me to come and pick you up wherever you are?'' I shook my head.

''No… I need this. I need to do it.''

''What is it?'' Then, suddenly he exclaimed. ''GIN! Are you being forced to do anything you don't like doing?!'' He shouted, angry. Then he added, voice changing to a coo. ''Just tell me where you are. I'll come right here and now.''

''I'm not okay…'' I brokenly admitted, not answering his question. I just needed to tell someone… ''I'm hurt…I don't know why. But I am… I don't understand…I'm _scared_ but I'm…'' _safe here. I'm not starving. The place is pretty and warm…_ My thumb twitched, hovering over the end button.

''Gin…you're going to be okay, okay? You're not alone. I'm with you. Gon's with you. He loves you very much, Gin. We love you and that means you're gonna be okay. Do you want me there? Do you want me to pick you up?'' he asked as if begging me to say yes. But I knew I can't. I need this. I need to be strong. For what's coming.

I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat and sat up once again, forcing my head back. I glanced at the papers beside me. I grasped them tight and held the pile of them against my chest. ''I'm okay. I'm training. It's okay. I think I just over-reacted a little. Sorry, Leorio.''

' _'_ _Nononon—''_

''I'm okay.'' I smiled. '' I don't even know if you're real. What if you're just a fabricated voice?'' I chuckled. 'Well, that doesn't matter. Can you stay for a while more? Just talk…Leorio.''

The other line was silent save his breathing. I closed my eyes and focused on it. Leorio was breathing deeply and heavily like me. Like he was sad too. He probably was. Because of me. _Thank you, Leorio._

''… _When this world is no more, the moon is all we'll see. I ask you to fly away with me...Until the stars have fall down, they empty from the sky. But I don't mind. If you're with me, then everything's alright…If you're with me, then everything's alright.''_

I blinked, surprised when he started singing. Then, with a wide, rueful smile, I listened quietly. Gon's face flashed in my head. He sang like _Ging_ , I realised. Voice deep and breaking as he crooned the higher notes.

 _This was Leorio,_ I thought, silently crying. _Leorio will do this. If it was someone else…_

 _Just a few more minutes…Just a few more…then I'll be fine again. I can't falter. I can't stop. If I pause, I'll completely stop._

Pokkle's frozen horrified face flashed in my head. He was sat against a rock, naked and his skull torn open. Pokkle…who helped me during the Third phase.

 _I haven't thanked him_ , I realised. I…

 _I can't go home. Not yet._

* * *

''Thanks, Leorio.''

''You sure you don't want me to—''

''When's your exams?''

''End of the year, actually. I'm taking a foundation course right now. It's like a catch up course before I can actually study the real thing.'' I smiled wider at his excited tone.

''Sounds good! Good luck! You can do it, Leorio!''

He chuckled. ''How long will this apprenticeship be happening? Do you know?''

''No…But I'll see you when we're supposed to.'' I said. He was silent for a second before be laughed again.

''Good. I'll see you then, shorty.''

''Hm.''

''…I love you, shorty. Take care of yourself.''

''Thanks Leorio. Love you too.''

* * *

After our talk, I moved off my bed and did some star-jumps, push ups, sit ups and stretches. I pulled the windows back and let in the afternoon sun. Glancing at the clock over my shoulder, it said it was 2pm in the afternoon already. The city was as busy and lively as usual.

I decided to have a shower to freshen up then donned my blue emoji skater dress. I giggled, feeling its lively design and colour lift up my downed spirits. I lift the skirts up and pursed my lips at my strawberry knickers. If I ever have an accidental fight, I might have to accidentally flash someone with my undies. I shook my head in horror when I realised it might be Netero. _Urgh!_ I opened my drawers and searched frantically for my one and only shorts.

I sighed after I've worn them. _Safe!_ I sat on the floor and pulled in a rainbow coloured pair of socks. Humming, I stood up and happily twirled. _I think I can pull of short dresses as my everyday attire now._ I giggled. _Yup! I think I can! Maybe I'll buy more dresses. After all, girls in pretty dresses aren't unusual and with this, I can blend in normally! In cities, that is. Not much in the woods, though…_

I blinked, remembering the new set of weights that I still haven't checked out. With an excited smile that made me realise that I really was, a little masochistic, I skipped towards the lonely little duffel bag and rooted for my new weights.

''Oooh…'' In the bag, there were two pairs of steel bracelets – one pair for my arms and the other for my legs. Just by looking at their size and thickness, I could tell that they were _a lot_ lighter.

I growled. _That old man!_

I picked one up and hummed a little in surprise when it was _really_ lighter than I expected. I guess I was expecting something a little heavier. Again, I cursed that old silly git. I clasped the metal weight around my arms and then the remaining pair around my legs.

I jumped to my feet and did some jogging and kicking. Compared to the first set of weights, these felt like nothing.

 _Not that I'm bragging or anything, huh._

Maybe it was also because I wasn't wearing any weights on my torso. _Maybe Netero forgot to put it in!_ _He's old. He's bound to forget a lot._

I looked around for a moment and decided to clear up my room from my scattered clothes on the floor. From the back of my mind, I could almost hear Mito shouting at me. Something about girls meaning to be cleaner than boys. I scoffed. _Gon is as messy as me and it doesn't bother us anyway._ I pushed my worn leggings, shirts, and my underwear to one heap by the wall. Then, I reached out, placed my beloved letters inside my pillow and then smoothed my bed covers flat.

''There! All clean! Now…Oh! I still haven't replied to Kilua! Hm…''

I rifled through my stacks of letters and pulled his out. Then I ambled towards the sofas by the hearth and sat on the floor so I can use the low table as my desk.

 _Dear Catfish,_

 _So sorry for the late reply. I'm busy a lot here. I bet that my lovely, cute, handsome, my best brother in the world, won the fight, right? Of course, he did! He's amazing! Oh my, I want to cuddle and kiss him so bad. Don't you DARE DO THAT INSTEAD OF ME!_ _He's overly cute I know but catfish! He's off limits to anyone but me! And don't you dare, DON'T YOU DARE SHOW HIM ANYTHING DISGUSTING AND DISHONORABLE! ESPECIALLY BABY BLUE!_ _Ew!_

 _How's your fights? I hope you're doing well too. You didn't tell me about your scheduled fights. Anyway, I know you'll ace them. Tch. Take care around Hisoka. Take care of Gon for me. He's bound to get a little carried away. He's not very good at judging how strong an enemy is. He only focuses on taking them down and not if he could. Hehehehe…stupid, right? But so cute. So brave of him… I'm doing well here. Don't worry too much! YES I KNOW YOU'RE WORRIED! NO POINT DENYING!_ _So, wipe that disgusted look on your face! Yes, I know what Shingen-Ryu is. Old man gave me a_ _scroll_ _about it. Urgh!_

 _I can't wait to see you guys again. Maybe I'll escape now and run away. Hahaha! Mwah! Bye!_

 _Your ever pretty, cool, awesome and sexy friend,_

 _Gin._

I giggled and folded the paper. Next, I took out another paper.

 _My dearest Gon, my love,_

 _How are you? I'm good! Have you been eating well? Are you hurt? If you are, take care of yourself okay? I miss you so much baby! How was your fight with Gido? Are you hurt? Of course you are! Oh Gon! Take care of yourself. Get lots of sleep and rest. Always lock your door and keep your pepper spray in your pocket and the knives I gave you. You still have them right?_

Someone knocked on the door. I bit my lip, wishing it wasn't Netero. ''Come in!''

Bean's smiling face greeted me. He looked very happy and relieved that I felt myself relax. ''Miss Gin! I'm glad you're awake! And you look well too! I'm so glad!'' He sighed. I smiled, deeply touched.

Standing up, I gave him a deep bow. '' I am so sorry for any trouble I caused you, Mr. Bean. I hope…'' I remembered seeing my shadow form from the translucent glass attached into his door. ''I hope I didn't cause you any fear or anything else negative. I didn't mean any harm. I would never…Never hurt anyone…not in purpose. Especially—''

''its okay Miss Gin.'' He interjected softly. I clamped my rambling mouth shut and took a deep breath. I straightened up and chuckled.

''I'm glad!'' I said, relieved. '' _Hehehe…''_

''I was going to check if you're already awake, Miss Gin. You've missed breakfast. Would you like to eat here or the dining room? Chairman Netero is eating there alone.''

I blinked. The light suggestion of me joining him didn't escape my notice. In the end, I decided to go and get over it. ''I'm just going to finish my letter and then I'll be there in a moment.'' I nodded.

Bean smiled wider, glowing. ''Then, I'll go prepare your table and call for food. Anything you like, Miss Gin?''

''Whatever's on the menu, Mr. Bean. I'm not picky.'' I smiled.

''We have egg and sweet corn soup, roast dinner and scampi salad, Miss Gin. Would you like the full set?''

My eyes widened and I felt my mouth salivating at the sound. ''Hm! That sounds amazing!'' I clapped my hands.

''Oh.'' Bean walked closer until he was right before me. He handed me a jar. It rattled. He took my hand and placed the jar into my hands. ''Miss Gin.'' He called softly, looking up to me with a small gentle smile. ''Take this before you sleep after a meal and once a day.'' With a smile, he turned around and left the room.

''Uh. Okay. Thanks, Mr. Bean!'' I waved the container just as the door closed.

Puzzled, I looked down and read the labels. I felt myself jerk before stiffening. The plastic jar deformed under my tight grasp. I slowly controlled my grip and relaxed it. In my hand was a jar of anti-depressants. _Of course…_

I chuckled darkly. _Why didn't I notice it first?_

I threw the tablet casually on the low table and watched it roll and fall on the carpeted floor. I let myself sit and then grasped my pen again.

 _As I was saying brother, take care of yourself. I'm doing just fine. I love you very much. Are you planning on going home? If you are, when? I'd like to see Mito and Grandmother Abe too. They'd surely kill me or you if you come home without me. Tell me soon so I can escape. I need to see Foxy. I hope he's been eating well. I love you Gon. Always and forever._

 _With lots of love and kisses,_

 _Gin._

* * *

''Gin, dear! So glad you can join us! Sit!'' Netero called out with his mouth still full as soon as I appeared in the dining room. He sat at the head of a medium length mahogany table. Bean sat on his right whilst I was on his left. The dining room had the same atmosphere as the rest of the floor, elegant with its red and gold colours. A flat-screen TV was hung on the wall, showing a music video of girls working out whilst singing.

''Thank you, Chairman, Mr. Bean.'' I bowed at Bean who stood up as soon as I entered. He quickly walked towards another table where my food was being kept warm. I followed him. He gave me a look and shook his head, motioning me to go sit down. I smiled and acquiesced.

As soon as I sat down, I let Bean place a bowl of corn and egg soup on my plate. Then, he placed my huge plate of roast dinner and then scampi salad beside it. Our side of the table was still filled with food, sweets buns, rice cakes, tea and cold water.

I waited as Bean scooped his soup and continued eating before I decided to start. I didn't know why I did it but it just felt like it was the polite thing to do. Netero was eating a sweet bun with his legs crossed on his seat. Without shame, I did the same thing.

I finished my soup in a few scoops and next, I was attacking the roast dinner. Strict, lady-like table manners with these two doesn't exist after all. I was a training growing kid. Besides, they've seen me eat like a pig already.

''How's the paper works, Bean? Still a lot?'' Netero opened a conversation.

''Yes, sir. There has been reports of missing hunters. I've dispatched some contract hunters to locate them but so far, they can't follow the meagre traces they have. The hunters seemed to have disappeared.''

''Hm…''

''They reported that they might be dead or that they have possible voluntarily left. Ox sent me a report. He suspects Rat.''

Netero chuckled. ''Of course!'' he just said, amused. I finished the last lettuce from my salad and downed a glass of water. After neatly piling it on top of my other plates, I picked up a pink rice cake and contentedly munched on them, only half listening.

''Thanks, _Shishou.''_ I said as the old man poured my cup with tea. He smiled in reply. I waited for him to address what happened yesterday but to my slight surprise and frustration, he turned his attention back to Bean.

''Well…Hunters like to disappear. Some of them never come back too. You'll think them dead then after a few years, they'll just magically re-appear!'' he clicked his fingers to emphasise. '' _Hohoho…_ If they don't find anything more at the end of the week, better just let it go.''

Bean bowed his head a little. ''Yes, sir.''

I took another rice cake. This time, the blue-berry flavoured one. ''How about Rat? What's he been doing?''

 _Rat. Netero loves to ask about him. It seems like a codename for Pariston, the vice president._ ''He's been staying in his office, sir. Nothing much going on with him. Except that he's got his spies everywhere in the association.''

My eyes widened. _Spies? This is new._ Netero laughed once again, his everlasting glinting grey eyes turning to me. ''No doubt, he already caught a sniff of my dear apprentice here!''

 _Oh shit. I don't like where this is going._

''…He sent an email for you, sir.'' Said Bean.

''Hm…What does it say?''

 _He's letting me hear it?_ Bean smile widened. ''He's asking for a ball. Something _liven things up_. He said that our hunters are getting exhausted with the endless routine that we need to ' _freshen up a little'_.''

Netero laughed. My evil antennae instantly caught the pure _evil_ and _wickedness_ coming off him.

''you're gonna do something completely evil.'' I evenly interjected. I felt completely better after eating and the sweet rice cakes were awesomely delicious.

 _Come to think of it, I missed lunch, dinner and breakfast from yesterday and this morning! How awful!_

''Don't scowl like that, dear. It's nothing _that_ evil. _Hohoho!''_ My right eye twitched and I continued staring at him drily.

Eventually, I sighed. ''Well…I guess it's about time you dangle me like fresh bait in front of your vice-president.''

He chuckled once again. I looked away with a disgusted frown marring my features. I've long accepted this fate. If it comes to something worse, I could always run away or pretend it doesn't affect me.

''Not at all!'' He smirked. ''You're not ready for the sly rat, dear.'' He added, making me frown even more. ''Stop sneering, dear! It might get stuck on your face! Then, you'll never become a model for _Sunshine and Daisies.''_

I jerked and clamped my lips shut. My other hand flew straight on my face and massaged the tensed areas – between my eyebrows, my temples and everywhere else.

 _Oh God…He's right! It might get stuck and then I'll get ugly! Oh no…_ I closed my eyes and shooed a picture of my permanently contorted face away from my mind.

'' _Urgh!_ This is your fault! If I get ugly like that, I'll hunt you down and kill you!''

'' _Hohoho!_ I'm sure it won't be anything else less horrifying, dear.'' I rolled my eyes.

 _Wait…What did he just say?_

''I'll be waiting!'' He laughed. I turned, mouth open to demand him to repeat himself but then, my eyes saw something else. In my mind, I saw an older version of him, sitting painfully on the floor with his leg cut off. He was grinning impishly even when he was about to…

''Gin, dear?'' I blinked and swallowed the lump of rice cake left in my mouth. I punched at my chest to force the thing down.

 _Damn it, this always happen to me all the fucking time!_

I froze when I felt his big hand on top of my head. I frowned up at him. ''What?''

He only smiled and ruffled my short hair. ''Hey!'' I waved it away. ''I just showered and brushed it down!'' _Having mushroom hair every time I wake out is a nightmare!_

'' _Hohoho!_ We have to do a water divination after this, dear. Since you're all back as good as before, we'll start your training soon.''

''Eh? But…I haven't successfully stole the ball from you!'' _And what do you mean start? I-it hasn't started yet?_

''Dear Gin, you'll never be able to take it from me.'' My lips curled down in a grimace. He laughed foolishly again and gave my head one last ruffle. ''Once you're all grown up, perhaps.'' He added, eyes glinting.

''… _You_ awfully remind me of Hisoka, it's so _fucking_ scary.'' Bean twitched and gasped from his seat. I nodded, watching how his eyes sparkled with mischief.

''Ah…I've ignored it for so long. But damn old man…you do look like him.''

''Hi-hi…The C-chairman…'' Across me, Bean looked utterly horrified. He stared from his chairman then to me and vice versa repeatedly, mouth parted and eyes wider than norm.

'' _Hohoho_! Really? I must say, I'm a little surprise! Which part of me reminds you of him? You do seem quite _close_.'' He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Shrugging, I took popped the rest of my rice cake into my mouth and silently groaned at the sweet blue-berry flavour bursting in my tongue. ''…You both sound eager for me to _grow up_ and become a _wonderful_ hunter. _Che_! Hisoka just can't wait to kill me. And you…'' I narrowed my eyes at the old man who watched me silently and thoughtfully. ''…Sadly, probably too.'' I shrugged again and picked up another blue-berry rice cake. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Bean reaching uncertainly out to me. He jerked his head towards the chairman then to me, utterly confused of what he should do.

' _'_ _Mah_ …'' I waved, looking down at my half eaten cake. ''Death is certain. Time is not!''

''Very nicely said, Miss Freecs!'' Netero praised, clapping his hands. I smirked and tilted my chin up haughtily.

''Of course. I'm just so full of wisdom.'' I waggled my eyebrows and smirked at Bean. ''Every time I open my mouth, nothing comes out but pure wit and wisdom!''

Bean's smiling lips twitched and he looked down shyly. His tensed shoulders relaxed. Netero just chuckled and ruffled my hair again. I groaned and moved my seat further away. I smoothed my nest-like hair.

'' _Urgh!_ Don't do that! It's ruining my hair!''

''However more so?''

''…What?''

As norm, Bean continued eating his own cake with a small smile whilst Netero scrutinised me, his face and aura completely unreadable. What the old man cannot shield from me however, was the ever present mischievous glint of his grey eyes.

My ears perked as the sound of trumpets, applause and a familiar pop song sounded from the TV. ''Old man.'' I pointed at the TV. ''…Look your favourite show.'' I said just as the bikini clad girls started parading out onto the floor. As expected, the old man turned, excited and grinning at the screen.

 _''_ _Oooh! It's started!_ '' His calloused hands made a scratching noise as he rubbed them together.

I shook my head and addressed Bean. ''Hey, Mr. Bean, why won't you sit here beside me so you can watch too?'' I suggested. As a result, Bean blushed purple.

''Thank you, Miss Gin. But I am very content here.'' He bowed slightly.

I raised my eyebrows. _Awh… He's shy!_ I hid my smirk and shrugged. I shifted my eyes to Netero who did the same thing. _You cruel girl,_ his eyes seem to say.

 _Tche. Speak for yourself._ I replied.

* * *

''Alright, dear! How about try _Ren_!'' Netero said as he sat down his white leather sofa. After dinner, Bean ushered us out of the dinner room. I hesitantly let the secretary clear out the plates, feeling a little bad for letting him do it. He was a secretary. Not our maid. But it seemed like it has become a part of his job description. I followed a whistling Netero towards his office.

I sat across him with a table between us. I looked down at the full glass of water on the table with a leaf on top. _Water divination_ , I thought.

 _Ren…_ The offensive version of _Ten._ It increases durability and strength of the person and provides a large pool of aura for any advanced techniques or Hatsu one decides to use. Ren is the application of more aura around one's body without the risk of losing them.

''…Something wrong, dear?'' he asked.

I met his eyes. ''I've never done _Ren_ before…At least I don't think so.'' I admitted. His answering smirk was not abnormal. In fact, it was highly expected.

''What do you know about it from the scroll? You've read it, haven't you, dear?'' he asked. My eye twitched at the slight edge that joined his tone. _Someone's a little strict!_

''Of course! Ren is the offensive version of _Ten_. It's applying more aura around your body without the risk of losing it…Ah. Okay, then. I think I know now how to do it.'' I realised.

 _I've used Nen multiple times when fighting. I've used it before when focusing my aura around my fist and legs to boost my power and speed. This was actually an advanced technique called Ko. So, I've been doing Ren before without my knowing it was Ren._

I smirked. _Aren't I a little genius?_

I kneeled and placed my hands around the glass. I gulped, getting excited. I wanted to be a specialist, of course. Why?

Well, it's _special,_ right? Everyone likes being **special**!

''Alright! Here I come!'' I took a deep breath in.

''Do it slowly, dear. Not too sudden or you'd—''

 _CRACK!_ _SHING! CLACK!_

''Hm.''

''…Ooops! Sorry, _Shishou.''_ I bit my fingers. He just sighed and looked for another glass in the room. I stood up and plucked a leaf off a nearby plant. '' Thanks!'' I whispered to it.

Just beside the shattered glass, Netero placed a new glass of water. I dropped the leaf in the middle with an apologetic smile.

''Slowly now, dear.''

'''Kay...''

I bit my lip in concentration. Slowly, I used _Ten_ and then slowly pushed my aura towards my hands. The soft shrilling noise became louder as time passed.

''Very good control, dear.'' I smiled, blushing at his once-in-a-blue-moon praise.

 _Shhh.._.

I frowned and peered closer at the glass. '' Concentrate, dear. Don't get too close and don't falter.'' I leaned back and watched as the glass before me gradually disintegrate, starting from its sides then to the rest of its body. The shushing noise continued until the last piece of glass turned to dust.

''…Well, I guess that concludes your ability, my dear.'' Said the old man merrily. ''Specialist!'' He clapped his hands, beaming at me, eyes twinkling. Sometimes, I think his eyes had a mind of their own. I just can't read them.

I let my lips smile, slightly glad I received what I initially wanted. Even though the result of the divination seemed a little bit morbid for me.

''…That looked so depressing!'' I cried out. '' _Shishou!_ WHAT THE HELL? DUST? Seriously?'' I stood up, completely dismayed.

''Why didn't it end up turning to fireworks or something more…more… _happy_!'' I angrily pointed at the small mound of dust on the table.

The chairman propped an elbow on his arm rest and held one side of his face as he appraised me. ''Well…dear, you see…We can't control the nature of the divination. It just happened to happen like that, dear.'' I crossed my arms and let myself fall on my chair, pouting. He chuckled for a bit until I shot him a glare. He clamped his smiling mouth shut. ''…It must be hard for your…eccentric nature.''

 _Eccentric?_

''Why did that feel like an insult? Eccentric is good! Eccentric is awesome! Eccentric is cool! It's all about individuality nowadays! The more unique you are, the cooler you look!'' I informed him. My smug smile fell however upon remembering the dusts. ''But still…I wish it had a little bit more of a flare! Some kind of _boom!_ '' I shook my hands to emphasise.

''I, on the other hand, is very glad there's no…'' he shook his hands as if to copy me. '' _Boom!''_

Sighing, I raised my feet and rested it on my right arm-chair whilst I reclined on the other. ''Well…I guess I can't have everything in the world.''

'' _Hohoho!_ True, dear. It's up to you to take hold of your happiness.'' I stiffened and turned my eyes to his sharp ones.

I tried to smile but it may have looked like a grimace. ''…It sounds so bad when you say it like that.'' I dangled my little legs. ''Can't I make my own happiness, instead?'' I asked innocently. But then I quietly congratulated myself when I caught the miniscule slackening of his jaw and the very tiny widening of his eyes before he managed to fix his face.

He smiled foolishly as he smoothed down his beard. '' _Hohoho!_ Very nicely said again, dear!'' he praised.

I gave him a smile before my eyes fell down again to the small grains of dust on the table, mixed with shattered shards of glass and water. _What a bad omen,_ I thought.

* * *

 _AN: I didn't notice how long this became until I posted it here. Hope you like this chapter. I bought a book called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies today! I watched the film yesterday! Lily James so gorgeous! How about you guys? What other book/s are you reading? Thanks for all your support and reviews. The training is just starting, Gin! I'm missing the boys too..._


	34. Chapter 31 - Beauty in Darkness

**Chapter 31 – Beauty in darkness**

 _''_ _And I was in the darkness, so it was darkness I became.''~ Unknown._

* * *

''More power, dear. You're fast, I know. But if you tickling me like that it won't do anything.'' I growled and fisted my right hand. Of course, he saw this and shifted his stance to block it.

 _If I punch him, I'll leave my left side open, then he'll strike,_ I thought so I tensed my legs and with all my power, I leaped off the forest ground, aiming to side-kick him in the head, instead.

As expected, the old martial artist dodged right on time. I used this to clamp my leg on his shoulder and twisted myself so I ended up siting on his broad shoulders and squeezing my thighs around his neck in an attempt to choke the heck out of him. I felt his hands on my legs, his grip painful.

He clicked his tongue. ''Dear, oh dear. I would have already shattered your shinbones!'' He exclaimed. With gritted teeth, I let myself fall backwards and with tensed my arms, I aimed to side chop his waists. I cried out when my hand connected with rock.

I felt his grip slacken from my legs, allowing me to slip off, and leaping back to give us some distance.

 _I've never landed a punch,_ I thought angrily. _Ever._ He can make his body harden like that. _How does he do that without Nen?_

'' _Hohoho!_ '' he laughed, placing his hands on his hips, looking so arrogant as always. Old man hasn't even sweat. ''Don't let your temper rule you, dear. You'll die.'' He added sharply.

I placed all my power in my legs and resumed our one-sided spar.

It has nearly been a week since we've flown from the association to Zevil's Island by airship. After my divination, Netero had informed me that we were leaving for the start of my training. With an excited heart, I had left the confines of my room with my old backpack, _Togari_ and my new radio. I'd left most of my outfits in my temporary room and brought only my black skater dress (because the blue emoji dress hasn't been washed), two pairs of leggings, my F** you Tshirt, my glittered T-shirt and some under wears. I pushed as much as I can inside my old tattered and best backpack.

Since we have no house or cabin in Zevils Island, we had the airship as place of stay. Bean also had stayed with us and with him, he brought all his work. It was a little strange when it was only the three of us. Bean does the cooking but they were just as good as the catered ones.

This week, Netero told me to hunt a stag. I successfully managed so, of course. Very easily. Then came the hard part – the skinning. Netero had kindly and arrogantly (of course) showed me how to do it. The stag that I caught was large and therefore, it was able to nourish us for a few days until Netero ordered me to hunt another source of meat.

To say that I've never encountered predators will be a huge fat lie. Zevil's Island wasn't a private holiday island but a Hunters Exam site. I shivered, remembering a certain green anaconda, too long and too big. I came across it when I was skipping through the thick green foliage, glad to take a short break from the old man. I faltered upon noticing its coiled form. Its scales were also green, though a little bit lighter than the grass. The length was probably the size of two crocodiles. When I noticed it, I froze up, thinking I might just die. It hissed, its long form starting to uncoil and slither, head raising up and its dark beady eyes trained on me. I placed all my _Nen_ into my legs and jumped up to the sky, barely missing its massive mouth.

With adrenaline and fear pushing me, I let my aura become wild and angry, from _Ten_ to _Ren._ As gravity pulled me down, I remembered that I was holding _Togari._ I flicked the large hook-bill knives to calm myself down. Just as the snake lowered its head to follow me, I pushed one knife from the snakes' lower neck up to its nose, closing its mouth. I used this as leverage and pulled the head lower than myself. On the ground, the snake's large body swivelled madly.

I lodged the other knife on top of its head. It hissed loud and furious, sending shivers and goose-bumps racing all over my body. I sat on its falling body and just to make sure it was dead, I took out one more knife and sliced off its head, sending blood spurting everywhere like water from a hose. I held the thick appendage to try and control its wiggling.

Breathing heavily, I acutely sensed my surroundings for any more predators. I swallowed and eyed the unmoving head, feeling the last vestige of panic and adrenaline leaving me. Slowly, my ears registered the birds chirping and the grasses soft whispers as they shared their secret gossips with each other.

I blinked, feeling my heart starting to slow. The snake was really dead and the fight was over. I looked behind and observed its long limp body and took a deep relieved breath.

I picked up the severed head via _Togari's_ hilt. On the other hand, I dragged its bleeding corpse back to base with a small smirk growing on my bloodied face and the blood butterflies rejoicing my victory around me. I let some of them kiss my face.

''I said an antelope, a deer or a boar, my dear. Not a snake. I don't like snakes.'' I smirked and rolled the head towards his meditating form. He was wearing his white trousers and the usual black vests. His hair tied on top of his shining head. He blinked down on it and tilted his head to the side, looking at me drily. _Really?_ His eyes seemed to say.

I beamed before pouting. ''It attacked me!'' I pointed at the thick headless neck tucked under my armpits. '' _Maan…Was I scared?! Wooo_!'' I sighed and wiped imaginary sweat over my forehead. The action made my forehead wet, warm and stinky with its blood. I closed my eyes and tried removing the red liquid falling to my eyes by wiping them from the sleeves of my shirt. From my peripheral, I caught red. I looked down and watched, a little fascinated at how much blood was falling off its severed neck.

I shifted my gaze to my soaked doll shoes. With a sigh, I kicked them off and stared down my stained feet. The colour was almost beautiful. The red made the paleness stand out as well as the little blue-green veins visible on my feet.

'' _Well, dear._ I understand your need for showing off but you still haven't got us dinner.'' I looked up and stared blankly at the smiling old man for a moment, feeling a little disappointed.

I clicked my tongue. ''I didn't know what to do with Snakey here so I brought her or him here. _Hm_ …I think it's a she.'' I nodded, holding my chin in thought. ''She was fierce, alright. But _hm…_ not as fierce as expected.'' I clicked my index and thumb. ''Aha! It's a he!''

I sighed and tucked the body under my arm, shifting my weight on my other feet. ' _'Mah_ …We could skin and sell his scales.'' I suggested, while caressing its body. ''It would sell a lot.''

'' _Hm…_ '' was his thoughtful reply. I looked up, puzzled at his bemused tone.

''What?''

He smiled, smoothing down his white beard. ''Nothing, my dear.'' He looked away and closed his glinting eyes. ''Well…You may do whatever you want with it, dear.''

I looked down at the dead snake again and watched its bleeding head. ''…Guess I'll just leave it somewhere for scavengers. Don't really need money.'' I decided and walked forwards to pick up the head again. ''…Yah don't want this?'' I asked, waving its head.

Netero didn't deign to give me an answer. Pursing my lips, ''you sure you don't wanna taste snake meat? I heard they can be quite tasty.'' I suggested again.

He was silent. I scoffed. '' _…Old man only answers when he wants to…How rude.''_ I grumbled to myself. ''Fine…fine…I am going now and get us some other meat.''

I turned back towards the woods once again, leaving a cross-legged Netero meditating in front of the airship and a bloody trail behind me.

''I wonder if we can eat some of those cute little bears...'' I mused out loud whilst I watched the fluffy white clouds floating up the sky. ' _'Huh_. That's payment for scratching my face! Wait… Actually, no…I don't think I can eat something so cute. Maybe I should kidnap a baby and raise it as my own.'' I grinned at the brilliant idea, already imagining my little bear, wearing a pink skirt and a blue ribbon tucked in his ear.

 _Aw!_ I giggled and kept a look out for baby bears.

In an hour and so, I successfully procured some rabbit meat and a deer. This should be enough for tonight's dinner and for tomorrow. Sadly, I found no baby bears.

* * *

I huffed and moaned in pain as Netero side swept my legs and I instantly fell on the ground. There was a rush of air then his right leg accurately stopped by my neck. He rested it on my shoulder and looked down on me, raising an eyebrow. ''Tired, already, dear? It's not even past lunch time yet.'' He looked up to the blue sky. It was probably only about 3 pm.

Lightning fast, I grabbed his leg and planned to twist it but to no avail, I sensed his other leg coming so I had to dodge his attack and let go of my opportunity to throw him to the ground.

My training consisted of physical sparring and meditation this week. Next week, Netero wanted to see me fight him using _Nen_. _Also, did I mention that I am not allowed to sleep inside?_

No!? Because I am not! For 6 nights, I have stayed outside, being bothered by the butterflies and getting paranoid about snakes. I just kept remembering the anaconda I killed, wondering if it has a family hungry for my blood.

Back in _Whale Island,_ I heard about snakes who can remember human faces. That was why you shouldn't look at snakes in the eyes because once another snake found its dead mate, it will be able to see you from the dead's eyes and hunt you down.

Of course, it was all lies, you know. But the mind follows no advice when it is determined to scare you. The blood butterflies follow me around and swarm around me, still enraptured by the scent of my blood coming from my cuts and scrapes (I get new ones every day).

At least, they seemed to have learned not to come close when Netero and I are sparring. _But of course, there are always some stupid ones…_

Even though I was banned from entering the airship (I take a piss, dump and bathe in the woods), kind Bean still provide me about 5 ice packs every night to soothe my bruises (I get new ones every day too) and of course, a full course meal three times a day.

To be fair, I like the arrangement although I hated the mosquitoes, the spiders and the _blooderflies_. I figured that it was a good wilderness training exercise.

 _''_ _If I get malaria here or some kind of disease from these bites, I'm gonna drag you to hell with me.''_ I warned Netero one day after a night of slapping insects on my skin. Of course, the sadistic monkey just laughed.

 _''_ _So you believe in Hell, my dear?''_

I stood motionless for a brief second before shaking my head. '' _It's a figure of speech,''_ I told him honestly. Besides, I think Hell is here.

Netero smiled and punched me on the face, gifting me a swollen cheek and a heavily cut lip. I glared at the old man and bent my knees to avoid the next attack. I jumped back and danced around and he followed, throwing his fists at me.

I didn't know why I was so surprised and hurt after the first time he actually punched me. My poor traumatised mind remembered it like it was yesterday. My stomach muscles tensed as if remembering the uppercut punch to my solar plexus.

In the end, I realised that I may have unconsciously trusted the old man which was certainly was **very** dangerous. That punch he gave me only bruised anyway – badly yes, but at least I had no broken bones. It just reminded me of a certain redhead. It served as good reminder too. Netero, no matter

 _Hisoka_. _I'll give you a free big slap on the face next time I see thee!_

Hence, I have decided that every time Netero lands a clean hit on me, I have died. So far, I have lost count of my deaths this week. Maybe I'll start counting next week.

* * *

''Right, dear. Today, I'll let you use _Nen_. Don't hesitate.'' Netero said one morning after breakfast on our second week. I've already taken a bath from the lake and did my usual routine of jogging as warm up before our everyday spar.

My body was, as usual, hurting. But it had become…bearable. Hear that cry? Yes, that was my inner girl. I am still trying to forget the fact that I have bruises all over.

Today, I was wearing my black leggings, my F*** you shirt and my new pair of combat boots since my old doll shoes have finally succumbed to its eventual end after my fateful encounter with the green anaconda. Last time I checked, the snake was nothing but bones, surrounded by some flies and butterflies.

''…But I'm not even sure how it works, _Shishou._ ''

To my surprise, Netero rolled his eyes. I blinked twice and thrice, tilting my head to the side. _That looked awfully…sassy. With capitals G-I-R-L. Like me._

''You only have one aim, dear.'' He said, placing his hand on his cocked hip. ''It is to try and land a clean hit on me. You may use any means necessary.'' He smirked and shrugged arrogantly. ''About your _Hatsu_ , I'm sure you'll be able to work it out. Once you have, you may freely use it on me.'' He ended with a smirk that screamed _Ha! As if you can!_

I couldn't help but bristle at his smug expression. I was stuck in Zevils Island for God only knows how long. If I was to escape, the only way was to fly via airship. Hopefully, he'll get bored soon and let us go back to the city so I can run away.

Netero also said he wouldn't be giving me Gon's letters whilst we were here since they were all being addressed back in the association. And the post apparently can't arrive here in Zevil's.

I felt anger bubble and burden my chest. _Then, how does Bean keep up with his work?! To have me spend so long not writing and hearing from my brother…_

I growled and lunged for a full-on attack with every intention to mutilate and kill, using my knives and myself to land a clean hit on the old man. Despite the anger, of course, there was determination.

When night came, I picked up my scattered weapons and nursed my new cuts and bruises as I reclined my back against a ginormous tree. I swatted some annoying butterflies away from my face and wiped off the dried blood and sweat off my face using one of my cold towels. My whole body felt like lead and every inch of me ached and stung with each move. The night-air was humid and the forest was alive with the sound of nocturnal animals – bats twittering, owls hooting, crickets chirping.

I tiredly looked around as I heard the familiar barks of Muntjac and Roe deers - some nocturnal animals here in Zevils Island. I wondered a little if they were looking for their dead friend – the one I successfully hunted again today and the other day. Deers were the easiest to hunt.

Sensing my surroundings once again, I forced myself to climb the tree. It wasn't safe to sleep on the ground with so many predators in the island. However, the tree can be a house for snakes too. Even though I've been using the tree for nearly a week and have checked every corner of it, I still needed to be careful in case a predator invaded my territory. I used the holes I'd already dug up to help myself up to the nearest branch. Some foxes screeched from a distance, probably mating.

 _Well…well…well…At least some are having fun every night,_ I thought with a lewd smirk. I chuckled when the sound went higher and higher, gasping a little when it hurt due to my new bruises.

''Woah…Woah…Calm down, girl.'' I carefully laughed and then heaved myself up and relaxed against the tree trunk. I sensed my surroundings one last time and sighed in relief when I found myself quite alone. _No hidden anacondas hiding around here,_ I thought.

I fished out for my rope from my backpack and secured myself on the tree. Then, I placed two cold ice packs against my ribs, two on my legs and one balanced on top of my head. I closed my eyes, listening to the whispers of the trees and the _night life_ in Zevil's island.

I fell into a light sleep, fearing that if I let myself sleep fully, I may not wake up tomorrow and if I did, I might find myself slowly being digested inside a snake's stomach.

In the morning, we will start again. Maybe I wouldn't be so tired then and have time to do a little bit of practise on my _Hatsu_. 36 times, I died today.

* * *

When I woke up, it wasn't because of my usual morning wakeup call. This consisted of the sun's first rays lightening up and warming my face. My vantage point was high enough that this was possible. So far, the sun has never failed to wake me up every day.

Until now, of course.

Today, gone was the peaceful and refreshing morning I have always been privy to since we've arrived. Instead, cold rain fell from the dark skies slowly and more heavily as they dropped. I removed the watered pack off my head and gathered the others on my lap as I untied my knot. After placing the packs back in my bag as well as the rope, I stretched a little before deciding to climb down and trek my way towards the airship's base.

I briefly entertained the idea of sneaking in. _It was still rather early_ , I thought. _Netero might still be asleep._

I started and looked up suspiciously at the rumbling skies. I looked down and wiped the water off my face. I was already soaked to the bone. I needed shelter before Zeus decides it's a good idea to strike me with a thunderbolt. I held myself as a cold wind rushed past, jostling me back and forth like a bully.

No one was out and about. All of them were safely tucked in and safe from the storm. As I travelled through the wet and muddy ground, I caught a glimpse of the ocean in between the trees. My lips twitched, remembering the first time I rode a ship. The ship surfed those tall waves and joined its perilous dance moves. I was convinced Poseidon and Zeus were fighting then. I sat on top of the mast as their silent audience.

A more threatening rumble sounded, waking me up from my reverie. I let myself slide down-hill, splattering mud all over me. Then I casually strolled towards the looming ship. I punched in the security code that Bean secretly showed me (though he didn't say anything about it). Bean seemed to have predicted this happening and made a habit of inputting in the codes slowly when I'm around.

The door slid open and I instantly felt the rush of warm air beckoning at me. I climbed up the three steps. For a moment, I let myself feel the difference in temperature. It gave me goose-bumps. I didn't realise how cold it was until I stepped in the ship.

Deciding to hide before Netero catches me, I meandered through the empty hallways and to the kitchens. A cup of tea and some rice cakes sounded absolutely heavenly.

* * *

I sat on a stool, staring down at my cup of tea with a rice cake in my mouth. I chewed and thought of what I should think about. It was pouring outside, the sky growling every two seconds. But I cannot let my training stop. I wondered about the probability of myself getting struck by lightning _. It can't be that high_ , I thought.

Grandmother Abe said that those who wear red tends to get hit by lightning. I wasn't wearing red today. Looking down my wet clothes, I stood up and rooted for my black dress which was crumpled into a small ball at the bottom of my bag. As expected, it was damp. I stripped and changed, thinking how scandalous would it be if Netero or Bean suddenly appears. _Scandalised by my state of undress Bean would be while Netero will be more worried about the wet floors._

I squeezed my soaked leggings and my fuchsia sequined F**K-you shirt on the sink and then let them hang on the heater by the wall. The kitchens had two large black couches and two smaller single couches near the grey door. A small low glass table stood in the middle. On the right side of the door, was a long white hanging radiator. The walls were white. _Boring... I wish I could paint it with some colours._

I've concluded that Netero likes achromatic colours. It was expected, I figured. Some people (mostly old people) take comfort in white, black and grey. They are pretty, like I said, in the pure and clean sort of way. They were the colour of sophistication, respect and wisdom, after all. And everyone wants all of those. On the other hand, I prefer the warm colours. The more colourful, the better.

My mind flew to Gon and Killua. Were they worried? Has my brother faced Hisoka yet? Did they leave to Whale Island already? No... It can't be. It has only been a week. Last week, I wasn't able to write or send him anything. Gon will be more disappointed than worried. Killua would then berate him because such was his way of comforting people. He'd say _; ''Tch. Stop pouting, Gon. There was probably something wrong with the post. That sister of yours wouldn't miss the chance writing to you. Heh.''_ This will cheer up Gon for a while until the end of the week and the following weeks until I manage to get away.

I sighed, feeling awfully depressed just imagining his sad face. Big brown eyes, hair up in spikes, cute little button nose, cute little pout, adorable chin…

I blinked, straightening up as I heard the door-knob start to turn. I waited.

''Miss Gin?!'' I gave the Bean a small smile and stood up, greeting the secretary with a small bow.

''Hope you had a good rest last night, Mr. Bean. Good morning.''

''I did, thank you…And you?'' I gave him a smile and nodded.

''Very good, thank you.'' I watched as Bean's lips pursed a little and a small frown formed between his eyebrows. His eyes lingered down my exposed arms and legs. Even without looking, I can see them battered and bruised. Sometimes, it is better to just ignore them. He walked past me and started opening up cupboards. He motioned at my stool, I sat down.

A warm fluffy towel fell around my shoulders and then my head. The sweet gesture wasn't unexpected. Bean had always been taking care of me ever since I met him, after all. I guess the reason for my little surprise every time I receive such kindness from him was the reminder that this world can also be kind. _Of course, it is! You've met many kind people!_

''Thank you, Bean.''

''You're welcome, Miss Gin.''

I reached out for my warm drink and held it close to my chest, sighing. I closed my eyes and listened to Bean's quick movements. Then, he placed a jar of ointment in front of me. I gave him a grateful smile and without another word, I started drying myself up and generously applied the medicine all over my legs and arms. I breathed in its lavender scent with delight.

Next thing I know, my nose was being filled with another heavenly scent. I turned and saw the small secretary standing on a footstool as he cooked. The smell of beans, eggs, sausages and my favourite garlic fried rice wafted from his simmering pan to tease my nose and stomach.

''…Mr. Bean? Do you need me to do anything?'' I asked, even though I knew the answer.

''No, Miss. Please rest. But thank you,'' was his gentle reply.

I sighed and rested my arms on the black marbled table. Next, I propped my elbow up and held my cheek as I wandered in my own head.

''Here you go, Miss Gin.'' He placed a huge round plate of breakfast in front of me. My eyes watered from its warmth. I received the knife and fork from him with a thankful smile.

''Thank you, Mr. Bean.'' I beamed at him.

''You're welcome, Miss Gin... I'm glad you came in.'' He said and then sat himself with his smaller plate. I smiled. I've always hated eating alone.

''…Is _Shishou_ still asleep?'' I asked, reminding myself for the nth time to take my time and chew my food properly.

''I believe so, Miss Gin. If he was awake, he'd either ring me if he needs anything, or find us.''

I nodded and continued sating my hunger. ''…Do you feel fine, Miss Gin?'' Bean asked, sounding a little hesitant. ''Please tell me if you're not feeling well. You've been training very hard. It's easy to get ill. ''

I smiled at him and reached out to pat his arm. ''I'm fine, Bean. I'll tell you, don't worry. I don't want to get sick.''

He smiled back, seemingly relieved. His kindness stung a little. ''…You've been drinking your anti-depressants, yes?''

I faltered and tried to smile. _I knew it! I knew I was forgetting something!_

Bean sighed, shaking his head with his eyes closed. ''Miss Gin…It wouldn't work if you keep forgetting it!''

'' Sorry, Bean. I always forget it at night.'' I chuckled weakly. I bent down and reached out for my bag. I unzipped it then rooted for the deformed plastic jar. I set it on the table. ''I think I'll change and take it in the mornings, instead. Is that okay?''

He shook his head no. ''It can make you light-headed, Miss Gin. That's why you take it at night because it can help you sleep too.'' He said.

''I don't like sleeping at night.'' I bit my lip. ''Well…I'll wait tonight again then.''

'' _Nononono_ … Miss Gin. Please take one after you eat.'' I frowned, confused. ''You probably have forgotten it the yesterday night, too.'' He added seriously. I grimaced at his disappointed expression.

''…Sorry.''

''Please don't forget them anymore.''

I nodded and resumed eating my breakfast.

After I was full, the rain hasn't abated but the thunder seemed to have reduced its growls. I already felt better after eating. I made myself rotate on my seat to peer through the rain-splattered windows.

''…I'm going back out, Bean. Thank you for the food.'' I said. He stiffened, turning his head to look at me incredulously over his shoulders.

''Miss Gin? But it's raining! You could—''

I held a hand up but I didn't expect him to actually shut up. I pulled my hand down, feeling a lot guilty. Netero uses that method to me that I unconsciously copied it. ''Thank you, Bean. But I need to go training. Don't worry! I'll definitely come back again if I find it too dangerous outside.''

His shoulders slumped in defeat. ''Then, at least stay close from here, Miss Gin. Some predators love to hunt when visibility is low.''

I nodded and strapped my backpack on my shoulders again. I paused when I remembered my wet clothes. ''Ah. Just leave my clothes there. I'll—''

''I'll place them in the laundry room, Miss Gin. Please don't worry.''

''Are you sure you don't need help washing up?''

He nodded. ''Yes, I'm very sure, Miss Gin. Please come back here for lunch at 12.''

It was my turn to nod before I removed my towels and left the room as quietly as I entered. The wind bellowed at me as soon as I opened the main door. I stepped out, feeling raindrops prick almost painfully at my exposed skin. I looked down on my pale, black and purple arms. The lavender ointment slowly trickled down, forming suds here and there. With my black skater dress billowing with the harsh wind, I climbed down the stairs out from the comforting heat. I closed my eyes, relaxing.

I let my aura nodes open, letting my aura flow out like honey syrup from Pooh's jar. I imagined the floating darkness. I willed myself to _fade_ , to _fly, to hide._ I imagined the shadow form I saw from Bean's glass - my whole self-swimming on air, enveloped in liquid darkness, floating and gliding. I thought of how happy I was and how liberating it felt, despite the absence of any other emotion.

Vaguely, I knew something was happening. My tensed shoulders relaxed and the coldness of air all on my body receded until it was gone. Instead, a cool sensation seeped in through my veins from my heart to the entirety of my being. The feeling was strange but not unpleasant. I couldn't feel unpleasant when I felt this light. My feet left the floor and I opened my eyes. _I want to fly up to the roof,_ I thought.

And I did. Like treading on water, I spread out my arms and pumped my arms up. I glided upwards to the sky and with another pump down, my boot-clad feet met the rooftop with a soft tap. With a proud smile, I looked down on my shadowed form and wondered what else it can do.

Wiggling my fingers and making a fist, I realised that my grip felt stronger. I gazed up ahead towards my dreary surroundings.

Taking a deep breath, I ran until my feet met air and I felt myself fall. _Fly_.

The feeling was something I've never felt before. There was no fear of falling. Only pleasure. It was similar to swimming under-water, except with the fact that I can breathe.

In my shadow form, I discovered that my senses were more acute than normal. My shadowed skin was so sensitive that I can feel the air shift as I tread through it while the scent of wet-earth flooded my nostrils. I giggled and sped up, snaking through endless copses of trees. '' _I'm flying! I can fly!''_ I yelled at the top of my voice.

'' _Whooo-OP!''_

I gasped out as I felt myself _pass_ through a living space. Landing myself on the ground, I turned around to check up the tree.

' _'_ _Oh_ …'' I exclaimed softly and reached out to hesitantly touch the rough and peeling trunk of a once live tree. A soft thump sounded. I turned to my right and found a small bird lying motionless on the ground. Beside it, there were a few more others. ' _'Oh no…_ ''

I took a step back and jogged towards the next tree. I reached out and touched it. It felt so alive and old. It was fine. For the sake of knowing, I tapped the tree once again. When nothing happened, I threw myself into it. There was a rush of warmth - warmth the I missed a while ago. It wrapped my insides with something soft and invigorating.

I emerged out from the other side of the huge tree with a soft cry. _That felt good,_ I thought. My body hummed with contentment and newly-found strength. I turned around again and looked up at the tall dead tree and the birds and squirrels that fell down to their deaths.

I jerked back when the skies rumbled and the rain continued to fall. With a heavy chest, I turned away from the ugly sight and levitated away.

* * *

Whilst I glided aimlessly through the forest, I decided to stay in this form until I reach my limit. This time, I found myself in the thick green part of the forest where the trees looked more alive and welcoming than the others found in the darker part of the island where the trees were so towering and thick that every day felt like night.

 _A good Hatsu ability reflects a person's own character; one can never truly master Nen if they only copy other people's abilities._

So the question was, what do I want to do?

 _To live,_ was the first thing that came up in my head, of course.

 _Kill…_ I tensed up, surprising even myself.

 _Yes…_ I realised. I want to kill those who wants to kill me. _Like that anaconda, like Togari, or Hisoka..._

I want to live and to continue living. I want to protect my important people. I won't let those important to me be crushed by the strong. I won't let them steal my Gon. I won't let them hurt my precious brother, my Killua, my Kurapika, my Leorio, my Mito, my Grandmother Abe, my Shimura-sensei, and those _insignificant_ people, those _nameless_ people.

I felt myself grin before I can stop. **_You want to play God. What happened to going home? These people…so what if they die? They don't affect you. So long as Gon's safe…_** _We're not the only ones in the world._ _ **The story revolves around sweet Gon. Those who died…no one cares about them.**_ _I do. I care. Bodoro... It's my…_ _ **Not your fault he died. He was meant to die.**_ _He smiled at me…_ _ **He let you get tortured anyway. Don't forget where you are. You're in a world where the strong preys on the weak. Don't forget your main aim.**_ _Protect Gon._ _ **And yourself.**_ _Live._ _ **Even if you have to cheat and kill.**_ _Killua, Kurapika, Leorio, Mito, Granny…_ _ **The more you want to protect, the weaker you'll get.**_

I laughed at the conversation I was having with myself. Everybody wants to rule the world. Everybody wants to be a God. Or be closer to God level if one even exist.

Even if not, is it wrong for me to want peace? Is it wrong for me to dream something so easily broken such as this? Something so selfish? Something I'm not even sure exists?

 _Peace_ …What is peace, anyway? Is it not the blue, white clouds in _your sky_ and raining bombs in others? Is it not throwing food because you're too full whilst _they_ thank God when they find rotting food from the garbage? Is it not thinking about what you're going to wear and how you're going to look whilst they think about if they'd live another day?

If so, then peace is the unbalanced state of power. Peace must be the silent war - one that can easily hail one victorious and easily kill the other.

I watched as the last raindrops fell. The forest was silent for a little while, save from the gurgling of the river nearby. Soon, the birds and the crickets started to chirp, hoot and sing. The dark clouds overhead rolled away like old wallpaper. Underneath it, _my_ blue sky appeared. I shifted instinctively away from the sun when it fell on my back like a beam of spotlight. I looked over on my pale shoulders then to my shadowed chest. My back felt so warm. I felt the air tickle it.

 _Mine will be peace_ , I decided. No blinding light, no heat that burn and no electricity that crackle. I stepped out from the sunlight and marvelled at the coolness of the shade. I threw my whole body back and laid myself on the empty air. I carefully directed myself away from the sun.

 _''With the shadows as my shroud,_

 _my fears shall be unfound._

 _Let the nightmares be unbound;_

 _and to my enemies, run!_

 _Restore what I have lost, gain what I do not have._

 _What yours is mine and what mine is yours._

 _Let the night and I entwine;_

 _Forever and never void.''_

A stab of ice pierced my heart. I let out a soft gasp, my hands flying to my chest where my heart thundered in its cavity, loud but oddly calm. I slowly sat up and massaged my affected chest to ease the strange feeling away.

I scanned my surroundings. There were two beavers hiding a few feet away. A fox spied on me through the grasses. Overhead, the birds were silent. A brown-white flycatcher bird nested up ahead on a tree branch, watched me with its small beady eyes. I waved lazily at her lazily as I glided past.

As I walked towards the base, the sun has risen further up in the sky that it became harder to stay in my shadow form. However, I tried my best and stayed under the shade. Very soon, however, I completely turned the _Hatsu_ off since it wasn't just working anymore.

I wondered briefly if I just made myself utterly vulnerable in the day. I shrugged it off eventually. I just needed to get stronger and use my strengths and weaknesses wisely. _Just avoid strong people in the day!_ I advised.

With practise, I am quite sure that I could go around spreading shadows anytime. But at the moment, so long as there are shadows and there are nights... I should be fine.

Anyway, since the rain had stopped, Netero would be surely be wide awake and ready for a spar already.

I found Netero meditating outside. He opened one eye and appraised me. Under the sun, in the middle of the afternoon with no shadows near me, my shadow form was nulled. His glinting grey eyes lingered on my exposed arms which were not devoid of bruises. His lips twitched up and he gave me a knowing look. I smiled innocently and adopted my usual fighting stance.

In my second week in Zevil's Island, I successfully learnt my strengths and my weakness. I scoffed and silently chuckled. I suddenly felt like a vampire. _Whatever, I still love the Sun._

I died 34 times that day.

Netero died once that very same day too. Then became rougher and faster after the clean hit I gave him. _How stingy._

* * *

 _AN: Gin counts the clean hits she receives as deaths. I'm so so sorry for not updating for so long! I've been so busy. Been applying for placements. University stuff is coming! In this chapter, Gin made a 'condition'. Can you see what it is? What do you think of my first-ever attempt at poetry!? Gin is the Yin of the Yang. The moon. The shadows of light. She won't die under the sun, obviously but she'll be stronger at night. Thanks so much for the reviews! DON'T WORRY! I WILL NOT ABANDON THIS STORY. I ALSO WANT MY BABY TO GROW UP. I have so many ideas for this story that sometimes, I just get confused. Haha. However, I try my best not to do it over the top. I hope Gin's Nen is believable. Does it relate to her light/dark personality at all?_

 _BloodySilver - When Netero said 'he wasn't a monster, after all', he said it because Gin's capable of restoration or regeneration. Netero can't do this (but he can manipulate his leg to close off to avoid bleeding out). When he said, it has been a long time, he meant that it has been so long since he came across someone like Gin. Someone with so much potential (for good or evil, he's not sure). Something like that :) I miss my boys... A little bit more!_

 _I'm sorry for any mistakes!_


	35. Chapter 32- A girl's first love

**Chapter 32 –** A dad is a daughter's first love

 _''_ _A dad is a daughter's first love.'' ~ Anonymous_

* * *

''We're going back tomorrow, Gin-dear.''

I paused in a second before I continued chewing my favourite blue-berry rice cake. I kept my face blank even though I was literally having a party in my head. _Oh my god! Yes! Yes! Toilets! Showers! Beds! Escape!_ I hummed, indifferent.

''We'll have one last spar later. I expect you to go all out and try to kill me, dear.''

I smiled, a little venomously. ''What do you think I've been doing for the past 2 months, _Shishou?_ '' I said, twisting my voice to an overly sweet tone.

'' _Hm?_ Practising?'' He smiled just as sweetly, tilting his head to the side in mock confusion.

I giggled. ''Oh, _Shishou…_ _ **Of course.**_ _''_ I bit at my rice cake savagely with a smile whilst we ate. ''Still…I thought you'll keep me here for longer.''

''Would you like to stay here longer?'' He threatened softly.

''I'll go wherever you go, _Shishou._ '' I gazed faux-lovingly at him. He smirked and drank his tea. _Ha! No come back? I won this round!_

I glared at him for a second before pasting a sweet smile on my face again just before he looked up.

''Good! I think you've had enough of outdoors, you see.'' He motioned at my tanned and bruised arms. My scratch marks have never looked so obvious against my newly browned skin. It would look good, if not from the pale skin hidden under my dress. _Dang it. You've no idea how much I wanted to sun bathe so many times naked or just in my underwear! Tanned skin's not fun if it's uneven._

''You may sleep inside tonight, dear.''

''Oh… Thank you, _Shishou!''_ I exclaimed, half-happy and half-annoyed at the conceited look on his face. This old man has an ego bigger than Killua's Kuroro Mountain.

''Of course, I can't let you be in danger for any longer. I hate looking at the dark circles under your eyes and those bruises…'' he shook his head. '' Also, there will be a ball a week from now.'' He added, his tone dropping low into a more serious tone.

My façade fell. _Zeus'_ _Balls_. That ball requested by that vice-president! ''I see.'' I straightened in my seat and pursed my lips. ''Well… Am I right to think you'd finally introduce me to your vice-president?''

He smoothed down his beard and looked up to the clear blue sky thoughtfully. The weather was beautiful again this morning so we were having breakfast outside, as usual. I sipped my tea and sighed at the warmth and the sense of calmness it gave.

''…I'm still thinking about that, you see.''

I waited. Bean examined his rice cake very fastidiously.

''Word has spread inside the association that I, indeed, have taken an apprentice. The ball requested was very much designed for you.'' I raised my eyebrows, slightly impressed until I realised they probably just wanted to check my strength and if, how and when they can kill me. My lips curled up into a sarcastic smile while fire erupted in my chest.

''And?''

He turned his glinting grey eyes to me. ''Do you want to meet them?''

''Who's them?''

''Hunters from all over the world! You _might_ even meet my _Zodiacs_!'' He advertised.

I stared at his excited face and rolled my eyes, picking up another rice cake. Sadly, I've eaten all the blueberry ones. ''Zodiacs?'' I drawled out.

''Yup!'' he raised his index finger. ''My twelve Zodiacs!''

''Oooh. How exciting!'' I droned out.

He chuckled. ''I see you've never heard of them. Of course! As expected!'' He nodded. ''The Twelve Zodiacs are _very_ strong hunters, my dear. Why, I hand-picked them myself!'' The old man clapped his hands once, looking absolutely star-eyed. ''They're very good sparring partners.'' He slumped in his seat as if dejected. ''I haven't seen them for a while now. But! At the ball, they'll all gather! After so many years!''

''How many years?''

''Uh…''

Bean coughed. ''The last meeting was 5 years ago, Chairman, Miss Gin.''

''Of course! 5 years ago. Ah…feels like just yesterday, don't you think so, Bean?''

His loyal secretary nodded. I rolled my eyes and put all my devotion to my beloved rice cake. I squished it, smiling widely at how cute and soft it was. Closing my eyes, I chewed. ''Bean…this is so good. Thanks again!'' I moaned. I heard Bean chuckle and quietly say _you're welcome, Miss Gin._

''And! I have a surprise!'' I turned my attention back to the old man who looked a little bit livelier than a few minutes ago. He looked so genuinely happy that I put down my half-eaten cake to receive the brown rectangular envelope he was offering. He crossed his fingers together below his chin. I looked down and away from his excited smile. His eyes were shining so bright like a little child's. I've seen eyes like that before. From Gon, mostly. And Killua sometimes, Kurapika too, although lesser than those two plus Leorio.

I opened the envelope and pulled out a printed picture of a…''Squirrel?''

Netero's shoulders slumped as if disappointed. I stared down at the picture once again, scrutinising and trying to make out the picture. ''Aha!'' I clicked my fingers. From my peripheral, Netero straightened up from his seat, beaming proudly. '' A Meerkat!''

His face fell once again. ''No? '' I couldn't help but laugh a little at his severely disappointed face. The light in his eyes has been extinguished. I bit my lips, feeling a little guilty. He opened his mouth. ''Wait!'' I said, holding a hand up whilst I continued searching my brain for answers. I have read so many books on animals. I'm quite sure I've seen this before. But then again, there's so many animals and so little books and time to read them all.

I pushed the picture away and gazed at it while reclining on my seat. ''A rat? … No... _Hm_ …It's definitely a mammal, isn't it? _Awh_! Look at those cute little eyes and that little button nose!'' I giggled. '' _Oooh! Such a small little face! Uhm-mm…_ I can just fit it in my hand and squeeze, then it'd definitely die easily _h_ _eh! D_ id I just say that aloud _?''_

Bean remained wide-eyed while Netero laughed softly. ''That, my dear…is a Mongoose!'' He kindly ignored my little slip up.

''Ahh... What are they exactly?''

He sighed and shook his head. ''What do you mean?''

''Mammals, right?''

' _'_ _Hm_ … I think so… Bean?''

''…Uh. Yes. Yes, sir, Miss Gin. Mongooses are mammals.'' Bean nodded. I hummed, pursing my lips as I examined the cute little thing. I've never seen one in real life before. They looked awfully small. _So cute…_

The picture showed a Mongoose – something that looked like a cross between a meerkat, a rat and a squirrel. It had a yellow-brown fur, black beady eyes, round ears, a long tapered tail and short legs. Not a threat. It was something to hunt if there's nothing else to hunt. I could easily kill it.

''That's you, my dear.''

''What _?_ ''

'' _Hohoho!_ Yes, dear. You're now the 13th member of the Zodiacs! Welcome! ' He stood up, clapping. My jaw dropped. _Wait. What?_

''…What the heck are you on about, old man?'' He smiled down at me and offered his hand. I blinked, my eyes shifted down to Bean. He smiled gently but said nothing.

''I see… I see! I understand! You're in shock!'' He chuckled. ''I repeat, dear. You are now the 13th member of the Zodiacs! One of my very important sparring partners!'' He coughed. ''And sometimes counsellors!''

''… What happened to your successor-slash-bait?''

' _'_ _Hohoho_! Don't worry! That's still you.''

I stared, incredulously. He smiled and sat back down, crossing his fingers and placing it on top of his stomach.

''Okay… So I'm a Zodiac now.'' He hummed and nodded. ''And apparently, I have no say in this?'' He hummed once again in agreement. ''Why is that?'' He blinked, seemingly confused.

''You don't like it?''

''I don't like it? Seriously? NETERO! It's some kind of rodent!'' I slammed my hand on the table and ignored how my chest clenched at Bean's flinch.

I controlled my breathing and fixed my face to a calm one after a few seconds. ''Sorry, Bean.'' I clenched my jaw, silently reprimanding my sudden outburst.

''So that's the problem? You don't like the Mongoose?'' I refused to meet the chairman's eyes. ''Mongooses are intelligent thinkers. Adventurous, strong-willed, opinionated, optimistic, _mysterious_ and impulsive.'' I crossed my arms, still looking away. Though I love the description, _mysterious_ and _intelligent thinkers_ , I don't think I'm impulsive. I think before I move. It's just that sometimes there isn't any time to think.

''Do you refuse?'' I took a deep breath, wanting to do it but at the same time… I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to see his thoughts and his ulterior motives. The old mischievous man pouted and fluttered his eyes at me. My eye twitched. _That's not cute at all._

Netero obviously wants me as some kind of trump card. But what makes this trump card so special is that it's not important at all. I was the trump card he could dispose easily. Thus, I'm a card that will give him the advantage of fun and 'fuck-you-Hill!' but also the card that if killed by his vice-president, would probably give him more fun at seeing his enemy stoop so low as to feel threatened by a weak and innocent little girl.

Having me as one of his Zodiacs would cement my standing in his life. His apprentice, possible successor and rival to the vice-president.

''And this, vice-president of yours… Pariston Hill, yes?'' His smile widened. ''He's a Zodiac too?''

''I knew I did the right thing having you, dear.''

''I see.'' I nodded and stared at the small animal. ''Well…It's cute.'' He chuckled. I turned to the silent Bean and softened my expression. ''Do you agree with his choice, Mr. Bean?''

He blinked. I watched as his shoulders relaxed and he smiled. ''Yes, Miss Gin.''

''But there's only 12 Zodiac signs, old man. And I've never heard of the Mongoose before.''

''Well…Mongooses are uh…a zodiac sign too! They are one of the many primal zodiac signs!''

''…That doesn't tell me anything.''

''Bean! Please do!''

Bean coughed. I turned my attention to him and tried to reduce my scowl. ''Primal Astrology signs, Miss Gin. They are the representations of one's animal nature. It basically shows what type of animal you would be most like. Some believe that one's primal zodiac sign is what they were in their previous life!'' My eye twitched in a mix of disbelief and extreme annoyance. Bean visibly swallowed, turning slightly purple. ''Some people also think that the animal acts as a spirit guide…or an animal spirit for the…uh person.''

''How does one know one's primal zodiac sign?''

''…Well…'' Bean scratched his cheek, glancing away. ''Chairman Netero chooses them. ''

''Oh?'' I met his cold grey eyes. We stared at each other for a moment. _Try and say no, dear. Come on…_ His eyes seem to say. My tongue itched to say _Hell no._ But in the end, my rational side won and I sighed, relaxing on my chair. He beamed at his victory.

''I don't understand why you look so sullen, dear.''

''I don't understand why you think so little of me that you think I can be easily stepped on.'' I retorted back.

''But you are and you can.''

 _Well that burned a lot, you bastard!_ I thought. I let myself break into a mirthless laughter. ''… _Mah._ I guess… Still, it's weird that you'll have me one of the Zodiacs even though there isn't supposed to be a 13th member.''

''Well… The Mongoose actually falls under the Tiger and Sagittarius.'' He played with his long, pony-tailed beard.

''Hmph.'' I crossed my arms. ''I still don't like it. Why can't I be a lion or something? Hell, even an elephant would do. Or a dragon! I'd love to be a Dragon!''

''Unfortunately, that seat is taken.''

I pouted. He chuckled. ''Dear… You know what? You're right.'' I turned my attention to him, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. ' _'Hm-m.''_ He nodded. ''I changed my mind! There shan't be a 13th member!''

 _Eh…_ ''That was quick.''

''I shall create another group!'' He announced loudly. ''The Primal Spirits? ...That sounds good but a bit off though… _Hm_ …''

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I reached out for my cold tea and drank it all in one go, ignoring Grandmother Abe's disapproving look at the back of my mind.

''No matter! Zodiac or not! You shall meet them!''

I sighed and stood up, stretching. ''Fine…''

''Ooh…I'm so excited!'' I glanced down at the grinning old man. He was rubbing his hands together. The hairs on my arms stood up uncomfortably. _Hell…He's planning something._

Finally, Netero pushed back from his chair and stood up, stretching. ''Well...Thanks for the breakfast, Bean! Wonderful, as always!''

Bean bowed. ''Thank you, sir.''

''I really hope that you'd let me help you someday, Mr. Bean.''

He smiled and bowed again. ''Thank you, Miss Gin.''

I sighed and gave Netero a dirty look in response to his everlasting smug face. ''You face, dear. You still want to be a model, don't you?'' he teased.

I faked a smile for him and stretched my crumpled face. ''Of course, _Shishou_.''

'Why do you want me to be a Zodiac anyway, despite the fact the group's already full?'' I asked whilst we walked deeper into the forest.

' _'_ _Hm_ … Well… I guess this poor old man just wanted his apprentice to stay forever.''

I turned my head sharply to his side and scowled, not expecting such a... spine-tingling and hair-rising answer. He chuckled, smoothing down his beard and curling the end between his fingers. _Is this him fidgeting?_ I thought, a little horrified. _Oh my god… What is he planning?!_

''I thought that having you as one of the Zodiacs would solidify your standing beside me, dear.'' My surprise turned to a blank confusion. I blinked and shoved the feeling of something twisting and coiling painfully in my throat, chest and stomach.

''…I'm already standing beside you, _Shishou_. Zodiac or not.'' I briefly wondered how I could tell him about what's to happen or if I even should. How more complicated and easy it would be to just let everything go?

''By the way, don't say such disgusting things. It doesn't suit your image at all.''

His head tilted back and he laughed, elbowing my temple. ''What image?''

I massaged the sore spot. ''Ouch.'' Then I attacked using _Nen_ and everything I've got.

* * *

Soon, after all my strength was gone and all my knives were scattered about, I was panting heavily. My whole body burned in pain. Every muscle protested, begging to have a rest. Netero was rougher than normal. If I thought he was rougher before, then today was his roughest. He has increased his speed to near blurring. I clutched my stomach, feeling the multiple punches he gave me just a while ago. Without the protection of _Nen,_ I would have died.

I know now why people hailed this man as Chairman. He was truly very, very strong. I've used up almost all my _Nen_ and he… he hasn't even used his full extent. _You know what, fuck that. He's not even sweating._

''I want to see your _Hatsu_ , _Shishou.''_ I blurted out.

I watched as his eyes sharpened. His lips curled up wickedly as if he has been waiting for me to ask it for a long time. He shifted his stance to stand upright. I tensed, ready to jump away. His eyes glinted again and I knew then that whatever he does, I wouldn't be able to dodge any attack. I tried to wet my parched throat by swallowing but I was too dehydrated to even produce enough saliva.

''Use your _Hatsu_ , dear. You've no chance without it.''

I nodded, not even asking how he knew about it. I've been practising only at night, merging with the shadows in and out, stalking my preys and occasionally experimenting my life stealing skills from old trees and some animals. I've done all this far away from the base. But then again, he had noticed the sudden disappearances of my bruises (impossible not to), albeit he offered no comments about them.

I drew back my shoulders and lifted my chin up. Closing my eyes, I imagined the mirror in my subconscious, surrounded and filled only by swirling shadows. Soft, unintelligible whispers sounded, encircling me. I imagined looking inside the mirror, staring until my face faded in.

I opened my eyes and caught the snake-like shadows slithering around my form. I lifted my arms up to check them. They were still pale.

''You're eyes are all dark, my dear.''

I looked up and my sharp gaze zeroed and sharpened at Netero, even seeing his smallest pore and his faintest wrinkle. My lips curled up into a grin. Looking up at the red skies and the setting sun from the west, I willed the growing shadows to come to me.

 _Come, night. Let my shadows grow. Give me my shroud, make my fears be unknown. Let the nightmares begin and my dreams fold. It's now our time – to hunt and to rule_

I closed my eyes and let the life of the forest behind me drained out. So much life, gone in an instant. I _took_ them. I ignored the guilty pain in my chest. It was easy to do because of the pleasure I felt. My overly-heated body cooled and my protesting muscles relaxed. _Their_ life flowed inside me being, giving me all their strength, their youth, their vigour and their health. I felt it in my bones and in every muscle. I tilted my head back and felt my feet leave the floor.

 _Give me my shroud,_ I thought and so they did. My whole body transformed into a bottomless abyss. _Make my fears be unknown_ , and therefore they have. I've forgotten them.

 _Let the nightmares begin. H_ umans and hounds, clawed monsters in different stages of decomposition emerged out of the darkness, limping, growling and screeching their way out. Those ugly faces strike horror and revulsion even to the bravest of men. The gargoyles with their hideous faces, broken angels with their faces twisted in pain, demons of different kinds and man-eating monsters that can fly - I have seen them all in my dreams.

And the things Netero have in his own, the night should know them. And so I will too.

 _It's now our time – to hunt and to rule._

Netero clasps his hands together in a fluid motion as if in prayer. A towering golden statue materialised behind him. ''100-Type Guanyin Bodhisattva!'' He performed a single palm strike.

As if from another dimension, a bright golden hand appeared out of nowhere above me and dropped. The ground below me rumbled and splattered like thunder underground. There was a cacophony of roars and screeches coming from my… _children_. _Yes…My children. My children of night._ They cried out as if calling for me. These creatures that I feared. Now they love me and I love them.

I reformed up once again. I didn't feel any pain which was strange but not unwanted. Because with the night as my shroud, no one can master us.

We master them.

* * *

An army. An army made of shadows – some humans, some hounds, some gargoyles and some demons – creatures of night. Netero's heart thundered loudly in his ribcage. With eyes wide and horror slowly forming inside him, he silently prayed to God as he killed the creatures she called out of nowhere. But then they reform just like their master.

 _Shadows…Monsters out of Nightmares…_

With a burst of energy, he eliminated a group of walking dead slowly enclosing him.

He fought to keep in the scream rising up his throat when his eyes focused on a familiar figure. He felt as though ice had covered his chest so hard that he found himself unable to breathe.

His wife. His wife is here. His _dead_ wife, killed by the enemies he made. Half of her once-beautiful face was gone, her eyes and mouth wide and frozen in a picture of everlasting horror. Her skull was half-broken and behind the jagged bits, worms and other insects feasted on her brain. _No…She's dead. This is Gin's,_ he reminded himself.

But he cannot move. From his peripheral, he saw _them._ Them who killed her. Them he had _already_ killed.

Finally losing his calm, he decided impulsively to use another technique. He clasped his hands together, making a sign that looked like the number 99. A multi-armed Bodhisattva hit all of them with its palms multiple times in an instant to inflict massive damage. They dispersed and started to reform. ''NINETY-NINTH HAND!'' he yelled again and sent the next attack to his apprentice, mercilessly.

''100-Type Guanyin Bodhisattva!'' He performed a chopping motion that the Bodhisattva mimicked. ''Ninety-ninth hand!'' he shouted again and attacked the rest of her _Shadow_ army while _she_ recovered.

They shattered and reformed and they shattered and reformed. He swore silently. He had underestimated her again. Something burned in his chest and he realised, much to his surprise, that it was anger. He was angry at her. For bringing _her_ up when she was supposed to be resting...

'' _Isaac…''_ his body went perfectly still, despite himself. That voice… _''Isaac…''_ she cried out softly. She stood there 6 feet away from him. Forever young and forever dead. She tilted her head to the side, some of her brain and the insects feeding on it falling off. His stomach churned at the sight.

'' _Isaac…Help me… Where were you?''_ He heard a gleeful screech before he felt something scratch his back. Waking up, he turned over his shoulder to see a flying demoness with bat-like wings, cackling at him with her tongue lolling out. He wondered very briefly as to what the heck was it when he saw his dead wife lunge forwards.

''100-Type Guanyin Bodhisattva! First HAND!'' He threw the imposter far away whilst the flying demon was crushed by his Bodhisattva.

''Gin, dear.'' He called through gritted teeth.

She only laughed. ' _'Sorry_ … _too_ _harsh_?''

He felt himself sweating, the wind rushed in to cool it. When he shifted, he felt a slight sting from his back. Breathing a little heavily, he watched her motionless and dark form. Her shadow underlings were taking longer from reforming, he noticed. That means stronger attack can disable them from a short period of time. But how can he kill someone who was invisible to offense?

He couldn't help but notice the naked trees behind her _. What a dreadful sight_ , he thought. A very _frightful_ ability, indeed. _What type of girl is this?_ A copse of trees and a mass of wildlife had died in a blink of an eye. Gin did that. That little apprentice of his who loved life so much, who treated the plants, animals and people around her with respect and kindness, did something so heartless, something that went against her personality. _Is this even Gin? When she becomes like that, does she still remember herself?_

''My dear?'' he called out. She heard him because she tilted her head to the side.

''…Tired already, Netero? It's not even past midnight yet.''

 _Netero – not Shishou…_

''So you can still remember me.''

She giggled, finding something funny. Her underlings didn't approach even when they've completely reformed.

''I'll never forget, _Shishou_.'' She said, voice softening a little.

A picture of her smiling at him flashed in his mind, followed by images of the myriad of expressions that cover her face before she can mask them. Unfortuantely though, these have been getting lesser. She had been growing more silent every day. And calmer, too. Sometimes, she doesn't retort or fight back against his taunts when she used to. He doesn't like it nor did Bean. That's why he wanted to get her out of the island. The girl needs to go back to her brother now. If she doesn't…

''Ninety-ninth hand!'' He decided to attack her army. They all disappeared and again, started to reform.

'' _I'm already standing beside you, Shishou. Zodiac or not''_ She had said.

He cannot determine if she had grown softer or harder. But there definitely was a change. _Strength really changes people_. The girl badly needs to go back to her brother. If none else can stop and control this girl, it would be her brother who can.

He shifted his stance once again. While the shadows reformed, he took the chance to attack her. ''Third Hand!'' He clapped his hands together and directed his aura on her left and right. The Bodhisattva copied the clapping motion, burying the little girl between the giant's hands. A normal person would've died already. His _Hatsu_ was as hot as the sun. But something told him that his apprentice wouldn't die so easily.

And of course, he was right.

 _Can he kill her?_ He thought. He needed to find a way to get through it. His _Ren_ worked before but this girl had monstrously evolved so quick that _Ren_ cannot do the trick. A 12 year old monster. _Was he right to make her his apprentice?_

 _Yes_ , he decided. _Yes_ and _yes_ and always _yes_. There was a possibility of her dying early if he had just let her go. She, herself, even knew this. But then again, Hisoka, the magician wouldn't let such potential burn out so easily. There's a high chance he would kidnap the girl and raise her as _his_ apprentice. Netero shook his head to remove an image of them together, wearing the same costume. There's just too much likeness between them both that thinking of her as Hisoka's made the old man feel like he had eaten something bad. She'd probably love it. He fought a shiver.

 _It has been a long time he had a good spar like this,_ he thought. He observed his apprentice from a far. She was still reforming. For so many years and decades, he had accepted his enemies' defeats one after another when all he had ever wanted was to fight without bounds.

With this girl, he can do it. He could tell. She may be able to kill him with this _Hatsu_ and he would love to go down after a good fight.

But he can't do it like this right now. His little apprentice was just letting _him_ attack her. It was hardly a fight. She stood there, receiving his attacks without complaint. Unless he discovers her weakness, he was nothing compared to this young little girl who has the ability to absorb life and conjure nightmares out of sha—

 _Absorb life and conjure nightmares out of shadows_.

Netero remembered the mysterious disappearance of her bruises. He had known all along that she had been training at night but-

 _At night._

 _She can absorb life and conjure nightmares out if shadows at night. The Yin of the Yang. Cold, night, dark and feminine._

Sighing, he crouched on the floor and covered his face with a small groan erupting out of his chest. _Oh Gods, he did this._ His lips curled up into a wry smile. Between his fingers, he looked at her. _Oh Gods, he gave her this._

''… _Shishou?_ '' she sang.

He stood up and chuckled softly. ''Are you just going to hang around there, dear?''

He giggled. With an answering grin, he kicked off his slippers. She glided towards him, impressively fast but not fast enough, of course _. But maybe if she removes those weights…_

''Hah!'' He pushed her away in one powerful strike. Her shadowed form flew away. The others cried out and followed their master's form. _They seem able to recognise their master. How…scary._

'Ninety-nine hands!'' he assaulted her underlings and then waited for them all to come back.

Now that he knew her _Hatsu_ better, he felt incredibly better. Hopefully, the loud bangs would alert Bean not to approach the area to call them for dinner. Depending on how strong her stamina was, they'll be here until sunrise.

He smiled when she materialised a few feet from him, floating on air. Her army was whole again. ' _That_ is not very nice, _Shishou_.'' She crossed her arms in a very-Gin-like manner.

'' _Hohoho!''_ He laughed and smoothed down his beard. ''We could go _all_ night until sunrise, my dear.'' He remarked and he smirked when she stiffened. ''Dear, my dear.'' He shook his head. ''You made a condition like that? _.tut_.''

''I can kill you before sunrise.'' Her voice deepened in warning.

 _Maybe,_ he thought. His eyes focused on the dead forest and then back at her. She had noticed it and now she was grinning. ''…Yes, my _dear_ _Shishou_. I can.''

 _No doubt,_ he decided. ''…Did you put a condition to that too?''

She giggled, acting coy. ''That's a secret, _Shishou_.'' He remained quiet before she burst out laughing. ''Fine! Because I like you, I'll tell you.''

He let her zoom in even though his instincts told him to move away. She wrapped her cold arms around his neck and he looked up into the abyss that made up her eyes and the rest of her body. She appeared as if she smiled. Then, she leaned into his ear. If he died here, he would've died a happy man. He would finally meet his dead wife again while leaving behind a son none knows about and a monster apprentice. People may hate or love him for producing both.

''…I touch them first and afterwards…'' she drawled. '' And afterwards, if I ask for their life, they give it to me.'' She chuckled.

 _Oh…_

''That's a secret, _Shishou._ '' She pulled her head back but didn't remove her arms away. ''Please keep it?''

He smiled, closing his eyes. ''Of course, dear.' _Oh dear._

She giggled a little more before gliding around. He felt her coldness touch his bleeding back as she laid there.

''…I don't want to fight anymore.'' She said softly. He kept his silence and released his _Hatsu_ off _._ He slipped on his Geta.

''Pick up your weapons now, dear. Time to go back.''

She hummed and snuggled in close, breathing out freezing air to his neck. He watched, impressed and dubfounded as her followers walked and limped around, searching and picking up her scattered weapons. A small gargoyle handed him her backpack. He bent down and received it with a smile.

He walked back to base with her minions' eyes watching them silently. She was quiet except for her deep breathing. He paused as he felt a shift of aura. When he looked down, he saw that her scarred arms had turned back to its original form - clear, clean and unblemished. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and hooked her legs around his waist.

'Gin, dear.'' He told her to get down silently.

She hummed and rested her head on his shoulder, burying her very warm face against cold neck deeper.

''Get down now, dear. You can't be tired.'' After all, she just took all that life away for herself.

''…But I am tired.'' He frowned.

''But the trees and the life you took...''

''… _Hm_? I gave some of them back.'' She murmured.

Utterly confused, he turned around. His eyes widened. ''Are they back?'' she whispered weakly from his shoulder.

He blinked and took a deep breath when he remembered to. ' _'Shishou_ …''

''…Yes, dear. They're back.''

The girl fell asleep instantly. Her whole body falling limp. The night was already dark and the evidence of life slowly reached his ears. Soon enough, he can hear the soft chirps of crickets and the hoots of owls. The wind ran and played with the grasses, creating sweet shushing sounds. The old, ginormous trees bloomed with life as if they weren't dead a little while ago, although a small group of them, perhaps ten or more remained dead. And aside from the damaged land, they were very much alone.

He leaned a little forwards to prevent the girl from falling off. He turned to his right to peer at his apprentice as he walked back to the airship. It was quite far away but he could always run or jump and appear there in a flash. But then again…little Gin was very, very exhausted. Besides, it was good to have some time to think.

There is this young girl who told him he can take the lives of people, things and animals she has touched. She can transform to a shadow and receive every attack. She can also create her opponent's nightmares out of shadows. And yet, not once did she attack him herself. And she gives back the life she didn't use.

 _What a very kind girl._

' _I want to be strong. I won't let those I care about be crushed by the strong.'_ Netero's lips curled up into a rueful smile when he remembered her words.

 _A very kind and self-sacrificing idiot._

''You'll be a very awful hunter, my dear apprentice.'' He shook his head and let the poor girl sleep have a rest.

* * *

 _AN: Thanks everyone. Do tell me what you think and review. Hope you like this chapter. Thanks so much. HXH isn't mine! Only baby Gin! So sorry for any mistakes! I try my best to catch them but...I'm only human! LOL._


	36. Chapter 33 - A dream within a dream

**Chapter 33 – A dream within a dream**

 _''_ _O God! Can I not grasp them with a tighter clasp? O God! Can I not save one from the pitiless wave? Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?''_ ~ Edgar Allan Poe

* * *

The first thing I noticed was the silence and from it, was a soft continuous clicking. I felt a cold zing inside my head, waking me up from the numbed slumber I was in. But then, I cannot move. _I can't move. I can't move._ The ticking inside my head grew louder. My hand twitched. Ice raked down from my head down to my spine, spreading to the peripheral nerves of my body.

'' _Oh, there it is!''_ I heard someone say.

 _Help. Help me! Help!_ I shouted in my mind, hopelessly hoping they can hear me.

'' _New memories are stored in the hippocampus while old memories are kept in the cerebral cortex.''_

This is when I realise what was happening. _It's this again. No…No…This is just a dream. Just a dream. A nightmare. Why? Why…_

 _'_ 'Hatsu is a technique for manipulating aura at will…'' I found myself saying. _No! No! No! Wake up! Wake up!_ I groaned louder, struggling to free myself. But something heavy was on top of me.

'' To summarise the categories of _Nen_ users…'' My breath hitched and I tilted my head back to get more air.

''There are…enhancers, transmuters…'' _Stop. Wake up. Don't say it. It's just a dream. Nonononono…_ ''Manipulators, specialists, conjurers and emitters…''

'' _Nya. I see. I see. Tell me more, dear.''_ The chimera burrowed those cold antennae deeper into my brain. I shifted to get away but invisible hands gripped me to stay in my place.

Then, I saw myself on a tub made of cold earth, naked and my eyes wide open in frozen horror. I felt the needles delve in further for information, nudging the supple brain and creating disgusting wet noises as the ant moved.

I took another deep breath although it didn't do anything to ease my racing heartbeat. Warm tears fell from my unblinking eyes. I felt it down my ears. It was uncomfortable. _But I can't move. I can't move. Wake up!_

'' _…_ _Nya. Got everything I need, nya.''_ I gasped again when I felt the ant pick up a piece from my brain with his fingers. '' _Nya. The brain really is the tastiest part.''_ The ant stabbed my brain using the antennae then brought it up to its mouth. I jerked in response. I saw it glisten, wet under the red light. '' _Nya. Delicious!''_

 _''_ _Neferpitou-sama…Can we have the rest?''_ Someone else said. I saw a silhouette of a large chicken and various insects, standing on their hind legs.

They teared off my limbs and enthusiastically bit off the red meat, moaning and groaning at the chance to satisfy their hunger. They told me I tasted good. Better than the rest. Then, they sliced my stomach open and said that the liver and the intestines were also as good as the brain. They asked me where my brother was. Because he should even be tastier. Someone with potential like that was bound to. They grabbed my mouth open and asked again. When I didn't answer, they snapped it open and feasted on my face.

 _But I can't move. I can't move. I can't move._

* * *

I woke up with a gasp so deep that it hurt my lungs. I coughed, my shoulders heaving as I tried to control my breathing. I scrambled to sit up and leaned my back against the head board. Only to go still when it brought back the memory of the nightmare to the fore-front of my mind, I clumsily crawled out of bed and sat on the cold floor.

Something tugged from my hands. My breath hitched as my eyes finally registered a dextrose inserted inside my skin, plastered heavily for support. I tried to control my breathing to no avail. My whole body was tensed and my arms and hands trembled. I wanted to pull away but… but the needles were stuck inside my hand.

 _Needles…Shocks…Pain…Illumi…Torture…_

'' _No…No…No…Gon…Oh Gon…''_ I cried out and tightened my lips to stop myself.

 _Calm down. They're just needles! Just needles… No need to be scared…''_ I mumbled to myself and with a soft cry, I weakly climbed back on the bed, holding my heavy head and trying to forget the flashes memories and nightmares away.

I brought my knees closer to my chest and rested my head in them. My hands fluttered and tapped at my limbs. _My legs are here and my arms are here…_ Then, they fell on my stomach, a ghost line burned on my skin and phantom hands pushed it and my ribs outwards to seize at the innards. I could almost hear them buzzing and cackling. They skittered around me, pushing for their turn like hungry children rummaging the garbage bins for some food.

I felt bile rising up my throat and I let myself fall back on the bed to prevent myself from throwing up. I pushed the duvet off my face to let myself breathe in some cool air. _Just a nightmare. A nightmare._

 _Nightmares… How stupid,_ I thought. _My Hatsu can create nightmares out of shadows. I'm supposed to rule with the night but why does the night still give me nightmares? Why?!_

I had used my recurring nightmares to build off that technique. Since I can merge in with the night and manipulate its shadows… why not create nightmares out of them too? And so I did. It wasn't hard to do since I've seen many gory images before (from novels and medical books) and have read many horror stories. It also helped that I have an overactive imagination.

It felt almost too easy. It felt unreal that I was able to create my _Hatsu_ so readily like that. It didn't feel real even though I can clearly remember my last spar with the Chairman. Maybe because I didn't know I can make something and be something else other than myself. I've never been strong. I have never been strong enough before. It feels good to finally have an edge. Even though it's only at night.

 _What if you get captured in the day?_

Simple is the answer, of course. Either I die or I don't get captured in the day. My _Hatsu_ was strong because of the conditions I made. Heck, I even got Netero use his _Hatsu_. And he used not only one technique but more! If that didn't kick ass, I don't know what would. So, even though it may look like a weakness rather than strength, I am happy with it. I just need to wait and defeat all of them at night… Beside, evil people usually go out at night.

Adds into the suspense.

I let myself smile when I noticed that I was calmer than before. My small smile fell however, when I found myself in a familiar room.

A high-ceilinged room with its walls designed with rose vines, naked cherubs, and lovesick couples appeared before me. There was a set of double doors on the far right of the room whilst a window was on the far left, covered with crimson drapes. I sat back up again, holding on to my plastered wrists while my hands itched to remove the IV needles. Across the queen-sized bed I was in with its red and gold coloured duvets and sheets, was a group of black couches and a low glass table, standing in front of the hearth.

I was in my room back in the Hunters Association.

 _But it took us about 3 days to travel to and fro. Did I sleep that long? If yes, then that explains the IV drips…_

I let out a pained moan when my stomach seethed as if it was attempting to digest itself. Looking to my right, my eyes caught a teapot with a note plastered on it saying 'Drink me'. I narrowed my eyes and blinked repeatedly while peering at it. In the end, I realised it was Bean's hand-writing.

My whole body felt weak. I had no strength in them. If I had really slept straight in three days… then my body had completely shut down for three days with no food and no water - only these artificial sustenance. I reached out, crawling closer to the bedside table and carefully hefted the pitcher. My grip shook and some of the brown liquid spilled around the cup. A whiff a jasmine wafted to my nose. _This was Bean's brew._

I brought the cup up to my lips with two unstable hands. I made certain that I was holding onto it properly so it wouldn't fall to my lap and make more mess.

After drinking the unknown tisane, I placed the cup back to its place and laid back down in bed, sighing as I felt my stomach slowly settle. My heart beat started to slow. I focused on breathing and listened to its slowing rhythm. Next thing I know, I was back asleep.

This time, there was nothing there to haunt me.

* * *

When I woke up again, there was a warm comforting hand on my forehead. I opened my crusted eyes. The hand moved and I lifted my own to rub the crust away so I can properly see.

''Feel better?'' I knew it was him. I let my head flop to one side, facing his direction. From my foggy eyes, I could make out his form. He was now wearing his usual pristine white and blue kimono and he was sitting on a mahogany armchair beside my bed. From my peripheral, I saw that the little tea pot of tisane was gone. My stomach grumbled.

I felt his hand on my head again, brushing up my forehead. My dazed eyes focused once again and met his solemn grey ones. For once, there was no spark of mischief in his eyes. ''You pushed yourself too far, dear.'' He said. I blinked, too weak to do anything else. ''…You had us all worried.''

I closed my eyes once again. His thumb that was massaging my forehead made me feel even sleepier. ''You need to stay awake now, dear. To eat something even just a little.'' He pulled away and I opened my bleary eyes, whining softly in complaint.

'' _…_ Don't stop… _Please_?''

I sighed in content when he actually acknowledged my plea. His thumb moved from my forehead to my temple, gentle and warm. I felt myself falling deeper into the beckoning darkness of slumber.

''…Gin, dear. Stay awake for a moment, I just called Bean. He's coming to bring you something to drink.'' I felt him pinching my cheek to the point that it was almost painful.

I groaned, glowering with my eyes closed and turned my face away. He pinched my other cheek instead. ''Shishou.''' I growled and turned my back on him completely, slowly drowsing deeper to sleep.

''Stay awake for the tea, dear.'' I could hear the smile in his voice. I felt his shadow over me and swatted the incoming hand just on time before it hurt my cheek again. I let out a growl (though it sounded a little like a cat's meow. But this could only be because of my half-asleep state).

''Come on!'' he sang.

' _'_ _I_ _will_. Stop… _I_ _will_ … I'm awake…''

I heard him sigh before the shadow disappeared. I forcibly opened my heavy eyes when there were three knocks that sounded. ''Come in, Bean!'' Netero bellowed merrily. I moaned in annoyance and frustration. His booming voice rang inside the room and he did that on purpose.

A single mahogany door clacked opened. ''Is Miss Gin finally awake, Chairman!?'' His excited tone made me smile despite my exhaustion.

I hummed in reply when I found that I also don't have the energy to say anything. I pushed myself to lie on my back. ''She is. But still very weak.'' Answered Netero.

''Ah…'' was the despondent reply. I opened my eyes once again when I heard the clanking of kitchen wares, followed by a soft clink of teacup meeting the teapot's spout and the sound of the tea being poured.

I groaned in protest when I felt myself being pulled up to sit down. Netero smelled of old smoke and green tea. ''Just one drink before you can sleep again, dear. You need it. To keep up your strength and the depression at bay.'' He murmured the last part but since he was very close, I heard it anyway. A warm ceramic cup touched my lips.

I hesitantly drank the tea, half scared that it might burn my lips. But I found it warm and soothingly fragrant. When the liquid entered my mouth, I realised how dry and how thirsty I really was. ''Slowly.'' I heard Netero say. He tilted the cup slightly down to reduce the flow. My hands reached up to clasp his hand that held the cup. ''Slowly, dear. You have more.'' My hands fell because even keeping them upright felt tiring.

''…What's wrong with me?'' I whispered as I rested my back against the pillows.

Netero brought the cup to Bean while the latter poured more brown liquid into it. I sighed and blankly stared at the intricate gold and crimson embroidery on my duvet sheet. A hand tilted my chin up to drink. ''I didn't think it would affect you like this, dear. I never thought you'd actually push yourself that far.''

I remembered my last spar against him – the children of night emerging out from the shadows, my body enveloped by my defensive shroud, a forest drained out of their life energy and me telling him of the other condition I had made. _Maybe I shouldn't have told him that._

''…You told me to not hesitate and try to kill you.'' I said, voice stronger after the thirst I didn't know I have, has been quenched.

He scoffed then laughed softly. ''So I did, didn't I?'' Netero sat back on his chair whilst Bean stared at me. I smiled at his worried expression. His eyes have always been very kind. He reminded me a little of a loyal dog, always eager to please and follow his master's orders.

''I'm fine now, Bean. Thank you.'' He bowed and he seemed to misunderstand my thanks as dismissal because he started to tidy up. I opened my mouth to tell him he can stay if he wants to when Netero cut in.

''You've been asleep for four days. In fact, you may even say it five days now since it's currently night-time.'' My eyes met his serious ones. ''I didn't know if you'll wake up or not. The doctor said that you were in a state of coma. Not even _Nen_ can wake you. You woke up this morning, didn't you? You should've called me. Or Bean.'' His white and long eyebrows knitted and he looked down on me with disapprovingly. Then, he sighed. Bean left the room quietly.

''However, it is good that this happened.'' He propped his elbows on the arm-rests then crossed his fingers together without taking off his eyes on me. ''Now you know you're limits. You need more training. You can't just say 'I don't want to fight anymore' in the middle of a battle and expect your opponent to end the fight, carry you on his back and then have you nursed back to health. ''

''Is that what you did?'' I can't help but smile. I laughed softly when his face carefully flattened, devoid of any expression. I watched as the sharp glint in his eyes re-appeared in another blink of an eye and how his lips curled up. _Now he's back…_

'' Of course, dear _._ I wouldn't just leave my little apprentice in the middle of the woods.''

Now it was my turn to scoff at his overly saccharine tone. ''…Five days, huh.'' My eyes roamed at my surroundings. The chandelier on the ceiling was turned on at low, illuminating the room with a warm yellow glow. The ventilation whirred softly and the sound of traffic revved faintly from outside.

I shifted and stretched, feeling and hearing various pops from my joints. Despite the fact that my weights were all gone, I still felt unbearably heavy. Fisting my weakened hands, the IV needles caught my attention once again. ''Can I have them removed?''

His hands looked huge compared to mine. His fingers were long, wrinkled but strong. I forced myself to watch as his adept hands unrolled the plaster from my skin and then carefully pulled out the needle out of a vein. ''Other hand.'' I obeyed and watched as he did the same with it. The needle glistened under the yellow light. For a moment, I saw blood and some brain matter surrounding it. When I blinked again, it was gone.

''…What's wrong, dear?''

I took a deep breath and just found out that I was breathing heavily again. ''I need…I need to go home.'' I found myself saying.

''Why?''

I closed my eyes and saw Mito's sad smile and Grandmother Abe's accepting one. ''Mito and Granny are waiting…''

''I would have thought you'd want to see your brother first.'' He commented lightly.

''…Him too.''

He hummed in reply and there was a pause where we were both silent, lost in our own thoughts. Him, thinking while I, wondering of what he could be thinking about, along with the macabre thoughts that fleetingly appear and disappear in my mind.

''I don't know if you know but since you are one then you should.'' He started and I waited patiently. ''All hunters must hunt something.'' He announced. I looked away from his intense gaze and stared blankly into space. I knew what he was asking already and I rummaged my own befuddled head for what I could possibly want to hunt for.

''…What is it that you want to hunt, dear?'' When I didn't answer, he continued. ''Your brother wants to find your father.'' My hand twitched on its own. For some reason, I could never forget his face even though I really want to. I dread the day when I find myself face to face with him. The day when Gon finds him. I wish that it would never happen. But it needs to happen. Or else Gon would never stop and I would never find peace.

''What is it that you want to hunt for, my dear?''

''What do you hunt for, _Shishou_?''

I smiled when he chuckled. ''You can't answer questions with another, dear. That's not fair.''

''…Nothing is ever fair.''

''And you're forever good at words, aren't you?''

''Maybe I should write a book.''

''Maybe you should. What is going to be about?''

I hummed in thought. ''…A girl reborn in another world, perhaps.''

'' Oh?...Interesting! What world would it be?''

'' _Hm…_ Somewhere nice maybe, where all her problems revolved on her insecurities as a girl, a certain hot but extremely annoying guy, the other girls who want the guy for themselves, and her future career in life... Or maybe in a world of magic, where she finds herself in love and loved by a handsome wizard with a moving castle… Or maybe…maybe where the girl finds herself stuck in another world, unable to move back or forwards, confused of what she should and shouldn't do, what she needs to do, or what and who she is…Something like that…''

''Again, I wonder what's going on in that little head of yours.''

I chuckled mirthlessly. '' _Oh…_ Nothing good, _Shishou._ I pity the woman who'd dare seek my thoughts.''

''…Woman?''

''Most women love to snoop around and know other people's secrets. I wouldn't be surprise if you find a woman with the ability to hear people's thoughts or something similar to that ability.'' I droned out.

I saw him smiling from the corner of my eyes. ''Has anyone told you, dear Gin, that you are very, very, interesting?''

''None really. Just the usual cute, pretty, beautiful, charming…. I'll add interesting to my collection.''

He tilted his head back in laughter. Reclining on his chair, he watched me. _''_ Well, you are.'' Then, he scooted his chair closer and then propped his elbows on the bed, leaning closer. I refused to meet his eyes in fear of getting caught in them. ''Gin, my dear.'' He called. I merely blinked and waited, watching the shadows on the walls. ''What is it that you want in this life, dear?''

I closed my tired eyes as I saw Pokkle's face flash in my head, Ponzu's blood and bits of her clothes smeared on the floor, Togari's face when I killed him – eyes wide open and mouth parted in a silenced scream, Bodoro's dead body, the smile on my friends' face when they passed, Leorio holding on to his chest where his card was safely tucked, emotionless eyes, scarlet eyes, severed heads, man-eating chimeras, scared children hugging each other, Kaito's death, Gon's dulled eyes, Killua's tears…

''…'' A warm hand rested on my head and fell on one side of my face. He turned my head and forced me to meet his eyes. He caressed my warm cheek with his thumb before he patted it twice quite heavily as if wanting to wake me up.

''Find one thing that you want in this life and find it. Don't look anywhere else. That's how you can survive this world, dear child.''

A kiss fell on my forehead. Then he stood up, preparing to leave.

''…You're going to die.'' I whispered before I can think against it. ''Chimera ants will evolve. Eating humans. Their King will be born - a boy with a green helmet…

''When you see people die before they do, see them suffer before they do…Can I still look somewhere else, Shishou?'' I weakly clutched at my bed-sheets and buried myself deeper into the covers. A few seconds of silence has passed but still he didn't say anything. But I can still sense his presence in the room and his shadow over myself. I reached out blindly and instantly felt the soft fabric of his kimono. My uneven breathing was loud inside the quiet room and the warm tears creeped in uncomfortably in my ears.

' _'_ _Shishou,_ what should I do in this life _?_ Why am I here _?_ Are you going to kill me? Am I going to die soon? Am I going crazy, _Shishou_?'' I tried shaking him when he didn't answer. I wiped the snot off my nose with my other hand and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and stared at the dark canopy, my tears blurring my eyes.

''Maybe none of these is real. Maybe it's all a dream and one day, I'll wake up. I'll wake up and laugh at it. So maybe it's okay. It's okay if I just stay and let everything happen. But why…why I am here? Why can't I just let it go? Why does it hurt? Why am I who I am? Why am I scared? Why am I here? I want to go home…I want to go home…Help me go home…''

I felt his hand cover mine and he pushed it down gently to the bed. I sighed shakily and held my other hand in an attempt to comfort myself. _I'm okay. I'm okay…Not real… Not real…_

I gasped, however, when the bed beside me shifted down. ' _'_ _Yosh_.'' I heard him say cheerfully. I opened my blurry eyes and caught a sight of the blue collar of his kimono. I felt him pull me closer to his chest, his heartbeat against my ear. He put a hand upon my hair and brushed it with his fingers, reminding me instantly of Gon.

' _'_ Sleep now, dear.'' I can't help the cry that burst out of my mouth even though I tried. I shamelessly wiped my wet face on his shirt. ''Sleep. You'll be better in the morning.'' I pulled him closer in my small hands as I followed the rhythm of his breathing.

''The Chimeras…''

''—Are not here. Sleep. _Shishou_ will take care of it.''

In the end, my chest felt lighter than ever before as if relieved to share the burden with someone else. Netero was a good person to share my secret with. He was old, yes, but he was good as far as being good can be. I let out a long sigh of relief and let myself fall asleep once again. It has been so long since I fell asleep with someone protecting me, I thought with a smile. _Soon. Soon, I'll be with Gon soon._

* * *

The next morning, the weakness in my limbs were gone though I still felt a little heavy. Other than this, I was very eager to get out of bed. I still need to write back to my brother and ask Bean for the hundreds of letters he undoubtedly sent.

I found myself alone in my room with the curtains pulled back, letting in the early rays of sunlight. When I sat up in bed, I started and scrambled backwards upon seeing a headless woman standing motionless by my bed. ' _'_ _SHIT_!'' I cursed and I admit that it felt good to swear after such a long time (five days ago, apparently).

I let out a loud sigh and relaxed against the headboard when I realised that it was only a statue. I scoffed, shaking my head while massaging my forehead. _''_ _Bet this was Netero's idea…that cruel old man.'_ ' I muttered to myself, glowering so early in the morning.

But then, my scowl fell as soon as my eyes realised what they were seeing. The figurine was wearing a hanfu dress – a type of traditional Chinese clothing. It consisted of a black star-lit broad-sleeved inner garment and a tucked in deep red chest-high ruqun. A golden sash secured the two garments tight together and four slivers of the thin golden silk fell against the crimson skirt. One on the front, one behind and two on each of my sides.

I closed my parted mouth and swallowed. ''Woah…'' I exclaimed softly. The whole ensemble screamed sophistication and wealth. It has been a very, very, long time since I wore something cool. With this outfit, I could totally pass being an empress or a high-born lady, or a princess… _Oh yeah…_

I haven't really thought of what I was going to wear for the ball but I reckoned it should be something practical. If I was supposed to wear a dress, I thought that maybe it should be short to allow easily access from my knives and easy movement when running. But this hanfu fell down to my feet. I would need to grasp my skirts up to run or else I might accidentally trip.

 _Not like I could run far enough if they were adamant on chasing after me…_

My eyes shifted down at the wooden sandals beside the dress. It was similar to Netero's except for the additional tooth. _That was considerate of him…_ I thought and with an excited smile, I slipped the shoes on and pranced around with them, laughing joyfully by myself. Looking at the hanfu dress once again, I kicked the shoes off and ran to the bathroom for a quick shower.

First, I brushed my teeth because my bad breath was more than awful. I rushed it quite a bit because I suddenly felt the need to wee. I was okay until I felt something trickle down my thighs. My reflection frowned back at me, bemused before they widened in horror.

So I looked down to my pink pyjama pants. At first, I didn't notice it until…

 _''_ _Oh my GODDDDD! NOOOOOOOO!''_

* * *

The dining room was silent except for the soft clanks of plates and cutleries as three of us ate. I scooped another spoonful of my egg and corn soup. It was the first warm food I ate for five days and apparently the only one since I can't suddenly eat so much after such a long time of not eating anything solid.

After my mini-freak out, I calmed myself down and took a shower. No wonder I felt so heavy, particularly my lower abdomen.

''Now, my sweet…'' I froze midway my eating and shot him my most evil and coldest glare. Netero smiled merrily at me as he refilled his cup with more tea. ''My sweet, darling—''

''STOP IT! You're so creepy! Dear is enough!''

He took a sip from his cup. ''Now that you've fully matured—'' He dodged the flying cup right on time.

''I will clean that later, Bean.'' I growled.

''You must understand that—''

''STOP IT OLD MAN!''

He blinked as if confused. Then, he let his face soften as if in understanding. ''I know, my dear. It can be rather embarrassing but you see… this is completely natural!'' I ignored and resumed my eating. There was no way he'd stop. Unless I challenge him to battle right now and shut him up forever.

But I was in no mood to move at all. My…the area between my legs felt very sore. So I swallowed my wounded pride and let myself be taunted and teased again and again.

Netero placed another cup by my side just as I finished my soup and then casually filled it with tea. ''Now this, is chamomile tea, courtesy of Bean! Chamomile soothes the mind and the body, doesn't it, Bean?!'' The Bean man bowed his head as if both to agree and to yield. ''I read that it can help with Premenstrual syndromes aka PMS. That includes physical and emotional symptoms such as acne, bloating, tiredness, irritability, mood swings…'' the old man shook his head and sighed exaggeratedly. ''Now it all makes sense…''

 _You sadistic, cruel, asshat! Urgh! I can't believe I liked you for a moment!_ I yelled at him in my head as I continued shooting him with my death glare. But alas! He seems immune to them. He motioned at the cup with a conceited smile. I sneered at him before I took careful sips. It really was soothing though. If only he'd stop being an arsehole though.

''See! I told you!''

 _Why now!? Why didn't it happen when I'm with Gon!_

''…Did you like your dress, dear? I chose it myself! Very pretty, right?''

I relaxed for abit when the subject changed. I let myself smile at him even though I was really annoyed. ''Yes, _Shishou._ Very pretty. Thank you.''

He nodded, smilingly. ''Well, of course! I need you to look good when you meet your…your future potential friends!''

''You mean my future potential killers…'' I drawled out, ignoring how Bean shook his head violently.

'' _Hohoho!_ That may happen.'' He said seriously. I turned to him. He smiled and poked my wrinkled forehead. I instantly fixed my face and stretched the spot. _Dang it…_ ''It may happen if you don't play your cards, right.'' he added.

''How should I play it?'' I asked even though I know he'd offer no help.

He grinned evilly. He turned to Bean then back to me. ''Pariston undoubtedly knows you're here. In fact, he just came in to visit this morning!'' He leaned in closer. ''He says he can't wait to meet you!''

I grimaced and ignored how goose bumps raced across my skin. _Maybe I should escape tonight. I could always bring the dress with me._

'' I'm looking forward for your end of the deal, dear.'' He suddenly said and I looked up, puzzled.

''What deal? I didn't sign anything!''

He merely smiled and with a deeper and threatening tone, ''I train you, you keep me entertain. Give me a good show tomorrow night, dear.''

I sighed and accepted the fate I chose for myself. ''Yes, _Shishou_.''

* * *

 _AN: Okay! Thanks for all the reviews last chapter! I enjoyed reading them! I forgot to add WavyWavy's very helpful idea of the Mongoose. Thanks so much, dear! I hope you like that chapter! Now this chapter is full of suspense, aye? We also see that Gin's depression and PTSD is still very much active. I'm so sorry for her. Depression, PTSD and recurring nightmares, they are all awful stuff. Sadly, not many people understand how bad these things can be._

 _I'm sorry for any mistakes! Regarding the quotes, I really try to suit them with the story. In fact, I personally search for the right quote because they help me when writing. At last! Gin has a chance to dress-up once again! Thank you so much for taking time and reviewing in this story. It keeps me going and it really excites me too! NEXT CHAPTER! OMYGOD! GIN HAS NO IDEA! Any thoughts?_


	37. Chapter 34 - Tacenda

**Chapter 33 – Tacenda**

 _''_ _The strong prey on the weak. They take pleasure from the weak. Therefore, they make the weak.'' ~ Gin Freecs_

* * *

Red for power, gold for knowledge and black for elegance. I stared at my reflection from my mirror and took a deep breath. Inside my elegant room, I fit right in like a queen. There stood a girl, who has crumbled, fell and born again. Her hair was like the ocean at night when the moon was full and the waves, calm. They undulated softly down her delicate shoulders. Indeed, she is such a young and beautiful girl. The high-chested, crimson flowing skirt, the gold sash and the dark inner garment of her dress made her eyes shone almost like liquid gold. So much beauty and so much sadness… as if all these power, all these knowledge and all these elegance has robbed her of something else that she loved.

 _Or_ maybe she's just nervous…

Yup. She definitely is. _DAMN_ _IT_!

I closed my eyes and hit my heavy chest repeatedly, hopelessly hoping that it would do something to lighten up my mood. There was something wrong, my instincts keep on telling me. Netero's puckish face kept flashing in my mind. That old man's not telling me something! But what could it be?

He gave me such a pretty dress. I already entertained and accepted the idea that he'd have me fight someone tonight. This seemed like a plausible guess. Why? Because this is Netero. Fighting is like playing for him. Just like most strong hunters would think.

What are the chances of finding myself in a middle of a fighting pit?

 _65_ %

This is why I gladly wore my black training shorts and sports bra under my dress, sheathed all my throwing knives around my thighs and my arms. The wide-sleeves hid them well after all. If worst comes to worst, I could always remove my ankle and wrist weights and run like hell.

But Netero wouldn't let them kill me, right?

 _What if these are all a ploy and he's been planning this all along? What he's just waiting to gain your trust and then throw it back to your face? You told him…You told him…You shouldn't have told him…_

Someone knocked on the door. When I didn't answer, the door clacked open, revealing Netero. He stayed behind the door for half a second just watching me like a creep-o. Then, with wider smile he stepped in; his shoes softly tapping the red-carpeted floor. He stopped just over my shoulder and twirled, facing the full body length mirror. The smile on his face turned gentle for a moment.

''You look very pretty, dear.''

My lips curled up a notch. ''Thanks.''

His eyes glinted, amused. ''Nervous?''

''It feels like the first day of school all over again.''

One white eyebrow rose, inquisitively. ''You went to school?''

I scowled at him. ''What kind of question is that?! Everyone goes to school!...Well, except for the home-schooled.''

' _'_ _Hm_ …How did you find it?''

The first day of my school flashed in my head – how boring it was and how the kids distanced and hated me at some point. Learning the ABC and basic maths was terrible, especially when they make you do it again and again. And the kids were nice at first. But not joining their activities and refusing their invitations again and again created a rift between them and myself. The day came when they never asked me and then I experienced some mild bullying. You know…just the usual shoujo stuff.

Young kids love to act like adults until they become one. I was sorely tempted to accept the acceleration pass from the teachers but that meant being separated with Gon. So I resolutely said no, despite of Mito's encouragements.

''…Good enough.''

''How long did you do it for?''

''Just after grade-school. After that, Gon and I left for the exam.''

''Ah…''

I took a deep breath in an attempt to fill up the empty space in my chest. I swallowed to wet my dried throat. I didn't want to drink again lest I suddenly have the urge to pee whilst in the middle of facing the Zodiacs. Or worst, soil myself in front of them. _God! That's awful! I might just kill myself afterwards!_

He chuckled. My lips curled into a sneer and shot him a glare. He stopped laughing and tightened his lips as if stopping himself. His eyes twinkled impishly.

''Shut up, Netero. I'm in a bad mood. A very, very, _very_ , bad mood.''

 **''** Awh!'' he cooed. ''Sweety…That's only natu—''

He dodged my fist easily. We stared at each other for three breaths – me glaring whilst him smirking like a goblin. I pushed my back straight and fixed my face while he tilted his head down an inch – ceasefire.

I turned around and stared at my business-like face. Like the one a strong independent woman would wear when facing a potential ally or nemesis.

''Here, my dear.'' Netero handed a small black stick – a lipstick, I thought at first. I raised an eyebrow and twisted the cap, expecting a secret dagger or a pepper spray, or any kind of weapon, really.

But in the end, it was just a normal red lipstick.

''To add some colour in your face, dear. You look awfully pale.'' He said. Our eyes met in the mirror. I looked down again at it. I haven't held one for ages. In fact, ever since I was you know…sort of re-born.

 _Even hearing myself say it in my thoughts is weird… Someone there from above, if only this…only this fact would go down with me to my grave, I'll die a happy girl. That is isn't an invitation, by the way._

Netero smiled and took the lipstick from my grasp. ''Come on.'' He pushed my shoulder to have me face him. Tilting my chin up, I blinked as he applied the make up on my lips. ''Part your lips dear.'' I obeyed. He narrowed his eyes, focusing intently on his occupation. He scowled and clicked his tongue disapprovingly when I smiled. ''Dear. Stop it.''

''Sorry.''

He licked his thumb to erase the smudge. My lips curled in disgust. ''Ew! Ew! Get off! Ew!''

''Oh shut up, you little girl. You're ruining my work.''

I gasped and swatted his hands away. ''I can do it myself, old man! Gimme!'' I reached out but he held it away.

''Gin Freecs. Let me finish my masterpiece.''

I sighed in disbelief. The old man used this opportunity to 'finish his masterpiece'. ''Now, quit curling those lips. Dear Goddess!'' he muttered, vexed. ''Come on.''

I smirked. ''Well…if you put it like that, _Shishou_ , fine.''

Netero looked baffled at first until understanding dawned upon him. He raised an eyebrow at me drily before shaking his head twice. ' _'_ _Whatever_ …'' he muttered. His hand on my chin tightened when I can't help but laugh. He might not have noticed it, but I certainly have.

Old man's getting snazzy in the language department.

''Gin.''

''Yeah. Sorry.''

When he was done, I turned back to the mirror. My eyebrows raised, impressed. ''For an old geezer, you're okay.'' I praised while admiring my lips. My teacher drew a heart on my pale lips. It was pretty and it suited my attire very fine.

''And this… this is from Bean.'' I turned over my shoulder just as Netero handed me a red rose.

The smile overcame my face and stretched my cheeks. ''Awh! From Bean! Really?!''I gazed at the red flower momentarily, deeply touched.

''I think it suits your situation just fine, right?'' I nodded happily. That is, until I realised what he just said.

''You pervert!'' I growled and slapped his face. He casually dodged, of course.

''What? I'm just saying!'' I crossed my arms, sulking. ''Ahh… Come on now, dear. Fine. Fine. Bean says it will match your dress!'' He reached out and slipped it behind my ear. ''There…'' he clapped his hands. '' Looks good!'' he sighed and crossed his arms, smiling proudly of himself.

I turned and checked myself in the mirror. Not like I'm bragging or anything (hah! I'm too humble for that), but I looked like a very expensive china doll. But this little porcelain doll can kick ass, you fuckers!

I smirked. ''Thank you, _Shishou._ ''

He placed his two hands over my shoulders firmly. ''You're welcome, dearie!'' My vain smile fell when I recognised the evil lilt of his tone in an instant. ''Now…'' he gave me an evil grin from the mirror. ''Make me a good show, eh?''

''…You're so bad.'' I sighed and fixed my face once again.

* * *

'' Bean's busy managing the Zodiacs right now.'' Netero said as we sauntered down his private floor. The wall sconces were glowing bright once again. The glasses were new. They've been replaced whilst we were gone. I wondered if someone had gone through my room. If yes…Then, they had gone through my letters, probably. I frowned, not liking this one bit. My grip unconsciously tightened on Netero's arm.

''Dear, something wrong?''

I gulped. ''I think someone might have entered my room.'' I confessed.

''Oh…Someone definitely did.''

I looked up to him, disbelievingly. He only smiled. ''Bean undoubtedly hired the best people he could get, my dear. But there is always one…always one that would allow someone who wants to enter, enter.''

''B-but…but they would have read all my letters! I left them under my under wears!''

''Under-wears? Could you be more obvious, dear?'' He shrugged. ''Did you write anything substantial? Like a way to kill you, perhaps?''

I rummaged my brain desperately. Mostly, I wrote how annoyed I was with Netero…Other than that…I just wrote what I did everyday – train, some fleeting thoughts, my aches and pains, my lunch, me fainting, how Netero's a pervert… I sighed in relief, although still very unsettled.

A hand fell on mine. ''Well…Did you write any secret there?''

I shook my head. ''None really… I don't think so. But…But…''

''If none comes to mind then there's probably nothing. Were they still there?''

''I haven't checked.''

''This changes some things…Pariston definitely knows you now, then.'' He smoothed down his beard as he gazed into his own space. I didn't like the fact that Netero sounded too enthusiastic about this. In fact, he looked incredibly joyous and uncaring whilst I was near a nervous break-down.

 _I'm alone here. He doesn't care about me here. I'm alone here. Don't trust anyone. Be on guard. You shouldn't have told him, you idiot. You idiot! IDIOT! Fix your face. Whatever happens, don't drop your persona. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing will disable it! Nothing! You understand!?_ _You're unreachable. No feelings._

From across the hall, a grandfather clock sounded. It came from the library. It announced the time to be 8pm.

 _It's night time, dear. It's night-time. It is your time to rule and to hunt. At night, you are most powerful. Nothing. Nothing can hurt you at night. Nothing. You are unreachable, unconquerable, unbowed._

I lifted my hand and touched the red flower tucked behind my ear. I didn't know if I was imagining it, but I felt it hum faintly beneath my fingertips. If worst comes to worst, It would give its remaining life to me and help me escape. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I didn't know we stopped at the security door when we did.

''We are to meet with the Zodiacs first from the meeting room, my dear. Then, we'll join the others downstairs in the 50th floor where the ball is already happening.''

Netero placed his hand on the machine and did the retinal scan. The door relaxed and he let me in first. My sandals clacked as soon as I stepped into the white-tiled public hallway of the Chairman. It was empty but I can detect strange scents mixing in the air.

The Zodiacs are here.

 _At night, you are the master. At night, there's nothing to be scared of._

* * *

I don't know what I was expecting when Netero opened the door but it certainly wasn't a welcome party. And of course, it wasn't. When we entered, the room was dark and a large screen was roaring bright and loud. There were 12 zodiacs and doing a quick count, all of them were present in the room. Each were dressed strangely – there was a girl with orange hair with rabbit ears. I noticed her first because I think I am taller and bigger than her. But those doesn't really equate to power.

Then, there were two hulking men in the room – the one facing me had a large black afro and thick lips and the other had his back turned on me but I could tell his hair was white and he tied them into pigtails. _How manly..._

There were various foods strewn carelessly on the white table. I saw Bean standing by the screen. He looked at me apologetically before bowing. I tilted my head to the side, curious and concerned at his distressed expression.

I felt someone's eyes on me and when I shifted my gaze up, our eyes instantly met.

At first, I thought I was looking at my brother that I felt my carefully impassive face lift up for a bit. My heart skipped just like it always does when I see my sweet brother. He sat nearest to the TV. The glaring light coming from it made the fixed shine in his brown eyes more refined. But then, I noticed the facial hair and the difference in their bone structure _._

 _Gon wouldn't be here. Gon wouldn't wear blue. He likes green. Gon wouldn't have facial hair. Gon would care about his appearance, too. I guess he got that from me. This isn't Gon._

 _Not Gon. This is_ _ **Ging**_ _! My dad's a merchant, you?_ _ **Ging**_ _! Oh, you don't have a dad? Dad! H-help me…Dad…Poor girl! Daddy's not here to help you!_ _ **Ging!**_ _I want to know what job is amazing enough to make it seem worth it to leave his own son!_ _ **Ging!**_

 _Ah…This is gonna be so awkward and full of shit._

My heart remained calm and I thanked Bean silently for reminding me to take my anti-depressants after our early dinner this afternoon. That is, until I realised why he did that in the first place. _He knew…_ I felt as though something incredibly painful and heavy hit me on my back. It was cold and it pierced through my chest. I had to take in another deep breath to lessen the pain.

Ging's smiling face invaded my mind. I remembered the way he laughed, the way his eyes shone as he looked at me. The way he sang to me, the way he played with us, the way he danced me to sleep…the way he _left_. Now, he looked at me blankly. As if he didn't know me.

 _I didn't want to see him. I didn't. Why? Why…I'm not ready…_ I blinked to remove the burning in my eyes. My feet itched to run. I wanted to disappear so badly. From the corner of my eyes, the shadows danced, agitated.

Netero's smirk flashed in my head. _This was his surprise_. _He planned this all along. And Bean knew…They…they plotted this against me. Why?_ _ **To play with you.**_

I smiled as I felt something inside me break, releasing the bitter taste of betrayal in my tongue. My father stiffened in his seat and he looked a little disturbed. Not surprisingly, Ging turned away first.

 _Find one thing that you want in this life and find it. Don't look anywhere else. That's how you survive this world, dear._

My hand on my teacher's arm twitched before slackening. His hand covered it as if to comfort. The shadows below us rippled. I noticed him glancing down before he looked up once again, smiling amiably as if nothing was wrong.

 _''_ _Are you not going to surrender too?''_ I forced my eyes away from Ging towards the screen and saw a video of myself and Hanzo.

Hunters Exam – last phase. They had been watching me from the exam. ' _Pariston definitely knows you now, then,_ Netero commented a while ago. It all makes sense now. I didn't really know the Zodiacs yet. It has been a long time since I used my X cards. 4 months is a long time. To be honest, I admit that I was a little scared of using them. They only bring about nightmares, after all. But now, I wished that I tried asking my cards about the Zodiacs.

But I was too nervous to remember that.

 _''_ _Hmm…I don't know...you're hot.''_ I heard my own voice drawling out my words seductively. _At least, I think it seductive. It worked anyway._

A bespectacled woman with sea-foam green hair cut at medium length openly gaped at the screen. She wore a hat that has a pair of dog ears attached to them and her nose looked like those of a dog. I peered, a little curious, at the authenticity of her nose.

Sat beside her, there was blue-haired woman wearing a dark blue bra, a pair of white wings behind her and a cool feather head accessory. She had her elbow propped against the table as she held her chin up whilst watching. She too, was staring at the screen with her mouth parted. Though her eyes sparkled in a mixture of proud mischief and entertainment.

 _''_ _Cat got your tongue?''_ The dog-girl jerked up, covering her mouth, looking absolutely appalled at what she's seeing. _I was only on top of Hanzo. Now, I admit that was sexy, especially with God Hanzo underneath me, but it's not X rated._

 _Sadly._

 _Maybe I should go hunt him down before finding Gon. One little date wouldn't hurt…but I would need to find the note with his email and number on it. It mysteriously disappeared from my bag._

Meanwhile, the chicken-woman smirked. She hummed and leaned closer to the screen, watching intently.

 _''_ _I apologize but I do not like the company of 12 year old girls.''_ The green-haired girl nodded, crossing her arms. She wore a white-green dress and white gloves.

My eyes shifted and met the eyes of a lanky man with a very short yellow hair, big ears and a monkey-like face. He was wearing a black fitted shirt with orange linings. His headband winked at me as he scrutinised me with a cold and calculating expression on his face. I forced myself to stay still as I let his eyes traverse up and down my body. This must be the monkey, I realised. And he was already sizing up my strength.

Dog, chicken, monkey…

Netero walked us forwards, our feet tapping the white-tiled floor together. The hulking man with a large afro, thick lips and a thick black moustache around his mouth suddenly stood up. ''CHAIRMAN!'' he cried out like a child, voice echoing and filling the room. _I wonder what this guy is…_

 _The Sheep,_ I thought, taking notice of the curled horns on each sides of his face.

Just like that, the others straightened in their seats, except for Ging who remained slouched in his seat.

''—Oh! There they are!'' Someone exclaimed. I closed my eyes when the white lights suddenly illuminated the whole room but the show didn't stop.

Because I can't withstand their stares anymore, I turned my eyes to the moving screen, curious. I saw myself – wearing a black tank top, leggings and my dirty combat boots. I felt my lips twitch, despite myself. The old me fluttered her eyelashes at a blushing Hanzo and pouted. She bit her lip and tilted her head to the side, showing him her pale neck.

 _''_ _Ouch. But let me tell you a little secret._ '' She drawled, sauntering towards him, swaying her hips slightly.

 _''_ _Some men like curvy women. Some men like slim women. Some men like old women. Some like young women. Gentle women, rough women, pretty women, ugly women, pretty men…''_ The dog-girl squeaked. Her poor conservative soul might not be able to take any more.

The Zodiacs shifted their attention back at the show, except for two perhaps. One, Ging had his eyes closed and his arms crossed. Two, the blond man who was standing at the other end of the table, wearing a yellow-striped suit, was beaming at me. His eyes were brown, cold and empty. His cruel smile widened when I met his eyes with my impassive ones.

 _The mad ones are always more interesting,_ I thought and let myself smile at him.

 _''_ _Most men don't know what they like until they've tried it.''_

''Oh man... Girl! You're good! You're good!'' The blue haired woman praised loudly, nodding at me briefly before looking back at the screen. My polite smile widened and I bowed slightly in thanks.

' _'_ _Now…Will you surrender to me or do I need to kill someone again?''_

The rabbit hummed and then the screen darkened as the show finished. I watched as the blonde – who I'm deducing to be Pariston Hill due to his self-important air and obnoxiously handsome and mad looks – clapped his hands, looking around as if goading the others to join him.

The chicken woman did, smirking and waggling her perfectly plucked eyebrows at me. Next, the rabbit girl clapped too. She had a fixed innocent look on her face. It made her look even more threatening to me.

But everyone is a threat in this room anyway.

Beside the huge man who I'm calling Sheep, was a man who resembled a horse. His eyes were shone black and calm as he met my eyes.

Then, on the other side of the table, there was another woman blessed in the chest department. I urged my eyes to not linger on her chest. _Snake_ , I thought.

The large man with the pigtails, white fur and a red and black suit, sat beside her with his humongous arms crossed. He looks like the oldest of them all. And he was big, yes, but in a muscled way, while Ram was big in the fat way. _Dragon._

The Rabbit was almost lying on the table next to him. In her hands, she held a pink phone. _Manipulator, perhaps?_

The tiger and the Ox were next, both wearing their corresponding zodiac costumes.

 _If I was to dress up as a mongoose, I'd like a bushy tail._

Netero coughed and then swiftly smoothed down his beard. _''Hoh!_ I see you've been busy, Pariston! Well!'' With two soft clacks of his geta, he moved behind me, hands falling on my shoulders. He leaned down so his face was next to mine. I let my face lift up into a kind and polite smile, softening my eyes and curling my lips just a touch to be natural.

'' Gin, my dear, these are the Zodiacs. Everyone, this is Gin, my little apprentice! Be nice to her, okay?'' he announced jovially.

I bowed. ''Good evening, Zodiacs. It's an honour to make your acquaintance.'' I said, polishing my voice to my smoothest and sweetest voice.

The Zodiacs just blinked and stared. Just then, my eyes fell down at the heap of white envelopes on the table. Surrounding them, food were scattered all over the table. I recognised the writings right away. They were opened and crumpled, obviously abused. _They read my brother's letters._

 _They read it._

 _They took it._

 _They raped it._

 _His thoughts and his words…_

My polite façade fell down in an instant. My chest hurt. The anti-depressants can't control rage and pain. It can't control my heart when it started thundering in anger.

 _''_ …Ah! Sorry, Gin-san! We found these on the table when we arrived. Curious as we are, we opened them!'' The blonde sang, putting his hands together as if praying for my forgiveness. ''We are hunters, after all. Naturally curious!''

 _Bastards. Motherfuckers. Shits. Assholes. Son of motherfucking bitches…Kill… Maim…Kill…Take their useless piece of lives…_

Netero's hands tightened around my shoulders. The room has gone cold and tensed. Monkey shifted in his seat. The Chicken and the Snake were no longer amused. The rabbit looked as innocent as ever but her purple eyes glinted something malicious. Ging was useless. As always. I might as well pretend he's not here.

 _'_ _Make me a good show, dear.'_ Netero wanted a good show. Poor old man was hungry for some fun to cure his loneliness. In another blink, I reigned in my blood lust and smiled, though this didn't really relax anyone.

I let my face crumple a little as if I was stopping myself from crying. The tears gathered in my eyes. ''I'm s-sorry…It's just…'' My breath hitched. ''You could've at least taken care of them…'' I shakily pointed at the stack with a trembling hand. ''They look…'' I broke out sobbing, grabbing my teacher's arm. I looked up to him, eyes blurring in tears. '' _Shishou!_ My letters... My… baby...baby Gonny's letters… _Shishou_!'' I grabbed Netero's kimono and sobbed at his chest, complete with the heart-breaking sobs and overflowing tears.

It was easy. Because I really felt like crying.

''…Ah…Oh my! Oh dear…'' His hand brushed my hair. ''Zodiacs!''

It was silent until someone cleared his throat. I raised my head from Netero's chest to see the Ox standing up in front of us. He bowed deeply. ''I apologize on behalf of the Zodiacs, miss. We didn't mean any harm. Unfortunately, as Pariston said, we all became curious.'' He smiled softly. ''We didn't know Ging has a daughter.''

''Mizaistom Nana!'' said Netero, enthusiastically. The ox bowed once again, smiling gently down at me.

''Tche. What a crybaby,'' scoffed the tiger as he held his chin and turned away, looking bored out of his mind. ''We came here to see this?'' He scoffed once again. ''It's a brat!'' He was cute, I noticed. A slim young man with a black and yellow hair and outfit. He reminding me a little of Killua + Leorio. As a result, it was hard to get annoyed at him.

I turned my wide, innocent eyes back to the Ox and shamelessly checked him out. He really wore an ox-suit too, complete with the horned, black and white helmet. Out of everyone else, he looked most normal. The kind that would save a damsel in distress.

Smiling at him softly, I admired the broadness of his shoulder and that fact that…I gasped, my hands flying to my chest in complete and utter shock. The Ox zodiac blinked, baffled. ' _'_ _Oh my goodness_ …'' I whispered.

He tilted his head to the side. ''Something wrong, miss?''

'' _…_ _You're a MAN!''_

''…''

''I'm sorry?''

I grabbed his hand before he could react and held it in my two hands. ' _'_ _Oh…Oh my…Oh dear…'' I_ looked up at him, beaming. ''I haven't seen a man for ages!''

Without warning, I pasted my hands on his chest, hands falling down to his hardened stomach, smoothly before he can react. My inner fan girl squealed in happiness. _God! He's sculpted like a God!_ I thought, jaw dropping. _A blessing! God! I forgive him! He can invade my privacy anytime!_

''O-o-oy! What are you doing!''

''Pfft!''

''What…W-what…''

''Ging! Stop your child!''

''HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!''

The Ox recovered and carefully released himself from my grasp by backing away, looking like he just developed an eye twitching disease. He thought me mad. I could see it in his eyes. _Good._

I sobered up and stepped backwards to Netero's side. I smiled at him and then to our audience, biting my lips shyly. ''Sorry…'' I clutched at Netero's kimono and made a show of a little girl hiding behind her father.

''Haven't seen a man for ages, huh?''

I blinked up to him, frowning innocently. '' _Shishou. You're always too busy to play. Gin-chan is always alone by her lonesome self.''_

He smiled down at me. He was itching to punch me, I could tell. _You'll pay for that little girl,_ his smile said.

 _Bring it on, old geezer!_ I smiled sweetly back.

Meanwhile, someone gasped. ''My goodness! All that time?'' In an instant, Pariston Hill appeared before us. He bent down at his waist to talk to me. I nodded. He's handsome too, in the mad way, just like Hisoka was...

 _Wait_. _Did I just thought of Hisoka as …_ I mentally shooed the thought.

His face crumpled into a faux-sad face. ''What a shame! I was all alone in the 250th floor too! We could've _played_ then, Gin- _chan_!''

My eyes widened, sparkling before they dulled. ''Well…it's too late now.'' I sighed, looking down at the floor sadly.

''Maybe next time, Gin- _chan_?''

My sweet smile returned. ''Hm!'' I nodded, happily.

''Great! Ah! Ging! Come on! Don't be shy! Your daughter's here!'' The blonde turned his back to me to acknowledge my father who was still very silent in his seat. I smiled demurely at his motionless figure but nonetheless stayed at my place. He was busy looking away.

' _'_ _Hohoho! Now, that you all know each other, perhaps we should go to the ball then?''_ The sound of seats scratching the floor sounded as the Zodiacs rose from their chairs. I watched, fascinated at their costumes.

The green-haired girl was first to approach. She smiled at first, a little hesitant. But she felt warm and genuine to me, compared to the others in the room. She offered her hand. ''Cheadle Yorkshire. Nice to meet you, Gin-san.''

I blinked and smiled back. ''And you, Cheadle-sama.'' Her smile widened to a happy one and I shook her gloved hands twice before she left.

''Cluck.'' The blue-haired woman grabbed my hand and shook it numerous times. She smirked. ''You gotta tell me where you learnt all those moves, girl.''

''From the library, Cluck-sama.''

She raised an eyebrow at me. ''Really?''

''In the adults section.''

With another smirk, she strutted away.

The Monkey only stared at me as he walked past. I bowed. He had a very nice six-pack abs. And the cold attitude was almost sexy. Out of everyone in the room, he might be the first, or one of the first, to actually kill me should I make a wrong move.

''Hellooo!'' When I looked up, I found myself before a towering, giant man. ''Gintaa.'' His voice boomed and he offered his massive hand to me. I placed my hand in his and smiled, awed at his size. _Does he have a girlfriend, I wonder. If I ask him, would he punch me? If he's this big...how big is his..._

 _Oh God...I'm hideous!_

''Ginta minus the ta.'' I said and the big man's smile developed into a friendly grin before he trudged away. I fought the disgusting thoughts slowly taking over my head.

The man with the horse face and protruding teeth was next. He wore a purple kimono with different shades and with three pink flowers designed on it. My eyes focused on the sword he carried, however. But then, something yellow and black flashed in front of me.

The guy reached out for my hand and shook it. His grip was strong that it almost hurt. ''Kanzai'' he growled. I smiled. He frowned and tilted his head, peering at me closer.

''Gin.'' I said and gave him my sweetest smile yet. His frown fell and I had these really bad urge to pull and steal his lips just for fun.

 _Hormones…Hormones…Hormones…_

''You smell like blood.'' He said and my eyes widened, body freezing up.

''Gin flowered yesterday.''

My head snapped to the side, enraged. ' _'_ _NETERO, YOU BASTARD!''_ I pulled my hand back and leapt up to give him an upper cut. He dodged and shifted to punch me on the stomach. I saw this and danced away. I swallowed the growl threatening to come out of me. My hand twitched, wanting to grab my knives from their sheaths. There was a heavy pause until...

''What a wonderful event, Gin!'' clapped Pariston. ''Congratulations! Oh, what a joyful event! Isn't it, Ging!? Your little girl's a woman now!''

A woman –the snake, chuckled, followed by a girlish giggle from the Rabbit.

Taking deep breath, I focused my cold glare to the old smirking and stinking man for another second before fixing my face. I calmly re-instated myself beside him and ignored their eyes. I smiled at Kanzai once again. ''So sorry about that.''

''You're not quick enough, well... You're a kid, so whatever.'' He said, staring at my smiling face before turning to walk away. ''Flowered?'' he muttered to himself. A vein threatened to pop in my forehead when someone laughed once again. The Rabbit whispered something in his ear. I watched when the Tiger stiffened and rushed out of the room, with something red decorating his face.

 _This isn't getting good. This isn't how I imagined it to be. I'm supposed to be calm, cool and collected._

''Saccho Kobayakawa.'' A calm, deep voice broke me out of my angered reverie. I met the horse's serene eyes.

''Nice to meet you, Saccho-san.'' I accepted his hand. I couldn't the sigh the left my nostrils as my lungs relaxed. I feel oddly calmed just by looking at him. _Illusion? Nen?!_

''I'm a trouble hunter. Come to me, anytime Gin-san.'' He said and without waiting for my reply, he walked away.

''I'm Geru,'' said the Snake woman.

''Pleased to meet you.''

''Gigante,'' growled the Dragon.

''Pleased to meet you, sir.'' He examined me up and down before grunting and walking away.

''Piyon!'' squeaked the orange-haired Rabbit.

''Pleased to meet you.''

''And you!''

Then, it was my father's turn. I doubled my efforts at maintaining my polite expression. Straightening up, I gave him a respectful bow even though all I wanted was to bash his ugly face to the floor and tell him to fuck off. ''Father, pleased to meet you.''

''…Ah.'' He paused in front of me for a moment, scratching his face. I blinked and waited patiently at him. He was acting like a teenage boy facing his crush. Looking away, he said; ''Find me later if you want, Gin.'' Then, he strolled away with his hands deep in his pockets.

' _'_ _Awh_. How cold, Ging!'' Pariston shouted. ''I'm sorry about him.'' He sighed. ''Do you want me to drag him back here, Gin- _chan_? Give you both some privacy?''

I smiled falsely at the vice-president who, I reckon, might not be completely sane. I shook my head. ''No, its fine, Pariston-san.'' He raised an eyebrow.

''So, you know me already.'' He commented brightly and dumbly.

I let out a giggle. ''Yes.'' I said, while slipping my hand around Netero's arm. I saw Pariston follow the move, eyes darkening. _He didn't like that,_ I observed. _Interesting._

''Shishou mentioned you quite a lot of times.'' I gripped his arm tighter to my chest, smiling up at the chairman.

''Eh?!'' the blonde gave the Chairman a bright smile which turned a little bitter when he glanced down at me. ''What did he say?!''

 _A_ _h._

I chuckled again. ''Nothing much. But he failed to tell me something though…''

''…Pray tell, what is it?''

''He didn't tell me the Rat is so _handsome_.''

His smile faltered at first before he beamed, bristling and eyes glinting darkly. I know those eyes…those are the eyes of someone who just saw potential. Those eyes knew what I'm doing. Those eyes knew I was acting. Those eyes were the eyes of the bastard who went into my room to steal my brother's letters. Those eyes… _I want to gouge them out and force-feed it to him!_

He chuckled, touching his face as if very flattered.''My…My…Thank you, Gin- _chan_.'' He purred and bent down so our face were parallel to each other. ''Unlike your boring father, you and I… _you and I_ might just become the best of friends.''

'' _Meow.''_

The middle-aged man grinned, showing all his pearly-whites before leaving. _Is he a paedophile!? He's not even bothered about the fact that we're like half his age apart._

 _Cradle-robber! Demon-spawn!_

* * *

Soon, they were all gone, leaving only the strong mixture of their scents in the room. The meeting room had white tiles on its floors and walls. Five square windows overlooked the dark skies outside. The ceiling was partitioned into squares which in itself, produced white light. I thought briefly of how energy consuming that was.

I let my mask drop as I walked closer to the table. I leaned my weak body against it and gathered all my letters.

 _Dear Gin,_

 _How are you? ..._

 _Dear Gon,_

 _I'm glad that you think you're improving. Meanwhile, I fucking hate Netero's guts!_

 _Dear Gin,_

 _I hope you're doing okay…_

 _Dear Gon,_

 _Oh! I miss you so much!_

I wiped off the tears that fell on my face before anyone can see. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. I felt so alone. More alone than ever before. Most of the letters were stained with some food and all of them were tainted with their disgusting scents.

''…The ball hasn't started, dear.''

''Fuck you, bastard.'' I growled, face twisting to a hateful sneer. I felt the flower tucked behind my ear wilt, giving me a cool rush of energy to soothe my burning core. I told him everything I'm feeling with my eyes. My hand unconsciously crumpled the paper in my hand.

''Where are the new ones?''

''…They are in my office, Miss Gin,'' supplied Bean who was looking down at the floor.

In my pain, I can't help but laugh. But I know I had to go through the night. Netero's apprentice need to stay and look strong, and Netero needs more fun. I needed to uphold my end of the bargain.

''…If something happens to my brother, Netero.'' The lights flickered on and off from the strength of my _Ren._ The shadows came out from their corners. I let some of them materialise to monsters. Eyes blinking owlishly from the dark, faceless men grabbing and reaching their arms as if desperately trying to get free, Cheshire grins surfacing from an absent face, dead children with their dead eyes, still clutching their bloodied dolls...

''If they harm, even a single hair from him…'' The lights had completely shut off and dark shadows whispered angrily around us. My vision sharpened, focusing on his serious face. ''I'll kill you myself.''

 _And they will pay,_ the shadows swore, slithering around my form. The faceless monster screeched when it freed itself. It crawled on the floor and stopped by side.

''Calm yourself, dear. They wouldn't do anything like that.'' Netero smiled. Bean was stiff and cold in his place, trembling and sweating in fear.

''You don't know that.'' I retorted angrily.

Netero caressed his white beard down. ''They like you.'' He said thoughtful.

I smiled. ''Really?!'' Then, I sneered at him. ''Well, I don't care! They touch him, they die.''

We stared at each other for a few seconds more before he smiled again. ''I understand your anger, my dear.'' He said. ''However...'' His solemn gaze sharpened like hot knives. ''Remember your place. I, and these zodiacs, can easily step on you, my dear. Ging Freecs' daughter, my apprentice, or not.'' He turned away and left without me.

''…Miss Gin.'' I looked down, realising that Bean was still there. With wide and apologetic eyes, he unpinned the red rose from his suit and bravely walked closer to me, his steps faltering. _How Brave..._

From his eyes, I could see my reflection - eyes completely devoid of any colour while slivers of shadows circled around me like sea snakes.

''Please…Miss Gin. I'm sorry…I'm sure the Chairman meant nothing bad from it.''

I stared down at him for longer until his shoulders slumped in defeat and I can't stand the ache in my chest anymore. I willed the shadows to go away. I offered him the wilted flower from my ear and offered him my other palm. He paused and smilingly placed the flower in mine, taking the dead one with his other. I tucked in the new flower behind my ear.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I smiled.

''Looks good?'' I sang and flipped my dark hair over my shoulder.

The secretary looked lost for a moment but nodded. I gave him a sorry smile. ''They would never hurt you, Bean. They're just shadows.''

 _'Just shadows'_ they repeated.

The secretary's eyes scanned our surroundings with fearful eyes. ''I promise, Bean. They will never hurt you.'' I said, hoping that will comfort him. I walked away, my wooden shoes echoing as I walked. The shadows followed, hidden but ever so present behind me.

''Be sure that the rest of those are burnt to ash, Bean.''

''…Yes, Miss Gin.''

 _I need to get stronger. Stronger so they can never threaten me. So they can never step on me. So they can never hurt me._

* * *

 _AN: I'm really worried about Gin. This chapter was really hard to write. Super hard. It drained me of my energy. There's no bombs or punches thrown. What do you think of Gin's reaction on seeing her father? If you were on her shoes, what would you have done? Bear in mind, Gin hates him. Gin absolutely doesn't want to see his face. Gin knows she's outnumbered and out strength by them all._ _So...can I ask you which chapter is your favourite guys? I'm so sorry for any mistakes here. Got to 200 reviews here! Yey!_


	38. Chapter 35 - She walks in beauty

**Chapter 35 – She walks in beauty**

 _''_ _She walks in beauty, like the night_

 _Of cloudless climes and starry skies,_

 _And all that's best of dark and bright_

 _Meets in her aspect and her eyes;_

 _Thus mellow'd to that tender light_

 _Which heaven to gaudy day denies.'' ~ Lord Byron_

* * *

I traversed the public hallway of the 300th floor leisurely; the walls throwing back the sound of my footsteps. There were two elevators in the 300th floor – the public one has a silver door while the private one had rose-gold.

The lift was taking a little longer than normal to come up. It must be because of the party in the 50th floor. As I stared impassively at my distorted reflection from the doors, I wondered what else could be waiting for me from the party.

Netero had mentioned that the ball was undoubtedly for me – Netero's apprentice. As far as I know, the old man doesn't have anyone else but myself as his apprentice. This meant one thing, of course.

Trouble.

People would want to test me. They'd be watching. If a public announcement was to be made, I'd end up attracting so many eyes towards every single thing I do and will do. It wouldn't take long for them to know about Gon as well.

A _friendly_ fight may occur. That, or a full night of myself roaming the floor aimlessly, waiting for the time when I can leave. The latter sounded marvellous. The first sounded like reality.

And 10pm sounded like a good time for a little girl to go to bed.

If I was going to fight, it is highly likely that it would be someone from the Zodiacs. My lips tightened as I thought about Ging first. It is likely that they'd push a _father-daughter_ spar. Ging doesn't look like a push-over and may refuse. That sounds good.

 _''_ _Find me later if you want, Gin.''_

I closed my eyes and threw away his invitation as trash. This night was going to be even more hellish. I needed to be prepared for a fight – physically and mentally. Not to mention his voice was sending painful shoots to my chest and the very thought of him made my stomach churn, my whole body to hurt and my mind be filled by my brother's smiling face.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered strength for the ball. The door finally opened and I stepped right into its simple and yet elegant interior. The walls of the lift were made of white lacquered glass with black borderlines between the panels.

I really don't understand Netero's obsession with white. For me, it was a cold colour. Cold and depressing. Heck, black is way livelier than white.

As expected, the little space was filled with a wide array of scents – the strongest being the perfumes of differing flavours. The heating was whirring softly from the ceiling and breathed down on me gently. But I still felt cold in the inside.

 _I wanted someone to hug me. Anyone… I wanted to touch and embrace Gon. To feel his warmth, hear his laugh…_

I stiffened as I felt arms slip around my shoulders, hugging me from behind. _I know these arms…_

I turned slightly over my shoulder and saw nothing but endless black. My eyes shifted to the walls and from its translucent surface, I could just make out the silhouette of my brother's figure. _Ah…_

Eventually, my shoulder relaxed and I turned back around.

As the elevator continued its slow descent, I leaned my head back to its shoulder and stared blankly up the small and round LED lights decorating the lift's ceiling. _Soon. Soon, I'll come back to Gon. Soon, I'll be home._

* * *

The 50th floor was different from the Chairman's 300th floor. As soon as the elevator opened, I was greeted by the sight of women and men parading the spacious floor in different coloured gowns, suits and costumes.

A group of classical chamber music ensemble played some music from one side of the floor. But none paid attention to their playing. They kept playing anyway.

A long white-clothed table of food and beverages was lined up at one end of the room and long-legged tables stood to accommodate some guests. People conversed in groups while a few were content in standing on their own.

One person particularly stood out to me the most. He wore a light blue turban-like cap on his head and a white long sleeved shirt and pants. On top of this, he wore a plain darker blue slip-on-head cloth that reaches down his knees without covering the sides of his legs. He donned a blue scarf round his neck and black crew boots on his feet.

It reminded me of my first outfit inspired by star wars. Sadly, that costume wasn't a very happy one. Now, it was happily buried in Zevil's Island.

He was leaning his back on one fat marbled pillar. Not far from him, the zodiacs stood, occupying two round tables. On another table, Netero was smiling at Pariston who was busy conversing with him one-sidedly.

Cheadle Yorkshire, the dog, was saying something to Ging. As if feeling my stare, the green-haired woman glanced over her shoulder. Her eyes widened before they smiled. I watched as she said something again to Ging before she approached me with a silent happy bounce in her steps.

With nowhere else to go, I decided to meet her half-way.

''Gin-san! Come, join us.''

I gave her a slight bow. ''Yes. Thank you.'' For a moment, we didn't move. With a smile, she turned around and with a wave, she motioned me to follow. I realised then that she was waiting for me to lead to where I wanted to go then.

But then, I had nowhere else to go.

The Zodiacs seem to stop their conversations and decided to just stare at us as we approach – or me, in particular. Cluck whispered something to Monkey who narrowed his eyes at me.

Cheadle was quiet for a moment as we walked together. I saw her hands fidget from the corner of my eyes. She seemed loss for words.

''So, what does being a Zodiac like, Cheadle-sama?''

Her eyes brightened, glad that I started the conversation. It was odd. I was 12 and this person before me was a grown woman. And yet, it didn't feel like that. There was innocence in her aura – or maybe it was kindness.

Because no zodiac will be completely innocent.

But the spark of patience and knowledge in her eyes reminded me of who she was and that she's older than me. However, compared to Netero, Hisoka and Pariston, I didn't feel like a weak child beside her.

 _Dangerous,_ I immediately thought. _All Zodiacs are dangerous, possibly near or at Netero's level. But then again, I could take them down at night. Though I might die afterwards…_

In the end, I concluded that it must be because of the way she stood – back tilted back, elbows bent and hands holding each other. And maybe because of her smile and the gentleness of her eyes. Furthermore, she seemed eager to get to know me more. She literally oozed _curiosity_.

I was _Ging's_ daughter, after all.

And _Netero's_ apprentice.

Judging from her outfit, glasses and the way she moved, I shamelessly stereotyped her as the brainy one, the know-it-all, the good girl, the kind girl, the one that trusts easily…

 _No,_ I thought. _She can't trust me yet. She's the type that studies her opponents first, learn their history, the way they talk, their likes and dislikes... She's the one who befriends the potential. Or maybe she's just the nice one. She sees that no one was trying to welcome the young girl and so, she took the role. Because normally, that's how it's done._

''So… How do you like the party, Gin-san?'' She said, looking over her shoulder to me. She slowed her steps as if in attempt to have us shoulder to shoulder. With an enduring smile, I maintained a step behind her. Both for respect and caution.

What an awkward way of beginning a small talk though. And judging by the way her voice faltered and how her facial expression tightened, she knew this. But there was hope in there that I'd be polite enough to let the conversation go on.

I looked around, catching a number of people's eyes on me already. ''It's my first time… It's…'' I trailed off, searching for a better word. ''…grand.'' I looked down to the floor in slight embarrassment, silently reprimanding myself at my lame answer.

She chuckled but quickly stopped herself. I ignored the fact that we stopped in front of Ging who I can feel was watching me even though his eyes were closed. I placed a good 6 feet away from him.

''I'm sorry. You must think me rude.'' I shook my head no. I noticed the way her eyes flitted to my father's still form who had his arms crossed. A look of annoyance flashed in her eyes and her eyebrows curled a miniscule amount. Then, she smoothed her face in a blink. ''How long have you been training with the Chairman, Gin-san?''

After a little deliberating, I decided to not lie as much as I can. ''Just about 4 months, Cheadle-sama.'' She nodded, pursing her lips.

''You just started then…''

''Yes, Cheadle-sama.''

She grimaced. ''You don't have to call me Cheadle-sama. Cheadle's fine.'' I bowed but said nothing. ''Ah. So, what type of hunter are you, Gin-san?''

 _What is it that you want in this life, dear?_

''…Ah. That's okay if you don't know it yet.'' She shook her head, hands raising as if in surrender.

''I don't have any.''

Cheadle looked a little out of words. I smiled at her. ''What about you, Cheadle-sama? What do you hunt for?''

''I'm a Virus hunter.'' She looked happier and proud when my eyes widened on their own. I vaguely noticed that I leaned towards her when I did. She did the same. ''I'm also a part of the Science division. Gehru and Cluck are, as well.''

''…You look for new ingredients to make medicines then, Cheadle-sama?''

She nodded. ''Hm-mm."

''That sounds wonderful.''

''Some hunters also have other occupations. Aside being a Virus Hunter, I'm also a doctor and a lawyer.'' She glanced at Ging. ''Ging here, he's an archaeological hunter.'' I nodded, glancing at my father a little. She looked constipated, jaw clenched. Her eyes firing in irritation when she glanced at Ging once again.

I smiled at her not-so-obvious attempts at having Ging and I talk. Cheadle's feet shifted, facing away. Before she could form any more ideas or leaving us alone, I decided to let the topic flow. ''What does Gehru-sama and Cluck-sama do?''

''Oh… Gehru is a Poison Hunter while Cluck is a botanical hunter.''

Humming, I admit that I was impressed. Being a lover of science and maths, I love topics appertaining to biology, chemistry and physics. ''I didn't know that there's a lot of choices.'' I said, lowering my head in thought.

''Of course there are! '' She looked around as if catching herself. She let the excited smile on her face dim a little. ''There's a lot of choices so there's always time for you to find what you want.''

 _Find something you want. Find it and don't look anywhere else._

''- Although there should be something that _you_ want, Gin-chan!'' A loud voice pitched in. I heard his footsteps and then his shadow over my back. Cheadle's smiling face crumpled into a mix of extreme dislike and disgust. Her eyes threatened Pariston who stood a step behind me. I could see his smiling face even without looking.

On the other hand, Ging was still as silent as the pillar behind him, though I noticed how his whole form was neither relaxed nor tensed but ready. Pariston's heavy hands fell on my shoulders. Cheadle stiffened, hands fisting on her sides.

''Pariston.'' She growled. Pariston only hummed in response, hands shifting on my shoulders. He could easily crush them under his grip. But I could easily just disappear into my shadow form and re-appear before or as soon as he would.

'' _Ne, Gin-chan?_ What do you want for yourself? _''_ I turned my head slightly towards his grinning face.

 _I want to be free._

 _I want to go home._

 _I want to have peace._

''I want a husband,'' was what I ended up saying. He seem to stiffen in astonishment. Cheadle's jaw dropped while Ging seem to tense a little. Pariston's head pulled back slightly to look down on me. Then, his bright fake smile came back very soon.

'' _Eh?_ How _cuuute_! Do you have a type? Someone short and handsome as _your_ _dad_ here, perhaps?''

' _'_ _Hm_. That's difficult.'' I held my chin in thought, crossing one arm over my stomach and then propping the other on my hand.

''Difficult?''

''Short and handsome men like _my_ _dad_ have their own kind of appeal, indeed. But so do the tall ones. Dark hair, blond hair, brown hair, silver hair, no hair… Blue eyes, hazel eyes, gold eyes, green eyes, pink, blue… All the other colours from the spectrum are all very beautiful. When it comes to the build, of course, looking sickly and skinny isn't very desirable. But I find that it all comes down to style and the way the man wear himself.'' I smirked, remembering how taut Hanzo's muscles were. Biting my lips, I turned around, eyes scanning the room.

There was an awkward silence before someone coughed and suppressed their laughter (or tried). Butterflies fluttered inside my stomach as an idea completely became an objective.

 _There's bound to be some eyesomes here tonight. I might as well entertain myself._ My inner devil cackled. ''My…my…'' I whispered to myself, spotting a very familiar figure of a man. He had a woman, clad in a revealing red dress on his arm. I clicked my tongue and looked down to my conservative dress.

 _Why the heck didn't I think this before? This dress concealed my weapons, yes, but damn, it's so freaking un-sexy._

Mr. Receptionist casually walked the floor with the one of the receptionist ladies from the ground floor. She looked very sexy tonight, indeed. Bitch's adamant on getting the D. _Man… You go girl. But no shit, why wasn't I born earlier?!_

''A-herm.'' I felt my face relaxed. I didn't notice myself pouting. I looked up innocently at the blonde. He had this knowing look on his face, a manic grin on his lips and an eyebrow up and teasing. ''Someone you know, Gin-chan?''

I smiled, a touch flirty. ''Oh yes, definitely.'' I turned around again and found Mr. Receptionist looking at our direction warily. I sighed and rolled my eyes when I found everyone else who were not staring at me, watching the poor handsome young man. Soon, the woman who smirked at me before, glanced towards us and pulled her date away. I felt a tinge of disappointment at his retreating form.

''So…you want to become a wife and a mom, Gin-chan? That's so cute!'' Pariston clapped his hand, bending down and cooing at me. ''I bet you'll be a wonderful wife, Gin-chan!''

I smirked and crossed my arms. ' _'_ _Humph''_ I scoffed, closing my eyes. ''I didn't say wife, did I?''

' _'_ _Ehhhhh_?!''

Smiling wickedly back up at the mischievously mad vice-president, ''…And I didn't say mention any children. And sadly, there are just so _many_ men.'' I sighed and made a show of flicking my dark hair over my shoulder. My smile grew wilder as his eyes dilated, getting even more wicked than mine.

'' _Fascinating_ , Gin-chan!''

Smiling innocently now, I took a step back. ''Excuse me, Pariston-san.'' I turned to Cheadle who has gone pale and was now watching me with wide, horrified eyes. ''Cheadle-sama, Father…'' I gave them a slight bow. ''I'll take leave for a moment.'' I said and before they can say anything else, I walked away.

 _''_ _Pfft! Hahahaha!''_ Cluck's guffaw pierced through the music. '' _God! Hahahahaha! Your faces!''_

I felt a wave of triumph and disappeared in the crowd.

* * *

''W-who…W-who the hell taught her all those things!''

The Dog stomped her feet then turned from Pariston to Ging, angrily. ''Ging! Why won't you talk to her?! Go talk to her! She…She…She's 12!''

''She can handle herself.''

''Handle herself?! Ging! You didn't even try talking to her! What's wrong with you! That's your daughter and now she's…she's gone!''

Pariston's wicked laughter cut in. She took a deep breath to try calm herself. She glared at the Rat. _This guy…_ she thought, suspicious. _He's planning something towards that girl._

Cheadle saw Ging's daughter's face in her mind. She was mysterious, alright. And very hard to read. Monkey claims she's mad but Cheadle wasn't too sure. She was obviously acting and hiding something. But as to what, she's not sure. She concluded that she's either playing serious or playing mad. The latter sounded more credible. But Cheadle couldn't help but notice how comfortable she was with _Pariston_.

''Pariston.''

''Calm down, Cheadle,'' was his smooth answer. ''Ging's daughter's just hunting, right now.''

She scowled, puzzled. ''Hunting for what?''

''FOR BOYS!'' She turned to Cluck who shouted from her table. Besides her, Gehru smirked, closing her eyes, while Piyon, as usual, was busy pressing buttons on her phone. Ox, the only guy at the table, shook his head. Cheadle closed her parted mouth as she remembered how _Ging's_ _daughter_ touched Nana.

She crossed her arms, hugging herself. ' _'_ _My God…Who the hell taught her such things?''_ She mumbled to herself. She hated seeing kids act so grown-up. She looked up when finally, Ging moved. She was disgusted when all he did was turn around and leisurely walk away. Cheadle remembered his daughter's carefully blank face and the detachment in her tone. She was like that until _Pariston_ arrived and started corrupting the girl. ''Ging! Where are you going?!''

 _Can't you see Pariston's interest on her!_

''There's nothing going on. Obviously wasted my time.'' He mumbled. ''Well, see you!''

''Y-you!''

''Come on, Ging! Don't go yet!'' Pariston walked past her and followed the man she never thought was actually a father. A bad father whose daughter was…rebelling. _Yes, that's right_ , she thought. Gin didn't exude anything hostile at all. Sure, it was at first uncomfortable conversing with her, but she seemed like a good and polite girl.

Well, except when she found her letters on the table. Cheadle felt saddened by the girl's broken expression then. But she suddenly released such a cold aura that made the hairs on her skin freeze up.

 _A powerful Ren,_ she observed. _That girl's not a weakling at all. The Chairman wouldn't have a weak apprentice, after all._ But the confusing bit was when Ging's daughter suddenly cried, creating a new persona. The way her expression conspicuously changed – from murderous to innocent - was not subtle at all. In fact, Cheadle doesn't think Gin cared if her expression looked designed. Is it because it is, or because it isn't?

As horrifying as it sounds, she… she was awfully similar to _Pariston_. Now that man, obviously, is evil. _I will not let him have his way, that Pariston!_

However, the Chairman seemed to like this about him. With no doubt, that man was the one who placed all those letters on their table.

Gon and Gin – twins of Ging. Monkey had already aired his wish to _test_ the apprentice. Gigante, the dragon was looking forward to it. Cluck seemed very entertained with the girl's wild streak. In short, Pariston got everyone very curious about the girl already.

She had guiltily took one of the many letters from the table and ignored Ging's presence beside her. What she got from it was an image of an affectionate, loving and sweet girl (who swears a little bit too much for a 12 year old).

However, the one she faced was someone whose actions looked contradictory. One moment she seemed like the serious prodigy that Cheadle imagined her to be, then the next, she acts like an innocent, naïve child, then the next thing she knows, the child acts like a woman – a _woman_.

Again, as horrifying as this sounds, so similar to _Pariston._

She watched as Pariston followed the father, asking the archaeological hunter to stay for a bit more. ''We have more to do, Ging! Besides, the chairman has told us to stay throughout, yes?''

''I didn't agree to that.''

''I'm planning on asking Netero to spar with his apprentice!'' Cheadle jerked. She saw Ging stop as well. _''_ Everyone wants to be the one to test the apprentice. How about you?'' The Rat asked, smiling evilly.

With a click of his tongue, Ging trudged off and disappeared from the crowd.

Cheadle felt heavy. The girl might be good but she won't be that good to face any of the Zodiacs, especially a triple star hunter like Pariston. Ging obviously knows this. That man won't go yet, right? He would watch over his daughter… But much to her extreme irritation, Cheadle can't say for sure. Ging and Pariston…those two were unpredictably annoying.

Gin seems like a prideful person too, judging from the way she held herself up. Cheadle stifled a sigh. _She'll meet more people stronger than her anyway. She needs to accept that there are people stronger than her. But still…_

 _She's in her period._

 _That's going to be tough…_

* * *

I sauntered and shouldered my way through the crowd while I was on the lookout for some hot men.

 _Ooh…Hottie at 1 o'clock! Yass… Look at that jawline! I wonder how he looks under that suit. Hm…Oh look! He has a friend! He's hot too! Yum…Wait. They're hugging. They're not gay, are they? No matter, they're both hot! Gggggoodness…So jealous…_

I caught a flash of pink and red. I froze, head snapping to his direction.

 _What's he doing here?!_

He wore his usual red vest above his white over-alls. A light purple turban hat sat on his peach-orange hair and he still had that quiver of arrows on his back. I trembled at my place, watching the young man as he held a small plate of chocolate frosted doughnuts.

 _What is he doing here?!_ He licked his fingers as he busily pondered about which food he wanted. As if sensing my stare, he glanced over his shoulder and then did a double take when his eyes caught me. With eyes wide, he tilted his head to the side. He looked down in a second as he deliberated. Then, he straightened up and walked towards me, a smile slowly gracing his face.

I took an instinctual step back and he faltered, eyebrows curling in confusion. ''Oi. Remember me? Pokkle.'' He pointed at himself. ''…Why d'ya look like you've seen a ghost?''

His dead face flashed in my head. The way the Chimeras feasted on his meat… _Why is he here_?

Without removing his eyes from mine, he placed the plate in his hand on the empty tray held by a passing waiter. I grew colder when he carefully walked closer to me. He scanned our surroundings. ''Where's your brother? You look sick.'' I felt his hands on my arms. He sighed. '' You lost? Want me to escort you back to your bro…''

I found myself gripping his fore-arms. The arms they'd tear apart, biting and munching and groaning at the taste of him while he stared on blankly. I shivered, knees weakening. I let myself rest on his chest, hearing his heart beat and feeling him breathe. ''Oy…''

I placed my hand on his beating heart. _Alive. He's alive right now._ His body hummed with energy and warmth _. Not dead._ ''…You okay, Gin? Gin?''

''…You remember me?''

He chuckled. ''Of course I do! You're the one who seduced Hanzo!'' I felt my face fell before my lips twitched up.

''…Really, that's what you remember?'' I weakly said. I blinked as the young man gently pushed me to stand on my feet again. ''Oh…I'm sorry. Didn't…I didn't…I don't know what happened there. Got a bit dizzy.''

He gazed at me, worried before he let himself smile. ''You sure you're okay now?''

I nodded, stopping myself from crying. A painful ache was slowly forming inside my chest. _Ask him what he's doing. Ask him where he's going. Get his number. Thank him._

''…So, I'm guessing you're a hunter now? Wait…That came out wrong. Heh…I mean, you passed the second part of the hunters exam then? Found a teacher?'' He smiled.

''Yes.'' I nodded, my breath sounded a little hoarse. Probably due to the lump residing in my throat. ''Yes, I have. You, Pokkle-san?''

He nodded too, looking both relieved and proud. ''Are you experiencing any difficulties with it?'' he asked. I tilted my head to the side.

''Not really…'' taking note of his disappointed expression, I hid my smile. ''Did you?'' It got a little harder when he blushed.

''Guess no point lying…'' he mumbled before nodding his head and scratching cheek. ''I found it hard to master my _Ren._ But I'm better at it now. Just need to continue training, of course!''

I nodded, taking note to do the same as soon as possible. I looked down at our feet. When I looked up, he was staring at me, scrutinising.

''Something wrong?''

''You feel a little different.''

Raising my eyebrows, he smiled, a little shy. ''Sorry. I meant you look…uh…'' A pink dash appeared on the apples of his cheeks.

Finally getting it, I decided to tease him. ''Prettier?'' _Sexier? Hotter?_

He looked away. ''Ah…''

''Pokkle-san…''

''Hm?''

I offered him my palm. ''Please…May I have your number?'' His eyes widened, his cheeks growing pink.

''Ha?''

''Please? May I contact you again?''

''Uh… '' He searched my eyes and then, ''…Sure I guess. I think I have a pen right here…'' Biting his lip, he rooted for a pen from his pocket. I smiled at his uncertain expression. When he was done, I looked down at my palm and memorised his mobile number and email address. ''May I have yours as well?''

''I don't have any yet. But I'd contact you as soon as I get them.'' He nodded and we were enveloped in a brief and awkward silence where we both looked away from each other while we ponder for a topic to talk about. At the corner of my eyes, I saw a dark-blue figure dash and hid against a pillar. Not far from her, Ginta and Piyon were not even bothering to hide. Ginta waved at me heartily whilst Piyon only glanced at me before turning her attention back to the phone.

''Would you like to just walk around with me? Are you with anyone, Pokkle-san?'' He shook his head.

''Well… Not really. I was with my trainer but we already parted ways.'' He said and offered his arm.

I gave him one coquettish smile before accepting his slim arm, wrapping my hands around it and pressing it closer to my chest – the way I always do with my dear Gon. A thought cross my mind saying that I was cheating but that was absurd, right? I mean…Gon's not here so…It's okay.

Pokkle looked a little more taken aback. I wondered for a moment if he's pull away but then with a sigh, he forced himself to relax and let me hang onto his arm. ''Where do you want to go?''

''Oh…Just walk around.'' I pulled him and did just that. ''Maybe comment on how pretty the ballroom is…How _grand_. But then, there's too many white. Too much plainness, purity, cleanliness, whatever it is you think White is for…''

Picking up the question, Pokkle gently led me away to a less crowded area. Through the busy bodies, I saw a rather empty terrace. My escort seemed to have read my mind as our steps took on a more decisive stride.

''Yeah. You're right. Though I think white means danger.'' he nodded, pursing his lips as if he just noticed the setting.

''Danger?'' I never matched white as danger. Although, it can be, I guess.

''Easy to taint.'' He smiled. ''You need to be careful with white.'' He grinned sheepishly. ''Ha! Oh well, I just went here for the food, actually. And because I was somewhere close.''

''Ahh.''

''Something wrong, Gin? When you saw me…'' he chuckled. ''Did I look bad, or something?''

 _Maybe you did since I've seen you dead before_.

Cluck, Ginta and Piyon, were still following. Looking up to Pokkle, I found him scouring our surroundings as discreetly as he can. A crease formed between his eyebrows. I smiled, _he can sense them though he can't see them,_ I thought. _That's good. Very good._

 ** _But not good enough._**

''…So, what type of Hunter do you want to be, Pokkle-san?''

''Beast Hunter!''

''Ah… Interesting.'' I managed to say. He smiled in reply.

''How about you, Gin?''

''I don't know yet.''

''Ah… How about your likes, Gin? What do you want?'' I closed my eyes and relaxed as the cool air greeted my skin with a caress. I wanted to sit down. Looking around, I spotted a floral-gilt setee from the corner just beside the opened door. A hand fell on the small of my back and led me towards it.

I sighed, utterly grateful for the chair. I felt very uncomfortable between my legs. ''The night looks beautiful today.'' I commented airily, admiring how the dark blue sky was peppered with silver sparkling dots. At the other end of the veranda, there was a couple standing, talking privately with each other. They seem harmless but I kept a careful watch on them anyway.

Pokkle sighed and reclined on the back of the seat, propping his arms up on the sofa's frame then looked up at the sky. ''Yeah...'' he agreed. ''Beautiful.''

I smiled, feeling oddly happy at his comment. ''What about the night that you like, Pokkle-san?''

He hummed, glancing at me then up the sky once again. ''I guess it's the simplicity of it. I mean…The night's always been here like the day and yet, the night…the night holds a beauty that the day doesn't. It's like…it is… _peace_ or rest after a day's work, for example. Then, the stars…'' he glanced at me again and I smiled encouragingly at him. With a rueful smile, he added, ''I guess for me, the night reminds us how small we are in this world. Just looking at those stars right there and the ever-changing moon, you realise it, don't you?'' I nodded. ''The night tells us and shows us what we miss in the day.''

''…Like…What?'' I tilted my head to the side curiously.

He turned to me once again, smiling boyishly. '' _Hm…_ Like the fact that every day is hard work but at the end of it, you'll find rest.''

Smiling once more, I reached boldly to touch his face, totally invading his personal space. I ignored how he stiffened. ''I don't know.'' I whispered. He blinked, looking confused.

''Don't know what?''

''I don't know what I want…I want too many.'' I smiled as I felt the flower of pain and guilt blossom in my chest. The older guy reached out and patted my head gently.

 _Why do I torture myself like this?_

''Hey…That's ok. You'll find it.'' He advised.

Knowing that there were people were watching, I gulped and wiped the tears that fell from my burning eyes. ''Thanks, Pokkle.'' He opened his mouth as if to say you're welcome. Quickly, I leaned in and stole his lips.

He gasped as I pulled back.

''…Thank you for your help from the exam, Pokkle. And right now.'' I smiled, smirking slowly at his frozen and pallid complexion. Eventually, he blinked, losing the haze covering his eyes. ''…Y-you…'' he tried to frown and look angry.

''Take care, Pokkle. I hope…I wish that you'll be fine. Be careful from those beasts you want to hunt. Thank you for the kiss too. I love them.'' With a small smile, I stood up, ignoring my heavy stomach and ambled away, glancing down at his contact details written on the palm of my hand.

* * *

 _AN: Gin loves kisses...and men. Ging and Gin are so close but so far away. Gin wants too many things that also contradict each other. You can't be strong if you want peace because you must always fight and train to test and improve your skills._


	39. Chapter 36 - Shadows of Night

**Chapter 36 – Shadows of Night**

 _''You can't turn a bad girl good, but once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever.'' ~ Jay-Z_

 _''Power resides where men think it resides. It's a trick. A shadow in the wall and a very small person can cast a very large shadow. ~ Varys, Game of Thrones._

* * *

After leaving a dumbstruck Pokkle, I felt a _little_ sorry for the young man. But at the same time, I felt _too_ good to care. I swayed my hips to a music that I can only hear while walking, lips curling into a self-satisfied smirk. Biting my lips, I remembered how soft his lips were. As weird as this sounds, I felt a lot better after kissing him.

 _Does this make me a kissing obsessed bitch?_ The little good girl at the darkest corner of my mind yelled at the top of its imaginary lungs, saying _yes, yes, I was._

 _But damn…If I took it a little further…Would he allow me then?_ A stray thought drifted into my head. I tightened my lips to stop my smirk from getting wider, reminding myself that any wider and I'd look like a creep.

There was a dash of blue and white, a shadow of a big man and a petite girl's body, I quickened my gait in a futile attempt to escape them with no avail.

''Someone's happy!'' Cluck caught up with my steps easily with her longer and toner legs.

She wore a pair of knee-high boots, a very short shorts, bra, wings and the feathers accessories decorating her head, arm gloves and her rear. She looked ridiculously like a chicken.

I would wear something like her costume but no way in hell would I make it my permanent ensemble. I smiled at her tightly before turning and continued wandering away from the Zodiacs' table. A hand wrapped itself around my right arm, twisting around it like a python. Tensing, I felt her notice the arm strap and the weights around my wrist.

She purred. '' _Hm…_ Impressive! She's armed, too.'' She teased again. She felt the bulging bracelet around my wrist. ''…Are these weights?''

Sighing, I tried to pull my arm back half-heartedly, just to check if she'd let me go. But the usually scowling woman held my arm only closer to her abundant chest. I looked down at them before I could help myself, feeling my jealousy and amazement slowly getting the better of me. Her lipstick-stained lips smirked.

I rolled my eyes away and tripped a little when the woman suddenly pulled me right towards the end of the room where the Zodiacs were. Ginta and Piyon silently followed us. Catching my eyes, the big man smiled graciously. The latter was innocently typing on her phone, as usual.

''…Netero wants you.'' She tut-tut and I had to jog a little to keep up with her long legs. ''You're a _baad_ girl, aren't you?! Kissing that poor boy like that then leaving him hanging!'' She tut-tutted then yanked my arm. I clenched my jaw in annoyance because she was far from being gentle with it. ''… _Mo_! Will you answer?! _''_

''…I apologize. But do you know what he wants?''

''Betcha he wanted _more_.'' Her voice deepened.

''I meant the Chairman, Cluck-sama.''

She puckered her lips and turned her nose up as she to sulked. I waited patiently. Eventually, she sighed, exasperated before she glanced down at me; pink eyes glittering puckishly.

 _Trouble._

Her arms tightened even further. I ignored how uncomfortable her breath was near my ear. ''…They want to test you. Last time I was there, there were already placing bets on how long you'd last.'' I paused, looking blankly at the polished marbled flooring as we strode over it.

I discovered that in the middle of the ballroom, a large golden medallion similar to the sun was designed. Along with the fragile and luxurious chandeliers above, the bronze sconces embedded on the white-painted walls, the few green plants at some corners here and there and hints of golden trimmings from the table cloths and curtains, the ball room, I realised, _had_ more life than just white.

I guess I was a little too lost and depressed to notice this a while ago. Thanks to Pokkle, I felt much rejuvenated.

Going back to Cluck's helpful information, I pondered if I'll be able to escape this one. I was far from okay. I've forgotten how uncomfortable _menstruation_ was. This made the knives I have useless since I can't properly move.

But if I use my _hatsu_ , I might successfully end everything with little or no damage. But then again, this would jeopardise my abilities to everyone from the Zodiac. The more they know about my ability, the more they'd be able to go around it and defeat me.

 _But if I get stronger…_

In the end, I decided to just go for it. I can't use my knives and I wasn't in the mood to go physical. After all, I don't think my combat skills were good or fast enough for a hand-to-hand combat with a _Zodiac_.

''You look like you just decided on something.'' I turned to Cluck. As far as I know, my face was carefully blank.

She smiled smugly. ''It's in your eyes, dear.''

I let myself frown. ''My eyes?'' I asked, remembering Hisoka suddenly. He commented on them multiple times.

Cluck's smirk widened. ''…You don't know, huh?'' Her voice sounded like she was egging me to ask.

I merely frowned and decided that it would only be tedious to entertain her at all. I know for a fact that my eyes were hazel brown like Gon's, although mine don't shine as bright as Gon does. Not to mention that we inherited our eyes from Ging. Now that I've seen the real him, I won't be able to look at my reflection without being reminded of our father.

I looked away and attempted to free myself once again. She didn't let go but chuckled lowly. I kept my face indifferent as we paraded. The crowd parted before us like the red sea.

''…Gin-chan.'' A kinder male voice called. I glanced at Ginta over my shoulder. ''Who would you like to spar with?'' He asked smilingly, his voice completely curious with no added malice. I stared at him for a second, gauging his personality.

 _No hostile aura at all. An honest face. But that's the same for mostly everyone - difficult to read and their strength carefully concealed._

I closed my mouth and wetted my dried lips. ''…Anyone would do fine, Ginta-san.''

Cluck laughed once again, almost half-throwing herself at me. ''Well…'' she wiped a tear off. ''…You might fight your dad! But he disappeared already. That bastard!'' She tutted then smiled like a crazy mother hen. ''If he doesn't appear, then it might be Pariston you'd fight or Saiyu.''

''Saiyu?''

''The Monkey! Try to remember all our names! Wait, you remember me right?''

''Cluck-sama.''

She patted my head, cooing. ''Good girl!''

''How about me?''

''Ginta-sama.''

Sensing the rabbit's eyes on my back, ''Piyon-sama.'' I recited. She hummed in response.

Pariston sparkled and waved at us when we exited the crowd. ''Gin! Come! Come! We have a wonderful idea!'' His excited tone made my heartbeat skip a beat. Cluck was correct. Ging left already.

 _Thank the Gods._

I felt detached. Normally, I'd be having cold-sweats right now. I know that if I can, I'd be away and avoiding this group of strong people. Perhaps it was the night, maybe it was because Ging was nowhere in sight, or maybe it was the effect of the anti-depressants.

 _It will end very soon,_ I comforted myself.

* * *

''…So, do you agree, Gin-chan?!'' Pariston held his fingers interlinked just below his chin. His head was tilted to the side and his back bending down as if to accommodate my height. But I recognised the intimidation tactic he was pulling, of course. Invasion of personal space, casual touches…

I've done them all myself. Still doing them, actually. Not to mention, I've had so much experience with psychopathic men trying to intimidate me. Like Hisoka, for example. And now…I just met the blonde version.

My gaze shifted to Netero who was silently watching us, grey eyes glinting merrily. His hands were hidden under his broad sleeves as he held them together over his stomach. Our eyes met and the smile on his lips tugged down a little.

''Monkey's fighting you since your father already left and sadly, the other zodiacs didn't give me any votes.'' I heard the blonde Hisoka say. He threw his head back, hands shaking beside his ears. '' _God! I hate democracy!_ ''

''That Ging! Isn't he awful, leaving you here!? Ah! I'm sorry! Ging's just like that you know, _nothing_ is as important as his work!'' Pariston continued to babble, barely hiding his sharp attacks under his sparkling and faux-compassionate mask.

I stared up at him impassively and bowed, ignoring how my chest was burning in annoyance and silent anger towards this man. ''I'm looking forward to it.'' I droned out.

''Alright! Let's go!''

 _I'm defeating that Monkey,_ I decided. A whisper of cold air played with my hair as I followed the group outside. My shadows stirred without anyone of them noticing. No one did, maybe except Netero.

After this, however, they'll forever be aware of it. And so, they should. Everyone and everything cast shadows, after all. So long as we all do, even a small person like me can defeat even the biggest of them all.

* * *

At the peak of the month of July, the season was still warm and humid. The trees and the plants were at their greenest and life is most abundant. I froze in my step, just finally realising something.

My birthday has gone by without me even noticing.

''Something wrong, Gin-chan?'' Cheadle asked from my left. I finally caught myself and resumed walking along the empty corridor. I maintained a step behind Netero while Pariston was smiling happily on his right. The rest of the Zodiacs were behind us and I could feel their gazes hot on my back.

''Nothing.''

The dog fell quiet, looking more despondent as time passed.

''What ails you?''

Blinking owlishly, she turned to me then forced herself to smile. She shook her head, eyes flitting down to the floor as she thought of something. ''Nothing.'' She replied eventually. Then, biting her lip, she added, ''I wish you luck, Gin. Do you best.''

Softened at her kindness, I nodded at her. ''I will.''

After a few more hallways, turns and lifts, the final elevator stopped its descent, carrying all of us to our destination – an arena circled by thousands of seats.

''The Hunters Association has four fairly large training ground facilities located outside. But most of the grounds are artificial and occur inside. This was a training site before but it was remodelled and now serves as an arena where some hunters can blow up some steam and for the audience to watch them do so,'' explained Cheadle.

I nodded. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Cheadle deflate as if disappointed by my weak reaction (or lack thereof).

I blinked, eyes focusing to Saiyu who suddenly conjured a long priest staff and used it as leverage to fly through the air and land swift as a monkey in the middle of the floor.

Feeling everyone else's eyes on me, I calmly followed whilst the others sauntered to their seats, murmuring and re-asserting their bets. Sadly, they are all for the Monkey.

''I am betting for you, Gin-chan!'' All, except Pariston, it seems.

''I, as well, Gin! Do your best!'' I paused, not expecting Cheadle.

''FINE! I'm withdrawing from Saiyu! I'll bet 200,000 Jennies for her!'' Cluck suddenly yelled. ''Bean! Here! Make my previous one null, okay? I'm betting 200, 000! 200, 000 for Gin-chan!'' She announced haughtily.

I turned and looked up at them. Cluck, Cheadle and Pariston were busy glaring at each other – well two were glaring while Pariston was only smiling, as usual. The other Zodiacs were watching them with various expressions on their face – some looked inscrutable, others incredulous, a few bored.

Bean was there as well, I just noticed. He held a brown box in his hands that contain all the bets. He gave me an apologetic and comforting smile. I gave him a small smile before I let it drop.

''I'm betting 500, 000.'' retorted Pariston softly with a fake sigh. He had one hand touching his chest while the other he bent at the wrist. Not far behind him, Netero was sat, sipping a cup of tea.

''800, 000!'' Cluck placed her hands on her hips and cocked on leg forwards.

''1 million!'' Cheadle crossed her arms, looking proud of herself. I frowned, very confused. That was a little out of character for Cheadle. Well, in my perspective of the idea of _her,_ anyway. _And what the fuck are they doing?_

''2 MILLION!'' Pariston clapped his hands and beamed at the two. ''2 Million Jennies that my Gin-chan will win this match!''

 _My Gin…_ My face curled up into one of disgust. Pariston gave me a thumbs up and I turned away at the sight of him. I have such a confusing blend of feelings bubbling inside of me. I was confused for the most part, but at the same time, I was a little _happy._ Their bets made me feel…important. They made me feel noticed. Even though they're probably just making fun of me or trying to win against each other.

 _My Gin-chan…_ I gripped my hands tighter together. _Why does that sound so ominous? Did I unintentionally dug up another grave for me?_

 _Yes, you idiot!_ The rational part of me answered and I squished it down before it can tempt me to talk back at her. I cannot afford another conversation to myself at the moment.

''She's Ging's daughter, Pariston. Not yours.'' I heard Cheadle say; voice low and grim.

There was an answering giggle. '' _Hm_? Blood does not always mean love, Cheadle.''

''You guys are sick.'' Cluck merely said and I heard her heeled boots clack away.

I closed my eyes and continued my way forwards. _Blood doesn't mean love,_ I repeated quietly.

As far as I know, I had no father. As far as I know, calling him when I need help meant nothing. This is why…why need that selfish man at all? As far as I know, I've survived this long without him, and I will continue to do so until the day I perish again in this world.

Maybe I'll get lucky in my next life and forget everything.

* * *

''Alright!'' Cheadle's voice was thin but it carried. ''This is only a spar, Saiyu, Gin. Only a spar! When one yields, the other must stop! Understand?!''

I maintained our eye contact and nodded. Saiyu's lips curled conceitedly and jerked his head once. He believed he can beat me easily. From his eyes, I could almost see his thoughts. He was already imagining my battered face and body – my defeat. I wondered if he and Ging had some kind of bad blood and now I was the one receiving his ire. I wave of fury gripped my heart and twisted my insides. _I know people like him._

Togari did the same. He was extremely frustrated and so, he decided to make himself feel better by killing the closest weak thing around him. It just happened that I was there. If it was someone else, that person would've died already.

Up close, Saiyu really resembled a monkey. Was his love for Netero that great that he did that to himself or was it natural?

His lips appeared to be fixed into a sneer, his eyes calculating and impish, and his eyebrows were arched high, giving him an imperious look. Even though I make it a point never to judge people by their cover, I confess that he looks like a proper son of a bitch.

My favourite feature of his, however, was his wonderful, six-pack abs.

 _Now, that…that looks a proper yum. Look at how sculpted they are.! Strange though, his upper torso can't be far from Gon's size…_

He shifted as if uncomfortable and glowered even more menacingly at me. _If only he had a good personality…_

I smiled, a touch seductively. He didn't react. In fact, he looked downright disgusted and looked at me like I was some kind of cockroach. I crossed out seduction methods right away. This left a full out dom-to-sub approach. The only way to make him surrender would be to disable him - physically, mentally and emotionally.

 _How troublesome…_

 **''FIIIIIGHTTTT**!'' Ginta's voice boomed and echoed around us.

''…Because you're younger, I'd allow you to attack me first.'' The Monkey began. A cooler wind passed us. He didn't notice my shadows stir.

''Oh really?''

I let the smile I've been hiding overtake half of my face. Purring in sheer amusement, I giggled. For a Zodiac, the Monkey was stupid.

For him, I was just a weak little girl whose father didn't love her enough for him to stay. I frowned, feeling something cold stab my chest. But then, in a few seconds, the feeling was gone.

'' _Her eyes…Curious...''_ My ears perked, picking up their low voices.

People like them love to see the weak fall on their hands and knees, drooling, trembling and begging for mercy. _People like Saiyu...Pariston..._

They deserved to know who I was – not as Ging's daughter, nor Netero's apprentice, but as myself. The thin sheet of aura covering my skin undulated, increasingly becoming more violent.

 _En,_ I thought and scoured the whole arena, searching for any more watchers. Because I can and also for safety. I needed to know if I have an additional watcher. Saiyu stiffened, feeling the release of _Nen_ but chose not to move. Instead of feeling drained, the feeling it gave me was more liberating. Like removing an unnecessary baggage off my shoulders. It eased the ache around my stiff neck.

There were 10 powerful Zodiacs huddled together from the audience seats. The 11th I was facing, the 12th hidden from the shadows. _Ah… Ging_ is still here, taking comfort in the shade where he thought none would see him.

From my mind's eyes, I saw him look down on the shadowed floor, eyes wide and sharp. When he turned over his shoulder, he found the walls at the same state - shrouded by my presence. _Useless father_ , I thought.

 _''Stu-pid…''_ I sang and let the flower tucked in my ear wither away into dust. _''Stupid…''_ I couldn't help but laugh, highly amused at their wide-eyed expressions. The sound was like a tiny bell ringing in a dark night, beckoning lost little children deeper into the darkness.

 _Control it. Don't show them everything,_ I reminded myself, albeit feeling a little disappointed. I wasn't completely stupid. I knew I needed to hide as much of my abilities as I can. There was no point going all out when it was only spar, after all. This was why I didn't bother donning my Night Shroud. To anyone watching, it would only look like I can manipulate shadows and conjure monsters at will.

 _Nothing impressive_ , if you ask me. Though it would really be easier if I just go all out and defeat him right away. I would only require a touch to gain ownership of his life, after all. But alas! I needed to be as discreet as I can. Keep your cards close, is what they say. Furthermore, I didn't want to faint and fall under a coma once again.

The moon above peered out of their dark clouds and shone bright, full and scarred down at us. Three figures emerged from the earth.

A towering humanoid monster with black scaly skin, bloody fangs for teeth and a long forked purple tongue crawled out from his hole, drooling at the sight of a prey.

A half-skeletal dead child still holding onto his bear followed next, his eye sockets empty and staring.

A black-haired pale woman with only half of her body screeched, her intestines hanging out.

'' _Do not kill him.''_ I ordered and they wilfully attacked, swift and deadly as shadows of night.

 _''Three Monkeys!''_ Saiyu called out as three monkeys appeared out of nowhere. _''Mizaru, Kikizaru, Iwazaru_ \- the three Monkeys to steal your senses, young girl. Sight, hearing and taste, without them, you'd slowly lose yourself.'' I heard him say.

I tilted my head to the side, watching my monsters circle around him, dodging his priest staff. The three monkeys he conjured stayed motionless. I smiled when he successfully hit the child. His staff met air and he tensed as the boy reformed right in front of him. His lips lifted up into an amused smirk. ''...Not bad, girl.'' he praised.

When I opened my eyes, I saw none. Then, I heard none, and taste none. It reminded me so much of the _void._ The one I thought I'll never be in again. _It's been a long time._

I lifted my hands and wiggled my fingers. _I could still feel._ I felt a rush of air coming closer. _What is it?_

I gasped as I felt a painful hit on one side of my head. I groaned, seeing stars even with my blind eyes. My feet left the floor and I felt the ground grind against my elbow. I slowly propped myself up, feeling warm blood trickling down the right side of my face. I reached out and felt the liquid then brought it to my lips. _Blood,_ I thought. _It tasted blood._

From my other hand, I could feel the warm earth underneath my palms and a series of vibrations on the ground and on air. _Fighting…they're still fighting. Even without me…_

'' _Children?''_ I called. There was a pause and I felt someone running closer.

A warm forked tongue licked my cheek. I knew then that it was the humanoid monster. The air shifted up and down, fanning my back as the woman manananggal - an aswang remained flying stationary just behind. I read about her from a book of horror stories and folklores back in Whale Island. She looked so disgusting, hideous and scary that she gave me nightmares for ages.

Then, a small finger poked my cheek - the undead child. I blinked. I didn't expect them to come to me. ''Josh, Marina and...Kit.'' I decided. ''Go, defeat him. Protect me.''

There was a rush of air and they were gone. The vibrations resumed, louder and stronger than before. I felt myself carried and laid on someone's back. I caressed the smooth scales of his arms. _Need to touch him,_ I whispered in my head, testing if he'd hear it.

Goosebumps raced across my skin when the monster under me created a shrilling noise out of his mouth.

A bit later, a rough hand grabbed the back of my dress and threw me to the air. I gasped as I felt a punch land on my stomach. I coughed, blood and spit when my back hit the floor. I felt it give way and break from the impact. Remembering myself, I held the fist in my two hands.

 _A touch to mark my ownership. By will, I shall take and by will, I can give._

Suddenly, his weight left mine and I can feel someone's presence near me. It was Kit, I knew it. When I sat up, I felt his head on my shoulder as he plastered himself from my back.

 _Give me your life energy, Saiyu. Leave only a little for yourself._ I thought. The vibrations stopped once again and when I blinked next, I saw him fall on his knees, eyes wide in mixed puzzlement and horror; His mouth parted open before his face fell on the floor.

I blinked once again to ease my blurring eyes then flinched when I was suddenly bombarded with an array of sounds. My gaze shifted to Josh and Marina, growling and screeching at the unconscious Zodiacs, looking proud of their victory.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes at the scent of blood, sweat and earth surrounding us. When a gust of wind came, it brought me a range of scents coming from the Zodiacs.

Suddenly, a boom erupted and Gigante landed beside his fallen comrade, his intense gaze shifted from the Monkey and then to me. Under his feet, Josh was squished. Marina, the aswang, wailed and bristled.

 _Come._ The shadow underneath his feet leaked out and reformed back to its original form as if nothing happened. The monster looked over his shoulder and snarled before running on his hands and feet, back to his me – his master.

I slowly pushed myself up to my feet as the other Zodiacs came running. With a small smile, I reached out and caressed Josh's bald head. His long, purple tongue extended, licking the blood dripping from my mouth. The rough tongue reminded me of Foxy's. It trailed from my chin and extended further to reach the bloodied side of my face.

My body was unhurt. Instead, I felt invigorated, filled with Saiyu's energy. He was strong. _So strong..._ I knew then that he was capable of doing more. It just happened that I ended his chances first. Also, the difference between stealing life from trees was far, far, different than that from a real person, I realised.

 _Imagine if I didn't give his life back..._ I crushed the thought before it can take root.

It wouldn't be for long. I'd fall asleep very soon. The child, Kit was still hanging on my back, head tucked on my shoulder. The woman, Marina only stared at me with her dark, blood-shot eyes.

''A-amazing!'' I heard Pariston approaching. I willed the shadows away before he moves in any closer and inspect them. In a soft hush, the monsters faded into formless shadows.

''Gin-chan! That was amazing!'' I ignored the vice-president. His stare burned and I felt it rake over my whole body. He stopped on my left with his eyes fixed on me. Meanwhile, I observed the other Zodiacs flocking around the unconscious Saiyu. Cheadle knelt and felt for his pulse. Gigante, Kanzai, Gehru and Nana were watching me intently. The others, too.

''It's faint...'' Cheadle said, eyes shifting to me then up to Cluck.

Not enjoying the fact that he was being ignored, Pariston stupidly reached for my small two hands, forcing me to face him.

 _A touch to mark my ownership. By will, I shall take and by will, I can give._

He seemed to feel this since he suddenly dropped my hands. His bottomless dark eyes gazed down at me. His eyes looked almost dead, so detached from this world but so very capable of inflicting unimaginable cruelty. He knew what just happened. He didn't like it. I can feel goose bumps slowly racing across my arms and my common sense told me to create some distance between us or better yet, flee. I could feel his aura shifting.

I turned my head to the side just as I felt my sleeve fall off my shoulder. When I looked down, I didn't realise that my once-pretty dress was now half-destroyed. A part of me regretted the fact that I didn't allow myself to have my protective shroud. If I did, it would have saved the dress.

My inner garment was pulled back a while ago when Saiyu threw me off to air. As a result, the sleeves were now hanging, showing off my black sports bra to everyone. My stomach was also visible to everyone. Thus, they can see the smooth, unhurt pale skin instead of a massive purple bruise on my stomach. My left arm –the one that grinded against the floor was dirty but unhurt. It was also on display since my left broad was half-disintegrated due to the friction.

 _Oops..._

It was easy to look detached when you feel oddly like that. I gave a small bow to the Zodiacs then turning to Pariston, I inclined my head to him ever slightly. Then, I walked away.

A warm gust of wind blew, rustling the tattered dress and tickling my exposed skin. Netero was already waiting by the exit, looking at me with a solemn expression on his face. One that closely resembled pity, for some reason. I frowned, feeling a familiar heavy weight in my chest once again. My eyes instinctively veered towards my father's direction where he hid behind a column.

Netero placed a hand on my shoulder and with a cheerful wave to the Zodiacs, he led me towards the elevator. Bean bowed as we passed him. ''Gather them to the meeting room while I put my little girl to bed, Bean.''

When I stepped into the lift's cooler confines, I noticed that I wasn't wearing my shoes either and I was staining the pristine red and gold flooring with my muddied feet.

As soon as the elevator closed, I shut my eyes and gave back what I took from the Monkey. My knees weakened and my heart slowed.

''You'll need more training, dear. You can't do this every time.'' I heard Netero's muffled voice as he curled one arm under my knees and round my shoulder. ''But well done.'' I sighed and listened to the sound of his strong heartbeat, lulling me to sleep.

That night, the Monkey learnt defeat once again and much to his horror, it was by the hands of a _girl_.

I successfully marked Pariston's life as mine.

Pariston, Cheadle and Cluck halved their winnings for the three of them.

I was hailed a true prodigy – the youngest _Nen_ master.

Well, that was what Pariston said, anyway. I'm sure that there are others. He just likes to exaggerate stuff.

''You didn't talk to your father.'' I heard Netero say as I fell deeper to sleep. Giving back the life energy I stole was what exhausted me the most, I realised. I was fine until I did it. I was dimly aware of him wiping my dirty feet with a warm cloth.

''…I had nothing... to say to him...'' I muttered and tucked my hands under one side of my face. ''I'm still mad at you.'' I whispered, dreaming of blue skies, warm sun, green trees and my father's hand hesitantly brushing my hair.

'' _Gin..._ '' I heard his voice say.

In the end, I really didn't need Ging. Not at all. And never will.

* * *

 _AN: Satisfied, or meh? Next chapter is the twins' reunion! It seems like Ging's a coward. He can't make himself approach his own daughter. Gin named her three shadows - Josh, Marina and Kit. I guess it was hard just calling them, the monster, the half-woman and the dead child, eh? Was she right not to go all out? Manananggals are real horror folklores! They originated from the Philippines. I think they prey on men. Fear cuts deeper than swords reference is from George Martin._

 _Happy birthday to WavyWavy! Thank you for all your reviews, everyone! As a writer, it's all we look forward to! I love hearing about your opinions, whether good or bad! Thank you so much for taking time and leaving a review for me. I still can't believe I have like 200+ reviews now. Wow...It's a lot. So sorry about any mistakes that I missed again! I just edited this chapter because when I re-read it, I found that I can't because the pace didn't feel very right._


	40. Chapter 37 - Adjusted sails

**Chapter 37 – Adjusted Sails**

 _''_ _And when the wind didn't blow her way, she adjusted her sails.'' ~ Elizabeth Edwards_

* * *

The way back to Padokea took three days. Whilst travelling, I mostly re-read my brother's letters, stared off into space, and drank tea with Netero and Bean, repeatedly trying to stop myself from thinking about useless thoughts like Rats, Monkeys, fathers and different possible scenarios of my demise.

Two pairs of my ribs were again, much bruised. Thank God, they weren't broken though. Although I have a feeling they may just break next time. When I awoke from my sleep in the morning after, Bean had given me some ointments, pain killers and ice to soothe the pain.

A thriving Areca Palm indoor plant was placed beside my bed in a not-so-silent suggestion that I take its life. I looked at the plant and felt infuriatingly disinclined to do so. But in the end, my paranoia took over and I marked its life as my own, to be taken just in case I need it in the future. However, I wasn't really very sure if it would work from a long distance. I reckoned that I would know this sooner or later.

The waiting part of it was the worst. I could barely stay still but I had to because bruised ribs or no, they still hurt. A lot. No matter how many times I had them, the pain was still there every time I breathe the wrong way.

I found myself constantly worrying over nothing. I was exultant to see my brother once again, even Killua! I was looking forwards to going back home.

But at the same time…I was scared.

The past 4 months or so was a _bliss_. Strange, yes, but true. During the three days of our journey, I realised how much I actually enjoyed Netero's back-breaking training and company. Unfortunately, I found my solitude relaxing as well. I didn't really like reflecting upon this very much. I know I still want to see and be with Gon and that's all that mattered. It was just…a good experience. Sure, Netero just threw balls at me most of the time and beat the shit out of me, then left me to fend for myself in Zevil's Island. But I grew to like this and I became stronger and more confident from all of them.

Presently, I absentmindedly fiddled with the weight shackled around my left wrist. Netero had wasted no opportunity to give me a new pair of wrist and ankle weights. He gave them to me with a smirk, saying that it was his _parting_ _gift_. The only difference was, I found them in a rectangular black box with even a red ribbon tied around it. And instead of them looking bulky and terrible, Netero had them disguised as wrist and bracelets. They were made of heavy gold and silver, twisted around like a rope.

 _Isn't he the sweetest?!_

I had smiled at him, unsurprised and happily took the pretty items. _At least they were very, very pretty._

Also, I may have developed a slight masochistic streak because I liked how heavy and how they made things a lot harder. They were definitely heavier than the previous ones but unlike the first weights he had _kindly_ given to me, they were _way_ lighter.

 _Now… if we think about this deeper, it sounds pretty awful. I mean…How heavy were those weights!? Were they any life-threatening?_

With only a backpack strapped around my shoulders, I almost reluctantly forwent bringing all the clothes I collected during my four months of staying under Netero's home (or two months in the 300th floor and the other half in Zevil's). Instead, I decided to bring an extra plain black dress, some underwear and _other essentials (if you're a girl, you should know)_. _Togari,_ I also kept inside my old bag. Despite of Bean's proposal of purchasing a new one, I refused. I found myself unwilling to part with it. Unlike my first outfit, the bag was the only one to survive.

 _Heck. Not even my boots or socks managed that._

My aim was to look as harmless as possible. I cannot really do these when I'm holding two hook-bill knives in my hands.

From the catalogue once again and totally abusing Netero's bank account, I chose to buy a new Chinese traditional high-chest hanfu dress. It was a short white dress reaching down to my knees, with black bamboo trees etched on the delicate cloth. It had a black thick sash to secure the inner garment and the skirt which in turn had pink orchids intricately woven into it.

I took a thin, narrow piece of hair from either side of my face and braided them. Just like how the girl from the wish book did. Since the sleeves were long, my weapons were successfully hidden from view unless of course, I raise my arms and flash them to everyone; thus, breaking my innocent-fragile-flower cover. The skirt also hid the throwing knives I still have sheathed around my thighs. For my feet, I bought a pair of plain black shoes. And thus, this completes my ensemble.

Twirling happily before a full-body length mirror, I brought the feathered-head-dress and placed them over my head. Then, I wrapped Gon's gift for me – a green scarf around my neck. It may have clashed with my new outfit a little bit but this little thing, I could ignore very easily since they made me feel…less lonely.

''…Gin.'' I stopped my fingers that were tapping endlessly against the table top. I looked up to Netero's grey eyes. When he was serious, his eyes were the colour of liquid mercury. Meanwhile, Bean was despondent, quietly sipping his tea beside him. We've been like this for three days.

The air was tensed and melancholy, though none of us would ever admit this. Maybe Bean would, but he wouldn't unless prompted or when near his boss who was acting like an uncaring, foolish grandfather next door. I was sat beside my backpack. There were three more rice cakes left on the polished white plate on our table, waiting to be eaten. But after nine cakes, I wasn't in the mood for more.

''Hm?'' I stared at him expectantly.

Netero sighed. ''Do you know why I even bothered coming with you to Padokea?''

''Because you can't bear to part with me and you want to spend more time with your cute little apprentice as much as possible?'' I smirked. But Netero just shook his head, though he cannot hide the slight pull from the corner of his wrinkled lips.

'' As you know, Pariston's been asking to meet you again. To ' _play',_ he says.'' I made a face, pursing my lips and holding my chin with my hand as I watched the blue skies outside our window.

''To put it short, Pariston's got a little obsessed with you. He, without doubt, is now going to follow you wherever you may go, threaten those you hold dear and watch every move you do, waiting to see a weakness.'' I stiffened. Mito's face and Grandma Abe's face flashed in my head. ''You're details are on private from the Hunters Association.'' He added. ''You know what this mean?''

I opened my mouth to speculate but shook my head. I felt suddenly too weak. Netero's eyes narrowed as if in disapproval. But he continued, nonetheless.

''This meant that no one could access your details except me. However…'' he paused. ''I don't need to remind you who Pariston is, do I?'' I shook my head. To my utter bafflement, Netero smirked, eyes glinting as if half-amused and half- proud. I felt a pang of betrayal inside my chest but at the same time, I was again unsurprised. Netero wouldn't have Pariston as his Vice-president and Zodiac if he didn't _like_ the guy.

Either like as in _like_ or like as in _like to hate._

''This is Pariston. He could…and would find a way to track you, my dear. Also, Saiyu's wrath would come not as a surprise to you, would it? As well as the Zodiacs' interest.'' I looked down to my right and out the glass window again, repeatedly swearing to myself.

''…Will changing my name work?''

He seemed to think about it for a moment. ''…For a tiny amount of time, perhaps.'' He grabbed a pipe and began smoking.

''…Will they hurt my family?''

There was a heavy pause then he didn't deign to give an answer.

I took a deep breath and exhaled carefully, fisting and relaxing my hands under the table. I felt suddenly very cold. In my head, I began planning some counter-measures. Perhaps I could install some sort of security in our house back home.

 _Oh my god, this is my fault._

Maybe I shouldn't go home yet.

 _No, that won't stop him. I shouldn't have attracted too much attention to myself. I should've let Saiyu beat me up. After all, I'm used to it. DAMN IT._

However, it's done. I should now focus on establishing defensive and offensive measures around and inside our house.

My thoughts brought me to my _Hatsu_. So long as there was no strong sun to hit them full force, they were basically untouchable. But I still need to find out how long I could have them active. From my last spar with Monkey and my fight with the Monkey, I figured out that I have a certain link with my shadows and I could understand them. I don't know how but I know I could. I didn't need a language. We have an invisible connection, my shadows and I.

''Gin, my dear.'' I blinked once again and shifted my gaze back to Netero who fell limp on his back seat with a sigh but said nothing.

''You're father is a hunter too. Remember that.'' He said and I frowned, not getting what he was getting at until I did. But would he? Would Ging have made sure that his family home was safe from the enemies he had advertently or inadvertently made?

I didn't notice my shoulders were tensed until they relaxed. ''…I guess.'' I said and forced a smile. ''…An hour left until we reach land.'' I averted my eyes from his gaze towards the bustling, colourful city of Padokea was down below. I leaned closer to the window and I could almost make out the fourth tallest building in the world piercing the blue skies - the heaven's arena.

 _Is Hisoka still there?_

 _Of course, he is._

 _Feels like a long time since I saw him...so long that he doesn't feel that real anymore...I wonder why..._

''Hm…'' Netero blew a puff of smoke towards me. I crunched my nose up and shooed the awful smell away from me.

''Urgh! Shishou! You're gonna make me smell like old man and smoke!''

He laughed like the way he always had; '' _Hohoho!''._ Then he smoothed his beard. I smiled while I inscribed every detail of him into my mind. _The next time I'd see him…_

He stopped laughing and turned his attention back to me. His eyes seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. He removed the pipe off his mouth and placed it on the white table top. ''Leave that to me, my dear.'' He suddenly said. My breath stilled inside my lungs for a moment.

 _Leave it to him?_

Netero smiled a sad one. ''Yes, dear.'' He leaned forward and extended his arm. His hand fell on my head, softly caressing my black hair. ''Leave the ants to me. Yes?''

I swallowed the lump in my throat and with a sigh that eased the weight inside my chest, I smiled at him and nodded.

''…Yes, _Shishou_.'' I said and I trusted him again. Because Netero was good as good can be. And because he was my _Shishou_.

* * *

''Please take this, Miss Gin.'' Bean handed me a small black device.

''A phone! Oh, thank you Bean! I've been meaning to get one but I keep forgetting!''

The green bean-man smiled gently, then bowed. ''Please take care of yourself, Miss Gin. I've taken the liberty of inputting my number in. This phone is also non-trackable. Please don't hesitate to contact me anytime. '' Bean said. ''Should you need anything.'' He added, smiling shyly.

I smiled and fought the urge to throw myself at him. Instead, I bowed back. '' I'll keep you in touch with what I do.'' I comforted him. ''Thank you for everything, Bean. You made my four months with this old geezer a bearable one.'' I pointed weakly at Netero who was standing beside Bean, his arms crossed. He raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing.

''You're welcome, Miss Gin. It was my pleasure. Your stay with us was most refreshing.'' Unable to help myself any longer because of his cuteness, I let my knees fall on the floor and wrapped my arms around his form. He jerked once before relaxing in my arms.

Next, I stood up and threw my arms around the old man's waist. After about five seconds, I felt him raise his arms and wrapped them around me too. I took in his scent – old smoke, sweet cakes and tea. I engraved this to memory too.

''Goodbye, my dear.''

I smiled, looking up to see his aged face looking down at me. ''See you again, _Shishou_.''

* * *

As I walked through the busy crowds, I realised that I haven't had this much human company for the last 4 months. I took in the numerous people around me and smiled a little. No one had paid me attention. Since I wasn't in a hurry, I decided to dawdle around town for a bit whilst I try to locate my brother's inn. Turning to the left to the city's centre, I approached a stand selling various technologies – phones and laptops, most of them. Since I didn't need one anymore, I passed by the stall with a farewell smile at the vendor who was watching me expectantly.

Totally uncaring of the incredulous looks I got, I pulled my dress up and rooted out the phone I kept inside my bum bag. I had the bag strapped around my hips underneath my dress. To my defense, I was wearing a pair of black cycling shorts.

Whilst walking, I dodged and shouldered my way past some people. Suddenly, remembering Netero's warning, I sensed my surroundings for any stalkers but found none. But then again, if the hunter was any good, I wouldn't know he was following me. I eyed the shadows created by the gazebos and the darkened alleys located in between the different coloured buildings. An idea was forming in my head. Could I make shadows in broad daylight without scaring the shits out of people and at the same time, maintaining them for long?

Deciding against it, I refocused my attention to the phone in my hand and entered Pokkle's contact details. Smiling, I pressed the green 'ring' button and slipped it on my ear, listening to it as it rang.

''…Hello?''

''Hi, Pokkle.'' I lowered my voice and drawled out his name. As a result, the man on the other line quietened for a brief moment. I could imagine him blushing. ''Are you busy?'' I bit my lip to stop myself from giggling.

He coughed. ''No.'' Someone shouted from his background, asking who I was. ''Just meeting up some other beast hunters here. My new team.'' Pokkle said.

An image of other hunters being eaten flashed in my head before I managed to remove them off my mind.

''…Gin? This is you, right?''

I smiled at his uncertainty. ''You think white is dangerous because it's vulnerable from stains, you had problems with your Ren, you wrote your number on my palm using a black, ball-pointed pen from your right pocket, and we kissed.''

''…Ah, _Gin_.'' He sighed and chuckled, albeit a little embarrassed.

''Where are you now?''

''Still in the city. I just accepted an assignment for locating some rare beasts for the Hunters Association.''

I faltered in my steps. _Locating…_ ''May I ask what beasts?'' I asked, heart beating anxiously. Pokkle seem to pause. Then, with an apologetic tone, ''…top secret Gin.''

''Ah…May I know…where?'' I pushed.

''Sorry, Gin.'' This time, there was a hint of apprehension touching his voice.

''…That's okay. I was just… worried, I guess.'' No. It was too early. Not happening yet. When there was no reply from the other line, I added. ''Take care, Pokkle.'' I advised him uselessly.

I could hear the smile from his voice. ''I will. Thank you, Gin. And you, too. Where are you now? Maybe…maybe we can meet up sometime?''

''I'm out of the city now to meet up with my brother again.'' He let out a sound of disappointment that caused me to smile, flattered. I guess it became left unsaid that it might be a little dangerous to mention our location now. But then again…this phone was 'non-trackable'. ''I'm in Padokea to pick him up. We're going back to our hometown for a bit.'' I decided to tell him just to make him comfortable.

''Ah, that sounds great!''

''Yeah.'' I blinked, feeling someone's gaze on me. I turned my head, eyes alert, legs ready to fight or flee. From across the black brick road, a man wearing a light pink half-untucked shirt, black trousers and simple white shoes, tilted his head to the side and waved smilingly at me. He was carrying a plastic bag on his other hand, full of groceries.

''…Gin?'' Pokkle called. ''You okay?''

''A-ah. Just saw someone I know. Can I call you back again?''

''Sure! Can I call you as well?''

I let myself smile. ''Sure! Anytime, Pokkle. Be careful with those beasts?''

He possible threw his head back, laughing at my concern. ''I'm always careful.''

I bit my tongue to stop myself retorting. I didn't want to sound like a paranoid _novia_. And besides, Pokkle wasn't my _novio_. ''Okay. I'm gonna do more training now.'' I lied. Because I was still a little fresh out of a spar where my ribs again suffered. I figured that maybe if I say I was training, he'd start doing it too. After all, a man can't bear to lose to a little girl. ''Maybe we can spar next time?''

 _Train harder. Get stronger…_

''Sure, Gin. Looking forward to it,'' was his easy answer. I squashed the disappointment that I felt when he didn't sound particularly challenged.

''Yeah… me too. Bye now, Pokkle.'' I said and started walking towards the spectacled man.

''Yeah…Bye, Gin. Thanks for calling.''

I paused, frowning a little after a few breaths. ''…Hello?''

He hummed.

''Why aren't you ending the call?''

He laughed in a way that made my heart flutter. ''You end it.''

''No…You end it!''

''You do it.''

Biting my lips, I stole a glimpse to Wing who was still patiently waiting for me. ''Fine. Bye, Pokkle.''

''Bye.''

''Bye, don't answer now.''

''Okay.''

I shook my head with a smile and ended the call. Taking a deep breath and fixing my face, I turned to my right and smiled at Wing. After looking left and right for any vehicles, I approached him.

''Mr. Wing!'' I gave him a sunny smile. It hurt my cheeks a little. '' Long time no see!''

''It's been a long time, Gin.'' The sun reflected off his glasses for a brief second, glaring at me. When the glare was gone, it revealed his soft black eyes. ''You look well.'' He commented.

I nodded and copied Gon's happy smile. ''Hm!'' There was a small, awkward silence before, ''I was just on my way to Gon and Killua. Are they okay?'' I asked and gladly followed when the older man started walking again.

''Yes.'' He nodded. ''They've been training on maintaining their Hatsu. They've been worrying about you a lot, Gin.'' He added, slightly reproachful.

I looked down and stared at my pale feet as we walked. I felt guilty, alright. But the most confusing part was, not guilty enough. This may be the reason why I was guilty in the first place. If the places have been switched, I may have gone nuts a long time ago.

 **Maybe you're not important to Gon enough to go** ** _nuts_** **over...** A taunting voice whispered in my head. It was the negative part of me, always trying to put me down. I pushed the ugly thought away, burned it to ash and binned it.

''…I wasn't able to write for 2 months…The situation didn't allow it.'' I confessed.

Wing nodded. ''don't worry,'' He said with a smile. ''Your brother realised this.''

''He's been training with his Hatsu, you say? How are they all faring?''

According to Wing, Gon and Killua has reached the 200th floor for about 2 months now, while his student, Zushi, was still in the 50th floor. Gon had faced with Gido twice. During the first match, he received three fractures and cracks in his ribs which rendered him out of action for a while – 4 months. After another match with Gido and then Riehlvelt, Gon was now permitted to fight Hisoka.

''…When?''

''I don't know, Gin-san. The boys will show me their improvements the day after tomorrow. If Gon passes, that's when I'll allow him to pass.'' For some reason, I don't think he'd care very much if Wing passes him. Knowing Gon, he would have already set the date with Hisoka the moment _he_ _had the chance_.

''You must be tired, Gin-san—''

''Gin is fine, Mr. Wing.'' As soon as I uttered the words, I caught myself. ''I'm sorry.'' I apologized. Wing watched me for a second before he gave me a patient smile once again.

''There's nothing to be sorry for, Gin.''

''…You were saying?'' I side-stepped and allowed a stout, middle-aged woman to pass.

''The boys would be very excited to see you again, Gin. Come, I was about to go back.'' The gentleman said. I was about to nod and follow but then I realised something. Wing tilted his head to the side, ''Gin?''

I smiled. ''…Mr. Wing, I think I'd check in a different hotel for another day until he passes.'' The teacher frowned at first before understanding flashed in his eyes.

''…Are you sure?''

''Hm. Me being there would only distract my brother.'' I replied, smiling softly. ''Do you have any recommendations?''

''Well…There's this inn not too far from ours.''

''I'd take it.''

Just a block away, there was another brownstone building with numerous double-glazed windows decorating the walls. Wing escorted me inside with a genuine warm smile and even booked the room for me. I followed him, wide-eyed and a little touched. I didn't expect him to do all that as well as guiding me and checking the confines of my room, possibly for any danger.

I stiffened when he crouched on the floor so I was the one slightly looking down to him. The ever patient smile on his face didn't falter. ''Gin.'' He called softly and I fought the paranoia slowly climbing up inside me. An older man in a hotel room with a little girl, what does that sound like to you?

 _This is Wing. Zushi's teacher. Gon's teacher. Killua's teacher. Good man. Good…Good…Stay still…Face blank…_

Slowly, I watched as he brought his hand to touch my shoulder. He was too close that I could feel his breath and smell the scent of downy from his clothes.

''…Gin.'' His voice deepened, becoming even softer. I swallowed spit to wet my parched mouth and fought how my skin tingled, goose-bumps racing on my skin uncomfortably.

''What?''

Wing smiled. This time it was with a touch of something that looked awfully like pity. My eyebrows twitched, curling up on their own. Eventually, he stood up and took a step back. He clasped his hands behind him. ''…I'm glad you're back safe, Gin.'' He finally said.

I blinked, confused and gradually feeling ashamed for thinking of the worst. _This is what I get for socialising with too many psychopaths,_ I thought. _But still, a little paranoia can't hurt. If that was all he wanted to say...why touch me at all? Was he planning something before and then he decided against it?_

I gave him a smaller stiff smile before I bent at my waist. ''Thank you for all your help, Mr. Wing. Please continue taking care of my brother, Killua and myself.''

The smile can be heard from his reply, ''you're welcome, Miss Gin. I have a phone. Would you like to exchange numbers?''

''Uhm.'' I nodded, taking out my phone.

As the teacher turned to leave, I noticed the plastic bag on the floor. ''Mr. Wing.'' He glanced at me over his shoulder. I hefted his shopping bag but he only smiled. Inside, there were some apples, clementine, buns, cans of juice and many more.

''…Please keep it, Gin. Have a rest today now.'' He told me with a smile and then closed the door, finally leaving me on my own.

I looked down at the contents of the shopping bag and the scanned my empty room. There was a growing hollow in my chest that I fought to ignore. I dragged my feet towards the bay wood-panelled bay window to let in some air. I watched as Wing walked out of the building, hands in his pockets. I waited until he glance up to me but he didn't.

I turned and stared at the towering white building of the Heavens arena. After a while, I closed the window, shut the maroon curtains together then proceeded to double-checking the room for bugs and secret cameras, monsters and other things like clowns maybe...

After checking the door's lock so many times, I finally let myself under the covers of my new bed, my weapons still strapped on while my bag sat just beside my doll shoes. I was lying upright against the pillows to avoid any mucus entering my lungs. I watched the locked door once again. It was a single red-brown door with a single, easily breakable lock.

I summoned a shadow to materialise by it. It rose from the red-carpeted floor up until it formed. I imagined Gon with his bright hazel brown eyes, spiky black hair, green jacket, shorts and boots. His slight build, button nose, smiling lips...

Gon appeared. With a soft smile, he ran and then climbed up to my bed, slipping inside the covers, lying on his side and secured his arm around my waist. I briefly entertained the idea that this might not look very healthy but...it was the only way I could think of so I can sleep.

I slowly closed my heavy eyes and dreamt of Netero and Bean's smiles, tea and cakes, followed by a nightmare of myself being surrounded by angry Zodiacs, Netero's Bodhisattva and a green boy with a helmet.

* * *

 _AN: So sorry for the disappointment last chapter! I edited it and then posted a new one! I didn't notice the replace/update chapter on its side! Anyway, I'm going back to uni tomorrow and I'm growing anxious! For some reason, I find train rides stressful! Especially when I have so many stops! Not to mention I'm bringing one heavy suitcase and a backpack. I don't know about you but I'm so close with my siblings and that's why I'm always so sad before I go. I am proud to say that I also have the sister's complex like Gin. How about you guys? Thanks so much for my loyal reviewers and my new ones! I am so happy to read your reviews every time! They are very motivating. What do you think of this chapter? We could say that this is the END OF GIN'S TRAINING ARC. No Gon and Killua yet. Sorry guys... Next chapter definitely, but it will take time to write...maybe...I'm going to be depressingly busy soon. And...I think my inspiration might be slipping just a little... Might need a small break but it might make things even worse...Ah... Oh God...No...Help...xD_


	41. Chapter 38 - To love is to destroy

**Chapter 39 – To love is to destroy**

 _''that to love is to destroy and that to be loved, is to be the one destroyed.'' ~ Cassandra Clare_

* * *

He was a patient man. Really. Very patient.

There was Gon - growing even more appetizing every day and Killua Zoldyk who he can't help but watch too (although he was off-limits according to his _bestie_ ). Also, he couldn't help but notice a dark-haired spectacled young man so close to his new toys.

 _Good. But not interesting enough. A little snack for a rainy day, perhaps…Until September 1st comes._

An image of a straw-haired Kurta invaded his closed lids. He smiled and buried his nails to his scalp, pulling at his red hair until it stung deliciously. When he closed his eyes, he pictured Gon's lithe body twisting in the air under the bright glaring lights of the stadium. His little face pinched in concentration while he dodged Gido's spinning tops. He felt a deep chuckle tickle the inside of his chest.

Little Gon has always been _sooo_ innocent, so determined, so straightforward, so simple – an enhancer.

Hisoka groaned and hit the tiled wall in front of him. He heard it vibrate and give way under his palm. He made a fist and thought of how easy it would be to just grab that boy's little face and then _squeeze…_

''Ah…'' he bit his lip until he felt it bleed; the hot water washed it away. He licked the fresh cut and revelled at the metallic tang that invade his senses. He was aroused. _Again_. The red-haired man groaned and wondered why he loves to torture himself so. He knew that by watching their games, he'd feel excited and eventually, very, very, _very_ frustrated. His fingers twitched and he reached down…

But then, his lustful thoughts took a sharp side turn. His arousal quickly dimmed when Gon's spiky dark hair, in his mind, was replaced by something luscious, black and soft.

 _Gin…_

He saw in his mind the tight leggings she used to wear. They emphasised her supple legs. He remembered the delicate curve of her back, that soft derriere, the delicate mounds of her chest and their pink nipples. Hisoka sucked his lips in, yearning and wanting she was close.

He wants her so bad.

 _Hisoka pushed her roughly to bed. She fell prettily on top of his red covers, bouncing for a few moments. He watch her watch him with those big brown eyes, full of want and tinged with fear. His Gin is perfect. The perfect match for him._

 _She had her one knee propped up as if she was trying to hide as much as she could from him. Or maybe she did it to tease him. Seeing her laughing eyes, he realised she was. His gaze slid down at her naked chest. He squeezed his hands on his sides. He wants to touch her already. But has to be patient. It has to be slow…_

 _He needed to do well. He needed to show her what he could do; how much pleasure he could give her so she'd come back to him. This night was his chance so they could do more. Again and again. Every day and forever…_

 _With his heart beating a little quicker than normal, he pulled his shirt up and threw it unceremoniously to the floor. He would admire how good his and her clothes looked later after they were both sated and she, sleeping contently in his bed. He'd admire her body more after he had fucked her so hard she saw stars; so hard that she'd come back night after night._

 _Oh yes…he is going to do this well._

 _He stroked himself and stepped out of his clothes. Without breaking eye contact, he crawled towards her like a beast to his prey. He could feel his hardness against his abdomen and it nearly hurt. He has wanted this for so long. Waited for so long...Now, he was about to reap his reward for being so patient and good._

 _Gin smiled coquettishly at him and slowly tilted her hips, lifting herself off the bed to move further up. His sex throbbed as a wave of her scent wafted to his nose. Without preamble, he attacked._

Biting his lip harder, Hisoka continued. _Her moan echoed in his room and he held her down as she grinded herself against his face. Smirking, he licked her harder, held her harder and smelled her harder as if he could make them one if he did. He felt her fingers on his hair, holding him tightly as she undulated with pleasure._

 _''Gin…Gin…Gin…Ohh…''_

* * *

 _'How had she grown?_ ' He wondered as he dried himself. ' _Or better yet, where is she? Was she doing this on purpose?'_

Hisoka sighed. His body hummed in content, yes, but of course, he wanted more. He wanted to see her so bad. He wanted to strangle her for leaving him, shake her and ask her where she'd been. He wanted to make his dreams come true and the only way to do that was to have her close!

Hisoka pursed his lips as an idea pop in his head. He held his chin in thought.

 _'Am I... falling for her?'_

His eyes widened and an excited smile Cheshire grin slowly enveloped his unpainted face. He held his chest under his right hand, feeling his quickening heartbeat.

 _'I think I am!'_

''….Oh….dear…Am I?!'' he exclaimed softly, voice breaking. The red-haired man placed his hands over his naked hips and stared unseeingly across his room towards the city behind his glass- walls.

The red-haired skill hunter felt mixture of disbelief, some misplaced happiness, a tiny sprinkle of bitterness and excitement. He fisted his hand above his chest again and analysed the strange ball of _emotions_ running hot inside him.

' _Love… Oh, dear my! My little demon, my Gin. Now, I definitely must have her soon!_ ' He shouted in his head. And as if that wasn't enough, ''I must have her.'' He said out loud, voice deep with finality. '' I will!'' he bellowed. He laughed, still a tad disbelievingly and brushed his wet hair out of his face then paused. ''I will.'' he said and then sat on his bed to calm his nerves.

He felt his grin drop, however, when he remembered one very important detail.

 _'Four months... Four months…Not in Whale Island, not anywhere in Padokea, no trace in the HXH website or the cybernet…'_

Hisoka gritted his teeth and pulled at his hair tighter as he leaned forwards, resting his elbows on top of his thighs. _Where…_

As usual, his thoughts ended up at a dead end. He didn't like that one bit. ''…Maybe if I ask those boys nicely, they'd tell me.'' He mused out loud before he grinned hungrily. ''…Now what would those two boys want to have in exchange for her?'' He thought about this for a moment again before he ended up snarling in frustration.

The boys wouldn't give him anything without force!

He could feel it now…

 _KILL!_

Next thing he knew, he was dragging his feet against the grey cobblestones of the city, sensing and hunting for an acceptable opponent.

' _No, no, no, no…'_ with each failure, he grew even more restless and his thoughts even darker.

' _That spectacled young man…where does he live again!?,_ Hisoka screamed internally. He took a left turn before he swiftly turned back around, away from the street leading to the teacher's inn. Vaguely from the back of his head, he knew he should endeavour to avoid temptation right now. His control felt a little brittle and if those boys happened to be there (which was highly likely) with the handsome young man, he might just devour them little cute boys.

 _Where the hell is she!? I've been waiting for months. No, no, no…I'm patient. I'm used to waiting. She'll come around! His little Gin would never abandon her dear brother after all. But where is she? If I killed her dear Gon, would she come back to me?'_

The red-haired man suddenly froze, completely oblivious of the frightened looks he was receiving from some people and the fact that many of them were already running from him.

 _'Yes! O' yes! She'd definitely come then… Tomorrow, Gon and I are fighting. What a perfect time to kill him! Not only would Gin hate him, but Killua too!_

 _Ah!_ He brought a pale hand to cover his mouth. ' _And such a simple thing!'_

Hisoka let out a short laugh before his shoulder relaxed and he let himself crouch. His pale fingers traced the stone pavement.

 _Such a simple thing!_ He repeated in his mind. _Of course, of course…of course she will!_

Too soon, the entire path was now empty of human life. There weren't much people loitering about anyway. Moths fluttered around the buzzing florescent bulbs of the streetlights. Cars revved and sped away then a clang sounded from a dark alley _._ He distractedly glanced over his shoulder when heaven's arena boomed with people's laughter and cheers. But he turned his back from it, completely disinterested. After his fight with Kastro, there was no one worth even looking at.

And that brought back the problem of killing Gon. It was an extremely waste of potential. Hisoka sighed sadly, reminiscing their first meeting. There was no one like Gon.

Ha-ha. That's a lie.

Hisoka has seen little boys like him. Just look at Killua-kun! Little prodigies with such bright futures. Little fruits still in the process of ripening!

Yes, Hisoka has seen them before.

And killed them too – some proved very worth the wait but a few, of course, became disappointments…

''…blubbering ugly idiots.''

Gon would have grown up as a very worthy opponent. He could see it!

 _It's her fault_! She shouldn't have left him. Didn't she know how much he was waiting for their turn to fight? Didn't she know how much he planned **everything**? His body shivered with delight as he remembered her bare body. It only helped to make his fantasies more vivid, more torturous, more delicious, more and more and more!

And that helpless void in her eyes as she stared blankly at the ceiling? _Extraordinary_! Hisoka loved how she just laid there, completely letting him do what he wanted. He nearly took her. It took a lot of control not to relieve himself of his desire when she was there utterly defenceless.

But he wanted her to smile and beckon him closer. He wanted her to reach out for him, beg for his touch and moan his name.

Screaming it would be ideal too.

If only she had stayed, he would've showed her how much more strength she needed. Then he'd offer _his_ help.

With a _price_ , of course.

A night of passion seemed too cheap at first because fucking her every after training looked and sounded more appetizing. _Ah!_

Hisoka shook his head in an attempt to clear his head. But **no** , a night of passion may sound cheap but it would definitely sell more. All he had to do was love her thoroughly hard and then she'll come back to his arms, _willingly._

 _Maybe she'll come crawling into his room with nothing but a sexy lingerie on. She'll be perfect with a pair of horns atop her head and a tail from her derriere._

 _Hm…Yum!_

But she _left_. How that broke his little heart was awful! Terrible! He even accidentally killed a maid because of her wrong timing! Because of her, he had to change his room for a new one as his old one had been… a little decimated and well…stained.

And now, her beloved brother would have to compensate for it. Hisoka shook his head with an overly-sentimental sigh and his head tilted to one side as he dejectedly stared at the dark cobblestones, lips curled down to a pout, and his fingers still absentmindedly tracing the rocks.

Now that he realised he indeed, _love_ her, he feels a little sad that he'd be breaking her heart soon. But it was needed. Gon had to die. Or else, Gin would never love him back. That boy would steal all her attention from him.

Hisoka's eyebrows furrowed, eyes burning gold. _That's right,_ he thought. He never liked sharing his toys. He stood and stretched his shoulders and let out a deep mournful sigh.

 _'It's okay. This happened many times before…'_ he comforted himself. _'Sometimes, one needs to get rid of old toys to get a better one. In this case, THE best, even. If you think about it, it's such a small price to pay!'_ Hisoka grinned, comforted by his own wisdom.

 _'And now, she will come back surely!'_

He looked up past the towering skylights to the dark and empty sky, imagining the dark shade of her hair.

 _For Gin,_ he thought as he played her brother's death in his mind. _For his Gin, his demoness, his lady love…_

The red-haired man giggled and disappeared into the night, uncaring that he was utterly naked except for a towel precariously wrapped around his hips.

* * *

 **Gin**

I let out a gasp that made my lungs hurt. Ignoring the arms and legs wrapped around me, I sat up and coughed, massaging my chest. _That was one creepy and random dream!_ I thought.

I tilted my head to the side, momentarily distracted by Gon who was silently nuzzling my nape as if to bring comfort. There was soft ringing noise from the single door of my rented room where my Aswang, Josh sat on guard. The room was completely dark save from the skinny slivers of city lights seeping from my draped windows. There was the sound of claws softly scratching against wood and I turned to my guard who appeared nothing but a darkened silhouette and smiled at him at the dark.

 _Just a dream._

I let myself fall back to bed and stared at the ceiling. If the Gon beside me was real, he would have yelled in pain for being squashed. But since he was not, the shadowed brother of mine simply reformed.

 _Hisoka_.

All of a sudden, that clown's face materialised at the fore-front of my otherwise dreamless sleep. My medications have always made sure that I sleep nicely but there were always times where nightmares manage to sneak in. I shivered once again and turned to my side and stared at the innocent jar lying on my bedside table, pondering whether I should take in another tablet.

I nearly have forgotten the jerk but for some reason, he decided to visit me in my sleep. Not even normally but horrifyingly _\- smiling happily at myself with his face only a few inches away._ Urgh.

 _I wonder what that crazy creep is up to now..._

I tensed up, eyes widening in alarm. _He's...not bewitching me, is he?!,_ was my random thought.

But as quickly as this came, I threw it away. _Nah... as far as I know, he doesn't have that capability._

I pulled at the duvet over us and shifted to make myself more comfortable. Tomorrow was Gon's match with Hisoka. Tomorrow, I will meet them again. With a smile, I slipped by hands underneath by right side of face and then closed my eyes. I fell asleep with the feel of my shadowed brother embracing me from behind just like he would if he was here.

* * *

AN: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I know it's been so long since I updated and I know I said I would have them meet very soon but I thought I'd write that part in a different chapter. It just didn't feel right to add it here for quantity purposes. So, I'm trying very hard to make time, dearies. Even now, I should be doing work. Seriously... I'm so tired of it. It's two weeks before end of term but I can't even look forward to it without remembering the fact that I have a Maths test before that, accommodation stuff to fix, and just...the perks of being myself really. Also, can you guys recommend a good SI fic?! I seriously think I've read all the good ones here. So hard to find my types...

ah... So, Hisoka's being creepy, Gin's being creepy...Gon and Killua's been mentioned. Dear Gon is in danger, oh dear! Hisoka's thought processes is so... spontaneous and unpredictable that even I get surprise by it. Next chapter would definitely be there reunion. Take this as a chapter dedicated for our favourite red-head. Sorry for the disappointment guys but I hope you like this Hisoka filler. Admit it, we all missed him. And I as you see, I inserted a lemon here! wihee! Have fun! Give this poor (literally and figuratively) author some love, babies! Hope you enjoyed this chap. Thank you for all your reviews! You have no idea how they all make me smile after or during a very tiring day. Thanks so much. I'm so glad to have this story and you guys. Please keep on reading and recommending and telling me what you think :) I truly appreciate your enthusiasm!


	42. Chapter 39 - Colours

**Chapter 40 – Colours**

 _''Everything is blue; his pills, his hands, his jeans and now I'm covered in the colours pull apart at the seams. And it's blue. Everything is grey; his hair, his smoke, his dreams and now he's so devoid of colour he don't know what it means. And he's blue._ _''_

* * *

From what I've gathered from experience, _Nen_ can make everything possible just like how _chakra_ in another world can make the unthinkable thinkable. There is no reason for surprise or the phrase – 'b-but that's impossible!' here.

From my own experience – both physical and mental – there is simply no time to contemplate the possibility of these impossibles. Adapting and responding takes all the time. Without these, you're dead.

And every day, I wish that my life was simpler than this.

I woke up very early from a dreamless sleep; the morning was still dark. It was the day of Gon's match. The final chapter before Whale Island if I remember correctly. Then, the spiders will come, the game and the chimeras. The end.

I curled up on my left side and tucked my knees closer to my chest, relishing at the feel of the cheap duvet coverlet and the warmth it brought. I was sorely tempted not to leave this room again and wait for the end of today to meet up with Gon. I knew that he would come out victorious (meaning he will come out alive) from his match with Hisoka anyway. So, what was the point of going?

I guess this was the funny thing that was-not-really-funny about knowing the future. Life becomes… _boring_. All I ever do, I realised, was waiting, dreading and panicking for all the things I know will come. Many times, I wish I don't have the memories. But I do and there was nothing I can do about it. Avoiding to think about it and how abnormal it makes me helps – sometimes. But the _why_ annoys me the most. Because I know it was the most ridiculous and stupid question one can ask to one's self.

Who cares why _I'm_ here?! Who cares? Just me and no else gives a shit.

My jaw clenched and I fisted my hands, controlling the unreasonable anger inside me. It was just the way of the world. I'm here and that's what matters. No need to think of these unnecessary thoughts. And I need to stop brooding so much.

 _So unhealthy_ , I told myself.

Groaning softly, I pulled myself up and dragged my feet towards the bathroom. There was no point contemplating such awful things when I know I will gain nothing from it other than more problems.

…And wrinkles.

I showered in a state of neither alertness nor oblivion –somewhere in between. I watched the suds as they get watered away; thought about how my fingers felt nice when massaging my scalp and how my old scars would prevent me wearing sleeveless dresses without gathering attention towards my scarred shoulder. But then again, no one commented on them when I wore that blue ball gown from the Zoldycks.

 _Maybe they're not too noticeable,_ I childishly thought.

I fingered the healed wound, tracing the wrinkled slash that curved from my collarbone to the shoulder blade on my back. It looked like a deep wound but I never got to see it since I miraculously healed myself as I slept that time.

I was lucky. I thought I was going to die then.

As usual, my hand travelled down to the scars decorating my waists. These jagged scars were familiar to me – pink and shaped like worms under my skin. From the corner of my eyes, I saw another associated scar from my leg. They were hard not to notice and overtime, I've grown accustomed to seeing them. Though this didn't mean I've grown to like them. In fact, I think I hate them even more because they don't look like they were to fade anytime soon.

Or in any time for the rest of my life.

 _You're getting dramatic again._

I shut off my wandering thoughts once again and got out of the shower. I wore the only dress that I bothered hanging inside the provided closet. It was the white Chinese hanfu dress I bought using Netero's money.

So far, from the last few days, I've been lounging in my bed wearing only a T-shirt. In my mind, that's supposed to look sexy. But the mirror might not agree so let's leave it to our sparkling imagination.

I tied the black sash around my chest as tight as I can manage it without help and wished Gon was with me to help. _Not too long now. You'll be back home soon._

Sighing, I moved towards the right side of my bed where I laid my weights and weapons on the floor, hidden from view just in case someone decides to peer from the door and in case I knock off the weights from the bedside table and make a dent on the floor.

I mechanically attached the gold and silver weights around my ankles and wrists and admired how they glowed expensively even without the lights. Netero must have paid for these handsomely, I thought, feeling oddly satisfied and warm inside. I flexed and stretched to get me used to them. They felt heavy. Heavier than usual.

 _You've been busy not being busy._

I strapped the sheaths around my thighs and forearms, frowning slightly when I noticed that I probably have lost some weight too.

 _This is not good._

I thought about Cynthia, the woman who delivers my food every day – breakfast at 8, lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. I didn't ask for food service so it was no surprise when the old lady mentioned Wing did. The lady was old but not old enough that her face should be full of wrinkles. In fact, hers were incredibly smooth for an old woman. But to be fair, everyone past the age of 30 for me was old.

I recognise that this may change when I reach the aforementioned age. If I survive long enough, that is.

Cynthia always wore a plain brown dress and an apron. Along with her husband, she was the owner of the inn and she usually work in the kitchens, helping the chefs. She didn't mention her husband though and I didn't dare ask. All I asked was that if after a three knocks and I hadn't answered, if she should just kindly leave the food on the floor then I would be very grateful. The kind old woman looked unhappy at first (due to warm food getting cold) but reluctantly agreed eventually. Of course, with a miniscule amount of guilt, I never answered her knocks afterwards.

For the past days, I've abused my body by staying idle. My muscles, instead of becoming energised, felt heavy instead. My whole body felt weak and my bones creaked every time I stretch.

So, I promised I'd train when I get back home.

I felt a sudden chill that came out of nowhere and an image of Wing, Zushi and a scowling Killua entered my mind. They were just walking up the stairs leading to my corridor and Killua was leading the way, uncharacteristically stomping his feet as he climbed up the stairs and with a strange look on his face. Wing was smiling, calm as ever while Zushi still looked half-asleep. A mass of shadow remained very still beside a vending machine as the trio went past.

Suddenly fuelled with an energy that came out of nowhere, I pulled my curtains asunder and opened my windows to let some air in, I ran towards the door and switched on the lights in my room then I arranged my messy bed and smoothed it out as much as possible.

Next, I picked up the rubbish strewn all over my floor and upon seeing my overflowing bin, I pushed them all under my bed. The dried up plant beside my bedside table caught my attention and I scoured around my room for a place to hide it. I heard their footsteps before the shout and the knocks came.

All of which came from only one person.

''Oy, you crazy woman! Open this door this instant!'' Killua roared from the door after three angry knocks.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest but didn't move.

''Wake up! Open this door now!'' he pounded the door with his fist again, stronger. The force caused the door to quiver. If I didn't let him in, he might just kick the door open. I gazed at the dried up plant once again. Could I say that I forgot to water it?

''…Mah, mah, Killua-kun, you might wake the neighbours up!'' Wing chided softly. He was ignored.

''Woman! If you don't open, I'll break this door and tell your brother about your love affair with that ugly bald guy!''

''…L-Love affair?'' someone squeaked. _Zushi._

I sighed. _We haven't even reached that stage yet._

I grabbed the dead remains of the plant. It withered and came apart easily under my hand. I threw it away hidden under my bed and then pushed the pot in there next.

''GIN!''

''Coming…'' I drawled out while I rubbed the remaining debris from my hands, letting them flutter their way down.

I grasped the latch and pulled. The things is, I forgot that the door was still bolted and when I felt it resist, I accidentally added more strength so when I pulled away, the door's handle came back with my hand.

There was an astonished second before reality caught up to me. ''… _Shit_.'' I hissed while looking down at the fragile brass knob. _Shit. Netero's gonna punish me if he knew this happened!_

 _Well, what he doesn't know wouldn't kill him._

 _Ah…_

My gaze flickered towards the door's hinges which were still attached. ' _At least it was just the knob and not the whole door…'_

The door creaked open and revealed Killua Zoldyck who didn't even look surprise. Instead, he was looking at me with a clear mocking look on his face as if to say; ' _Seriously?'_ He wore a long sleeved black shirt, long faded blue jeans and his old shoes, looking exactly as I remembered that it hurt to see him a little.

Irritated that I wasn't dense enough to not notice this, I crossed my arms and tilted my chin up haughtily. 'It's your fault. You weakened it by your incessant knocking.'' I told him. ''And he's name is Hanzo – a gift from the gods for us women-kind.'' _Hopefully, this would carry the topic away from what just happened,_ I thought. I could contemplate my lack of restraint later on. Clearly, being idle for a few days was a little more detrimental than expected.

''…I don't see any _women_ here and you look like hell.'' I frowned once again and turned at the white-haired Zoldyck. I vaguely caught the soft look on his face before his blue eyes flashed and his sharp kitten teeth showed. ''So… you've been here all along, huh? Care to tell me why you didn't bother informing us?''

I was always aware of who Killua was. Unlike my brother, I do not really see Killua only as a friend (or a close acquaintance) but also as a Zoldyck. It was hard to forget who he is especially after being tortured by his mum and pudgy brother. They were _assassins_ and it was obvious that they were a sick family. I remember this other sick (but awesome) family who had an obsession with Goth and black. But whatever I do, the memory their name was out of my grasp. In fact, everything from that life feel vaguer and hazier every day. I can't even remember my name…

A lump formed in my throat and I could feel the familiar feel of panic slowly rising up in myself. I swallowed it and willed my heartbeat to slow. I blinked and took a deep breath, smiling at my audience.

Killua twitched; his extreme annoyance for me edging towards fond anger.

If there was such a thing as 'fond anger.'

'' Killua. Do you think there's a thing called fond anger?'' I asked without giving it much thought, tilting my head to the side. ''Seems contradictory, does it not?''

Killua growled slightly. ''…the heck? Who cares about that?'' He asked, voice rising up.

I smiled at his obvious display of barely concealed 'fond-anger'. ''…Me. Just thought about it and I find it interesting.''

He opened his mouth as if to say something but promptly closed it. With a deep sigh, the white-haired boy stepped forward and closed the distance between us.

I let out a nervous giggle upon seeing his expression change back again to the serious look.

Killua was an assassin; someone who has a higher kill count than I do. He was taught how to kill at a very young age and have endured more torture sessions than I do.

He's probably seen more than I do too.

And currently, the young assassin was smiling at me – it was like the frustrated smile that he often uses with Gon but only a wee-bit darker. Not to mention, he was radiating a certain aura that was making the hairs on my arms stand up. Hoping to diffuse the tension, I clapped my hands once, turning my attention to our spectators.

''Hello, Wing-san! Ah! Zushi! My, my, how much you've grown!'' I side-stepped the assassin, ignoring the waves of wicked intent radiating from him and the growl that came out of his lips which sounded awfully like my name. His aura was getting more and more overbearing in every second.

 _Oh dear…_ I thought uselessly. _Maybe if I buy us more time…_

I reached out and cupped Zushi's cute little face with my hands. He still looked like a cute poodle. ''Hm! Very cute! How is your training, Zushi, my cutie-pie?''

''Um…'' Zushi's wide brown eyes shifted towards Killua who I can feel was glowering at my back. ''…It's okay?'' the boy managed to answer. ''Please… Gin-san…I think…I really think you should…uh…take care of Killua-san…''

 _Oh kid, please do try to help me more than that,_ I thought. ''Ha-ha-ha…Killua? Come on, let him be. He's just over-acting a little—Ah!''

Not surprisingly, Killua grabbed the back of my dress and dragged me off Zushi. I flinched slightly when the Zoldyck kid stabbed my chest with his index finger, knowing full well that he can manipulate his nails into sharp claws at any moment if he so desired.

I blinked and threw away an image of his entire forearm stabbing through… _Bodoro's_ chest.

And how the old man's back arched; his eyes wide-open in surprise, not pain.

The kill was quick that the moment the pain registered, he died next.

''-Not even a single letter for two months! Just a single sentence saying you'll be too busy to write! And that one's not even from you! How do you suppose we know you're safe!? How do we know you weren't kidnapped and being tortured, spirited away in some place we do not know where?! Do you know how many times Gon tried to leave?! Do you know how worried sick you made u—him feel! Urgh! Hey! Are you listening! _Woman_!''

''…Ah. Of course…'' I chuckled, taking a careful step back. ''S-sorry. I got lost in my head for a—'' I stopped, realising that maybe that wasn't the best set of words I should've said…

Killua bristled. If not for the fact that I knew he wouldn't kill me because I was his best friend's sister, I would have literally gone into defensive mode or run away for escape. I admit that I felt a tiny bit of fear from the dark look that his normal blue eyes adopted. After all, he only gets that look on his face when he wants to kill but I squashed the feeling before it can grow.

It was also a little ironic that I would be scared of Killua when I faced stronger and more experience hunters than him.

 _What made him scarier?_

 _He's a friend and I know I couldn't kill him even if someone offers me the world._

Boy, isn't that scary?

''Gin…'' there was growl, followed by a series of nagging, little bits of 'how could you's' and a lot of 'are you even listening to me's.

''…They seem really close, don't they, Zushi?'' My ears picked up Wing's mellowed voice.

''Uh-um…''

I frowned, thinking about disagreeing with them.

''You aren't listening again, are you?''

''W-what? Of course!''

''What's my last word then?''

''…then?''

''Gin…''

 _Ah... My ears…_

* * *

''…Your room looks dirty as f—hell.'' Killua commented as I double check my room before we leave. ''Aren't girls supposed to be cleaner?''

I simply rolled my eyes and closed the bathroom's door. _Check._

But should I clean the bathroom? Should I risk leaving a trace of myself in here? Would Pariston, Saiyu and some spies come in here to scour for whatever I have left? Whatever could they use some strands of my hair for?

But it was too late now. They were waiting for me and Killua's not being very patient. Maybe I should leave _Josh_ here and do a clean-up?

Should I let my paranoia do its job or should I knock it off a bit?

''…Don't tell me you're gonna miss your toilet.'' Killua broke me out of my thoughts again and I realised I was still facing the close door; my hand on the knob.

I rolled my eyes again. ''Yes, Killua. I have a secret fetish to toilets. I get off on them.''

He made a disgusted noise then, ''You got a lot of stuff under your bed.''

''Ah…You saw that huh.''

''Tch. Hard to miss. How long have you been here?''

''Hm… Just a couple of days…three…four, I think.''

Killua hummed. Seeing that he was playing with _Togari,_ ''would you like to borrow them for awhile?''

He looked down at the knives in thought and then shook his head no. ''We don't want to attract attention. Keep it in your bag.'' He decided but then grabbed my backpack from the bed.

''…Oy! What are you doing?!'' I yelled as the white-haired kid casually opened my bag and picked up a lacy black underwear.

''Heh…'' His face contorted into that impish grin he always wore when teasing me. ''A little girl like you acting like a big naughty girl eh? Should I tell Gon?''

I huffed. ''Please! Gon bought that for me! From Sunshines and Daisies, remember?'' At this, Killua blanched. ''Heh…Weren't you there too? How was it, huh? Did you pick out some for yourself?''

''…What's that supposed to mean?!''

Wing coughed, appearing once again at the door. ''Killua-kun, Gin-chan, we will be late if you continue. We wouldn't want to be late, do we?'' he paused, waiting for us until we nodded. ''Did you write that apology letter, Gin- _chan?_ '' I swallowed the small disgust I felt from the endearment and hid it away. Pariston loved to say my name like that too. And Wing's gentle voice while being slightly threatening triggered some memories from the ball.

Killua, who was beside me crossed his arms and smirked. ''Yeah, Gin- _chan_. Did you write here how sorry you are for 'losing control?'' The white-haired brat brandished my letter before me.

I narrowed my eyes at him and reached out to take it back only for the Zoldyck to raise it up, taunting me further. ''Yes, Wing-san. I will do that.'' I turned to the teacher with a forced smile.

 _This kid was challenging me._

''And do please add a tip. Your room…warrants a good cleaning, Gin-chan.'' Wing added, voice not changing from its mellowed tone. There wasn't even a leak in his aura or posture that would make me think he was reprimanding me. It was all in how he carefully chose his words. He was unlike Pariston in that way. The Rat tried intimidating me by standing close, invading my personal space and making contact. You know, just the simple tactics of intimidation. Foolish old man underestimated a kid.

Look at where that got him.

My lips curled up into a small smirk. I could still feel the faint pull of his life energy inside me. When I concentrate, I could feel him about three days away, still cramped in his office doing god knows what. Looking so cute and fragile sure has their perks!

''Yes. Wing-san.'' He sighed and left us alone, saying they'd be waiting outside the inn.

 _But isn't that_ ** _they're_** _job to clean my room anyway? I should give them some jobs to do or else they'll get bored-_

I felt a flick from my forehead. I blinked at the empty space and turned, eyes focusing and meeting Killua's blue ones. He was staring at me very closely, examining me like I was some kind of animal from a glass cage. ''Are you okay?''

''Huh?''

I yelped and nursed my forehead when he flicked it once again. I groaned, feeling the area throb a little. ''What the hell? What's wrong with you!''

Killua clicked his tongue and swung my bag over his shoulder. '' Pay attention, will you?'' He placed the envelope on my bedside table along with bunch of notes which was great because I didn't have any. ''Come on. Gon's waiting.'' Then, he walked out. ''Come on!''

I sighed. ''Yeah. Yeah. Coming, mother.'' I replied and grabbed my feathered hat and secured it on my head. Then I pulled the door as shut as it possibly can.

As I passed the vending machine, Killua was already walking down the stairs with my old backpack strapped on his shoulders and his hands tucked in his pockets. My paranoid side won and I silently summoned _Josh._

 _Clean up any trace of my existence in that room – especially the hairball from the shower drain. Who knows what Pariston would do if he gets a hold of them? Urgh._

The shadow shivered in response and moved away. Killua noticed and paused. He turned around, eyes alert and searching. Then, they stopped at me.

''…What was that all about?'' I tried to ignore how his blue gaze seem to pierce right through me and I doubled my efforts to look innocent.

''Huh? Something wrong?'' I widened my eyes in confusion and turned around, searching the empty corridor then back at him. His eyes narrowed, seeing through my façade. This guy trusted me.

Not.

But more importantly, who knows what that 'blonde Hisoka' might be planning for me? I knew he felt what I did to him that night. I don't really know what my victims feel when I mark their lives as mine. All I know is that I feel a rush of pleasure – yes, pleasure, and added potential energy from the experience. The Rat is known to be cunning and smart so I wouldn't be surprised if he connects the dots together and find out what I can do.

And I've read so many horror books before that I could just imagine what kind of horrific things one can do with a strand of hair…

''Hm…''

I grabbed for my companion's arm when the need to hook arms with someone won me over. He tensed again, letting out a small surprised sound.

''Oy!'' He tried to pull his arm away. I frowned and didn't let go, noticing now that he was seemed taller.

''You're taller.''

''Of course! I've always been!''

Now it was my time to hum. Well, most men grow taller than women, anyway. And being small helps to make me look…unassumingly pretty and fragile. ''Come on, we'll be late if we don't hurry.'' I tightened my hold and pulled him down.

''Yeah. Whose fault do you think is that?'' He asked, voice flat. I didn't bother telling him it was because of his long rant. Because that might just fire him up to give me another round of it just like how Mito does. Besides, he stopped struggling and let me drag him along with only a despondent sigh. He seems to do that a lot now. Better help the poor stressed-out boy.

''I swear, you're the weirdest girl I've ever met.''

I chuckled and paused, relaxing under the sun's touch. There were more people than usual or maybe it was only because I haven't been out in a while. I took a deep breath and felt the breeze caress my skin and I realised how much I missed it after my self-appointed imprisonment. The air was made of a mixture of scents from the people, the food, the wares and the fumes from the cars nearby but it was comforting nonetheless.

We were quiet as Killua guided me through the crowd of people whilst I busied myself looking around the city. Unlike him, I never had the chance to see it and memorise my way through. The residential part of the city soon gave way to the central part. The inns and pubs gradually disappeared and replaced by taller and glass buildings, towers and soon after, the 4th tallest tower in the world – the Heavens arena.

As if possessed by an angel, Killua let me hang on to his arm just like how I would if my dear brother was here and he didn't even scold me for walking too slow or fast or whatever!

Heh...

Meanwhile, Zushi and Wing were in their own world, conversing with each other now and again. One time, Zushi, the cute boy, looked shyly over his shoulder to get a glimpse of us. I smile at him, chuckling silently at his reaction. I was relieved when he said that we wouldn't have to line up since he got a pass and that he was free to bring his visitors in.

We sat down in the middle of the jam-packed arena where I had to let my guide go so we can get to our seats. When we sat down, I discreetly scooted closer to him. Then, with a slight smirk tugging at my lips, I tested a hypothesis and re-took his arm back.

 _Result: Positive_.

I leaned in; my arms finding their way around his. Killua was busy looking around, fidgeting a little on his seat. His jaw was clenched and his shoulders were stiff. I wondered if he would jump into the arena during the match if he sees Gon getting beaten up but vaguely remembered that no occurrence happened before. Or was there? I can't remember all the minor details without the aid of my cards anymore and I've been avoiding using them.

They only give more detailed nightmares.

Zushi and Wing sat beside Killua's right, not looking so relaxed either. My smirk widened as I got closer to the unsuspecting boy.

' _'_ _I knew you missed me, Killua-chan_.'' I whispered at his ear, teasing.

As predicted, the white-haired kid jerked like someone just tasered him awake. I saw his jaw clenched before he took a deep breath and sighed. Suddenly, a hand latched on to mine and _squeezed_.

I pulled away and covered my mouth just on time to avoid my yelp evolving into a scream.

 _That hurt!_

* * *

AN: Killua needs to make up his mind whether Gin's a woman or not. Ha-ha. Poor Gin had her hand almost broken. This chapter was dedicated to Killua and inspired by Colours - Halsey. Love that song. Blueeeeeee like Killua's eyes. Meow! Happy 2017 everyone! Again, the next term is coming. What do you think of Gin's and Killua's interactions here? I think this is the longest they were alone actually. Can you remember the first time? It was when our young assassin here carried her through the Numere Wetlands, chapter 9 and they had such a rough start too! Ah.. how things have changed! (Sort of). I would like you all to know that I read your reviews again and again. Thank you so much all of you and please keep on telling me what you think. I love hearing your good and not-so-good opinions, you see. Thank you for all your well wishes for my exams too and your understanding! Also, thank you all for your OC recommendations! I checked them all and read a lot of them! *Sighs* It's so hard to find good and long ones! I feel like I've read them all! Have you guys watched MAGI? Their world looks amazing! I want an OC FANFIC about it but there's but a few! The best is Enigma by Marshmellowtime! Check it out! And if you have more recommendations! Please tell me! I'm so bored out of my mind. My mind rebels at stagnation! Give me stories! Give me plot lines! Next chap will be the match and I'm getting nervous about it. Urgh...If you have any recommendations and suggestions, I'll love to hear them!


	43. Chapter 40 - Lithium

Chapter 40 – Lithium

 _''_ _The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.'' ~ Ernst Hemingway_.

* * *

I took a slow breathe in and listened at the soothing hush of the ocean and the vast expanse of the blue sea surrounding me. We were in the middle of our trip; in the middle of somewhere undisturbed by the pollution of man except for this dirty ship I am travelling on. Here, there was only the salty breeze, the ocean and the seagulls patrolling the blue heavens. And if I looked hard and long enough, packs of fish even dare to swim so close to the warm surface.

It was a beautiful day.

It was one of these moments – these beautiful moments – which I live for and crave for. This stillness, this peace that no adventure could ever beat.

I saw him in my mind long before he appeared. My paranoia has grown to such an extent that I am never without a guard. I've taken the liberty of leaving shadows to track my brother, Killua and myself. Then, I have one more lurking and patrolling the whole of the ship. To be honest, it was exhausting. I could feel them pulling at my energy every time I breathe. It was to be expected, however. I was basically providing life for _four_ guards including myself. I tell myself it is impressive but it is not enough. _Four_ was so far my limit; creating a fifth made my heart slow, and my breathing to become shallower. It nearly made me faint. I cannot risk another coma that I could possibly never be woken up from.

Nevertheless, it was a very good _Hatsu_ , perhaps the best that has happened in my life second to my brother. And Mito and Grandma, of course.

…And Whale Island too.

The wooden door creaked open and he stepped out. I noticed he didn't make any sound against the oaken floor. I need to ask him to teach me how he does it one day.

''Gon's awake.''

I straightened up uncontrollably from my seat; my clasped hands clenching but I remained my gaze at the sea before us, willing it to calm me. I left Gon this morning at six when sleep became a lost cause. I'd sat at the deck of the ship – one that is very similar to the first one Gon and I used on our way to the Hunters Exam. It felt like a long time now. It felt like ages ago. What have I been doing?

My mind conjured up unwanted images from my memories in response. I closed my eyes and focused on the darkness to block it.

 _Hisoka on the trick tower. Hisoka on Zevil Island. Hisoka in the arena. Stop. Chains. Zoldyck. Pain. Vomit. Ging. Stop._

''Oy. Didn't you hear me?''

A part of me – one that I'm a little bit ashamed of – doesn't want to see Gon. It hurt to see him. I wondered if our father hurt when he saw me. Did he? Why would he?

Gon now represents everything that I want to avoid. I briefly wondered how things would have ended differently if only I stayed on the Island. Why didn't I stay in the island?

Did I represent everything my father wanted to forget? I stopped this train of thought as well and searched my head for a better topic to think about.

Like nothing, for example. I like thinking about nothing. In fact, I've decided I hate thinking. When do we ever stop thinking?

 **When we're dead.**

''I told him I'll come get you.'' He said, calmer this time as if coaxing a wild animal, although I could feel tiny pricks of static electricity tickling my exposed skin, telling me that he was irritated. ''Don't you want to see him?'' His aura is all over the place.

''I do.'' I found myself replying. ''Very much,'' I added but to my confusion, it sounded too weak to sound like truth. I cleared my throat. ''I will see him now.'' I added with more strength but I couldn't let myself move from my spot. It was such a beautiful day.

''Hm.'' He didn't leave.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ocean. After a while, I reluctantly looked down at my lap then traced the smooth silk of my dress. You could tell it was a high quality because it contained little to no creases at all. The small smudges of blood on my stomach area was the only imperfection but with my hair, it was easily concealable.

I twisted my hand back to feel my black hair. So soft and silky compared to my brother's. I really should tell him the risk of him becoming bald from all that gel he uses.

 **If he survives that long.**

I stopped that train of thought.

As I admired the length of my hair, thinking of how it was longer than it was when I left Whale Island, Killua started to walk towards me. I didn't react when he stopped on my left, still smiling down at the uneven tips of my hair. I realised I never had the chance to go to a hairdresser. Bean has never offered to cut it, either. I smiled at the memory. So there are things that his attentiveness fails to catch as well.

My face scrunched up automatically when someone, being Killua, pinched and pulled at my left cheek. _''_ _Aww!''_ I slapped his hand away then massaged my injured area. ''What's your problem?'' I scowled, sounding a little asthmatic, reminding me that I have four _Hatsu_ around. He only gave me serious look. I looked away the moment I saw concern emerge out of his impossibly blue eyes.

Blue eyes…

I looked up at him once again. He looked slightly surprised and confused at the suddenly active reaction. ''Killua-chan, you've got blue eyes!''

His right eye twitched and I could see his whole body tensing. His dominant foot even shifted slightly forward as if preparing to attack. I wonder if he did this on purpose or if this was an automatic reaction everytime he gets annoyed. His eyes – ones that I've now decided are my favourite parts of him and possibly my only favourites – became live with fire. I stared in fascination, still trying to level my breathing.

''How come I've never noticed it before?''

''…That my eyes are blue? Are you an idiot? And **DON'T** call me **that** again. '' He growled out, arms crossing over his chest, trying to make himself bigger.

 _Killua-chan._ I smiled and slid a little to the right, giving a little space on the crate I am currently sitting on for him to occupy if he wanted to. His gaze fell a second on the spot before he jumped and sat beside me. I stared at him a little. I didn't quite expect do it so willingly. However, he was sitting so impossibly straight that I had to look up at him, waiting for him to grace me with those blue eyes of his. I turned to the sea and then up at him, wanting to really see if they were really as blue as the sea.

Finally, he looked down, irritated. I made an over exaggerated act of a little gasp complete with the hand over my mouth which made his lip curl up into a proper sneer. This boy was too easy to tease. ''I think I love you now, Killua. Now, every time I look at your eyes I can be reminded of the sea.'' I said honestly, grinning and swinging my legs enthusiastically as I can be. I rested my hand on the railing on my right and looked down at the blue waters, catching a glimpse of some fish beside our ship.

From my left, the blue-eyed boy made small choking noise before jumping away as if I had some kind of disease. ''Y-you…'' he bristled. ''Quit being so weird, will you!?'' I tilted my head to the side, wanting to say he was weird as well but I've long decided not to answer back when he's annoyed. It makes him even _more_ annoyed and then a lecture will ensue. He paused for a bit and I could tell he was stopping himself to lecture me. I inwardly smiled. Then, he turned and stomped away. ''Come on! Gon's still a bit weak. He wants you. And I hate acting butler all the time! Why do I always end up fetching her?'' He grumbled the last part to himself but I heard it anyway.

I sighed, smiling fondly at his retreating back. I gave one last longing glimpse at the sea before I jumped off my crate and told myself I'll be back tonight. The lie brought a slight comfort. Then, with inexplicably heavy steps, I walked towards Killua who was waiting at the door, holding it like a butler he said he hated acting as. Even worse for him, he seemed to have developed some butler instincts since he stayed behind me as we promenade the halls leading to our private room. It felt like he was blocking my way in case I decided to escape. What he didn't know, of course, is that if I wanted to, I can.

 _'_ _I will kill him. One day, I will. This is why…watch out for me.'_

I shivered. The temperature inside the ship was cooler than the day outside. I fisted my hands, focusing at the feel of my nails biting at my palms whilst I fought to contain his presence to the deepest recesses of my mind, to erase his laugh ringing inside my head along with the ice-cold horror of what I have realised I've just done.

 _I should've just stayed home,_ I told myself again. _I should've never left._ This time, not even protecting Gon was an enough reason to comfort my mistake.

* * *

 _The mood went a little sour after my little teasing. Killua wasn't 'offering' his arm anymore and kept it crossed on his chest. He was pouting and I tried not to look at him too much. He was cute. Like a little white kitty and it was getting harder to push my urge to pet his white hair. I've always loved animals._

 _The wait was long and boring and sitting so still whilst surrounded by so many scents and noises was uncomfortable. After months of being alone, being surrounded by seemingly thousands of scents felt overwhelming that if I lean over I may actually throw up. Most people in the arena were men and I am confident that most of the stinking sweat came from them._

 _A low, clear voice caught my attention, ''Oh man, I feel sorry for this kid, already. I mean, Hisoka? I bet he'll get knocked out in one punch, man.''_

 _''_ _More like dead in one punch.''_

 _There was a chorus of agreement. My hands tightened around the edges of my arm rest for a few moments until I remembered control and I forcefully loosened my grip. Feeling Killua's attention on me, I didn't know I went stiff all over until I made myself relax in my chair and pasted a pleasant confident look on my face._

 _'_ _I am proud of my brother. He will win this.' I told myself. The first was truth; the second was only for half. In the end, I only repeated this half-truth-half-lie to help me compose myself._

 _Soon, a girl announced the start of the battle, nearly destroying my eardrums with her high-pitched voice and the loud boom of cheers she triggered._

 _I closed my eyes to partially block the sound but also to execute the plan my quick mind generated especially now that everyone is distracted by excitement and the noise._

 _I created the shadow from beneath my feet to the darkened ground. The seats were so close together that my dress has covered most of feet. Killua was lucky he was still a kid so narrow leg space aren't a problem for him. Yet._

 _To how it feels like, it was best described as having the wind knocked out of me followed by lick of something cold down my body depending where I release the Hatsu. It always makes me shiver._

 _'_ _Oy. Are you okay?'_

 _My lips tightened, controlling my Hatsu at the bottom of my feel as an automatic reflex to his distraction. The chairman has said that my Hatsu was unique that it was 'silent'. He praised that it was the best weapon for espionage. He was right, of course. I've tested it multiple times around animals. They didn't seem to sense me at all until I go for the attack. I've tested it once with the Chairman too and I caught him, giggling and blushing as he watched porn inside his ship, safe and warm from the storm I was subjected to outside. It was embarrassing and it completely ruined his image. It was terrible. What a pervert._

 _But careful has basically become my middle name and suspicion became my second nature._

 _I gave the tiniest of nods and waited until I cannot feel his eyes on me any longer. I opened my eyes and in that very instant, my eyes focused on the boy with the green outfit._

 _My first thought was that his hair grew taller. Or longer. It made me smile a true one. Gon had never failed to make me smile. Then I silently wished he'd glance at my direction. If he did, I told myself I will stand up and wave. In fact, the moment I thought this, I contemplated I should do it._

 _But for some reason, I can't. I know that I should. Shout to the world and call out for him boldly like I've always done. Cheer for him and shout that he can do this. But for some reason, my mouth remained glued shut; my body stiff and immovable. I only breathed._

 _The announcer said something. She was confused. She said my brother and Hisoka… he who looked also taller and more menacing than ever before, were talking on stage._

 _All of a sudden and out of place, I saw a flash of memory. It was Bean handing me a white plastic jar. It looked very new unlike my old, dirty and deformed one._

 _'_ _Miss Gin, please take one tablet every day. Please take it after you eat dinner at night and please…Miss Gin, please don't forget…_

 _I've completely forgotten._

 _But I felt fine so far._

 _'_ _You're shaking.' A hand fell on mine. I stared down at it, wondering how warm his skin was. Our eyes met. He looked alarmed. 'Oy…'_

 _I remembered smiling and commenting on how warm he was. The best thing about Killua was he knew when to keep quiet. He didn't say anything. But it didn't mean he didn't look for answers and analysed me like I was some kind of specimen…or in his case, a target._

 _I maintained my smile as I watched my brother try to get away from Hisoka…who looked so more menacing than ever before. He looked too menacing. Too eager. Too excited._

 _I took a firmer hold of my self-control and forced myself to think. The shadow in my feet stilled. I didn't notice it was feeling restless. Nevertheless, I felt it calm when I did. I tried to think of any ways I could interfere should anything go downhill._

 _I knew everything was going to be okay. I knew Gon was going to win. But…But…There was something at the back of my mind. My body was telling me to move. But it could just be the…_

 _Hisoka looked too menacing. Hisoka looked too excited. His eyes were too big and blood-shot. His hungry smile was one I've seen him wear before –before he kills. I saw him say something to my brother which made him slow down. My eyes automatically zeroed on him, telling him to keep running. His face contorted with anger and all of a sudden, he twisted to face Hisoka._

 _I stiffened, unconsciously edging from my seat as if I could cross the distance between the arena and myself. As if I could fly from where I was to where my heart was._

 _I love him. I love my brother so much. He was family. My only family. I'd do anything._

 _I heard his voice loud and clear. 'You bastard!' he screamed._

 _I saw Hisoka's hand next. His arm hard and straight. In between his fingers, there was a lone card. Gon saw it. I saw it. But it was a little too late. I saw red—_

* * *

I was jolted awake from my own thoughts when a hand roughly grabbed my arm then twisting it carefully to wrap around another. I blinked at the staircase below me and then to the white-haired boy at my side. He was frowning down the stairs.

''Stop daydreaming or you might just fall to your death, idiot.'' He said and then started climbing down slowly. He didn't look at me. He was looking down and when I followed his eyes, I realised he was making sure my foot firmly lands on the step before he continuing.

I should feel offended. I wasn't an invalid. But looking at the tiny crease in the middle of his eyebrows and the concern in his eyes, I couldn't do it.

* * *

 _Gon wins in the heavens arena. He gains another objective – to be strong enough to fight Hisoka again. He didn't say it aloud but it was clear in his eyes that the red-haired psychopath became an inspiration for him to become strong. Then, he ventures back home to Whale Island with his new friend, Killua._

 _I stood in front of Hisoka, tired, confused, hurt, in pieces…_

 _'_ _Why?' I asked, voice breaking, trying to read his face. He was shirtless, still wearing his pink trousers. He looked so unruffled and untouched under his bright yellow lights, inside this expensive room in a building that uses death as entertainment. I briefly wondered how this was even possible. Where is human rights? Where is the government that serves and protects the people, the innocents, the women and the children? Where were the brave men – imperfect but noble who charges to battle in the name of their country? Where are the heroes?_

 _His eyebrows shot upwards; his head tilting sideways. He straightened. 'Heroes?' he scoffed, bringing his pale hand as if to muffle his laugh. He chuckled. 'I didn't know you believe in such things, Gin-chan…'_

 _I didn't answer. My mind going back to my brother. Why did I want to do again?_

 _He took a step forward. He paused and then he was in front of me. His arm snakes around my waist, bending and pulling me against him; his hold tightening. He was peering at my face, searching for something and I know I should feel threatened. I know I should be keeping distance but I wasn't afraid._

 _I wasn't afraid._

 _'_ _What's wrong, Gin-chan?' he asks softly; voice deep and mellowed, twisting as if in concern. It might even sell if I didn't know him. But I did. I know of him._

 _I knew I should push him away so I did try. But his other hand came up and wrapped around my wrist, freezing my hand in place on his naked chest._

 _He knew I was coming for him. Some warning bells rang inside my head; dread filling me up slowly but surely. Like a newly-tended knife, the golden colour of his eyes sharpened, the feel of his body registered against mine. I tried to move and found that I can't. My heart rate accelerated so suddenly that I gasped. I cannot move and the room felt like it was getting smaller. I strained against him, more desperately in every second that pass._

 _He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine._ _Hot droplets of water fell from him to me. 'Shh…'_

 _'_ _Let go…let go…'_

* * *

I let go of Killua's arm none too gently. We were in the middle of a hallway, slowly reaching our destination. Gon was lucky he was quick to react that Hisoka's card didn't get to slash his throat _too_ deeply.

But he lost a lot of blood and was very weak when he first woke up. To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to. But he did after I called his name and touched his hand. Despite only being half-awake, he immediately recognised me and even managed a little smile. The cut in his lower lip bled when he did so. He tried to speak my name but when he did so, red bled through his cut and he made a choking sound.

I squashed the bubble of panic at the unexpected happening and told myself that there was no other perfect time but then. We needed to get away. _I_ needed to get away.

When he was perfectly healed, I gave him a smile and told him to rest. I didn't notice his grip on my upper arm until they loosened as he fell deep into slumber. Then, I told Killua to pack up his bags and I carried my brother out of the inn and boarded the next ship despite everyone's protests.

By now, one ancient and magnificent acacia tree is dead in Zevil Island.

* * *

 _With a sigh, he let go of me and took a step back. When he did, it felt like I could breathe again._

 _'_ _I wasn't expecting you here tonight, Gin.' He said, scrubbing his wet hair with a white towel. I took a few steps backwards towards the door, eyes never leaving his. When I didn't answer, he continued. 'Where have you been?' he paused. 'I've been looking for you.' He paused again, waiting for an answer but again received none. His lips tightened but then he waved his hand in dismissal. 'No matter, now that you're here I could confess.'_

 _'_ _Confess?' I found myself saying. He grinned at my answer and he actually looked…almost happy. He took a deliberately slow step towards me. 'Why, yes,_ _ **Gin-chan**_ _.' Coldness licked at my spine, my muscles awakening, stiffening, preparing to flee…Something hard pressed against my back and I realised with surprise that it was the door. A small, rusting side of me can't believe I'd let something so cliché actually happen. Even worse, a hand landed on my right, promptly blocking my escape and then he did the same with my left. 'I…realised something when you were gone.' He continued._

 _'_ _I should kill you.'_

 _'_ _I know.' He agreed readily then his smile became more sinister. He licked his scarred lips. 'But why haven't you?' he silkily asked._

 _Why haven't I?_

 _He hummed then leaned in closer until I could feel his warm breath against my ear. I let him, curious of what he was going to say. 'I know,' he sang. 'You are a_ _ **curious**_ _little thing.' I stiffened both from his words and from the finger gently tracing my throat._ _'_ _You always want to know what I want to say…' he added, voice adopting a deeper quality. 'Always listening to what I would say, what I would do…Always looking out for me.'_

 _I really wanted to deny it. But—I let out a small scream as an undoubtedly wet tongue licked the left side of my throat. In instinct, I moved to push him but then he had already leapt away on his own accord._

 _Something was wrong, I knew. Something has gone horribly wrong, I was slowly realising then. Why was he doing this? Why…_

 _He pouted. 'You were so ready to get on top of that boy but you won't even let me have a taste, Gin-chan?'_

 _Boy? What boy?_

 _Run…Run…Run…_

 _He sighed loudly again then to my surprise he turned around and then threw himself to his massive bed. He leaned back and stared at me, supporting his upper body up with his hands. 'I really want to know where you've been.' He said._

 _I licked my dried lips, standing up straighter. 'That's none of your business.' I told him, gaining back myself._

 _'_ _Ouch…' he tilted his head to the side, exposing his neck at me. My heart thundered inside my chest and I fought to keep my body from shaking as I recognised the technique. 'But I've made_ _ **you**_ _my business, Gin-chan…' he pursed his lips. 'I even asked permission from your brother. He didn't like what he heard.' He smirked. 'How is he, by the way? You_ _ **came**_ _so fast I don't know if I managed to kill him.'_

 _'_ _Why did you do it?' He merely stared at me for a moment before biting his lower lips again and then licking it._

 _'_ _If you tell me where you've been, I'll tell you.'_

 _'_ _Why did you try to hurt my brother?' I gritted out, losing my patience._

 _'_ _My love, I wasn't trying to hurt him. I was going to kill him.' He replied before casually checking his nails with an arrogant smirk on his face._

 _I fisted my hands at my sides to try and control my empty rage and the hollowed feeling that was threatening to engulf me. I know if I lose it, I would…self-destruct. As I watch him watch me, I understood. Then I formulated a plan._

 _I've always been good at acting._

* * *

''Give me a second.'' I murmured to my companion and stopped near the door, staring at the wooden wall but not really seeing it. ''Go ahead.''

Killua hesitated. ''I came this far. I will come in a sec.''

''You better.'' He clicked his tongue and reluctantly went in. I listened to my brother's inquiring voice and Killua's lie.

I needed to remove all thoughts of this poison before appearing in front of my brother.

* * *

 _He had his pants low around his hips. The eight-pack muscles of his abdomen completely on show now that he had removed that awful thing he usually wraps around his waist._ _He knew he was sculpted and he is using it well._

 _If he hadn't just tried killing my brother, I might… I actually might be tempted. I was scared. So scared..._

 _I reached out slowly, pausing an inch from his skin to look at him as if uncertain. I needed to make sure I didn't come off unnaturally. To him, I was a kid. Nervous, hesitant but lustful._

 _He was very still and for once, the creepy smile on his face was gone. His eyes, I found, were dilated and was watching me with such scary stillness. Without looking away, I touched the hard planes of his stomach._

 _He was good, I thought as he bit his lip, eyes becoming half-lidded, hips jerking up to my touch. I bit my lip in return, as I trace up his chest. I climbed up him as planned. He undulated and groaned in disappointment when I sat on his stomach. 'Gin…' I shivered, goosebumps rising on my skin._

 _I let my hands caress his chest and slowly up to his throat. As expected, his eyes opened, suspicious; body tensing. 'Gin.' This time, it was a warning. I swallowed the panic inside me and made sure I looked more nervous than scared. It could go very wrong, my rational side warned but I've chosen to ignore it. I needed to touch him…_

 _I leaned down before he could push me off, focusing on his lips in an effort to hide my thoughts from him. I wet my lips, my hands tightening around his throat._

 _A touch to mar—_

 _I let out a small surprised noise as he suddenly moved. Our teeth crashed painfully and a hand held on at the back of my head, trapping me in place._

 _I closed my eyes as I felt myself warm from the kiss. From all the kisses I've stolen, this one was my most aggressive one and the first…the first one where I was not the one in control. I gasped when he pulled me down to his crotch._

 _'_ _A touch…to mark my ownership', I recited in my mind. 'By will, I shall take and by will…I shall give!'_

 _The effect was instantaneous. He went still under me. For a few moments, only the sound of my breathing and the soft whir of air conditioner filled the room. I smiled shakily at my victory. I felt the familiar ice piercing my heart as I released the second and so far, the most deadly form of my Hatsu and applied it on the red-head._

 _'_ _The next time you lay a hand on my brother, you will drop dead where you stand. There will be no battle for you.' I shook my head. 'No thrill.' His eyes widened as I absorbed large quantities of his energy as quick as I can. He tensed once, wanting to fight. I took more and as a result, his body slackened. 'Just a quick and sudden death for you, Hisoka.'_

 _I jumped off him, feeling weightless and so so so strong. Hisoka was strong and I realised how dangerous my little act was. He could've killed me whilst I was on top of him or when he was embracing me or when he had me trapped against the door whilst I was too busy being lost..._

 _Why didn't he?_

 _He wanted something._

 _As I stared at his vulnerable form on the bed, I felt no regret. Only relief that I've reduced this beast into something small even for a little while. The tightness inside me was still there, however. I turned around to leave._

 _'_ _You—'_

 _I paused at the door and turned halfway to look at him over my shoulder. He chuckled, albeit shakily. I waited until he caught his breath._

 _'_ _I will kill him…' he croaked out so softly – in a manner only murderers like him can. 'One day, I will.' He chuckled breathlessly again. 'This is why…Gin-chan…watch out for me.'_

* * *

I should've killed him.

* * *

AN: Okay. This is a rather bold chapter for me. Let me explain why I wrote it in this format - I wanted to show how messy her head is at the moment or how she gets lost so easily in her own thoughts. Simple. In this chapter, she finally realised how Hisoka looks at her and it confused the heck out of her. Adding her mental state at the moment, I don't know if I've described her depression well enough. I frankly don't know how depression feels because I don't have it. But...from the long hiatus, there's so many things that happened to me and some of the most important people around me. I lost a best friend. Yep. I know it doesn't really concern you guys, but there we go. She has never read this fanfiction but she is.. was one of the few people (there's actually just 2 people) who had the patience to listen to me ramble on about my stories.

Thank you all so much for being patient with me and with this story. I am so ever so sorry for the wait. I want you all to know that I read your reviews everytime I need cheering up. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me what you think and for your warm support. You all know who you are. I couldn't thank you enough. I'm looking forward to your reviews - whether good or bad, I love them. I want to know what you got from this chapter. What do you think just happened?!

So sorry for any grammar mistakes and yep, HUNTER X HUNTER WILL NEVER BE MINE. Only Gin.


	44. Chapter 41 - To give a Marionette life

_AN: Warning: It's short. Dear author just came back from a month long holiday, got a new (and challenging) part-time job, books to read, family, friends and life and money problems. Stay with me, please._

* * *

 **Chapter 42 – To give a Marionette's life**

 _''I killed a girl, you see. I killed the girl who used to be me.'' - Unknown._

* * *

I have imagined our meeting so many times before. Perhaps this was the reason why experiencing it for real has somewhat lost its appeal. He was just as I remembered him. The room even seemed brighter now that he was awake. I designed a smile on my face, half-knowing I couldn't quite hide the façade no matter how hard I wanted to try. I acted as though I didn't notice my brother's faltering smile and then I asked him how he was.

''I'm good!'' he paused, still cheerfully smiling and fidgeting in his bed. After a second of awkward silence, he jumped out of bed, making Killua wince and open his mouth as if to reprimand the other boy but seeing my brother was already stretching, he chose to let out a worn out sigh then he flopped himself down to an old couch situated in our small room.

Gon progressively slowed his exercise as I neared him; his childishly sparkling grin transforming to one I am usually gifted with– a warm smile just for me. He spread out his arms and I gladly stepped into them. I found myself sighing in relief and then realised how my chest hurt. I was scared. Scared that I wouldn't feel anything the moment he touches me.

His smile had done nothing. It brought no comfort. But at least, his touch still did. I reckoned if this was the case, then there was still a chance for me. All was not lost.

''Come to bed, Gon.'' I told him, reluctantly pushing him away. He sat down, asking me how I've been and how long he has been out even though I remember him asking this very question with Killua just a while ago. I flinched inwardly. ''You've been asleep only for a day, Gon. I wasn't expecting you to be awake so soon.'' I told him honestly.

It was the first time that I'd used the technique and I had my worries about using it. A plant's life energy in exchange for my brother's. I had the choice of using Pariston's or anyone else in our vicinity but I was – I paused – I was too weak to do it. Too weak to kill another human being for my brother. So I hoped the plant will be enough and if not then that's when the bodies will need to fall.

Needless to say, it was a relief that I had half a mind to mark my favourite trees from Zevils Island. Now I am spared of the mess that no doubt will follow if say, random people started to drop dead where they stand.

I had imagined that this alternative might have been the case since my brother was worth a lot to me, after all. Nevertheless, it seems that in the greater scheme of things, my brother is worth only an old acacia – all gnarled arms, twisting and branching as it climbed up towards the blue skies. One could have easily walked on the thick moss-covered branches of that tree. It was perfect for sleeping, too. And I wasn't the only creature that thought so. I had to kill one massive mother grass snake and relocate her eggs to claim the territory. I shivered, remembering the eerie eyes. As far as I knew, it was supposed to be blind but it didn't stop me feeling like it was staring right through me. It also doesn't help that I had killed far too many snakes in my time in Zevils Island. The island was overflowing with them – snakes which were too long and too big for reality. They hid in the rivers, in the clearings, in the thickets and had themselves coiled around branches of trees.

My brother made a humming sound and then threw an arm over my shoulders before pulling me closer to him. I felt him breathe in as he kissed my hair. ''I missed you so much, Gin.'' He whispered, voice rough and full of feeling. I looked down; my clean white dress to his usual green shorts and my paler skin against his healthy tan. My weight bracelet winked at me – another reminder that somehow I am not quite as the one I was before.

I pulled away slightly and smiled at him, unable to meet his tired eyes for long, scared that he will see something wrong. I kissed him on the cheek and took his free hand, holding it between my two hands. ''You are still tired, Gon. Go back to bed. I…'' I sneaked a glance at Killua whose blue eyes was uncomfortably trained on me. ' _'We_ will still be here when you wake up.''

His brows furrowed. '' But—''

''Sleep.'' I told him with an encouraging push back to his bed. Too quickly, he deflated under my touch. My breath froze in a gasp at the uncomfortable tug that I felt deep inside my gut. I blinked and watched my brother falling back to bed, eyes suddenly dazed and droopy. A single shiver racked my spine before I could stop it. I gave him a smile and tried to douse or even mask my growing horror. I stayed until his eyes closed completely; a smile still on his lips. I squeezed his hand, trying to gather myself together, afraid at the myriad of negative emotions swirling inside me, wanting to be let out to crush me. With a quick kiss on his forehead, I stood up and turned towards the door.

''Where are you going?'' Killua called out. From his tone, we both knew that's not really what he was asking.

''Out.'' I paused and twisted the door knob open. ''For air. I'll be back tonight. Don't wait up.'' With that, I hastily stepped out and walked as quickly as I can to get out.

 _What have I done_? The thought circled in my head endlessly; my overwhelming horror dogging my footsteps, plagued by the sensation that I have done something so terrible again.

 _'1, 2, 3 – breathe in – 1, 2, 3 – breathe out – and again.'_

* * *

I found myself another room to rest in for the night. Restless and desperate, I forced myself to meditate. Each breath of mine felt like hours and diving into the deep recesses of my miserable mind was something too scary to do without Netero so close to pull me back. But I did it anyway. And it was just as I remembered it - back at the time I didn't understand it. An abyss that was both vast and claustrophobic. Where there is nothing to be seen in sight, how do you know how big a place is?

Under my closed eyelids and out from the dark, a few objects slowly materialised. At first, they started only as areas where the dark seemed denser. Then, they formed design and later, objects that resembled mirrors. They hung suspended on air, arranged haphazardly in varying sizes of squares and circles. I braved my way deeper, scared but eager to know more of what and who I was.

A wild blur caught my eyes followed by a hair-raising growl. I peered at the darkness, trying to see through the black mist. Its form slowly emerged, a human-shaped demon crouched in the floor. It hissed, bristling. I remembered calling him _Kit_ out of laziness. It seemed like a simple and easy name. But now I contemplated if granting this ugly thing a name was a good choice. It was a character of nightmares. Shark teeth gleaming, with a slimy forked tongue twitching on the floor as if it had a mind of its own. It had such a haunted face – sunken cheeks and eye sockets and golden eyes staring straight at me. I wanted to discard it.

It growled before it whimpered. I felt a pang of guilt followed by shame, suddenly remembering how this creature guarded my door as I slept. I offered a hand and waited for a few minutes before it decided to approach.

As I stroked its scaly skin, I looked around once again; eyes finding a child hiding its face behind a mirror as if it thought by hiding its face, I couldn't see the tattered remains of his clothes that hung on its body. It was a kid I've seen before - in one of my vivid dreams where my head conjures people I've never seen before so clearly that I can even see their faces when I close my eyes.

But what caught my interest more was the oval object he was holding onto. It was an ancient filigreed mirror. Its metalwork was delicately twisted into acacia leaves. A step and I found myself right in front of it, peering into its dark depths. Swirling white spider threads emerged;

 _Acacia_

 _150 years_

 _Zevil Island._

Then, at the last stanza;

 _Gon Freecs_.

A slumbering Gon appeared from the surface like a dream, clear albeit hazy around the edges. I found myself stepping back and then running at the other endarkened mirrors, pausing briefly to check if they had human names.

 _Pariston Hill_

 _31 years_

Now I understood how I somehow knew that Pariston was no longer in his office in the 250th floor of the HXH associated except he was conversing with another man. He had his arms entwined with each other as he listened to the other man with a glittering eyes and an empty smile.

Inspiration flushed through me; ' _Look to your left' –_ his eyes shifted to the left before he corrected it. ' _Tap the table once with your index finger' –_ he did and I saw him frown.

The revelation made me powerful but with it came anxiety. I frowned, trying to understand my own feelings. I walked towards the next, unsurprised to see my next prisoner.

 _Hisoka Morow_

 _28 years_

He was still in his room in the Heaven's tower; his back against the wall and on his left, the night city of Padokea was dim and uninteresting. How could it not be when he was in the brightest part of the city? The man himself had a vacuous expression on his face as he looked down the city. He looked different with his red hair down, I thought. He looked almost _tamed_.

 _'_ _Bite your lip'._ I took a deep calming breath when the expected occurred. Unable to watch him any longer or think of him any longer, I twisted and turned around, closing my eyes. I was lost for a moment until I found my ground once again.

My Nen calmed, slowly slipping back into my pores. I sighed and slumped against the wooden pillar behind my back, loving the way it made me feel more secured.

 _A puppet,_ I realised. Suddenly, I understood why I wasn't jumping in happiness, why I all this didn't bring me any safety or comfort. _I made my brother a puppet too. My puppet._

My life was getting more complicated every day. I bent my knees together and hugged them. I took another deep breath and for once let my whole body tremble in fear and in agony. And then I cried.


End file.
